1. Previously on Crazy Ex-GirlfriendCopy !req
2. Do you love her?Copy !req
3. No. God, no.Copy !req
4. Josh, focus on your
girlfriend and on your family.Copy !req
5. Are you kicking me out?Copy !req
6. Bye, Josh.Copy !req
7. If we're not chasing Josh,Copy !req
8. then you're not gonna want to hang outCopy !req
9. with me anymore, I know it.Copy !req
10. This isn't aboutCopy !req
11. anyone else but you.Copy !req
12. You're not second choice.Copy !req
13. This is gonna be, like, three daysCopy !req
14. of you and me just ruining each other.Copy !req
15. "Gaseity"?Copy !req
16. What? That's not a word.Copy !req
17. Incorrect. It is a word.Copy !req
18. It is the state or condition
of being gassy or gaseous,Copy !req
19. and, most importantly,
it is 35 points for moi.Copy !req
20. I think you're cheating.Copy !req
21. Yep. Yeah, you're cheating.
Give me your phone.Copy !req
22. - How could I be cheating?
- Nope.Copy !req
23. - I'm sitting right next to you...
- Hey! Hey! Give me your phone.Copy !req
24. - Give me your phone, let me see
what you're doing. - Hey, hey!Copy !req
25. - I'm just curious how you're
doing this. - Give me that.Copy !req
26. Hello again.Copy !req
27. Oh, hello.Copy !req
28. Shall we?Copy !req
29. Okay.Copy !req
30. Ugh. I gotta go to work.Copy !req
31. No! No...Copy !req
32. Boo work and lifeCopy !req
33. and clothing.Copy !req
34. I don't want to leave the sex cocoon.Copy !req
35. So, I will, uh, call you later,Copy !req
36. or text you,Copy !req
37. and, uh, see if you want to
play any, uh, "word games,"Copy !req
38. if you know what I'm saying.Copy !req
39. Hey, actually, um...Copy !req
40. We should... we should
probably talk for a second.Copy !req
41. You probably want to
talk about, you know,Copy !req
42. all these changes and how
our relationship is evolving,Copy !req
43. 'cause we had such a complex history...Copy !req
44. Oh, you mean because you, like,
broke my heart a bunch of times?Copy !req
45. I don't care about that anymore.Copy !req
46. But... what?Copy !req
47. But... no, no. But... you know.Copy !req
48. We have so much dramaCopy !req
49. and you've asked me out so many timesCopy !req
50. and you... you ran to the courthouse.Copy !req
51. Honestly, it's like a distant memory.Copy !req
52. Okay.Copy !req
53. So you-you...Copy !req
54. You just want to keep things casual?Copy !req
55. Yep. Just light and polite.Copy !req
56. Except in the bedroom... you dig?Copy !req
57. I dig. Yeah.Copy !req
58. You're so pretty.Copy !req
59. It's so cool that I get toCopy !req
60. say that to you now that I'm
not all obsessed, you know?Copy !req
61. It's great, isn't it?Copy !req
62. Yep.Copy !req
63. It's... yeah, oh, phee-ew.Copy !req
64. It's great.Copy !req
65. Yeah.Copy !req
66. Peace.Copy !req
67. Peace.Copy !req
68. Peace?Copy !req
69. That's a sexist term.Copy !req
70. Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?Copy !req
71. The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.Copy !req
72. Okay! We get it!Copy !req
73. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req
74. What is up with you?Copy !req
75. You got a bit of a glow about you.Copy !req
76. Not a sweaty glow,
but, like, a glowy glow.Copy !req
77. Is this because you talked to...Copy !req
78. No, no, no. Don't say his name.Copy !req
79. - Josh?
- No.Copy !req
80. I did not talk to Josh,Copy !req
81. because Josh is done.Copy !req
82. We are done with Josh.Copy !req
83. - Okay?
- Right.Copy !req
84. Let's talk about something else.Copy !req
85. How was your weekend?Copy !req
86. Stupid.Copy !req
87. Come on, Paula.Copy !req
88. I need you to try, okay?Copy !req
89. It got chilly. Right?Copy !req
90. I had to take my sweaters
out of the space bag.Copy !req
91. Oh, my God, this is so boring!Copy !req
92. Come on.Copy !req
93. This is an apocalypse.Copy !req
94. Do I smell Paula's famous
blueberry almond pie?Copy !req
95. - Mm-hmm.
- No, Darryl,Copy !req
96. you're a judge... you'll get
plenty of pie at the contest.Copy !req
97. Judge? Contest? What?Copy !req
98. No, it's just this stupid
pie contest I do every year.Copy !req
99. It is not stupid. It's great.Copy !req
100. And I'm a judge this year.Copy !req
101. I just applied and I got in.Copy !req
102. Okay, Darryl, go away.Copy !req
103. Come on, we're talking.Copy !req
104. Yeah, well, you know
what? This is my office.Copy !req
105. I pay for you guys to be here.Copy !req
106. I think I've made my point.Copy !req
107. Paula! Oh, my God, you never
told me about a pie contest.Copy !req
108. - You're such a little liar.
- What?Copy !req
109. Yeah, according to the act of omission,Copy !req
110. - it is a lie.
- Calm down.Copy !req
111. I lose every year. There's this woman,Copy !req
112. Peggy Rose... she owns the
pie shop on East Cameron...Copy !req
113. - She always wins.
