1. Before we wrap up,
I would like to thank you guysCopy !req
2. for filling out these
anonymous evaluation cards.Copy !req
3. I found your feedback to be
largely constructive and flattering.Copy !req
4. - So, gracias Abed.
- De nada.Copy !req
5. You don't have to sign
your name anymore.Copy !req
6. Got it.Copy !req
7. But there was one evaluation
that was so harsh, and hurtful, and racist...Copy !req
8. that I took the time personally to analyze
that handwriting against past exams.Copy !req
9. And this particular coward...Copy !req
10. dots her I's with tiny,
itty-bitty, little circles.Copy !req
11. Boop. Boop.Copy !req
12. Isn't that precious and cute?Copy !req
13. Who's erratic and unstable
now, princess gringa?Copy !req
14. - Nice day out today, isn't it?
- Yeah. Shoot!Copy !req
15. - You forget something?
- Yeah.Copy !req
16. I forgot to stagger the timing
of my exit with Shirley's.Copy !req
17. We both have a class
across campus, and I can't goCopy !req
18. that kind of distance
with "ooh, that's nice."Copy !req
19. - That's mean.
- No. That's not nice.Copy !req
20. I find Shirley very easy to talk to.Copy !req
21. And besides, aren't you supposed to have,
like, an olympic gold medal in jibber-jabber?Copy !req
22. Yeah, but I'm a sprinter.Copy !req
23. I'm at my best during
high-speed bursts of wit.Copy !req
24. On a Shirley walk, I'd be winded
by that stoner tree.Copy !req
25. Hey, Britta. Hi!
What's up?Copy !req
26. - Hey, Vaughn, how's it going?
- No worries.Copy !req
27. Interesting. 'Cause I might be worried if I
was playing hacky sack a decade too late.Copy !req
28. - My class is that way.
- All right.Copy !req
29. But I just wanted to point out that
we easily walked more than 100 yardsCopy !req
30. with no awkward pauses. And
that is the sign of a true friend, so...Copy !req
31. I'm really glad that you're
not hitting on me anymore.Copy !req
32. There's the awkward pause.Copy !req
33. Excuse me! Oh, sorry, ladies.Copy !req
34. Professor Duncan!
Professor Duncan!Copy !req
35. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
36. - Annie Edison. I'm in your 101 lecture.
- Hello.Copy !req
37. I've heard about your special psych lab.Copy !req
38. - The Duncan Principle.
- Yes.Copy !req
39. And I know it's limited
to second-year students,Copy !req
40. but I had a 4.0 at Riverside High,
and I'm not looking downCopy !req
41. But they actually made me lose
my scholarship and virginity.Copy !req
42. - Right.
- If you would let me take your lab early,Copy !req
43. it would be a real feather
in my transcript.Copy !req
44. Okay, I've actually been
in this situation many times,Copy !req
45. so I'm just going to be up front.Copy !req
46. I'm not allowed to date students.Copy !req
47. Even though you're an eight.Copy !req
48. Which is a British ten, so I'm angry.Copy !req
49. But if, in spite of that,
you are still interested,Copy !req
50. then you may join the lab.Copy !req
51. Okay. You need to bring
two human subjects.Copy !req
52. And it would not hurt your chances one
bit if you could lend me a fiver.Copy !req
53. I seem to have left my purse in my duffle
and my duffle in the boot of my lorry, so...Copy !req
54. I asked politely, and then
panda took his pants off...Copy !req
55. I never even knew
that's what asexual meant.Copy !req
56. I wonder what this
express package could be?Copy !req
57. Somebody had to get
something to me very fast.Copy !req
58. You brought your mail to campus?Copy !req
59. Oh, yes. My ear-noculars.Copy !req
60. What is that? It looks like
your bluetooth thingie.Copy !req
61. No, no, no, no, no.
This is my cell phone headset.Copy !req
62. And this is 'ear-noculars'.Copy !req
63. It's for spies and whatnot.
It gives you sonic hearing.Copy !req
64. - All hearing is sonic.
