Comrade Detective 1x5

Directed by Rhys Thomas

Jenny Slate as Jane (voice) • Olivia Niță as Jane • Jason Mantzoukas as Dragos (voice) • Florin Galan as Dragos • Chloë Sevigny as Sonya Baciu (voice)

Hunted by their own police force, the detectives seek unlikely refuge at the American Embassy and discover that Sonya has been kidnapped.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Welcome back to Comrade Detective.

2. Now, uh, Channing, can we take a moment

3. to discuss the dubbing process?

4. Yes, please. I'd love to.

5. Uh, was it labor-intensive?

6. It was very, very, very hard, actually. Yeah.

7. I think I logged in around 107 hours in the booth.

8. - Whoa! 107 hours. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

9. All day in a booth. You know,

10. you go in in the morning, come out at night.

11. It's really disorientating.

12. Did you lose your voice?

13. I damaged my left, uh,

14. whatever this part is.

15. - Neck. - Yeah.

16. I'm surprised that you didn't leave it

17. in the original Romanian and just go with the subtitles.

18. That's what I actually thought.

19. I had the exact same question, but the producers

20. told me that people don't want to read.

21. People read all the time.

22. Yeah, but doesn't mean people like it.

23. - I've written several books and... - Oh... you...

24. You've written them?

25. - I've written several books and... - Why?

26. It's what I... it's what I do to make money and...

27. Sorry, man, that's...

28. I hate to be the one to, like, break this to you,

29. but, like, literally no one is reading those things.

30. Huh.

31. I had the same reaction, to be honest.

32. Like, I was like, "What? No one's reading.

33. You're... you're serious? No one's reading."

34. And they said no.

35. Whoa.

36. Comrade Detective.

37. - Mama.

38. Andrei, you scared me.

39. Don't sneak up on your mother like that.

40. Can we go now?

41. I'm hungry.

42. Hmm. Let's go home.

43. You were crying.

44. Of course she's crying.

45. It's all your fault for informing on Papa.

46. No, Flavia, listen to me.

47. Andrei did the right thing.

48. And if your father is guilty, he deserves to rot in prison.

49. But if he is innocent, then he has nothing to worry about.

50. He'll receive a fair trial.

51. A fair trial.

52. Whatever. I'm going to the second floor

53. to check out the Florian exhibit.

54. Flavia, it's time to go home now.

55. But there are masterpieces up there.

56. Well, honey, if we stay here until you've seen

57. every masterpiece in the museum,

58. you'll be my age by the time we leave.

59. Pretzels! Get your hot, hot pretzels!

60. - Good afternoon. - Ah, good afternoon.

61. Ladies, sir.

62. Two pretzels, please.

63. All right. Choose your favorite pretzel.

64. Ah, those are good choices.

65. Have a good day.

66. Come on, let's go.

67. Pretzels! Get your pretzels!

68. Pretzels.

69. Ooh.

70. Aah. Oh.

71. Here, Andrei. Have mine.

72. Really?

73. Of course. Mom's right.

74. You did the right thing.

75. Kids, come on.

76. Come on.

77. I want you to start on your homework.

78. You know what would make this country even better?

79. - Inside. - If they outlawed homework.

80. Upstairs. Now.

81. - Why? - I said now! Run!

82. Run.

83. Listen to me.

84. Go into your room and hide under your beds.

85. Mama, you're scaring me.

86. Just do as I say!

87. Mama!

88. Stay there.

89. What can you tell me about this glove?

90. And why is there only one?

91. What's the purpose?

92. I don't know.

93. I've been set up.

94. First of all,

95. fuck you.

96. Second of all, fuck your sister.

97. Third of all, fuck your mother.

98. No, wait.

99. I already told you to go fuck your mother

100. when I told you to fuck your sister.