- Well, this year,Copy !req
114. you're gonna win, 'cause
I'm gonna help you.Copy !req
115. Oh, no. No, no, no. I see what this is.Copy !req
116. This isn't about pie...
You're trying to distract meCopy !req
117. from Josh... you're trying
to give us a new mission.Copy !req
118. God, this is just like that timeCopy !req
119. Scott and I decided to
have that second kid.Copy !req
120. Oh. No, it's not like that.Copy !req
121. I'm not trying to distract
you from my love life.Copy !req
122. Just one... sorry, one second.Copy !req
123. I'm sorry, just, um...Copy !req
124. Uh, you know what?Copy !req
125. I am... gonna head out right nowCopy !req
126. to the local pie supply shop...Copy !req
127. Or grocery store.Copy !req
128. Okay, to each his own.Copy !req
129. And I'm gonna getCopy !req
130. all of the baking
supplies we need to win.Copy !req
131. And don't you worry about
this, because I am on top of it,Copy !req
132. I'm all over it, I'm just covered in it.Copy !req
133. Mm, you really are awesome at that.Copy !req
134. Good call on the bathroom, by the way.Copy !req
135. - Like, really good choice.
- Thanks.Copy !req
136. I used a new app... it shows youCopy !req
137. where all the nearest
public bathrooms are.Copy !req
138. It's for people with IBS,
but it works great for us.Copy !req
139. Sorry, we couldn't go to my place.Copy !req
140. Lately my Dad's been, uh...Copy !req
141. Living there for 30 years.Copy !req
142. Yeah, yeah, and, look, I wish
we could go more to my place,Copy !req
143. but I just don't want Heather
to see you coming and going.Copy !req
144. I think it might be tacky and, you know,Copy !req
145. - complex, and-and...
- Shh, shh. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
146. This is working out great. I love it.Copy !req
147. Okay.Copy !req
148. Great.Copy !req
149. So, um...Copy !req
150. You want to text me later?Copy !req
151. Why don't you text me?Copy !req
152. Oh. I see. So you're the boss now.Copy !req
153. Yeah.Copy !req
154. Okay. Well...Copy !req
155. I will text you, then.Copy !req
156. Yeah.Copy !req
157. Oh, I'm gonna text you
just how you like itCopy !req
158. with a ton of emojis...Copy !req
159. There's gonna be, like, a pizzaCopy !req
160. and a rocket, and
you're gonna go be, like,Copy !req
161. "yeah... mmm... "Copy !req
162. Mmm...Copy !req
163. Mmm. These candles are amazing. Smell.Copy !req
164. And how cuteCopy !req
165. - are these hats?
- Mm.Copy !req
166. Ah. It is such an honor
that your sister asked meCopy !req
167. to do the gift bags for her
wedding... I can't believe it.Copy !req
168. Yeah, I'm happy you're happy, babe.Copy !req
169. I love weddings.Copy !req
170. Two people coming together,Copy !req
171. pledging their devotion
for the rest of their livesCopy !req
172. in front of all their
friends and loved ones.Copy !req
173. Yeah. That's a wedding.Copy !req
174. It is so great that this wedding can
remind us about what truly matters?Copy !req
175. We have been tested, and
now we're stronger than ever.Copy !req
176. Yeah.Copy !req
177. We know where we're headed.Copy !req
178. We know what the future is.Copy !req
179. We don't have to worry
about Rebecca anymore.Copy !req
180. Nothing and no one can
come between us ever again.Copy !req
181. Right?Copy !req
182. Okay, mama, I'm ready to bake.Copy !req
183. I got so much fun stuff!Copy !req
184. I got every single flour imaginable.Copy !req
185. I got buckwheat flour and...Copy !req
186. Spelt and almond flour...Copy !req
187. Oh, my gosh, wait.Copy !req
188. This is my favorite one.Copy !req
189. Cricket flour.Copy !req
190. Nope.Copy !req
191. Yes. It's actually highly proteinaceous.Copy !req
192. That is a word, incidentally,Copy !req
193. that I played today
in Words with Friends,Copy !req
194. and I got a ton of points for it. Ah.Copy !req
195. Which friend? Oh, it was a random play.Copy !req
196. Yeah, some girl in
Holland... uh, Goudagirl189.Copy !req
197. Are you sure?Copy !req
198. Are you sure you're just
playing with... a friend?Copy !req
199. Y-yeah. What are you talking about?Copy !req
200. Uh, then why are your...Copy !req
201. - panties in your pocket?
- What?Copy !req
202. Oh, uh-huh.Copy !req
203. Paula, okay, ew.Copy !req
204. Paula, just... okay,Copy !req
205. All right, okay,Copy !req
206. let's talk about our
boundary issues, okay?Copy !req
207. Come on, fess up... who are
you sleeping with? Come on.Copy !req
208. Okay, you know how horny I am,Copy !req
209. and I am totally on boardCopy !req
210. for some post-heartbreak gettin' down,Copy !req
211. so tell me, who is it, who is it?Copy !req
212. Who is it? Who is it?Copy !req
213. It's no one. Really, it's no one.Copy !req
214. I'm not having intercourse
with anyone. Yeah.Copy !req
215. Baby...Copy !req
216. If you are getting
your butterfly smashed,Copy !req
217. I am all for it...Copy !req
218. As long as it's not Greg.Copy !req
219. Greg? Why would you say...
Why would you even, like,Copy !req
220. - mention his name? That's weird.
