1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...Copy !req
2. Let's delve into your childhood.Copy !req
3. I've been through the therapy wringer.Copy !req
4. I've rehashed my childhood a ton.Copy !req
5. I don't really want to do it again.Copy !req
6. I love him so much.Copy !req
7. I know, sweetie.Copy !req
8. You did what?Copy !req
9. You kissed her?Copy !req
10. - I-I feel terrible.
- You feel terrible?Copy !req
11. I got caught up in the moment in court!Copy !req
12. I-I don't know what happened. I'm sorry.Copy !req
13. Do you love her?Copy !req
14. No.Copy !req
15. God, no.Copy !req
16. Why doesn't anyone love me?Copy !req
17. He doesn't love me. I hate my life.Copy !req
18. Why doesn't anyone love
me? He doesn't love me.Copy !req
19. We're stuck together
for the next five hours.Copy !req
20. You want to give it a go?Copy !req
21. Do some therapy?Copy !req
22. Okay.Copy !req
23. Yeah, let's do this.Copy !req
24. Okay, don't scratch the walls, please.Copy !req
25. Or the floors or... You know, anything.Copy !req
26. Watch out for the ceramic horse.Copy !req
27. It goes right there. Put it right there.Copy !req
28. It's my best friend's
couch, she lives here.Copy !req
29. I mean, she had to sell the couch,Copy !req
30. but I got it back for her.Copy !req
31. Cost me 80 bucks.Copy !req
32. I'm telling you, it
was worth every penny,Copy !req
33. because she is my best friend.Copy !req
34. Yeah, we know everything
about each other.Copy !req
35. I mean, I'd tell you
where she is right now,Copy !req
36. but, eh, it's kind
of a big secret, so...Copy !req
37. I'm kidding!Copy !req
38. She's in Hawaii withCopy !req
39. her ex-soon-to-be-current-boyfriend,Copy !req
40. Joshua Felix Chan.Copy !req
41. Welcome aboard flight 72,Copy !req
42. with nonstop service to New York'sCopy !req
43. JFK International Airport.Copy !req
44. So, let's start by talking
about where you're going.Copy !req
45. Mmm... you mean, in life?Copy !req
46. No. I mean, why you're
going to New York.Copy !req
47. Oh, got it, yeah.Copy !req
48. We're on a plane.Copy !req
49. - Well, I was gonna go to Hawaii...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
50. With a friend...Copy !req
51. Kind of...Copy !req
52. But then... I realizedCopy !req
53. that my life in Southern CaliforniaCopy !req
54. is nothing but a pile
of garbage and turds.Copy !req
55. So I e-mailed my old bossCopy !req
56. to see if I could come backCopy !req
57. to my old firm in New York,Copy !req
58. and she said they'd welcome
me back with open arms.Copy !req
59. Another move. That's a big decision.Copy !req
60. Oh, yeah. I'm great at those.Copy !req
61. Rebecca, you and I never even had timeCopy !req
62. to cover the fundamentals.Copy !req
63. I never got a chance to ask youCopy !req
64. what brought you to West
Covina in the first place?Copy !req
65. That's a sexist term.Copy !req
66. Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?Copy !req
67. The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.Copy !req
68. Okay! We get it!Copy !req
69. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req
70. So you did move to West Covina for Josh?Copy !req
71. Oh, yeah. 100%.Copy !req
72. I should update that story.Copy !req
73. And when you got to town,Copy !req
74. didn't anyone see through
your excuses right away?Copy !req
75. Nope. You'd be surprised.Copy !req
76. You lie to yourself well enough,Copy !req
77. you can convince other people, too.Copy !req
78. Ugh, what is this stain?Copy !req
79. Oh, man, if she sits on
that, she might have triplets.Copy !req
80. Good call.Copy !req
81. Ah, so...Copy !req
82. I guess we should go back to work.Copy !req
83. Oh, wow.Copy !req
84. It is so quiet.Copy !req
85. I may just read a damn magazineCopy !req
86. like a real person.Copy !req
87. Does anybody in this house
need or want anything from me?Copy !req
88. No?Copy !req
89. Oh, my god...Copy !req
90. Oh, I love it here.Copy !req
91. So much... oh.Copy !req
92. What? Oh, you want to go back to work?Copy !req
93. Yeah, okay, go 'head.Copy !req
94. Mommy's gonna have herself
a little staycation.Copy !req
95. What? Just tell Darryl
I'm not feeling well.Copy !req
96. Don't worry, it's fine.Copy !req
97. Oh, believe me, Rebecca
is not gonna care.Copy !req
98. She's in Hawaii!Copy !req
99. She doesn't care about
anything right now.Copy !req
100. Anyway... things did not work outCopy !req
101. between me and Josh.Copy !req
102. - Hmm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
103. Love doesn't work out for me, ever.Copy !req
104. Rebecca, I'm sure that's not true.Copy !req
105. Oh, my god, it's absolutely true.Copy !req
106. Love does not last in my life.Copy !req
107. I always end up alone.Copy !req
