1. Dutton.Copy !req
2. General Hollister.Copy !req
3. Come in.Copy !req
4. You want a drink?Copy !req
5. No. No, thank you, sir.
I don't have much time.Copy !req
6. I would have called, but...Copy !req
7. But what?Copy !req
8. I didn't want to risk a wiretap.Copy !req
9. A wiretap?Copy !req
10. You sound paranoid, Colonel.Copy !req
11. No, General.
Just being cautious.Copy !req
12. And the reason
for this... caution?Copy !req
13. The word just came down
this morning.Copy !req
14. A special directive
to all section chiefs.Copy !req
15. The Inspector General's starting...Copy !req
16. a full-scale investigation
of arms contracts.Copy !req
17. I see.Copy !req
18. - You're sure?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
19. That's unfortunate.Copy !req
20. But I suppose it would have
happened sooner or later.Copy !req
21. If they find out...Copy !req
22. They won't find out.Copy !req
23. General,
if anyone digs deep enough...Copy !req
24. they're bound to discover that
I've let your...Copy !req
25. construction company
charge us a fortune in cost overruns.Copy !req
26. You'll offer
the standard explanation...Copy !req
27. unforeseen difficulties
in developing the arms system.Copy !req
28. It won't stand up, General.Copy !req
29. When the I.G. sees
your bargain-basement bids...Copy !req
30. he'll know I let you
practically steal those contracts.Copy !req
31. They'll indict both of us.Copy !req
32. As you say, Colonel,
you're the one that accepted the bids.Copy !req
33. You approved the overruns.Copy !req
34. With that much money involved, they'll
know we had to be in it together.Copy !req
35. I'm getting out.Copy !req
36. Oh?Copy !req
37. I'm leaving for Geneva tonight.Copy !req
38. And if I may make a suggestion,
General, you might do the same.Copy !req
39. I have a business to run.Copy !req
40. Besides, I never believed
in a forced retreat.Copy !req
41. Well, maybe you can bluff them, sir,
but I don't have your reputation.Copy !req
42. You'll have less
of a reputation if you go AWOL.Copy !req
43. It's an admission of guilt.Copy !req
44. They won't know it for 30 days.
I just took my annual leave.Copy !req
45. It's a small world, Colonel.
They'll find you.Copy !req
46. No way, sir.
I'll manage to disappear.Copy !req
47. And, uh, if they do,
just for the sake of argument?Copy !req
48. Naturally, I-I'd keep your involvement
to myself. I'd refuse to testify.Copy !req
49. Not even to shorten a jail sentence
for giving evidence?Copy !req
50. Believe me, sir,
there's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
51. They won't know where I am.Copy !req
52. How did you get here, Colonel?
Taxi?Copy !req
53. No, sir. I drove. Why?Copy !req
54. I've been thinking.Copy !req
55. You present me with a problem.Copy !req
56. Problem?Copy !req
57. You assure me... that my name
will never come into this...Copy !req
58. that, uh, you'll be my protector.Copy !req
59. I'm afraid I can't take that risk.Copy !req
60. Did you see that?Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. Uh, a man just shot someone!Copy !req
63. But where?Copy !req
64. Over there. There. See?Copy !req
65. I don't see anything.Copy !req
66. He just moved away from the window.Copy !req
67. You've been out in the sun too long.Copy !req
68. Mother, I'm telling you...Copy !req
69. Oh, it's a mirage.Copy !req
70. No. No, we're going back.Copy !req
71. - We're going what?
- Which way is back?Copy !req
72. Which way is...
What are you doing?Copy !req
73. I got it. It's all right.
I'm all right.Copy !req
74. - I'm all right.
- You take this.Copy !req
75. Yeah, I-I got that.
Now... Now, y-you take this.Copy !req
76. But what'll I do with it?Copy !req
77. Uh, Mr. Barnes!Copy !req
78. Here, let me give you a hand.Copy !req
79. Thank you, Mr. Barnes.Copy !req
80. The only thing I can say about
the way she handles a boat...Copy !req
81. You certainly know when she's docked.Copy !req
82. Whiplash.Copy !req
83. If you hand me your aft line,
Mrs. Walters, I'll secure your stern.Copy !req
84. I beg your pardon!Copy !req
85. I'll tie up your boat.Copy !req
86. Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, uh, of course.
