1. I think I'm failing
Psychopharmacology.Copy !req
2. Why are you taking that?Copy !req
3. I thought it was a class
about crazy farm animals, okay?Copy !req
4. Let's finish the unit.
I don't wanna be late for lunch.Copy !req
5. Amar is to love, right?Copy !req
6. Oh, speaking of love,Copy !req
7. Shirley, how's it going
with the sexy dreadlock guy?Copy !req
8. Oh, I'm sure I don't have
a chance with him.Copy !req
9. Abed and I talked to him
by the vending machine.Copy !req
10. He asked about you.
He specifically asked about me?Copy !req
11. When Annie brought you up,
he asked, "Who is that?"Copy !req
12. Abed.
Oh.Copy !req
13. What?
That's what he said.Copy !req
14. Abed, your social skills
aren't exactly streets ahead.Copy !req
15. You know what I mean?
I don't.Copy !req
16. You're not alone in this case.
Pierce.Copy !req
17. Stop trying to coin the phrase,
"Streets ahead."Copy !req
18. Trying?Copy !req
19. Coined and minted.Copy !req
20. Been there, coined that.Copy !req
21. "Streets ahead"
is verbal wildfire.Copy !req
22. Does it just mean cool,
or is it supposed to beCopy !req
23. like miles ahead?Copy !req
24. If you have to ask,
you're streets behind.Copy !req
25. Okay. We can banter
if we wanna banter.Copy !req
26. But I'm leaving for lunch early.
Me too.Copy !req
27. - Me three.
- Streets ahead.Copy !req
28. Man, you guys really love
these stupid chicken fingers.Copy !req
29. They're the only good thing
in the cafeteria.Copy !req
30. I haven't had one in weeks.
They run out so fast.Copy !req
31. If God were edible,
not that I'm Catholic,Copy !req
32. but if it was cool to eat God,
he'd be a chicken finger.Copy !req
33. Mm-hm.Copy !req
34. Well, I wouldn't know.
I'm a vegetarian.Copy !req
35. - Oh, shocker.
- Yeah.Copy !req
36. If you guys knew
how they treatedCopy !req
37. the animals that you're eating,
you would eat them even fasterCopy !req
38. to put them
out of their misery.Copy !req
39. And then
you would throw up.Copy !req
40. I don't know,
maybe I'm feelingCopy !req
41. extra protective
of animals todayCopy !req
42. because my cat is sick.Copy !req
43. Oh, a cat?
That's awful.Copy !req
44. He has diabetes.Copy !req
45. He can't even make it
to the litter box.Copy !req
46. - Chicken run.
