Comedy Central Presents 5x3

1. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

2. ANNOUNCER>> FROM NEW YORK CITY,

3. THE SKLAR BROTHERS.

4. RANDY>> ALL RIGHT.

5. JASON>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

6. WE ARE PSYCHED THAT YOU GUYS ARE

7. IN A GOOD MOOD.

8. 'CAUSE THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT

9. SET OF COMEDY FOR RANDY AND

10. MYSELF.

11. RANDY>> THERE'S SOME INDUSTRY

12. PEOPLE HERE TO SEE US PERFORM.

13. JASON>> WE DON'T WANT TO LET

14. THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG.

15. RANDY>> TONIGHT IS AN AUDITION.

16. JASON>> IT IS.

17. IT IS.

18. TONIGHT, RANDY AND I,

19. IN ADDITION TO DOING THIS

20. SPECIAL, WE ARE AUDITIONING

21. FOR THE HBO YOUNG, JEWISH,

22. IDENTICAL TWIN, COMEDIAN

23. SPECIAL.

24. RANDY>> EXACTLY.

25. JASON>> NOW...

26. AND THIS YEAR THEY'RE ONLY

27. TAKING HOW MANY?

28. RANDY>> THIRTEEN.

29. JASON>> THIRTEEN SETS OF JEW

30. TWINS.

31. SO, FINGERS CROSSED...

32. RANDY>> YEAH.

33. JASON>> SO... SO WE, AH...

34. WE KIND OF LEAD THIS COLLEGIATE

35. LIFESTYLE.

36. WE WATCH A LOT OF TELEVISION,

37. BUT WE'RE CUTTING BACK.

38. RANDY>> 19 HOURS A DAY.

39. JASON>> CUTTING BACK TO 19.

40. AND WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE EXPERTS

41. ON T.V., AND WE HAVE A NEW

42. FAVORITE LATE NIGHT TELEVISION

43. COMMERCIAL.

44. RANDY>> IT'S A COMMERCIAL

45. FOR THE "GIRLS GONE WILD" VIDEO.

46. SOME OF YOU KNOW IT.

47. JASON>> BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU

48. WHO DON'T...

49. RANDY>> HERE IS THE HOOK.

50. JASON>> HERE'S THE SELLING POINT

51. TO THE VIDEO.

52. RANDY>> IT'S NORMAL GIRLS.

53. JASON>> NOT STRIPPERS AND

54. HOOKERS.

55. RANDY>> IT'S NORMAL GIRLS LIKE

56. YOU AND ME.

57. JASON>> LIKE US.

58. RANDY & JASON>> NORMAL GIRLS.

59. RANDY>> GONE WILD.

60. AND THEIR DEFINITION OF GOING

61. WILD IS THESE GIRLS LIKE,

62. LIFTING UP THEIR SHIRTS AND

63. GETTING NAKED IN PUBLIC PLACES.

64. SO, THE BEST PART OF THE

65. COMMERCIAL, THOUGH, THIS IS OUR

66. FAVORITE, ARE THE ANNOUNCERS.

67. BECAUSE IT'S JUST GIRLS LIFTING

68. UP THEIR SHIRTS.

69. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

70. BUT THE ANNOUNCERS MAKE SUCH A

71. HUGE DEAL OUT OF THIS

72. METAMORPHOSIS, THIS

73. TRANSFORMATION, FROM NORMAL GIRL

74. TO WILD GIRL THAT THE ANNOUNCERS

75. ARE ACTUALLY THE ONLY ONES WHO

76. ARE GOING WILD ON THE VIDEO.

77. RANDY>> EXACTLY.

78. THEY'RE HILARIOUS.

79. ANNOUNCER VOICE>> SINCE THE DAWN

80. OF TIME, IF WE'VE LEARNED

81. ANYTHING, IT'S THAT NORMAL GIRLS

82. HAVE A CAPABILITY OF GOING WILD.

83. JASON>> WELL NOW...

84. NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER

85. CAPTURED ON VIDEOTAPE,

86. WE'VE GOT NORMAL GIRLS.

87. RANDY>> NOT STRIPPERS.

88. JASON>> NORMAL GIRLS.

89. RANDY>> NOT PROSTITUTES.

90. JASON>> NORMAL GIRLS...

91. RANDY>> GONE WILD.

92. JASON>> LIKE THIS GIRL...

93. RANDY>> SHE'S A SENIOR AT TEXAS

94. CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY.