101. Why'd you kill the girl, Anghel?

102. I didn't kill anyone.

103. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

104. I'll tell you everything.

105. Give me a cigarette.

106. No games.

107. No games.

108. Normally, I like red.

109. This, this is disgusting.

110. Even by Western standards.

111. How do I look? Huh?

112. Good?

113. Can't you see what's going on?

114. Someone doesn't want us to solve Nikita's case.

115. Shut up.

116. Okay, so what happened?

117. Did she catch on to what you and Baciu were up to?

118. Come on, you can tell me.

119. It's simple.

120. See, I showed her a picture of your ugly face

121. and she grabbed a knife and she cut her own throat.

122. Get the fuck off me! Get the fuck off me!

123. - Guard! Guard! - Hey! I will knock your fucking teeth out!

124. - Get him off me! Fucking psycho. - Hands up!

125. I'm gonna see that you go away for a very long time.

126. And when you're gone, maybe I'll pay a visit

127. to that pretty milkmaid of yours.

128. How dare you!

129. Easy, Detective.

130. You see, I'm doing you a favor here.

131. Your kids are gonna need a man they can look up to

132. instead of some capitalist traitor.

133. We're not just gonna get youfor killing the girl!

134. We're gonna nail you for murdering Nikita!

135. You and your partner are gonna die in prison, Anghel!

136. Dick.

137. Mm.

138. Hey. Detective Anghel.

139. Remember me?

140. Mm, I'm glad to see your nose healed up nicely.

141. You think you're funny. You know what's funny?

142. You walking into a prison full of cons that you put away.

143. Oh, we gonna have some fun with you...

144. Oh, you fucking dick.

145. Oops. Looks like you fucked your nose up again.

146. Hey, hey.

147. Come on, keep, keep walking. Come on.

148. Come on, come on, you lazy prick.

149. Get in there and sit down!

150. They got you, too?

151. Mm.

152. They came to my house.

153. Took me right in front of my wife, my children.

154. Stay calm.

155. How can I stay calm?

156. Nikita is dead.

157. We haven't found his killer.

158. Now we're headed to prison,

159. where neither of us will survive the night.

160. Don't worry, I got a plan to get us out of this mess.

161. Your street smarts serve you well, Gregor.

162. I'd save the praise until after the plan's complete.

163. Why?

164. Because you're not gonna like what happens next.

165. What happens next?

166. You set me up, you son of a bitch!

167. Yeah! - He set me up.

168. - Fight, fight, fight, fight! - Kick his ass, come on!

169. - Get him off me. - You set me...

170. Come on...

171. Get him off me.

172. Nice.

173. Hit him again, come on, now.

174. Come on.

175. - I'm sorry about this, Officer.

176. Oh, look at the big man now.

177. Oh, shit! Damn!

178. - Oh, damn.

179. Whoa. We're gonna crash.

180. - Whoa. What the fuck, man? - Hey, hey.

181. If we don't get these cabbages to the hospital,

182. that child is gonna die.

183. - Whoa, what... hey. - Hey, hey, hey.

184. - Hey, hey! - Wait, wait, wait.

185. Hey, hey, hold on, hold on, stop!

186. Hey! Stop!

187. Oh, sh...

188. He's not stopping, he's not st...

189. Shit!

190. Give me your hands.

191. We got to go.

192. Now you can say it.

193. Brother, we got to go.

194. Bro, let's get out of here.

195. Dragos.

196. Hold on, hold on, they what?

197. Are you fucking kidding me?

198. Wait, what happened?

199. - What? - You're not gonna believe this.

200. Captain! Captain, you're not gonna believe this!

201. Wait for me.

202. Excuse me.

203. Attention.

204. Be on the lookout for two fugitives,

205. Bucharest PD's own detectives,

206. Gregor Anghel and Joseph Baciu.

207. Consider them armed and dangerous.

208. Shoot to kill.

209. MAN All units, Detectives Baciu and Anghel

210. have been spotted at Sector Four.

211. they've been spotted at Sector Four.

212. - Guys, hurry up, hurry up.

213. All units, move to the west.

214. Go!

215. Hey, let's go, ladies. Go, go, go, go, go!

216. We need to find somewhere to hide out.

217. Get a change of clothes.

218. We're out in the open here.

219. Fuck.

220. Why does that police force have to be so efficient?

221. We're the best.

222. Traitors! Subversives!

223. Police, come quickly! Hurry!

224. Honey, come here.

225. We need a plan, and fast.

226. I got an idea. Come on.

227. Yes, they're down that way.

228. They're going eastbound through the alley; they're on foot!

229. - We need backup. - We got two on the run.

