1. - Hello, I'm Channing Tatum.
- And I'm Jon Ronson.
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2. And we'd like to welcome you
to our screening
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3. of the celebrated
six-part, 1980s,
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4. Romanian Television series,
Comrade Detective.
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5. Similar to American
propaganda films
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6. like Red Dawn and Rocky IV
that demonize the Eastern Bloc,
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7. Comrade Detective
was produced and funded
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8. by the Romanian government,
not merely to entertain,
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9. but to celebrate and promote
Communist ideals.
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10. But with the fall
of the Berlin Wall in 1989,
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11. Comrade Detective would
tragically become nothing more
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12. than a curious footnote in the
dustbin of a Communist history.
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13. Until now.
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14. After a two-decade journey
spanning four continents,
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15. hundreds of dead-end leads,
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16. and the cooperation of five
international governments,
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17. we have finally tracked down
and restored
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18. the original master copies
and dubbed them.
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19. This has been one of the most
rewarding experiences.
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20. I am incredibly proud to bring
you this truly special show
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21. and I would like to thank
all the good people
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22. at the Romanian Film
Preservation Society
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23. for their painstaking work in
remastering the entire series.
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24. So, please enjoy
the first episode...
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25. - of Comrade Detective.
- Of Comrade Detective.
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26. You don't become a good
Communist by going to meetings
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27. or memorizing the manifesto.
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28. You do it on the streets.
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29. You do it with your fists.
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30. The rest is bullshit...
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31. and you know it.
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32. Oh, man.
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33. - Hey, Mr. G.
- Show us what you got.
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34. There he is.
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35. Get I get you a drink, Gregor?
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36. I quit drinking, Constantin.
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37. All right, vodka then.
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38. Double.
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39. He's in the back, Gregor.
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40. There's fucking chess on
and you're reading a book.
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41. You feeling okay?
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42. Not interested.
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43. The moment he moved his rook
to B9, he shit the bed.
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44. The game's already over.
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45. Besides, we're not staying long.
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46. My informant set it up.
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47. Let's go dancing.
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48. Wow. You look like shit.
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49. You have a hot date last night?
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50. I mean, it was great,
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51. until she asked me
to stop seeing other girls.
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52. She's got a point, Gregor.
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53. Yeah, we're a Communist state,
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54. but you don't have to personally
service everybody.
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55. What is it that Marx said?
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56. "To each according
to his ability,
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57. and to each
according to his needs."
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58. I don't think
that's what he meant.
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59. No. That's exactly
what he meant.
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60. - Not what he meant.
- It's totally what he meant.
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61. Gregor, Nikita.
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62. - Come in. Over.
Oh, shit. Covaci.
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63. Hold on.
Let me handle this.
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64. What is it, Captain? Over.
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65. I know what you two are up to,
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66. and I'm instructing you
to stand-down.
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67. Do not proceed without backup.
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68. It's too dangerous. Over.
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69. How the fuck do you know
what we're up to? Over.
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70. Stefan informed on you.
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71. Over.
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72. Stefan, you fucking snitch.
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73. - Over.
- S-Sorry, Gregor.
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74. I'm serious, you two.
Stand-down.
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75. You hear me? Over.
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76. Fine.
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77. Yeah, fine, Captain.
We're-we're standing down.
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78. Over.
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79. We're not turning around,
are we?
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80. Relax, Nikita.
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81. We're the good guys, remember?
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82. Look at them.
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83. They're just kids.
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84. Even a kid can pull a trigger,
bud.
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85. You're late, assholes.
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86. Mihai Viteazul
is on TV tonight,
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87. and you know the beginning's
the best part.
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88. Easy, comrade.
This won't take long.
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89. Let's see what you got.
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90. You don't have to check it;
it's good, man.
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91. It's straight from Bogotá.
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92. All right.
Now where's our money?
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93. American dollars?
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94. What the fuck is this shit?
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95. - Too late.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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96. - Bucharest PD.
- Bucharest PD.
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97. Let's go. Turn around.
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98. Up against the car.
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99. Hands.
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100. Let me see 'em.
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101. You're bringing drugs
into this country,
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102. so you can turn our brothers
and sisters into addicts.
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103. You want the streets
of Bucharest
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104. to look like
the streets of Detroit?
