1. By the end of WWII President Roosevelt
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2. had finally succumbed
to the polio
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3. that afflicted him
his entire life.
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4. Which brings me to
the Yalta Conference.
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5. Who can tell me three
key points brought up there?
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6. Annie.
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7. The demilitarization
of Germany—
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8. I'm sorry.
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9. Annie Kim.
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10. The demilitarization
of Germany,
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11. the establishment
of Poland's borders
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12. and the formation of
the United Nations.
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13. Side note: The results
of Yalta would later
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14. set the stage for the Cold War.
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15. Oh, boy, spoiler alert.
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16. Somebody just won
a ride in the wheelchair.
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17. I'm proud of you
for deciding on a major, Britta.
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18. I'd like to thank the lord
in my prayers about you,
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19. but you're still dressing
like a streetwalker.
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20. Yep, I'm getting serious.
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21. I got a backpack,
I got a new notebook.
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22. Oh, I got one of
those see-through yellow pens
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23. so I can do that thing
where you color in the words.
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24. Highlight?
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25. Probably the backpack.
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26. Free the damascus three.
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27. Oh, thanks.
Oh, whoa.
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28. I know this girl.
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29. We used to protest together
all the time
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30. and now she's locked up
in Syria.
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31. Oh, that's terrible.
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32. Yes, it's terrible.
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33. She's imprisoned
by an oppressive regime
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34. halfway around the world
and I'm, what?
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35. In college?
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36. Where are my values?
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37. Man, she's got
a Facebook group?
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38. My first cop flashlight.
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39. Can't wait to get some brains
on this bad boy.
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40. Are you safe, ma'am?
Everything okay?
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41. Is this guy bothering you?
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42. - Huh? Huh?
- Hey!
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43. Who the hell
do you think you are?
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44. The badge says
to serve and protect!
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45. No, it doesn't.
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46. "How's my smile?"
Oh, man.
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47. What the hell am I
in charge of?
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48. See this garbage can?
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49. Students coming out
of the library bump into it.
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50. You can serve and protect them
from a nasty boo-boo.
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51. What do I do if I see a crime?
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52. What a security guard does—
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53. Call a cop.
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54. Where'd you even get these?
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55. - Come on, let me keep them.
- No.
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56. Please?
I swear they're just for sex!
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57. And this ragtag group
of cut-ups is my study group.
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58. Gang, this is Annie Kim
from my Poli-Sci class.
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59. We just figured out we had
the same G.P.A. in high school.
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60. Well, mine was higher if you
consider my school's ranking.
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61. Well, it sounds like you had
a lighter course load, so.
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62. Well, I was in a lot of clubs.
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63. I founded 17 of them.
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64. Well, I was actually thinking
about founding a model U.N.
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65. here at Greendale.
Any interest?
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66. I'll probably be busy,
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67. and you probably need to study,
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68. so see you in class.
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69. Okay, goodbye.
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70. Wow, Annie.
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71. How progressive of you to have
a multicultural evil twin.
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72. An Asian Annie.
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73. Obama's America.
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74. Her name is Annie Kim,
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75. and she's not evil.
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76. She's my friend.
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77. Didn't look like it.
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78. Yeah, you seemed pretty
competitive with her.
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79. You be careful, Annie.
They are ruthless.
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80. What?
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81. What? Not Asians.
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82. Women.
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83. I'm not competing with her.
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84. I find her adorable.
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85. She's like a younger me.
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86. You mean the younger you
that took so much Adderall
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87. she tried to straighten
the lines on our high school
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88. football field during a game?
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89. Ooh, be careful, Annie.
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90. You don't want this little girl
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91. to suck you back
to the dark side.
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92. Hey, guys,
what're you trying to do here?
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93. This is our Annie.
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94. That little twerp
is a can of Annie lite.
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95. She couldn't hold a candle
to the real thing
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96. in any category of anything.
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97. Aw, well, I wasn't
fishing for that.
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98. You're the best, kiddo.
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99. You know what else
was the best?
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100. The rainforests.
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101. Too bad the fascist oligarchies
are raping them
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102. to make hamburgers.
Look it up.
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103. Looks like someone woke up
on the regular side of the bed.
