1. At 60% less fat
and 20% less price,Copy !req
2. the only thing Kolb Family's
Family Pack Ham PacksCopy !req
3. don't have less of
is flavor.Copy !req
4. Ham, girl!Copy !req
5. Family Pack Ham Packs
from Kolb Family Farms,Copy !req
6. the family that's pleased
to "meat" you.Copy !req
7. Ham, girl!Copy !req
8. You don't know his name,
but you know what he saysCopy !req
9. and you love
how he says it.Copy !req
10. Ham, girl!Copy !req
11. Ham, girl!Copy !req
12. So, who is the man
who started it all?Copy !req
13. Ben Chang, and we have him
here with us today.Copy !req
14. You are
the "ham, girl!" guy.Copy !req
15. Yes, I am
the "ham, girl" guy.Copy !req
16. How did this happen?Copy !req
17. Well, I just kept auditioning,
you know, kept working hard.Copy !req
18. And now,
Spielberg is calling.Copy !req
19. Not...Copy !req
20. You know,
I don't go by phone calls.
I go by contracts.Copy !req
21. But Spielberg is
interested in youCopy !req
22. for The Color Blue
in the new Play-Doh movie.Copy !req
23. Is that right?
Well, maybe, you know, maybe,Copy !req
24. but like I always say,
you know,Copy !req
25. life is a roller coaster.Copy !req
26. You were a teacher at
a community college
in Colorado.Copy !req
27. Did you just,
one day in class, say,Copy !req
28. "Class dismissed.
I'm headed to Hollywood"?Copy !req
29. I mean,
how did your students
react to that?Copy !req
30. Well, you know,
I haven't spoken
to them really.Copy !req
31. I... there's not much
for me back there.Copy !req
32. No friends?Copy !req
33. Uh, you know,
I was kind of a loner.Copy !req
34. People, you know,
made fun of me for it,Copy !req
35. but, you know,
I just kept my head downCopy !req
36. and stayed focused
on my work.Copy !req
37. Well, they're not
making fun of you now,
are they?Copy !req
38. No, they are not.Copy !req
39. Can I get a "ham, girl"?Copy !req
40. Ham, girl!Copy !req
41. You know, I don't know
if that was a good one.Copy !req
42. And there it is,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
43. From community college
to something
a little bit better.Copy !req
44. Turn it off.
Ben Chang is on
a rocketshipCopy !req
45. to eternal validation.Copy !req
46. Turn it off.Copy !req
47. Thanks so much for...Copy !req
48. Well, it's been three weeks.
I'm having his car towed.Copy !req
49. Here you go.Copy !req
50. To Chang.
May your success be briefCopy !req
51. and your colds
last months.Copy !req
52. Jeff.Copy !req
53. Hey, you get out
of GreendaleCopy !req
54. or you get me in your corner.
You don't get both.Copy !req
55. Ham, girl.
Mmm.Copy !req
56. Who would've predicted
Chang becoming famous?Copy !req
57. Technically, I did,
remember?Copy !req
58. Only I thought
it would be for...
Eating someone.Copy !req
59. Yeah.Copy !req
60. You think
that Spielberg stuff
is really happening?Copy !req
61. How could that happen?Copy !req
62. That would mean
the world was insane.Copy !req
63. Ham, girl.Copy !req
64. Not to be crass,
but there is an upside
to this,Copy !req
65. financially.Copy !req
66. Chang's absence lowers
our insurance premiums 6%.Copy !req
67. There's nothing
but upsides to him leaving.Copy !req
68. I think we all just feel
a little short-changed.Copy !req
69. We invested so much in him
when no one else would.Copy !req
70. Because we all assumed
he was so insaneCopy !req
71. he would die
if we kicked him out.Copy !req
72. And this whole time,
it turns outCopy !req
73. we were holding him back.