- Whoo!Copy !req
47. I'm afraid that I'm gonna
have to put her to sleep and—Copy !req
48. Mm-hm.Copy !req
49. Aw, go on.
God bless you.Copy !req
50. Save some for me!Copy !req
51. Troy.Copy !req
52. I can hear those
fingers calling my name.Copy !req
53. Troy.
Troy, Troy.Copy !req
54. Did you get my text message?Copy !req
55. Did you get my text message?Copy !req
56. Um, I think it's...Copy !req
57. Hi.Copy !req
58. I gotta stop hanging
out with her.Copy !req
59. She sounds like
a chicken finger.Copy !req
60. Again?Copy !req
61. Outrageous.Copy !req
62. At least apologize.Copy !req
63. How can you just stand there
like a mute idiot?Copy !req
64. Well, throat surgery might
humanize you.Copy !req
65. It doesn't make
this acceptable.Copy !req
66. So cute.Copy !req
67. And I don't even normally
like dreadlocks.Copy !req
68. Hello.Copy !req
69. His dreadlocks remind me
of the Predator.Copy !req
70. Which is weirdCopy !req
71. because you're doing
the actual hunting,Copy !req
72. and you seem invisible to him.Copy !req
73. Abed, you know what I do?Copy !req
74. Before I talk, I ask myself,Copy !req
75. "What am I about to say?Copy !req
76. And how might it affect
each person listening?"Copy !req
77. I'm really glad you said that.Copy !req
78. The idea that you compulsively
filter yourselfCopy !req
79. makes your lack of flavor
kind of a flavor.Copy !req
80. Sorry, guys,
they ran out again.Copy !req
81. Something's gotta be done.Copy !req
82. Oh, I love chicken fingers.Copy !req
83. Hey.
Oh, you're the man.Copy !req
84. What the hell, man?Copy !req
85. That's half our problem
right there.Copy !req
86. Star-Burns works the fryer
and skims fingers.Copy !req
87. No way.
He gives them to peopleCopy !req
88. just so they'll act like he
isn't Star-Burns.Copy !req
89. Well, I may not eat meat,Copy !req
90. but I am not gonna eat
that injustice.Copy !req
91. Let's complain.
Yeah.Copy !req
92. We complain, he gets a warning,
learns to be sneakier.Copy !req
93. I say we knock him out
of the kitchen,Copy !req
94. replace him with one
of our own all in one move.Copy !req
95. Then we're the ones
with the chicken.Copy !req
96. It's like a mafia movie.Copy !req
97. As far back as I can remember,Copy !req
98. I always wanted to be
in a mafia movie.Copy !req
99. Cool.
That's exactly what it's like.Copy !req
100. And you get the most
important job.Copy !req
101. You're gonna be fry cook.Copy !req
102. Watching
different movies.Copy !req
103. You worked in your dad's
restaurant.Copy !req
104. Apply for the job
after we get Star-Burns fired.Copy !req
105. I don't know.
I don't know about the firing.Copy !req
106. I think he really relies
on that income.Copy !req
107. Yeah, man.Copy !req
108. Every day you flock
like sheep and wait in lineCopy !req
109. for a broken promise
from a dirty system.Copy !req
110. Back in those days,Copy !req
111. Jeff was the guy
that made things happen.Copy !req
112. He always knew what to say,
and when to slap the table.Copy !req
113. You wanna be sheep,
keep flocking.Copy !req
114. You wanna be wolves,
form a pack.Copy !req
115. And that was it.
It was that simple.Copy !req
116. At that moment,
we stopped being a familyCopy !req
117. and started being a family
in italics.Copy !req
118. Britta got cozy
with Star-Burns.Copy !req
119. Can I touch both of—? Oh.
Yeah.Copy !req
120. He lowered his guard.Copy !req
121. He was gone.Copy !req
122. I mean, the way Jeff saw it,
by not respecting us,Copy !req
123. Star-Burns had basically
brought it on himself.Copy !req
124. And when his job opened up,
we did what we had to doCopy !req
125. to keep the list of applicants
to a minimum.Copy !req
126. I had worked
in my dad's restaurant,Copy !req
127. so I had an impressive
résumé.Copy !req
128. It's very impressive.
Especially your reference.Copy !req
129. Just give them a call
right now.Copy !req
130. But we weren't taking
any chances.Copy !req
131. The fix was in.Copy !req
132. Trump Tower, this is Donald.Copy !req
133. Well, he can deep-fry
the hell out of chicken.Copy !req
134. Troy even applied
for the same jobCopy !req
135. and gave the world's
worst interview.Copy !req
136. Just to make me look better,
and that was that.Copy !req
137. This was the glorious time.Copy !req
138. No more racing to
the cafeteria. No more lines.Copy !req
139. To us, lines were for suckers,
hacks, sheep.Copy !req
140. We were wolves.Copy !req
141. And we had the chicken
to prove it.Copy !req
142. To victory.Copy !req
143. It feels unfamiliar,
but it tastes like chicken.Copy !req
144. Hi.
Hello.Copy !req
145. You guys are lucky.
They're always running out.Copy !req
146. Would you like one?Copy !req
147. The name's Shirley, memorize it.Copy !req
148. I will, Shirley.Copy !req
149. See that, ladies? The universe
goes by supply and demand.Copy !req
150. The more you take and use,
the more it sends.Copy !req
151. Somebody's been
taking extra.Copy !req
152. What's in that container?
Eight fingers.Copy !req
153. Abed.
Abed's study group.Copy !req
154. Why you giving Chang chicken?
We have an agreement.Copy !req
155. If you get caught skimming,
you get fired.Copy !req
156. We all go back to eating
like Britta.Copy !req
157. Yeah, we put you in that job.Copy !req
158. I dressed like a crazy pharaoh
for you, man.Copy !req
159. You make the fingers, Abed,
not the decisions.Copy !req
160. I'm sorry.
It's okay, buddy.Copy !req
161. But just remember,
these things have power.Copy !req
162. So just let me know
next time you haveCopy !req
163. any more agreements,
all right?Copy !req
164. I agreed to give Chang
eight fingers per lunchCopy !req
165. in exchange for a 10 percent
bump on every test for us.Copy !req
166. - Oh.