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104. Britta's just having
a rough time
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105. because her friend's in prison.
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106. I went to her Facebook page.
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107. It says she was tear-gassed
and possibly beaten.
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108. I haven't been tear-gassed
in so long.
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109. Well, you're on a new path now.
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110. Oh, goody, a new path.
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111. Is it lined with credit cards
and flat screen TVs?
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112. Does it go by an Ikea?
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113. Maybe I don't want a new path!
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114. Or any path.
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115. Maybe my path is a war path
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116. that leads
to the terrordome, n-words!
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117. Okay, maybe I went too far.
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118. Maybe I don't want to offend
my African-American friends,
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119. but the larger point is,
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120. maybe I'm not done
raging against the machine.
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121. Raging against the what?
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122. That sounds dangerous.
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123. Don't worry.
She'll be bad at it.
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124. Keep clear of the can.
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125. Sir, step around the can.
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126. Mind the can, student.
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127. You just got yourself
a warning.
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128. I piss warnings, pig.
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129. And that's how we do that.
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130. Hey!
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131. I got my eye on you, missy.
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132. Hi.
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133. You okay, kiddo?
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134. Yeah, yeah.
You know what's funny?
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135. This is so silly.
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136. Remember little Annie Kim
from Poli-Sci?
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137. Boy, she just...
took my model U.N. idea
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138. and just...
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139. She is quite
the little go-getter.
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140. Wait, what?
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141. She stole your idea?
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142. Sneak attack.
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143. That's just like—
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144. Not women, Asians.
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145. Well, the real important thing
is that there is a model U.N.
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146. It doesn't really matter
who starts it.
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147. It just means her name
goes on some charter
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148. and she gets to put it
on her résumé.
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149. And lead the Greendale team
to the national model U.N.,
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150. and meet Kofi Annan, Boutros
Boutros Ghali, and Will.I.Am.
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151. Boutros Boutros Ghali?
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152. I'm gonna find
this little brat's off-switch.
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153. Jeff!
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154. He's just being protective.
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155. I'll stop him.
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156. I am so excited that
we finally have a model U.N.
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157. here at Greendale.
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158. I am really, really, really,
really, really, really
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159. into model U.N.s.
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160. They used to call me model U.N.
guy back in college.
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161. Well, that's not—
don't research that.
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162. The important thing here
is that I am really—
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163. Pardon me, Professor Cligoris.
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164. Cligoris?
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165. Either pronunciation is fine?
Are you here for the model U.N.?
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166. I'm here to tell you
that the entire idea
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167. to have a model U.N.
was hers.
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168. Really? So you're
Clark M. Eichelburger.
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169. So I've had your photo around my
neck since I was in high school.
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170. I'm talking about
the Greendale model U.N.
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171. My Annie gave
this other Annie the idea
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172. and the diabolical
little b—usybody
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173. stabbed her in the back.
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174. It's childish.
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175. Honestly I'm just happy
there is a model U.N.
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176. Annie, is this true?
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177. I recall other Annie
mentioned the concept,
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178. but she certainly
didn't take the initiative
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179. to find a faculty advisor.
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180. I didn't know that all you had
to do was call dibs.
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181. I'm not calling dibs.
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182. Because I'm not a petty
competitive child
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183. that steals ideas.
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184. I simply refuse to acknowledge
the authority
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185. of your criminal model U.N.
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186. So don't recognize it.
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187. It still exists.
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188. Oh, then Annie'll just
start her own model U.N.
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189. Yeah, for grown-ups.
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190. Well, I still don't
recognize it.
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191. Well, it exists, baby!
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192. I'm sorry, I don't understand
your relationship here.
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193. Is he your father
or your lover?
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194. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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195. There can only be one
model U.N.
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196. that officially represents
this school
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197. so let's take our foot
off the crazy pedal
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198. for just a moment here.
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199. There's only one rational way
to settle this.
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200. A head-to-head model U.N.
Battle Royale,
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201. the rules to which I would have
to spend the evening devising.
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202. We'll have the competition
tomorrow
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203. in the cafeteria
at 7:00 P.M.
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204. May the most United Nations win.
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205. - Fair enough.
- Totally fair.