We thought he was bedrock,Copy !req
74. but it turns out
he was the ceilingCopy !req
75. of a cavern
filled with us.Copy !req
76. I've already forgotten
his name.Copy !req
77. Did you ever really
know his name?Copy !req
78. The Chinese fellow,
right?Copy !req
79. Whose name was
some kind of noise?Copy !req
80. Um, Clang? Blang?
Meringue?Copy !req
81. Looks like I'm the only one
that's not glad he's gone.Copy !req
82. At least I can finally clear
some space on my hard drive.Copy !req
83. Oh, Leonard's been in there
for a while,Copy !req
84. but I can stand guard
if you want to use
the women's room.Copy !req
85. No, I mean,
I was shooting a movie
with ChangCopy !req
86. before he booked
"ham, girl."
Oh.Copy !req
87. I haven't heard from since,
so I assume the footage
is useless.Copy !req
88. Did he sign a release form?
Sure.Copy !req
89. I make all my actors sign
releases before we do
anything.Copy !req
90. You never know
who is going to...Copy !req
91. The school owns
a movie starring
the "ham, girl" guy.Copy !req
92. Soon to be Spielberg's
"ham, girl" guy.Copy !req
93. There's no way
to finish it though.Copy !req
94. Okay, Abed, what have I
told you about quitting?Copy !req
95. That it's sometimes
the only way to survive.Copy !req
96. Well...Copy !req
97. Don't forget
I said "sometimes."Copy !req
98. Yolanda,
the mayor's up my ass.Copy !req
99. I want justice.
Get him in here!Copy !req
100. Is that right?
Should I be angry?Copy !req
101. The film's hero
is Police Justice.Copy !req
102. I had a real-life former cop
help me with the dialog.Copy !req
103. I'm gonna punch you
in the heart!Copy !req
104. Real-life former cops
aren't great with dialog.Copy !req
105. I don't think police
should be heroes.Copy !req
106. Britta, pay your rent.Copy !req
107. Sorry, Abed. Okay,
I need more information.Copy !req
108. You know,
what's my motivation?Copy !req
109. Am I married?
I need more to go on.Copy !req
110. Can we get lunch?
Okay, cut.Copy !req
111. That's about all we got.
Chang found out
the McRib was backCopy !req
112. and we lost
the rest of the day.Copy !req
113. Great actor,
huge McRib problem.Copy !req
114. Everybody,Copy !req
115. this is my friend
I told you about, Maury.Copy !req
116. He's a genuine Hollywood
film producerCopy !req
117. whose doctor ordered him
to live in ColoradoCopy !req
118. due to a medical condition.
