1. Jeff, you haven't even
looked at the new
course catalog.Copy !req
2. I'm like a kid
in a candy store.Copy !req
3. Well, the candy
has lost its appeal now
that I work at the store.Copy !req
4. You might say
becoming a teacher here
gave me diabetes.Copy !req
5. I was just
saying that!Copy !req
6. Are you always thirsty
and fatigued,Copy !req
7. and you have blurry vision,
and your cuts heal slower?Copy !req
8. Those are actual diabetes
symptoms.Copy !req
9. That's what
the doctor said!Copy !req
10. So is he
treating it?Copy !req
11. I asked him
the same thing!Copy !req
12. What did he say?Copy !req
13. He said make an appointment
through his office,
during business hours,Copy !req
14. this is his home,
his children sleep here.Copy !req
15. You know doctors.Copy !req
16. Oh, my gosh, you guys.Copy !req
17. There's a class
called "Basic Grifting."Copy !req
18. Should we all learn
how to be grifters
together?Copy !req
19. Wait, what do grifters
do again?Copy !req
20. I got this.Copy !req
21. I'll tell you
for five bucks.Copy !req
22. No.Copy !req
23. You better sign
me up.
Me too.Copy !req
24. I've always wanted
to learn more about griftingCopy !req
25. ever since I saw 1990's
The Grifters,Copy !req
26. featuring Jon Cusack,
Anjelica Huston,
and almost no grifting.Copy !req
27. You guys, don't take
a grifting class.Copy !req
28. You're gonna
get grifted.Copy !req
29. Even more so than
by that oceanography class,Copy !req
30. only none of you
will even get a goldfish.Copy !req
31. Then you're gonna come
crying back to me.
Why you?Copy !req
32. Because, let's face it,Copy !req
33. I'm the closest thing
that Greendale has
to an experienced grifter.Copy !req
34. Ohhh! This is
one of those thingsCopy !req
35. where Jeff gets jealous
of something dumb.Copy !req
36. Jeff's jealous of a grifter!Copy !req
37. Because he wishes
he was still a grifter!Copy !req
38. That's something
even I can mock,
and I live in an RV.Copy !req
39. Yeah, I'm judging you,
and my dinner table
folds down from a wall.Copy !req
40. I say we all take
the grifting class together,Copy !req
41. have a great time,
and rub it in Jeff's face.Copy !req
42. Who's in and can you cover me?
I'll pay you back.Copy !req
43. I'll get it
from your parents.
I'll pay you back.Copy !req
44. At which point,
I'll pay back your parents.Copy !req
45. Which will be never!Copy !req
46. I will get a high five
from your parents.Copy !req
47. All right, each student
should bring a briefcase.
