1. To you!
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2. That was weird.
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3. How can we only sing the last two words?
What happening to the birthday part?
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4. Well, you know Troy's a Jehovah's witness.
He doesn't celebrate birthdays.
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5. Annie and I did our best did our best to keep
the language on the cake compliant
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6. "Hello during a random dessert,
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7. the month and day
of which coincide numerically
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8. with your expulsion from a uterus."
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9. - You guys, I never cry, but...
- All right.
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10. Happy expulsion, Troy,
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11. but after cake,
we cram for realsies.
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12. Guys, finals are coming up.
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13. Yeah, this group is starting to use
special occasions to avoid studying.
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14. I mean, last week we had fondue and played boggle
because Shirley's niece took her bath.
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15. - With bubbles.
- Thank you.
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16. - It's a milestone.
- Funny, because last week
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17. was my birthday,
and nobody noticed and nobody cared.
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18. Pierce...
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19. You don't remember
the huge party we threw?
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20. We need to talk
about those pain killers you're taking.
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21. Because I don't think
you're remembering anything.
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22. - That was a huge party.
- It was the best party of my life!
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23. Gotcha!
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24. Of course I remember my birthday.
What a party.
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25. - Yeah, you still owe me for the cake deposit.
- Oh, you think I don't know that?
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26. Troy...
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27. Troy...
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28. Community 2x10 - Mixology Certification
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29. Kick puncher Detroit!
No way! This is sold out everywhere!
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30. Not everywhere. I got a cousin in Detroit.
They're not crazy about it up there.
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31. This is how you turn 20.
Thanks!
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32. - There's strawberries under there.
- Let me, help you with that.
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33. - I broke my legs, not my gender.
- Ok.
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34. While we're...
Watching this unfold,
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35. some birthday facts to enjoy.
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36. Troy's birthday is tomorrow,
December 4th.
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37. Also born that day, Tyra Banks, Marisa Tomei,
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38. and French cinematographer
Claude Renoir.
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39. - Yes! Jackpot!
- On the Chinese calendar, Troy is a horse.
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40. Like me.
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41. I remember because I'm determined,
self-possessed, and mendacious.
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42. Pierce, what is this?
What are you doing? Explain yourself.
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43. Who made this crappy cake anyway?
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44. - A cake maker. At a cake store.
- They did it wrong.
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45. Troy, we're 1990. We're horses.
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46. - I was born in '89.
- Then...
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47. You were born 21 years ago.
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48. Which would make me 20,
because everyone is 10 for two years.
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49. Because fifth grade is really hard
for every... one.
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50. Mom, how many lies have I been living!
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51. Troy, do you realize
at midnight you are turning 21
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52. as in "the legal drinking age"?
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53. This party just became unacceptable.
We're going out.
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54. Yeap, but you were just complaining
about us having too many parties.
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55. - Too many lame ones. This is real.
- What makes it real?
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56. Well Shirley, think of it
as Troy taking his first bath,
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57. only the bubbles are his manhood.
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58. Yes. I wanna bathe in manhood.
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59. I'm taking you to I street.
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60. Douche street.
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61. Oh, of course you hate cool bars.
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62. I don't suppose
you've ever even been to I street.
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63. No. But I also haven't been
to Beirut.
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64. But I'm sure I will go one day,
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65. because I hear they have lots
of important cultural...
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66. Oh! It's my birthday
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67. Unlike I street, which is douchey.
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68. - Alright, let's hear your great suggestions.
- The red door.
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69. Oh, yeah, the red door!
The red hipster.
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70. Not hipster.
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71. Hipsters haven't discovered it yet.
It's underound.
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72. Why don't we go someplace fun
like peg leg Pablo's?
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73. - They serve virgin mudslides.
- Those are milk shakes, Shirley.
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74. You guys!
All you think about is yourselves.
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75. Think about me. I'm 19.
I can't get into bars.
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76. - Well...
- Yeah, that must be tough, I was in those shoes
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77. Okay, well...
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78. Have fun.
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79. - Fine. I'll get Annie an ID.
- A fake ID.?
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80. It'll real. It just won't be yours.
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81. I will see you at the red door.
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82. Nice try. We're not going
to red poet's society.
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83. Well, we're not going
to douche street either.
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84. Fine. Count of three,
name the least offensive bar
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85. you've ever been to.
One, two, three.
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86. - Flannahan's hole.
- Flannahan's hole.
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87. - Done. Troy, you ride with me?
- Do you even have to ask?
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88. - Pierce, do you wanna ride in my van?
- I'm not a disabled.
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89. I don't need people helping me
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90. doing normal things and doting over me and...
Why don't you just leave...
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91. Okay!
I'll beat you there.
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92. I don't think this girl
looks very much like me.
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93. - Come on, she's a white brunette.
- So is Anne Hathaway.
