1. We're gonna fly to school
each morning
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2. We're gonna smile the entire time
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3. We're gonna be more happy
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4. We're gonna finally be fine
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5. We're gonna get more calm and normal
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6. We're gonna fix our state of mind
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7. We're gonna be less crazy
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8. We're gonna finally be fine
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9. We're gonna stand holding hands
in a brand new land
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10. Far away from the borderline
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11. We're gonna seem
like a mainstream dream
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12. And be appealing to all mankind
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13. We're gonna have more fun
and be less weird
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14. Than the first two years combined
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15. And we're gonna live forever
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16. And we're gonna sleep together
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17. And we're gonna finally be
sunny and shinily
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18. We're gonna finally be fine
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19. Sorry.
What was the question?
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20. What are we gonna do without Pierce
in the study group this year?
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21. We'll figure it out.
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22. Speaking of figuring things out,
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23. me and Abed have an announcement.
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24. We are living together.
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25. - That's...
- That's nice.
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26. We're registered at Linens'n things.
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27. We have linens.
We mainly want the things.
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28. How you like me now, bitches?
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29. You seem different.
Are you in a play right now?
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30. Over the summer, I decided it's time
to whip this place into shape.
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31. I'm gonna be a mean,
lean, deaning machine.
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32. No more paintball,
no more spaceships,
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33. no more trampolines, and no more...
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34. - What is that?
- The monkey that lives in the vents.
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35. I named him "Annie's boobs,"
after Annie's boobs.
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36. See,
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37. this is the kind of national lampoonery
that is coming to an end this year.
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38. Homie don't dean this.
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39. Let's get to biology on time.
I don't want to be a screw-up this year.
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40. We're doing this without Pierce?
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41. So sad.
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42. We have parted ways with our closest,
oldest, craziest, racist, oldest,
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43. elderly, crazy friend,
and he's not coming back.
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44. I'm back.
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45. - How was your summer?
- Enlightful, Annie.
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46. I underwent three months
of intensive soul-rezoning
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47. at the Laser Lotus celebrity center.
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48. I stand before you
a more highly evolved Pierce Hawthorne,
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49. one that can accept that this table
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50. has a sort of magic in it.
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51. - And I'd like to come back.
- Damn it!
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52. Sorry.
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53. I just had the frustrating realization
that you can't come back to the group,
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54. 'cause you're not in biology
and it's filled up.
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55. Couldn't we take something else?
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56. Surely we've evolved beyond caring
what class we take together.
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57. I'll do you one better.
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58. I think we've evolved
beyond reliance on a group at all.
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59. Aren't we just actual friends now,
no matter where we are?
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60. You know what's magic
about this table?
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61. It magically keeps our books
from falling on the floor.
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62. The table's for studying,
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63. but as friends, we've evolved.
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64. And let's use that first breath
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65. of crisp, new, super evolved air
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66. to declare proudly and in one voice,
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67. "Pierce...
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68. "We'll see you when we see you."
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69. Don't tell the monkey
I'm living here.
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70. - Feygnasse Team -
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71. La Fabrique ::.
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72. 3x01: Biology 101
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73. Star-Burns,
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74. I see you added a lizard
to your special hat and sideburns.
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75. - Am I missing anything?
- Yeah!
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76. The human being underneath it all,
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77. but no one's interested in that,
are they?
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78. I hope we did the right thing
about Pierce.
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79. - He really seems like he's changed.
- Are you nuts?
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80. That's what he wants you to think.
Trust me, we're better off without him.
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81. Excluding him
is what drove him crazy last year.
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82. Wrong,
being crazy drove him excluded.
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83. - What?
- Cougar Town has moved to mid-season.
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84. That's never a good sign.
Not cool, not cool.
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85. Buddy, it's coming back in January.
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86. Six seasons and a movie.
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87. This is intro to biology.
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88. I'm your professor,
Dr. Marshall King, PHD.
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89. It took me 6,205 hours
to get my degree,
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90. and I know,
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91. because I was only allowed
in the library
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92. one hour per day
at the San Vicente correctional facility
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93. while serving
a sentence of 25 to life.