Tell them what you told me.Copy !req
119. Yeah, my blood nitrogen
levels are through the roof.Copy !req
120. Most of the time, I ca...
Oh, no, no, the other thing.Copy !req
121. Oh, right.Copy !req
122. If you can cut together
an 81 minute movieCopy !req
123. that arguably stars
the "ham, girl" guy,Copy !req
124. I can guarantee distribution
and a fast turnaround deal.Copy !req
125. People do it all the time
with old footageCopy !req
126. from recently famous actors.Copy !req
127. Have you seen Vin Diesel
in 1996's Happy Pants?Copy !req
128. No.
Yeah, I have.Copy !req
129. Well, neither has
Vin Diesel,Copy !req
130. but his roommate
from film school
saw 500 grand.Copy !req
131. But I can't just
burn up my cop drama.Copy !req
132. It's my only chance
at the mainstream success
I needCopy !req
133. before I'm allowed to make
weird stuff for money.Copy !req
134. It's my American Graffiti,
my Alpha Man,Copy !req
135. my Four Rooms,
the Robert Rodriguez segment.Copy !req
136. Well, why does it have to be
a police movie?Copy !req
137. People don't even like
police now.Copy !req
138. They like dinosaurs,
they like aliens,Copy !req
139. and anything else
that Chris Pratt
can join forces with.Copy !req
140. I have three minutes
of footage,
and he's clearlyCopy !req
141. a police chief
behind a desk in New York.Copy !req
142. Is he?
Or is it Space York?Copy !req
143. Or is it a dinosaur desk?Copy !req
144. How do I know?
Just add some CG.Copy !req
145. That's what they do
with Chris Pratt.Copy !req
146. They put him in
a regular scene and then
they add some gagoos.Copy !req
147. I have a few CG models
of some gagoos.Copy !req
148. I got fired
from a mouthwash commercial,Copy !req
149. but I successfully
won back the rightsCopy !req
150. to my gingivitis monster.Copy !req
151. Also, I don't know
if it helps, but when
I moved into my RV,Copy !req
152. I found this.Copy !req
153. Now, you notice
anything strange?Copy !req
154. There's no green 3
in billiards.Copy !req
155. Now, there's a green 6
and a green 14,Copy !req
156. but never a green 3.Copy !req
157. So, what sport is this from?
And why was it in my RV?Copy !req
158. Anyway, I can do some CG
for the movie.Copy !req
159. You'll need
a Chris Pratt type.Copy !req
160. I'll do it if I have to.
I can slouch.Copy !req
161. I can't believe you guys
are the ones pitching me thisCopy !req
162. and I can't believe
I'm saying no.Copy !req
163. You're not saying no.Copy !req
164. I mean, legally
I can't force you,Copy !req
165. but I can do
a morning announcementCopy !req
166. that'll make everyone
hate you forever.Copy !req
167. Technically, Abed,
you would be robbing
the schoolCopy !req
168. for $1/2 million
by not making this movie.Copy !req
169. But what movie?Copy !req
170. Have you not been listening?Copy !req
171. The movie about
the "ham, girl" guyCopy !req
172. in his space office
fighting some gagoosCopy !req
173. led by a Chris Pratt typeCopy !req
174. played by Jeffery
without his shirt.Copy !req
175. It shoots this weekend.Copy !req
176. Yeah.Copy !req
177. Okay, but I get final cut
and it has to be a good movie.Copy !req
178. Agreed, but you have to
finish that cut by Monday,Copy !req
179. even if it's bad.
I agree to that,Copy !req
180. but it has to be good
by my standards.Copy !req
181. Absolutely, and also,
if it's terrible,Copy !req
182. nobody will notice or care.Copy !req
183. And you guys are all
gonna help me?Copy !req
184. And we're gonna
make a good movie?Copy !req
185. Definitely, or a bad one.
Probably a bad one.Copy !req
186. I think we're all
on the same page.Copy !req
187. I guess so.Copy !req
188. So, let's crap out
this piece of crap.Copy !req
189. That attitude concerns me.Copy !req
190. I need more information.Copy !req
191. What's my motivation?Copy !req
192. I need more to go on.Copy !req
193. My name is Chief-Starr!Copy !req
194. And I'm in the stars!Copy !req
195. And I'm the hero.Copy !req
196. I deserve better.Copy !req
197. You're a very gifted pilot,
Chief Starr.Copy !req
198. I'm the Mayor of Outer Space.
Why are we changing course?Copy !req
199. The Mayor's up my ass!Copy !req
200. Father, I love him!Copy !req
201. What in the space?Copy !req
202. Yooba dooba dooba!
We're under attack!Copy !req
203. By whom, GlipGlop?Copy !req
204. Okay, cut.Copy !req
205. Why are we cutting?Copy !req
206. Well, that felt good to me.
Moving on?Copy !req
207. Just a couple adjustments.Copy !req
208. You get two.Copy !req
209. You guys need to move
when the ship gets hit.Copy !req
210. It looks weird
when you stand still,Copy !req
211. and, Britta,
it sounds weird when
you use good grammar.Copy !req
212. My character
can't have good grammar?Copy !req
213. Not in a space battle.Copy !req
214. Because everything else we're
saying sounds really natural,Copy !req
215. like I'm a space senator.