I don't have a briefcase.Copy !req
48. We're going to grift
with briefcases?Copy !req
49. Basic my ass.
That's advanced.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
50. I have a few
extra briefcases.Copy !req
51. Shocker.
Are they regulation?Copy !req
52. We each need
a regulation
grifting briefcase.Copy !req
53. It's a grift.
What's a regulation
briefcase?Copy !req
54. I don't know,
but they're provided
for only $150.Copy !req
55. You're being grifted.Copy !req
56. Shut up, Jeff.
You're such
a negative person.Copy !req
57. What do you contribute
to this group
besides negativity?Copy !req
58. Guys, watch this.Copy !req
59. Can I borrow $150?Copy !req
60. No.
See!Copy !req
61. Now who's gonna
come with meCopy !req
62. and show this guy
what's up?Copy !req
63. I'll pay you back.
I'll get it
from your parents.Copy !req
64. Tell them
I spit on their wealth,
and thank you.Copy !req
65. Good morning.Copy !req
66. My name is Professor
Roger DeSalvo,Copy !req
67. for the time being.Copy !req
68. Oh.
For I use
many a pseudonym.Copy !req
69. Such as Jeff Goulash,Copy !req
70. Phillip Switch,
or Baz Ravish.Copy !req
71. For I am a grifter,Copy !req
72. and this...Copy !req
73. is Grifting 101.Copy !req
74. Aw!Copy !req
75. Now which one of you thinks
I did that on purpose?Copy !req
76. Exactly...Copy !req
77. you think you've
seen me fail.Copy !req
78. You think you've spotted
a weakness.Copy !req
79. Let me tell you something.
With the flick of a wrist...Copy !req
80. I could show you
a fool one minute...Copy !req
81. or longer.Copy !req
82. I see you've got
your briefcases.Copy !req
83. Excellent.
Hold them aloft.Copy !req
84. Pass them
to each other.Copy !req
85. Now, pass them back.Copy !req
86. Do it at speed.Copy !req
87. Quicker!Copy !req
88. Pass them like hell.Copy !req
89. Pass them
like your sister's dying.Copy !req
90. And continue that
for about 40 minutes.Copy !req
91. Wait, 40 minutes?Copy !req
92. What's your name,
my love?
Annie Edison.Copy !req
93. That sounds like a real name,
not the name of a grifter,Copy !req
94. and, therefore,
not a teacher.Copy !req
95. Ahem.
What?Copy !req
96. My name is Slick Pockets
Tucker.Copy !req
97. No, it's not.
That's correct.Copy !req
98. I was just wondering
what the next lesson will be.Copy !req
99. The next lesson will be
passing two briefcases.Copy !req
100. But you need to master the art
of passing one.Copy !req
101. And then you can purchase
another briefcase.Copy !req
102. What?
You talk too much.Copy !req
103. Keep passing.Copy !req
104. It's a very funny book.Copy !req
105. Oh, no, grifters.Copy !req
106. I better watch
my French fries,
unless...Copy !req
107. Counterfeit?Copy !req
108. Where did you
learn to do that?Copy !req
109. We didn't learn anything.
That class is...Copy !req
110. A rip-off?Copy !req
111. Hmm, what's another word
for that?Copy !req
112. All he did was throw his hat
and make us pass briefcases.Copy !req
113. And he kept trying
to sell us stuff.Copy !req
114. Briefcase swapping talcum
for "grifter's palm,"Copy !req
115. briefcase hinge oil
for "silent switcheroos,"Copy !req
116. and something called
"extra believable socks."Copy !req
117. Those are actually
half off.Copy !req
118. I kind of feel
like I grifted him.Copy !req
119. So, in a sense,Copy !req
120. what happened is,Copy !req
121. you took a class
about grifting...Copy !req
122. and...Copy !req
123. Jeff, you really
need us to say it?Copy !req
124. You were...
Bu... whoa...
whoa, whoa.Copy !req
125. Yeah, I need you
to say it.Copy !req
126. Let me
just get settled.Copy !req
127. Okay, go.Copy !req
128. You were right.Copy !req
129. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
130. Well, you live
and you learn, guys.Copy !req
131. Well, you live, anyway.Copy !req
132. So now will you
please help us?Copy !req
133. Help you?
We want revenge.Copy !req
134. We want
to grift him back.Copy !req
135. You want to grift a grifter?
That's as dumb
as taking his class.Copy !req
136. Just cut
your losses.
But, Jeff...Copy !req
137. I begged you not to go
down this path,Copy !req
138. and you made fun of me.