108. My life... is loveless.Copy !req
109. "Loveless." That's the
word to describe my life.Copy !req
110. I'm horrible at love,
any sort of love...Copy !req
111. Relationships, family, pets.Copy !req
112. I ruin... everything.Copy !req
113. Can I remind you of something?Copy !req
114. You said the very same
thing when Josh found outCopy !req
115. about the broken window
in your apartment.Copy !req
116. And the next day at Boba,Copy !req
117. Paula told you that you
weren't a ruiner, not at all,Copy !req
118. that you were a put-togethererCopy !req
119. and that you helped
her save her marriage.Copy !req
120. That's... all true, but
how did you know that?Copy !req
121. I've only had one session with you,Copy !req
122. and it was months ago.Copy !req
123. Whoa!Copy !req
124. Thank you.Copy !req
125. Are you a ghost?Copy !req
126. Wait, you're not a ghost.Copy !req
127. I'm sitting next to you
on this plane... aren't I?Copy !req
128. Nope. You're asleep, my friend.Copy !req
129. Oh, right!Copy !req
130. I sat down next to you.Copy !req
131. You said, "well, we're
gonna be stuck togetherCopy !req
132. "for the next five hours.Copy !req
133. Might as well do a therapy session."Copy !req
134. I said, "cool," but then I downedCopy !req
135. a couple sleeping pills
with a Bloody Mary.Copy !req
136. I'm sorry.Copy !req
137. Wait... am I dead?Copy !req
138. Isn't that what a ghost is?Copy !req
139. There are such things as dream ghosts.Copy !req
140. A dream ghost! Well, that sounds fun.Copy !req
141. Oh, can we do fun things?Copy !req
142. There's a ton of stuff I want to do.Copy !req
143. I want to haunt Hitler and
get him to rethink a few things.Copy !req
144. I want to see what
Oprah does in her bathtub.Copy !req
145. And three: I want to
go to the nearest planetCopy !req
146. with intelligent life and see a play.Copy !req
147. That's not what dream ghosts do.Copy !req
148. Oh... no, really?Copy !req
149. Listen up, honey.Copy !req
150. You obviouslyCopy !req
151. don't understand why I'm here.Copy !req
152. So allow me to break it down for you.Copy !req
153. Wow, so there are a lot of dream ghosts.Copy !req
154. Yep. A lot of people on this
plane are having predicaments.Copy !req
155. Wow, I had no idea.Copy !req
156. That ghosts exist?Copy !req
157. No, that a health plan
could exclude dental.Copy !req
158. I mean,Copy !req
159. many basic health problems
start with gingivitis.Copy !req
160. All right. Are you ready?Copy !req
161. Now come with me.Copy !req
162. Where are we... Where are we going?Copy !req
163. We're beginning our journey.Copy !req
164. Our spectral vacation.Copy !req
165. Here we go.Copy !req
166. Oh... we're startingCopy !req
167. with a puberty memory?Copy !req
168. Harsh. Why are we doing that?Copy !req
169. I go where the pain is.Copy !req
170. And you just, like, admit that?Copy !req
171. You say love never works out for you.Copy !req
172. Let's see if it's really true.Copy !req
173. So what is this memory?Copy !req
174. Oh, my god.Copy !req
175. This is the first timeCopy !req
176. I visited my father in Santa Fe.Copy !req
177. It's where he moved after,Copy !req
178. you know, the divorce.Copy !req
179. Oh, yeah, I came here for a visit.Copy !req
180. And... ?Copy !req
181. And I didn't tell him I was coming.Copy !req
182. Surprise!Copy !req
183. Ooh, photos.Copy !req
184. Oh!Copy !req
185. Her Josh pictures came in.Copy !req
186. Eh, no one's here.Copy !req
187. Rebecca, is that you?Copy !req
188. Uh, uh, uh...Copy !req
189. Um...Copy !req
190. - Hi.
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
191. Is Rebecca here?Copy !req
192. Uh, no.Copy !req
193. But you're here.Copy !req
194. And... in her bathrobe?Copy !req
195. Aren't you in... Hawaii right now?Copy !req
196. What? How do you know about that?Copy !req
197. Well, Rebecca mentioned
the surf tournament.Copy !req
198. I decided not to go.Copy !req
199. And why are you here?Copy !req
200. Well, I've been texting
her and calling herCopy !req
201. to tell her something and...Copy !req
202. Where is she?Copy !req
203. Well, I thought she was with...Copy !req
204. I mean, I thought I knew where she was,Copy !req
205. but I guess I don't.Copy !req
206. I just wanted to see you, daddy.Copy !req
207. I just wanted to see you, dad.Copy !req
208. How did you get here?Copy !req
209. Let's not talk about logistics.Copy !req
210. They don't matter.Copy !req
211. I'm just so happy we're together!Copy !req
212. You said if only we could
spend more vacations together.Copy !req
213. Well, I'm here.Copy !req
214. Spring break!Copy !req
215. Well...Copy !req
216. What... happened to your hair?Copy !req
217. Oh, certain hormonal
changes have occurred.Copy !req
218. It's unfortunate, butCopy !req
219. such is life.Copy !req