95. JASON>> NORMAL!

96. RANDY>> SHE'S A PHILOSOPHY

97. MAJOR.

98. JASON>> NORMAL!

99. RANDY>> SHE SHOPS FOR ARTWORK

100. AT BED BATH AND BEYOND...

101. JASON>> NORMAL!

102. RANDY>> BUT WATCH WHAT HAPPENS

103. WHEN THIS SO-CALLED NORMAL GIRL

104. GOES DOWN TO MARDI GRAS...

105. JASON>> OH, MY GOD!

106. SHE'S TAKING OFF HER SHIRT!

107. SHE'S GONE WILD!

108. RANDY>> GIRLS GONE WILD.

109. JASON>> WILD!

110. RANDY>> WILD!

111. IT'S NOT JUST THE VACATION GIRLS

112. GOING WILD.

113. OH, NO, THE WORKING WOMAN HAS

114. GOTTEN INTO THE ACT, TOO.

115. CHECK OUT WHAT OUR VIDEO CAMERAS

116. CAUGHT IN THIS CORPUS CHRISTIE

117. COURTROOM.

118. JASON>> YOUR HONOR, I OBJECT.

119. MY CLIENT WAS NOWHERE NEAR

120. THE SCENE OF THE CRIME,

121. AND WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT.

122. NOW, I KNOW, YOU ARE THE ONLY

123. FEMALE JUDGE IN THE STATE OF

124. TEXAS, BUT I MOVE FOR A

125. MISTRIAL.

126. RANDY>> COUNSELOR I THINK YOUR

127. ARGUMENT IS BOTH CLEAR AND

128. CONCISE, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE

129. TO SAY... OBJECTION OVERRULED!

130. JASON>> OH, MY GOD!

131. RANDY>> SHE'S GUILTY, ALL RIGHT.

132. RANDY & JASON>> GUILTY OF GOING

133. WILD.

134. RANDY>> WE MOVED TO LOS ANGELES,

135. SO WE DON'T LIVE IN NEW YORK

136. ANYMORE.

137. WE MOVED INTO OUR NEW APARTMENT.

138. THE VERY FIRST DAY.

139. FIRST TIME.

140. WE WERE JUST PLUGGING STUFF IN,

141. WE WERE PLUGGING OUR NEW PHONE

142. IN THE WALL FOR THE FIRST TIME.

143. JASON>> TRUE STORY.

144. RANDY>> NOT FIVE MINUTES AFTER

145. WE PLUGGED IT IN.

146. JASON>> DUDE, I THINK IT WAS

147. EVEN LIKE FOUR MINUTES.

148. RANDY>> FOUR MINUTES AFTER

149. WE PLUGGED IT IN, WE GOT A CALL

150. FROM A TELEMARKETER.

151. JASON>> HOW THE HELL DID THEY

152. GET OUR NUMBER IN FOUR MINUTES?

153. RANDY>> WHAT HAPPENED TO THE

154. GOOD OLD DAYS OF TELEMARKETING?

155. JASON>> THAT'S ALL WE'RE ASKING,

156. GOOD PEOPLE.

157. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLDEN DAYS

158. OF TELEMARKETING?

159. WHEN IT WAS SIMPLER?

160. RANDY>> THE MID 90s.

161. JASON>> WHEN YOU KNEW IT WAS

162. A TELEMARKETER FROM THE SECOND

163. YOU PICKED UP THE PHONE?

164. RANDY>> MID 90s.

165. YOU KNEW IT WAS A TELEMARKETER

166. BECAUSE THERE WAS ALWAYS LIKE

167. THAT EIGHT-SECOND DELAY.

168. IT'D BE LIKE, BRRRING!

169. HELLO?

170. JASON>> HELLO, THIS IS HECTOR

171. FROM TELSTAR LONG DISTANCE.

172. MR. SKYLERSTER, SIR.

173. RANDY>> ACTUALLY,

174. IT'S PRONOUNCED SKLAR.

175. JASON>> MR. SKAKLAR, HOW WOULD

176. YOU LIKE TO BUY...

177. RANDY>> OKAY, YOU KNOW, I'M

178. ACTUALLY ON THE OTHER LINE LONG

179. DISTANCE...

180. JASON>> WELL, THAT'S GREAT,

181. 'CAUSE TELSTAR'S NEW LONG

182. DISTANCE PROGRAM...

183. RANDY>> YOU KNOW, I'M ALSO ON A

184. BUSINESS MEETING.

185. JASON>> FANTASTIC.

186. TELSTAR'S NEW BUSINESS TO

187. BUSINESS PROGRAM...

188. RANDY>> HEY, HEY.

189. WHY DON'T YOU JUST OFF

190. AND DIE?

191. JASON>> I CAN DO THAT.