230. Captain, we got them.

231. They were spotted downtown heading south.

232. Get me every available unit.

233. Don't let those traitors get away.

234. Gregor, you can't be serious.

235. You got a better idea?

236. Look, we may be desperate, but...

237. you trust these Americans?

238. The same people who faked the Moon landing?

239. The same people who rig the Olympics year after year?

240. Think of who you're asking us to work with.

241. Look, they may have done all those things, but right now,

242. - it's our only move.

243. Come on. For fuck's sake, let's go.

244. Stop! In the name of the United States of America,

245. I command you to stop!

246. As God as my witness,

247. I will shoot you commie asses

248. up to kingdom come, you motherfuckers.

249. We seek asylum in the United States of America...

250. Down, down, you piece of shit Romanians.

251. We seek political asylum.

252. All you're gonna seek is my boot up your fucking asses!

253. Stop!

254. As ambassador to the United States of America,

255. I grant these two men political asylum.

256. - Now get them inside! - Yes, ma'am.

257. - Go! - Go, go, go.

258. - Get inside. - Come on. Go.

259. - Close the gate, Troy. - Go!

260. Close the gate, Troy.

261. You're harboring fugitives. Release them to me right now.

262. As long as they are inside our embassy,

263. they are on American soil.

264. It's called international law.

265. Since when do American's give a shit about international law?

266. If you have a problem with it,

267. you can take it up at the next United Nations meeting.

268. Okay?

269. What do we do now, Captain?

270. Call the TV stations, call the newspapers,

271. and let's form a protest.

272. The die is cast!

273. She wants to talk to me about international law?

274. Well, she's about to get an international headache.

275. When Romanians protest, the whole world hears us!

276. Thanks, Jane.

277. I owe you one.

278. I knew you were going to be trouble.

279. Hmm.

280. Go home, USA! Go home, USA!

281. Go home, USA! Go home, USA!

282. Yes, we are in front of the American embassy

283. where two of Romania's most wanted fugitives,

284. Gregor Anghel and Joseph Baciu,

285. have just been granted asylum by the criminal government

286. of the United States.

287. Why the US has decided to harbor these two dangerous,

288. treacherous traitors, remains unclear.

289. But as those of us who have been covering the United States

290. have come to learn,

291. understanding their cruel ways is almost always

292. a near impossibility.

293. Get back! Go!

294. Aah! My baby! Ow!

295. A very peaceful Romanian protest

296. has now turned ugly and violent,

297. due to the unchecked aggression of the American guards.

298. Why are you Americans so bloodthirsty?

299. You try living in a world

300. without safety nets.

301. Or social justice.

302. Then you can talk to me about not caving in

303. to man's barbaric nature.

304. Ambassador,

305. the president's on the phone for you.

306. Hello, Mr. President.

307. Yes, sir.

308. I understand, sir.

309. Certainly, sir.

310. What did he say?

311. Uh... he said...

312. to keep up the good work.

313. Uh...

314. Get out of our country!

315. If you ask me, down with USA!

316. Something about this whole thing doesn't add up.

317. I've been spying on Gregor for years.

318. He's a fucking asshole, but a traitor?

319. And Joseph strikes me as a good communist.

320. Don't make this more complicated than it has to be, friend.

321. They had their chance for a fair trial,

322. and they lost it when they escaped.

323. They're fucking guilty.

324. I mean, Joseph's own kid informed on him.

325. What does that tell you?

326. Something stinks, Stan.

327. This just doesn't add up.

328. Well, where the fuck are you going?

329. Dragos? We need to show solidarity at the protest!

330. Hello? Anybody home?

331. Baseball sucks! Baseball sucks!

332. Yeah! Baseball sucks!

333. - Yeah! - Baseball sucks!

