1. How do we turn this off? Mom, you think
you can help me turn this off?Copy !req
2. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
How do we turn this off?Copy !req
3. Can you help me with this?
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.Copy !req
4. I didn't mean to snap.Copy !req
5. Good morning. Many of you
are halfway through...Copy !req
6. your first week here at Greendale
and as your dean...Copy !req
7. I thought I would share a few thoughts
of wisdom and inspiration.Copy !req
8. What is community college?
Well, you've heard all kinds of things.Copy !req
9. You've heard it's loser college
for remedial teens...Copy !req
10. 20-something dropouts,
middle-age divorcees...Copy !req
11. and old people keeping their minds active
as they circle the drain of eternity.Copy !req
12. That's what you heard.
However, I wish you luck!Copy !req
13. Okay, you know— Uh-oh.
Okay, there's more to this speech.Copy !req
14. There's actually a middle card
that is missing.Copy !req
15. Can we all look around our immediate areas,
'cause I really wanted to—Copy !req
16. I'm only half-Arabic, actually.
My dad is Palestinian.Copy !req
17. He's a U.S. citizen. He's not a threat
to national security or anything.Copy !req
18. A lot of people want to know that after they
meet him, because he has an angry energy.Copy !req
19. But not, like, angry at America.
Just angry at my mom for leaving him.Copy !req
20. Although she did leave because he was angry
and he was angry because she's American.Copy !req
21. My name's Abed, by the way.Copy !req
22. Abed, nice to know you
and then meet you in that order.Copy !req
23. - Now about that question that I had—
- Oh, uh...Copy !req
24. 5 after 11:00 when you asked.Copy !req
25. - Abed?
- Yeah?Copy !req
26. What's the deal with the hot girl
from Spanish class?Copy !req
27. I can't find a road in there.Copy !req
28. Well, I only talked to her once
while she was borrowing a pencil, but...Copy !req
29. her name is Britta, she's 28,
birthday in October...Copy !req
30. she has two older brothers and one of 'em
works with children who have a disorder...Copy !req
31. I might want to look up.Copy !req
32. Oh, and she thinks she's gonna flunk
tomorrow's test, so she really needs to focus...Copy !req
33. so she's sorry
if that makes her seem cold.Copy !req
34. Holy crap. Abed...Copy !req
35. I see your value now.Copy !req
36. That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.Copy !req
37. Absolutely not.Copy !req
38. These guys knew you like I did,
they would have given you a small office.Copy !req
39. Jeff Winger!
Genius at law.Copy !req
40. - You got to stop saying that.
- I will never do that. Sit down.Copy !req
41. I still cannot figure out
how you got a jury...Copy !req
42. to connect September the 11th with my DUI,
let alone why that helped.Copy !req
43. Well, 2002 was a simpler time.Copy !req
44. So what is my lawyer doing here?Copy !req
45. I'm a student.Copy !req
46. Well, that cannot be
an inspiring journey.Copy !req
47. Uh, I am in a bit of a jam.Copy !req
48. The state bar has
suspended my license.Copy !req
49. They found out my college degree
was less than legitimate.Copy !req
50. I thought you had a bachelor's
from Columbia.Copy !req
51. Now I have to get one from America.
And it can't be an email attachment.Copy !req
52. Well, you've picked a fine school.Copy !req
53. Yes, and I'm hoping
that our friendship...Copy !req
54. will yield certain advantages.Copy !req
55. - You know, academic guidance...
- Yes.Copy !req
56. moral support,
every answer to every test...Copy !req
57. for every one of the classes
that I'm taking. Here's my schedule.Copy !req
58. No. Now, Jeff,
just by asking that...Copy !req
59. you have insulted the integrity
of this entire institution.Copy !req
60. Oi! Waster!
Not a bathroom!Copy !req
61. - Not a bathroom.
