1. Okay, we'll get
an estimate
on adding grassCopy !req
2. To the soccer field.Copy !req
3. Good meeting.Copy !req
4. Oh, jeff,
what time's dinner?Copy !req
5. Uh, dinner?Copy !req
6. Jeff, you didn't
invite shirley?Copy !req
7. Well, it's Tuesday.Copy !req
8. Shirley always goes
to elijah's karate practice
on tuesdays.Copy !req
9. It's okay.Copy !req
10. Part of making sacrifices
for my loved onesCopy !req
11. Is not expecting
my loved ones
to make sacrifices.Copy !req
12. Aw.Copy !req
13. I can do tomorrow.
I can'tCopy !req
14. I'm free on fridays
and mondays...Copy !req
15. we're not moving it!Copy !req
16. When shirley
can have dinner,
we'll have another dinner,Copy !req
17. Because it's just dinner.Copy !req
18. And there's no need
to manipulate each other.Copy !req
19. You know
that's what you do.Copy !req
20. You know
you're doing it nowCopy !req
21. With that face.Copy !req
22. You don't like my face?Copy !req
23. Aw!Copy !req
24. Hello,
save greendale committee.Copy !req
25. This is david and bixel.Copy !req
26. They're app designers.Copy !req
27. They'd like to beta testCopy !req
28. Their latest
social-networking app
on our campus,Copy !req
29. Which could be
good for us.Copy !req
30. Look what facebook
did for harvard, right?Copy !req
31. Hey, guys.
Bixel and I would
like to introduce youCopy !req
32. To a little app called
meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
33. Ooh.Copy !req
34. Meowmeowbeenz lets you sayCopy !req
35. How much you like,Copy !req
36. Who you like,Copy !req
37. When you like,Copy !req
38. All from a standard
non-boost mobile phone.Copy !req
39. Let's see how it works.Copy !req
40. Bixel, what did you
think of the way
the dean introduced us?Copy !req
41. I thought he did great.Copy !req
42. That's why I'm giving him
five meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
43. aw.Copy !req
44. Well, bixel, I'm sorry,Copy !req
45. But I thought his intro
was just okay.Copy !req
46. That's why
I'm gonna give himCopy !req
47. Two out of
five meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
48. my meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
49. With meowmeowbeenz,
students can rate teachers.Copy !req
50. Teachers can rate students.Copy !req
51. Everyone and anyone
can rate each other.Copy !req
52. Meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
53. You know...Copy !req
54. I could...Copy !req
55. I fought for this country,Copy !req
56. And I know you don't get
to pick and chooseCopy !req
57. The parts you fight for,
but I know...Copy !req
58. I should go
number two soon.Copy !req
59. ♪ give me some rope
tie me to dreamCopy !req
60. ♪ give me the hope
to run out of steamCopy !req
61. ♪ somebody said
it can be hereCopy !req
62. ♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a yearCopy !req
63. ♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stayCopy !req
64. ♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪Copy !req
65. Hurry up! I'm late
for human rights class.Copy !req
66. I'm sorry.Copy !req
67. Why is star-burns carrying
garrett's books?Copy !req
68. It's like toast bossing
crackers around.Copy !req
69. I mean, I guess.Copy !req
70. Garrett's got
three meowmeowbeenz.
Star- burns is a two.Copy !req
71. Are you telling me
people are actually
using this stupid app?Copy !req
72. It's addictively effective.
No, it's effectively stupid.Copy !req
73. There already was
a rating system
in place calledCopy !req
74. "cool people get more,"
and it was working fine.Copy !req
75. Meowmeowbeenz takes
everything subjective
and unspokenCopy !req
76. About human interaction
and reduces itCopy !req
77. To explicit,
objective numbers.Copy !req
78. I've never felt
more alive.Copy !req
79. As long as you're happy,
I'm unsettled.Copy !req
80. hey, guys.Copy !req
81. What happened to you?Copy !req
82. I sat on a toilet so long,
my feet fell asleep,Copy !req
83. Then I noticed limping
was getting meowmeowbeenz,Copy !req
84. So I just kind of
started committing.Copy !req
85. Did you understand
a word he said?