334. It's okay. I'm a police officer.

335. You can come out.

336. Ma'am, there's something you need to see.

337. It's, uh, something you all need to see.

338. Uh, it was just dropped off anonymously at the front gate.

339. Probably just more hate mail for me.

340. It's not for you, ma'am.

341. It's for him.

342. Open it.

343. Play it.

344. No!

345. The kids were hiding under a bed for almost a day.

346. They were terrified.

347. And they say their mother was kidnapped.

348. How can we be sure?

349. The father's a traitor and a liar.

350. How do we know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

351. They were scared shitless, Captain.

352. I'm beginning to think that Gregor and Joseph are innocent.

353. Okay, put out an APB on Joseph's wife.

354. Let's see if we can track her down.

355. And what about Gregor and Joseph?

356. As of right now, they're fugitives.

357. We bring 'em in and we bring 'em to justice.

358. But wait, Captain...

359. That's all I'm gonna say on it.

360. - But, sir... - I said that's enough.

361. - Drop it. - And Gregor and Joseph?

362. If they were framed,

363. and Joseph's wife has been kidnapped,

364. it means their lives are in danger, Captain.

365. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

366. Then they are in the safest place possible.

367. Hey, let it go. Huh?

368. Fuck him.

369. Come on, let's go have a drink.

370. Come on...

371. Hey, would you just come on. We'll handle this.

372. We always handle this. Don't worry so much.

373. - I have to find her. - In case you haven't noticed,

374. there's a mob down there that want to drag you

375. to the nearest prison.

376. Well, I got to do something. I can't just sit here.

377. - She could be anywhere, Joseph. - No.

378. Not anywhere.

379. What is it, Gregor?

380. That's Constantine's boy.

381. Wait. Wait.

382. Wait, wait, wait!

383. Joseph, think about it. The killer is methodical.

384. You think he'd leave such an obvious clue?

385. It's a trap.

386. I don't give a shit. My wife is in danger!

387. Wait. Wait!

388. Wait. How do you think the killer knew to plant

389. such an obvious clue for us to figure out?

390. What are you saying?

391. Not only is this a trap,

392. the killer is someone we know.

393. Here, have a drink. It'll mellow you out.

394. Thanks, man.

395. I never seen you give a shit, Dragos.

396. I can't believe you're putting your neck out there

397. for those two assholes.

398. Ten years I've been doing this job,

399. and I've never had a gut feeling.

400. This is the first time.

401. Man, we're old.

402. Have we really been partners for ten years?

403. Eight.

404. Remember, you used to be Nikita's partner,

405. before he left to work with Anghel.

406. Hard to believe, right?

407. I forgot about that.

408. It feels like a past life.

409. A quarter of my life at this shit job.

410. A shit job.

411. Don't you wonder what else is out there, Dragos?

412. In the world?

413. The world is shit.

414. We've got it good here in Romania.

415. I heard about this American.

416. He builds skyscrapers in New York City,

417. and he puts his name in gold letters

418. on every building he erects... imagine that.

419. - Sounds like an asshole. - And what's wrong with that?

420. What's wrong with your fellow man

421. acknowledging your greatness?

422. Because it takes many men to erect a building.

423. Not just one.

424. Everyone contributes to the most of their ability.

425. But only one man gets his name in gold letters

426. on the front of that building, Dragos.

427. One man.

428. You shouldn't have left the fucking protest, Dragos.

429. That's right. We don't need that!

430. Considering this is how the men in your country dress,

431. I'm surprised you have any population growth.

432. I think you look cute.

433. I look like a man whose dick doesn't work.

434. Let's go, we're wasting time.

435. Wait.

436. We have a tradition in the U.S.

437. You don't leave someone without offering them a parting gift.

438. For once, I'm grateful how maniacal you people are

439. about your Second Amendment rights.

440. You take care of yourself, Gregor.

441. Our two countries may be in a cold war,

442. but I'm burning hot for you.

443. Gregor!

444. It's quiet.

445. You're right.

446. This is probably a trap.

447. You don't have to come with me.

448. Where you go, I go.

449. Constantine.

450. Back. In the back.

451. Sonya?

452. - Dragos.

453. He's dead.

454. Run!