192. 'CAUSE TELSTAR'S NEW OFF

193. AND DIE PROGRAM IS PERFECT FOR

194. ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBERS LIVING

195. OVER SEAS.

196. ALL RIGHT.

197. SO...

198. IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM THE

199. TELEMARKETERS HAVE GOTTEN

200. SNEAKIER.

201. RANDY>> THEY'RE TRICKIER.

202. JASON>> THANKS FOR BACKING ME

203. UP.

204. RANDY>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

205. JASON>> ALL RIGHT.

206. AND THEY'RE TRICKY THESE DAYS.

207. TELEMARKETERS NOWADAYS WILL TRY

208. AND TRICK YOU AND KEEP YOU ON

209. THE PHONE LONGER AND THEY THINK

210. THAT'S HOW YOU'LL BUY THEIR

211. STUFF.

212. RANDY>> TODAY YOU GET A PHONE

213. CALL LIKE THIS.

214. BBBRRRINNG.

215. HELLO?

216. JASON>> DUDE, WHAT'S UP?

217. DUDE YOU WERE SO DRUNK LAST

218. NIGHT.

219. WHAT HAPPENED, DOG?

220. RANDY>> I DON'T KNOW.

221. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SWITCHED

222. FROM BEER TO TEQUILA.

223. WHO IS THIS?

224. JASON>> YA, DUDE.

225. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

226. MAN.

227. LIFE'S ABOUT SWITCHING, DUDE,

228. SERIOUSLY.

229. RANDY>> WAIT A MINUTE.

230. JASON>> YEAH, I MEAN ONE MINUTE,

231. YOU SWITCH FROM BEER TO TEQUILA

232. AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU SWITCH

233. FROM AMERICAN WIRELESS TO

234. TELSTAR.

235. RANDY>> WHOA, WHOA.

236. WHO IS THIS?

237. JASON>> DUDE.

238. IT'S HECTOR FROM TELSTAR LONG

239. DISTANCE, BITCH.

240. RANDY>> WHOA!

241. JASON>> WHO LET THE DOGS IN,

242. BITCH?

243. RANDY>> WHOA.

244. COME ON, STOP IT.

245. STOP IT!

246. THIS CAN'T BE A COURTESY CALL.

247. STOP IT.

248. YOU HANG UP THE PHONE, RIGHT?

249. THEN AND AN HOUR AND A HALF

250. LATER YOU GET A PHONE CALL

251. AND THE VOICE ON THE OTHER LINE

252. IS THE MOST SENSUAL, MOST

253. SEXUAL, FEMALE VOICE YOU'VE EVER

254. HEARD.

255. IT'S LIKE, BBBRRRIIING.

256. HELLO?

257. JASON>> HI, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

258. RIGHT NOW?

259. RANDY>> A T-SHIRT AND JEANS.

260. JASON>> OKAY, I WANT YOU TO TAKE

261. THEM OFF AND START RUBBING

262. YOURSELF ALL OVER.

263. RANDY>> OKAY.

264. JASON>> DOES THAT MAKE YOU HOT?

265. RANDY>> YES.

266. I'M RUBBING MYSELF ALL OVER.

267. JASON>> ARE YOU HORNY?

268. DO YOU WANT IT?

269. DO YOU WANT ME?

270. RANDY>> OH GOD, YES, I WANT IT.

271. I WANT YOU.

272. JASON>> NOW?

273. NOW?

274. RANDY>> YES.

275. JASON>> NOW I WANT YOU TO START

276. SPANKING YOURSELF.

277. JUST SPANK IT, OH YEAH,

278. SPANK IT, OH YEAH, SPANK IT,

279. OH YEAH, SPANK IT.

280. LICK IT, LICK IT, SPANK IT,

281. SPANK IT.

282. I'M A DIRTY BOY, I'M A NAUGHTY

283. BOY, I'M A NASTY BOY.

284. NOW, I'D LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER

285. SWITCHING FROM AMERICAN WIRELESS

286. TO TELSTAR.

287. RANDY>> HECTOR?

288. JASON>> WHAT?

289. RANDY>> OKAY.

290. JESUS CHRIST, DUDE,

291. THAT'S SNEAKY.

292. RANDY>> SO, WE GREW UP IN

293. ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.