- Okay,Copy !req
167. Abed makes the fingers
and the decisions.Copy !req
168. Yeah, I'm gonna pass
Spanish class.Copy !req
169. At Greendale, they were always
out of chicken fingers.Copy !req
170. So whoever could get them
had power.Copy !req
171. I the guy was in the apron,
so I came up with a system.Copy !req
172. Pretty soon half the chicken
at GreendaleCopy !req
173. was going out the side door.Copy !req
174. Everybody in our crew
had a job.Copy !req
175. T-Bone was the bag man.Copy !req
176. He'd move the fingers
to a storeroomCopy !req
177. where two girls
did the packaging.Copy !req
178. We could trust them
not to eat the supplyCopy !req
179. because Britta
was a vegetarian.Copy !req
180. And Shirley figured that if
she stole, she'd go to hell.Copy !req
181. They'd hand the stuff
out the window to Annie.Copy !req
182. She was the leg man,
the distributor.Copy !req
183. The crazy thing was,
it was their food.Copy !req
184. And we were stealing it
and giving it back to themCopy !req
185. like it was a big favor.Copy !req
186. Nobody asked any questions,Copy !req
187. because Pierce's experience
as a CEOCopy !req
188. had taught him how to keep
the wheels from squeaking.Copy !req
189. I had it all worked out
on a schedule.Copy !req
190. You know,
I've never been fired.Copy !req
191. The minute
you thought about busting usCopy !req
192. was the minute
you had chicken in your hand.Copy !req
193. It's just insulting
that you're eatingCopy !req
194. his chicken fingers
in front of me.Copy !req
195. Everyone had their hand out.
Everyone wanted what we had.Copy !req
196. Oh. Well, here you go.Copy !req
197. And Jeff had the most
important job of all.Copy !req
198. He was at the top.
He was the boss.Copy !req
199. He was our leader.Copy !req
200. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
201. AV kids hooked it up.Copy !req
202. Abed supplied
the whole departmentCopy !req
203. with chicken fingers.Copy !req
204. You think that's good,
check out my posseCopy !req
205. and Troy's monkey.Copy !req
206. Troy, why do you have a monkey?Copy !req
207. It's an animal
that looks like a dude.Copy !req
208. Why don't I have
10 of them?Copy !req
209. Guys, look at
what Abed scored for me.Copy !req
210. It has a million zippers,
and it was free.Copy !req
211. Oh, robot.Copy !req
212. I am a robot.Copy !req
213. I am programmed
to love this backpack.Copy !req
214. This is insane.Copy !req
215. More insane than programming
them to replace auto workers?Copy !req
216. What?Copy !req
217. Okay, okay, if you're not
in this study group, please...Copy !req
218. No, no.
That means you, sexy dreadlocks.Copy !req
219. Britta's hairdresser.
What?Copy !req
220. Pierce's hackneyed entourage.Copy !req
221. Hackneyed?Copy !req
222. You see the turban guy?
Yes...Copy !req
223. in a '90s ski movie
that featured an entourage.Copy !req
224. Don't you think
this is getting out of hand?Copy !req
225. We won't get caught. We have
campus security on the take.Copy !req
226. Abed's got it all figured out.Copy !req
227. Well, that's a relief.
Yeah, it's pretty coolCopy !req
228. being friends with
the biggest man on campus.Copy !req
229. Isn't that right,
Annie's Boobs?Copy !req
230. Please rename that thing.Copy !req
231. This time,
not with a contest on Twitter.Copy !req
232. It's his Twitter account.
He can do what he wants.Copy !req
233. They are my body parts.Copy !req
234. Know what I don't appreciate?
I do not consent to this.Copy !req
235. You'll be begging
for his company.Copy !req
236. I own that.Copy !req
237. I wouldn't threaten a monkey.Copy !req
238. They have more lactic acid
than us.Copy !req
239. Shared my chicken with him.
Talk to the backpack.Copy !req
240. - You're the worst, Annie.
