Comrade Detective 1x2

Directed by Rhys Thomas

Jenny Slate as Jane (voice) • Olivia Niță as Jane • Jason Mantzoukas as Dragos (voice) • Florin Galan as Dragos • Chloë Sevigny as Sonya Baciu (voice)

When the case hits a dead end, Gregor must revisit an unpleasant part of his past and in turn a larger and more evil capitalist conspiracy is revealed.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Gabriel, enough with the radio.

2. We're surrounded by the beautiful Romanian landscape...

3. why disturb it with noise?

4. What do you mean "why?"

5. The great Nadia Comaneci

6. is about to perform her floor routine.

7. "Why?"

8. Gabriel, leave the radio, get your gun.

9. Papers.

10. Our radio's broken,

11. and my friend would like to hear Nadia Comaneci

12. perform her floor routine.

13. Think we can try yours?

14. Radio doesn't work.

15. This is a Dacia, best car in the world.

16. Shouldn't it have the best radio in the world?

17. Here, let me try.

18. And right now, the crowd...

19. Hey, hey! Gabriel, you're in luck.

20. - I really got to get going. - Tournament favorite,

21. Nadia Comaneci!

22. And I really need you to open up your trunk.

23. Gabriel, come take a look.

24. Oh, boy.

25. Looks to me like a bribe.

26. I'm guessing if I were to lift up this blanket,

27. I would find a trunkful of soap.

28. Soap you intend to sell on the black market,

29. like some capitalist pig.

30. Now, if we were to take these bars of soap,

31. perhaps we would not lift up the blanket.

32. No, we would be so grateful

33. to bring them home to our wives,

34. we would forget this whole thing ever happened.

35. Uh...

36. but unfortunately for you, I'm a widower.

37. And, alas, Gabriel only has eyes

38. for Miss Nadia Comaneci.

39. But this is beside the point.

40. And what, exactly, is the point?

41. The point is we are good communists,

42. and we will not stand for this

43. Mickey Mouse bullshit.

44. So let's have a look, shall we?

45. Hey! Hey, stop!

46. Stop, or I'll shoot!

47. Fuck it!

48. Gabriel! Gabriel!

49. Hey, uh, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

50. Hmm?

51. I'm checking his prostate.

52. No, I'm getting his prints.

53. Okay, I need to know who this man is.

54. And like I told you before, Detective, as soon as

55. the patient has recovered, we will gladly

56. hand him over to the police,

57. but right now, he needs some rest, okay?

58. And if he doesn't recover? Hmm?

59. We never get a chance to talk to him,

60. and then my partner's killer goes free.

61. Of course he's gonna recover, he's receiving

62. the best health care in the entire world. Now, get out.

63. See you in a minute, fuck face.

64. Sorry, Detective.

65. Just a whole lot of nothing here.

66. No dice. Whole car's clean.

67. All right, wrap it up.

68. Hold on.

69. What you got?

70. This is an '81 Dacia.

71. The '81 Dacia has white stitching, not red.

72. This has been re-sewn.

73. Hold this.

74. What the fuck is that?

75. - Did you get a name? - No, he's sleeping.

76. Got his prints, though.

77. I'll forward them to the lab.

78. What'd you find?

79. This. Any idea what it is?

80. "Mono-poly."

81. Um, excuse me?

82. Stan, what happens to killers

83. who aren't caught in the first 48 hours?

84. Well, Dragos, they almost always get away.

85. Bravo.

86. Perhaps it would be more fruitful

87. to offer help, rather than criticism.

88. Humor me, Detectives, have you ever seen anything like this?

89. This? "Mono-poly."

90. - Monopoly. - It's Western.

91. Ha! No shit, genius.

92. - Ow! - Fuck you, man.

93. Fuck you!

94. - You fucking ginger. - Hey, hey!

95. Hey, yeah, we get that it's from the West,

96. b... but what is it?

97. You ruined my jacket.

98. Don't ask us, ask Anghel.

99. He knows all about the West.

100. Right, Anghel?

101. Yeah, he could teach a class.

102. He's gonna rat on his cousin?

103. Oh, I'm sorry.

104. You didn't tell your new partner?

105. Well, you should ask Gregor

106. about his very first bust.

107. Yeah, Anghel here

108. is quite a detective, always has been.

109. Here.

110. What was that all about?

111. I may know some people who can help us out with this.

112. Then what are we waiting for?

113. It's not that simple.

114. Look there's something you should know

115. about these people we're about to talk to.

