1.  And that's how paleolithic hunting tribesCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
2.  overtook early agricultural
civilizations.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
3.  Ah. That's an interesting
answer, miss Edison.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
4.  - Is it right?
- I Don't know. Don't care.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
5.  But so far,
you're all getting A's.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
6.  Yes!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
7.  You're welcome.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
8.  Are you sure everyone should
get A's?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
9.  It seems a little unfair
to the peopleCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
10.  that actually studied.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
11.  Throw paper balls at her head
until she sits down.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
12.  Oh! What?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
13.  - Sitting. I'm sitting.
- Good. Very good.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
14.  A-pluses for all of you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
15.  Professor Duncan,
you are such a great teacherCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
16.  when you're drinking.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
17.  - Thank you, Darrell.
- It's Troy.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
18.  Hey, the man wants
to give Darrell an "A,"Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
19.  let him do it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
20.  - Nice shot.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
21.  A toast to the easiest school,
the dumbest dean...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
22.  And the ultimate
blow off class.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
23.  Anthropology.
Who knew?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
24.  - Hey, Shirley.
- Hmm?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
25.  You're not drinking.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
26.  Someone is cruising
for an A-minus.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
27.  Oh, no, no, I'm with child.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
28.  Well, if it's my child,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
29.  it's okay to have a drink or two.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
30.  Chang babies love the sauce,
you know?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
31.  Alcohol and duck.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
32.  Zoink.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
33.  This is not your child, Chang.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
34.  - It's Andre's.
- How do you know?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
35.  Because I don't see
any locusts.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
36.  Besides,
a woman knows these things.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
37.  Women have a connectedness
to their bodies,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
38.  that you would never
understand.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
39.  You have a booger.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
40.  I know.
It's part of me.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
41.  Hey. Can we please do
the exam?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
42.  Yeah!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
43.  Here is to never telling
the dean.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
44.  Hi!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
45.  And that is what Jews do
at weddings.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
46.  - Anthropology!
- L'Chaim!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
47.  Community 2x22 - Applied Anthropology and Culinary ArtsCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
48.  Oh, professor Duncan, class,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
49.  this is Mr. Jacobson.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
50.  He's a writer who's doing
a piece on meCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
51.  for Dean Magazine.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
52.  - Ah!
- I know, right?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
53.  Well, keep taking your exam.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
54.  Don't let my presence
distract you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
55.  I'm sort of a father figure
to the kids around hereCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
56.  for my "outside the box"
approach to education.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
57.  You know, like that film
Children of the Corn.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
58.  Oh, professor.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
59.  - Proceed.
- Yes.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
60.  The Anthropology final.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
61.  Do you know what, I have left
the exam paper in my office.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
62.  But it is a real doozy.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
63.  There is an interactive element.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
64.  A performance component.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
65.  And I don't want to tip it,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
66.  but there may be a lump of clay
coming to everyone in the room.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
67.  So, uh, toodle-oo.
Cheerio.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
68.  Wowee.
This is a real college.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
69.  So after this,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
70.  we should check out
the world food festivalCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
71.  in the parking lot.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
72.  No way.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
73.  There are lunch trucks
with 18 different nationalitiesCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
74.  of food.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
75.  You know what, not different.
Equal. Equal to whites.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
76.  You know what,
better than whites.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
77.  Oh, I think that soundsCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
78.  like an awesome thing to do, immediately.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
79.  I bet the reader of
Dean Magazine would love it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
80.  I'm good. I'd like to stay here
and check outCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
81.  this unorthodox exam.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
82.  - Shirley, you okay?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
83.  Just a little indigestion.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
84.  I've been having it
all morning.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
85.  Are you sure
it isn't contractions?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
86.  No, no, no. It's way too early
for any of that.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
87.  Um, my other two
came right on schedule.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
88.  Maybe even a little late.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
89.  Jordan was in here so long,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
90.  he came out
with a driver's license.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
91.  I'm kidding.
That's not true. Ooh.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
92.  Chang babies
are always premature.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
93.  We gestate fast because we're
better at obtaining nutrients.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
94.  Some need only eight months,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
95.  depending on how much
of the mother they eat.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
96.  Oh, uh, Shirley,
that is full of chemicals.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
97.  I wouldn't expose your baby
to that.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
98.  Actually, my doctor said
antacid is safe to take.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
99.  Yeah, let me guess
who paid for that study.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
100.  Big antacid.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
101.  Shirley, chew on a eucalyptus rootCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
102.  and I know it sounds gross...
pig saliva.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
103.  It's the same active
ingredient as antacid.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
104.  They just dress it up
with a fancy name.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
105.  How dare they.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
106.  Hey, you want to see
a movie today?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
107.  - Word.