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206. I'll see you in the fair papers,
other Annie.
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207. Oh, and you were asking
what our relationship is?
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208. - We're friends.
- Yeah.
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209. - Good friends.
- Grown-up friends.
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210. - Yeah.
- So.
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211. We're friendly.
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212. So, the key to winning this thing is
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213. when in doubt,
agree with Annie.
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214. That's sweet, Jeff.
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215. But everyone should
just have fun.
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216. Then again, what's more fun
than winning?
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217. Pierce.
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218. I'm offended you would
single me out.
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219. Did you read up on
your country's info-packet?
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220. Yes.
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221. Somalia has 1,900 miles
of coastline,
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222. a government that
knows its place,
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223. and all the guns and wives
you can afford to buy.
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224. Why have I never heard
of this paradise before?
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225. I studied up on my country.
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226. Is it okay if
we do accents, sugar?
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227. Troy, Georgia the country,
not the state.
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228. That's right.
Capital city Tbilisi,
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229. and former member
of the Soviet Union.
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230. And we kindly request y'all
mind your Ps and Qs.
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231. Welcome to the world's
first ever model U.N.-off.
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232. You will each be scored
on your U.N.'s ability
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233. to pass resolutions, follow
procedure, and maintain order.
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234. The end goal, of course,
total world peace.
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235. Any questions?
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236. Does two U.N.s mean
there are two earths?
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237. Uh, yeah.
Sure, two earths.
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238. Parallel earths
in different galaxies
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239. or identical earths
in parallel dimensions?
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240. The latter one.
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241. Well, what does that say
about free will?
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242. Abed! Professor—
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243. Right, yeah, let's begin.
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244. Ready, set,
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245. peace.
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246. Crisis alert.
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247. A civil war has broken out
in Ethiopia.
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248. Rebel forces have seized
the grain supply,
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249. creating
a humanitarian disaster.
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250. Okay, cool heads, everyone.
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251. America proposes a U.N.
peacekeeping force of
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252. 10,000 troops.
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253. Uruguay agrees.
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254. Ooh, uh, China, too.
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255. Georgia—the country—
is much obliged.
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256. There's gonna be refugees.
Who can take refugees?
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257. The great country of Somalia.
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258. This gem,
this Shangri-La
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259. graciously invites
the Ethiopian refugees
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260. to enjoy safe lodging
and cool ocean breezes
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261. on its sand-swept beaches.
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262. Okay, we're rolling.
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263. Switzerland proposes
a peace summit.
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264. Good idea, Switzerland.
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265. And maybe at the peace summit
we can discuss the possibility
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266. of opening a portal
to Earth II.
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267. Can we put a pin
in that, Switzerland?
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268. Earth II is out there,
can't ignore it forever.
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269. Well, China has money.
Does anybody want some?
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270. Yes! The United States
proposes using China's money
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271. to fund agricultural programs
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272. to support Ethiopia's
sustainable farms.
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273. Which should promote economic
development and security.
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274. All in favor?
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275. It's unanimous.
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276. Good resolving,
blue U.N.
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277. You really covered
all the bases.
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278. We have a unanimous decision
as well.
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279. Then after one round,
we are tied.
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280. Looks like both U.N.s
are experts at fostering unity.
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281. - Crap.
- Damn it.
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282. Crisis alert. Russia...
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283. This is what the United Nations
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284. is doing to your freedom.
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285. I'm your freedom!
And I'm in a cage.
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286. With the world!
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287. Because of them!
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288. I thought I'd find you here.
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289. What are you gonna do,
lock me up?
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290. Just give me a reason.
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291. I'll give you a reason!
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292. Whoa!
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293. That's it,
you're coming with me.
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294. He's pulling my cage.
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295. I'm being pulled in my cage
for no reason!
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296. Is anybody seeing this?
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297. Is the world seeing this?
Are we facebooking this?
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298. Crisis alert!
A tsunami has hit Vietnam.
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299. Massive—crisis alert,
famine in Ghana—
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300. crisis alert—tuberculosis
outbreak—crisis alert!
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301. Humanitarian aid.
We further resolve—
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302. - Disarmament treaty.
- Crisis alert!
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303. To help women and children
get through famines.