- Okay.Copy !req
62. Duncan, you did seem less
into integrity...Copy !req
63. the day that I convinced
12 of yours peers...Copy !req
64. that when you made
that u-turn on the freeway...Copy !req
65. and tried to order chalupas
from the emergency call box...Copy !req
66. that your only real crime
was loving America.Copy !req
67. Well, I do love America.
I love it very much.Copy !req
68. Mmm?Copy !req
69. I— I love chalupas.Copy !req
70. But?Copy !req
71. - I'll look into it.
- Thank you.Copy !req
72. Duncan, you are a good man.Copy !req
73. Jeff, are you familiar with the adage,
"Cheaters never prosper"?Copy !req
74. No, and if I wanted
to learn something...Copy !req
75. I wouldn't have come
to community college.Copy !req
76. Timecodes - gius :::Copy !req
77. - Oh, hey! Spanish.
- Uh, don't hit on me, okay?Copy !req
78. Whoa.
I wouldn't dream of it.Copy !req
79. I just wanted to let you know
about my Spanish study group.Copy !req
80. Oh, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
81. The guy who's playing bejeweled
on his iPhone all class has a study group?Copy !req
82. Um, can I sign up twice?Copy !req
83. I'm taking the class as an easy credit.
I'm actually a Spanish tutor.Copy !req
84. - Board certified.
- Can you say that in Spanish now?Copy !req
85. - I really need help with Spanish.
- Yeah, I was willing to bet. I'm Jeff...Copy !req
86. or Jefe.Copy !req
87. - The group meets at the library at 4:00.
- Britta. Thanks.Copy !req
88. You're gonna be there?Copy !req
89. Poquito mas.Copy !req
90. That means, "see you there".Copy !req
91. Shouldn't be too hard
to fake a study group, right?Copy !req
92. Oh, geez, I'm sorry.Copy !req
93. I was raised on TV
and I was conditioned to believe...Copy !req
94. that every black woman over 50
is a cosmic mentor.Copy !req
95. Were you conditioned to pay
for your damn tacos, Sein-field?Copy !req
96. Yes, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
97. It's Seinfeld.Copy !req
98. Bien— Bien—
Bienvenido.Copy !req
99. Bienvenido.Copy !req
100. "Bienvenuto"!
Hey, all right, come on in.Copy !req
101. Uh, got the whole table.
Welcome.Copy !req
102. - Yeah, got the whole room.
- Yeah, here's the, uh...Copy !req
103. contact sheet.
Just put your stuff there.Copy !req
104. Man.Copy !req
105. Rest of the group is running late.
But you and I can get acquainted.Copy !req
106. You may have noticed this morning,
not so good at the small talk.Copy !req
107. - Yeah, I like big talk. What's your deal?
- That's not small talk?Copy !req
108. What's your deal
and is God dead?Copy !req
109. All right, you want to know my deal?Copy !req
110. I dropped out of high school
because I thought...Copy !req
111. for some reason
it would impress Radiohead.Copy !req
112. You'd be surprised
what gets back to these guys.Copy !req
113. I, um— I joined the Peace Corps.Copy !req
114. Did a little foot modeling.Copy !req
115. I got tear gassed
at a world trade rally.Copy !req
116. Marry me.Copy !req
117. And I guess, Jeff, my deal is,
above all else, honesty.Copy !req
118. - Honesty?
- Yeah.Copy !req
119. You tell me the truth, I will like you.
You lie to me, I will never talk to you again.Copy !req
120. - That's my deal.
- Ah, that's a good deal.Copy !req
121. - So what's your deal?
- Uh, I would have to go—Copy !req
122. I would have to say,
um, honesty...Copy !req
123. because...Copy !req
124. I would say anything to get what I want
and I want you to like me.Copy !req
125. So, uh—Copy !req
126. Wow.
That's a very honest answer.Copy !req
127. All right, now I like you fine.Copy !req
128. Really? Wow.
You're easy.Copy !req
129. Hell yeah.Copy !req
130. Abed in the house!Copy !req
131. - Whoo!
- Whoo!Copy !req
132. - Whoo. Why?
- Britta invited me. Is that cool?Copy !req
133. Oh, I can't think of a single
logical reason why not.Copy !req
134. - Cool.