116. They're dangerous.

117. I'm a detective, Gregor.

118. I deal in danger for a living.

119. No, not like this.

120. These two may seem harmless, but make no mistake,

121. they're devious.

122. I know better than anyone.

123. Hello, Gregor.

124. It's nice to see you.

125. You look well.

126. This is my new partner, Joseph.

127. We need your help.

128. What is this?

129. It's a Western game.

130. After the financial collapse of America,

131. the Great Depression of 1929,

132. the populace began to lose faith in their capitalist system.

133. So they invented this game to rebuild trust.

134. It's calledMonopoly.

135. And how do you play?

136. So, each rectangle represents a piece of property.

137. The object of the game is to purchase the property,

138. and hope your opponent lands on the property that you own.

139. - WHY? - That way, they pay you rent.

140. The more rent you get paid, the more money you make.

141. More properties you purchase.

142. And when your opponents have no money left,

143. and are completely in your debt,

144. then, and only then, do you win the game.

145. You're telling me that the purpose of this game

146. is to drive your fellow citizens into poverty,

147. so that you may get rich?

148. It's diabolical.

149. It's just a game.

150. Nowadays, the West finds it as a useful tool

151. to indoctrinate young children into the capitalist system.

152. How are you, Gregor?

153. You lost the right to ask me that...

154. when you conspired against the state, Mommy.

155. We were foolish, son.

156. As intellectuals,

157. our minds naturally lent themselves to curiosity.

158. And that curiosity led us astray. We were weak.

159. You had your trial.

160. And I won't try your case again.

161. Thanks for your help, Pop.

162. See you guys later.

163. Your parents are subversives.

164. That can't be easy on you.

165. They used to be great parents.

166. Model communists. The best.

167. So much so that they were tasked

168. with becoming cultural attaches to the West.

169. They hid it well.

170. But they couldn't hide it from me.

171. I was only 12, but even at that age,

172. I noticed their lust for materialism.

173. It made them crazy.

174. So I did my duty, and I turned them in.

175. I became the lead witness for the prosecution.

176. I saw it all.

177. Everything.

178. It was my testimony that put them away.

179. I have an uncle, Pavel, who was seduced by the West.

180. He fled to America.

181. Needless to say, things did not end well.

182. He was forced to start his own business just to survive.

183. He opened a car wash.

184. What the fuck is a car wash?

185. Yeah, Americans are so lazy,

186. they can't be bothered to wash their own cars.

187. - What? - They exploit the poor to do it for them.

188. And soon, one car wash wasn't enough.

189. He opened another.

190. And another.

191. How can a man be a father or a husband

192. when he only thinks about work and money?

193. His marriage fell apart.

194. His children turned to drugs.

195. He's a shell of the man he was.

196. Tragic.

197. You did the right thing turning your parents in, Gregor.

198. Think what other fate could've befallen them.

199. Gregor, when is the last time you had a home-cooked meal?

200. One, two, three, yeah.

201. I was working for the secret police at the time,

202. and her file came across my desk.

203. Clean, of course.

204. But I saw her picture, and I couldn't get her out of my head.

205. I almost arrested her just so I could meet her.

206. Then I saw her walking through town,

207. and mustered up the courage to talk to her.

208. Two months later...

209. we were married.

210. And how are you liking Bucharest?

211. It smells funny.

212. Andrei.

213. What, Papa? It does.

214. I think it's amazing.

215. There's so much to do.

216. Theatre, museums, concerts,

217. the hospitals.

218. Hmm.

219. And you, Sonya?

220. - How about you? - I'm...

221. getting used to it.

222. Bucharest is one of the most modern cities in the world.

223. I'm just a simple milkmaid.

224. I don't know what to make of this gas stove,

225. and all this electricity.

226. My goodness, at home, we'd cook over a wood fire,

227. and read by the light of the stars.

228. Don't worry, we'll make a city girl out of you yet.

229. Well, you saved me the job of doing dishes,

230. you cleaned your plates.

231. Yeah, well, I've never had such delicious tripe soup.

232. - Thank you. - Thank you. Come on, kids.

233. Thanks.

234. You have a beautiful family, Joseph.

235. Thanks.

236. They are the light of my life.

237. Listen, I've been thinking.

238. You look here.

239. Some of the properties on the board have been X'd out.

240. Park Place, Kentucky Avenue, New York Avenue.

241. And Boardwalk.

242. Maybe it's part of the game.

243. No, it's something else.

244. If this suspect is a smuggler,

245. why just one game?