Is this it?Copy !req
87. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
88. Thank you.Copy !req
89. I never thought we'd make it.Copy !req
90. Neither did I.Copy !req
91. Couldn't do it, eh?Copy !req
92. What?Copy !req
93. Call the police.
I knew you'd come to your senses.Copy !req
94. They must get a thousand
eyewitness crank calls an hour.Copy !req
95. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
96. Oh, hello, Operator.Copy !req
97. Could I please have the police?
I'd like to report a shooting.Copy !req
98. Hello. Is this the police?Copy !req
99. Oh. Uh...Copy !req
100. This is Mrs. Stewart.
Uh, I'm down at, uh,Copy !req
101. the boat place, and...Copy !req
102. Officer Sanchez.Copy !req
103. Mrs. Stewart?Copy !req
104. No, I'm Mrs. Stewart.
That's my mother, Mrs. Walters.Copy !req
105. You reported a shooting?Copy !req
106. Yes. Uh-huh.Copy !req
107. Yes?Copy !req
108. Oh. Well, um,
this man in a bathrobe...Copy !req
109. um, uh, he shot another man
I-in a uniform.Copy !req
110. What kind of uniform was it?Copy !req
111. Oh, well, I...Copy !req
112. I can't tell the difference
between an usher and a mailman.Copy !req
113. I mean, I can tell them apart, but not
what they're wearing, you know. But...Copy !req
114. Well, I-I'm sure
it was a military uniform.Copy !req
115. - Did you see anything, ma'am?
- Mm-mm.Copy !req
116. My daughter's the one
who sees things, Officer, not me.Copy !req
117. Just because you were
looking in the other direction,Copy !req
118. doesn't mean that I didn't see it.Copy !req
119. Uh, where was this shooting,
Mrs. Stewart?Copy !req
120. Right over there. See?
See that house over there?Copy !req
121. Are you sure?Copy !req
122. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.Copy !req
123. Do you know
who lives in that house?Copy !req
124. Uh... Well, no. Does it matter?Copy !req
125. I'd rather not say till we've
had a chance to investigate.Copy !req
126. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
127. May I have your address?Copy !req
128. She lives with me.Copy !req
129. 8090 Vale.Copy !req
130. May I have your phone?Copy !req
131. 985-4321.Copy !req
132. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
133. Is that... Is that all?Copy !req
134. For now. If we need anything more,
you'll be contacted.Copy !req
135. Oh.Copy !req
136. - Thank you.
- Uh, 985-4321.Copy !req
137. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
138. Come on.Copy !req
139. - You know, I...
- Come on!Copy !req
140. On that shooting report, Sergeant,Copy !req
141. the witness says it occurred
in General Hollister's house.Copy !req
142. The General Hollister?Copy !req
143. Yes, sir.Copy !req
144. It just doesn't seem right
that a slick sleeve like me...Copy !req
145. would barge in and ask a man
like General Hollister...Copy !req
146. if he just shot somebody.Copy !req
147. I see your point, Sanchez.Copy !req
148. I'd better send over
somebody from Homicide.Copy !req
149. Stand by, and I'll have him there
as soon as I can.Copy !req
150. Roger.Copy !req
151. Sorry, sir.Copy !req
152. Huh? For what?Copy !req
153. This spot's reserved.Copy !req
154. Oh. I see. All right.Copy !req
155. Uh... Uh...Copy !req
156. Who is it reserved for?Copy !req
157. The police.Copy !req
158. I think I'm the one
that you're waiting for.Copy !req
159. I'm, uh, a lieutenant.
My name is Columbo.Copy !req
160. Oh. Sorry, Lieutenant.
I was expecting an official car.Copy !req
161. That's all right.
Your name is Sanchez?Copy !req
162. - Yes, sir.