- There you go.Copy !req
135. Oh, hey, here. Put your contact info
down right there. That's right.Copy !req
136. Cool, cool, cool.Copy !req
137. Cool, cool, cool.Copy !req
138. Hey, this is kind of like
Breakfast Club, huh?Copy !req
139. - We are in a library.
- Yeah, I'm sure...Copy !req
140. we've each got an issue balled up inside of us
that would make us cry if we talked about it.Copy !req
141. Do you have something
balled up inside of you?Copy !req
142. Well, I got a little doozy
in the chamber if things get emotional.Copy !req
143. Hey, text message.
Let's give this bad boy a read.Copy !req
144. - It's probably just for you.
- I've never gotten one of these.Copy !req
145. They're— It's probably— You just—Copy !req
146. "Say you have to pee.
I need to talk to you."Copy !req
147. - "Say you have to pee."
- That is weird.Copy !req
148. - "Say you have to pee. I need to—"
- Yeah, do you have to pee?Copy !req
149. - No.
- Hmm.Copy !req
150. - That's so weird.
- Well, I'm stumped. That's very creepy.Copy !req
151. That makes two of us.Copy !req
152. - What's that?
- Does it say you have to pee?Copy !req
153. No, it's just someone with
a misguided grasp of abbreviation.Copy !req
154. I just need five minutes, you guys,
so go ahead and study all the...Copy !req
155. verbs... in Spanish.Copy !req
156. - Abed?
- Yeah?Copy !req
157. What's your read on that guy?Copy !req
158. You look like Elisabeth Shue.Copy !req
159. Just act natural.Copy !req
160. Pretend you're watching
the athletic proceedings.Copy !req
161. You couldn't stop me
from watching them.Copy !req
162. There's a guy trying out for the track team
that is older than the game of poker.Copy !req
163. He's kind of trucking.Copy !req
164. Suppose I was to say to you it was
possible to get those test answers?Copy !req
165. I would say, "go for that",
and could have said so in a text.Copy !req
166. I'm asking you if you know the difference
between right and wrong.Copy !req
167. I discovered at a very early age
that if I talk long enough...Copy !req
168. I could make anything
right or wrong.Copy !req
169. So either I'm God
or truth is relative.Copy !req
170. - And in either case, Booyah.
- Oh, interesting.Copy !req
171. It's just the average person has
a much harder time saying...Copy !req
172. "Booyah", to moral relativism.Copy !req
173. Duncan, you don't have to play shrink
to protect your pride.Copy !req
174. I accept.
You're chicken.Copy !req
175. Are you trying to use reverse psychology
on a psychologist?Copy !req
176. No, I'm just using regular psychology
on a spineless, British twit.Copy !req
177. I'm a professor!
You can't talk to me that way.Copy !req
178. A six-year-old girl could talk
to you that way.Copy !req
179. - Yes, because that would be adorable!
- No, because you're a five-year-old girl...Copy !req
180. and there's a pecking order.Copy !req
181. - Fine! I'll do it!
- Thank you.Copy !req
182. Yeah, pleasure.Copy !req
183. Bye!Copy !req
184. Yes!
Good!Copy !req
185. Why am I still shouting?
I'm drawing attention to myself.Copy !req
186. You guys aren't gonna believe this,
but the rest of the group...Copy !req
187. is here.Copy !req
188. Are you the board-certified tutor?Copy !req
189. That means you do my homework,
right, Seacrest?Copy !req
190. I need to call my babysitter
if we're gon' be later than 10:00.Copy !req
191. What board certifies a tutor?Copy !req
192. - Where's Britta?
- Not sure.Copy !req
193. But I invited more people
from Spanish class. Is that cool?Copy !req
194. It's the coolest.Copy !req
195. I'm gonna go to the bathroom...Copy !req
196. and bring my jacket, wallet,
and keys with me...Copy !req
197. in case there's a fire.Copy !req
198. Should we go with him?Copy !req
199. I'm leaving my homework
with Slumdog Millionaire over here.Copy !req
200. That's borderline racist, I think.Copy !req
201. And busted.Copy !req
202. - Uh, listen.
