1. Well...
See you after the break.
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2. What are you all doing
for Thanksgiving?
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3. I'm having
Andre's whole family over,
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4. though he'll be stuck working at the
stereo store for Black Friday.
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5. Oh, sure, you get to say that, but...
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6. we're stuck
calling it "Jew Friday."
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7. Ugh, I'll be with my family,
fielding the same old questions.
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8. "How's community college?"
"What's your major?"
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9. "Are those real?"
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10. My aunt's boyfriend.
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11. "Oh, my family's
a normal religion,
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12. "so I have to talk to them
for five minutes
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13. before I get a casserole
that's all marshmallow."
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14. - That's you.
- Brainstorm.
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15. Why don't you all
come over to my house?
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16. I'll have plenty of food.
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17. - That would be great.
- Marshmallows.
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18. - Sounds good to me. - I was going
to microwave buttered noodles,
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19. but this sounds
equally promising.
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20. - I'm in.
- Oh, goody.
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21. Well, you know,
you're all welcome, of course.
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22. - I'm in.
- Or, you know, Jeff or whoever.
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23. Can't. Plans.
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24. Well, if you change your mind,
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25. I can't think of anyone
who would enjoy having you more.
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26. How-Dean, pilgrims.
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27. - Is that...
- John Wayne, yes.
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28. Oh, good, you got it.
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29. Anyhoo, I just thought
I'd mosey on over here,
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30. invite you all
to Greendale's annual
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31. Thanks-living
potluck dinner,
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32. where we remember all we have
to be thankful for.
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33. There may be a statistical link
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34. to enrollment at Greendale
and holiday suicide.
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35. - Oh.
- Just a shoelace...
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36. and belt-free night
full of fun.
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37. You should all drop by.
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38. Or Jeff.
Or whoever.
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39. Oh, he can't.
He has plans.
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40. Oh, right,
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41. you are spending Thanksgiving
with your father.
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42. I thought I told you
to stop reading my email.
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43. Yeah, well, I thought I told
you to stop keeping secrets.
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44. How am I supposed to keep track
of what you tell me in confidence
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45. and what I hear through you
walls with a glass to my ear?
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46. Fine.
Close your mouths.
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47. I'm having Thanksgiving
with my estranged father.
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48. - Can we move on now?
- Makes sense.
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49. Jeff's at a point in his life
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50. where he needs a strong
father figure to come out to.
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51. Jeff, this is huge news.
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52. Huger news.
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53. Was this decision made after
our Halloween conversation?
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54. Yes, after.
Not because of.
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55. I'll take it.
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56. You had that teed up?
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57. When I say "thera,"
you say "pist."
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58. - Thera...
- pist.
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59. Thera...
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60. Thanks for the support, guys.
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61. Oh, the support has just begun.
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62. What do you want me to bring
to papa Winger's house,
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63. some vegan pumpkin pie?
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64. Britta, you're not coming.
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65. Fine, regular pumpkin pie.
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66. Jeff, you're going to need me
when things get messy and emotional.
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67. The only thing that's going
to get messy and emotional
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68. is Troy, when he realizes
there are yams
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69. underneath those marshmallows.
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70. I knew it was too good
to be true.
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71. Jeff, speaking not just
as your friend
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72. but as an avid
daytime TV watcher,
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73. these parent-child reunions
can get intense.
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74. Chairs might be thrown.
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75. Weaves might be pulled.
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76. Or I could just go in there,
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77. show him how awesome I am,
no thanks to him, meet my half-brother...
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78. And then, boom. Closure.
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79. Your dad has another son?
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80. Yeah.
So, clearly, he's moved on.
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81. Why can't I?
Close your mouths.
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82. Look, I appreciate
your concern,
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83. but really, the most helpful
thing you can do
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84. is stay out of my business.
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85. Oh, can you
say that last part again?
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86. These walls
are entirely too thick.
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87. Oh!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
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88. - Hey.
- Hi.
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89. Let's carve that jive turkey!
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90. - Got that out of your system?
- Yeah.
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91. Then I'm so happy
to welcome you all to my home.
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92. - Oh, thank you.
- Hello, come in.
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93. Take your coats off.
Make yourself comfortable.
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94. Browse the available literature
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95. about Jesus Christ
as your personal savior.
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96. Or not.
No agenda.
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97. Are you going
to pass some apps soon,
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98. or do I have to die
of starvation to prove a point?
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99. Oh, everybody,
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100. this is Mr. Bennett,
my father-in-law.