- Streets ahead.Copy !req
241. - Now, where's he going?
- Uh, hello?Copy !req
242. Line starts behind you.
Oh, he's cool.Copy !req
243. Six fingers every Wednesday.Copy !req
244. Cool. And what can you offer?Copy !req
245. - I have a bicycle.
- And I teach beginner's tennis.Copy !req
246. Cool, okay.Copy !req
247. Six fingers Wednesdays,
all right.Copy !req
248. We'll be in touch, Janel.Copy !req
249. Thank you, Abed.
You're welcome.Copy !req
250. Hey, Jeff.
Hey, buddy.Copy !req
251. It's quite a setup
you got here.Copy !req
252. Yeah,
I'm pretty excited about it.Copy !req
253. It turns out everyone has needs
and everyone has functions.Copy !req
254. Look, I've been thinking.Copy !req
255. Maybe I need to hit
the big red buttonCopy !req
256. and bring an end
to this operation.Copy !req
257. I mean, it's been fun,
but it's out of control now.Copy !req
258. Am I right?
I don't know.Copy !req
259. The entire campus
is controlled by our group.Copy !req
260. Our group is controlled
by chicken,Copy !req
261. and the chicken is controlled
by me.Copy !req
262. Float?
I'm good.Copy !req
263. Abed,
the mafia movie is over.Copy !req
264. I'm not doing a mafia movie.Copy !req
265. I don't need to use
movies or TV showsCopy !req
266. to talk to people anymore.Copy !req
267. I needed them
because the day-to-day worldCopy !req
268. made no sense to me,
but now everyone's speakingCopy !req
269. the same language:
chicken.Copy !req
270. I understand people
and they understand me.Copy !req
271. People are gonna get tired of
chicken. I'm tired of chicken.Copy !req
272. You're not tired of chicken.
You miss the taste of control.Copy !req
273. Well, that's crazy.Copy !req
274. Is it?Copy !req
275. The very thing that drove youCopy !req
276. to this room
is what would prevent youCopy !req
277. from properly running
this machine.Copy !req
278. Or even being a cog in it,
your ego.Copy !req
279. I see. I see.Copy !req
280. This has been about me
the whole time.Copy !req
281. You want a shot
at the Jeff Winger throne?Copy !req
282. You better bring
a powerful ass.Copy !req
283. Oh, and for your information,
I don't have an ego.Copy !req
284. My Facebook photo
is a landscape.Copy !req
285. You're the best, Eduardo.Copy !req
286. Thank you all for coming.
Can we make this quick?Copy !req
287. I need to give a banana
to Annie's Boobs.Copy !req
288. Abed is drunk
with chicken power.Copy !req
289. He's gone from lovable
Johnny Five to evil HAL.Copy !req
290. Hal Holb—
Not Hal Holbrook.Copy !req
291. What are you saying?Copy !req
292. You all have to stop working
for him.Copy !req
293. Let this operation dry up
and let his wheels spin down.Copy !req
294. At which point you would be
in charge again, right?Copy !req
295. - What?
- This is so sad.Copy !req
296. You're jealous of Abed
because he's providing for us.Copy !req
297. I'm concerned about Abed because
he won't listen to reason.Copy !req
298. Won't listen to your reason.Copy !req
299. Why should he?
Jeff's so not—Copy !req
300. Say, "Streets ahead,"
and die.Copy !req
301. Streets ahead.Copy !req
302. You wanna boss me around?Copy !req
303. Get me an entourage.
Get Troy a monkey.Copy !req
304. That's what a real boss does.Copy !req
305. We probably shouldn't
be talking to himCopy !req
306. without checking with Abed.
