1. A new day has dawn
at Greendale Community College.
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2. Some said we'd never
bounce back
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3. after the unfortunate events
of the Star-Burns wake riot
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4. instigated
by the Greendale Seven.
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5. But today the guilty parties
have been expelled,
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6. enrollment is up,
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7. and tuition is more affordable
than ever.
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8. And the architect
of this modern-day miracle?
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9. Security chief
Benjamin Franklin Chang,
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10. a man who has brought security,
harmony,
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11. and success to what
is fast becoming
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12. the area's
premier community college.
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13. Greendale's never been better.
Thanks, Chang.
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14. You see?
It's not the real Dean.
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15. Of course.
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16. The head of security
at Greendale Community College
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17. has kidnapped the Dean
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18. and replaced him
with a deanel-ganger.
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19. Well, when you say it
that way, it sounds ridiculous.
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20. Yeah, the word we used
was doppel-deaner.
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21. Look, I hate cops.
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22. You have to do something.
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23. Isn't this a felony?
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24. Chang is holding a man
against his will.
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25. The real Dean
never would have expelled us.
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26. He loved us.
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27. Unfortunately,
love is not admissible evidence.
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28. Oh...
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29. I'm working on a cop opera.
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30. Cop-ra!
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31. Police-ical!
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32. Fine.
We'll get some proof.
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33. No, you won't.
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34. If I catch any of you
within 50 feet
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35. of Greendale,
I'll throw you all in jail.
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36. Thanks for the hot water.
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37. Wait, cop-ra!
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38. 3x21
- First Chang Dynasty -
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39. - I'm watching you.
- Move along.
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40. How's the planning going
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41. for my birthday
Chang-stravaganza?
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42. The magician's booked,
and the invitations went out
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43. to the school board
and the budweiser frogs.
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44. Perfect.
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45. Yeah, um, one little snag.
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46. See, we're kind of running out
of money,
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47. what with all the students
dropping out
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48. and the cost of your throne.
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49. It's a prescription throne.
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50. I have back mumps.
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51. Don't look it up.
It's rare.
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52. But you might be right.
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53. We should free up some revenue
for entertainment at the party.
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54. Where's my deanel-Chang-er?
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55. Fire the custodial staff.
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56. Okay. Cool.
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57. Do you think I could get out
a little early?
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58. My wife's getting
her braces off, and I...
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59. - No.
- Okay.
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60. I love how binoculars
make far away things
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61. seem like they're close.
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62. - They're like...
- Telephones for your eyes.
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63. Snagged one of those flyers.
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64. First Chang kidnaps the Dean,
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65. and now he throws himself
a birthday party?
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66. It's just like Stalin
back in Russia times.
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67. Dance-off?
Sundae bar?
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68. One of those Ed Hardy
street magicians?
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69. What kind of monster would...
Photo booth with props!
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70. Chang's got to be holding
the Dean on campus,
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71. but there's no way we're
gonna get past those guards.
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72. We need somebody on the inside.
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73. I may know a guy.
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74. And the air-conditioning
repair annex won't admit
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75. to any knowledge
of what's going on.
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76. But the fact is,
wherever there is air,
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77. we have eyes.
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78. Gross.
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79. Suffice it to say,
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80. if Chang were holding
your Dean captive,
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81. it'd be pretty foolish
to hold him on campus.
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82. It'd be even more foolish to
hold him in a central air room
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83. in the cafeteria,
which we monitor.
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84. Oh, no, Jeffrey.
Looks like PB and J again.
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85. You win the bet.
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86. So he's
in the cafeteria building?
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87. Suppose he is.
In the basement.
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88. And suppose you wanted
to get to him.
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89. Suppose you actually managed
to make it
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90. past the guards at the front,
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91. there's 50 more inside,
armed to the teeth
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92. with stun batons
and misplaced sexual aggression.
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93. Let's say you happen
to get past them
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94. and then you get to meet
Chang's number one,
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95. Joshua,
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96. a 4'10", 105-pound bucket
of piss and zit cream.
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97. I cannot express to you how much
I hate this kid.
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98. Now, beyond that dog sneeze
in a pair of reeboks,
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99. you're gonna find
a state-of-the-art
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100. keypad on the basement door.
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101. And just for extra fun,
they change the code every day,
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102. and the only copy is locked up
in Chang's office.