294. THAT'S WHERE WE WERE BORN

295. AND RAISED.

296. JASON>> OKAY.

297. THAT'S WHY WE LEFT.

298. RANDY>> WE LOVE ST. LOUIS.

299. OUR PARENTS STILL LIVE IN

300. ST. LOUIS.

301. WE LOVE OUR FOLKS.

302. JASON>> WE HAVE A GREAT

303. RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PARENTS.

304. OUR PARENTS HAVE THE BEST NAMES

305. IN THE HISTORY OF PARENTAL

306. NAMES.

307. RANDY>> WE LOVE 'EM.

308. DICK AND ANNETTE SKLAR.

309. WHICH OF COURSE BRINGS TO THE

310. SURFACE OUR OLD FAVORITE JOKE.

311. HOW DO YOU CATCH A DICK WITH A

312. NET...

313. RANDY & JASON>> THANK YOU VERY

314. MUCH.

315. THAT'S OUR SPECIAL!

316. OUR FOLKS ARE GREAT,

317. THEY'RE ACTUALLY IN NEW YORK—

318. THEY'RE HILARIOUS.

319. JASON>> OUR FATHER, UH, HE HAS

320. REALLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE...

321. WHICH CAN CAUSE HIM TO FREAK OUT

322. AT THE DROP OF A HAT...

323. RANDY>> WHICH IS HILARIOUS.

324. AND WHENEVER HE FREAKS OUT,

325. HE ALWAYS PROJECTS WHATEVER

326. FEARS ONTO OUR MOTHER AND TREATS

327. HER LIKE SHE'S AN INVALID.

328. JASON>> YEAH, AND OUR MOM IS

329. LIKE AN ABLE BODIED FIFTY YEAR

330. OLD WOMAN.

331. RANDY>> SHE CAN DO STUFF, RIGHT?

332. JASON>> RIGHT.

333. RANDY>> BUT, DAD FORGETS THAT

334. WHEN HE'S FREAKING,

335. AND SOMETIMES THE SIMPLEST OF

336. TASKS...

337. JASON>> LIKE GETTING IN AND OUT

338. OF A TAXICAB.

339. IT LITERALLY BECOMES LIKE A

340. DEFCON ONE SITUATION FOR OUR

341. FATHER.

342. RANDY>> EVERY TIME—

343. WE PULL TO THE DESTINATION,

344. DAD'S IN THE FRONT,

345. WE'RE IN THE BACK WITH OUR MOM.

346. THE SECOND WE PULL UP, DAD WHIPS

347. AROUND AND STARTS YELLING

348. AT THE TWO OF US.

349. HELP YOUR MOTHER

350. GET TO THE CURB.

351. HELP YOUR MOTHER GET TO THE CURB

352. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST.