- I see.Copy !req
163. That's General Hollister's house
right there.Copy !req
164. Did anyone come in or out
since you've been here?Copy !req
165. Two young fellows in cadet uniforms
went in a little while ago.Copy !req
166. That's their wagon over there.Copy !req
167. Uh-huh. Is there another way
out of this house?Copy !req
168. By water. The general's got a yacht
in a slip in back of the house.Copy !req
169. I see. I'm gonna go in
and speak to the general.Copy !req
170. While I'm doing that,
I want you to search the yacht.Copy !req
171. But, Lieutenant,
I don't have a warrant.Copy !req
172. Well, I'll ask the general
for permission.Copy !req
173. If he doesn't give it,
then I'll get a warrant.Copy !req
174. In the meantime, check it out.Copy !req
175. Pay particular attention
to the engines.Copy !req
176. And if you find out anything,
let me know.Copy !req
177. Uh, General Hollister?Copy !req
178. Yes?Copy !req
179. I'm from the police, sir.
My name is, uh, Columbo.Copy !req
180. Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
181. Yes, Lieutenant?Copy !req
182. I'm terribly sorry to disturb you,
sir, but...Copy !req
183. we have this report,
uh, about this shooting.Copy !req
184. A shooting?Copy !req
185. Yes, sir. In this house.Copy !req
186. That's quite an opening line,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
187. Sir, I'm sure it's just
a crackpot complaint, but I...Copy !req
188. But it's your job to follow it up.Copy !req
189. Yes, sir.Copy !req
190. I understand. I've had to do many...Copy !req
191. unpleasant things myself
in the line of duty.Copy !req
192. But may I ask, this alleged shooting...Copy !req
193. Just who is supposed
to have shot whom?Copy !req
194. Well, you see, sir,
we don't know exactly.Copy !req
195. Only that the, uh, victim
was wearing some kind of a uniform.Copy !req
196. A uniform.Copy !req
197. Well, come in.Copy !req
198. These young men are from
my alma mater, Lieutenant, M.M.I.Copy !req
199. They're here to take away
my military souvenirs for, uh...Copy !req
200. permanent enshrinement
at the Memorial Hall.Copy !req
201. As a matter of fact, Lieutenant,Copy !req
202. M.M.I. is giving me
a testimonial dinner tonight.Copy !req
203. They're commemorating the 20th
anniversary of my retirement...Copy !req
204. and the opening
of the Hollister Exhibit.Copy !req
205. Yes. General, do you think
I could, uh, look inside?Copy !req
206. Lieutenant,
wouldn't that be a little obvious?Copy !req
207. I wanna be in a position, sir,
where I can tell my superiors...Copy !req
208. that I've checked everything out.Copy !req
209. They've already started
nailing it shut.Copy !req
210. Uh, it's just two nails, sir.Copy !req
211. Very well. Gentlemen,Copy !req
212. I have a friend here who would like
to inspect the contents of the crate.Copy !req
213. - Would you open it again, please?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
214. Wow!Copy !req
215. A lot of guns.Copy !req
216. War trophies, Lieutenant.Copy !req
217. Uh, AK-47 assault rifle.Copy !req
218. PPSH-41. Drum.Copy !req
219. PPSH-41 clip.Copy !req
220. All Soviet-made, and,
as you've observed,Copy !req
221. all with their firing pins removed.Copy !req
222. I see. They're very,
very interesting, General.Copy !req
223. War mementos, Lieutenant.Copy !req
224. Lively memories, empty uniforms...Copy !req
225. uh, all carefully packed,
Lieutenant, for the exhibit.Copy !req
226. Oh. Oh, yes, of course.
I'm sorry, sir. Uh...Copy !req
227. I'll just put these back in here.Copy !req
228. There you are. I, uh...Copy !req
229. I think that, uh, is fine.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
230. Carry on, gentlemen.Copy !req
231. Could I offer you something?Copy !req
232. Oh, no. Thank you very much.Copy !req
233. - Say, you got a beautiful place here.
- Thank you.Copy !req
234. It's roomy, and it's homey, and...Copy !req
235. That's a fireplace. Wow!Copy !req
236. You know, when I was a kid, we used to
have those fake wooden kinds.Copy !req
237. I don't know if you remember
them or not, General.Copy !req
238. They had a fan in the back.
And it had a red light and ribbons.Copy !req
239. You'd turn on the fan, and the ribbons,
they would flutter there.Copy !req
240. Yeah, they were terrific.Copy !req
241. That's funny.Copy !req
242. What's funny?Copy !req
243. Don't you have those irons?Copy !req
244. You know, like you put in a fireplace
to put the, uh...Copy !req
245. - Oh. Uh, andirons.