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103. Now, just for a lark,
let's pretend
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104. you actually make it down
to the basement door.
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105. Who is there to greet you?
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106. Another guard and another lock
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107. to which there is only one key.
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108. And where is that key?
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109. Well where is it?
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110. Oh, sorry,
it's very clear in my head.
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111. Key's around Chang's neck.
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112. The point is, you're not getting
down there without our help.
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113. So help us.
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114. We have no horse in this race,
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115. but... there is
one thing we want.
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116. Not a lot of people
get a second chance.
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117. Just you and probably Obama.
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118. Give it some thought.
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119. Great, so according
to Troy's intel,
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120. Greendale is impregnable.
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121. - So what do we do?
- Only one answer.
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122. Elaborate heist?
Elaborate heist?
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123. We'll need disguises.
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124. I do a great swami.
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125. Of course it works
best with a cobra,
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126. but if you guys cut me
a length of garden hose...
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127. Are we all forgetting
that if we get caught
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128. on that campus, we go to jail?
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129. Do you know how long someone
as sarcastic as I am
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130. would last in prison?
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131. Such a long time.
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132. There's got to be
a practical way to do this.
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133. There is another way in.
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134. If I enroll in the AC school,
they'll help us.
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135. We could walk in and out.
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136. It'll mean I'll have
to move out of here
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137. and into AC school housing,
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138. and I won't be able to hang out
with you guys anymore,
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139. or have a relationship,
or use the word
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140. "sensational" for some reason.
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141. Troy, we are not losing you
to save the Dean
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142. or Greendale...
Or anything, ever.
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143. Don't be so dramatic, Troy.
The answer is simple.
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144. We just have to plan
an elaborate heist.
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145. - Yes.
- Great, I'll get my turban.
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146. Everyone except Pierce has
to plan an elaborate heist.
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147. Happy birthday, Ben.
On behalf of the school board.
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148. Shower organizer?
Are you guys psychic?
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149. Well you deserve it.
You have worked wonders here.
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150. Oh, you boners.
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151. Now go party your butts off.
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152. Your butt could use it, Richie.
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153. Listen up, men.
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154. Keep an extra deep lookout
for the Greendale Seven.
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155. I won't have them ruining
my 25th birthday.
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156. Yes, sir.
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157. By the way,
your cake just arrived.
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158. Shirley will enter first
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159. through the loading dock
disguised as the chef.
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160. From there, she'll head
into the kitchen.
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161. You had time to build
a tiny working water fountain,
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162. and I'm a pinecone?
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163. Once in,
she'll unload the goods.
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164. This girl in Chicago
won't stop facebooking me.
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165. Looks like j-swag's
going deep dish.
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166. Then it's time for phase two...
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167. Toilet trouble.
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168. Oh, crap!
Someone call a plumber!
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169. Sounds like
you schnooks got a flood
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170. the size of my wife's
attitude problem.
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171. Whoa, you guys aren't
the usual plumbers.
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172. Oh, Mr. Brand Loyalty
over here.
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173. Okay, okay,
why don't you two slap-arounds
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174. give me your names
for the report
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175. in case Chang wants to know
why his birthday party
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176. turned into the frickin'
Poseidon adventure.
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177. Okay, okay.
Follow me then.
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178. Finally.
Oof baboof with you two.
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179. Here's your problem.
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180. You people gotta
start chewin' your food.
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181. We may have to tap into
the hydraulic flap valve,
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182. so don't be alarmed if things
get a little noisy.
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183. Like my wife's mouth.
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184. If we can break through this
wall and into Chang's office,
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185. then we'll have access
to the basement door codes.
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186. Meanwhile, I'll take care
of cancelling the magician.
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187. Yeah, sorry, Mr. Nightshade,
gig's canceled.
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188. How's it coming with the guard?
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189. Boys are pathetic.
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190. Two days of facebooking
with this Joshua kid
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191. and he's eating out
of my hands.
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192. "Got a new flavor of lip balm.
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193. Meet me at Chili's
in ten minutes."
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194. Sheep.
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195. Um, I just want to reiterate
that this should be
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196. the only time you seduce
a child over the internet.
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197. I know.
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198. Chili's? Sick!
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199. Hey, bro, you watch my post?
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200. Yeah, whatever. 'Sup.
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201. I'm in.
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202. Cue the abra cadabra.