353. JASON>> DUCK HER TO THE SIDE...

354. RANDY & JASON>> AND GET A

355. RECEIPT, ASSHOLE!

356. RANDY>>HOW DID HE MAKE

357. A BUSINESS TRIP OUT OF IT?

358. JASON>> AND DID HE JUST CALL US

359. AN?

360. IT'S SO FUNNY, WE'VE ACTUALLY

361. PERFORMED THAT BIT FOR OUR

362. PARENTS, AND THEY LOVE IT 'CAUSE

363. IT'S TRUE.

364. BUT OUR MOM ALWAYS HAS THE SAME

365. COMMENT EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE

366. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO

367. CURSE?

368. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SWEAR TO BE

369. FUNNY, BOYS.

370. NO YOU DO NOT.

371. RANDY>> EDDIE MURPHY NEVER SWORE

372. AND HE WAS VERY FUNNY.

373. IT'S FUNNY, NO MATTER WHERE YOU

374. GO IN THIS COUNTRY, ST. LOUIS,

375. NEW YORK, L.A., LOCAL TELEVISION

376. NEWS IS RIDICULOUS.

377. JASON>> IT'S ABSURD EVERYWHERE

378. YOU GO.

379. RANDY>> THEY GET WAY TOO EXCITED

380. WHEN THEY GET THAT NEW PIECE OF

381. TECHNOLOGY LIKE THE DOPLAR

382. RADAR.

383. JASON>> THEY'RE LIKE, YEAH.

384. WHY RAISE THE ROOF ON THAT.

385. RANDY>> THE BIGGEST THING NOW

386. FOR EVERY LOCAL TELEVISION

387. NEWS STATION IS THEIR TRAFFIC

388. HELICOPTER.

389. THE EYE IN THE SKY.

390. THE SKYCAM.

391. THE BEST ONE WE EVER SAW WAS

392. RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY,

393. NEWS CHANNEL 4s, CHOPPER 4.

394. THEY HAD A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR

395. AD CAMPAIGN JUST TO SUPPORT

396. CHOPPER FOUR.

397. JASON>> YEAH, COMMERCIALS,

398. NOT FOR THE NEWS,

399. JUST FOR THE TRAFFIC HELICOPTER,

400. AND THEN LIKE A YEAR AGO

401. CHOPPER 4 WENT DOWN IN THE

402. HUDSON RIVER.

403. OKAY?

404. RANDY>> AND THEY STILL RAN THE

405. COMMERCIALS.

406. JASON>> THEY STILL RAN IT.

407. AND IT WAS LIKE A LONG

408. COMMERCIALS, TOO.

409. AFTER THE FIRST MINUTE WHAT ELSE

410. CAN YOU SAY ABOUT IT—

411. IT'S JUST A HELICOPTER.

412. AND IT WAS SO FUNNY,

413. IF YOU WATCHED THE COMMERCIAL

414. CLOSELY YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT

415. AFTER THE FIRST MINUTE THEY

416. ACTUALLY DID RUN OUT OF THINGS

417. TO SAY.

418. BUT, THEY KEPT GOING.

419. SO, LIKE FOR THE LAST MINUTE,

420. ALL THEY DID WAS TRY TO MAKE

421. STANDARD HELICOPTER FEATURES

422. SOUND LIKE TECHNOLOGICAL

423. BREAKTHROUGHS.

424. RANDY>>CHOPPER

425. 4...

426. JASON>> WITH AIRBORNE

427. CAPABILITIES.

428. RANDY>> CHOPPER 4.

429. JASON>> WITH A

430. SELF-PROPELLING...

431. PROPELLER.

432. RANDY>> CHOPPER 4...

433. JASON>> WITH SEATS.

434. RANDY>> SEATS?

435. WHAT?

436. COME ON.

437. JASON>> I MEAN, IF YOU'RE GOING

438. TO GO ON FOR TWO MINUTES ABOUT A

439. HELICOPTER, THIS THING BETTER BE

440. BLUE THUNDER, OKAY.

441. WE WANT TO HEAR THIS PHRASE

442. IN THE PROMO.

443. RANDY>> CHOPPER 4 WE OPEN FIRED

444. ON CHANNEL 7s PUSSY NEWS VAN.

445. AND CHOPPER 4 WAS THE FIRST ON

446. THE SCENE TO BRING YOU THE

447. BLOODY PHOTOS CHOPPER 4.

448. JASON>> CHOPPER 4.

449. CHOPPER 4 WENT DOWN MYSTERIOUSLY

450. IN THE HUDSON RIVER AND CHOPPER

451. 4 WAS THE FIRST ON THE SCENE.

452. COINCIDENCE?

453. RANDY>> OR CHOPPER 4.

454. THE WAY WE SEE IT, WE'RE TWICE

455. AS GOOD AS CHOPPER 2.

456. JASON>> CHOPPER 4.

457. RANDY>> CHANNEL 7, MAY HAVE A

458. VAN, BUT CAN THAT BITCH FLY?

459. JASON>> CAN IT?

460. RANDY & JASON>> CH- CH- CH-

461. CHOPPER 4.

462. RANDY>> SOON THE ENTIRE NEWS

463. BROADCAST WILL BE BROUGHT TO YOU

464. FROM DIRECTLY INSIDE OF CHOPPER

465. 4.