246. Shouldn't his car be full of these games?

247. Maybe it's personal use.

248. He, you know, he's getting high on his own supply, so to speak.

249. Mm, no.

250. I feel like this is just the beginning.

251. Beginning of what?

252. Something...

253. evil.

254. Gregor? It's for you.

255. Yes?

256. Okay.

257. We got a match on the prints.

258. Uh, I'm drunk, you got to drive.

259. Ivan Blaga, 49.

260. He's, uh, got a rap sheet a kilometer long.

261. Burglary, trespassing, sexual assault,

262. conspiring against the state.

263. It just doesn't make sense.

264. How does a two-bit scumbag like this own a lakeside summer home?

265. Dirty money.

266. He's just lucky the state hasn't picked up on it.

267. Ah, I don't believe someone just gets lucky like that,

268. and the state's too thorough.

269. He's working an angle.

270. What is it?

271. Nothing.

272. Let's go.

273. Bucharest PD. Is anyone home?

274. We're coming in.

275. Oh, shit.

276. Fuck!

277. Come here.

278. Come here, handsome.

279. That's a good doggy.

280. Fuck.

281. Poor dog.

282. Who knows how long he's been here, starving...

283. Jackpot.

284. Huh.

285. Mmm...

286. Sorry it's cold.

287. Drink it up.

288. There you go, you...

289. Excuse me?

290. You shouldn't be in here.

291. - Can I help you? - Oh, good, you're up.

292. We have some questions.

293. Hey, where's my lawyer?

294. Fuck!

295. Oh! Doctor. Doctor!

296. What's the meaning of this?

297. Don't hit me anymore. No!

298. - What is this? - It's a game.

299. It's a Western game.

300. - Big deal. - Yeah, I know it's a game.

301. Why did you hide it in your car?

302. I didn't hide it in my car. What are you talking about?

303. And why are these properties X'd out?

304. How should I know? Ow!

305. I bought it on the black market. That's how it came.

306. Now, where's my fucking lawyer?

307. I got your fucking lawyer right here!

308. - Son of a bitch! - I didn't... I didn't do it.

309. You killed Nikita! Why?

310. - I didn't kill anybody. - I'm gonna kill you myself.

311. All right, all right, Gregor, enough!

312. I don't know what you're talking about.

313. We've been to your house, asshole!

314. And we found this.

315. You killed him, and I saw you do it.

316. Uh...

317. No, no, no, no, no. Everybody out. Everybody out!

318. - I didn't do it. - You!

319. - I didn't do it. - No, get... thank you.

320. - I didn't... - All right.

321. And turn the lights... thank you.

322. I didn't do it.

323. Okay, let me totally clear with you guys.

324. This is a hospital, not an interrogation room.

325. We need to question the suspect.

326. And you will, as soon as we discharge him.

327. Our apologies, Doctor. When will he be discharged?

328. - Tomorrow morning. - This is bullshit!

329. Gregor.

330. Gregor, relax.

331. This is not helping the situation.

332. Whenever I get frustrated, I just think,

333. "What would Lenin do?"

334. Gregor...

335. what would Lenin do?

336. What would Lenin do?

337. What would Lenin do?

338. What would Lenin do? Okay.

339. What would Lenin do?

340. What would Lenin do?

341. - Lenin would fuck him up! - Gregor!

342. Fuck.

343. Great. You happy?

344. Not even our health care system can save him now.

345. Hmm.

346. God. I'm gonna go eat lunch.

347. Suicide?

348. That bastard.

349. No man has the right to take their own life.

350. That is a right for the state, and the state alone.

351. Well, at least he had the decency

352. to save us the time and money of a trial.

353. What is it?

354. Why would he kill himself?

355. Maybe he was afraid of something.

356. Or someone.

357. Nah, don't overthink this, Detectives.

358. It's obvious.

359. A greedy smuggler killed a police officer,

360. and when he was caught, he took the coward's way out.

361. You two did wonderful police work.

362. Well, thank you, Captain, but if I may,

363. I can't help wondering...

364. The case is closed, Detective Baciu.

365. It's over.

366. You've done Nikita proud.

367. Move out.

368. There he is. Get you a drink, Gregor?

369. I quit drinking, Constantin.

370. A vodka, then.

371. Make it a double.

372. And one for my goat-fucking friend.

373. Well, what now?

374. I'll put in for a transfer back to the country.

375. Sonya will be happy.

376. You said that you and Nikita

377. went to New York City when you were kids.