You pointed at my face
and laughed.Copy !req
139. We're sorry
we hurt your feelings.Copy !req
140. My feelings are fine.
I'm just very lazy,Copy !req
141. and you gave me
an excuse to do nothing.Copy !req
142. I'm not just gonna
throw that away.Copy !req
143. You don't want to
take this guy down?Copy !req
144. He's even lazier
than you.Copy !req
145. Doesn't your species
consider that a challenge?Copy !req
146. Shouldn't you be having
some kind of
reverse pissing contestCopy !req
147. to determine
who's laziest?Copy !req
148. Is that where you suck it
back up in your...Copy !req
149. Ugh, I'm sorry.
I've only ever done it
the other way.Copy !req
150. You mean peeing?Copy !req
151. No, I mean
in the back.Copy !req
152. He hasn't done
anything to me.Copy !req
153. In fact, he sounds
like a pretty good guy.Copy !req
154. I bet we'd get along.Copy !req
155. Good show.
Good show.Copy !req
156. What show?Copy !req
157. I haven't seen
that show.Copy !req
158. All right,
all the best.Copy !req
159. And you are?Copy !req
160. Well, I was the guy
with a full bottle of scotchCopy !req
161. and a high tolerance
for foreigners.Copy !req
162. How robust.Copy !req
163. I imagine
that you're Jeff Winger?Copy !req
164. Turns out,
we're going to be
office buddies.Copy !req
165. Hello there, sir.
My name is Roger DeSalvo.Copy !req
166. Or is it? You see,
I happen to be in the...Copy !req
167. Grifting 101.
Yes, I've heard
about you.Copy !req
168. That would be
your desk.Copy !req
169. If you need
a mnemonic device,Copy !req
170. it's the one without
someone else's stuff
all over it.Copy !req
171. Well played.Copy !req
172. Very well played.Copy !req
173. I got to say...Copy !req
174. I admire your style.Copy !req
175. Grifting people by selling
them grifting lessons?Copy !req
176. That's genius.
But I called it.Copy !req
177. I never said
my class was a grift.Copy !req
178. Don't worry about me,
I'm one of you.Copy !req
179. Was, anyway.
Do tell.Copy !req
180. Well, I worked
at one of the top
law firms in the city...Copy !req
181. as a lawyer.Copy !req
182. But guess what?Copy !req
183. I'm not a lawyer.Copy !req
184. I think you're talking
about lying.Copy !req
185. Grifting happens to be
an art form.Copy !req
186. The art of lying.Copy !req
187. Let's not get high handed,
grifting is lying.Copy !req
188. Okay, so,
like a string is a sweater.Copy !req
189. Like paint
is the Sistine Chapel.Copy !req
190. Sure,
grifting includes lying.Copy !req
191. But only a liar
would call grifting lying.Copy !req
192. And only a delusional hobo
would glorify stealing.Copy !req
193. Really, did you
say something
that wasn't true there?Copy !req
194. Maybe we should phone
the museum?Copy !req
195. I was on your side.
You're an ass.Copy !req
196. Well, you're a craftless,
artless thug.Copy !req
197. And I'm God's paintbrush.Copy !req
198. No, I am God.Copy !req
199. Which pretty much
makes me better than you.Copy !req
200. You know what?Copy !req
201. Let's agree
to disagree.Copy !req
202. It's not important.Copy !req
203. Oh, okay,
so you can lie.
Yeah, you liar.Copy !req
204. Yeah.Copy !req
205. I want to speak to you,
you son of a bitch.Copy !req
206. What?Copy !req
207. I love you.Copy !req
208. I do too.Copy !req
209. Good.Copy !req
210. Why are you guys
still doing that?Copy !req
211. Well,
it was homework.Copy !req
212. And we're getting better,
right?Copy !req
213. Or the friction
has gradually
melted the handleCopy !req
214. to fit into
our palms.Copy !req
215. There's nothing
to get better at.
The class is a grift.Copy !req
216. The next person who says
grift is gonna... grift.Copy !req
217. My God, now it's replacing
other words.Copy !req
218. All right, I'm in.Copy !req
219. Let's grift
the son of a bitch.Copy !req
220. Why are you cheering?
He... he could be
saying anything.Copy !req
221. Grift, grift, grift,Copy !req
222. grift, grift, grift, grift,
grift, grift, grift, grift!Copy !req
223. Good work.
I can't remember your name.Copy !req
224. Likewise, no idea
what your name is.