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105. The CIA imports drugs
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106. so that they can destroy
their black communities.
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107. That's fucked up, right?
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108. But at least they have a
sick reasoning behind it.
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109. - What's your dumb-ass excuse?
- Money, bitch.
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110. We want money.
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111. For what? All your needs
are taken care of.
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112. Healthcare, education, food.
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113. And you still want more?
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114. - Think of your fellow man.
- My fellow man can suck my...
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115. Free market, motherfuckers.
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116. Only the strong survive.
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117. - Really?
- Mm-hmm.
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118. Okay.
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119. Let's see how strong
you really are, motherfucker.
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120. Come on, Free Market.
Let's see what you got.
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121. - Come here.
Gregor.
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122. Gregor, no!
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123. He's not worth it.
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124. - He's just a capitalist punk.
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125. Something funny, jerk-off?
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126. Oh, yeah.
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127. He told me you were cops.
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128. Who the fuck is he?
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129. Shit, get the briefcase.
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130. - Get the fuck out of here!
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131. - Get the briefcase.
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132. - Let's go.
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133. - Fuck. We were set up.
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134. - You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
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135. You get eyes on him?
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136. - Careful. Careful, bud!
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137. Nikita!
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138. I'm sorry, Gregor.
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139. Nikita fought hard,
but he didn't make it.
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140. He is...
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141. he was a good cop.
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142. I let the killer get away,
Captain.
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143. And now he could be anywhere.
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144. There was a time when I'd
line up everyone here
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145. against the wall
and shoot 'em,
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146. just on the off chance
they were the killer.
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147. Oh...
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148. The whole world
is going to shit, Gregor.
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149. Captain, we found something.
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150. The killer made sure
to tie up loose ends.
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151. He also left the money.
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152. He left the money?
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153. Yes, but what does it prove?
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154. It proves the killer
is ideological.
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155. And he knew we were police.
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156. This whole thing
was a fucking set-up.
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157. Hold on. Are you suggesting
this was an inside job?
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158. No. There's no such thing
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159. as a corrupt police officer
in Romania.
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160. But maybe it was the work
of subversives.
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161. Subversives.
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162. Whatever the hell that means.
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163. It could mean anyone.
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164. Nikita's death was on me,
Captain.
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165. You can't blame yourself,
Gregor.
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166. But it's true.
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167. If I had obeyed your orders,
Nikita would still be alive.
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168. Gregor.
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169. Detective Nikita Ionescu...
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170. wasn't just an excellent cop.
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171. He was a patriot...
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172. a Communist...
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173. a party loyalist...
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174. and a great man.
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175. A hero.
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176. And he will be missed.
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177. Anghel.
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178. What?
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179. Detective Anghel,
I'm sorry it's so early,
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180. but I didn't know
who else to call.
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181. I was sleeping
when I heard a noise.
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182. I came up and passed
by poor Nikita's apartment,
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183. and I noticed the door was open.
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184. I think there's been
an intruder.
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185. I'm sure it's nothing, ma'am.
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186. It's just a neighbor's
misguided attempt
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187. at redistributing
Nikita's wealth.
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188. Don't worry. Go back to bed.
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189. Wait, wait...
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190. Who are you?
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191. What are you doing here?
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192. I'm Detective Baciu.
Joseph Baciu.
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193. I'm here to find the killer
of my friend,
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194. Nikita Ionescu.
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195. He's a detective
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196. from the small farming village
of Rasinari.
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197. Great, he's a goat fucker. Okay.
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198. He was good friends with Nikita.
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199. They were on the national
wrestling team in their youth.
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200. As soon as he heard
of Nikita's death,
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201. he pulled strings—
merit-based strings, mind you—
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202. and had himself transferred
here to the city.
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203. If they were such good friends,
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204. why didn't Nikita
ever mention him?
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205. Hmm?
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206. Do me a favor, Captain,
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207. send this goat fucker
back to the country.
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208. Not unless...
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209. you go with him.
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210. He's your new partner.
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211. Hey! Stefan!
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212. What's up, farm boy?
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213. Look who drew the short straw.
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214. Who got themselves
partnered up with Anghel.
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215. - No, actually,
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216. I asked to work
with Detective Anghel.