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94. Go on?
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95. What's your friend doing
with a stack of other people's IDS?
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96. I don't know,
sometimes people sell their ID
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97. when they're leaving the state
and need cash.
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98. So she's a drifter.
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99. A floater.
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100. An urchin.
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101. Caroline Decker
from Corpus Christi, Texas.
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102. Texas?
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103. - Do I need an accent?
- You don't need an accent.
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104. - Howdy, y'all. I'm Caroline Decker.
- Please don't do that.
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105. I guar-un-tee!
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106. - That's Cajun.
- Hihi, Cajun.
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107. - I should research Corpus Christi.
- Annie, relax.
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108. I'm not a relaxed person, Britta.
I think ahead.
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109. I prepare.
I don't improvise my life like...
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110. Caroline Decker,
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111. who probably has really bad credit
and an unfinished mermaid tattoo.
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112. - What?
- Flannahan's hole is closed.
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113. That's not a...
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114. I'm not being clever.
I mean it's out of business.
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115. Well, that's what they get
for trying to please everyone.
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116. - So now what?
- There's a place at third and water.
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117. It's fun, divey,
but not staph infection divey.
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118. It's either got a gross name
or an ironically fancy one.
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119. - Possibly both.
- Oh
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120. The ballroom. Good.
Go to third and water.
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121. Wait, what?
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122. - That wasn't the deal!
- Shirley's pushing back.
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123. Why, 'cause they don't have
plastic menus and milk shakes?
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124. - Why, 'cause they don't have...
- Don't repeat that, you goon!
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125. Jeez. Look, just...
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126. The women are your problem,
and the men are going to the ballroom.
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127. And now I guess I am being clever.
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128. So, plastic menus are bad?
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129. See, this is the kinda stuff
I need to learn.
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130. Plastic menus seems like
a great idea to me
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131. for when you spill something on them,
and your mom says,
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132. "Hey Troy, you're ruining fuddruckers
for everyone."
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133. Troy, you're entering
the next chapter of your life.
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134. Sadly, it's the final chapter,
but it's also the longest.
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135. And if you play it right, the best.
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136. You and I...
We're just two guys now.
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137. Peers. Equals.
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138. So awesome. Maybe later
you'll let me drive your car.
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139. No.
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140. Hello, former enemy.
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141. He's 21 at midnight.
Cool?
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142. - Yeah. Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
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143. Oh, I don't like this place.
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144. You made that clear, Shirley.
Oy vey.
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145. - Caroline Decker from Corpus Christi.
- Annie, you don't need an accent.
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146. If my ID says Texas,
they'll be suspicious.
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147. They're not gonna question your ID,
because you're a hot girl.
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148. We're good for business.
The hotter you are,
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149. the more they'll risk the fine.
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150. - Howdy?
- Go ahead.
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151. Can't be too careful.
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152. I understand.
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153. Hey Shirley!
Welcome back!
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154. You don't know me. Ok?
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155. Yeah
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156. - This place is all right!
- Yeah. It's okay.
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157. These pictures must be
of all the regulars.
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158. You think someday,
I can make it up to this wall?
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159. I don't say this often Troy, but;
Dream a little smaller.
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160. - Can I get you guys anything?
- Oh!
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161. - I'm okay!
- Another MacAllan. Neat.
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162. - Vodka, neat, four olives.
- I'm waiting till midnight.
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163. Sweetie?
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164. Water!
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165. - Where's that accent from?
- Corpus Christi. Texas.
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166. - 78418.
- What are you doin' here in town?
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167. Not much, I reckon...
Just driftin',
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168. floatin', Spittin' in the wind.
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169. General waywardness.
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170. All righty.
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171. Annie, you're in the bar.
You don't have to be from Texas anymore.
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172. I don't know how it works.
I'm not a barfly, Britta.
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173. They have Asteroids.
Slide out.
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174. I'm gonna go
take a little look around.
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175. Me too.
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176. Annie.
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177. - Don't accept any drinks.
- Or invitations to the bathroom.
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178. So what are you gonna order
for your first legal drink?
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179. - What should I get?
- Whatever you want.
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180. - No wrong answers.
- I like beer.
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181. - Don't order beer.
- You've had beer.
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182. - What should I get?
- What do you think you might like?
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183. - I mean, It's your world now.
- Follow your heart.
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184. My uncle Carl played a role in my life.
He taught me how to throw a football.
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185. He passed away this year.
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186. His favorite drink was
a seven and seven.
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187. - Don't order that.
- That's an awful drink.
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188. - You're better than that.
- Horrible. Is a high school drink for girls.
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189. Actually, I'll have a root beer
instead of that water.
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190. - Sure thing.
- Thank you kindly.
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191. Y'all are so nice in this town.
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192. I'm Caroline.
From Corpus Christi.