Great job.Copy !req
225. All right.Copy !req
226. I'd say you're...Copy !req
227. pretty close to swapping
with briefcasesCopy !req
228. loaded with
actual fake money,Copy !req
229. such as this.Copy !req
230. This isn't real money,
it's just cut up newspaper,
but it weighs the same.Copy !req
231. Costs $5 apiece.Copy !req
232. You'll be using 10.Copy !req
233. Telegram for
Elroy Patashnik!Copy !req
234. I'm Patashnik.Copy !req
235. Telegram, sir.Copy !req
236. Oh, my God.
My Aunt Baba...Copy !req
237. died on vacation
while in Africa.Copy !req
238. Oh.Copy !req
239. But she left me
a million dollars.Copy !req
240. But the African government
wants to seize the funds.Copy !req
241. Class dismissed.Copy !req
242. Not you.Copy !req
243. Are you
out of your mind?
What?Copy !req
244. The African Telegram.Copy !req
245. The Jim Belushi
of grifts.Copy !req
246. Are you trying
to grift me?Copy !req
247. I'll cut you in
for 14 grand.Copy !req
248. Get out.Copy !req
249. Out!Copy !req
250. One more thing.Copy !req
251. Nice try twice.Copy !req
252. Twice?
The fake grift
within the grift.Copy !req
253. Or the double bean,
if you like.Copy !req
254. I'm gonna
mention a name,Copy !req
255. and however you react,
I'll know the truth.Copy !req
256. Jeff Winger.Copy !req
257. That's the one.
Who's Jeff Winger?Copy !req
258. Who?Copy !req
259. That's the one.Copy !req
260. Out you go.Copy !req
261. Say hi to him.Copy !req
262. By the way, Jeff Winger...Copy !req
263. nice try thrice.Copy !req
264. Hey.Copy !req
265. How was grifting class?Copy !req
266. Did you teach
advanced grifting techniquesCopy !req
267. only you could understand...
the Brown Betty?Copy !req
268. The Texas Well Baby?
The Reverse Jim Gaffigan?Copy !req
269. Well, I wouldn't teach
the African Telegram,Copy !req
270. since I'm not a hack.Copy !req
271. And also
since the internet.Copy !req
272. Okay, you caught me.
Game over.Copy !req
273. Let's end
this competition.Copy !req
274. Cheers to that.Copy !req
275. Uh, sir, you...Copy !req
276. That guy left his
lottery ticket on the table.Copy !req
277. That was
the Telegram man.
No, it wasn't.Copy !req
278. I mean, what telegram?Copy !req
279. Exactly. What telegram?
Because the internet.Copy !req
280. You know, that place
that you obviously wentCopy !req
281. to type in the word
"grifting".Copy !req
282. I'm gonna grift you.
I'm gonna grift your ass.Copy !req
283. Or is that the grift?Copy !req
284. None of it's a grift.
It's all nonsense.Copy !req
285. Okay, how many times
have I told you peopleCopy !req
286. the faculty lounge
is not a bar?Copy !req
287. All right, pack it up,
people. Come on.Copy !req
288. You don't have to go
teach a class,
but you can't stay here.Copy !req
289. Look. Truce, okay?Copy !req
290. Promise no more grifting,Copy !req
291. and promise
if this is worth a million,Copy !req
292. we'll split it.