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
86. Hey, here you go.Copy !req
87. Here you go.Copy !req
88. Nobody is gonna
down-vote a guy
on his birthday.Copy !req
89. Wait. Are you using
meowmeowbeenz?Copy !req
90. If you can't kill it,
join it.Copy !req
91. When you get older,
you're gonna see
the warning signs.Copy !req
92. Mark zuckerberg
is fidel castro
in flip-flops.Copy !req
93. Meowmeowbeenz is
gonna make east berlin
look like woodstock.Copy !req
94. You take my word for that.Copy !req
95. Do you own stock
in trivial pursuit's
baby boom edition?Copy !req
96. Britta.
What...Copy !req
97. Please tell me
you're not using this app.Copy !req
98. Uh, I liked
the idea at first,Copy !req
99. Giving a voice
to the unheard,Copy !req
100. But then annie
just told meCopy !req
101. That the rating system
is exponentially weighted.Copy !req
102. As your ratings go up,Copy !req
103. Your ratings
of other people
become more important.Copy !req
104. No.Copy !req
105. It just means
the more others like you,Copy !req
106. The more likeable
you can make others.
It makes sense to me.Copy !req
107. You know who else
it made sense to?Copy !req
108. Say "hitler" one more time,
and I'm giving you a two.Copy !req
109. Jeff, are you
not registered?Copy !req
110. The longer you wait,
the harder it's gonna be
to get your number up.Copy !req
111. Annie!Copy !req
112. Listen to yourself.Copy !req
113. You're learning
its language.Copy !req
114. You're letting a video game
play you.Copy !req
115. I got to set
these people straight.Copy !req
116. Hey, hey, uh...Copy !req
117. Students of greendale!Copy !req
118. We don't have to worship
a calculator!Copy !req
119. There is no formula
for people!Copy !req
120. oh.Copy !req
121. You're punishing me
for being alive!Copy !req
122. That's the general idea,
baby.Copy !req
123. You're gonna think
I'm joking,Copy !req
124. But you were getting
through to me moreCopy !req
125. With mustard on your lip.
Oh, shut up.Copy !req
126. He's not kidding, britta.
I thought I was imagining it.Copy !req
127. When you had mustard
on your lip,Copy !req
128. I was more open
to your opinion.Copy !req
129. Maybe it dilutes
or distracts from
your excessive intensity.Copy !req
130. Maybe it dilutes
or distracts from
your stupid butt.Copy !req
131. Hmm.Copy !req
132. How you doing, rog?Copy !req
133. Hey, charlotte.
I see what you did there.Copy !req
134. vicki, I love this.Copy !req
135. Shirley's a five.Copy !req
136. How?Copy !req
137. She's nice to people, jeff.
You know shirley.Copy !req
138. Oh, vicki, thank you.Copy !req
139. Did you just give me
four meowmeowbeenz?Copy !req
140. Um...Copy !req
141. I love my four from vicki.Copy !req
142. No!Copy !req
143. Stop it!Copy !req
144. I didn't mean it.Copy !req
145. Yeah.Copy !req
146. I do know shirley.Copy !req
147. oh!Copy !req
148. We should be
having brownies.Copy !req
149. I'm going
to help shirley.Copy !req
150. Not a bad idea
for you, britta.Copy !req
151. She could make you
a two again.Copy !req
152. Screw your twos,
and screw meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
153. I know that's
your one talking.Copy !req
154. What are you doing?Copy !req
155. Registering
for meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
156. I'm gonna become a five
and expose this thing
for the sham it is.Copy !req
157. Oh, now you're speaking
my language.Copy !req
158. That's unintentional,
trust me.