220. You know, your motherCopy !req
221. didn't call to tell me you were coming.Copy !req
222. Please don't tell Naomi.Copy !req
223. She doesn't know I'm here.Copy !req
224. I told herCopy !req
225. I was at a spring break
choir camp in Poughkeepsie.Copy !req
226. I forged the forms and
created a fake P.O. Box.Copy !req
227. Then I used my bat mitzvah
money to buy a plane ticket.Copy !req
228. But I had to use Aunt
Nancy's name for the ticket,Copy !req
229. because they don't sell to minors,Copy !req
230. which is just discrimination!Copy !req
231. Wow!Copy !req
232. I knew you were bright, but...Copy !req
233. Are you... busy this week?Copy !req
234. Are you not happy to see me?Copy !req
235. Of course I'm happy to see you!Copy !req
236. This is the greatest surprise ever!Copy !req
237. We're gonna have a great time.Copy !req
238. Come on, let's, uh,Copy !req
239. let's get you settled.Copy !req
240. All right.Copy !req
241. So, West Covina wasn't the first timeCopy !req
242. you made a rash decision to try
to win back the man you love.Copy !req
243. That's not...Copy !req
244. The two aren't...Copy !req
245. No, that's...Copy !req
246. They're two different situations.Copy !req
247. I mean, clearly,Copy !req
248. my mother had been keeping us apartCopy !req
249. and we were meant to be together.Copy !req
250. Mm, I did some research.Copy !req
251. And I'd love to go seeCopy !req
252. El Rancho de Las Golondrinas
while I'm here.Copy !req
253. And of course the
Georgia O'Keeffe Museum.Copy !req
254. That sounds great.Copy !req
255. Why aren't you eating your salsa?Copy !req
256. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
257. I just hate cilantro.Copy !req
258. Me, too. Screw cilantro.Copy !req
259. It stinks.Copy !req
260. We have so much in common.Copy !req
261. Yeah, we do, right?Copy !req
262. What should we do after dinner?Copy !req
263. Watch TV or play a game?Copy !req
264. Or we could just talk about our livesCopy !req
265. and, like, our ten favorite songs?Copy !req
266. Yeah.Copy !req
267. We can do that.Copy !req
268. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
269. About there being love in my life.Copy !req
270. He did love me.Copy !req
271. Love comes in many forms.Copy !req
272. But the kind of love a child needsCopy !req
273. is the kind they can count on.Copy !req
274. What does that mean?Copy !req
275. Wake up, sleepyhead!Copy !req
276. I made pancakes.Copy !req
277. Oh, wow.Copy !req
278. Morning.Copy !req
279. Good morning.Copy !req
280. You know,Copy !req
281. I really do love you, Becca.Copy !req
282. Of course you do.Copy !req
283. Naomi was just keeping us apart.Copy !req
284. - Yeah.
- But that's over now.Copy !req
285. And next time I won't
have to make a secret plan.Copy !req
286. I'm going to ask herCopy !req
287. if I can spend holidays
with you from now on.Copy !req
288. - Well...
- Wouldn't that be great?Copy !req
289. Sure.Copy !req
290. Santa Fe is-is wonderful at Christmas.Copy !req
291. Yes, Christmas!Copy !req
292. I'm half-Christmas anyway.Copy !req
293. Just a minute.Copy !req
294. Hi, Naomi.Copy !req
295. Silas.Copy !req
296. No.Copy !req
297. Mom, no!Copy !req
298. What is she doing here?Copy !req
299. What are you doing here?Copy !req
300. No one asked you to come.Copy !req
301. God, I hate this part. I hate this part.Copy !req
302. This is when she
ripped me away from him.Copy !req
303. You know, he loved me. He did.Copy !req
304. But of course I couldn't have that.Copy !req
305. Did you snoop around my room?Copy !req
306. Oh, you did, didn't you?Copy !req
307. You're such a snoop!Copy !req
308. Becca, get your things
and get in the car.Copy !req
309. - No.
- Becca?Copy !req
310. - No, you can't make me!
- Listen to me.Copy !req
311. Tell her!Copy !req
312. We have plans... The museums,Copy !req
313. holidays, Christmas... right?Copy !req
314. Rebecca, honey.Copy !req
315. Go in the car for a moment
while your mother and I talk.Copy !req
316. I'll see what I can do.Copy !req
317. All right?Copy !req
318. Okay, and I know what happened next.Copy !req
319. She ruined everything.Copy !req
320. There was nothing more...Copy !req
321. Listen.Copy !req
322. Silas?Copy !req
323. Silas?Copy !req
324. She came all this way to see you.Copy !req
325. She spent her own money.Copy !req
326. She came up with this fakakta plan.Copy !req
327. Why do you have to make me
take her back right away?Copy !req
328. Can't you just spend time
with her for a couple of days?Copy !req
329. I'll-I'll go to a spa.Copy !req
330. I'll-I'll-I'll
wait.Copy !req
331. I-I...Copy !req
332. I could use a good scrub.Copy !req
333. I have plans, Naomi.Copy !req
334. - No one told me.
- Plans, I bet.Copy !req
335. - Who is she?