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203. Is that me
in my swami disguise?
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204. No, Pierce, for the last time,
you're in the getaway van
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205. because your swami act
is notoriously horrible.
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206. "A," that is racist.
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207. "B," swamis can't drive...
they're Indians.
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208. Pierce, just do your part.
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209. Leave the entertainment
to Britta and me.
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210. Ricky Nightshade,
the rock and roll magician.
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211. I'm starting.
I need a volunteer.
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212. I'll kill anyone who raises
their hand.
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213. Pick a card and look at it.
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214. Strap him!
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215. I'm in.
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216. Okay,
it was just my head before,
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217. but now I'm really in.
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218. Bingo.
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219. 4-1-2-6.
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220. I'm in.
Where's the key?
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221. - I'm in.
- I know.
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222. Well, everybody
else got to say it.
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223. Is this your card?
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224. Huh?
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225. I don't remember.
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226. Nightshade, nightshade!
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227. Greetings, greetings,
baba ghanoush.
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228. Take me to the birthday boy.
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229. Wait a minute.
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230. Pierce?
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231. No, not knowing this Pierce.
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232. I... I am a mystical swami.
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233. I come to boogie down,
I'm boogying down.
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234. Hey!
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235. Jeff, we've been made.
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236. Cover me!
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237. Winger!
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238. No!
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239. Everything all right, Ben?
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240. Peachy keen, Avril Lavigne.
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241. Nathan, tell me
you got eyes on the Dean.
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242. Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.
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243. No! Where's my monitor?
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244. Gotcha.
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245. Code Chang.
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246. All units converge
on the south library hallway.
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247. The best part of the plan
is that at a certain point,
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248. it's going to look like
the plan is failing.
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249. But that's when
it's going to turn out that
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250. the failing plan
was all part of the plan.
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251. Hey, Johnny Passerby,
this job's getting bigger
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252. than my wife's credit card bill
at Marshalls.
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253. I mean, they got great stuff,
I know that.
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254. Anyway, I'm going to need
your Dean for approval.
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255. Craig.
Is that "a-I" or "I-a"?
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256. I always forget.
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257. Oof baboof, I spilled
plumber's acid all over yous.
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258. What do I do?
What do I do?
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259. Take off your clothes.
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260. Nathan, tell me you got eyes
on the Dean.
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261. Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.
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262. Repeat, the pixie has left
the toadstool.
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263. Jeffrey!
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264. Oh... Hey, Britta.
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265. How the Chang?
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266. I'm contaminated
with plumber's acid,
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267. but it's okay, they're coming
back with a lotion.
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268. Sar-cas-tic claps.
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269. Pretty clever.
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270. A plan that looked
like it failed,
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271. and then turned out to work.
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272. Too bad your real plan
really failed.
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273. What's so funny?
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274. You idiot.
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275. The plan was for the plan
to seem like it was failing.
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276. You think you caught us,
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277. but we've already made it out
with the real Dean.
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278. Ocean's eleven, baby.
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279. Pierce, I'm the real Dean.
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280. Getting caught the first time
was part of the plan.
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281. This time is because we suck.
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282. Shirley, where the hell
did you come from?
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283. - You can't hold us here forever.
- I don't need to, Winger.
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284. I just wouldn't want you
to leave before
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285. the big fireworks show.
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286. Fireworks show?
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287. It's a surprise
for the end of the night
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288. planned by the "Dean."
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289. Only, silly Dean,
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290. he stored all the fireworks
in the records room. Aw.
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291. And when the works
"accidentally" go off
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292. when I hit the final note
on my awesome keytar solo,
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293. they'll burn up
the school's records
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294. and all evidence of my misdeeds.
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295. Chang, you're insane.
You're still into keytar?
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296. We're going to tell the board
what you did!
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297. We're going
to tell the board what you...
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298. You think they'll believe
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299. the Greendale Seven
and the worst Dean ever
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300. over the guy who just nailed
an awesome solo?
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301. You're going to burn down
the school and kill everyone!
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302. Fire can't go through doors,
stupid.
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303. It's not a ghost.
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304. I know this is a bit
of a long shot,
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305. but I don't suppose any of you
paid my rent?
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306. Thank you, everyone,
for joining in my celebration.
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307. As many of you know,
I ate my twin sister in utero.
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308. So on my birthday,
I try to remember
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309. I'm a winner.