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193. Grew up on a trout farm.
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194. Deedly-do.
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195. Careful.
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196. You score any higher on this thing,
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197. the Rylans are gonna recruit you
to fight against the Ko-dan empire.
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198. The last starfighter.
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199. Did you get
the 25th anniversary blu-ray?
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200. Was scorpius half-scarran,
half-peacekeeper?
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201. Frell, yes,
I got Starfighter on blu-ray.
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202. You're a fan of the Sci-Fi
original series Farscape.
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203. Can I buy you a drink?
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204. You got some id?
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205. Very funny, punk.
Get outta my way!
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206. I don't know how people like you
even get jobs today.
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207. Do you need help, man?
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208. You'd like that, wouldn't you?
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209. A little turning of the tables.
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210. - The turning of what tables?
- I don't know! Leave me alone!
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211. So I punched her.
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212. Right in the face.
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213. Your probation officer?
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214. - Didn't you get in trouble?
- Hell, yes, I got in trouble!
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215. Wasn't the first time.
Won't be the last.
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216. I'm not exactly known
for my sound judgment.
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217. Back in Corpus christi,
they call me capricious Caroline.
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218. What's capricious mean?
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219. Probably means I'm...
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220. too busy livin' life
to be learnin' $5-words.
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221. Hot damn!
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222. With an aged scotch, never use ice.
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223. Never use ice. Got it.
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224. - Why?
- Destroys it.
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225. At most, what you want, two drops
of spring water. Activates the flavor.
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226. Good lord. Do they have the rules
to high-maintenance poser drinking
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227. on the wall at I street?
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228. - Do they?
- Poser drinking?
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229. Hey, miss vodka, need four olives.
What's that called,
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230. - the too-cool-to-care-tini?
- Is it?
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231. I bet the forced starkness
of that drink order
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232. turns a lotta horn-rimmed heads
at the red door.
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233. I can't wait to understand
these arguments!
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234. Hey, y'all, another round for ya.
Everybody holdin' up?
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235. I'll be back in two shakes
of a rabbit's ass.
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236. Who the hell was that?
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237. I gotta go see a woman
about the female equivalent of a horse.
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238. Classy.
Way to show Troy the ropes.
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239. Shut up, I street.
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240. That woman is a hurricane.
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241. Yeah
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242. Hurricanes are bad Troy.
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243. I know.
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244. I always thought is possible, that
the wormhole Crichton can fell through
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245. moved him across not only space
but also time,
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246. which would suggest that the sebaceans
are our future selves
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247. and Crichton is longing
for a planet that no longer exists.
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248. You're really nursing that beer.
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249. Which it make sense, because,
what kind of wormhole would it be
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250. if it could only move from one place to another
within the same galaxy on the same day?
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251. You know, speaking of wormholes,
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252. what do you say we use one to...
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253. teleport this conversation
someplace a little more private?
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254. That doesn't make any sense.
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255. Wormholes and teleportation
are two different things.
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256. - That's what I've been talking the whole time.
- I noticed.
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257. Cheers.
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258. I followed that band phish,
spells it with "ph".
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259. I lived in parking lots
where they played.
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260. I don't even like their music.
I did it to see if I could do it.
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261. Guess what.
I could!
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262. - So what now?
- I dunno!
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263. Even if I planned it, plans fall off me
like chicken crap off an armadilla.
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264. Annie's the one that plans things,
not me.
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265. Annie's my friend.
She goes to school here.
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266. Thinks she's got it all figured out.
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267. She wants to major
in healthcare management.
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268. What does that even mean?
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269. - No idea.
- I'll tell you what it means.
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270. It means a master's degree,
followed by an internship.
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271. She's got the next 15 years of her life
all mapped out,
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272. and all she gotta do now
is just follow it or screw it up.
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273. - Another soda?
- Actually, gimme a screwdriver.
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274. I got no place to be.
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275. What am I... Annie?
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276. The first season, when you watch it the 2nd time,
is better than the 3rd season,
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277. and the 4th season,
when you watch it the 5th time...
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278. - Ok, uhm, what's your name?
- Abed.
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279. - Abed, I'm Robert.
- Hey Robert.
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280. Abed, would you like to have...
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281. gay sex...
with me?
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282. No, thank you.
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283. Okay, so...
What is wrong with you,
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284. that you can sit here
this whole time
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285. and never pick up on the fact
that a man is hitting on you?
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286. - Oh, I actually did picked up on it after a while.
- You actually...
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287. and...?
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288. I really, really like
talking about Farscape.
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289. - It's a really good show.
- Stargate's better.
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290. Battery depleted.
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291. Oh, man
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292. That is wrong!
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293. Wait.
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294. Hey, there!
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295. What you been up to?
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296. I was just praying
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297. for these poor souls
in these photographs.