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217. Your funeral, pal.
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218. Everybody in here now!
Let's go!
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219. Watch that slippery sp...
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220. For fuck's sake.
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221. Tipsy, calm down. Let's go.
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222. Everyone sit down and shut up.
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223. Especially you two.
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224. All right, we have some guests.
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225. I want you all to meet
Detective Joseph Baciu,
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226. who's come here to help find
Nikita's killer.
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227. We're not used to crime
in Romania.
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228. It's not part
of our national character.
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229. And so we find ourselves
completely overwhelmed.
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230. Which brings us
to our second guest—
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231. Victor... Dinca?
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232. - Victor. -Victor Dinca
is a Secret Police officer
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233. sent from the 9th Division.
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234. - What the
fuck kind of name is Dinca?
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235. - Who is this asshole?
Quiet. Quiet.
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236. He is our Romanian brother,
and he is on our side.
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237. Yeah.
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238. Remember that separately...
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239. we are like this.
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240. But together...
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241. - we are more like this fist!
- Fist!
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242. - Fist! -Fist!
- Fist!
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243. - Fist! -Fist! -Fist!
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244. - Fist! -Fist!
- Fist! -Fist!
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245. - Fist! -Fist!
- Fist!
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246. We should get up to speed.
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247. Yesterday I visited
the crime scene...
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248. Aw, fuck. Nice move.
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249. Mm, he should've thought
that move through.
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250. Now he lost his queen.
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251. You're gonna teach me
about chess, Kasparov?
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252. His queen's fine.
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253. He's employing
the King's Indian Attack.
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254. Watch and learn.
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255. Oh.
That could cost him the game.
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256. Look, I know
this must be difficult for you.
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257. Nikita was your partner,
he was your friend.
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258. I get that.
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259. You don't get anything.
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260. I knew Nikita since we were 14.
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261. We traveled
all over the world together
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262. competing
in wrestling tournaments.
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263. We even went to New York City
once, if you can believe that.
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264. He was the closest thing
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265. I ever had to a brother.
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266. And I will find his killer,
Detective.
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267. With or without you.
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268. Nikita had an informant.
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269. And it was this informant
who set us up.
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270. Now I'm looking through
all of Nikita's files
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271. to try to figure out
who this guy was.
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272. Also, I've got a handwritten
note from the killer.
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273. Knock yourself out.
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274. Now that you're up to speed,
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275. kindly go fuck yourself.
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276. Detective Anghel.
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277. Detective Anghel!
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278. Detective Anghel!
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279. I'm talking to you, Detective!
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280. Touch me again, I'll kill you.
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281. You understand?
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282. Look in my hand, Detective.
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283. I found that at the crime
scene— it was overlooked.
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284. "Jordachi."
What is Jordachi?
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285. It's not "Jordachi."
It's English.
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286. The "E" is silent.
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287. It's pronounced Jordache,
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288. which would make this American.
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289. You're implying
the killer's American.
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290. Well, that would certainly
explain the Reagan mask
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291. the killer was wearing.
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292. But what is this?
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293. No idea.
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294. You're fired!
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295. Shut up.
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296. Hey, what's up with the...
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297. Oh, brother!
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298. Bucharest PD.
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299. We're here to see
the American ambassador.
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300. Do you have an appointment?
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301. We're the police.
We don't need an appointment.
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302. Well, if you want
to see the ambassador,
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303. you need to be in this book.
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304. Hmm. Okay.
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305. Hey, hey! Oh, okay.
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306. - Uh...
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307. There. Now I'm in the book.
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308. Hmm, that's really mature,
Detective,
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309. but I'll have you know
that the ambassador is very busy
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310. spreading freedom
and democracy.
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311. More like spreading greed
and gonorrhea.
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312. Pardon my partner, ma'am.
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313. Please, let the ambassador know
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314. we'd like to speak with her
when she has a moment.
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315. What is wrong with you?
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316. How do you expect
to get any answers
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317. when you're coming in here
like a bull in a China shop?
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318. You'd rather sit here
with your dick in your hand?
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319. Is that your thing, Detective?
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320. Just be patient.
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321. Ugh. You just wasted
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322. a very good Twinkie.