- What's that?Copy !req
65. So, who wants to be
in a psych experiment?Copy !req
66. Hey, guys, guys, guys?Copy !req
67. Annie is talking about
some kind of experiment.Copy !req
68. She's behind you.
Not interested.Copy !req
69. Please? You get paid.Copy !req
70. - Do they do stuff to your butt?
- No.Copy !req
71. Do you get paid more if they
do stuff to your butt?Copy !req
72. - No.
- That's fine, I'll do it. I'm in.Copy !req
73. How about you, Abed?
It's tomorrow.Copy !req
74. Tomorrow? They're showing all four
Indiana Jones at the vista.Copy !req
75. I'm really looking forward
to the first three. I bought a whip.Copy !req
76. This is really important to me, Abed.Copy !req
77. Could you please go as my friend?Copy !req
78. My really good friend?Copy !req
79. I didn't realize we were
really good friends.Copy !req
80. I figured we were more
like Chandler and Phoebe.Copy !req
81. They never really
had stories together.Copy !req
82. Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.Copy !req
83. Thank you, Abed.Copy !req
84. I'm gonna go save Britta
from that dude.Copy !req
85. Yeah, she looks like she's in trouble.Copy !req
86. Hope he doesn't try to
"handsome" her to death.Copy !req
87. - And panda has no pants.
- Hey.Copy !req
88. Hey, hi, what's up, man? I'm Vaughn.Copy !req
89. - You in line?
- Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
90. We're just, uh,
we're just chillin'.Copy !req
91. Hey, you're not gonna
order coffee?Copy !req
92. - No, I was just gonna see if Britta...
- I mean, no judgment, bro. I used to do coffee.Copy !req
93. Then I made the switch
to green tea. It's, like...Copy !req
94. It's like filled with these
antioxidants and stuff.Copy !req
95. - It's pretty tight.
- Tight, yes!Copy !req
96. I've heard that about green tea.Copy !req
97. I like green tea. I should make the change.Copy !req
98. Up top, sugar bear.Copy !req
99. - Yeah, give me some of that.
- There it is.Copy !req
100. Small coffee, please.Copy !req
101. Britta's making the change to green tea.Copy !req
102. Oh, that's good.
It's good for your skin.Copy !req
103. Welcome, research assistants.Copy !req
104. If you turn your attention to the
monitor, you will see that our subjectsCopy !req
105. are waiting for the
experiment to begin. But...Copy !req
106. it's actually happening right now.Copy !req
107. You see, the waiting is the experiment.Copy !req
108. The Duncan Principle is simple.Copy !req
109. Namely, that the more control
lost by the...Copy !req
110. yeah, I'm gonna write this down
too, actually. That's a good point.Copy !req
111. The more control lost by the ego,
the more gained by the id,Copy !req
112. resulting in a surprisingly predictable,
emotional eruption or breaking point.Copy !req
113. Known to Ma and Pa as
a good old-fashioned tantrum.Copy !req
114. Annie, why don't you, uh,
go and tell our subjectsCopy !req
115. that we're going to be starting the
experiment in five minutes, okay?Copy !req
116. And Annie...Copy !req
117. It's never actually
going to start.Copy !req
118. Let's do this.Copy !req
119. Hi, everyone.Copy !req
120. Hi, Troy.Copy !req
121. Hi, Abed.Copy !req
122. Hi, señor Chang.Copy !req
123. What, a Community College
Spanish teacher can't use 80 bucks?Copy !req
124. Well, we're just running
a little bit behind,Copy !req
125. - so we'll probably start
in about five minutes. - No!Copy !req
126. No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
127. It's unacceptable, all right?
You lied to me!Copy !req
128. When you say something
starts at nine, it starts at nueve!Copy !req
129. No!Copy !req
130. - No!
- Houston, we have an idiot.Copy !req
131. Did you know we walk
the same way after class?Copy !req
132. I'm sure you didn't or else we
would've been walking together.Copy !req
133. Unless you're a jerk.Copy !req
134. Just kidding.Copy !req
135. - Let's do it.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
136. Don't go too fast for
these dogs. Short legs.Copy !req
137. - So, how do you like...?