- Oh, don't you judge me.Copy !req
336. I wasn't prepared!Copy !req
337. Prepared for what?Copy !req
338. She's your child!Copy !req
339. And-and she cooks and sheCopy !req
340. does dishes and she
won't be a bother to you.Copy !req
341. For heaven's sake, Silas,Copy !req
342. be a person! Have a heart!Copy !req
343. You're her father! She loves you!Copy !req
344. Don't you tell me what I should do!Copy !req
345. How to be a father!Copy !req
346. All right, when I get my life together,Copy !req
347. when I am really settled
down, I'll come see her.Copy !req
348. Right.Copy !req
349. I'll figure out a plan.Copy !req
350. I want to.Copy !req
351. She's... she's a cute kid.Copy !req
352. She, she's not a kid!Copy !req
353. She's your daughter, you ass!Copy !req
354. I just can't have anyone
holding me back right now.Copy !req
355. Right.Copy !req
356. Please don't tell her.Copy !req
357. She won't understand.Copy !req
358. Don't worry, I won't tell her.Copy !req
359. Not for your sake but for hers.Copy !req
360. So she'll never know
what you're capable of.Copy !req
361. Or not capable of.Copy !req
362. And I didn't see him for two more years.Copy !req
363. And I always blamed her.Copy !req
364. I always thought she was
the one keeping us apart.Copy !req
365. She never told me any of this.Copy !req
366. Why?Copy !req
367. Because she didn't want to hurt you.Copy !req
368. Because someone did love you.Copy !req
369. Someone still does.Copy !req
370. Just didn't happen to be him.Copy !req
371. See, there is love in your life.Copy !req
372. You just have to know how to find it.Copy !req
373. That's what you take
away from that story?Copy !req
374. That my mother loved me?Copy !req
375. Okay, with all due respect,Copy !req
376. a mother's love...
That's the bare minimum.Copy !req
377. I mean, geez, serial killers
have mothers that love them.Copy !req
378. What I take away from that story is,Copy !req
379. my father's even worse than I thought.Copy !req
380. I always knew he was an
abandoning piece garbage,Copy !req
381. but, geez, I thought at least
I could blame my mother for it.Copy !req
382. Can't believe she never
told me that story.Copy !req
383. She never misses an
opportunity to rub things in.Copy !req
384. Maybe you misjudged her in some way.Copy !req
385. Maybe I did.Copy !req
386. Well, thanks a lot, dream ghost.Copy !req
387. You just made everything a lot worse.Copy !req
388. Because now I have
to be nicer to my mom.Copy !req
389. Boo.Copy !req
390. God, and this just only proves my point.Copy !req
391. It's like I said.Copy !req
392. Love never lasts.Copy !req
393. Nobody really cares about me.Copy !req
394. Where would she have
gone without telling me?Copy !req
395. It's not like her. She
always tells me everything.Copy !req
396. I don't know. Like I said,Copy !req
397. I've been texting her and calling herCopy !req
398. for the last day, and nothing.Copy !req
399. Why have you been texting her?Copy !req
400. Um, that's not reallyCopy !req
401. any of your business.Copy !req
402. Oh, pumpkin!Copy !req
403. If you only knew what was my business!Copy !req
404. I know that you and Rebecca kissed.Copy !req
405. I know that you were gonna tell ValenciaCopy !req
406. and that she was gonna
dropkick your ass.Copy !req
407. - How did you... ?
- Wait!Copy !req
408. Did you and Valencia not break up?Copy !req
409. Oh, no, you two are staying
together, aren't you?Copy !req
410. Again, not really any of your...Copy !req
411. And Rebecca found out! Oh, my god!Copy !req
412. She couldn't know.Copy !req
413. I-I haven't told her yet.Copy !req
414. Okay, I just need to
calm down and think!Copy !req
415. I just need to calm down!Copy !req
416. Where is Rebecca?Copy !req
417. What is happening?Copy !req
418. She didn't show up for work.Copy !req
419. And I called her and I texted herCopy !req
420. and I e-mailed her, and nothing.Copy !req
421. Why are you wearing a bathrobe?Copy !req
422. Is that your nipple?Copy !req
423. Well...Copy !req
424. You called in sick today!Copy !req
425. It is a personal day, Darryl!Copy !req
426. Personal!Copy !req
427. Personal means one
person. Why is he here?Copy !req
428. He is here because he is
also looking for Rebecca.Copy !req
429. Yeah, I'm starting to
get kind of worried.Copy !req
430. Oh, my god, the cheerful man is worried?Copy !req
431. I mean, is Rebecca missing?Copy !req
432. Okay, so after that heartwarming
story with my father,Copy !req
433. you better have something
good up your ghost sleeve.Copy !req
434. After your father's abandonment...Copy !req
435. Wow, you're a downer.Copy !req
436. What were your other
relationships like after that?Copy !req
437. With other men?Copy !req
438. Oh, my god, they were fantastic.Copy !req
439. They were beautiful, filled
with respect and mutual orgasms.Copy !req
440. What do you think? They were disasters.Copy !req
441. Look, I didn't show you that
last memory to upset you.Copy !req
442. I wanted you to see that
sometimes love comes upCopy !req
443. in unexpected places.Copy !req
444. "Oh, loves comes
in unexpect... " Is that right?Copy !req
445. Take, for instance,
sophomore year, Harvard.Copy !req
446. That play you were in.Copy !req
447. Wait, that play?Copy !req
448. That wasn't fun, and
I quit halfway through.Copy !req
449. Why is that important?Copy !req
450. But something very important
happened to you there.Copy !req
451. All right, fine, we
going back to college?Copy !req
452. - Mm-hmm.