466. NEWS...

467. JASON>> CHOPPER 4.

468. RANDY>> SPORTS.

469. WEATHER.

470. TRAFFIC.

471. JASON>> TRAFFIC, WEIRDLY ENOUGH,

472. WILL STILL BE DONE FROM THE

473. STUDIO.

474. RANDY>> BUT FOR

475. EVERYTHING ELSE—

476. IT'S CHOPPER 4.

477. WHO'S YOUR NEWS SOURCE?

478. JASON>> CHOPPER 4.

479. RANDY>> WHO'S YOUR EYE

480. IN THE SKY?

481. JASON>> CHOPPER 4.

482. RANDY>> WHO SHOT TUPAC SHAKUR?

483. JASON>> SO WE HAVE A LOT OF

484. FREE TIME.

485. RANDY>> YUP.

486. UM, WE'RE TRYING TO STAY HIP.

487. TRYING TO STAY YOUNG.

488. JASON>> TRYING TO FIND

489. THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.

490. RANDY>> ON THING WE FEEL LIKE

491. IS THAT HIP-HOP MUSIC HAS TAKEN

492. OVER AND DOMINATED THE ENTIRE

493. POP CULTURE.

494. AND ONE WAY TO STAY YOUNG IS TO

495. LISTEN TO HIP HOP ON THE RADIO.

496. JASON>> WE LOVE THE RAP MUSIC.

497. RANDY>> LOVE LISTENING TO HOT 97

498. WHEN WERE IN NEW YORK CITY.

499. WE LOVE THE HOT 97.

500. JASON>> WHY NOT.

501. RANDY>> LOVE HOT 97, BUT,

502. KIND OF HAVE A PROBLEM.

503. EVERY TIME WE GO TO THE HOT 97

504. TO SEE WHAT'S HIP, WHAT'S

505. HAPPENING, WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT

506. NOW, WE'RE REMINDED HOW OLD

507. AND WHITE WE ARE.

508. HERE'S OUR PROBLEM.

509. WE HAVE A HARD TIME TRYING

510. TO TELL WHAT IS A NEW SONG ON

511. HOT 97—

512. JASON>> VERSUS WHAT IS A

513. COMMERCIAL ON HOT 97.

514. RANDY>> IT ALL SOUNDS THE SAME

515. TO THESE OLD WHITE EARS.

516. BECAUSE WE'LL BE LISTENING TO

517. HOT 97, AND THEY'RE LAYING SOME

518. FAT ASS BEAT AND LIKE.

519. WHAT IS THAT?

520. IS THAT THE NEW VANILLA ICE,

521. IS THAT THE NEW COLOR ME BAD?

522. AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HERE

523. COME LYRICS OUT OF NOWHERE.

524. I PUT MY GAT IN YOUR MOUTH AND I

525. FILL IT FULL OF LEAD

526. I'VE GOT CRAZY SUCKERS TRYING

527. TO MESS WITH MY HEAD

528. I BANG TEN BITCHES AND THEN

529. I BANG ELEVEN.

530. RANDY & JASON>> 'CAUSE IT'S AN

531. ALL REQUEST WEEKEND ON HOT 97.

532. RANDY>> OKAY, WAS THAT A SONG

533. RIGHT THERE?

534. FREE TIME, WE KEEP COMING BACK

535. TO THIS.

536. WE HAVE ALL THIS FREE TIME.

537. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

538. RANDY>> WE LOVE TO MAKE LISTS.

539. TOP FIVE THIS, TOP FIVE THAT.

540. BUT OUR FAVORITE LIST IN RECENT

541. HISTORY WAS TOP FIVE MOST UNSUNG

542. PROFESSIONS IN OUR SOCIETY.

543. PEOPLE THAT WE FELT LIKE WORK

544. HARD, THEY DON'T GET ENOUGH

545. CREDIT.

546. WE HAVE LIKE...

547. TEACHERS, FIREFIGHTERS,

548. SOCIAL WORKERS.

549. BUT WE HAD THE SAME NUMBER ONE.

550. JASON>> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE—

551. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE

552. EVER AGREED ON ONE.