- Now you know. I'm a smoker.Copy !req
203. Yeah, but they're filtered,
so that makes them safe.Copy !req
204. You ready to get started? Looks like
the rest of your group showed up.Copy !req
205. Yeah, not mine, actually. I think
Abed took out a page on Craigslist.Copy !req
206. And I was trained never
to say this...Copy !req
207. but I think that group
may be untutorable.Copy !req
208. Oh, really?Copy !req
209. So why don't you and I go study over—Copy !req
210. - Dinner?
- Or drinks.Copy !req
211. I think, actually,
we should prioritize here...Copy !req
212. and study first
and then go to dinner.Copy !req
213. And if they really prove
to be untutorable...Copy !req
214. we'll slip out early.Copy !req
215. Oh... they will be...Copy !req
216. untutorable.Copy !req
217. All right.Copy !req
218. Look at this crew.
All ready to study all night.Copy !req
219. - Well, I can stay at least till 10:00.
- But who studies with strangers, right?Copy !req
220. - My name is Jeff.
- Jeff, it's a pleasure.Copy !req
221. My name is Pierce Hawthorne
and, yes...Copy !req
222. That is Hawthorne as in Hawthorne Wipes,
the award-winning moist towellete.Copy !req
223. I was just going to ask.Copy !req
224. I'm also a toast master, so perhaps
I should do the introductions.Copy !req
225. - Definitely!
- All right, you already know Brittles.Copy !req
226. - Britta.
- Abed. Abed the Arab.Copy !req
227. - Is that inappropriate?
- Sure.Copy !req
228. Roy. Roy the wonder boy.Copy !req
229. - Troy.
- Little Princess Elizabeth.Copy !req
230. Annie.Copy !req
231. And finally, this beautiful creature
is named Shirley.Copy !req
232. Is that even close?Copy !req
233. I'd like to know why I had to find out
about this group on accident?Copy !req
234. This is getting way more
like Breakfast Club now.Copy !req
235. - There's breakfast?
- Okay, um, maybe we should get started—Copy !req
236. I've been a part of a lot of study groups,
that fell apart because of unresolved tension.Copy !req
237. Shouldn't we address Annie's concern?
Did we not invite her?Copy !req
238. Well, Annie, sweetie,
it's not behind your back.Copy !req
239. Can we stop with the
"pumpkins" and the "sweeties"?Copy !req
240. Being younger does
not make me inferior.Copy !req
241. If anything, your age indicates
that you've made bad life decisions.Copy !req
242. - Shirley has a response to that.
- No, no, no. I don't.Copy !req
243. - You should. It looks like you do.
- Shirley, go ahead.Copy !req
244. Okay, okay. Um...Copy !req
245. I'm sure I've made
some bad life decisions...Copy !req
246. and maybe Annie's decisions
will be better.Copy !req
247. But I think she needs to decide whether
she wants to be considered a child...Copy !req
248. or an adult, because children get pity
when not respected.Copy !req
249. Adults, they get respect...Copy !req
250. but they also get the back of they head grabbed
and their face pushed through jukeboxes.Copy !req
251. Okay. Why don't we try learning
"jukebox" in Spanish?Copy !req
252. - What are you doing?
- Pierce!Copy !req
253. - Let's discuss this creepiness.
- Pardon you?Copy !req
254. - What are you doing?