Space Mayor.Copy !req
216. I'm matching your dialog
to what I have from Chang.Copy !req
217. What are my lines?Copy !req
218. You don't have any lines.
You're the backup Chang.Copy !req
219. But we have Chang's footage.Copy !req
220. This shot from that angle
matches the backCopy !req
221. of Chang's shot.
Chang is Chief Starr.Copy !req
222. He's the pilot of a spaceship.Copy !req
223. Britta,
you're Princess Meridian.Copy !req
224. Brittana.
Okay. Jeff is her father,Copy !req
225. the Mayor of Space,
and you guys are under attack.Copy !req
226. Action.Copy !req
227. What in the space?Copy !req
228. Yooba dooba dooba!
We're under attack!Copy !req
229. Okay, cut.
Where you guys
seeing GlipGlop?Copy !req
230. You said GlipGlop
was a tennis ball.Copy !req
231. But Garrett's not GlipGlop?Copy !req
232. If I was GlipGlop,
why would I be holdingCopy !req
233. a tennis ball on a stick?Copy !req
234. Why am I wearing a blouse?Copy !req
235. It's sci-fi.
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
236. Please don't say that.
I know you don't mean that.Copy !req
237. The tennis ball is GlipGlopCopy !req
238. and please stumble
in the same direction.Copy !req
239. Go! Action! Bang!Copy !req
240. What in space?Copy !req
241. Gooba Gooba Gooba!
We're under attack!Copy !req
242. Who by? Who attack?
Me princess.Copy !req
243. The Sporborfians!Copy !req
244. Okay.Copy !req
245. I'm ready.
Are you ready?Copy !req
246. Are we rolling?Copy !req
247. Are we rolling?Copy !req
248. We're rolling-a!Copy !req
249. Get to the escape pods.Copy !req
250. For real?
You picked that outfit?Copy !req
251. Britta! I...
It's Meridian. Keep going.Copy !req
252. Insane.
And what is your name,Copy !req
253. Exploitia?
Scorpio Nine.Copy !req
254. I'm a pleasure droid.Copy !req
255. No.
I'm an assassin?Copy !req
256. You're both. Keep going.
She was a pleasure droid.Copy !req
257. She got turned
into an assassin.
She's my other daughter.Copy !req
258. That's your sister.Copy !req
259. Get to the escape pods!Copy !req
260. And then we go!
This way.Copy !req
261. Check on Chief Starr,
Jeff.Copy !req
262. Chief Starr?
What?Copy !req
263. I'll see you in hell.Copy !req
264. What?Copy !req
265. Mayor,
your ass is grass!Copy !req
266. Okay, cut.Copy !req
267. There are some things
that we could...Copy !req
268. Okay, moving on, people!Copy !req
269. Okay, moving on!Copy !req
270. Next shot...
Space station faculty lounge.Copy !req
271. Thank you.
Abed,Copy !req
272. we need to move
a little faster, I think.Copy !req
273. Can I just explain something
as a filmmaker?Copy !req
274. I wish you wouldn't.
I wish you would lookCopy !req
275. at what I was wearing
and let that beCopy !req
276. all the explanation
you needCopy !req
277. about where our standards
should be.Copy !req
278. But do you understand
that sci-fi films
aren't usuallyCopy !req
279. improvised over a weekendCopy !req
280. with a cast and crew
that doesn't care?Copy !req
281. We care about finishing,Copy !req
282. and this has to be finished
by Monday,Copy !req
283. so you back into a level
of quality from there.Copy !req
284. Let me use a metaphor
I can understand.Copy !req
285. Every day, I work out.Copy !req
286. Really?
Yes,Copy !req
287. because I'm not an artist
like you,Copy !req
288. but this is
a kind of canvas.Copy !req
289. I work on it with equipment,Copy !req
290. but I will never
really be done.