- Because he'sCopy !req
221. always buzzing around you... he's, like,Copy !req
222. this sexy Italian fly, and you're, like,Copy !req
223. this old meatball in an alley.Copy !req
224. You know what? I'm not
sleeping with Greg.Copy !req
225. Good. Look, I like the guy, I really do,Copy !req
226. but he is not romance material.Copy !req
227. Okay, he is a booze hound,
he is completely shut down,Copy !req
228. and he is angry.Copy !req
229. He's kind of like
that Star Wars villain.Copy !req
230. You know, the new one, with
the, like, the really great hair?Copy !req
231. Paula, I get it. You
don't like Greg. Okay?Copy !req
232. Hey, not to mention, he is
Josh's best friend, okay?Copy !req
233. And if you sleep with
Josh's best friend,Copy !req
234. that ruins any possibility
for when you finallyCopy !req
235. come to your senses and realize
that you are meant for Josh.Copy !req
236. Okay, okay, Paula, Paula, listen.Copy !req
237. I promise...Copy !req
238. Nobody, including Greg,Copy !req
239. is smashing my butterfly.Copy !req
240. Oh, God, do it! Smash my butterfly!Copy !req
241. What?Copy !req
242. So, the butterfly metaphor.Copy !req
243. Oh... yeah,Copy !req
244. it's just a little something
I picked up on the street.Copy !req
245. Well, if we're going
with obscure metaphors,Copy !req
246. I'm right there with you.Copy !req
247. Oh, really? Lay some on me.Copy !req
248. - I don't know if you can handle it.
- I can handle anything, Serrano.Copy !req
249. I will crumble your zebra.Copy !req
250. Uh-huh.Copy !req
251. - I will sauté your giraffe.
- Oh, that's good.Copy !req
252. I will flambé your cockatoo.Copy !req
253. I like that one.Copy !req
254. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, hold on. I got to pee.Copy !req
255. I'll be right back.Copy !req
256. Good-bye.Copy !req
257. Flambé your cockatoo.Copy !req
258. I'm funny.Copy !req
259. That took a while.Copy !req
260. - What's up?
- I, um... I'll be fine.Copy !req
261. It just burns when I pee.Copy !req
262. This has happened to me before.Copy !req
263. I think I have a UTI.Copy !req
264. Urinary tract infection.Copy !req
265. What is that?Copy !req
266. Oh, you're such a man.Copy !req
267. Okay, so a UTICopy !req
268. is an inflammationCopy !req
269. of the urethra causedCopy !req
270. by excessive amounts of
vigorous sexual activity.Copy !req
271. It also doesn't helpCopy !req
272. if a man is too, uh...Copy !req
273. Too... what?Copy !req
274. Capacious.Copy !req
275. Ooh! That's 25 points.Copy !req
276. I don't know that word.Copy !req
277. I must be dumb from all the bloodCopy !req
278. rushing towards my capacious...Copy !req
279. Okay, okay.Copy !req
280. A UTI.Copy !req
281. Huh.Copy !req
282. What? What's going on?
Why are you clapping?Copy !req
283. Like, seriously, what's happening?Copy !req
284. Okay. So it's not really a commentCopy !req
285. on the quality of the sex
as much as a lot of sexCopy !req
286. has been happening and there's justCopy !req
287. a very natural transfer of bacteriaCopy !req
288. - to my...
- Don't ruin this for me.Copy !req
289. Come on, sing with me!Copy !req
290. No, I'm not gonna do that.Copy !req
291. I'm so sorry if you have
to cancel that spin class.Copy !req
292. I'll pay the cancellation fee, because
I know a lot times you have to bookCopy !req
293. a specific bike in advance.Copy !req
294. Okay, good to know. Whoa.Copy !req
295. Oh.Copy !req
296. Okay.Copy !req
297. Well, if one good thing can
come from my searing pain,Copy !req
298. it's that it feeds your ego.Copy !req
299. Oh, I'm just being silly. I'm kidding.Copy !req
300. I'm fine. I caught it
early. I'll just takeCopy !req
301. some cranberry pills and painkillers.Copy !req
302. Great, you got this.Copy !req
303. Hey, um, I had a fun idea.Copy !req
304. I was thinking maybe I
could work remotely from...Copy !req
305. home base today. What do you...
What do you think about that?Copy !req
306. Yeah, sure. If you want.Copy !req
307. - Okay, great.
- Mwah.Copy !req
308. Okay. I'll s...Copy !req
309. I'll see you... there.Copy !req
310. Peppy Greg is weird. What's up?Copy !req
311. I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
312. Just a lovely day in the Cov'.Copy !req
313. Do you have one of those brain tumorsCopy !req
314. that changes your personality?Copy !req
315. Can you play the violin now?Copy !req
316. Serrano's in a good mood.Copy !req
317. Yeah.Copy !req
318. It's gross.Copy !req
319. Like, I would've never
slept with that guy.Copy !req
320. So, why do you need so
many home base bucks?Copy !req
321. Welcome bags for my sister's wedding.Copy !req
322. It's cute that you're
helping Valencia out.Copy !req
323. It's like you're an
assistant bridesmaid.Copy !req
324. But, dude, aren't you worriedCopy !req
325. that marriage is contagious?Copy !req
326. Like, Valencia's probably, like,
all up on you to propose, right?Copy !req
327. No, not really.Copy !req
328. I mean, she's not
hurrying me or anything.Copy !req
329. She respects me too much.Copy !req
330. She respects you.Copy !req
331. Good one, bro.Copy !req
332. Hey, guys.Copy !req
333. - Hey!