- Cool.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
108.  - Hey, guys, why do you do that?
- Do what?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
109.  - It's cool.
- How?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
110.  I don't know.
It just is.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
111.  Well, let me in.
Let me in to the handshake.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
112.  I'll give you $1,000.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
113.  - Indecent Proposal.
- Indecent Proposal.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
114.  - Woody.
- Demi.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
115.  Nice.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
116.  You two gonna fall in love?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
117.  No.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
118.  I don't know.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
119.  So have you considered
natural childbirth?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
120.  Are you kidding me?
I'll take whatever they got.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
121.  An epidural is a proper
Christian woman's only chanceCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
122.  to get wrecked.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
123.  Yeah, but from what I'm told,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
124.  the real high
is the endorphin rushCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
125.  of a chemical-free birth.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
126.  I read an article that saidCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
127.  some women can actually achieve or...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
128.  Uh-uh, no, no, no.
Thank you for the conversation.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
129.  I know
what you're talking about.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
130.  And even if it were true,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
131.  that's not something
a woman doesCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
132.  on her child's head.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
133.  - But...
- Mmm!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
134.  Listen, backseat birther,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
135.  Shirley's on her third kid.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
136.  She doesn't need
a third-year-old slackerCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
137.  with two one-eyed cats
governing her body.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
138.  First of all, together,
my cats can do anything.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
139.  Secondly, you disqualified
yourself from this conversationCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
140.  the moment you decided
to grow a wang.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
141.  I regret nothing.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
142.  I feel sorry for the airheadCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
143.  that you're gonna knock up
at the age of 70.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
144.  You're gonna be sitting
in the waiting roomCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
145.  playing Solitaire
on your BlackBerryCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
146.  while a life is created
ten feet from you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
147.  Oh, and you're gonna squat
in a babbling brookCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
148.  and a beautiful star child
is going to slide outCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
149.  on a ray of sunshine
while your cats each half watchCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
150.  because you're so natural.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
151.  Oh-oh. Okay. Oh, boy.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
152.  Can someone please get
every mop on campus?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
153.  Um, did you break water?
Is that broken water?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
154.  - That's broken water!
- Chang baby!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
155.  Just nice and easy, careful...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
156.  Oh, father, God almighty,
this isn't happening.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
157.  It's too soon.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
158.  I don't want
my baby's first memoryCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
159.  - to be star-burns.
- Oh, goodness. Ok, alright.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
160.  This is not a big deal. Wait.
I mean, it is a big deal.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
161.  It's just not a big bad deal.
It's a big good deal.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
162.  If I could have everyone's
attention...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
163.  Actually would like not
to have your attention.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
164.  Okay, give me your attention.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
165.  This student is having a baby.
What am I talking about?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
166.  You already know.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
167.  Okay, here's...
Okay, here's what it is.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
168.  I'm gonna go get my Prius,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
169.  I'm gonna pull around the back,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
170.  and I'm gonna drive her
to the hospital.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
171.  I drive a Prius,
which I think is pretty cool.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
172.  - Dean, go!
- Okay, dean gone.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
173.  Can you please call Andre?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
174.  He's "Sugar Boots" in my phone.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
175.  That hurts, Shirley.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
176.  Oh, oh, I'll get it
because I am here for you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
177.  We came so close
to having one classCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
178.  that wasn't all about them.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
179.  Remember when they all took
that fishing tripCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
180.  on St. Patrick's Day?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
181.  God, that was a good week.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
182.  This has got
to be a Chang baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
183.  Changs are never born
in hospitals.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
184.  More like taxicabs,
hardware stores,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
185.  bank lines, sewers.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
186.  My nephew Jin
was born on a treadmillCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
187.  at bally total fitness.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
188.  20% incline.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
189.  "Sugar Boots" says that he'll
meet us at the hospital.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
190.  Good. Now can somebody
do something about him?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
191.  I'm just saying nobody needs
to freak out.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
192.  A Chang is hearty to the core.
We always come out healthy.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
193.  That's why there's like
a billion of us.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
194.  You ever tried googling me?
Can't be done!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
195.  Ben, you have to stop
freaking her out.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
196.  Hey, show me some respect.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
197.  I might be that child's
estranged father.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
198.  - Well, what's it gonna be?