Could be if you wanted.Copy !req
291. I mean, you're fine...
This will never be done.Copy !req
292. Chris Pratt's never
gonna stop, is he?Copy !req
293. He'll always be out there
mocking me.Copy !req
294. So I can never stop,
just like you'll
never stopCopy !req
295. making movies.Copy !req
296. But I don't stay on
one treadmill my
entire lifeCopy !req
297. staring at commercials
for movies with
Chris Pratt.Copy !req
298. I take my work
into the world.Copy !req
299. I "premier" it.Copy !req
300. I share with the public.Copy !req
301. Don't stay in the gym,
Abed.Copy !req
302. Get this session done,
get out there,Copy !req
303. and get your shirt off.
Got it?Copy !req
304. Yes?Copy !req
305. Yes.Copy !req
306. I'm ready.
Let's do this.Copy !req
307. I understand you're looking
for your friend.Copy !req
308. Yeah.
I'm Minotaur Man.Copy !req
309. What?
Friends are hard to come byCopy !req
310. in space.
You'd better take this...Copy !req
311. For protection.Copy !req
312. The sound you hear coming
from that gun I gave youCopy !req
313. is 40,000 hyper watts
of laser.Copy !req
314. Oh, don't...
Don't worry about that.Copy !req
315. I can put that back.Copy !req
316. Sometimes my eye falls off
because I'm a robot.Copy !req
317. Ahh!
Watch out!Copy !req
318. Ahh!Copy !req
319. How about this bar?Copy !req
320. Everyone here is
so accustomed to violence.Copy !req
321. I need...
I need to know...Copy !req
322. Where your friends are?
Yeah.Copy !req
323. I'm sorry,
but you're not gonna
like this.Copy !req
324. Your friends have been
taken prisoner by Master...Copy !req
325. Master... Dracula.Copy !req
326. Wild West, baby,
space version of the
Wild West.Copy !req
327. Cut.Copy !req
328. Okay.Copy !req
329. My eye fell off.Copy !req
330. But I covered.Copy !req
331. Perfect, moving on.
Hallway!Copy !req
332. Yes!Copy !req
333. Ooh, take that!Copy !req
334. A yooba dooba!Copy !req
335. This is crazy.Copy !req
336. Here, let me do this.Copy !req
337. What are you doing?Copy !req
338. You make everything
harder for all women
when you do that.Copy !req
339. I'm improvising!Copy !req
340. Improvise pockets!Copy !req
341. Pay your rent or shut up!Copy !req
342. Laser bomb!Copy !req
343. Yooba dooba dooba!
GlipGlop like!Copy !req
344. Yooba dooba dooba.Copy !req
345. Yooba dooba dooba.
Yooba dooba dooba.Copy !req
346. So the robot
also says "Yooba dooba"?Copy !req
347. I'm not complaining.
It's just that everyoneCopy !req
348. who's not a person
is saying "Yooba dooba."Copy !req
349. Maybe it's because
I'm a spy!Copy !req
350. He's a spy!Copy !req
351. I'm an evil spy!Copy !req
352. Shoot GlipGlop!
He's a spy!Copy !req
353. Ahh!Copy !req
354. GlipGlop's a spy?Copy !req
355. We went with it.Copy !req
356. Okay. Shot. Shot.Copy !req
357. Okay, now that...
Now that's he's dead,Copy !req
358. and there's one robot left,
let's go through the thing!Copy !req
359. Go.Copy !req
360. Yooba dooba dooba.
Yooba dooba dooba.Copy !req
361. Yooba dooba dooba.Copy !req
362. Whoa! Ahh!Copy !req
363. Argh.Copy !req
364. Space garbage.Copy !req
365. Look!Copy !req
366. Oh, we're gonna get crushed.
Ahh!Copy !req
367. And is there a monster?Copy !req
368. Ahh.Copy !req
369. But so what?
We're gonna get crushed.Copy !req
370. Uh... I love you?Copy !req
371. I love you.Copy !req
372. That's your daughter.
You're my daughter.Copy !req
373. Yeah, you said
we were sisters, dumb-ass.Copy !req
374. That's hot.Copy !req
375. It's like "Chinatown"
in space.