- Hi.Copy !req
334. - How are you?
- It's been a while. I'm...Copy !req
335. Oh, right. Yeah, I haven't
seen you in, like, forever.Copy !req
336. Yeah.Copy !req
337. Um... so...Copy !req
338. Do you want to come find
me on your next break?Copy !req
339. Yeah. You could help me in the backCopy !req
340. in the stockroom zest the porcupine.Copy !req
341. Got it. Got it. Um,
that sounds good. Yeah.Copy !req
342. You do get it. Cool.Copy !req
343. They look like they just spentCopy !req
344. three days having sex
and eating Chinese food.Copy !req
345. What are you talking about?Copy !req
346. Okay, in Psych 3, we
studied human mating signals.Copy !req
347. They just did all of them:Copy !req
348. Shrugging, eye contact, head tilting,Copy !req
349. flamingo leg.Copy !req
350. Like... yep, flamingo leg.Copy !req
351. Next step is copulation.Copy !req
352. Oh. "Copulation" means "sex."Copy !req
353. I know what "copulation" means.Copy !req
354. But you are losing it.Copy !req
355. Greg and Rebecca?Copy !req
356. But sh-she doesn't
even like Greg, you...Copy !req
357. You...Copy !req
358. Dumb-face.Copy !req
359. Whoa. Josh, pull it together, okay?Copy !req
360. I'm just stating, like,
clearly observable facts.Copy !req
361. What? No.Copy !req
362. I-I got to go, 'cause I don't
want to catch your... dumbness.Copy !req
363. I have, like, the smartest face in here.Copy !req
364. Okay, I'm gonna sit over there.
I'm gonna stand over here.Copy !req
365. Okay. Great. Okay.Copy !req
366. So, dude, you finally got
in there with Rebecca, huh?Copy !req
367. That only took six months.Copy !req
368. No, it's not like that.Copy !req
369. Yeah, it's totally like that.Copy !req
370. So, you and Greg are
totally sleeping together.Copy !req
371. No, it's not like that.Copy !req
372. Um...Copy !req
373. Yeah, it's totally like that.Copy !req
374. Heather, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
375. I've been meaning to tell you.Copy !req
376. I was gonna hand-write you a letter,Copy !req
377. and then I was gonna
seal it with a wax sealCopy !req
378. that I got in Colonial WilliamsburgCopy !req
379. when I was 12 but I've never used it.Copy !req
380. I didn't do that. I'm
so sorry. Do you hate me?Copy !req
381. No, it's cool.Copy !req
382. You just have to get married
and have eight babies.Copy !req
383. What?Copy !req
384. Well, you sleeping with my
ex hurts my feelings,Copy !req
385. but it's okay if it's love.Copy !req
386. It's the "meant to be" exemption.Copy !req
387. Like, Woody and Soon-Yi
are still together,Copy !req
388. so that, like, kind of makes it okay.Copy !req
389. Do you get what I'm saying?Copy !req
390. Um, okay.Copy !req
391. That analogy doesn't really track,Copy !req
392. 'cause Greg's not my
elderly de facto stepfatherCopy !req
393. and also, um, we're not in love.Copy !req
394. I mean, yet. I don't know.Copy !req
395. I don't know how I feel.
I don't know how he feels.Copy !req
396. Should I call him? Should
I ask him? I don't know.Copy !req
397. Oh...Copy !req
398. Wait.Copy !req
399. Wait, what's happening to me?Copy !req
400. How does he suddenly
have the upper hand?Copy !req
401. You've got the upper hand.Copy !req
402. She was jerking your chain,Copy !req
403. and now she's jerking your chain.Copy !req
404. Dude, you are bro-ing
out so hard right now.Copy !req
405. I'm just so happy for you.
You know, before, you were all,Copy !req
406. like, "please let me have it.
Please let me hold your tacoCopy !req
407. while you sleep with another guy."Copy !req
408. Okay, Hector, I get what you're saying.Copy !req
409. I've had some tough times with Rebecca,Copy !req
410. a few situationsCopy !req
411. where my status was perhapsCopy !req
412. a skosh less than hers...Copy !req
413. Exactly. But now you're
in the driver's seat,Copy !req
414. cruising down the 405,
wind blowin' in your hair,Copy !req
415. listening to Backstreet Boys.Copy !req
416. Keep it goin'.Copy !req
417. That way she can't burn you again.Copy !req
418. I don't know what's going on with me.Copy !req
419. I mean, something, something has
changed in this whole dynamic,Copy !req
420. because I am in this
bar, drinking bad coffee,Copy !req
421. just so I can be close to him?Copy !req
422. Ew, I feel so stupid.Copy !req
423. Oh, dude, don't get down on yourself.Copy !req
424. It's, like, simple biology.Copy !req
425. Okay, sex releases oxytocin,Copy !req
426. which causes the female to
imprint emotionally on the male.Copy !req
427. I got a b+ in physical science, so...Copy !req
428. By the way, how long have
you been in community college?Copy !req
429. Eight years.Copy !req
430. Rebecca, it's simple.Copy !req
431. Before sex, women have the power.Copy !req
432. After, men have it.Copy !req
433. That's a horrible thing to say.Copy !req
434. I didn't make it up.Copy !req
435. Hi.Copy !req
436. Nope. Nope.Copy !req
437. Okay, I'm a smart woman.
I have multiple degrees.Copy !req
438. So I'm not gonna do this.Copy !req
439. I'm going to go do my work back at work.Copy !req
440. Because at work, I am valued
for things like my intelligence,Copy !req
441. my skills, and my professional acumen,Copy !req
442. which I, as a smart woman, also value.Copy !req
443. So, yeah, me and my dumb
ovaries are getting out of here.Copy !req
444. Okay. I don't... I'm gonna carry it.Copy !req
445. Greg, um, I will text you later,Copy !req
446. okay? I'm gonna go.Copy !req
447. Uh, I'm gonna head out. So, uh,Copy !req
448. do you want to text me later?