- What?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
199.  I want to buy the rights
to your handshake.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
200.  Do we have a deal?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
201.  Pierce, we're about to take
Shirley to the hospital.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
202.  This is not the time.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
203.  Oh, it's the time.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
204.  According to my watch,
it's 1,000 o'clock.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
205.  - Deal.
- Deal.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
206.  Great.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
207.  - So how does it work?
- I don't know.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
208.  We just kind of do itCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
209.  when one of us
says something awesome.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
210.  - Yeah.
- All right. Betty Grable.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
211.  I said Betty Grable.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
212.  - No.
- Yes.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
213.  - No.
- Do it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
214.  Make your money, whore.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
215.  Who's Betty Grable?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
216.  Yeah, that's the stuff.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
217.  Try to take deep breaths
and relax.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
218.  - Where is the dean?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
219.  - Okay.
- Everything's wet!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
220.  - Eew!
- Oh. Oh, that's okay.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
221.  That's okay, because it is natural.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
222.  It's natural.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
223.  Are you uncomfortable, Britta?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
224.  - You wish.
- Oh!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
225.  - Oh. Okay. Ooh.
- $400. $500.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
226.  It's like a million bucks
in dog dollars.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
227.  Word.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
228.  - What happened?
- Something's off.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
229.  It's like buying candy
from a baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
230.  What did you do?
You ruined it!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
231.  Troy, give him back the money.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
232.  No, no, no.
Money doesn't matter anymore.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
233.  Once you've sold something out,
you can't get it back.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
234.  But you didn't even like
our handshake!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
235.  I hated it.
Now it's gone.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
236.  You two are dumber
than Jackie Coogan.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
237.  He divorced to Betty Grable.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
238.  Jeff, Pierce tainted
our special handshakeCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
239.  with his blood moneyCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
240.  and now we can't get
the magic back!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
241.  Holy crap.
You two for real?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
242.  Yeah.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
243.  Nobody cares
about your stupid handshake.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
244.  A baby is coming out
of Shirley's vaginaCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
245.  - two feet from us.
- Don't worry.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
246.  Her contractions are still
six minutes apart.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
247.  So unless her cervix is dilated
more than eight centimeters,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
248.  we still have time
to get her to a hospital.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
249.  I delivered a baby
earlier this yearCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
250.  in the back of an SUV.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
251.  - What?
- Hmm-hmm.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
252.  Where was I when that happened?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
253.  I don't know.
Off in the background.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
254.  - Did you pull your car up?
- Uh, no.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
255.  - It's been overturned!
- What?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
256.  Okay, look, I don't want
to alarm anyone,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
257.  but the world food festival
has taken a dark turn.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
258.  I guess some national
ethnicitiesCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
259.  don't play nice with othersCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
260.  and things have turned
into a bit of a race...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
261.  - Kerfuffle.