- Great.Copy !req
453. Let's gain some weight.Copy !req
454. Well, it was a tough
process, but you made it through.Copy !req
455. You are the cream of
the crop. You're late.Copy !req
456. Theodore, make a note of that in
our attendance records, please.Copy !req
457. 15 people auditioned;
I could only take 11.Copy !req
458. This musical adaptation of
Moby Dick is my senior thesis,Copy !req
459. and it is not gonna be easy.Copy !req
460. I'm so excited.Copy !req
461. I'm, like, obsessed with
the songs in the show.Copy !req
462. I've memorized them all.Copy !req
463. - Wow, that's cool.
- Yeah.Copy !req
464. Now, as we embark on
this struggle together,Copy !req
465. this triumphant struggle...
Because it will be a triumph,Copy !req
466. - make no mistake about that...
- What do you play?Copy !req
467. I'm fish # 3.Copy !req
468. Uh, I'm a swabber.Copy !req
469. I swab the decks, like, the whole play.Copy !req
470. Lucky.Copy !req
471. Guys!Copy !req
472. Let's see some focus.Copy !req
473. Thank you.Copy !req
474. Now, as I was saying...Copy !req
475. All right, good stuff, everybody.Copy !req
476. Remember, keep your bodies
connected at all times.Copy !req
477. Point of the exercise.Copy !req
478. So I'm totally pre-law,Copy !req
479. and if my mom found out
I was doing this play,Copy !req
480. she'd, like, stop paying my tuition.Copy !req
481. I feel kind of stupid. Do you?Copy !req
482. Yeah.Copy !req
483. Guys, let's take this seriously.Copy !req
484. This exercise will help us developCopy !req
485. a physical shorthand with each other.Copy !req
486. Now, all right, everyone,
take a look here.Copy !req
487. Thank you.Copy !req
488. Watch me and fish # 3.Copy !req
489. Right here.Copy !req
490. - Right there?
- Mm-hmm, come on.Copy !req
491. Oh.Copy !req
492. O... Kay.Copy !req
493. Yeah, just like that.Copy !req
494. Okay.Copy !req
495. Well, there goes that.Copy !req
496. You're good at this.Copy !req
497. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
498. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
499. I'm gonna bump you up to fish # 1.Copy !req
500. Thank you.Copy !req
501. Whoa.Copy !req
502. Whew, I haven't done that in years.Copy !req
503. I...Copy !req
504. Does anybody actually like that?Copy !req
505. I just...Copy !req
506. Ooh.Copy !req
507. So, wait, I'm confused.Copy !req
508. Are you trying to tell me that Warren,Copy !req
509. the douche bag senior,
was the love of my life?Copy !req
510. Wait, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
511. I know what you're trying to tell me.Copy !req
512. I know where this is going.Copy !req
513. - Ah, that's not bad.
- Thanks.Copy !req
514. I saw you got bumped up the food chain.Copy !req
515. Congrats.Copy !req
516. Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
517. You know...Copy !req
518. I really like... all this.Copy !req
519. You know, music and theater.Copy !req
520. I hadn't done it since
this summer camp I went to,Copy !req
521. like, a million years ago, but
I forgot how happy it made me.Copy !req
522. That's great.Copy !req
523. I'm really happy for you.Copy !req
524. There.Copy !req
525. I know what you're gonna say.Copy !req
526. You're saying that I should
have looked past WarrenCopy !req
527. and gone for Peter, because he
really cared about me, right?Copy !req
528. The lesson's not over.Copy !req
529. Tell me what happened next.Copy !req
530. You're also sleeping with Jennifer?Copy !req
531. Like, Jennifer, as in
"Kip the Cabin Boy"?Copy !req
532. Rebecca, we never
said we were exclusive.Copy !req
533. That's not what my lifestyle
as an artist is about.Copy !req
534. But I like you.Copy !req
535. - I-I really like you.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
536. I mean, I don't know
if I can be in the playCopy !req
537. if you're just sleeping with
someone else in front of me.Copy !req
538. Well, that's your choice.Copy !req
539. There's other fish in the sea.Copy !req
540. In this case, the metaphor applies.Copy !req
541. Uh, okay, then, well, I quit.Copy !req
542. Yeah, I quit the play.Copy !req
543. Suit yourself, fish # 1.Copy !req
544. I get what you're saying.Copy !req
545. I made a mistake.Copy !req
546. I should have seen pastCopy !req
547. my superficial feelings
for the roguish jerkCopy !req
548. to see the value of
a nice guy like Peter.Copy !req
549. Oh, god. No!Copy !req
550. Forget about the guys.Copy !req
551. That's the worst part
about being a ghostCopy !req
552. and working with women...