Maybe I can text... I can textCopy !req
449. you later, because I don't
know how late you're... working.Copy !req
450. Damn it.Copy !req
451. Hey, Sensei, you mind if I
use the Dojo for a few minutes?Copy !req
452. What's up?Copy !req
453. Well, you ever have a friend
and another friendCopy !req
454. and then you run into
that friend and find outCopy !req
455. that the first two friends
are maybe doing stuffCopy !req
456. that friends aren't supposed
to do if they're just friends?Copy !req
457. You know?Copy !req
458. Say no more.Copy !req
459. This is exciting.Copy !req
460. Right? Isn't this great?Copy !req
461. We're gonna figure out Peggy
Rose's secret ingredient.Copy !req
462. Hmm?Copy !req
463. It's fun.Copy !req
464. We're doing some es-pie-onage.Copy !req
465. I just thought of that.Copy !req
466. That was pretty good. Hey,
you know what's even better?Copy !req
467. - What?
- My list that I put togetherCopy !req
468. of the people you could
possibly be sleeping with.Copy !req
469. Oh, come on!Copy !req
470. Order of my preference. One,
the guy from spin class.Copy !req
471. Two, your spin instructor.
Three, John Stamos.Copy !req
472. Okay, stop talking about this.
I'm not sleeping with anyone.Copy !req
473. No sexy time. I'm not...Copy !req
474. having sex... with anyone.Copy !req
475. Let's drop it and focus on pie.Copy !req
476. Oh, there she is. There's Peggy Rose.Copy !req
477. Let's follow her.Copy !req
478. Let's stalk her, let's
see what she does.Copy !req
479. No, we can't do that.
It's the middle of the day.Copy !req
480. Plus, we're not... cartoon detectives.Copy !req
481. I know.Copy !req
482. What if we came back
at night... broke in?Copy !req
483. It's a real devious plan.
You love devious plans.Copy !req
484. Eh...Copy !req
485. Only if they're about Josh.Copy !req
486. Tonight. We're gonna do it. It's a date.Copy !req
487. Mm-hmm. Moi et toi.Copy !req
488. - That's French for "me and you."
- What? Oh.Copy !req
489. Yeah. Just...Copy !req
490. Why is it still... you want... again?Copy !req
491. - Yay.
- All right.Copy !req
492. Ah, ah, ah... dude, I
wasn't finished with that.Copy !req
493. What are you in such a rush about?Copy !req
494. The bar doesn't close till
11:00 and most of the customersCopy !req
495. have an 8:00 P.M. bedtime.Copy !req
496. I'm closing early.
There's no one's here.Copy !req
497. And I'm meeting Rebecca
at her place later.Copy !req
498. She wants me there in half an hour.Copy !req
499. Oh, so, she tells you
where to go and what to do.Copy !req
500. Sounds like you're her little pet.Copy !req
501. Or shall I say, her little bitch.Copy !req
502. Oh, calm down.Copy !req
503. You're spending way too
much time with Rebecca.Copy !req
504. You're in a danger zone here, all right?Copy !req
505. You need to stay on track,
and head on down the highway.Copy !req
506. And how do I do that, Kenny Loggins?Copy !req
507. Easy. Saturday night I have a dateCopy !req
508. with a girl named Angie.Copy !req
509. She's bringing her cousin from Denver,Copy !req
510. and Angie says she's fun.Copy !req
511. What does that mean?Copy !req
512. It means she's fun. Don't be disgusting.Copy !req
513. Greg, dating other peopleCopy !req
514. is the number-one way to
maintain the upper hand.Copy !req
515. So, are you in?Copy !req
516. Honey, guess what? I am
almost done with the gift bags.Copy !req
517. I just need you to fill
28 little potpourri sachetsCopy !req
518. of cloves and lavender
and then we're done.Copy !req
519. Later. I have to take a shower.Copy !req
520. What is wrong, hon?Copy !req
521. I'm just... I'm in a bad mood.Copy !req
522. Uh...Copy !req
523. What, I can't be in a bad mood?Copy !req
524. It's like, people think,
"oh, Josh is such a nice guy,Copy !req
525. "Josh is so happy-go-lucky,
Josh can't beCopy !req
526. in a bad mood." But you know what?Copy !req
527. Josh can be in a bad mood,Copy !req
528. and right now Josh is be in a bad mood.Copy !req
529. Okay, you are being so weird.Copy !req
530. Do you want company in that shower?Copy !req
531. I'm... okay, you know,
I'm sorry, just...Copy !req
532. Not right now. Another time.Copy !req
533. Are you rejecting me?Copy !req
534. Are you turning down sex?Copy !req
535. Josh can turn down sex.Copy !req
536. And... and-and that's
what he is be doing.Copy !req
537. What is wrong with Josh?Copy !req
538. I'm here for you, my son.Copy !req
539. You're gonna have to stop calling that.Copy !req
540. We're the same age, brah.Copy !req
541. Whoa. Josh, why are you
getting so crabby, man?Copy !req
542. Is it 'cause you keep losing?Copy !req
543. You can't beat yourself up for that,Copy !req
544. because I've got Jesus on my side.Copy !req
545. All right... that's
not your piece. I'm red.Copy !req
546. Why is everyone always telling
me what to do all the time?Copy !req
547. Sorry, FB. I've been
snapping at everyone,Copy !req
548. - especially Valencia.