- Andirons. Yeah.Copy !req
246. No. I never build a fire there.
It's too much trouble.Copy !req
247. - Easier to turn up the thermostat.
- I see.Copy !req
248. - Uh...
- Oh, uh, for show.Copy !req
249. - Oh, that's for show.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
250. Lieutenant, I've been thinking.Copy !req
251. The person who turned in
that report was right.Copy !req
252. There was someone here
in uniform.Copy !req
253. Me.Copy !req
254. While I was packing...Copy !req
255. I couldn't resist, uh,
trying on the old harness, you know.Copy !req
256. I'm glad to be able to tell you
that, uh, I can still get into it.Copy !req
257. You know, the report said
there was another man here,Copy !req
258. and he was dressed in a bathrobe.Copy !req
259. Whoever filed that report
was seeing double.Copy !req
260. Yes, I was wearing a bathrobe
while I was packing.Copy !req
261. - Got a match?
- A match.Copy !req
262. - There you are.
- Thank you.Copy !req
263. Hey, that's quite a lighter.Copy !req
264. One of a kind.Copy !req
265. Yeah, that's something.Copy !req
266. Didn't you say that you were gonna send
all of your stuff over to the exhibit?Copy !req
267. Not quite everything, Lieutenant.Copy !req
268. This has a very
personal meaning for me.Copy !req
269. It's a gift from my staff
on the day that I retired from service.Copy !req
270. Oh. Yeah. General, uh,
do you mind if I look around?Copy !req
271. No. By all means,
help yourself.Copy !req
272. Not much to see here.
Just a basic B.O.Q.Copy !req
273. I guess that's why I like it.Copy !req
274. Any servants?Copy !req
275. Just a housekeeper.
Comes in twice a week.Copy !req
276. Good night, General.Copy !req
277. Oh. Let me get the door.Copy !req
278. Careful.Copy !req
279. Good night.Copy !req
280. Lieutenant,
the bedrooms are this way.Copy !req
281. Guest bedroom, Lieutenant.Copy !req
282. Master bedroom.Copy !req
283. General, have you
been here all day?Copy !req
284. No. I was out on my boat
till about 2:00.Copy !req
285. - You didn't go out after that, sir?
- No.Copy !req
286. I was here packing, getting ready
for the testimonial dinner.Copy !req
287. - Do you mind if I look in your closet?
- No.Copy !req
288. By all means,
be thorough, Lieutenant.Copy !req
289. Extra uniforms.Copy !req
290. General,
that's a lot of fruit salad.Copy !req
291. Past history... all to be donated,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
292. Well, you've had the tour.
Anything else I can do for you?Copy !req
293. No, I guess that's it.Copy !req
294. Unless...Copy !req
295. Unless what?Copy !req
296. Well, as long as I'm here, uh...Copy !req
297. do you happen to own a gun,
General? A handgun?Copy !req
298. A hand... Oh. No, I...Copy !req
299. Yes. Yes, I do.
A target pistol.Copy !req
300. It's a funny thing.
I never think of it as a weapon.Copy !req
301. 22 caliber Hi-Standard.Copy !req
302. Supermatic Trophy model.
There you are. Hmm?Copy !req
303. What's that medal for?Copy !req
304. Oh,Copy !req
305. that's a first with
the United States Marine Pistol Team.Copy !req
306. You know, Lieutenant, uh...Copy !req
307. I had this out earlier today.Copy !req
308. I was thinking of giving
it over to the exhibition...Copy !req
309. although it's never had anything to do
with my military career.Copy !req
310. I was, uh...Copy !req
311. I... Oh, yes!Copy !req
312. Yes, I remember now.Copy !req
313. I stumbled over the crate
as I was looking at the gun.Copy !req
314. That must've been
what your witness saw.Copy !req
315. Of course.Copy !req
316. Oh, well, there we are, huh?Copy !req
317. There we are.Copy !req
318. Oh.Copy !req
319. I doubt if I could...
if I could win any medals today.Copy !req
320. I've been so busy for months,
I haven't had any chance to practice.Copy !req
321. Here, see for yourself.Copy !req
322. Well, I'm not
a ballistics expert, sir.Copy !req
323. Well, take it along with you.
Have your people check it out.Copy !req
324. No, I don't think
that'll be necessary, sir.Copy !req
325. I think I'm on a wild-goose chase.Copy !req
326. Matter of fact, uh,Copy !req
327. I don't think there's much else
I can, uh, look for, General.Copy !req
328. Uh, I think I'll be running along.Copy !req
329. Before you go, Lieutenant, uh...Copy !req
330. just who, uh...