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101. Dad, these are my friends
from college.
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102. Oh, yeah.
That's Andre's people.
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103. They're a bunch of characters.
That's a good one, dad.
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104. - Oh, I brought something.
- Oh.
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105. Dip.
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106. Oh, Abed, why is this
seven layer dip so puffy?
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107. Oh, it's been in the fridge
for two years.
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108. I was saving it
for a special occasion.
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109. Oh, that's so thoughtful.
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110. I'm going to put this on a nice platter
with some crackers in the trash.
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111. Where's Britta?
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112. Hey, Jeff.
What's up?
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113. What's up is closure.
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114. I met my dad,
we talked things out as men.
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115. I think I'm ready to move on.
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116. Really, in 20 minutes?
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117. Fine.
Look, I couldn't do it.
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118. I was at the front door,
totally in control,
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119. and then I started thinking
about all that stuff you said
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120. about messiness,
and it threw me off my game.
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121. You know, the irony is,
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122. after all your pestering that
I deal with my daddy issues,
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123. you're the reason
I'm not meeting my father.
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124. Or maybe I'm the reason
you'll come here after all.
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125. Britta, I...
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126. Wait.
What do you mean by "here"?
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127. Your dad's house,
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128. where I kind of, sort of, am.
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129. Yeah, thanks, Sharon.
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130. I never thought
about it that way.
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131. Batman is sort of gay.
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132. Be right back.
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133. What is going on?
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134. Why is Thanksgiving
so terrible?
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135. I know.
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136. The tension, the backbiting,
the judgmental comments.
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137. This makes Thanksgiving
with my family look...
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138. eh, still pretty bad.
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139. I said Batman was gay.
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140. Ugh.
Sheesh.
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141. You ask one lady
if she's Tyler Perry in drag,
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142. and suddenly,
you're the bad guy.
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143. It's a reference.
That's my humor.
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144. Abed gets it.
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145. Oh, you're all hiding out
in here.
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146. - We're not hiding.
- You know us, hide away.
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147. Well, be careful.
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148. You might be giving the impression
that you prefer the cold garage
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149. to the warm heart
of my hospitality.
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150. What? As if.
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151. Yay.
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152. Uh-huh.
Okay.
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153. Well, hurry back soon.
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154. This is the Jonestown
of dinners.
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155. I feel like I'm in jail.
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156. And you know what happens
to guys like me in jail.
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157. They get really
into push-ups,
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158. and I am fine with my upper body
the way it is!
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159. It did feel like a prison,
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160. and that meant only one thing
made sense, conceptually.
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161. We had to break out.
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162. And someone with the gravitas
of Morgan Freeman had to narrate it.
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163. We need to do a prison break.
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164. Happy Thanksgiving?
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165. You really "you'd"
this one, huh?
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166. Okay, yes, I meddled
against your wishes,
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167. and yes, I got this address
from the Dean,
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168. but hey.
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169. You had a moment of doubt,
and here I am to help you through it.
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170. Psychology tells us
there are no accidents.
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171. Oh, really?
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172. What about car accidents,
Tara Reid,
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173. or the Hindenburg?
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174. Here goes nothing.
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175. Hello, William.
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176. So, uh... how about we make
a couple of ground rules?
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177. Actually, that sounds good.
Okay. No hugs.
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178. Wouldn't want one.
No apologies.
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179. Wouldn't accept one.
No calling you "dad."
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180. - No expectations.
- No B.S.
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181. - Drink?
- Scotch.
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182. - 18?
- Neat.
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183. I just want to acknowledge
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184. that there are a lot
of emotions flowing right now,
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185. and you two are probably
feeling a strong impulse
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186. to sleep with each other,
and hey, that's normal.
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187. Wow.
I'll get the drinks.
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188. So, how about that?
No muss, no fuss.
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189. Jeff, I urge you not to run
from the muss and fuss.
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190. Hi.
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191. Hi.
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192. You must be
my half-brother.
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193. Oh, your hands are so much
bigger than mine.
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194. Your nail beds are perfect.
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195. I can't do it.
I can't.
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196. Oh, God.
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197. Oh, it's coming up.
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198. When I get upset, I vomit.
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199. Oh, I see you've
met Willy Junior.
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200. You said he wasn't going
to replace me.
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201. He's the Schwarzenegger.
I'm the DeVito.
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202. I get it.
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203. Okay, fellas,
let's get right into it.
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204. I think the big question
on everyone's mind is
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205. why don't I go
help Willy Junior?
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206. Hmm?