- Hmm.Copy !req
549. I even turned down sex.Copy !req
550. Wow.Copy !req
551. Josh, that's a big "wow" for you.Copy !req
552. I didn't even know men
were capable of doing that.Copy !req
553. Well, they... they are.Copy !req
554. - Oh, duh. I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
555. Eh, it's okay, sometimes I forget, too.Copy !req
556. Can you identify
the momentCopy !req
557. that you became so upset?Copy !req
558. It was at...Copy !req
559. Home Base.Copy !req
560. Greg made me upset.Copy !req
561. Okay. In what way?Copy !req
562. He was just being a big dumb-face.Copy !req
563. Why does Rebecca like him?Copy !req
564. Why is she all buddy-buddy with him?Copy !req
565. He's just a
stupid know-it-all.Copy !req
566. He's also your best friend.Copy !req
567. Right? I mean, what did Greg
do that made you so frustratedCopy !req
568. other than... befriend Rebecca?Copy !req
569. I don't know.Copy !req
570. What do you think?Copy !req
571. Well, can I be honest?Copy !req
572. I think you're acting likeCopy !req
573. a little bitch right now.Copy !req
574. Whoa! Dude!Copy !req
575. Josh, you kissed Rebecca,
but then you chose Valencia.Copy !req
576. And now you can't let
go of Rebecca's attentionCopy !req
577. and adoration, and that's why
you're jealous of Greg, dude.Copy !req
578. And that's how you're
acting like a little bitch.Copy !req
579. Okay? If RebeccaCopy !req
580. seems happy, you got to bow out, dawg.Copy !req
581. Let it be.Copy !req
582. You're all up in someone
else's beeswax right now.Copy !req
583. It's your move.Copy !req
584. It's your checkers move.Copy !req
585. Oh, yeah. Sorry.Copy !req
586. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
587. Mmm. Oh, my God, I was so hungry.Copy !req
588. Here, have the last lettuce cup.Copy !req
589. Really?Copy !req
590. You love hand-held salads.Copy !req
591. You said that you're still
hungry and it looks delicious.Copy !req
592. And you remembered?Copy !req
593. You just said it.Copy !req
594. I know, but...Copy !req
595. You're really sweet.Copy !req
596. Like...Copy !req
597. You're just...Copy !req
598. You're the sweetest.Copy !req
599. What do you sayCopy !req
600. we break the sexual tension...Copy !req
601. With some actual sex?Copy !req
602. O... okay.Copy !req
603. - Yeah.
- Yeah?Copy !req
604. - Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, wait,Copy !req
605. how is your, um... situation?Copy !req
606. Oh, fine.Copy !req
607. Don't worry about it. Yeah.Copy !req
608. What's wrong?Copy !req
609. I got to go. I got to
break into a pie shop.Copy !req
610. What?Copy !req
611. Good-bye.Copy !req
612. Cool, see you. I'm gonna nap now.Copy !req
613. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.Copy !req
614. You're late. I have been standingCopy !req
615. in front of this stupid
pie shop for 20 minutes.Copy !req
616. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
617. Why do you smell like spit?Copy !req
618. No I don't. It's not spit. What?Copy !req
619. Okay, I feel stupid in these outfits.Copy !req
620. No, you love our stalking outfits.Copy !req
621. You always say how slimming they are.Copy !req
622. Yeah, but we're stalking
pastry, and it's just...Copy !req
623. It's not sexy.Copy !req
624. Oh, my God, stop ruining
this. Just come on.Copy !req
625. Come on!Copy !req
626. Okay.Copy !req
627. Oh, damn it. Oh, no,
I really have to pee.Copy !req
628. Well, can't you hold it?Copy !req
629. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of
course, I'm sorry. I...Copy !req
630. I drank a lot of water before
this because I was nervous.Copy !req
631. Uh, okay.Copy !req
632. Look at that,Copy !req
633. look at that. She's totally
adding something to the crust.Copy !req
634. Look. She is
doing something secretive.Copy !req
635. She has a secret
ingredient of some kind.Copy !req
636. I knew it, I knew it.Copy !req
637. But what is... you
think it's extra sugar?Copy !req
638. It's lard?Copy !req
639. Heroin?Copy !req
640. You never know.Copy !req
641. The second she's gone, we're going in.Copy !req
642. Okay.Copy !req
643. Oh!Copy !req
644. Okay...Copy !req
645. The coast appears to be clear.Copy !req
646. - Awesome.