Oh.Copy !req
376. And I'm the hero?Copy !req
377. Yay!Copy !req
378. Let's do this.Copy !req
379. Yeah!
They're saved!Copy !req
380. I feel the Force.Copy !req
381. What?Copy !req
382. I don't feel the Force.
I'm not allowed to.Copy !req
383. What do I feel?Copy !req
384. I feel Dracula Force.Copy !req
385. I feel Dracula signals.Copy !req
386. Your ass is mine!Copy !req
387. That last stunt you pulled
put six of my best guysCopy !req
388. in the hospital,
maniac.Copy !req
389. I'm more than a maniac.Copy !req
390. I'm Dracula.Copy !req
391. Jesus Chr...
Jesus Christ!Copy !req
392. Oh, my God!
Jesus Christ,
they shot him!Copy !req
393. Who am I?Copy !req
394. What's my motivation?Copy !req
395. Why am I doing
or saying anything
I'm saying or doing?Copy !req
396. I need more...Copy !req
397. I need more
than what I'm getting.Copy !req
398. Oh! It's incredible!
Oh.Copy !req
399. It's incredible!
Congratulations!Copy !req
400. Oh, how long is it?Copy !req
401. Uh, 87 minutes.Copy !req
402. Get it to 8-1.
That means 81.Copy !req
403. I'll make some calls,
we'll premier this thing,Copy !req
404. and we'll get your school
a check.Copy !req
405. Whoa!Copy !req
406. So, which six minutes
should we cut?Copy !req
407. Hoo. Uh...Copy !req
408. Jeff's death scene
probably, right?Copy !req
409. Oh.
Yeah.Copy !req
410. Mine?
Yeah, in the space dungeon?