Mmm.Copy !req
159. Just make sure
you know the real reason
you're doing something,Copy !req
160. Or you'll fail
before you start.Copy !req
161. That's actually
a good point.Copy !req
162. It is? Why?Copy !req
163. Oh, come on!Copy !req
164. So I'm like,
"that's two cups,"
and she's like, "what?"Copy !req
165. I'm like, "two cups,
balls back, tops off."Copy !req
166. All right, trent, mulch,Copy !req
167. Dave, herpie, clutch,
dirt mouth, rope,Copy !req
168. Tingles, catwoman, steve.Copy !req
169. All right, keep it floppy.Copy !req
170. Haul it, ball it,
never call it.Copy !req
171. Girls are objects.Copy !req
172. Yeah!Copy !req
173. two meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
174. Congratulations.Copy !req
175. Abed was just explainingCopy !req
176. That the fives
get to chooseCopy !req
177. What setting
the air conditioning is on.Copy !req
178. Yep.Copy !req
179. Is it me,
or are more people
wearing gray.Copy !req
180. I feel like I'm
in a commercial,Copy !req
181. And someone's about
to hand me a starburst.Copy !req
182. Threes and twos
tend to wear
neutral colors.Copy !req
183. Looking like
you want to move up
can get you moved down.Copy !req
184. Abed, hey.Copy !req
185. Hi. Come on.
Come here.Copy !req
186. Those are other threes.Copy !req
187. We talk about how we're glad
we're not twos.Copy !req
188. Small talk, guys.Copy !req
189. I make small talk now.Copy !req
190. Hello, jeffrey.Copy !req
191. I see you decided
to join meowmeowbeenz.Copy !req
192. Oh, it's a great tool
for living.Copy !req
193. You look great.Copy !req
194. You look great.Copy !req
195. You know what you're doing.Copy !req
196. You know what you're doing.Copy !req
197. I'm watching you, okay?Copy !req
198. Mmm, mmm.
Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
199. Yeah, you'll be watching
my hinder, mama,Copy !req
200. And choking on
its billowing plume
of highly rated dust.Copy !req
201. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
202. Fours and above only.Copy !req
203. These are snacks
for the fives.Copy !req
204. Yeah? You're a two.Copy !req
205. Leonard, would you rather
a three serve the fives food?Copy !req
206. No.Copy !req
207. It is no secretCopy !req
208. That the threes and twosCopy !req
209. Are growing suspicious
of the fours and fives.Copy !req
210. All I know
is that it's my birthday.Copy !req
211. What if we give
these peopleCopy !req
212. Something to
believe in again?Copy !req
213. Koogler?Copy !req
214. Hey. I know what you guys
think of me, okay?Copy !req
215. "hey, it's koogler."Copy !req
216. You know. "he's cool."Copy !req
217. "he likes to get laid.
He's not that old."Copy !req
218. But I'm a fiveCopy !req
219. Because I know
what the twos and
the threes need.Copy !req
220. What do we all need?Copy !req
221. Entertainment.Copy !req
222. A talent show.Copy !req
223. An event where threes
and twos can rise and fall.Copy !req
224. It helps people
believe in the system.Copy !req
225. Give my spot
to someone else.