You're an idiot.Copy !req
293. Or maybe I'm a genius?Copy !req
294. No, I can answer that.
You're definitely an idiot.Copy !req
295. Can an idiot walk
backwards like this
and not hit anything?Copy !req
296. Maybe.Copy !req
297. Or maybe not.Copy !req
298. Psst.
What?Copy !req
299. What are you
doing here?Copy !req
300. This guy
is a grifter!Copy !req
301. Professor of grifting.Copy !req
302. He charges $400,
you get two briefcases,Copy !req
303. and your ex-boyfriend
becomes an obsessive...Copy !req
304. I didn't know
you and Winger
were lovers.Copy !req
305. If he wanted my respect,
he should have
opened with that.Copy !req
306. Are you trying
to be disarming?Copy !req
307. Are you grifting me
out of my arms?Copy !req
308. I did nothing
to that man.Copy !req
309. He called himself a grifter.
I just simply corrected him.Copy !req
310. Yeah, because the truth
is so important
to the both of you.Copy !req
311. So what's it gonna cost
to make you go away?Copy !req
312. Well?Copy !req
313. He took the bait.Copy !req
314. Yes!Copy !req
315. Wait, I thought
we didn't want him
to take the bait.Copy !req
316. No, we're saying
the same thing.Copy !req
317. He didn't take the bait
we didn't want taken.Copy !req
318. The African Telegram.Copy !req
319. Yeah, which was offered
as fake baitCopy !req
320. and taken as such,
I.e., not taken.Copy !req
321. Because that made him
feel in control.Copy !req
322. And by avoiding
all visible bait,Copy !req
323. he placed himself
on the invisible hookCopy !req
324. of assuming
we're planning to grift him.Copy !req
325. Oh, I like it.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
326. But we are.
So he knows the truth.Copy !req
327. Isn't that, like,
the one thingCopy !req
328. you're not supposed to know
when you're being grifted?Copy !req
329. Hmm.Copy !req
330. He can know
a plan all he wants.Copy !req
331. But the plan he knows
won't be our plan.Copy !req
332. Ooh.
Okay.Copy !req
333. Because our plan
is impossible to know?Copy !req
334. Because...Copy !req
335. Oh, my God!Copy !req
336. Jeff is making this up
as we go.Copy !req
337. Shh. Just knock it off.
What do you want from me?Copy !req
338. We wanted you to help
us do a grift.Copy !req
339. I'm working on it!
Improvisationally?Copy !req
340. They definitely
had a plan in The Sting.Copy !req
341. If anyone
wants to watch it,Copy !req
342. it's important you know
it knocks out
half a calendar day.Copy !req
343. Look, do you guys
rememberCopy !req
344. when we hugged and jumped
up and down in the cafeteria?Copy !req
345. Yeah.
Obviously.Copy !req
346. Well,
having been togetherCopy !req
347. virtually non-stop
ever since,Copy !req
348. at what point
do you think I slipped off
with pen and paperCopy !req
349. and planned an entire grift,
then withheld it from you?Copy !req
350. I guess at any
of the several dozen pointsCopy !req
351. when a normal person
would say,Copy !req
352. "By the way,
I have no plan."Copy !req
353. In The Sting,
they do withhold stuff
from each other.Copy !req
354. Or from the audience,
but I think for effect.Copy !req
355. Also be warned,
20% of the movie
is hand drawn.Copy !req
356. Abed, why don't you
marry The Sting?Copy !req
357. Okay, just so you know,
if I do and we have
half Sting children,Copy !req
358. when they ask me
how to grift,
I'm gonna tell themCopy !req
359. to watch their mother,
not listen to you!Copy !req
360. Yeah!
You suck with this.Copy !req
361. You are
unbelievable!
Bad stinger!Copy !req
362. Shut up, okay?Copy !req
363. You guys...
you're... you're always
picking on me, all right?Copy !req
364. Aw!Copy !req
365. And you've really been
hammering me lately.Copy !req
366. All I had
was the idea that...Copy !req
367. Look... look,
I... I need this.Copy !req
368. I need to be
better than this guy.Copy !req
369. So let me think.Copy !req
370. Abed.
Yeah?Copy !req
371. Did you bring
your laptop?
Yes, right here.Copy !req
372. What do you
want to do with it?Copy !req
373. Watch The Sting.Copy !req
374. It's over.Copy !req
375. What happened?Copy !req
376. Who got shot?Copy !req
377. What's going on?
Was Sting even in it?Copy !req
378. That movie
was terrible.