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304. Save the orphans.
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305. Loose nukes—
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306. sinkhole—
North Korea—
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307. the prime minister in exile!
Military coup!
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308. The tropical paradise
of Somalia graciously yields.
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309. - China will pay.
- Gooder than grits.
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310. Switzerland is very concerned
about Earth II.
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311. Uruguay agrees.
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312. Uruguay sounds
like "you're a gay."
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313. Backyard barbecue!
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314. Uruguay kindly requests that
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315. Somalia stop pronouncing it
"you're a gay."
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316. - Hereditary monarchy!
- Resolved.
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317. - Graft and corruption.
- Resolved.
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318. Crisis alert!
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319. Resolved.
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320. Looking good, blue U.N.
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321. Getting very close
to world peace.
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322. That's my girl.
You are kicking ass.
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323. All right, guys,
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324. this is the home stretch.
All we gotta do is focus.
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325. Oh! Damn, Pierce.
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326. Ooh, that wasn't me.
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327. I don't smell anything—
whup, I just got it.
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328. Oh, it's in my mouth.
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329. Guys, come on, focus.
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330. Like adults.
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331. We're gonna lose a point
if we don't get through this.
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332. Get through it?
It's almost a solid.
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333. Crisis alert.
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334. A genocidal dictator
in Laos—
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335. Yeah, yeah, we'll get to that.
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336. Okay, so, looking at Turkey,
what can you do?
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337. So let me get this straight.
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338. You're bringing her in here
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339. for "making a mess."
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340. I did more than make a mess.
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341. I turned your whole system
inside out.
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342. And I shut her down.
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343. Young lady, you spilled paint
on a globe.
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344. You're as much a criminal
as this idiot is a cop.
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345. None whatsoever.
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346. Okay, but, um, she's going
to do something illegal.
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347. Aren't you?
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348. Is that true?
Do you, Britta Perry,
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349. have any intentions
of breaking any laws ever?
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350. I-I-
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351. Oh, my God.
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352. No, it's not that simple.
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353. I have a life now.
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354. I have a major and—
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355. Get out please.
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356. I have highlighters.
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357. Get out!
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358. Okay, I know you've got a lot
on your mind right now.
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359. But somebody broke that thing
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360. that comes down
from the parking booth.
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361. You know the thing
that comes down,
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362. keeps the... cars
from coming in.
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363. The thing. It's like a gate,
but it's just a stick.
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364. Comes down, from a hinge.
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365. Keeps the cars out.
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366. Goes up and down 90 degrees.
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367. The arm?
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368. Ooh, point goes to red team.
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369. How is this still happening?
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370. I can't remember what
regular air smells like.
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371. Do something or
we're gonna lose.
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372. Guys, this is important
to Annie.
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373. So whoever actually died
a few months ago, 'fess up
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374. so we can put a stake
through your heart.
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375. Jeff!
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376. Annie, I think
the real lesson here is
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377. that a model U.N.,
much like the real U.N.,
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378. quickly falls apart
when faced with actual—
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379. Noooooo!
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380. I think the lesson here
is that I need to win this!
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381. I want to win!
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382. And you!
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383. You suck!
You're a stupid, ugly poopface!
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384. I'm better than you!
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385. Annie, stop.
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386. You're acting
like a little schoolgirl
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387. and not in a hot way.
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388. Okay.
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389. Uh, that made me sound creepy.
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390. But—but here's the thing.
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391. Don't look at me.
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392. If embarrassment were
bountiful zinc deposits,
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393. I'd be Zambia.
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394. There's nothing
to be Zambia about, Annie.
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395. This is all my fault.
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396. I pushed you into competing
with other Annie.
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397. Are you kidding me?
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398. I practically ran to you
with that flier.
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399. I wanted to destroy her.
Copy !req
400. All because I can't handle
the thought
Copy !req
401. of anyone getting
more gold stars than me.
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402. I'm such a child.
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403. You're not.
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404. Listen, when you really
hate someone
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405. the way you hate Annie Kim,
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406. or when you feel
the way I feel about you,
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407. the easy loophole through
the creepiness and danger
Copy !req
408. is to treat them like a child.