553. RANDY AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT

554. THE MOST UNSUNG PROFESSION IN

555. OUR SOCIETY HAS GOT TO BE...

556. RANDY>> STRIP CLUB D.J..

557. JASON>> THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE.

558. D.J. AT A STRIP CLUB.

559. RANDY>> HE'S GOT A TOUGH JOB.

560. HE DOES NOT JUST BRING THE

561. PUNNANI PUBLIC.

562. JASON>> NO, HE DON'T.

563. RANDY>> IF HE JUST DID THAT.

564. JASON>> WE'D ALL BE STRIP CLUB

565. D.J.'S.

566. RANDY>> IT'S A TOUGH JOB.

567. THINK ABOUT IT.

568. HE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH A

569. MICROPHONE IN THE ENTIRE JOINT.

570. HE'S THE ONLY VOICE YOU HEAR.

571. HE HAS TO SERVE AS A LIAISON

572. BETWEEN THE MANAGEMENT AND

573. THE CUSTOMERS.

574. JASON>> THAT'S RIGHT, RAND.

575. THE STRIP CLUB D.J. HAS TO MAKE

576. BORING, MUNDANE ANNOUNCEMENTS

577. FOR THE MANAGEMENT OF THE CLUB,

578. BUT THEN WEAVE THAT IN MAGICALLY

579. WITH THE SEXUALITY ALL WHILE

580. THE CUSTOMERS MAINTAIN THEIR

581. ERECTIONS.

582. RANDY>> THEY ARE MODERN DAY

583. GENIUSES.

584. JASON>> THEY ARE JEDI MASTERS.

585. RANDY>> OKAY?

586. THEY ARE THE BRIDGE BETWEEN

587. BUSINESS AND BONERS.

588. JASON>> EXACTLY.

589. RANDY>> UNBELIEVABLE.

590. THEY'RE LIKE, WELCOME TO CRAZY

591. LEGS, WELCOME TO CRAZY LEGS.

592. WE'VE GOT THE FINEST PUNNANI

593. ON THE PENINSULA.

594. JASON>> WE'VE GOT THE HOTTEST

595. CUCHY IN IN THE COUNTRY.

596. RANDY>> I'VE GOT ONE QUESTION

597. WHO'S READY

598. FOR THAT CUCHY?

599. WHO WANTS THE CUCHY?

600. RANDY & JASON>> WHO'S READY

601. FOR SOME CUCHY?

602. RANDY>> BUT FIRST THERE'S A BLUE

603. 1998 PONTIAC BONNEVILLE WITH

604. ITS LIGHTS ON IN THE BACK

605. PARKING LOT.

606. IF THAT IS YOUR VEHICLE,

607. YOU MIGHT WANT TO TURN THE

608. LIGHTS OFF.

609. BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO LEAVE

610. THE REAR DEFROST ON.

611. JASON>> BECAUSE BROTHER

612. IT'S GONNA GET HOT.

613. RANDY>> GUESS WHO'S CRUISING

614. THEIR CUCHY TRUCK UP TO THE

615. MAINSTAGE.

616. JASON>> SHE'S GETTING HER POLE

617. ON.

618. WE'VE GOT AMBER ON THE

619. MAINSTAGE.

620. RANDY>> DOMINIQUE ON THE BAR.

621. JASON>> AND YOU KNOW I'M

622. THINKING OF A NUMBER BETWEEN

623. ONE AND TEN.

624. RANDY>> IS IT PUNANNI?

625. JASON>> YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS.

626. RANDY>> WHO'S THIRSTY FOR

627. THE CUCHY?

628. JASON>> WHO WANTS A TALL GLASS

629. OF THE CUCHY JUICE?

630. RANDY>> WHO WANTS A LITTLE BIT

631. OF THE CUCHY SMOOTHIE?

632. RANDY & JASON>> WHO'S THIRSTY

633. FOR SOME CUCHY?

634. JASON>> FELLOWS IF YOU'RE

635. THIRSTY, JUST AND F.Y.I.

636. FOR THE NEXT HALF HOUR ONLY,

637. ALL DOMESTIC BEERS ARE JUST

638. 11.95.

639. THAT MEANS THAT A BUCKET OF

640. BUSCH LIGHT LONGNECKS IS JUST

641. 89.95 WITH TAX.