I'm trying him.Copy !req
307. He's not picking up.
What did you do with him?Copy !req
308. I don't believe
what greedy selloutsCopy !req
309. you people turned out to be.Copy !req
310. I'm not gonna stand
and be ignored.Copy !req
311. Shh. Voicemail. Hey, Abed!Copy !req
312. Jeff says you're not
listening to him.Copy !req
313. Does that mean we shouldn't
listen to him either?Copy !req
314. Oh, also, should we make special
jackets for our crime family?Copy !req
315. Like blazers with
chicken finger patches.Copy !req
316. I don't know,
long message, I'm sorry.Copy !req
317. That's it.Copy !req
318. - Oh!
- Abed!Copy !req
319. I'm walking out
this door right now.Copy !req
320. Okay.
Okay, bye.Copy !req
321. For real.
Good.Copy !req
322. I'm not gonna look back.
Mm-hm.Copy !req
323. - Goodbye.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
324. - Abed.
- Hi, hi, yeah.Copy !req
325. Yeah, I got you fired.Copy !req
326. You deserved it.Copy !req
327. Maybe, maybe not.Copy !req
328. The question is,
what do they deserve?Copy !req
329. Key to the kitchen.Copy !req
330. There's a valve on the back
of the chicken fryerCopy !req
331. that's not made anymore.Copy !req
332. Now, say someone
were to remove it.Copy !req
333. The fryer wouldn't work.Copy !req
334. Forever.
How petty do you think I am?Copy !req
335. Jeff leaving the familyCopy !req
336. didn't turn out
to be a problem.Copy !req
337. Okay, I think we're
set for the quiz.Copy !req
338. Yep.
See you guys in class.Copy !req
339. Oh, wait, before you go.Copy !req
340. Oh, free notebooks.Copy !req
341. But the family's success
started to go to their heads.Copy !req
342. They didn't have college ruled?
No, sorry.Copy !req
343. It's okay.Copy !req
344. Abed?
Yeah?Copy !req
345. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure.Copy !req
346. We have a situation.Copy !req
347. Hey.
Who is this?Copy !req
348. Travis. You wanted someone
in your entourage named Travis.Copy !req
349. Show him your license.Copy !req
350. Travis is his middle name.Copy !req
351. I go by Travis.
No, you go by the door.Copy !req
352. See you, Travis.Copy !req
353. Abed?
Yep?Copy !req
354. No, no, no.Copy !req
355. My monkey hates
this caviar.Copy !req
356. Troy, isn't that—?Copy !req
357. They were spoiled, fat, lazy.
I'd given them everythingCopy !req
358. and somehow
I'd lost their respect.Copy !req
359. So I did the only thing
I could think of.Copy !req
360. I did what I thought
Jeff would do.Copy !req
361. I sent them a message.Copy !req
362. Somebody's backpack.Copy !req
363. These were the bad times.Copy !req
364. There he is.Copy !req
365. Jeff, Jeff.
Jeff.Copy !req
366. Jeff, Abed killed my backpack.Copy !req
367. I caught him stuffing
my man full of chicken.Copy !req
368. Tyler Perry has movies
about why that's wrong.Copy !req
369. That little Arab
is off his rocker.Copy !req
370. He released Annie's Boobs.Copy !req
371. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere.Copy !req
372. Could be—
We got it.Copy !req
373. The monkey's name
is Annie's Boobs.Copy !req
374. Look what Abed did to my hair.Copy !req
375. I feel terrible for all of you.Copy !req
376. Wait, no, I don't, because
I warned you about all this.Copy !req
377. You were so high on your
backpacks and hairstyles,Copy !req
378. you accused me of being jealous.Copy !req
379. You were right.
But what can we do?Copy !req
380. I'm sorry, you brushed over
that first part.Copy !req
381. Together.Copy !req
382. You were right.Copy !req
383. Now, what you can do
is go homeCopy !req
384. and write that
on your bathroom mirror.Copy !req
385. Wouldn't that make it
like I was right?Copy !req
386. Yeah.
I don't have a mirror.Copy !req
387. It's not reversed
because you're the—Copy !req
388. You'd have the mirror
behind you.Copy !req
389. And I would like—Copy !req
390. As for Abed,Copy !req
391. for his sake, I guess
I'll have to take him out.Copy !req
392. Poor little guy.
Oh, good, that's nice.Copy !req
393. Abed.Copy !req
394. What are you doing?
Making Tater Tots.Copy !req
395. You were right,
people got sick of chicken,Copy !req
396. but I was close. I just need
a new food, new system.Copy !req
397. I'm gonna experiment
with jalapeño poppers,Copy !req
398. then Zucchini Zircles.