who reported this... murder?Copy !req
331. No, I never said
it was a murder, sir.Copy !req
332. Well, this alleged shooting.
Who turned in the report?Copy !req
333. I'm afraid I can't tell you that, sir.Copy !req
334. No, sir.
That's against regulations.Copy !req
335. Oh, yes, of course.
Well, there's one thing for sure...Copy !req
336. that whoever it was,
it had to be some...Copy !req
337. some guy out here
in a boat in the marina.Copy !req
338. General, I'd like to keep
the record straight on that.Copy !req
339. Now, I never said
that it was a man.Copy !req
340. Oh, you mean it was a woman?Copy !req
341. Now, I never said that either, sir.Copy !req
342. Well, it doesn't make any difference.
Mistakes have no gender.Copy !req
343. Well, that's for sure.Copy !req
344. Uh... Well, I want to apologize
for takin' up your time.Copy !req
345. Please, don't give it a thought.Copy !req
346. - Good night, sir.
- Good night, Lieutenant.Copy !req
347. - Oh, uh, one thing I almost forgot.
- Yes?Copy !req
348. Uh, your boat.Copy !req
349. What about it?Copy !req
350. I had the boat checked out,
sir, while we were talking.Copy !req
351. I didn't think you had anything
to hide, sir, and...Copy !req
352. I just thought
it would save some time.Copy !req
353. I always preached initiative to my men,
so I don't see how I can object now.Copy !req
354. And you're right.
You did save time.Copy !req
355. - Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, Lieutenant.Copy !req
356. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
357. Oh, General,
enjoy your dinner.Copy !req
358. Oh. Well, thank you, Lieutenant.Copy !req
359. - Didn't find a thing.
- The engines?Copy !req
360. They were cold.Copy !req
361. This Mrs. Stewart,Copy !req
362. did she look like she'd could have
been doing any drinking?Copy !req
363. Could've been.
I don't really know.Copy !req
364. I guess we both got a lot
of paperwork to do, huh?Copy !req
365. Here, Joey.
Gas up number two, will you?Copy !req
366. Mr. Barnes.Copy !req
367. - Hi, General.
- Hi. How are you?Copy !req
368. Mr. Barnes, a couple of hours ago,
out on the marina, somebody waved at me.Copy !req
369. I think it was an old friend.
You got any idea who it could have been?Copy !req
370. Was it one of my boats?Copy !req
371. I think it might have been, yeah.
You might have it there in the record.Copy !req
372. It was probably Mrs. Stewart
and her mother.Copy !req
373. Mrs. Stewart. That's it.Copy !req
374. Do you know where she lives?
I'd like to have a few words with her.Copy !req
375. - Yeah, sure. I got it right here.
- Good.Copy !req
376. Hey, General, you're not gonna
go sailing with her, are you?Copy !req
377. Why?Copy !req
378. She's the worst,
man, woman or child.Copy !req
379. She can't sail.
I couldn't take my eyes off her.Copy !req
380. I thought that she was gonna
keel over any minute.Copy !req
381. Well, I'll watch it, Mr. Barnes.Copy !req
382. - Thanks for your good thought.
- Here you go.Copy !req
383. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
384. Just a minute.Copy !req
385. - Mrs. Stewart?
- Yes.Copy !req
386. Lieutenant Columbo, from the police,
about a report you made of a shooting.Copy !req
387. Oh! Yes. Come in.Copy !req
388. Who is it, Helen?Copy !req
389. It's the police, Mother.Copy !req
390. Um, we're just having a, uh,
before-dinner cocktail.Copy !req
391. - Would you, um, uh...
- No, that's all right.Copy !req
392. Ask for his identification.Copy !req
393. Oh, Mother, uh...
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.Copy !req
394. That's all right. That's all right.
She's entitled to that.Copy !req
395. You must be Mrs...Copy !req
396. Mrs. Walters. Walters.Copy !req
397. Here you are, ma'am.Copy !req
398. You sure don't look
like a policeman.Copy !req
399. I have to make a salad.Copy !req
400. - Here you are.