So much talk about the guys.Copy !req
553. It's like, "guys, forget the guys."Copy !req
554. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, I'm-I'm confused.Copy !req
555. You loved that play.Copy !req
556. You loved theater, and you loved music,Copy !req
557. and you were gonna change your major.Copy !req
558. You spent hours practicing alone.Copy !req
559. Okay, so I loved being in a play.Copy !req
560. But that's not a person.Copy !req
561. So how is that real love?Copy !req
562. Love doesn't have to be a person.Copy !req
563. It can be a passion.Copy !req
564. And that passion has sustained youCopy !req
565. for much of your life, hasn't it?Copy !req
566. I guess it has.Copy !req
567. Yeah. Yeah, when things get tough,Copy !req
568. it's how I understand the world.Copy !req
569. Hmm, I imagine my life as
a series of musical numbers.Copy !req
570. I know.Copy !req
571. Thanks for the solo, by the way.Copy !req
572. I always wanted to rock some sequins.Copy !req
573. As I was saying, love
comes in different forms.Copy !req
574. You know, Rebecca, maybe it's notCopy !req
575. that you don't have love in your life.Copy !req
576. Maybe it's that you don't
recognize it when it's there.Copy !req
577. We get flashlights and
we sweep the forest.Copy !req
578. Darryl, there's no forest.Copy !req
579. What about those birch
trees over by the 10 freeway?Copy !req
580. Oh, I can call her mom.Copy !req
581. Are you kidding? I mean, I love you,Copy !req
582. but that's... that's a horrible idea.Copy !req
583. Yeah, no, no.Copy !req
584. Hello?Copy !req
585. Please. uh, what's he doing here?Copy !req
586. Darryl texted me, uh, to come over.Copy !req
587. Something about Rebecca? What's wrong?Copy !req
588. Yeah, she is completely
off the reservation.Copy !req
589. - We don't know where she is.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
590. When's the last time
someone talked to her?Copy !req
591. I saw her yesterday.Copy !req
592. But then she didn't reply to my text,Copy !req
593. but I thought, "no, that's
okay, because she's on a trip,Copy !req
594. and wearing a bikini and floppy hat,"Copy !req
595. but apparently she's not.Copy !req
596. Well, that's it, I'm calling the police.Copy !req
597. Whoa, whoa, and-and tell them what?Copy !req
598. That a person known for being
unpredictable and impulsiveCopy !req
599. has been missing for a day?Copy !req
600. You don't understand.Copy !req
601. Rebecca always tells
me what she's doing.Copy !req
602. Paula, with all due respect,
you haven't known her that long.Copy !req
603. Okay, Greg, just
because you're super hotCopy !req
604. doesn't mean you get to come in hereCopy !req
605. and say mean statements
about my friendship, Mr. Stud.Copy !req
606. Is Greg super hot?Copy !req
607. Well, yeah, if you like angry. Sure.Copy !req
608. Okay, wait-wait, Darryl's right.Copy !req
609. Like, not about Greg being
super hot or whatever.Copy !req
610. But we need to do somethingCopy !req
611. - right now.
- Yeah.Copy !req
612. I've had enough.Copy !req
613. I'm gonna figure out where she is.Copy !req
614. Whoa! That's not cool.Copy !req
615. What? Your friends don't
know all your passwords?Copy !req
616. Mmm, not sure I would call
them friends, then, Darryl.Copy !req
617. A'ight, let's find outCopy !req
618. what we've got here.Copy !req
619. Deleted messages.Copy !req
620. Okay, I'm out. I'm not doing this.Copy !req
621. I'm sure she's fine and
there's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
622. When Rebecca comes back...
Probably any second...Copy !req
623. Tell her I said hey.Copy !req
624. Oh, my god.Copy !req
625. What? What is it?Copy !req
626. Has she been catfished
by a drug smuggler?Copy !req
627. - What?
- I watched this TV showCopy !req
628. called "Catfished by a Drug Smuggler".Copy !req
629. It's on the new Catfishing Channel.Copy !req
630. Oh, my god, it is so good.Copy !req
631. I-I binged the entire thing.Copy !req
632. Okay, I know what's happening.Copy !req
633. - You do?
- Yes.Copy !req
634. - What?
- She is moving back to New York!Copy !req
635. At least we know she's not dead.Copy !req
636. Uh, it's worse than her dying.Copy !req
637. She is leaving us!Copy !req
638. I can't believe she's movingCopy !req
639. back to New York.Copy !req
640. Oh, that's just schmuckbait...
She's not going anywhere.Copy !req
641. She's just being dramatic.Copy !req
642. No! She has a plane ticket, a job offer.Copy !req
643. She's looking at sublets. Oh, my
god, she didn't tell me any of this!Copy !req
644. And as quickly as she entered our lives,Copy !req
645. - poof... she's gone.
- Oh, stop it,Copy !req
646. Darryl, she's not gone, okay?Copy !req
647. She's not allowed to disappear on me.Copy !req
648. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm so confused.Copy !req
649. She said she hated living in New York.Copy !req
650. We talk about it all the time.Copy !req
651. I mean, she wasn't happy there.Copy !req
652. Yeah, but sometimes there are thingsCopy !req
653. that are more important
than being happy.Copy !req
654. I was... unhappily married.Copy !req
655. But I had a child and I stuck it out.Copy !req
656. - For years.
- She can't do this.Copy !req
657. She can't just opt out
because it got hard.Copy !req
658. I mean, you don't think I
want to opt out every day?Copy !req
659. You think I don't want to unsubscribeCopy !req
660. from, like, half the things in my life?Copy !req
661. Paula, if that's true, then
you should change your life.Copy !req
662. People actually do that.Copy !req
663. - Not me, but, you know...