- Let us retrieve the package.Copy !req
647. Okay, I will stay here
and be the lookout.Copy !req
648. Okay. Great.Copy !req
649. All right.Copy !req
650. What's... what are you doing?Copy !req
651. Rebecca, what are you doing?Copy !req
652. Just in case there are lasers.Copy !req
653. There aren't... that's so stupid.Copy !req
654. Oh, wait. I have an idea.Copy !req
655. What?Copy !req
656. Okay. Watch this.Copy !req
657. No, no.Copy !req
658. No, no, d... please don't touch the...Copy !req
659. Okay, we are good on lasers.Copy !req
660. Right. Great.Copy !req
661. I don't know.Copy !req
662. What if it's booby-trapped?Copy !req
663. It's a refrigerator.Copy !req
664. Just... open the door, Tom Cruise.Copy !req
665. You're just, like, no fun right now.Copy !req
666. All right.Copy !req
667. All right, I got it.Copy !req
668. Did you just pee yourself?Copy !req
669. I have two kids. I know that face.Copy !req
670. No, it's fine. It's
just a little squirt.Copy !req
671. My pants got most of
it. Catch this! Wait. Oh.Copy !req
672. Okay. Come on.Copy !req
673. Okay. Heee!Copy !req
674. No, you don't have to...Copy !req
675. All right, you know what?Copy !req
676. Okay.Copy !req
677. We've got the secret ingredients,Copy !req
678. - so let's figure out what it is.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
679. You want to Bunsen
burner that thing? Ooh.Copy !req
680. Better yet, I have a centrifuge
I bought in Colonial WilliamsburgCopy !req
681. when I was 12... I've never used it,Copy !req
682. but I brought it to West Covina.Copy !req
683. Okay, maybe... or just taste
it, just taste it. Okay.Copy !req
684. It's...Copy !req
685. Yeah, it's unsalted butter.Copy !req
686. Whoa!Copy !req
687. Is that common? I don't cook.Copy !req
688. Yeah. No, everybody uses it.Copy !req
689. She's just a better baker than me.Copy !req
690. And, you know, that's no secret.Copy !req
691. I don't know what I was thinking.Copy !req
692. It's okay.Copy !req
693. You know what? Screw this.Copy !req
694. You don't need a secret ingredient.Copy !req
695. Right? Just like we don't
need a secret ingredient.Copy !req
696. We've been having so much funCopy !req
697. without talking about you know who,Copy !req
698. and it's been amazing...Copy !req
699. Because it doesn't matter what we
do, as long as we do it together.Copy !req
700. So...Copy !req
701. Forget all I was saying about winning,Copy !req
702. and let's just have fun and bake a pie.Copy !req
703. Okay.Copy !req
704. Okay.Copy !req
705. You know, you're right. You are right.Copy !req
706. Let's do this.Copy !req
707. Yeah.Copy !req
708. Okay. Hey, boob five.Copy !req
709. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
710. - Wow, just... every time.
- Sorry, they're heavy.Copy !req
711. Hey, I had a thought.Copy !req
712. - Hmm?
- Um...Copy !req
713. I was thinking that tomorrow night...Copy !req
714. You know, before... pound time,Copy !req
715. um... I don't know, that
we could go to this drive-inCopy !req
716. in Alhambra.Copy !req
717. I-I read that they're
showing Casablanca, and...Copy !req
718. I just thought it would
be fun for you and ICopy !req
719. to spend some... you know, time togetherCopy !req
720. in an outdoor setting.Copy !req
721. Or indoors. I mean,
cars are indoors and...Copy !req
722. - You get what I'm saying?
- Yeah, sounds like a great idea.Copy !req
723. Yeah?Copy !req
724. Oh, wait, tomorrow night?Copy !req
725. Yeah, do you have work?Copy !req
726. Do you have, like, a hot date?Copy !req
727. Wait. Seriously, you do?Copy !req
728. - You do.
- Oh, well, not exactly.Copy !req
729. Hec-Hector wants me
to meet this girl...Copy !req
730. Uh-huh, and you said yes?Copy !req
731. Well I haven't said
anything either way...Copy !req
732. yet.Copy !req
733. Uh-huh.Copy !req
734. But you didn't say no right away.Copy !req
735. Given our history I thought
I should at least...Copy !req
736. considering...Copy !req
737. Yeah.Copy !req
738. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
739. I-I... absolutelyCopy !req
740. yes, you should go on a date.Copy !req
741. - We are not exclusive.
- Hmm.Copy !req
742. Umm, I mean totally. I
myself have like um...Copy !req
743. eight dates... lined up like you.Copy !req
744. Eight?Copy !req
745. Yeah. I got a matinee one day.Copy !req
746. I'm, like, on a, um, Broadway schedule.Copy !req
747. Oh. Okay, that's cool.Copy !req
748. Mm. Mm.Copy !req
749. So...Copy !req
750. You have a...Copy !req
751. Great date.Copy !req
752. Okay, I will.Copy !req
753. And you...Copy !req
754. Break a leg?Copy !req
755. Yeah. Cool.Copy !req
756. You know...Copy !req
757. I think this pie could
actually take the cakeCopy !req
758. First place in cake. It's weird.Copy !req
759. - Mm-hmm.
- You okay?Copy !req
760. Yeah. Sorry. Feeling a little weird.Copy !req
761. - Don't worry. I'm fine.
- Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
762. Mmm...Copy !req
763. Yup, good mouth feel.Copy !req
764. Mm-mm got a nice flaky under-crust.Copy !req
765. I'm getting lime, I'm getting cardamom,Copy !req
766. I'm getting just a note of cheddar.Copy !req
767. - Also...
- You just fill out a card, sir.Copy !req
768. Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
769. Ooh, what do weCopy !req
770. - have here?