- I'm certified.Copy !req
255. Are you unaware that Shirley
finds your advances inappropriate?Copy !req
256. What advances?Copy !req
257. You have been sexually harassing me
since the very first day of class.Copy !req
258. Sexually harassing?Copy !req
259. What?
That makes no sense to me.Copy !req
260. Why would I harass somebody
who turns me on?Copy !req
261. Saying she turns you on
is the harassment, dude.Copy !req
262. Hey.Copy !req
263. I am a prominent business leader
and a highly sought after dinner guest...Copy !req
264. and I will not take courting advice
from some teenage boy.Copy !req
265. Well, this teenage boy
is a quarterback and a prom king.Copy !req
266. You're not prom king anymore, Troy.
This isn't Riverside High.Copy !req
267. How'd you know I went there?Copy !req
268. Because you're still wearing
your stupid letter jacket...Copy !req
269. and more importantly,
I sat behind you in algebra.Copy !req
270. Well, you're the girl that got
hooked on pills and then dropped out.Copy !req
271. You're little Annie Adderall.Copy !req
272. Yes, and you are a stupid jock...Copy !req
273. who lost his scholarship by dislocating
both shoulders in a keg stand.Copy !req
274. Keg flip.
They're very hard to pull off.Copy !req
275. You don't know—
I'm a legend.Copy !req
276. Would everybody just—Copy !req
277. You know what I got for Christmas?Copy !req
278. It was a banner year
at the Bender family.Copy !req
279. I got a carton of cigarettes.Copy !req
280. The old man grabbed me, he said,
"Hey, smoke up, Johnny!"Copy !req
281. "No, dad! What about you?"Copy !req
282. Well, uh...Copy !req
283. that— that actually was from
the Breakfast Club.Copy !req
284. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.Copy !req
285. Dirty dancing.
Hello?Copy !req
286. It's professor Duncan.
Come to the parking lot now.Copy !req
287. What's wrong with your voice?Copy !req
288. I'm disguising it.Copy !req
289. Uh, I'll be right back.Copy !req
290. But while I'm gone, you guys need
to hash this stuff out.Copy !req
291. No stone unturned.Copy !req
292. Go!Copy !req
293. What is he talking about?Copy !req
294. Get in the car!Copy !req
295. Act as if we've either just finished
or yet to begin driving.Copy !req
296. Every answer to every test
in your curriculum this semester.Copy !req
297. I knew you could do it, buddy.
Thank you.Copy !req
298. Whoa there, grabby-grabby.Copy !req
299. - What do I get?
- The satisfaction of being even.Copy !req
300. Even, fairness, right, wrong.
There is no God. Booyah, Booyah.Copy !req
301. What do you want from me?Copy !req
302. Your Lexus.Copy !req
303. My car for a semester's
worth of answers?Copy !req
304. Will it be just
a semester though, Jeff?Copy !req
305. Won't you be taking the easy way out
for the next four years?Copy !req
306. I want payment in advance.Copy !req
307. I want leather seats
with built-in ball warmers.Copy !req
308. You know, bluffs this weak are how
your people lost the colonies.Copy !req
309. Have a nice disbarment hearing.Copy !req
310. What am I supposed to drive?Copy !req
311. Why don't you take this car?
It's good for the earth.Copy !req
312. Yeah, so is wiping your butt with a leaf,
but it's not how a man gets around!Copy !req
313. - It is a disaster in there.
- Yeah, untutorable.Copy !req
314. You like Thai food?
I love Thai food.Copy !req
315. Wait, so this is a game to you?
You put human beings...Copy !req
316. into a state of emotional shambles
for a shot at getting in my pants?Copy !req
317. Why can't you see that
for the compliment that it is?Copy !req
318. Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry.
It was an accident.Copy !req
319. I did a little bit of lying
to get close to you.Copy !req
320. But how was I supposed to know
that you were smart and cool?Copy !req
321. I mean, you look
like Elisabeth Shue.Copy !req
322. - You're unbelievable.