- You mean riot?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
262.  Uh, let's use kerfuffle
for now, okay, Mr. Winger?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
263.  I was just trying
to feed hungry foodies.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
264.  I'm going to call an ambulance.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
265.  Oh, there's ambulances
out there!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
266.  They're overturning those too!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
267.  I mean, I didn't even know
there was a differenceCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
268.  between North
and South Korean barbeque.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
269.  I mean, M*A*S*H lasted longer
than that war.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
270.  Get over it. Am I right?
Don't print that.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
271.  Let's just quit jotting.
Stop writing!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
272.  Okay, 911 says it's gonna take
over an hourCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
273.  because of a race kerfuffle.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
274.  Lake Woebegone. Eeh!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
275.  Abed, what do we do?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
276.  Shirley,
pretend I'm saying thisCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
277.  in a soothing, reassuring,
non-robotic voice.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
278.  We're not going to make it
to the hospital.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
279.  Yes, I am.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
280.  I'm going to have this baby
in a hospitalCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
281.  with my husband and the father
of my baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
282.  Unless that father is me.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
283.  In which case,
what you need to do nowCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
284.  is elevate your legs
over your headCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
285.  while facing the northeast
corner of the room.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
286.  But try not to look
at the door, okay?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
287.  That's bad luck and Chang babies
are very superstitious.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
288.  Also if you can visualize
a rabbit riding a dragon,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
289.  it'll increase his chances
of winning lotteries.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
290.  Ben, corner.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
291.  Listen, Shirley, we're having
the baby right here, right now.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
292.  - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
293.  Troy, get every blanket
and coat you can find.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
294.  Anything soft for Shirley
to lie on.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
295.  Annie, I need you to call AndreCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
296.  and tell him
to meet us here instead.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
297.  - Well, what can I do?
- Stop rubbing her shoulders.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
298.  - What are you doing?
- Being natural.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
299.  Jeff, help me move Shirley
to the ground.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
300.  All right,
just stand right here.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
301.  Easy. Easy.
Troy, blankets. There we go.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
302.  Okay.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
303.  I just need to take a lookCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
304.  and see how far along you are.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
305.  Oh, no, I'm sorry, Abed.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
306.  I don't feel comfortable
with you taking a grand tourCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
307.  of my nethers.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
308.  I'd prefer
it was one of the girls.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
309.  I can do it! I can do it!
I'm good at looking!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
310.  I'm here for you, Shirley.
Okay, what do I do?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
311.  Okay, you just need to look
and see if the baby's headCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
312.  - has reached the cervix.
- No problowe, Rob Lowe.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
313.  I take it the head has reached the cervix.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
314.  Oh, God, okay, oh God, alright.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
315.  Not to worry. This kind of thing
happens all the time.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
316.  Are a lot of babies born
in classrooms?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
317.  Well, a lot more are conceived.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
318.  No, Paul, that's off the record
and not true. Sort of.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
319.  - Annie.
- Got to go.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
320.  Hey, okay, due to an unforeseen conflictCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
321.  of genitals, I've been disqualifiedCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
322.  from delivering Shirley's babyCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
323.  so I'm gonna have to walk you through it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
324.  I can't deliver a baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
325.  I'm not properly prepared.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
326.  I need to take a class,
or read a book,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
327.  or shadow a nurse, or at least
have my mom hug me first.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
328.  Oh, God. Oh, God.
I'm seeing spots.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
329.  Oh, my lord, my lord,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
330.  why are you doing
these things to me?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
331.  How have I failed you?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
332.  Either way, someone's got
to calm her down.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
333.  I got this.
Shirley, look at me.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
334.  Look at my face.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
335.  Connect with me.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
336.  - What in the hell?
- I don't know what to do!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
337.  - Chang! Where's Chang?
- What's up, baby?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
338.  You said Chang babies
all come this way?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
339.  Yeah, like a bullet from a gun.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
340.  - And they're all okay?
- Hell, yeah.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
341.  More than okay.
Super babies.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
342.  Seven generations
of little scrappersCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
343.  born in the worst conditions
you can imagine.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
344.  Tell me.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
345.  My cousin slid out feet first
in a pickle barrel.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
346.  My uncle was born
during rainy seasonCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
347.  in a Mongolian sheep pasture.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
348.  My brother, hmm, born under
a crowded noodle barCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
349.  while my grandfather finished
his happy dancing shrimp.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
350.  Nothing can stop us.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
351.  Not the hurricanes.
Not the communists.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
352.  Not the feds.
Not the girl scouts.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
353.  What are you doing?
Get in there.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
354.  Me? Forget it.
I'm the worst.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
355.  Well, that's a discussion
for a different time.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
356.  Look, Britta,
there is something in youCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
357.  that wants to take care
of people so badCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
358.  that you'll do it
until you puke.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
359.  That's what Shirley needs
right now.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
360.  Are you saying I'll be
a good mom?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
361.  What? No.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
362.  Man, you will really force
anything, won't you?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
363.  Just get in there and force
that baby out of Shirley.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
364.  Step aside, people!
Britta for the win!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
365.  Get out of my way.
Okay. I am ready.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
366.  Abed, walk me through this.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
367.  Okay, at each contraction,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
368.  you need to tell Shirley
to push.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
369.  That's it?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
370.  Well, don't tell any doctors
I said this,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
371.  but at this point in time,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
372.  the bus pretty much drives itself.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
373.  Who exactly is the bus
in this scenario? Oh!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
374.  - Oooooh!