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323. But I suppose
it's your lucky day.
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324. The ambassador has agreed
to see you.
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325. Madam Ambassador.
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326. Madam Ambassador.
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327. Yoo-hoo!
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328. Come on in, have a seat, y'all.
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329. I'm Ambassador Sally Smith.
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330. How might I help you?
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331. I'm Detective Gregor Anghel,
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332. and this is Detective Joseph,
uh...
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333. Baciu, like, the shepherd.
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334. Uh...
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335. thank you for seeing us.
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336. We're investigating the murder
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337. of fellow detective
Nikita Ionescu.
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338. Murder?
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339. I'm not sure
y'all came to the right place.
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340. Tell me, Ambassador, you ever
seen anything like this before?
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341. Jordache?
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342. Sure.
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343. They're just jeans.
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344. Who's Gene?
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345. You know, jeans,
like blue jeans?
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346. Pants.
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347. Clearly, you two gentlemen have
never been to Beverly Hills.
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348. Jane,
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349. be a doll.
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350. You're wearing a pair
of Jordache jeans, aren't you?
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351. Yes, ma'am.
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352. Why don't you give
the detectives a closer look?
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353. Hmm.
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354. Now, don't tell me
you two strong men are afraid
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355. of a silly thing
like a pair of ladies jeans.
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356. The killer left behind this
label from one of these jeans.
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357. That means your friend Jane here
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358. has just become
a person of interest.
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359. Every woman in this embassy
owns a pair
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360. of Jordache jeans, Detective.
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361. You'd have to haul us all in.
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362. Maybe we will.
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363. Two words—
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364. diplomatic immunity.
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365. Tell us what you know
about Nikita's murder.
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366. I don't know anything.
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367. Tell us what you know
about Nikita!
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368. - Get out of my office now!
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369. Who the fuck
do you think you are?
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370. Commie prick.
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371. Get the fuck out.
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372. And y'all don't come back,
ya hear?
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373. - I'm so sorry, Ambassador.
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374. - Thank you for...
- Ah, you, too, you little worm.
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375. - Hello?
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376. It's for you.
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377. Jane?
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378. Ah.
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379. Would you go grab me a Pepsi?
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380. A Diet Pepsi.
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381. And try not
to fuck it up this time.
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382. Bless your heart.
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383. Oh.
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384. Smith.
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385. Hmm.
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386. The problem was just here.
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387. Are you crazy, Detective?
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388. They told me
your methods were unorthodox,
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389. but you practically started
World War III in there!
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390. You don't understand
what we're dealing with, do you?
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391. You want to catch an American?
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392. You need to think
and act like one.
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393. The ambassador's
appointment book?
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394. You stole it?
Without a warrant?
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395. Like I said, if we want
to catch Nikita's killer,
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396. we need to act like Americans.
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397. And that means being underhanded
and breaking the rules.
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398. You're in Bucharest now, baby.
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399. You think you can handle that?
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400. You suggest
we compromise our methodology?
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401. No, I'm suggesting we nail
these motherfuckers to the wall.
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402. It's incredible how many times
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403. she can visit a beauty salon
in a week.
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404. We're talking
about a capitalist.
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405. Narcissism is as important
as air to these assholes.
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406. Oh, here's something
interesting.
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407. Between 7:00 and 9:00 p.m.,
she has nothing scheduled.
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408. Absolutely nothing.
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409. Maybe she's resting.
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410. I don't know.
She's staying in.
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411. You said
we had to think like Americans.
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412. Americans don't just rest
or stay in.
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413. Time is their most precious
commodity.
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414. What's their favorite saying?
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415. Time is money.
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416. Exactly. Time is money.
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417. She's doing something
during this time
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418. that she didn't want
on the record.
Copy !req
419. Well, let's find out
what she's up to.
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420. Hey, Troy, you got a light?
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421. Man, did you see the American
football game last night?
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422. So many passes.
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423. These late nights are not gonna
please my wife.
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424. No. You got yourself a milkmaid
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425. back on the farm
in Rasinari, huh?
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426. No. I brought her here,
along with our two children.
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427. A boy and a girl—
Flavia and Andrei.
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428. You've got a milkmaid and kids,
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429. and you still asked
for this case?
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430. Nikita would have done the same.