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94. Now let's talk about that word.
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95. "Life."
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96. Sorry.
It's a new phone.
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97. Switching to vibrate.
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98. Continue.
This is really great.
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99. I stared at a crack in the ground
in my cell for years,
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100. and one day, something grew from it.
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101. A single blade of grass.
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102. Vibrates louder than the ringer.
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103. You know what?
Turning it off.
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104. Living thing,
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105. growing from dead stone.
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106. Get out!
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107. - It's off, it's off.
- Out!
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108. I turned it off.
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109. Fine. Okay, fine.
I'm leaving.
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110. Don't bother coming back.
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111. Seriously?
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112. Dude, Sean Penn called.
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113. He says to dial it back.
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114. - Sean Penn is...
- I know who Sean Penn is.
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115. I've seen Milk.
Now get out.
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116. Dude, learn to blend.
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117. I will not tolerate monkeys
living on campus.
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118. If I wanted to run a monkey hotel,
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119. I'd install a banana buffet.
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120. I'd use vines as elevators,
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121. and I'd put tail holes in the bathrobes,
and I'd lower all the shower knobs.
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122. - You've really thought this through.
- And now it's your turn.
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123. Brainstorm.
Idea shower.
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124. Spray your solutions all over me.
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125. Well, we could seal all the vents
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126. and then pump the ducts
with some kind of gas
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127. that knocks out monkeys.
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128. Monkey knockout gas!
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129. Now that's the kind of grounded,
sensible thinking
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130. I want to see this year.
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131. - Catherine, who's next?
- Vice dean Laybourne
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132. from the air conditioning
repair school annex.
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133. - Vice dean.
- New suit, dean?
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134. New dean, vice dean.
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135. I see that you used school funds
to buy an espresso machine
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136. for your faculty break room.
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137. I don't recall
being consulted on that.
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138. I don't consult you on anything.
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139. That's the problem.
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140. The air-conditioning
repair school annex seems to think
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141. that it's separate from Greendale,
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142. but it's an annex.
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143. An appendage, on a body,
with a head,
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144. and this head
is saying to this appendage,
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145. "whazup?"
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146. What you say makes sense.
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147. Tell you what.
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148. You bring your head down
to my appendage tomorrow,
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149. and I'll show you "whazup."
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150. I'll be there.
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151. I think I found something
that will help Abed!
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152. Abed, did you know that Cougar Town
is an American adaptation
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153. of a 1990s British sitcom?
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154. Cougarton Abbey.
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155. Just been'round Cougarton chapel.
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156. - I may be having an awakening.
- Come off it, Deidre.
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157. You've only been
having a butchers at the choir boys.
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158. Better than nothing.
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159. Can you believe that guy,
kicking me out of class like that?
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160. It's gonna be impossible
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161. to find a science class
with six open spots.
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162. - Why would we need to do that?
- I'm not in biology anymore.
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163. And neither is Pierce,
but you're both still our friends.
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164. We've evolved.
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165. Right, Jeff?
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166. We have.
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167. And we all love each other.
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168. And we all go to the same school,
so...
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169. I guess I'll see ya when I see ya.
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170. Guess what.
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171. I was on the wait list for biology,
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172. somebody got kicked out, I am.
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173. Here to study!
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174. All hail, sir eats alone.
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175. Shut up, Leonard.
I heard about your prescription socks.
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176. Sorry, I've got a new favorite show,
and I'm only on episode six.
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177. You guys got five minutes
left to eat.
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178. Time flies when you're studying
the science of life.
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179. It is when you're joking around
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180. about movie titles
that sound like names for poops.
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181. Remains of the day.
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182. Wait a second.
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183. Were you eavesdropping
on our study session?
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184. I was eavesdropping
on your goof-off session,
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185. and you dummies missed
the most obvious one.
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186. I said Green Mile.
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187. Operation dumbo drop!
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188. Too clever by half.
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189. All right, I gotta go.