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207. One thing was clear to me
and the rest of the crew.
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208. Bennett lockup was not
where we belonged.
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209. We belonged in the sun,
with the wind in our hair,
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210. or maybe at a Bennigan's,
enjoying a Turkey O'Toole.
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211. We should tunnel out.
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212. Abed, Shirley is our friend,
and we're guests in her home.
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213. We need a plan
that won't hurt her feelings,
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214. or damage her property.
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215. Definitely don't look
behind that poster, then.
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216. I could pretend
to have a stroke.
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217. Do a gibberish
foreign language.
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218. What if I did a gibberish
foreign language like Star Wars?
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219. You'd like that, I bet.
Dick.
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220. Look, I'm sure we'll
figure out a way out of here.
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221. What's important right now
is that we stick together.
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222. - Yeah.
- Oh, there you are.
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223. Who wants
a pre-dinner snack?
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224. Oh!
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225. Oh, pumpkin, what's wrong?
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226. Oh, it's too embarrassing
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227. to talk about
in front of the guys,
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228. know what I mean, girlfriend?
- Oh, sweetie.
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229. Do you have your monthly shame?
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230. Do you want to lie down
in Elijah's room?
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231. Oh, I don't think
that's going to cut it.
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232. I probably need to go home
and call Dr. Collins.
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233. - It's that bad.
- Oh, well, you know,
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234. my sister-in-law's
a gynecologist,
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235. and she's right
in the other room.
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236. There's no need to bother
your doctor on a holiday.
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237. Go ahead.
Mm-hmm.
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238. I'd like to tell you Annie avoided
Shirley's doctor sister-in-law,
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239. but this ain't no fairy tale.
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240. This is Thanksgiving.
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241. Let's see, what else?
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242. You've got some diabetes,
on my mother's side.
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243. Good to know.
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244. I like your hair.
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245. The presence of it, I mean.
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246. So I have a question,
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247. and it's been weighing
on me pretty heavily.
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248. At your age, in the bedroom...
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249. Oh, yeah.
It's all good.
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250. - Yeah?
- Real good.
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251. Look at them.
Bonding.
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252. Probably laughing
'cause I can't grow a beard.
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253. I have an idea.
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254. Why don't we
use these dinner rolls
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255. to do some "roll" play?
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256. I see what I did there.
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257. Okay.
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258. This roll, this is me.
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259. He's crying.
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260. Good.
That's really good.
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261. So, uh, what do you do?
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262. I'm a lawyer
who faked a bachelor's degree
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263. and practiced law for seven
years before I got caught.
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264. I like your hustle.
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265. Reminds me of the summer
I was Ralph Lauren out in St. Tropez.
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266. '83, I'm on a boat with, uh...
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267. Damn it, Willy!
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268. - I'm expressing.
- Knock it off.
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269. Why can't you just swallow it,
like any normal person?
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270. Oh! Oh, right.
Like your new son.
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271. Like mister...
mister I've got my shirt...
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272. I don't know a lot of
personal details about you yet.
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273. Well, my name's Jeff.
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274. Don't help me,
mister helper guy.
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275. First mom dies, now this?
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276. Hey, she died
20 years ago, Willy.
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277. He keeps singing
the same old song.
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278. Wow.
She died on you.
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279. Here I thought you'd
become father of the year,
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280. but you just got stuck.
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281. Yeah, well, look, I don't have to tell you
I'm not a natural caretaker,
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282. but with Willy, you know,
I-I checked all the boxes,
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283. and he still turned out
softer than wet cheese.
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284. I don't get it.
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285. He keeps saying he's going
to move out next week, since '03.
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286. Oh, man, I couldn't
wait to get out.
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287. I got my own place
when I was 18.
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288. I was the same way.
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289. So who's ready to eat?
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290. Jeff, you care
to carve the turkey?
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291. I knew it!
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292. You love him more than me.
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293. I'll show you.
I'll run away.
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294. Oh, please.
Hey, be my guest.
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295. You run away, and I'm going
to sleep like a baby tonight.
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296. Oh, now, I'm sorry
you guys had to see that,
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297. but maybe you could
shrink his head,
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298. since you're here
for some reason.
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299. Yes.
I can do this.
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300. Show me on the dinner roll
where you're hurt!
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301. And that's how it went
for the afternoon.
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302. This tag team turkey day
became our routine.
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303. We endured the indignities
as best we could.
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304. Cousins fighting,
complaints about the food,
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305. listening to a nephew
do Borat for a full hour.