- What do you want me to do?Copy !req
323. Oh, maybe one decent thing could be
to go in there and clean up your mess.Copy !req
324. Okay, I am the Barack Obama
of this room.Copy !req
325. Okay, if I do that,
then dinner, right?Copy !req
326. I'm here to learn Spanish!
I got children at home!Copy !req
327. Yeah, fine, whatever.Copy !req
328. As if there's a dinner on earth
that could make me forget...Copy !req
329. you are a shallow douchebag.Copy !req
330. Oh, you're gonna eat those words
when you see my new car.Copy !req
331. All right, everybody!Copy !req
332. I want to say something.
Sit down.Copy !req
333. You don't have to yell.
I don't appreciate your tone.Copy !req
334. You know what makes humans
different from other animals?Copy !req
335. Feet.Copy !req
336. No, no, no. Come on.
Bears have feet.Copy !req
337. We're the only species on earth
that observes Shark Week.Copy !req
338. Sharks don't even observe
Shark Week, but we do.Copy !req
339. For the same reason
I can pick up this pencil...Copy !req
340. tell you it's name is Steve,
and go like this.Copy !req
341. And part of you dies
just a little bit on the inside...Copy !req
342. because people can connect
with anything.Copy !req
343. We can sympathize with a pencil.
We can forgive a shark.Copy !req
344. And we can give Ben Affleck
an Academy Award for screenwriting.Copy !req
345. - Big mistake.
- He's got a point.Copy !req
346. People can find the good in just
about anything but themselves.Copy !req
347. Look at me. It's clear to all of you
that I am awesome...Copy !req
348. but I can never admit that,
because that would make me an ass.Copy !req
349. But what I can do is see
what makes Annie awesome.Copy !req
350. She's driven.
We need driven people...Copy !req
351. or the lights go out
and the ice cream melts.Copy !req
352. And Pierce.
We need guys like Pierce.Copy !req
353. This guy has wisdom to offer.Copy !req
354. - The Dalai Lama and I—
- We should listen to him sometime.Copy !req
355. We wouldn't regret it.
And Shirley.Copy !req
356. Shirley has earned our respect,
not as a wife, not as a mother...Copy !req
357. but as a woman.Copy !req
358. And don't test her on that,
because that thing about the jukebox...Copy !req
359. was way too specific
to be improvised.Copy !req
360. And Troy.Copy !req
361. Who cares if Troy thinks
he's all that?Copy !req
362. Maybe he is.Copy !req
363. You think astronauts go to the moon
because they hate oxygen?Copy !req
364. No, they're trying to impress
their high school's prom king.Copy !req
365. And Abed.Copy !req
366. Abed's a shaman.
You ask him to pass the salt...Copy !req
367. he gives you a bowl of soup,
because you know what?Copy !req
368. Soup is better.
Abed is better.Copy !req
369. You are all better
than you think you are.Copy !req
370. You are just designed not to believe it
when you hear it from yourself.Copy !req
371. Soup?Copy !req
372. I want you to look
to the person to your left.Copy !req
373. Sorry. Look at the person
sitting next to you.Copy !req
374. Look at her?
Okay.Copy !req
375. - This?
- Yeah.Copy !req
376. I want you to extend
to that person...Copy !req
377. the same compassion that you extend
to sharks, pencils, and Ben Affleck.Copy !req
378. I want you to say to that person,
"I forgive you."Copy !req
379. - I forgive you.
- I forgive you.Copy !req
380. - I forgive you.
- You little twerp.Copy !req
381. Pierce, I'd like you to say,
"I forgive you."Copy !req
382. He didn't say it?Copy !req
383. You've just stopped being
a study group.Copy !req
384. You have become something
unstoppable.Copy !req
385. I hereby pronounce you a community.Copy !req
386. Oh, that's nice.
I like that.Copy !req
387. This isn't like Breakfast Club anymore.
Now it's like Stripes or Meatballs.Copy !req
388. Anything with Bill Murray, really.Copy !req
389. I agree with Abed that tonight
has been very special.Copy !req
390. And now, if you'll excuse me...Copy !req
391. I have a dinner engagement
with Britta.Copy !req
392. - Britta?
- I lied.Copy !req
393. Thanks for calming everyone down.
But since you're not a Spanish tutor...Copy !req
394. just a lying creep
who purposely upset everyone...Copy !req
395. in an attempt to get with me,
I'd appreciate it if you left...Copy !req
396. and stopped wasting all of our time.Copy !req
397. Everybody ready?Copy !req
398. Fine.Copy !req
399. And I'm happy to report...Copy !req
400. that one of the benefits
of being a lying creep...Copy !req
401. is having all the answers
to tomorrow's test.Copy !req
402. And I'm happy
to share them with anyone...Copy !req
403. whose time I've wasted more
than they've wasted mine.Copy !req
404. Uh, Jeff, if you have
all the answers...Copy !req
405. why the hell did you start
this study group?Copy !req
406. I don't have a study group, Pierce.
I made it up.Copy !req
407. - What about the "look left" speech?