- Thank you.Copy !req
401. Mother is the eternal optimist.Copy !req
402. She's always hoping for the worst.Copy !req
403. Well, Lieutenant, uh, what, uh...Copy !req
404. What is that? Do you mind?Copy !req
405. Would you like to see it?Copy !req
406. I'd like it very much.Copy !req
407. Well, it's... it's not finished yet.Copy !req
408. When it's done,
it's gonna be a bowl. You know,Copy !req
409. like for plants and things. Um...Copy !req
410. Or maybe it's gonna be
an Indian water pitcher.Copy !req
411. I haven't really made up my mind yet,
creatively speaking.Copy !req
412. Well, this work is very,
very interesting.Copy !req
413. Well, they say it's important
to work with your hands.Copy !req
414. It's very good therapy...Copy !req
415. and she needs it.Copy !req
416. I'm just a mass of
therapeutic studies lately...Copy !req
417. sailing, art classes.Copy !req
418. I even went back to work.Copy !req
419. What do you do?Copy !req
420. I work with children
and animals.Copy !req
421. Well, that's...
that's constructive.Copy !req
422. You see that?
That's a reflection of my job.Copy !req
423. Oh. You don't know
what it is, do you?Copy !req
424. Uh, no, I don't know what it is,
but it's very nice.Copy !req
425. Well, it's a South American llama.
We have them at the Ark Park.Copy !req
426. At the where?Copy !req
427. The Ark Park. That's where I work with
the children and the animals.Copy !req
428. I see. So this fella here
is a llama, huh?Copy !req
429. Well, you see, I try and go
beyond the surface, you know...Copy !req
430. to find, um, a deeper meaning,
a-a truer reality.Copy !req
431. At least, that's what I think I do.Copy !req
432. Mrs. Stewart,
I'm gonna get right to the point.Copy !req
433. You know, I couldn't find
any evidence of any shooting...Copy !req
434. in that house that you pointed out.Copy !req
435. I mean, there was no gun.
There was no victim. There was nothing.Copy !req
436. Just a house, a fella livin' in it.Copy !req
437. Well, I know what I saw.Copy !req
438. Maybe you think you saw it.Copy !req
439. What does that mean?Copy !req
440. The fella that owns that house
is a retired marine general.Copy !req
441. He says that if you
saw him in the window, one...Copy !req
442. he was alone, and two,
he was wearing a bathrobe.Copy !req
443. What about the man in uniform?Copy !req
444. He says that later on,
he did try on an old uniform...Copy !req
445. and he was carrying
a target pistol at the time.Copy !req
446. He says he happened to trip over
a crate that he was packing.Copy !req
447. Now, to you, does, uh... does that
sound like a reasonable explanation?Copy !req
448. Oh, very reasonable,
but it's not what I saw.Copy !req
449. Uh-huh. I see.Copy !req
450. Uh, did you ever wear glasses?Copy !req
451. No, I don't wear glasses.
I have perfect vision.Copy !req
452. No, I have better than perfect vision.Copy !req
453. Mm-hmm. Look, uh,Copy !req
454. I don't want you to get offended
at what I'm gonna say now, but, uh...Copy !req
455. were you doin' a little
drinkin' this afternoon?Copy !req
456. Oh!Copy !req
457. Oh, Lieutenant,
this is really too much!Copy !req
458. I mean, that police officer
this afternoon,Copy !req
459. and then my mother, and now...Copy !req
460. I am not hallucinating!Copy !req
461. I'm just trying to reconcile
your story.Copy !req
462. I saw two men. One in a bathrobe,
and the other one in a uniform.Copy !req
463. The one in the bathrobe
shot the other man.Copy !req
464. That is the simple truth. The sane
and the sober and the simple truth.Copy !req
465. Now, do you believe me?Copy !req
466. Mrs. Stewart, a murder charge
is about as serious as you can get.Copy !req
467. Lieutenant, I didn't ask you
if it was a serious charge.Copy !req
468. I asked you if you believe me.Copy !req
469. You always did have a weird imagination,
even as a child.Copy !req
470. Those imaginary playmates,
all those games.Copy !req
471. You never wanted to face reality.Copy !req
472. Mother, to some people...Copy !req
473. that would have meant that I had
a creative and imaginative mind.Copy !req