Thanks for the five minutes.
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190. Blimey.
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191. The barrister's foreclosed the abbey.
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192. Fancy a drink, then?
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193. Ol, fetch us a... hemlock.
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194. Why did everyone
on Cougarton Abbey just die?
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195. They only ran six episodes.
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196. That's the great thing
about British TV.
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197. Give you closure.
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198. We'll find you a new favorite show!
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199. Come on.
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200. You are human tennis elbow.
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201. You are a pizza burn
on the roof of the world's mouth.
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202. You're the opposite of Batman.
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203. You don't need them.
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204. Exactly.
I'll see 'em when I see 'em.
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205. Totally.
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206. We should hang out some time.
Grab a drink?
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207. Sure.
Where are you living now?
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208. The air vents.
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209. I live
in the air vents of the school.
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210. I'm free, Jeff.
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211. Free!
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212. I gotta get back in that class.
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213. Real dean coming through...
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214. My goodness spacious,
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215. vice dean...
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216. Is this where Greendale's money
is going?
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217. More accurately, dean,
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218. it's where Greendale's money
comes from.
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219. Our air-conditioning program
has a job placement rate
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220. five times higher
than the rest of your school combined.
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221. Our alumni donations comprise
80% of your entire school's budget.
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222. And you want to know
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223. why we think we deserve
an espresso machine?
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224. Well, I guess I didn't know.
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225. And you never had to, dean.
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226. You could have lived your life
in blissful ignorance
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227. and died a happy, pansexual imp.
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228. But you wanted
to feel power this year.
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229. Well, now,
you're going to feel my power
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230. as it surges downward from me,
straight through you,
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231. from nostril to rectum,
now until the end of time.
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232. And that's...
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233. "whazup".
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234. I forgot everything you said
before "rectum"!
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235. Who are these guys?
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236. This is my legal team
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237. because I think it's time
we worked out a new agreement.
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238. Doesn't look like a lawyer.
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239. That's a barber.
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240. Because I'm also sick
of that ridiculous goatee.
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241. You look
like a white Lou Gossett, Jr.
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242. You deserve a bigger office.
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243. Biggest office I ever had.
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244. I'm here to apologize, Dr King,
and beg you for a seat in biology.
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245. You wanna learn about life?
Give up the phone.
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246. You want a bribe?
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247. I can't be bought, man.
You feel me?
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248. See, prison was my walls.
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249. But you put your walls up.
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250. You, and your phone,
and your attitude,
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251. and your fruit loops cologne.
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252. Your walls put up so tight,
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253. not even a blade of grass
could get through.
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254. But even if it did,
you wouldn't appreciate it.
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255. That's why you can't come back.
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256. What's your problem with me, man?
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257. And don't act like
it's not about me specifically,
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258. 'cause you've been in...
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259. Busted!
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260. Take it easy, Winger.
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261. Everything okay?
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262. It is now that I have this.
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263. This is my ticket
to getting back in the group.
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264. I want to be in the group so bad!
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265. All right, let's smoke 'em
and choke 'em.
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266. What is that?
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267. Monkey gas!
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268. All your friends are here.
They wanna talk to you.
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269. How is this different
from the way he always is?
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270. Don't wanna push it,
but it's a great time to baptize him.
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271. Abed, maybe this can be
your new favorite show.
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272. It's a British sci-fi series
that's been on the air since 1962.
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273. Britta, you've done enough.
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274. Why don't you go start a ruiners' club?
Wait, you'd probably just ruin it.
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275. Well then, I'd be doing a good job
because it's a ruiners' club.
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276. You ruined my analogy.
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277. Guys, look!
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278. Blimey, inspector!
Where are we this time?
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279. The question isn't where, Constable,
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280. but when.
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281. Inspector, look out!
Blorgons!
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282. Eradicate!
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283. The best show I've ever seen.
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284. Having fun without me again?
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285. What happened?
You look 70.
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286. Abed has a new favorite TV show.
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287. It's called Inspector Spacetime.
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288. Can it, boobs.