You slept the whole time.Copy !req
379. Yeah, that's worse,
The dialogue seeped
in my dreams.Copy !req
380. My whole brain
is long and quiet.Copy !req
381. So how did they
grift him?Copy !req
382. Well, they basically
made a fake buildingCopy !req
383. and hired a thousand people
to cooperate
in perfect secrecy.Copy !req
384. Huh.Copy !req
385. Should we just
do that?Copy !req
386. We could watch
another grifter movie.Copy !req
387. There's more activity
in Matchstick Men.Copy !req
388. Oh, like what?Copy !req
389. At one point,
they build
a fake hospital.Copy !req
390. So much construction!Copy !req
391. Oh, God.
It's so late.Copy !req
392. You guys are gonna
bail on me, aren't you?Copy !req
393. I think we have to,
Jeff.Copy !req
394. We've tried
everything we can.Copy !req
395. Maybe over the weekend,
I can make a fake building,Copy !req
396. but all the briefcases
and the swappingCopy !req
397. and The Sting,
I'm not cut out for it.Copy !req
398. I'm starting to think
that real grifts only
really happen in the movies.Copy !req
399. And even in the movies,
they barely make sense.Copy !req
400. Look, I'm old.Copy !req
401. The Sting is terrible.
Grifting is stupid.Copy !req
402. The writing's
on the wall.Copy !req
403. So that's it.Copy !req
404. There's no shame in this,
Jeff.Copy !req
405. Oh, I don't know
about that.Copy !req
406. Well, this is a scene
to behold.Copy !req
407. Huddled in the closet,
watching The Sting
like gypsies.Copy !req
408. Roger.Copy !req
409. We surrender.Copy !req
410. You were right,Copy !req
411. I'm no grifter.Copy !req
412. No, I was wrong.Copy !req
413. If you remember,
I called you a thug.Copy !req
414. Thugs fight.Copy !req
415. You're more...Copy !req
416. Nope.Copy !req
417. I can't think of a metaphor
pathetic enough
to suit you, Jeff Winger.Copy !req
418. Though I am reminded
of something Oscar Wilde
once saidCopy !req
419. when he compared
sheep to wolves.
Screw it.Copy !req
420. Britta!Copy !req
421. You hit me!Copy !req
422. With a woman's hand!Copy !req
423. You Midwestern floozy!Copy !req
424. I lived in New York!Copy !req
425. Ahh!Copy !req
426. Oh.Copy !req
427. Yeah, right,
he's grifting us.Copy !req
428. Grift blood.Copy !req
429. Someone taste it,Copy !req
430. I'm sure it's Karo syrup
and food dye.Copy !req
431. I mean, I would,
but my diabetes.Copy !req
432. 19, 20,Copy !req
433. 21.Copy !req
434. Are you counting
the amount of moneyCopy !req
435. or the number
of stacks?Copy !req
436. Um.Copy !req
437. I have to start over.Copy !req
438. I'll do it. Move.Copy !req
439. But I want to go
on recordCopy !req
440. as being disgusted
by this transaction.Copy !req
441. Got it.
"Disgusted."Copy !req
442. I'm sorry, love,Copy !req
443. but would you rather
we took this to court?Copy !req
444. No, no, no, no, no.
We appreciate you
keeping this between us,Copy !req
445. and I do want
to remind youCopy !req
446. that we offer
a lot of classesCopy !req
447. and many of them
are cash only.Copy !req
448. Me, take a class here?Copy !req
449. Talk about a rip-off.Copy !req
450. Talk about a ribbing.Copy !req
451. What the hell
am I doing?Copy !req
452. You know, so far,Copy !req
453. Frankie's disgustedCopy !req
454. and, uh, that's it.Copy !req
455. Seems like
a waste of a record.Copy !req
456. I'm so sorry, guys.
This is all my fault.
Don't be...Copy !req
457. I'm the one who got into
a pissing match...
with a jerk.Copy !req
458. You're a jerk.Copy !req
459. You're a jerk.
You're a jerk.Copy !req
460. You're all jerks.Copy !req
461. And this whole school
can suck a big one.Copy !req
462. And you can put
that in your record.Copy !req
463. I'm sorry, guys.
I'm bound by my station.Copy !req
464. Speaking on that topic,
Britta,Copy !req
465. this is all your fault,
and you're expelled.Copy !req
466. No, Dean.
Let... let me
handle this.Copy !req
467. Pelton,
you can't do that.Copy !req
468. Britta's the heart
of this group.Copy !req
469. She started it.Copy !req
470. As a fake biology group,Copy !req
471. so that she
could have sex with,Copy !req
472. uh, Troy.Copy !req
473. No, no, no.
That's exactly it.Copy !req
474. Okay. No,
let me handle it.