642. AND SPEAKING OF BUSCH LIGHT,

643. YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE

644. WHO'S SKINNY-ASS COOCHIE'S

645. ON THE MAIN STAGE.

646. RANDY>> WE'VE GOT TIGRESS

647. ON THE MAIN STAGE.

648. JASON>> EUPHRATES ON THE BAR.

649. RANDY>> TWO ROADS DIVERGE

650. IN THE WOOD.

651. I CHOSE...

652. JASON>> PUNNANIE.

653. RANDY>> YOU BET YOUR ASS.

654. JASON>> WHO'S HUNGRY FOR

655. THE CUCHY.

656. RANDY>> WHO'S HANKERING

657. FOR A HUNK OF THE CUCHY?

658. RANDY & JASON>> WHO'S HUNGRY

659. FOR SOME CUCHY?

660. JASON>> FELLAS IF YOU WANT

661. THE WEEKEND CUCHY, COME OUT THIS

662. SATURDAY TO CRAZY LEGS ANNUAL

663. PICNIC FOR CYSTIC FIBROSIS.

664. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

665. RANDY>> SO, WE'D LIKE TO TALK

666. ABOUT AN ISSUE THAT'S VERY

667. IMPORTANT TO THE TWO OF US,

668. BUT WE FEEL THAT IT DOESN'T GET

669. A LOT OF COVERAGE.

670. WE'RE GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE

671. AND THAT PEOPLE ARE SEEING THIS.

672. HERE IS THE ISSUE.

673. IT SEEMS THAT GAY MEN THROUGHOUT

674. THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY HAVE

675. MADE A COMMON PRACTICE OF

676. HONORING THEIR FAVORITE FEMALE

677. MUSICAL ARTIST THROUGH THE ART

678. OF IMPERSONATION.

679. AND THEY CALL THIS CABARET.

680. JASON>> HERE'S THE PROBLEM.

681. WHEN GAY MEN DO THIS, IT'S COOL.

682. IT'S FINE.

683. IT'S ACCEPTED.

684. BUT, WHEN STRAIGHT MEN LIKE

685. RANDY AND MYSELF TRY TO DO THE

686. SAME THING.

687. IT'S JUST GAY.

688. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

689. RANDY>> WELL, TONIGHT,

690. WITH YOUR ENERGY, AND OUR ENERGY

691. AND WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL A

692. SYNERGY OF OUR ENERGIES,

693. JASON>> GOOD WORD.

694. RANDY>> WE WOULD LIKE TO INSPIRE

695. STRAIGHT MEN EVERYWHERE

696. TO "COME OUT" AND HONOR THEIR

697. OWN MUSICAL HEROES THROUGH THEIR

698. OWN FORM OF CABARET.

699. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

700. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ON

701. TELEVISION FOR THE FIRST TIME

702. EVER ON A STAGE, WE OFFER FOR

703. YOU THE FIRST EVER STRAIGHT MEN

704. CABARET.

705. JASON>> CAN WE QUE THE MUSIC

706. IN THE BACK, PLEASE?

707. ALL RIGHT, WE'VE CHOSEN...

708. WE'VE CHOSEN R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON'S

709. "ROLL WITH THE CHANGES".

710. R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON A MOUTHPIECE

711. FOR STRAIGHT MEN EVERYWHERE.

712. THAT'S RIGHT I'M WEARING A

713. DOUBLE BANDANA,

714. VERY CHARLES IN CHARGE.

715. VERY SCOTT BAIO.

716. RANDY>> REMEMBER THE TUCK AND

717. ROLL FROM 1982.

718. WHO DIDN'T DO THE TUCK AND ROLL

719. FROM '82?

720. IF WE ONLY HAD SOME SAFETY PINS

721. WE'D PEG THAT SUCKER RIGHT

722. THERE.

723. THE SLEEVELESS SHIRT COMES BACK

724. FROM NEW JERSEY.

725. LOOK AT THAT SHOULDER HAIR.

726. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO EVERYBODY.

727. JASON>> LADIES, WE'LL BE AT THE

728. BAR NEXT DOOR IF YOU NEED US.

729. RANDY>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

730. WE'RE THE SKLAR BROTHERS.

731. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

732. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

733. COMEDY CENTRAL.

734. CAPTIONED BY

735. REALTIME CAPTIONING

736. VAN NUYS, CALIFORNIA.