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306. We figured out ways
to steal away from time to time,
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307. saying we had to pee,
had to get ice,
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308. had to do a jewish thing
in the other room.
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309. I became known as the guy
who could get you things
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310. piece of gum, playing cards,
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311. some novelty glasses I found
in a box marked "crap."
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312. In those brief,
tranquil moments, we felt human.
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313. We felt free.
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314. But sooner or later,
our warden would come knocking.
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315. Mostly, we just waited
for our time to be served,
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316. but some didn't
take kindly to waiting.
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317. Some didn't
have much time left.
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318. Enough.
Amateur hour is over.
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319. I'm going in there,
pretend to break a hip,
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320. and we'll be sipping Sambuca
at Skeepers in no time.
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321. Whoa.
He tripped on the rug.
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322. Wait, now he's getting up.
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323. He's walking around dazed
like he's got a head injury.
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324. Oh, groin into the corner
of the table.
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325. This might actually work.
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326. Ow.
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327. Wait, wait,
why are people laughing?
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328. Let's see, I need a broom,
a rake, or two rakes...
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329. Pierce, you were supposed
to pretend to injure yourself
Copy !req
330. so we could leave.
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331. Leave?
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332. This is my
showtime at the Apollo.
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333. I'm killing out there.
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334. Pierce was our last hope,
or so we thought.
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335. It seemed Troy Barnes
had a plan.
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336. What if we got sick?
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337. No.
No more faking illnesses.
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338. Not fake sick.
Real sick.
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339. And that's when I told
my old firm to shove it.
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340. I've always been more
of a free agent, anyway.
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341. Yeah, I can see that about you.
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342. You seem
like a self-made man.
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343. Well, I kind of had to be.
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344. Look, if it's okay with you,
I'd like to break a rule.
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345. I know we said
"no mushy stuff,"
Copy !req
346. but for what it's worth,
I'm proud of you.
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347. Wow.
Thanks.
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348. Makes you think.
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349. Wait, what do you mean?
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350. Well, look, I mean, you've
seen how Willy turned out.
Copy !req
351. I mean, I haven't
done that kid any favors.
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352. And so I look at you,
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353. so self-reliant
and well-adjusted,
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354. and I think
maybe I did something right.
Copy !req
355. You did something right?
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356. Well, let me
say that different. Uh,
Copy !req
357. the universe
is a constantly expanding...
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358. Stop.
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359. I get the impulse, but
that's not going to work here.
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360. No, I just mean that, uh,
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361. we are defined
by what happens to us,
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362. and me leaving seems
to have made you independent,
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363. made you strong.
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364. With all due respect,
which is none,
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365. go to hell.
Copy !req
366. So tunneling out
is off the table?
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367. Who's hungry for turkey?
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368. Shirley, we were just...
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369. About to...
Copy !req
370. Eat garbage dip.
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371. Why did I have to go third?
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372. Look, I get it.
You want to leave.
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373. Shirley, we're sorry.
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374. No, I'm sorry.
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375. To be honest, I invited you
as a bit of a buffer.
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376. With Andre's family,
I'm always the butt of the joke,
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377. and with Andre gone this year,
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378. I thought I could tip the scales in my
favor by having a few friends around.
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379. That was wrong of me.
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380. See you Monday.
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381. I can't believe none of us noticed
she was having such a hard time.
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382. We can't leave.
Copy !req
383. Funny thing about prison.
Copy !req
384. Sometimes the person
you thought was your warden
Copy !req
385. turns out
to be a fellow prisoner,
Copy !req
386. which doesn't really line up
with the whole Shawshank thing,
Copy !req
387. but maybe we've always been doing
more of a Prison Break.
Copy !req
388. The show.
Copy !req
389. - Whoa, what are you doing in my car?
- Take me with you.
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390. Teach me what you know.
Copy !req
391. What in the cat's cradle
is happening?
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392. Dad hates me.
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393. What do you care
what that guy thinks?
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394. He's a dick.
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395. See, that's
what I need to learn!
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396. How to be all dead inside
with muscles on top,
Copy !req
397. not all emotional and flabby.
Copy !req
398. Yeah, but you are emotional,
and if you pretend you're not,
Copy !req
399. you're only letting him off the hook
for being a terrible father,
Copy !req
400. which he is
and always has been.
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401. I mean,
he meant the world to you,
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402. and you meant nothing to him,
Copy !req
403. and if you run away now,
he'll never know.