- Push!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
375.  - Push, push, push.
- Push, push, push.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
376.  Shirley. Push.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
377.  The head is out!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
378.  Now feel under the neck
for the umbilical cord.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
379.  There's no chord.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
380.  I think that's a good thing,
Britta.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
381.  Oh, I am nailing this!
You're doing great too.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
382.  Chang, more stories.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
383.  Okay, so in World War II,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
384.  a lot of us were rounded up
in labor camps.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
385.  Mining mostly.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
386.  Hundreds of Changs were born
underneath the earth.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
387.  Most spent their first five
years underground.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
388.  - Hey, I'm here.
- Oh, Andre!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
389.  Okay. Hi, baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
390.  - It's gonna be all right.
- Okay.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
391.  It's okay, ma'am.
We can take it from here.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
392.  Guys, I got it.
I'm in the zone.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
393.  Okay, come on, Shirley.
Come on, Shirley.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
394.  Come on, Shirley.
Push push push.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
395.  - Push it!
- Push!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
396.  Here it comes!
It's baby Greendale!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
397.  You guys don't have
to name it that.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
398.  I don't claim that power.
I'm merely the deliverer.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
399.  - Britta, focus.
- Oh, doy. Okay.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
400.  Push, push, push...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
401.  Oh, it's a boy!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
402.  And it's also a black person!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
403.  Not that that's important.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
404.  - Are you sure it's yours, baby?
- Yes.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
405.  It's definitely his.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
406.  I never told you this part,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
407.  but all Changs are born
with tails.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
408.  You kind of dodged
a bullet there.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
409.  Agh! Ugh!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
410.  Did that just happen?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
411.  - It's back.
- It never left.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
412.  - Hi.
- Oh.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
413.  - Oh, we did it, sugar boots.
- No, you did it, baby.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
414.  Congratulations, sir.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
415.  After a fierce campaign,
I happily concedeCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
416.  this baby to you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
417.  - Pretty classy of me.
- Thank you, Chang.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
418.  Couldn't have done this
without you.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
419.  - No bigs.
- Andre.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
420.  Yeah.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
421.  I think I want to name him
after Ben.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
422.  - What?
- Hmm?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
423.  - Really?
- Really?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
424.  Yeah. I mean, you may not
be his father,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
425.  but you helped bring him
into the world.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
426.  All right, well, we'll have
our own little baby Ben...Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
427.  - Bennett.
- Ben Bennett?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
428.  - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, damn.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
429.  - Mm-hmm.
- Okay. No, no. No, that's fine.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
430.  Ben Bennett.
Hi, Ben Bennett.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
431.  Oh, look, he said Chang.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
432.  - No.
- No, he didn't.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
433.  - See? Nothing to it.
- Yeah.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
434.  Can you believe
that's how we comeCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
435.  into this world?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
436.  Screaming, crying,
covered in crap?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
437.  And then somewhere
along the lines,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
438.  we get it into our heads
that we're destinedCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
439.  for greatness.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
440.  We are. I just yanked
a little dudeCopy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
441.  out of my friend.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
442.  Yeah. I guess we passed
Anthropology.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
443.  Look at how teeny
his hands are.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
444.  You're so little, right?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
445.  His fingers
are like good & plenties.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
446.  I know.
I want to eat them.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
447.  - Which is lame.
- Totally.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
448.  This has been quite a day.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
449.  You can expect a cover story
in the next issue.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
450.  In a good way?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
451.  Like an article
about what a good dean I am?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
452.  Absolutely.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
453.  I did it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
454.  I did it.
I am a good dean.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
455.  I am a good dean!
Whoo!Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
456.  Are you sure you want
to do this?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
457.  I know people do it in movies
all the time,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
458.  but there are bound to be
real world consequences.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
459.  I know, but if we take
that test today,Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
460.  we are definitely going
to fail it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
461.  Okay, let's do it.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
462.  What are you guys doing?Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
463.  Cancel school today
or we tell everybody about this.Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
464.  Deal.Copy !req