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310. This one's for you, Connie.
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311. And a-one, a-two,
a Chang, Chang, Chang-four.
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312. We're all going to die.
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313. We have to get out of here.
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314. How?
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315. It's a miracle.
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316. What?
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317. - Yes!
- Let's get out of here!
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318. Come on, come on, come on.
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319. No, Troy, you didn't...
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320. There's no time.
We gotta go.
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321. Six guards, two on scooters.
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322. Chang started his solo.
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323. Knowing him,
that gives us only nine minutes
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324. to get to the records room.
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325. We'll need a distraction.
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326. You heard the lady.
Take your tops off.
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327. I might have something.
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328. To supplement
Greendale's budget,
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329. I've been renting the school out
for raves on the weekend.
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330. They call it "academania."
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331. It's mostly hard house,
some... some dubstep,
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332. - but totally...
- Perfect.
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333. Troy and Abed,
you make a run for it.
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334. Dean,
I think it's time to party.
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335. Hmm.
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336. Hey, what the freak?
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337. What's going on?
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338. No! No! No!
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339. - You weigh nothing!
- I can't see them.
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340. They're too many of them.
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341. - Oof.
- Baboof.
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342. Which wire do I cut?
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343. There's only one.
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344. God, I hope I'm right.
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345. Study group!
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346. You did it!
So we're done, right?
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347. We're done?
Done? Done? Done?
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348. Not done.
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349. You foiled me for the last time.
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350. So, it ends as it began.
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351. It didn't begin this way.
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352. What the hell's going on
in here?
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353. Hey, fellas.
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354. I just caught
the Greendale Seven
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355. trying to burn down the school.
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356. I'm a hero.
How about that cake?
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357. He's lying.
He kidnapped the Dean.
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358. Yeah, we gathered that much
when we found these two
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359. slap-fighting in the hallway.
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360. You stole my life!
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361. It is hard out there
for a fake Moby!
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362. Carl, Richie,
let me ex-Chang.
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363. I'm not getting paid, am I?
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364. Hey!
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365. So a madman
in a Napoleon costume
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366. ran the school into the ground
and almost blew it up?
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367. Yeah.
And on our watch.
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368. What happened to us?
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369. Well, I have
a drinking problem.
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370. We're going to get fired.
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371. Only a matter of time
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372. until everyone finds out
what happened here.
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373. Nobody can sit on something
this big.
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374. I'll sit on it.
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375. When I became Dean,
I made a pledge
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376. to swallow
this school's failures
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377. and spit out degrees
because that's what deans do.
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378. You'd do that for us?
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379. No.
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380. I do it for Greendale.
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381. Aw.
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382. It's great to have you back,
Craig.
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383. It's almost as if you were
never unknowingly gone.
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384. Yard margs at Skeeper's.
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385. Perfect.
I left my credit card there.
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386. Thanks, Craig.
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387. You guys saved me.
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388. I don't know
how I will ever repay you.
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389. You already have.
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390. Troy,
you don't have to do this.
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391. The AC school has no claim
on your soul.
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392. No, but I do.
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393. A man's only as good
as his word,
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394. or his nod through a camera
to a guy with a button.
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395. It's time.
Say your goodbyes.
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396. Shirley, never change.
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397. Or do, if you want,
I'm not your boss.
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398. Oh, honey.
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399. Never wear a rubber.
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400. Never listen to Pierce.
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401. Whenever you finally finish
that Jigsaw puzzle...
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402. Will you tell me what kind of
boat is at the end of that dock?
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403. This is a lock of my hair.
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404. Creepy.
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405. All right, let's go.
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406. Abed?
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407. What did he say to you?
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408. He said, "I know you hate
when people do this in movies."
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409. Sorry I got emotional.
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410. Troy Barnes.
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411. Welcome home.
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412. I'm really digging
this hard house!
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413. It's quite a groove.
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414. This is my school!
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415. It's called Greendale,
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416. and I'm the Dean
of the entire school.
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417. I mean, I wasn't for a while,
but it's a long story.
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418. You guys, everybody,
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419. you should come by during
the day sometime.
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420. It's totally different.
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421. Really, stop by.
It'll blow your minds.
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422. You can meet my best friend,
Jeffrey.
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423. Sure, I'll take a back rub.
Who's asking?
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424. Norther
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