I came here to let you know
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289. that your best friend Pierce
is the one that got me kicked out
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290. of bio class and the study group.
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291. It was a plan he hatched,
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292. from the beginning,
with his pal, professor Kane.
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293. That's a photo
I gave our professor of me
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294. visiting Hawthorne wipes' spokesman
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295. and rap artist Sugar Cube
in prison during the '90s.
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296. They look alike.
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297. I guess they share
one important feature in your eyes.
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298. Well, that's not fair!
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299. Look, I was standing far away,
and I saw the prison uniform!
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300. Obviously I don't mean
all black people are in prison!
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301. Jeff, clearly you have gone off
the deep end.
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302. Don't blame him.
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303. The table is powerful,
and being cut off from it...
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304. Shut the...
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305. I've become...
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306. agitated.
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307. I apologize.
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308. We'll continue this discourse
at a later date.
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309. Good night.
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310. He just needs some space.
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311. I'm going to kill
the one thing you love!
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312. I will kill it!
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313. As long as it breathes,
it controls our lives!
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314. I came by to tell you
this year isn't gonna be that different.
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315. With the notable exception,
we really won't have any money.
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316. Have a nice night.
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317. What is with that guy?
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318. Did you find the monkey?
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319. Here's the invoice for the gassing.
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320. As it turns out, I cannot pay this...
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321. Or your salaries.
Starting on...
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322. Two weeks ago.
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323. But, what I do have
are these vouchers
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324. for the classes of your choosing.
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325. You're lucky
I need my scuba certification.
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326. I'm the one living in your vents.
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327. I have no home and no job.
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328. Does that mean
you'll work for room and board?
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329. I was lying the whole time.
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330. I didn't want the group to evolve.
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331. I just didn't want Pierce around.
I hate him.
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332. Okay, but Jeff, what you did,
it's hard to get past that.
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333. I know you're already
out of the study group, but...
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334. I have to ask
that you stop being my friend.
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335. Everybody, here's the thing:
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336. I am not as evolved as I said I was.
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337. The biology class was full,
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338. so I told professor Kane
I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to...
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339. kick Jeff out.
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340. - What?
- Pierce!
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341. What?
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342. I can't believe
Jeff attacked a table with an axe
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343. and still is the second craziest man
in the room.
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344. Everybody in favor
of voting Pierce out of the group?
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345. Stop!
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346. Pierce isn't crazy.
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347. The table...
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348. is... magic.
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349. I've been on the other side,
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350. so I can tell you.
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351. It's a scary, lonely,
Chang-filled world out there,
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352. and sure,
this group has sprouted some legs,
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353. but why are we in such a rush
to leave the tide pool?
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354. When the only things
waiting for us on shore...
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355. are the sands of time,
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356. and the hungry seagulls
of slowly growing apart.
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357. I really need this biology class.
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358. Pr. Kane has never taken a bribe.
You feel me?
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359. I lied,
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360. but you seem to have a harder time
being the bad guy than me.
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361. You're right.
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362. I do.
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363. Which, in a weird way,
makes me a pretty bad guy.
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364. - We're the same.
- Please don't.
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365. Jeff, but you're still kicked out
of biology.
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366. I'm not worried about it.
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367. Life has a way of breaking through.
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368. So, here's what I'm thinking.
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369. I'm a drug dealer, right?
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370. And you're a scientist,
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371. so couldn't we get, like,
a Breaking Bad type of thing going?
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372. Sorry, Star-Face,
you just lost your seat in my class.
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373. There, now the table is up.
Good as new.
Copy !req
374. And so is Abed.
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375. I'm sorry
I was overprotective about it.
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376. - I'll try to be more supportive.
- Here's your first chance.
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377. Helping Abed has inspired me
to finally declare a major.
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378. I'll study psychology.
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379. Like in a research capacity?
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380. No, in a hands-on capacity.
I'm gonna be a therapist.
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381. Keep it down.
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382. There's a new sheriff in town.
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383. Interesting.
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384. We'll all die this year.
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