- I still don't get it.Copy !req
664. This town is great.Copy !req
665. She told me she loved it here.Copy !req
666. Why would she want to leave?Copy !req
667. So let's recap.Copy !req
668. My mother loves me, I love music.Copy !req
669. Fantastic.Copy !req
670. You're skirting the real issue
which got us here in the first place,Copy !req
671. which is that I can't
find anybody to love me.Copy !req
672. Like, real love. Like, boy-girl love.Copy !req
673. I mean, that's... okay,
that's gender normative.Copy !req
674. But you get what I'm saying, right?Copy !req
675. It's like me lovee you,
kissy kissy kissy time,Copy !req
676. we make babies now,
and I'm doing an accent.Copy !req
677. I don't know why I'm doing an accent.Copy !req
678. Look, you're not the only personCopy !req
679. to have difficulties in this area.Copy !req
680. Maybe you don't have one special person,Copy !req
681. but you have many people.Copy !req
682. Plural people?Copy !req
683. Hello?Copy !req
684. They're here because they love you.Copy !req
685. What?Copy !req
686. No.Copy !req
687. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
688. No.Copy !req
689. No.Copy !req
690. Oh, they all look so worried.Copy !req
691. I should text Paula.Copy !req
692. Can I text someone from a dream?Copy !req
693. Okay, guess I can't.Copy !req
694. Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
695. Oh, it's my bonus check.Copy !req
696. I'm not broke anymore.Copy !req
697. I can buy back my Hyundai!Copy !req
698. - Yay!
- Shh!Copy !req
699. Listen!Copy !req
700. God, you talk too much.Copy !req
701. Talk too much.Copy !req
702. Can't believe my cookie is moving away.Copy !req
703. We had some really great times together.Copy !req
704. She was the best employee I ever had.Copy !req
705. No, I mean... It wasn't just that.Copy !req
706. Rebecca made me wake up.Copy !req
707. You know, if it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't have changed my life.Copy !req
708. Me neither.Copy !req
709. I mean, she got me that job at Aloha's.Copy !req
710. She helped me believe in myselfCopy !req
711. for the first time, like... ever.Copy !req
712. She helped me with my marriage.Copy !req
713. She was like... a surrogate daughter.Copy !req
714. What, me? I got nothin'.Copy !req
715. She's done nothing but
cause problems for me.Copy !req
716. I don't even know why I'm still here.Copy !req
717. Okay, so all these people
are technically here,Copy !req
718. but that doesn't necessarily
mean they love me.Copy !req
719. Let's contrast how they're feelingCopy !req
720. with the way people felt
when you left New York.Copy !req
721. Whoa...Copy !req
722. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish.Copy !req
723. - Hear, hear.
- Cheers.Copy !req
724. You know what?Copy !req
725. Now that I think about it,Copy !req
726. I might miss her.Copy !req
727. Good one, right?Copy !req
728. God, she's a heinous bitch.Copy !req
729. West Covina was the first placeCopy !req
730. that you acted like a person.Copy !req
731. And because of it, you
forged true relationships.Copy !req
732. Look how worried they are.Copy !req
733. Look at how everyone cares about you.Copy !req
734. No, not everyone.Copy !req
735. He probably knows me
as well as anyone here.Copy !req
736. He doesn't care if I live
or die. You heard him.Copy !req
737. Are you sure?Copy !req
738. Are you sure he doesn't care?Copy !req
739. I mean, I thought I was,Copy !req
740. but now that you say it like that,Copy !req
741. I'm not so sure anymore.Copy !req
742. Look at his phone.Copy !req
743. Wait, won't he notice
if I grab his phone?Copy !req
744. Again, dream.Copy !req
745. Ghost. Illusion.Copy !req
746. Let me just freeze
everything for a second.Copy !req
747. Whoa!Copy !req
748. Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
749. Your powers are so cool.Copy !req
750. This is amazing.Copy !req
751. This is so cool. Wait, like...Copy !req
752. How does one become a dream ghost?Copy !req
753. What's the application process like?Copy !req
754. 'Cause this, I could
do some damage with...Copy !req
755. Right. Greg's phone, Greg's phone.Copy !req
756. Okay.Copy !req
757. Look at his calls.Copy !req
758. The ones he made before
he knew you were safe.Copy !req
759. Okay.Copy !req
760. Oh, my god.Copy !req
761. He called every hospital in the area.Copy !req
762. And some morgues.Copy !req
763. Now, why would he do that?Copy !req
764. Because he's hoping I was dead?Copy !req
765. Because he cares about me.Copy !req
766. What do you think?Copy !req
767. I mean... he doesn't show it.Copy !req
768. He's always so angry at me.Copy !req
769. Yeah, hot guys are kind of like that.Copy !req
770. The middle-aged ladies really dig Greg.Copy !req
771. Oh, yes.Copy !req
772. I wish he was a search
term on porn sites.Copy !req
773. Okay, let's cool it, dream ghost.Copy !req
774. But this is not about
Greg or any one man...Copy !req
775. It is about you, Rebecca.Copy !req
776. God, do you know how hard it isCopy !req
777. to pass the Bechdel Test
when you're a dream ghost?Copy !req
778. Oh. Yeah, I bet.Copy !req