- You've got a kid, right?Copy !req
138. - What's that?
- Nothing.Copy !req
139. So, Pierce isn't exactly
right in the head, is he?Copy !req
140. I know a lot of grown men with radar
dishes coming out of their ear.Copy !req
141. - He's like inspector gadget.
- Yeah, go, go, gadget incontinence.Copy !req
142. And how about that guy that's always
around, flirting with Britta?Copy !req
143. - I know! He's the worst! Vaughn?
- I know, and what is it with his hair?Copy !req
144. It's perpetually moist.Copy !req
145. Okay, we're three hours in,
so let's review what we've seen.Copy !req
146. And pay close attention to
every subject's breaking point.Copy !req
147. We've got... a shouter.
That one's a stomper.Copy !req
148. Bye, hippie.Copy !req
149. There's a generic whack job, bouncing
up and down like a six-foot child.Copy !req
150. Shaking. Write that down.Copy !req
151. Visible shakes.Copy !req
152. Look, look at the little one
chase the big one.Copy !req
153. Look at him go. I'm gonna make him
go quicker. It's like benny hill looks.Copy !req
154. Whoo, ooh, ooh, get him. Come back
again. Whoo, ooh, ooh, get him.Copy !req
155. All right?
There's a bit of fun.Copy !req
156. It lightens the mood.
And back to the present...Copy !req
157. And then, there were two.Copy !req
158. Break... Break...Copy !req
159. No, no, no! Annie!Copy !req
160. What is going on in there?Copy !req
161. Why...? What is taking so long?Copy !req
162. I've wasted all day here, for you.Copy !req
163. The soul train awards
were tonight.Copy !req
164. You promised butt stuff!Copy !req
165. And... he's out. We got him.Copy !req
166. - Strike three, you're gone.
- There's so much dust in here!Copy !req
167. Do you know what?Copy !req
168. The longer they wait,
the harder they break.Copy !req
169. Buckle up, students.Copy !req
170. Do you see how often
hacky sack takes his shirt off?Copy !req
171. He'd play shirts and skins
in a game of checkers.Copy !req
172. I'm so glad to be able
to talk to someone about this.Copy !req
173. I wanted to say
something to britta about it,Copy !req
174. but we're supposed to be friends now,
and she'd think I was jealous.Copy !req
175. I don't see why you
and Britta aren't together.Copy !req
176. Two cute white people going
to school together. Just seems right.Copy !req
177. Shirley, we're not pandas in a zoo.Copy !req
178. Oh. Oh, dear.Copy !req
179. That is not what I want to see.Copy !req
180. And there goes the shirt.Copy !req
181. Hey.Copy !req
182. Hey, I'm fine.Copy !req
183. Want me to, uh...Copy !req
184. Want me to check you
for grass stains?Copy !req
185. I wasn't sure how or when to bring up
that I was hanging out with Vaughn.Copy !req
186. I figured that you'd
make fun of him... and me.Copy !req
187. Uh, first of all, friends do
not make fun of each other,Copy !req
188. even if they're being tackled
in the quad by a hippie.Copy !req
189. And secondly, Vaughn seems cool.Copy !req
190. Well, you guys should
hang out sometime.Copy !req
191. I gotta go. I... uh, that
was tacky out there.Copy !req
192. - You won't ever see that again.
- Oh, no worries, brah.Copy !req
193. Shirley, did you see
Señor Chang's socks today?Copy !req
194. Tiny bullfighters.Copy !req
195. I can top that. Did you see that
hacky sack wears an anklet?Copy !req
196. Since when won't you
talk about Vaughn?Copy !req
197. Look, I'm trying to be
a good friend to Britta.Copy !req
198. She thought I was gonna make fun of
him, but I want to be unpredictable.Copy !req
199. I'm gonna show her that I'm not
the jerk she thinks I am, and...Copy !req
200. friend the hell out of that
green-tea-drinking drum circler.Copy !req
201. Okay, but tell me you've noticed
how small his nipples are.Copy !req
202. - Not engaging.