I don't want to be a five.Copy !req
226. I was happy as a three.
I'm miserable.Copy !req
227. Oh, dear abed.Copy !req
228. So humble.Copy !req
229. You people are monsters.Copy !req
230. Well, if there's
nothing else, then...Copy !req
231. Speak.Copy !req
232. Headline items...Copy !req
233. A few twos broke into
a supply closetCopy !req
234. And stole a box
of peanut butter.Copy !req
235. The futurization
of the campus decor
is almost complete.Copy !req
236. And a few hours ago,
jeff winger became a four.Copy !req
237. That's nice.Copy !req
238. You there, girl.Copy !req
239. How many meowmeowbeenz?Copy !req
240. two!Copy !req
241. Two? Are you lost, two?Copy !req
242. Yes. Are you lost, two?Copy !req
243. I'll escort her
to the common area.Copy !req
244. You're a four?Copy !req
245. I don't recognize you.Copy !req
246. He's new beenz.Copy !req
247. Bye-bye, new beenz.Copy !req
248. threes and twos must leave
building one after 7:00.Copy !req
249. Building one after 7:00
is fours only.Copy !req
250. What are you doing here?Copy !req
251. How goes the revolution?Copy !req
252. I can't break a four.Copy !req
253. It's impossible
to get any higherCopy !req
254. Without half the fives
in your corner.Copy !req
255. They got this thing
locked up.Copy !req
256. Yeah, but they're nervous.Copy !req
257. They're hosting
a talent showCopy !req
258. To prove that anyone
can be a five.Copy !req
259. If you enter it,
you'll be center stage
with all eyes on you,Copy !req
260. And you can tell everyone
this isn't democracy.Copy !req
261. This is tyranny.Copy !req
262. I'm sorry.
Can you put some mustard...Copy !req
263. I shouldn't have
to put mustard on my face
for this to make sense.Copy !req
264. You know we have to take
this system down.Copy !req
265. You know...Copy !req
266. I once loved a two.Copy !req
267. matthew...Copy !req
268. He was my everything.Copy !req
269. But numbers change.Copy !req
270. I'll keep your secret,
new beenz.Copy !req
271. It says you're next.Copy !req
272. Now, jeffrey, I beg you
not to take this risk.Copy !req
273. You know what they say.Copy !req
274. Fives have lives,
fours have chores,Copy !req
275. Threes have fleas,
twos have blues,Copy !req
276. And ones don't get a rhyme
because they're garbage.Copy !req
277. Craig, I got this.Copy !req
278. No!Copy !req
279. no, please!Copy !req
280. Not the outlands!Copy !req
281. Please!Copy !req
282. Boo on you!Copy !req
283. The fives have spoken!Copy !req
284. And you, uh...Copy !req
285. Are not very good and...Copy !req
286. what?Copy !req
287. No! Please!Copy !req
288. I'm just not very good
at public speaking and...Copy !req
289. Last chance, jeffrey.Copy !req
290. Showtime.Copy !req
291. My name is jeff winger.Copy !req
292. I recently became a four.Copy !req
293. Funny thing is,Copy !req
294. When I was a two,Copy !req
295. I didn't actually have
any less.Copy !req
296. But I did have
a lot of crazy friends.Copy !req
297. hey, my name's
tommy talouca.Copy !req
298. I'm from hallway c.
I'm a two!Copy !req
299. I got to get
to the cafeteriaCopy !req
300. Before they run out
of apples!Copy !req
301. What is with twos
and apples?Copy !req
302. You're given
three kinds of fruit.Copy !req
303. Mix it up.Copy !req
304. Then you become a four.Copy !req
305. And you get that, uh...
That four walk.Copy !req
306. You know what
I'm talking about?
It's like this.Copy !req
307. It's like one of these.Copy !req
308. And they got a little trail
of twos behind them,Copy !req
309. And they're like
"hey, is there
an apple up there?"Copy !req
310. Oh,Copy !req
311. Wow. What else
is going on?Copy !req
312. He's killing it.Copy !req
313. there came a timeCopy !req
314. When I has to
aks myself,Copy !req
315. Did I even
want to be a three?Copy !req
316. Or did I just hate myself
for being a two?Copy !req
317. I don't know.Copy !req
318. All I know is...Copy !req
319. I sure do love them apples!Copy !req
320. Oh, the koog approogs.Copy !req
321. That's a five!Copy !req
322. Yeah!Copy !req
323. Meow meow
meow meow meow!Copy !req
324. Review. Review.
Meow meow meow
meow meow!Copy !req
325. Down here, guys.Copy !req
326. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
327. Can I get a picture?Copy !req
328. I want my future kids
to know this happened.Copy !req
329. I admire
your optimism, garrett.Copy !req
330. What the hell?
I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
331. I got this far
because I need
to take shirley down.Copy !req
332. What about
everyone else?