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298. That's nice, but...
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299. you missed one.
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300. I found it in the ladies room.
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301. - Give that to me.
- No, no, come on!
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302. Don't feel bad.
This makes us like you way more.
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303. - You think this is really funny.
- Yeah, a little.
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304. I had some bad years.
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305. With a chaser.
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306. Come on. It's a funny picture,
because you act so perfect all the time.
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307. And because you look like a zombie,
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308. but it's not funny when you're sad.
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309. We're on your team, relax.
Sit down, it's my birthday.
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310. Give it to me.
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311. Give it to me.
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312. See you all on Monday.
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313. Jeez
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314. Blue town.
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315. Shirley. Wait.
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316. What?
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317. - Nothing. Get out of my way!
- I can't get out of your way.
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318. I'm stuck in this pl...
The chair broke...
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319. I mean, I can't get...
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320. Could you please help me?
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321. Pretty please?
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322. Thank you, Shirley.
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323. You're welcome, jackass.
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324. Hey, It's my birthday, and
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325. technically, I'm not allowed to drink
for another 45 seconds.
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326. It'll be 30 seconds
by the time I'm done saying this.
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327. - But can I have a seven and seven?
- It's on the house.
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328. Happy birthday, kid.
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329. I prefer that to avatar.
I'd rather have my eyes gouged out.
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330. Imagine the hurt locker as radio play,
would be totally horrible and stupid...
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331. Big boy.
Big, big boy.
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332. You're my big boy.
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333. I think I owe you a birthday.
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334. I'm cool.
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335. I always wanted to drive this thing.
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336. What?
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337. This is my car?
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338. - Don't crash it.
- I'm not gonna crash it!
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339. Crash it, Troy.
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340. Go to sleep Britta.
Go to sleep.
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341. Crash his car, Troy!
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342. Seems like a really dark chapter
in our group story.
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343. - Go to sleep, Abed.
- Cool.
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344. Hey, that's the place
that we shoulda gone to tonight!
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345. Yeah, I street. Exactly.
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346. It's the red door, stupid!
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347. - You see a sign that says I street?
- I street is too cool to have a sign.
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348. It's called I street
after the street it's on.
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349. The red door's on I street.
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350. I street has a red door.
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351. It's the same bar?
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352. You two have been saying
one bar is lame
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353. and the other one is awesome,
all night...
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354. and it's the same bar?
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355. He probably was around Friday nights,
which was lame.
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356. You wish!
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357. Stop. Just stop.
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358. I just spent the last two years,
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359. thinking that you guys
knew more than me about life,
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360. and I just found out
that you guys are just as dumb as me.
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361. Duh-doy.
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362. Yeah, duh-doy.
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363. Got it.
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364. Duh-doy.
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365. Duh-doy.
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366. You can take me home first.
I only live a few blocks from here.
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367. You do?
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368. This is a really
terrible neighborhood.
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369. Yeah.
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370. This is my apartment.
Copy !req
371. Weird night, huh?
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372. Yeah...
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373. Alcohol makes people sad.
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374. It's like the lifetime movies
of beverages.
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375. I pretended to be
a different person tonight.
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376. Abed does that three times a week.
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377. But I did it because
I didn't wanna be me.
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378. I did it because...
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379. I'm not sure who I am.
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380. Admit it, we went to school together for 4 years,
and you didn't even know me.
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381. Yeah, but...
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382. I know you now.
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383. You're Annie.
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384. You like puzzles and...
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385. little monsters on your pencil
and some guy named Mark Ruffalo.
Copy !req
386. You're a fierce competitor
and a sore loser.
Copy !req
387. And you expect everybody
to be better than who they are,
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388. and you expect yourself
to be better than everyone.
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389. Which is cool.
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390. Good night.
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391. Guess everyone's gonna be
pretty embarrassed on Monday?
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392. No.
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393. Everybody just got a little bit drunk.
Nobody did anything that bad, right?
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394. No, wait, wait, wait.
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395. What are we doing?
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396. - Yeah, what are we doing?
- This is a bad idea, right?
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397. Yeah.
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398. Ok,
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399. I flew off the handle earlier.
Copy !req
400. I apologize.
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401. - They were making out.
- Abed, why would you say that?
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402. Why would you do it in front of me?
I'm not a coat rack.
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403. Abed.
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404. No one likes a tattle tail.
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405. Happy birthday, Troy.
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406. Thanks.
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407. You're a man now.
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408. - I don't think this will be big enough.
- Just try it, we're so close!
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409. All right. Breathe in.
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410. Arms.
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411. - 157!
- We did it!
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412. Yes.
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413. That you?
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414. Yeah.
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415. Little help?
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416. - Hurry. I think it's a girl!
- Left side or right side?
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417. - Left side.
- Got it. Tell me when I'm close.
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418. Ok.
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