- Ooh... lemon meringue!Copy !req
771. Sebastian.Copy !req
772. For me? Thank you.Copy !req
773. Mmm...Copy !req
774. Mmm...Copy !req
775. Oh, damn it... that
woman is a pastry witch.Copy !req
776. Ow.Copy !req
777. Do you need to sit down?Copy !req
778. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
779. I'm fine.Copy !req
780. Okay.Copy !req
781. You know, I'm so glad
we did this together.Copy !req
782. You were right about us.Copy !req
783. Yeah.Copy !req
784. Hello, ladies.Copy !req
785. I will not be greeting you by name,Copy !req
786. not will I be looking
you directly in the eyes,Copy !req
787. for I am impartial.Copy !req
788. I am so voting for you ladies.Copy !req
789. I love you guys so much.
I love you both a lot,Copy !req
790. and I love Paula's pies,
and I just feel so inspiredCopy !req
791. - Who's next?
- By your friendship every day.Copy !req
792. Judges! Yes, well, I am ready nowCopy !req
793. to sample Paula's Pretty
Pecan Pie, if I may.Copy !req
794. Sebastian, for you.Copy !req
795. - Thank you.
- Mmm...Copy !req
796. Mmm...Copy !req
797. Mmm... mmm...Copy !req
798. Oh... mmm...Copy !req
799. Oh, my God, they love it.Copy !req
800. Rebecca, they love it.Copy !req
801. Oh, my God!Copy !req
802. Honey, what's wrong?Copy !req
803. Yo, Greggy!Copy !req
804. Over here.Copy !req
805. - This is Angie.
- Nice to meet you, Greg.Copy !req
806. And this is her cousin, Brandy.Copy !req
807. Hello Brandy.Copy !req
808. Hi, Greg. I've heard a lot about you.Copy !req
809. Well, I hope it wasn't all...Copy !req
810. I'm sorry, I need to go.Copy !req
811. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
812. B-bro, so rude.Copy !req
813. Is it Rebecca?Copy !req
814. I'm sorry. She needs me.Copy !req
815. Dude. If you go now, you're done.Copy !req
816. You'll never get the upper hand again.Copy !req
817. Well, I guess we'll just
have to have a threesome.Copy !req
818. Really?Copy !req
819. No. She's my cousin.Copy !req
820. Gross. Ew.Copy !req
821. Everything's gonna be okay, cookie.Copy !req
822. I am right here.Copy !req
823. Oh! And I forgot to tell you we won!Copy !req
824. Yeah. Just as they were
dragging your little body away,Copy !req
825. they-they announced...Copy !req
826. Paula's Pretty Pecan Pie won!Copy !req
827. Oh, my poor, sweet,
innocent little thing, Wha...Copy !req
828. What happened to you?Copy !req
829. What are you doing here?Copy !req
830. Rebecca texted me. Is she okay?Copy !req
831. I'm-I'm waiting for the
doctor. Why'd she text you?Copy !req
832. Paula, I came as soon
as I got your text.Copy !req
833. Ah, you told Josh to come.Copy !req
834. - That makes sense.
- Wh-what's wrong with her?Copy !req
835. Is she okay?Copy !req
836. Doctor, what's wrong with my cookie?Copy !req
837. I don't know what's wrong with your
cookie, but hers is a mess.Copy !req
838. I'm sorry, that was inappropriate.Copy !req
839. It's her pee-hole that's been destroyed.Copy !req
840. What?Copy !req
841. She has a UTI and didn't take any meds,Copy !req
842. so the infection went
to her kidneys and...Copy !req
843. Man down!Copy !req
844. You're a colorful doctor.Copy !req
845. Thank you. I am taking standup
classes at Claremont at nightCopy !req
846. when my wife is working.Copy !req
847. I'm pretty alone at night.Copy !req
848. A UTI.Copy !req
849. So you are sleeping
with someone. I knew it!Copy !req
850. And after you specificallyCopy !req
851. swore that you weren't!Copy !req
852. God, we don't keep secrets!Copy !req
853. They have boundary issues.Copy !req
854. Hey, we don't keep secrets,Copy !req
855. and we don't lie to each other, okay?Copy !req
856. We've discussed it, and we don't do it.Copy !req
857. Sleeping with someone? Who
is Rebecca sleeping with?Copy !req
858. Yeah! That's what I would like to know.Copy !req
859. Uh, I sense a truth bomb coming.Copy !req
860. Everyone take cover.Copy !req
861. Uh, yeah, it's me.Copy !req
862. No.Copy !req
863. Yeah.Copy !req
864. No.Copy !req
865. No, it can't be you.Copy !req
866. It's definitely me.Copy !req
867. It's not you. She told me it wasn't you.Copy !req
868. It can't be you.Copy !req
869. - You're sleeping with Rebecca?
- All the time. A lot.Copy !req
870. It's Greg? It's Greg?
You're sleeping with Greg?Copy !req
871. Rebecca?Copy !req
872. How could you?Copy !req
873. Lot of differences
between men and women.Copy !req
874. Lot of differences, lot of differences.Copy !req
875. As a doctor, I notice
a lot of differences,Copy !req
876. a lot of differences.Copy !req
877. Hey, you ever notice how
when a male patient dies,Copy !req
878. he's all like...Copy !req
879. But when a female patient dies,Copy !req
880. she's like, “beep, beep, beep!”Copy !req
881. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req