No, no, no.Copy !req
475. No.
You can't
expel Britta.Copy !req
476. She's been here
six years.Copy !req
477. Three more,
and she'll have her
two-year degree.Copy !req
478. Britta keeps me grounded
in reality.Copy !req
479. You can't expel her
with four week-isodes
left in a seaso-mester.Copy !req
480. See, it's starting.
It's okay, guys.
It's okay.Copy !req
481. All right.
50,000.Copy !req
482. And I'll just
put this in here.Copy !req
483. Give it to me.
Yep.Copy !req
484. Don't help me,
anyone.Copy !req
485. Turn me around.Copy !req
486. Hey?Copy !req
487. The plan was
to meet later.Copy !req
488. So what's it gonna cost
to make you go away?Copy !req
489. You know, there's a way
we could end this
very quickly,Copy !req
490. and make a bit of money.Copy !req
491. I don't like it.Copy !req
492. But keep talking.Copy !req
493. Yes, that was the plan.Copy !req
494. And your plan was probably
to never show up.Copy !req
495. Clever girl.Copy !req
496. Don't trust anyone.Copy !req
497. Hang on, did you
have to hit me for real?Copy !req
498. Have to? No.Copy !req
499. Now that
you're expelled,Copy !req
500. you might consider
a career in grifting.Copy !req
501. You're quite
good at it.
I don't know.Copy !req
502. How does one
go through life
like that?Copy !req
503. Well...Copy !req
504. follow me
and I'll show you.Copy !req
505. Oh, shut up.Copy !req
506. I only agreed
to any of thisCopy !req
507. to get you away
from GreendaleCopy !req
508. and out of Jeff's hair.Copy !req
509. He's an idiot,
but I hate watching himCopy !req
510. spin out
trying to beat you.Copy !req
511. Oh, you
sentimental fool.
No.Copy !req
512. Later.Copy !req
513. At the motel.Copy !req
514. The motel, hmm.Copy !req
515. No.Copy !req
516. What the hell?Copy !req
517. Oh, shut up.Copy !req
518. The only reason
I agreed to any of thisCopy !req
519. was to get you
away from GreendaleCopy !req
520. and out of Jeff's hair.Copy !req
521. What the...Copy !req
522. You two!
Come back here!Copy !req
523. Briefcases,Copy !req
524. coming right through.Copy !req
525. Identical briefcases.Copy !req
526. What?
Why more briefcases?Copy !req
527. This is pointless.Copy !req
528. I already know
she's got my briefcase.Copy !req
529. Briefcase parade.Copy !req
530. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
531. You get back here.Copy !req
532. You get back here
with my money.Copy !req
533. Get back here!Copy !req
534. Oh...Copy !req
535. Roger.
They stole
my money.Copy !req
536. What?
Those briefcases
contain my money.Copy !req
537. They stole
$50,000 from me.Copy !req
538. 50 grand, huh?Copy !req
539. You guys know
what he's talking about?
I don't think so.Copy !req
540. These are our
briefcases.Copy !req
541. We're in
his grifting class.
He sells these supplies.Copy !req
542. 150 bucks.Copy !req
543. Really, a hun...
okay.Copy !req
544. We are still rolling.Copy !req
545. We got pretty good at it too.
Check it out.Copy !req
546. Ow.
Ow, sorry.Copy !req
547. Sorry, got it.
Okay.Copy !req
548. Roger, why were you
walking around
with $50,000?Copy !req
549. Are you mental?Copy !req
550. Hey. Whoa, pal.Copy !req
551. That usage
may fly in the UK.Copy !req
552. Not in the States.Copy !req
553. I have a mentally challenged
cousin.Copy !req
554. Sister.
Pics...Copy !req
555. I want to see pics.
Okay, me too.Copy !req
556. You know very well...Copy !req
557. that this school
paid meCopy !req
558. $50,000 in cash
for these injuries.Copy !req
559. Well, you seem to be
in pretty good shape.Copy !req
560. Oh, my God.
Look at the two of you.Copy !req
561. Yeah, he's the reason
I became a cop.Copy !req
562. You know,
a lot of bullies out there.Copy !req
563. There are a million...Copy !req
564. witnesses to this.