779. There's a lot of love
in your life, Rebecca.Copy !req
780. If you opened your heartCopy !req
781. to the possibilities
of all kinds of love,Copy !req
782. something good might happen.Copy !req
783. You spend so much time obsessingCopy !req
784. about this one here,Copy !req
785. you've lost sight of everything else.Copy !req
786. And everyone else.Copy !req
787. I've just been dreaming
about him for so long.Copy !req
788. Like, most of my life.Copy !req
789. He is the dream, dream ghost.Copy !req
790. But he is an illusion.Copy !req
791. Just like I am.Copy !req
792. Maybe it's time you seeCopy !req
793. what else is in your life...Copy !req
794. besides Josh Chan.Copy !req
795. Wake up, Rebecca.Copy !req
796. What's wrong?Copy !req
797. Oh, my god.Copy !req
798. You were right.Copy !req
799. Everything you said... was right.Copy !req
800. Uh, I didn't say anything.Copy !req
801. You've been busy sleepingCopy !req
802. and I've been binge-watching Broad City.Copy !req
803. It's so funny.Copy !req
804. These girls just don't care.Copy !req
805. Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
806. No, I know this game.Copy !req
807. I know how dream ghosts work.Copy !req
808. Right, 'cause it was all a
dream and you were a ghost,Copy !req
809. but now you're gonna
do something all winkyCopy !req
810. and I'm gonna go,
"wait, it was all real."Copy !req
811. I think you need more therapyCopy !req
812. than I initially thought.Copy !req
813. Maybe you should come in twice a week.Copy !req
814. Yeah, okay. Whatever you say.Copy !req
815. But oh, my gosh, you changed my life,Copy !req
816. Dr. Dream Ghost Akopian.Copy !req
817. Oh, you made me... You made me see pastCopy !req
818. all of my delusions that
were been holding me back.Copy !req
819. Oh, and it's the other dream
ghosts. I have to thank them.Copy !req
820. Thank you, other dream ghosts.Copy !req
821. Excuse me, lady?Copy !req
822. She's the one that was
snoring and grunting.Copy !req
823. You-you guys should all get dental.Copy !req
824. How many sleeping pills have you had?Copy !req
825. So many.Copy !req
826. It would be such a
bummer if she moved awayCopy !req
827. without even saying good-bye.Copy !req
828. Well, maybe we can think
of some way to make herCopy !req
829. stay here in town. What
would make her stay?Copy !req
830. Come here a second.Copy !req
831. If you want Rebecca to stay in town,Copy !req
832. you can make that happen.Copy !req
833. What?Copy !req
834. Oh, god!Copy !req
835. Josh, you don't understand?Copy !req
836. You don't see what this has
all been about for Rebecca?Copy !req
837. I-I... don't understand what you're...Copy !req
838. Well, I'm out.Copy !req
839. If she decides to sell the furniture,Copy !req
840. I call dibs on the big fish.Copy !req
841. Wait, what are you saying?Copy !req
842. I'm saying... look at these.Copy !req
843. Guys, wait,Copy !req
844. I hear something.Copy !req
845. You're here!Copy !req
846. Yeah.Copy !req
847. Yeah, I, uh...Copy !req
848. I got on a plane and then I...Copy !req
849. got off and got right
back on another planeCopy !req
850. and I've been in the
same outfit for ten hoursCopy !req
851. and I feel and smell terrific.Copy !req
852. We found out about New York.Copy !req
853. I-I looked on your laptop.Copy !req
854. I assumed you would.Copy !req
855. You're back for now or for good?Copy !req
856. Um...Copy !req
857. - For good.
- Oh, thank god.Copy !req
858. We really thought you
were gone.Copy !req
859. I knew you weren't going anywhere.Copy !req
860. You've got your reasons
for living in this town.Copy !req
861. Welcome back, Bunch.Copy !req
862. - I'm out.
- Hey.Copy !req
863. Um... thank you for being here.Copy !req
864. See you later, suckers.Copy !req
865. - I am so glad you're okay.
- Oh...Copy !req
866. Mm!Copy !req
867. Please don't ever leave me again.Copy !req
868. It hurts my heart.Copy !req
869. Oh, Darryl.Copy !req
870. Hey, um, why are you in my bathrobe?Copy !req
871. Oh, that's a long story.
I will tell you later.Copy !req
872. Oh, my god.Copy !req
873. Okay, I got to go. Uh, you kids talk,Copy !req
874. I am going to wash this bathrobeCopy !req
875. and give it to you at work.
I am so glad you're back!Copy !req
876. Okay, bye!Copy !req
877. Um...Copy !req
878. So... I see my pictures arrived.Copy !req
879. Rebecca, what are all these?Copy !req
880. Why do you have them?Copy !req
881. Rebecca...Copy !req
882. Are you in love with me?Copy !req
883. I want to go to the nearest
planet with intelligent lifeCopy !req
884. and see a play.Copy !req
885. This alien play is amazing.Copy !req
886. He loved her so much,Copy !req
887. he traveled to Planet Fnorg to see her.Copy !req
888. Even though that planet is mostly sulfurCopy !req
889. and Zerps can't even breathe sulfur.Copy !req
890. He would rather have
five minutes with herCopy !req
891. than live another 30 years.Copy !req
892. Love... Is there anything
more universal?Copy !req
893. - Oh!
- Yes!Copy !req
894. Go!Copy !req
895. Oh!Copy !req
896. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req