- Made it up. That's what I do.Copy !req
408. I make things up
and I got paid a lot of money...Copy !req
409. to do it before I came
to this school-shaped toilet.Copy !req
410. - I was a lawyer.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
411. That explains everything.Copy !req
412. You know, I thought you were like
Bill Murray in any of his films...Copy !req
413. but you're more like Michael Douglas
in any of his films.Copy !req
414. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
415. Well, you have Asperger's.Copy !req
416. "Ass burger."Copy !req
417. - It's a serious disorder.
- It really is.Copy !req
418. If it's so serious,
why don't they call it meningitis?Copy !req
419. Yeah.Copy !req
420. - "Ass burger."
- Burger for your ass.Copy !req
421. Jeffrey, before you say anything you may want
to think about the gift you've been given.Copy !req
422. - An excuse to punch a hippy?
- No. No, not that.Copy !req
423. An important lesson, my friend.Copy !req
424. You see, the tools you acquired
to survive out there...Copy !req
425. will not help you here at Greendale.Copy !req
426. What you have, my friend,
is a second chance at an honest life.Copy !req
427. Why are people trying
to teach me things...Copy !req
428. at a school that has
an express tuition aisle?Copy !req
429. Give me my keys.Copy !req
430. No, I have to keep the car
for the lesson— the less—Copy !req
431. Don't hit me.
Please, don't hit me.Copy !req
432. Jeffrey?
Jeffrey, are we cool?Copy !req
433. Are we cool?Copy !req
434. We cool.Copy !req
435. I like you, Jeffrey.Copy !req
436. You remind me of myself
at your age.Copy !req
437. I deserve that.Copy !req
438. You know...Copy !req
439. I've been divorced... seven times.Copy !req
440. Sometimes I think
I'm doing something wrong.Copy !req
441. You keep getting married.Copy !req
442. I never looked at it that way.Copy !req
443. Shouldn't you guys be studying?Copy !req
444. Yeah, things got kind
of boring after you left.Copy !req
445. Let me ask you something.Copy !req
446. People been clowning me about
this jacket since I got here, but...Copy !req
447. if I take it off to make them happy,
that just makes me weak, right?Copy !req
448. Listen.
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
449. You lose the jacket to please them.
You keep it to piss them off.Copy !req
450. Either way, it's for them.
That's what's weak.Copy !req
451. Wow.Copy !req
452. You just wrinkled my brain, man.Copy !req
453. - He's good, isn't he?
- He's real good.Copy !req
454. Shouldn't you be rolling around
on a bed covered in test answers?Copy !req
455. I don't have any of the answers.Copy !req
456. I'm gonna—
I'm gonna flunk the test.Copy !req
457. You just, like, study for, like, an hour.
It's not that hard.Copy !req
458. You seem pretty smart.
You got a sports coat.Copy !req
459. Well, me.Copy !req
460. Funny thing about being smart
is that you can get through most of life...Copy !req
461. without ever having
to do any work.Copy !req
462. So, uh...Copy !req
463. I'm not really sure how to do that.Copy !req
464. What's going on?Copy !req
465. Can you guys hear me?
Am I deaf?Copy !req
466. - Can you hear me talking right now? Yes?
- Yes.Copy !req
467. That's good.Copy !req
468. You know what?Copy !req
469. Jeff, actually,
we didn't get that far without you...Copy !req
470. so if you want
to come back upstairs—Copy !req
471. Really?Copy !req
472. Well, it is your study group, so.Copy !req
473. - Come on, let's study.
- Sounds good.Copy !req
474. No pressure.Copy !req
475. I'm sorry I called you Michael Douglas
and I see your value now.Copy !req
476. Well, that's the nicest
thing anyone's ever said to me.Copy !req
477. Timecodes - gius :::Copy !req