Hey, everyone.Copy !req
565. Hey, guys.
Hanging out
in the cafeteria?Copy !req
566. Hi, Professor.Copy !req
567. What happened
to your face?
This is ridiculous.Copy !req
568. Oh, she's beautiful.
You could be twins.Copy !req
569. So the statement
I'm hearing here is,Copy !req
570. you're a grifting
Professor.Copy !req
571. Yeah.
You're teaching
these people how to grift,Copy !req
572. but you're saying
they grifted you?Copy !req
573. No, you...
I'm not saying that!Copy !req
574. They didn't grift me.Copy !req
575. What they do
is not grifting.Copy !req
576. They wouldn't even
understand
what the word meant.Copy !req
577. I think we need to take
what Roger's saying
more seriously.Copy !req
578. Because it sounds like...Copy !req
579. he was either
the victimCopy !req
580. of crass,
artless thuggery...Copy !req
581. Correct.
In which case...Copy !req
582. there really is $50,000
floating aroundCopy !req
583. that he was given
for clearly fake injuriesCopy !req
584. and that he, therefore,
now owes the school...Copy !req
585. What?Copy !req
586. Or Professor DeSalvo
was targeted...Copy !req
587. by a group of people
he vastly underestimated,Copy !req
588. in which case,
the money was given
and then taken back,Copy !req
589. and nobody owes anybody
anything.Copy !req
590. All he would have to doCopy !req
591. is admit...Copy !req
592. I was grifted.Copy !req
593. Grift, grift, grift, grift,Copy !req
594. grift, grift, grift, grift!Copy !req
595. Why are you even here?
Who called you?Copy !req
596. Nobody.Copy !req
597. I take macrame
after work.Copy !req
598. They know that.Copy !req
599. Sorry you got grifted.Copy !req
600. Let me know if you want
to press charges,
and, uh,Copy !req
601. if you can think
of what those would be.Copy !req
602. Professor DeSalvo,
under the circumstances,Copy !req
603. I'm sure you agree
it doesn't make senseCopy !req
604. for you to keep
teaching this subject here.Copy !req
605. Yeah, I mean...Copy !req
606. we kind of know
everything there is to know.Copy !req
607. You should probably
refund all of their moneyCopy !req
608. and we should all go
get some hot dogs!Copy !req
609. Hot dogs!Copy !req
610. Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs,
hot dogs, hot dogs,Copy !req
611. hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs,
hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs,Copy !req
612. hot dogs...Copy !req
613. We were all in on it
the whole time?Copy !req
614. You weren't.Copy !req
615. Because I can't
be trusted!Copy !req
616. Hot dogs, hot dogs!Copy !req
617. Telegram
for Mr. Winger.
Hey, Ridley.Copy !req
618. So I returned
the telegram man outfit
to the Dean.Copy !req
619. Oh, thank you so much.Copy !req
620. I know how crazy
this week's been.Copy !req
621. You really didn't have
to do this.Copy !req
622. Are you kidding?
I owe you.Copy !req
623. Whatever you need,
just say the word.
All right.Copy !req
624. I could use your help
moving a mattress
this weekend.Copy !req
625. Okay, cool.
Is that okay?Copy !req
626. Let me know.Copy !req
627. My name
is Ryan Ridley.Copy !req
628. Three years ago,
my life was savedCopy !req
629. by a stranger at my gym.Copy !req
630. I felt like
I owed him my life.Copy !req
631. Apparently, he agreed.Copy !req
632. Now he has me do things.Copy !req
633. And I keep hoping
and praying that one day,Copy !req
634. I'll do enough
for him to call us even.Copy !req
635. Until then,
I'm just a guy
from his gym.Copy !req