- What? It's not gossip when it's fact.Copy !req
203. - My kids have got hamsters
with bigger nips. - No!Copy !req
204. - Oh, well. Jeff!
- No!Copy !req
205. - Is it on pause?
- No, that's just him.Copy !req
206. Sorry you've been waiting 26... hours.Copy !req
207. It's just gonna be
another five minutes.Copy !req
208. Okey-dokey.Copy !req
209. Oh, my...Copy !req
210. Why won't he leave?Copy !req
211. - Professor.
- What?Copy !req
212. I'm sorry, but this guy's not moving.Copy !req
213. I have classes to go to.Copy !req
214. Go! Fine!
Go kill John Lennon again, you loser.Copy !req
215. He's ruined my study.Copy !req
216. He has... He has warped
the Duncan Principle.Copy !req
217. Damn you, you outlying piece of datum!Copy !req
218. It's you!
It's your fault!Copy !req
219. - But you told me to bring subjects.
- Yeah, subjects! Not Rain Man!Copy !req
220. I should never have let you into this lab,
miss Annie fanny panties in a bunch!Copy !req
221. Oh, that's so hilarious!Copy !req
222. Did you think of that the last time
you skipped a trip to the dentist?Copy !req
223. Let me answer that
question with another question.Copy !req
224. It's not fair! It's not fair!Copy !req
225. Why, why, why?Copy !req
226. What are you doing?Copy !req
227. Put... Stop writing!Copy !req
228. Put your pen...!
Give me that!Copy !req
229. Get out!
Get out, you dorks!Copy !req
230. Get out!Copy !req
231. You have destroyed
the Duncan Principle!Copy !req
232. Go home!Copy !req
233. Cool.Copy !req
234. See ya!Copy !req
235. So, uh, Britta said that you did
a lot of community service.Copy !req
236. Ultimate frisbee at the Senior's
center. It is amazing.Copy !req
237. And what makes frisbee ultimate?Copy !req
238. If I had a nickel for every time I wished
somebody asked me that.Copy !req
239. I'm gonna get dessert.
Want anything?Copy !req
240. Carrots.Copy !req
241. Oh, I'm good.Copy !req
242. - Hey, you two.
- Hey.Copy !req
243. Well, that's a cool shirt.Copy !req
244. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
245. - Where's it from?
- Oh, uh, I don't even know.Copy !req
246. I guess it's...Copy !req
247. Hey, look at that.
"Hanes Classic."Copy !req
248. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
249. You know, people
underestimate the elderly.Copy !req
250. You know, but you
see these guys out thereCopy !req
251. and they're throwing the bee,
and they're just loving life.Copy !req
252. - It's just inspiring.
- You know, I'm gonna really...Copy !req
253. - I'm gonna think about it.
- All right. I'm gonna go check on Britts.Copy !req
254. - See ya.
- See ya.Copy !req
255. - You are the devil.
- I know.Copy !req
256. ¿Adónde van ustedes los Sábados?Copy !req
257. Domingo, plus...Copy !req
258. - Oh, okay, I...
- Where do we go on Saturdays...?Copy !req
259. - You said Sunday.
- I have a question for you.Copy !req
260. You like Vaughn, right?Copy !req
261. - Oh, he's very cute.
- I'm just worriedCopy !req
262. that he's thinking
a little bit more intenselyCopy !req
263. about this thing than I am.Copy !req
264. He says stuff, you know, after...Copy !req
265. School?Copy !req
266. - After...
- Dinner mints?Copy !req
267. - After...
- Not having sex?Copy !req
268. - How was that?
- What? Forget that.Copy !req
269. The problem right now
is that he's calling me "babe",Copy !req
270. he's trying to hold my hand.Copy !req
271. It's getting a little relationship-y.Copy !req
272. And he gave me something.Copy !req
273. Herpes?Copy !req
274. No. This.Copy !req
275. - A poem? - How do I respond
to something like that?Copy !req
276. "Thank you"?Copy !req
277. Well, it's a very good question. And
it's one I will answer. Uh...Copy !req
278. Oh, I'm getting a text. I'm just gonna
read it, if you don't mind.Copy !req
279. I am reading it... and it is read.Copy !req
280. "Did you ever notice where
the ocean meets the sky, did ya?Copy !req
281. It's the same wizard blue that
I see in your eye, Britta."Copy !req
282. - "Wizard blue"?