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409. "A chip off the old block,
you're the best, kiddo."
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410. It's a crutch.
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411. It's a way for me to tell you
how important you are
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412. from a distance.
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413. But now you're becoming this...
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414. mature, self-possessed,
intelligent young woman,
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415. and I can't keep
patting you on the head
Copy !req
416. or talking down to you.
Copy !req
417. But I like how close we are.
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418. I don't want to grow up if
it means losing what we have.
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419. Well, tough, Annie.
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420. You have to grow up because the
world needs more women like you.
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421. Can't keep doing
this forever, kiddo.
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422. Can't we?
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423. - Nope. I can't, no.
- Nope, that's gross.
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424. That feels gross.
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425. Well, I better go
check on the group.
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426. If they haven't left already.
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427. I'll follow you.
Copy !req
428. From a respectable distance.
Copy !req
429. Guys?
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430. I'm sorry I put you
through that.
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431. And I know it doesn't make up
for what happened,
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432. but would it help if I said
Copy !req
433. I farted?
Copy !req
434. Annie, no.
Copy !req
435. I can't let you fall
on that sword because...
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436. I farted.
Copy !req
437. No, I farted.
Copy !req
438. I farted.
Copy !req
439. Guys, I wasn't doing
the Spartacus thing.
Copy !req
440. I farted.
Copy !req
441. No, seriously, I—
Copy !req
442. We all farted.
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443. Oh, you guys!
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444. - Annie...
- I'm farting now.
Copy !req
445. Wait, why are you still here?
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446. Abed may have figured out
a way we can still win.
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447. Really? How?
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448. It's simple, really.
First we...
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449. Abed, what did I tell you?
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450. You can't just mumble nonsense.
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451. No one's cutting away.
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452. Okay, fine,
here's my actual plan.
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453. What is that?
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454. It's from Britta.
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455. She's promising to disrupt
the model... U.N.
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456. She says she's gonna cause
a disruption that,
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457. while not completely illegal,
should be a real concern
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458. to campus... Security!
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459. Oh, no.
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460. Maybe we should call
the real cops.
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461. You know, back in the '80s,
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462. I had this real
piece of work protestor,
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463. used to always give me trouble.
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464. You know what happened to her?
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465. She incited a riot
at the W.T.O.
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466. Got choked
until she passed out.
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467. By some real cop
with a real billyclub.
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468. Sometimes I wonder, you know?
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469. Well, what are you waiting for?
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470. Go show that hippie
how the world really works.
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471. Aren't you
forgetting something?
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472. All in favor?
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473. Aye?
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474. Could you morons say aye
any slower? Come on.
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475. - Greetings, people of Earth II.
- What is this?
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476. We represent
the United Nations from Earth I.
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477. Using our Switzerland's
hadron collider
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478. and resources from
every nation,
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479. the people of our planet
have constructed
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480. a trans-dimensional
gateway here.
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481. They can't do this.
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482. The science works out.
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483. Yes.
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484. We come to you with an offer.
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485. We he achieved world peace,
tying our score with yours.
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486. But we are willing
to concede our victory
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487. if you agree conceding yours,
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488. forming one gigantic
United United Nations.
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489. We did it.
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490. You're a fool.
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491. Your ultimatum is itself
a technical act of aggression.
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492. If we simply refuse
to recognize your authority,
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493. we still remain ahead
and you lose.
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494. But you win a simple game.
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495. The larger symbolic victory
will be ours.
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496. Oh la la.
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497. We refuse.
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498. I'll take the real victory.
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499. A logical, effective,
common sense move, Annie Kim.
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500. One which flies in the very face
of the United Nations itself,
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501. a fundamentally symbolic
organization
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502. founded on the principles
of high-minded rhetoric
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503. and empty gestures.
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504. Blue U.N. wins.
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505. What the hell are you doing?
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506. Nothing.
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507. And you can't do anything
to stop me.
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508. Did someone say
"can't do anything"?
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509. Oh, that's—
that's nice. No?
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510. I knew you'd come.
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511. You're so busted.
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512. Yes.
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513. I told you to stop playing
Operation on me!
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514. I'm not your damn board game!
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515. At least you didn't get
my spare ribs.
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