Look around you, britta.Copy !req
333. Everyone wanted this.Copy !req
334. Fives only, ma'am.Copy !req
335. Oh, great. Come on.Copy !req
336. You... You think
this system's
gonna last forever?Copy !req
337. I'm gonna free
people's minds.Copy !req
338. I'm a psych major.
Words are my weapons.Copy !req
339. I'm a security guard.
Weapons are my weapons.Copy !req
340. Welcome, fives,
to the inaugural
fancy future dance.Copy !req
341. I'm glad you don't think
making jeff a five
was a mistakeCopy !req
342. Like everybody else.Copy !req
343. I believe in taking risks.Copy !req
344. Yeah! Jeff's really cool.Copy !req
345. Couldn't help but noticeCopy !req
346. That shirley didn't clap
with the rest of youCopy !req
347. After my performance.Copy !req
348. Is she always so different?Copy !req
349. If you talk to me,
I can't concentrate
on the dance moves.Copy !req
350. You don't believe
the rumors,
do you, koogler,Copy !req
351. That jeff manipulated
his way to the top?Copy !req
352. Shirley, I can hear
what you're saying.Copy !req
353. You're trying to manipulate
someone into thinking
I'm manipulative.Copy !req
354. I'm sure I have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
355. No one ever knows
what you're talking aboutCopy !req
356. Because you never
say what you mean.Copy !req
357. Do you want
to have this conversation,Copy !req
358. Or do you want to just keep
flexing your veiny armsCopy !req
359. And throwing out apples?Copy !req
360. tranquility is advancement.Copy !req
361. A happy three
is a future four.Copy !req
362. Twos and threes,Copy !req
363. You're accepting a life
you don't have to live!Copy !req
364. Stand up for yourselves!Copy !req
365. Really?Copy !req
366. Ugh, fine.Copy !req
367. Give me that.
Hey!Copy !req
368. You're all alive!Copy !req
369. You are all alive!Copy !req
370. Look at the mustard
on my face,
but listen to my words.Copy !req
371. You're one of the angriest,
most vindictive...Copy !req
372. You're the angry one,Copy !req
373. Because the rules
got changed on you, winger.Copy !req
374. You can't just be cool
and be in charge now.Copy !req
375. No, you have to gossip
and give out foodCopy !req
376. And make people feel guilty.Copy !req
377. Okay, yeah. I bust my assCopy !req
378. Making a world
full of selfish idiots
remember my name!Copy !req
379. Fine. Call it hard work,Copy !req
380. But don't tell me
the system measures
who's nice.Copy !req
381. Actually, it kind of does.Copy !req
382. Security, banish them
to the outlandsCopy !req
383. With the rest
of the ones!Copy !req
384. Oh, no!Copy !req
385. Ow!Copy !req
386. Okay, okay, okay.
No! No!Copy !req
387. Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your tray tablesCopy !req
388. In their party positions...Copy !req
389. So sayeth captain koogler.Copy !req
390. Actually,
keep the tray tables
where they are, koogler.Copy !req
391. The rule of the fives
is over!Copy !req
392. Long live the reviewlution!Copy !req
393. no!Copy !req
394. That comes down?Copy !req
395. Okay, okay,
all right, all right,Copy !req
396. All right, all right!
Whoa!Copy !req
397. Happy?
Are you happy?Copy !req
398. Look, I knew you couldn't
go to that stupid dinner.Copy !req
399. That's why
I didn't invite you.Copy !req
400. It's nice
to be invited anyway.Copy !req
401. Sure, if you're
a control freak.Copy !req
402. Oh, and you clearly
hate control.Copy !req
403. No.Copy !req
404. I love it.Copy !req
405. I guess
it's easy to pretendCopy !req
406. That you don't
when you got it.Copy !req
407. You'd think
we'd be better friendsCopy !req
408. Because we're both
such big fans
of the same thing.Copy !req
409. You there! Ones!Copy !req
410. You are permitted
back indoorsCopy !req
411. By decree of britta,
the mother of ones.Copy !req
412. And do I hear correctly
that as a five,Copy !req
413. You felt you could park
in handicap spots?Copy !req
414. Well, you see,
that's just part
of the koogler style.Copy !req
415. It's human crap style.Copy !req
416. Rate him!Copy !req
417. Okay, well, that's low.Copy !req
418. All fives must be cleansed
of their five filthCopy !req
419. And reduced to oneness.Copy !req
420. Jeff. Hey, shirley.Copy !req
421. I'm not a five anymore.Copy !req
422. I'm a one
like everyone else.Copy !req
423. I'm like everyone else.Copy !req
424. Who's next?Copy !req
425. All right,
time to pull the plug.