- Yeah.Copy !req
283. Thank you so much.
You just brightened my day.Copy !req
284. I'm so glad we can rip on
that dude again.Copy !req
285. Look at this, look at this.Copy !req
286. That is the stain of a teardrop
over the word "rad."Copy !req
287. Oh, he said "rad"?
I thought he said "bad."Copy !req
288. Oh, that makes it worse.Copy !req
289. - I'm surprised he can read. You know?
- I know.Copy !req
290. Hey, sorry about bailing
on the psych experiment.Copy !req
291. That was the experiment, Troy.Copy !req
292. We were testing to see how long
people would wait in the room.Copy !req
293. Oh, gotcha.Copy !req
294. - "Gotcha"? That's all you have to say?
- Yeah.Copy !req
295. You sat in a room for 26 straight
hours. Didn't that bother you?Copy !req
296. - Yeah, I was livid.
- Then why didn't you leave?Copy !req
297. Because you asked me to stay
and you said we were friends.Copy !req
298. Wait. Is this still
part of the experiment?Copy !req
299. He's more like a puppy
with a fish mouth.Copy !req
300. Right, right, it's more like this.Copy !req
301. That's right. Laugh it up.Copy !req
302. You guys want to know
what they're doing?Copy !req
303. - Yeah.
- Sure.Copy !req
304. Making fun of all of us.Copy !req
305. I heard you with my own
ear... noculars.Copy !req
306. - Pierce, we are not making fun of you.
- Ah-hah. Calling me "hacky sack",Copy !req
307. and ripping my six pack abs
and my moist hair.Copy !req
308. And that face you made?Copy !req
309. Well, I think it's pretty obviously, Annie.Copy !req
310. Okay, this is definitely still
part of the experiment.Copy !req
311. - Pierce, we were not
making fun of you. - Yeah.Copy !req
312. We're making fun of Britta's
boyfriend Vaughn.Copy !req
313. Oh, good. Well, in that case.Copy !req
314. But if we're gonna do something,
let's do it as a team.Copy !req
315. I'll get the ball rolling.
Maybe he has a tiny penis.Copy !req
316. - Who is this guy?
- You all have got to see him.Copy !req
317. Everything's all,
"no worries, no worries."Copy !req
318. And he always says hello
three times in a row.Copy !req
319. Hello, good evening,
how are you?Copy !req
320. And... here, look!
He wrote a poem!Copy !req
321. - Can I read it?
- We shouldn't show that.Copy !req
322. - It's fine.
- So I'll be done in, like, an hour.Copy !req
323. - Yeah, no worries.
- He just said it!Copy !req
324. - Guys, you've met Vaughn, right?
- Hey. What's up? Hi.Copy !req
325. - What a fool.
- This troop's got a case of the giggles, huh?Copy !req
326. Wait... is that...?Copy !req
327. Did you give them my poem?Copy !req
328. No!Copy !req
329. Okay, well, why is the dinosaur
rocking a picture of my poem?Copy !req
330. Here, read it.Copy !req
331. Oh, you guys are... right?Copy !req
332. You guys are laughing at me, aren't you?Copy !req
333. - Yeah.
- No.Copy !req
334. That's, uh, wow.Copy !req
335. This is the least tight thing
that's ever happened to me.Copy !req
336. I can't believe you.Copy !req
337. Honestly, Jeff, how dare you?Copy !req
338. I can hear him outside. He's crying.Copy !req
339. Now he's barking.Copy !req
340. - Jeff, wait! I'm sorry I sold you out.