378. What was it like there?

379. Now I try to forget it.

380. It's one thing to read about the depravity in the West,

381. it's another to see it firsthand.

382. We were horrified.

383. - To Nikita. - To Nikita.

384. Mm.

385. I want you to have something.

386. It was my father's.

387. Signed by Marx himself.

388. You're a good cop, Gregor.

389. It's been a pleasure working with you.

390. W... where you going? Have another drink.

391. Nah, I should get home to my family.

392. Besides, you play your cards right,

393. I don't think you're gonna be wanting for company.

394. So long, Joseph.

395. Let me ask you something.

396. You think we actually solved the case?

397. You think we avenged Nikita,

398. brought his killer to justice?

399. You want to know who the real killer of Nikita is?

400. You really want to know who killed him?

401. You're looking at him.

402. I'm responsible for his death.

403. And I'll have to live with that.

404. Do you see my...

405. I left my purse somewhere.

406. I get to see my mom today.

407. Morning, handsome.

408. Hey, see you around, okay?

409. Hmm?

410. - Let's go out this way. - New day. New week.

411. Wait, what? Where?

412. I don't know which street!

413. Sylvia, come on.

414. Mine, that's mine. Give it back to me!

415. What's going on here?

416. They're mine.

417. "Jordache"?

418. - They're my jeans, give them back. - Get a hold of yourself.

419. What the fuck is going on?

420. I need another one!

421. I need the jeans!

422. Drop the fucking jeans!

423. Everybody down!

424. I'm sorry to barge in like this, Sonya,

425. but I need to speak to Joseph.

426. Gregor, what is it?

427. Outside my apartment, they were just handing these jeans out

428. in plain sight.

429. And the women. The women, Joseph, they were going crazy.

430. - I mean, crazy. - Well, what does it mean?

431. You were right.

432. I don't think that we've got Nikita's killer.

433. I think this whole thing is bigger than we thought.

434. Wait, wait, wait, no. Convince me.

435. If Ivan wasn't guilty, why'd he kill himself?

436. How do we get suspects to talk, Joseph?

437. We torture them.

438. So Ivan was afraid of being tortured.

439. What's your point?

440. Why do we torture them?

441. 'Cause it works.

442. Ivan wasn't afraid of being tortured,

443. he was afraid of confessing.

444. Because if he confessed,

445. then he would've told us what we already know deep down.

446. - That Ivan didn't kill Nikita. - Exactly.

447. The killer's still out there.

448. Ivan was a patsy, he was a fall guy. Now, now, think.

449. Who led us to Ivan in the first place?

450. Who was the very first suspect?

451. The U.S. ambassador.

452. We're such fools.

453. She led us on a wild-goose chase.

454. She took the suspicion off herself

455. and framed a two-bit crook.

456. She played us, Joseph.

457. Flavia.

458. Flavia, put those down.

459. - Go to your room! - But Mom...

460. I said go to your room!

461. You find the men responsible for this.

462. Find this man, and bring him to justice.

463. "Jordache."

464. Jordache.

465. Let's go to the embassy.

466. Ambassador!

467. We're here to see the ambassador.

468. I'm afraid you're too late.

469. When did you find her?

470. A half hour ago.

471. No. Gregor, don't.

472. She's been poisoned, by the money.

473. Huh.

474. Our killer has a sense of humor.

475. We'll just have to mark the area.

476. I don't think the secretary knows anything,

477. and even if she did, we couldn't question her.

478. I've never seen anything like this, Gregor.

479. What do we do now?

480. We're workers.

481. We work.

482. All right, babies, I call this The Zero G Gravity.

483. - I want to see it. - Taking off in three, two...

484. - Oh, hey, man, you bumped me! - Hey!

485. - Whoa! - Hey!

486. You fucked up my neck!

487. There you are.

488. We've been waiting around for hours.

489. Everything went according to plan.

490. Honest.

491. I swear on my mother's eyes, man. Mm-hmm.

492. All right, some beat cop might've spotted us,

493. but we got out of there quick.

494. He didn't see nothing.

495. Now, a deal's a deal.

496. The money?

497. Hey, nice mask.