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431. Oh.
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432. - Here we go.
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433. What the...?
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434. What is she wearing?
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435. She's dressed like a prostitute.
Copy !req
436. She's a capitalist, Gregor.
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437. Isn't calling her
a prostitute redundant?
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438. Yeah, it is that.
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439. Pretty smart for a goat fucker,
ain't you, Baciu?
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440. Okay. Showtime.
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441. I'll be able to hear everything.
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442. If you find yourself
in trouble...
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443. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it.
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444. A little something
for a rainy day.
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445. Gregor, what do you see?
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446. Illegal casino.
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447. Gambling?
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448. What are you waiting
for? We got her.
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449. We should bring her in
for interrogation.
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450. No, she'll just play
the diplomatic immunity card.
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451. And besides, she could lead us
right to the killer.
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452. Oh.
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453. Twice in one day, Detective.
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454. To what do I owe
this displeasure?
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455. You want to dance?
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456. I thought you'd never ask.
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457. Why do I get the feeling
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458. you don't like me very much?
Copy !req
459. Because you're perceptive.
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460. You know, Detective,
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461. we're going to win
this Cold War.
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462. And then where will you be?
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463. Oh, you know,
just wearing cowboy boots
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464. and a smile
while exploiting my fellow man.
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465. Oh, I've exploited
a few of your fellow men
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466. and had a grand old time.
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467. You ought to try.
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468. That murder we discussed...
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469. I think the killer is American.
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470. We didn't have anything to do
with any murder,
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471. but if you insist
on pursuing this,
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472. you might want to talk
to the fella in the hat.
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473. He runs this place,
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474. knows people,
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475. including a certain
big-time smuggler.
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476. Anything you want
from the West, he can get.
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477. Including jeans. Hmm.
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478. Why are you telling me this?
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479. I just scratched your back,
Detective.
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480. Maybe next time,
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481. you'll return the favor.
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482. You know where to find me.
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483. It's a beautiful hat.
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484. Let me guess, Cuban?
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485. Correct.
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486. Our comrades across the globe
make an exquisite fedora.
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487. Mm.
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488. Well played.
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489. What's your secret?
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490. I always bet on red.
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491. Good one.
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492. I'm looking for merchandise.
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493. Look somewhere else.
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494. Western clothing.
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495. "Jordachi."
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496. Jeans.
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497. Like, pants.
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498. I was told
you were the man to see.
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499. It's okay.
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500. Ask the American ambassador.
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501. She's the one
who gave me your name.
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502. Have you seen
the back of my casino?
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503. No.
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504. You should take a gander.
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505. You may like what you see.
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506. Yeah!
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507. It's on, Joseph.
Going out back.
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508. Be careful, Gregor.
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509. Come on, come on, come on.
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510. Back here is a safe place
to do business, yes, comrade?
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511. Away from prying eyes.
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512. What do you think?
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513. Shh.
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514. An excellent choice, comrade,
but let's make this fast.
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515. After all, time is money.
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516. Time is money.
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517. Come on. Come on.
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518. You think I'm stupid?
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519. Move your ass.
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520. Out of the way!
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521. Bucharest PD.
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522. Out of the way!
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523. - To make you sleep with me? ♪
- Bucharest PD!
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524. Gregor?
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525. Gregor!
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526. Gregor!
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527. Shit, shit, shit!
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528. Don't let him get away.
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529. Adios, amigos!
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530. Let go!
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531. Watch out.
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532. Oh, my leg!
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533. Let me help you with that.
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534. No, please!
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535. Gregor, that's enough!
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536. We need him alive.
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537. We need him to help us
find Nikita's killer.
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538. He won't give us a name.
He has no ID.
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539. And the captain won't
let me interrogate him
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540. until he's had
medical attention.
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541. - Patience, Gregor.
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542. About what happened
back there, thanks.
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543. For what?
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544. Saving my ass.
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545. Get home to your wife
and kids.
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546. I'll finish up here.
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547. Go on, get out of here.
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548. Get the fuck out of here.
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549. Lord, have mercy!
You scared me half to death.
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550. How'd you get in here?
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551. I-I did what you asked.
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552. I-I led them straight
to the man, like you said.
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553. Mmm.
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