Copy !req
404. He should know.
Copy !req
405. Britta's the worst.
Copy !req
406. Ow!
Jeez.
Copy !req
407. Oh.
I thought you guys left.
Copy !req
408. We started as your buffer,
Copy !req
409. but we're busting you
out of here now.
Copy !req
410. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
411. I drew a map of your house
on my stomach.
Copy !req
412. Uh, I know what my house
looks like.
Copy !req
413. That's what I said.
Copy !req
414. Look, if we act fast,
we can get through this plan,
Copy !req
415. which is to put you in the trash can,
take you out like trash,
Copy !req
416. but we got to dress you
like a baby.
Copy !req
417. Thank you so much for doing this,
but I'm not going anywhere.
Copy !req
418. Those people up there,
they may be rude, they may be pushy,
Copy !req
419. they may have come
to some wrongheaded conclusions
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420. about Batman and Robin...
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421. Oh, thank you.
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422. But they're my family,
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423. and family means putting up with
each other even when it's hard.
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424. You guys can go.
I'll be fine.
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425. Actually, we're going to stay.
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426. - Oh.
- Yeah.
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427. Family sticks it out.
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428. That's ni...
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429. Okay, full disclosure.
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430. We're hiding out
from that crazy white guy.
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431. You came back!
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432. I'm sorry.
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433. You should take some credit
for who I've become.
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434. Okay.
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435. So, let me tell you
how I turned out,
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436. just so you're crystal clear
on your impact.
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437. I am not well-adjusted.
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438. More often than not,
I am barely keeping it together.
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439. I'm constantly texting,
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440. and there's no one
at the other end.
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441. I'm just a grown man
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442. who can't even look his own
friends in the eye for too long
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443. because I'm afraid
that they'll see
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444. that I am broken.
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445. So you get credit for that.
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446. Oh, come on, now...
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447. One time,
when I was in seventh grade,
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448. I told everybody at school
that I had appendicitis.
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449. I wanted someone
to worry about me.
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450. But when Beth Brannon asked
to see the scar,
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451. I didn't want to get found out,
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452. so I took mom's scissors,
and I made one.
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453. It hurt like hell,
but it was worth it.
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454. Because I got 17 cards,
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455. and I still keep them in a box
underneath my bed
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456. 22 years later
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457. because it proves that someone,
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458. at some point, cared about me.
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459. You want to see the scar?
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460. So you get credit
for that, too.
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461. This is me.
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462. Look, Jeff, I, uh...
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463. Daddy!
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464. Are you faking a heart attack?
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465. Kind of a Hail Mary.
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466. Happy Thanksgiving, dad.
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467. Look, you're probably
feeling a very strong urge
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468. to sleep with me right now,
and that is normal.
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469. Sha.
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470. Britta, thank you.
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471. You were right.
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472. You're not going to get all
"jock jams" on me, are you?
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473. No, of course not.
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474. I left my boom box at school.
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475. Oh. Jeez.
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476. You got to stop doing that.
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477. Thank you.
Come here, brother.
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478. - Oh.
- Come here, brother.
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479. Wow.
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480. Why don't you save some
for Christmas, buddy, okay?
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481. And then Pierce did whiteface
over blackface.
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482. No one was amused.
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483. It's meta.
Abed gets it.
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484. So, Troy, how was
your first real Thanksgiving?
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485. No offense to Shirley,
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486. but I don't see
what the fuss is about.
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487. Thanksgiving's the wors...
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488. Oh!
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489. I heard your Thanksgiving
wasn't much better than mine,
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490. so I thought we could take some time
and be grateful for our real family.
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491. The one we chose.
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492. - So pretty.
- Sit, sit, sit.
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493. We never got
to do a Shawshank homage,
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494. not the way I wanted to.
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495. Maybe the hardest prisons
to break out of
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496. are the ones without locks.
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497. Wait, that doesn't
make any sense.
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498. After that day, Jeff seemed
like a man unburdened.
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499. He told me
about seeing his father again,
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500. about how leaving there
felt like breaking free
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501. of an emotional prison
he'd been in for years.
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502. Something about shackles
on his heart?
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503. To be honest,
I stopped listening.
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504. I was thinking about Christmas.
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505. I hope we do Die Hard.
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506. I hope it's in a restaurant.
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507. I hope it lays out as cleanly
as it does in my dreams.
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508. I hope it's cool.
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509. Cool, cool, cool.
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510. - Cheers.
- Cheers.
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511. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone,
including you, Dean.
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512. Oh, my.
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513. I'll have to remember this
for next year.
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