There's no Chang in that.Copy !req
411. How long is Jeff's
death scene?Copy !req
412. Yeah, how long is it?
We're really zeroing
in on it.Copy !req
413. Do you think I'm frightened?Copy !req
414. These chains were forged
from the iron of Ganymede.Copy !req
415. I'm not gonna tell you
where he is.Copy !req
416. I'd rather die.Copy !req
417. Mmm, seems pretty important,
he doesn't give up Chang.Copy !req
418. I mean, otherwise the last
thing he says to him is,
"I'll see you in hell."Copy !req
419. Uh...Copy !req
420. It's not really
a movie about him.Copy !req
421. Yeah.
Well, what about
your steel drum solo?Copy !req
422. Oh.
Oh, I don't think
we should lose that.Copy !req
423. Well, what about
the weird wedding ritualCopy !req
424. on GlipGlop's planet, huh?Copy !req
425. Um, okay,Copy !req
426. let's not throw out
the baby with the
bathwater.Copy !req
427. We're not cutting
a frame of GlipGlop.Copy !req
428. I mean, that's like
cutting cowboy out of
"Midnight Cowboy."Copy !req
429. Jeff's death scene is
6 minutes, 30 seconds.Copy !req
430. Oh, perfect.
There you go. That's it.Copy !req
431. Okay, cool.
Easy enough.Copy !req
432. Um, should we,
before we finish editing,Copy !req
433. should we get those hornets
out of the garbage?Copy !req
434. The swarming hornets?Copy !req
435. Oh!Copy !req
436. Is that serious?
Is he doing a bit?Copy !req
437. That's a long bit.Copy !req
438. Oh, he's serious.Copy !req
439. I mean, let's face it.Copy !req
440. It's pretty obvious
when he's acting.Copy !req
441. Oh...Copy !req
442. Let's do this.Copy !req
443. Yo, yo, yo.
Howdy.Copy !req
444. Welcome to Kyle Beiderman's
editing tutorials.Copy !req
445. I'm Kyle Beiderman.
Yeah, that Kyle Beiderman.Copy !req
446. Leave me alone, Abed.Copy !req
447. Once I watch this tutorial
on how editing works,Copy !req
448. I'm gonna save this movie
without removing its soul.Copy !req
449. Step one, how to correctly
label your files.Copy !req
450. No, no, who cares
about labeling files?Copy !req
451. Teach me to edit.Copy !req
452. What the hell was that?Copy !req
453. You stay away.
This is my movie too!Copy !req
454. It's not even a movie, Jeff.
It's a piece of crap.Copy !req
455. That doesn't mean
it can't be good.Copy !req
456. It's basically
exactly what it means.Copy !req
457. You stay away, Abed.
I'm not kidding.Copy !req
458. I'm huge and I have
zero blood sugar.Copy !req
459. I will kill you
in these FrisbeesCopy !req
460. and nobody will ever
find you!Copy !req
461. Okay, so now
let's get familiar
with the user interface.Copy !req
462. No!
Just teach me to edit!Copy !req
463. Bazinga!Copy !req
464. Ahh!Copy !req
465. Ahh!
I'm going to kill you!Copy !req
466. You're killing me!
I told you!Copy !req
467. No, I mean you're
literally killing me.Copy !req
468. For real?
Yes.Copy !req
469. Are you nuts?
What is wrong with you?Copy !req
470. Every single one of you
is gonna leave here
except for me.Copy !req
471. Troy, Shirley,
Annie's gonna be president.Copy !req
472. Even Pierce got to die.Copy !req
473. If Chang goes to Hollywood,Copy !req
474. so we force you
to make the crappiest movie
of all time,Copy !req
475. and then we force you
to make it even crappierCopy !req
476. and we watch it
and it's still not even
that bad.Copy !req
477. And the part I accidentally
got the most excited aboutCopy !req
478. is the seven minutes
we can cut.Copy !req
479. Do you know what that means?Copy !req
480. It means I'm a genius,
but we already knew that.Copy !req
481. I finally know
in my heartCopy !req
482. that I will literally be
the last one of us here.Copy !req
483. And I know they gave
digital muscles to
Chris PrattCopy !req
484. in Guardians of The Galaxy.Copy !req
485. I watched Parks and Rec.
I watched it.Copy !req
486. Hmm.
There's no scientific
explanation for how...Copy !req
487. Jeff.Copy !req
488. You helped me learn something
about filmmaking todayCopy !req
489. that I think we all need
to apply to life.Copy !req
490. It's okay to plan some stuff
and it's okayCopy !req
491. to figure out
what we did wrong,Copy !req
492. but our plans
are randomly gonna
fall apartCopy !req
493. and our lessons
are randomly gonna be wrong,Copy !req
494. and if we just keep
the cameras rolling
and shoot a lot of crap,Copy !req
495. eventually, Annie is
going to reach down
her shirtCopy !req
496. and pull out a laser bomb.Copy !req
497. I didn't write that.Copy !req
498. We didn't plan that.Copy !req
499. God made that happen.Copy !req