Mmm.Copy !req
426. Oh, great mother of ones,Copy !req
427. Mustard-faced savior,Copy !req
428. There is still a five
hiding among usCopy !req
429. That has not been cleansed.Copy !req
430. Nonsense.Copy !req
431. All fives
were reduced to onenessCopy !req
432. In the great purge
of about two minutes ago.Copy !req
433. This five cheats.Copy !req
434. It never registered,Copy !req
435. Yet was given a five
from outside the system.Copy !req
436. Behold...Copy !req
437. The meowmeowbeenz app.Copy !req
438. Its beta test
ended days ago.Copy !req
439. It's now available
in the app store...Copy !req
440. 99 cents.Copy !req
441. Five stars.Copy !req
442. This five lied to us,Copy !req
443. Used us, judged us,Copy !req
444. Yet exempts itself
from judgment.Copy !req
445. And I'm pretty sure
it's selling our information
to spammersCopy !req
446. Because I am getting
a lot more email,Copy !req
447. And trust me, my penis
needs no enlargement.Copy !req
448. So how do you cleanse
a five that's unregistered?Copy !req
449. Delete it.Copy !req
450. By the way, guys,
it's a Saturday.Copy !req
451. Um, you're all in school
for nothing.Copy !req
452. Go home and get some sleep.Copy !req
453. No!Copy !req
454. No. Wait.Copy !req
455. No, don't go!
Where are you going?Copy !req
456. No.Copy !req
457. attention, greendale.Copy !req
458. I'd like to propose
we basically forgetCopy !req
459. Everything that happened
over the last few days.Copy !req
460. And I don't anticipate
a lot of pushback on that.Copy !req
461. I think we're
all pretty embarrassed.Copy !req
462. Hey, there.
Oh, hey.Copy !req
463. So I was thinking
about checking out
this new restaurant tonight.Copy !req
464. Oh, that's sweet,
but I can't tonight.Copy !req
465. Not even takeout?Copy !req
466. We could eat
in the study room.Copy !req
467. Oh, I think
I have time for that.Copy !req
468. Jeffrey.Copy !req
469. what?Copy !req
470. I'm not gonna take it off.Copy !req
471. I still got two days left
on the rental.Copy !req
472. Every once in a while,
a film comes alongCopy !req
473. That takes a serious look
at higher education.Copy !req
474. This is not one of them.Copy !req
475. Gentlemen...Copy !req
476. Assume the party.Copy !req
477. This summer...Copy !req
478. Fun has a new name.Copy !req
479. Koogler?
Koogler!Copy !req
480. Koogler.
Koogler!Copy !req
481. Koogler!Copy !req
482. Koogler! Koogler!Copy !req
483. Hope you don't mind
if I play through.Copy !req
484. Hammer road pictures
invites you to meet the man...Copy !req
485. The myth...Copy !req
486. I'm photocopying
my rear end.Copy !req
487. The koogler.Copy !req
488. Koogler.Copy !req
489. I guess I have
what you might callCopy !req
490. An aversion to education.Copy !req
491. Do you even
have a career plan?Copy !req
492. Yeah, uh,
does getting laid count?Copy !req
493. No!Copy !req
494. Mitchell d. Hurwitz
is koogler...Copy !req
495. Rated r.Copy !req
496. Did you get any of that?Copy !req