I don't get it.Copy !req
399. It's not that complicated, Jeff.Copy !req
400. Replaced the C in circle
with a Z for zucchini.Copy !req
401. No, I mean,
why are you here?Copy !req
402. You said you were close?Copy !req
403. What were you close to?Copy !req
404. To the group?
To people?Copy !req
405. Don't do a special episode
about me.Copy !req
406. Oh. I wouldn't dream of it.Copy !req
407. Everyone else needs my help.Copy !req
408. That's what people don't get,
is that they need to get me.Copy !req
409. I need to be able to connect
to people like you can,Copy !req
410. and then I can make
everyone happy.Copy !req
411. Do you know why I'm here?Copy !req
412. You got caught
with a fake degree.Copy !req
413. They started using that
on Law & Order.Copy !req
414. Total rip-off.Copy !req
415. I'm here to dismantle
the fryer.Copy !req
416. To cut your power off
at its source.Copy !req
417. Don't you see
what happened?Copy !req
418. I manipulated the group into
getting you the fry cook jobCopy !req
419. so I could have some chicken.Copy !req
420. And you turned it all into a way
to make everyone like you.Copy !req
421. Made me ashamed of myself,
made me jealous.Copy !req
422. Maybe this is
a special episode.Copy !req
423. It's pretty alarming behavior.
Yeah.Copy !req
424. There's specialists
you could talk to.Copy !req
425. Maybe I should do that.Copy !req
426. In the meantime,
let's make a deal.Copy !req
427. I'll help you connect
with people,Copy !req
428. and you help me do a better job
with them.Copy !req
429. Like Knight Rider.
Exactly.Copy !req
430. Like Knight Rider.
Deal.Copy !req
431. I'll put on a leather jacket,Copy !req
432. make out with an aerobics
instructor. Pull around front,Copy !req
433. startle passers-by with
your ability to talk.Copy !req
434. Maybe we should just stay hereCopy !req
435. and have a plate
of chicken fingers.Copy !req
436. Cool.Copy !req
437. Can we eat them
while sitting on a tableCopy !req
438. like in Sixteen Candles?
Pick one reference, Abed.Copy !req
439. Sixteen Candles.Copy !req
440. And just like that,
the mafia movie was over.Copy !req
441. I quit the fry cook job,Copy !req
442. somewhat for the sake
of the family,Copy !req
443. but mostly for the sake
of Jeff's ego, poor guy.Copy !req
444. Things went back to normal.Copy !req
445. Everyone's back to being
a bunch of regular schnooks.Copy !req
446. And I'm back to being a weirdo.Copy !req
447. Back to watching
from the outside for now.Copy !req
448. There's still not enough
chicken fingers.Copy !req
449. No way, no seriously.
What?Copy !req
450. As soon as our family
moved out,Copy !req
451. a new syndicate moved in
to take its place.Copy !req
452. But you know what they'll never
make a replacement for?Copy !req
453. Friends.Copy !req
454. Okay, thank you.
That's great, Abed.Copy !req
455. But could you
just answer the question?Copy !req
456. What was it?Copy !req
457. Do you know
who might have stolenCopy !req
458. a box of hairnets
from the kitchen?Copy !req
459. Someone with hair.
I'm gonna write that down.Copy !req
460. Ready?Copy !req
461. Oh, that's nice.
Never been done.Copy !req
462. Here I come.Copy !req
463. Back up the same staircase.Copy !req
464. - It's good.
- Double escalator.Copy !req
465. Wow. I haven't seen that before.
How did you think of that?Copy !req
466. - And now for our signature trick.
- Awesome elevator.Copy !req
467. No.
I can't do it.Copy !req
468. I got babies.
I gotta get home.Copy !req
469. It's their loss.
Yeah.Copy !req
470. That was awesome.
Yeah.Copy !req