500. God made this movie.Copy !req
501. And it's dumb.Copy !req
502. And we're dumb
for being in it.Copy !req
503. Life is a big, dumb,
pointless movie
with no storyCopy !req
504. and an abrupt ending
where the hero gets shot
by DraculaCopy !req
505. in the middle
of a lunch order during
an outtake,Copy !req
506. but somewhere in there,
every once in a while...Copy !req
507. Annie reaches
down her shirt.Copy !req
508. So we keep the cameras
rolling.Copy !req
509. And we edit out the parts
we don't like,Copy !req
510. and we stop thinking
about Chris Pratt so muchCopy !req
511. because it is not healthy.Copy !req
512. Will you do me a favor?Copy !req
513. I never tell anybody
about our private
conversations.Copy !req
514. I wouldn't really know how.Copy !req
515. Let's cut my stupid scene
out of this piece of crap.Copy !req
516. But then won't we need
to add 30 seconds?Copy !req
517. I have an idea about that.Copy !req
518. Who am I?Copy !req
519. What's my motivation?Copy !req
520. Why am I doing or saying
anything I'm saying or doing?Copy !req
521. I need more...Copy !req
522. I need more than
what I'm getting.Copy !req
523. Hello, Chief Starr.Copy !req
524. I told you
I'd see you in hell.Copy !req
525. And look
who else is here.Copy !req
526. Yooba dooba dooba!Copy !req
527. Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
528. Oh, great job, you guys,
on the new ending.Copy !req
529. I like that the guy
actually saw him in hell.Copy !req
530. Right?Copy !req
531. Whoa, whoa.
Hold on, phone call,Copy !req
532. from the distributor.Copy !req
533. Get ready
for a big check.Copy !req
534. Yellow?Copy !req
535. Wait.
Calm down.Copy !req
536. What's Chapter 11?Copy !req
537. Wait, what's YouTube?Copy !req
538. Wait, what's broadband?Copy !req
539. What's digital?Copy !req
540. I don't have a good
feeling about that call.Copy !req
541. I don't have a good
feeling about Chang
staying bankable.Copy !req
542. Did you guys see
this new story?Copy !req
543. I'll never look
at a hot air balloonCopy !req
544. in the same way again
or James Franco's ball.Copy !req
545. I'll tell you what I do have
a good feeling about.Copy !req
546. Bring it in.
Aww.Copy !req
547. Come here, guys.
Aww.Copy !req
548. Do to thing.
Dooba. Dooba. Dooba.Copy !req
549. Dooba. Dooba. Dooba.Copy !req
550. All right,
one more for safety, Ben.Copy !req
551. What do you mean,
"One more for safety"?Copy !req
552. I just don't know
if we got the line,
"Hold on, Slinky."Copy !req
553. Let's move on.Copy !req
554. I think,
can we get one more?Copy !req
555. You got it. Come on.Copy !req
556. Hold on, Slinky!
Let's go.Copy !req
557. I think it was fine,
but Steven's kind
of a stickler.Copy !req
558. Tell Steven Spielberg
to lick my butt.Copy !req
559. Well, he's right here,
so...Copy !req
560. Hey, Steven... Spielberg.Copy !req
561. Can you give us a sec?Copy !req
562. Yes.Copy !req
563. Ben?
Yup?Copy !req
564. So, I guess
we're good for today.Copy !req
565. Great job.
You were right.Copy !req
566. We got everything we need,Copy !req
567. and there's a small door
in the back.Copy !req
568. Back of the booth there,
that will take you,Copy !req
569. you know, outside,
and we'll talk soon.Copy !req
570. I don't go the way I came?Copy !req
571. You do not.Copy !req
572. There's a little door
back there.Copy !req
573. And it goes right on out.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
574. Okay.Copy !req
575. Okay.Copy !req
576. Okay, Randall,
are you ready?
Yup.Copy !req
577. Which brings us
to the issueCopy !req
578. of our cosmetology
department,Copy !req
579. who, once again,
find themselves...Copy !req
580. Who, once again,Copy !req
581. find themselves nearing
the end of the semesterCopy !req
582. without any free haircut
volunteers.Copy !req
583. That may be due to last
semester's lice scare.Copy !req
584. Totally. Yep.Copy !req
585. Maybe if we put up a sign,
"No lice."Copy !req
586. Something like that.Copy !req
587. That would open you up
to lawsuits.Copy !req
588. Son, we live in a world
that has walls,
and those wallsCopy !req
589. have to be guarded
by men with hair clippers.Copy !req
590. Pink Floyd.
Ugh.Copy !req
591. You're the worst.Copy !req
592. What?
Oh, she is the worst.Copy !req
593. Terrible.
I can't believe
she said that.Copy !req
594. Have you seen any movies?
Any one movie?Copy !req
595. Unrelated thought.
We're all enjoying...Copy !req
596. Britta's the worst!Copy !req