- Britta is never gonna forgive me.Copy !req
341. I can't believe I showed you that
poem. Oh, my god, my life is Degrassi High.Copy !req
342. Oh, Jeff, I have a gossip problem.Copy !req
343. I stir the pot, Jeff. I'm a pot stirrer.Copy !req
344. This isn't even the only study
group I've had this year.Copy !req
345. You see those ladies over there?Copy !req
346. I used to be in their group
till they kicked me out.Copy !req
347. They called me "tattle-ina."
It's a bumblebee nickname.Copy !req
348. It's cute, but it stings.Copy !req
349. Hey, look at the size
of that woman's earrings.Copy !req
350. It's like little dogs
should be jumping through them.Copy !req
351. - This is never going to work. This has to end.
- Look at them.Copy !req
352. Shirley, don't do this.
Look, we can still hang out.Copy !req
353. It's just, you know,
we won't bag on people.Copy !req
354. Come on, Jeff. What are
we gonna talk about?Copy !req
355. My kids? Your doctor career?Copy !req
356. - I was a lawyer.
- See? I'm already bored.Copy !req
357. Well, we'll always have
"tiny nipples."Copy !req
358. They were tiny.Copy !req
359. Okay. Jeff, wait, wait.
I know I shouldn't do this,Copy !req
360. but one last little piece of gossip.Copy !req
361. Britta told me she had
a sex dream about you.Copy !req
362. You still have a chance.Copy !req
363. - Details.
- Mm.Copy !req
364. Details! Details!Copy !req
365. Abed, here.Copy !req
366. I wanted to say sorry
for yelling at you.Copy !req
367. Indiana Jones. Cool.Copy !req
368. I just got the first three because...Copy !req
369. - The fourth one blows.
- The fourth one blows.Copy !req
370. We're cool.Copy !req
371. - Britta!
- I do not want to talk to you.Copy !req
372. No, I know and I'm sorry.Copy !req
373. I'm really sorry.
I'm really, really sorry,Copy !req
374. - and I will go talk to Vaughn if you
want me to. - Vaughn broke up with me.Copy !req
375. - You broke my trust. You suck.
- No, I know, and I'm sorry,Copy !req
376. but I was in a tough position.Copy !req
377. I couldn't handle
just being one of the girls.Copy !req
378. What do you want to be?Copy !req
379. Is there a spot on
the friendship spectrumCopy !req
380. between total stranger and having
to hear about the guys you date?Copy !req
381. And ideally, just a notch underneath, driving
you to the airport and painting your kitchen?Copy !req
382. How about the friend level where you
sometimes have to cat-sit?Copy !req
383. Done. And if I'm occasionally naked
in your dreams, I won't complain.Copy !req
384. - Shirley.
- I know.Copy !req
385. She's got a problem.
She stirs the pot.Copy !req
386. She's a pot stirrer.Copy !req
387. Sorry, dudes.Copy !req
388. No worries, man.Copy !req
389. Yeah, some worries, man.
Some worries.Copy !req
390. Shirley would have said
something funny about that guy.Copy !req
391. And so I told him...
Oh, hey, Jeff.Copy !req
392. Shh.Copy !req
393. Oh, no.Copy !req
394. Pierce! Pierce,
give me your ear-thing.Copy !req
395. Got rid of it.Copy !req
396. You see, Jeff, there are certain things
man was not meant to hear.Copy !req
397. We were designed by...
whatever entity you choose,Copy !req
398. to hear what's in this range,
and really, this range alone.Copy !req
399. 'Cause you know who's
talking to us in this range?Copy !req
400. The people we love.Copy !req
401. He must have heard us
call him Inspector Gadget.Copy !req
402. Oh, I think it's time for burning man.Copy !req
403. Ew, I'm Saddam Hussein. Ew.Copy !req
404. Nice to meet you, dude.Copy !req
405. Oh, wow. I love reading and
being a desperate housewife.Copy !req
406. Hey, man, coming through. I love
the desperate housewives.Copy !req
407. I'm Dr. Doogie Seacrest. I think I'm better
than everyone else because I'm forty.Copy !req
408. I'm not forty.Copy !req
409. I can hear you through
the window, morons.Copy !req
410. Just pretend like you're asleep.Copy !req
411. Just pretend like you were sleeping.Copy !req