474. I'll get it.Copy !req
475. Can't a person sit down
and have a bite to eat in peace?Copy !req
476. Yes?Copy !req
477. Mrs. Stewart?Copy !req
478. No, no, no, no.
I'll... I'll call her for you.Copy !req
479. Helen darling,
there's a gentleman here to see you.Copy !req
480. - For me?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
481. Yes?Copy !req
482. You're Mrs. Stewart?Copy !req
483. You seem surprised.Copy !req
484. Well, uh, pleasantly, I assure you.Copy !req
485. What can I do for you?Copy !req
486. You can watch the 11:00 news
on television tonight.Copy !req
487. What?Copy !req
488. Apparently I need a character reference.Copy !req
489. I-I'm afraid I don't understand.Copy !req
490. You don't recognize me?Copy !req
491. No. Should I?Copy !req
492. You said that you saw me...
shoot somebody today.Copy !req
493. No, no. You have nothing
to fear from me, Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
494. But if you'll watch
the late news tonight...Copy !req
495. I'm sure you'll agree that, uh,
you've miscast me... as a murderer.Copy !req
496. Earlier this evening, General
Martin J. Hollister was honored by...Copy !req
497. his alma mater,
the Marine Military Institute.Copy !req
498. At the banquet tonight, M.M.I.
dedicated the Hollister Exhibit...Copy !req
499. in their Memorial Hall.Copy !req
500. The General thereby joining
other select alumni...Copy !req
501. who have distinguished themselves
in the defense of their country.Copy !req
502. General Hollister was given
a standing ovation.Copy !req
503. If any man in recent memory
may be said to have had charisma...Copy !req
504. certainly that man
was General Martin J. Hollister.Copy !req
505. Early on in the Korean War,Copy !req
506. as a colonel commanding
a regiment of armored cavalry...Copy !req
507. Hollister captured the imagination
of the American people.Copy !req
508. His courage, his brilliance in
improvising in the heat of battle...Copy !req
509. his colorful garb, riding breeches,
boots and pearl-handled Colt.45...Copy !req
510. soon earned him the nickname
"The Iron Horseman."Copy !req
511. Later as a brigadier general
with his own division...Copy !req
512. he distinguished himself
by a daring end-run in which...Copy !req
513. out of ammunition
and using only his famous pistol...Copy !req
514. and a monumental bluff...Copy !req
515. he succeeded in capturing
the opposing enemy commander...Copy !req
516. and his entire headquarters.Copy !req
517. Finally, a land mine accomplished
what nothing else could,Copy !req
518. put General Hollister out of action
with severe wounds,Copy !req
519. wounds that necessitated his untimely
retirement from active duty...Copy !req
520. as one of the youngest major generals
in this nation's military history.Copy !req
521. On the foreign scene, the Secretary
of State again reiterated...Copy !req
522. the United States' determination
to keep current...Copy !req
523. troop levels in Europe stable.Copy !req
524. In reply to sharp Senate...Copy !req
525. You still think a man like that could
shoot someone for no reason at all?Copy !req
526. He's practically on Mount Rushmore.Copy !req
527. You didn't even recognize him
when he came here.Copy !req
528. I was in a state of shock.Copy !req
529. I mean, I didn't expect him to
show up on our doorstep.Copy !req
530. Why don't you just admit
that you're not sure?Copy !req
531. Because I am sure.Copy !req
532. You were sure when you
were married to Tom too. Remember?Copy !req
533. You had him running around
with every woman in town.Copy !req
534. No wonder he asked for a divorce.Copy !req
535. Those were not mirages, Mother!Copy !req
536. Those were flesh-and-blood ladies
he was carrying on with.Copy !req
537. He even admitted it.Copy !req
538. Your pot's overcooking.Copy !req
539. That is not a pot! It's a crock!Copy !req
540. Oh!Copy !req
541. General Hollister.
Colorful character.Copy !req
542. Reminds me of General Patton.
Old Blood and Guts.Copy !req
543. How about a game of pool
before we call it a night, Lieutenant?Copy !req
544. No, thanks, Bert. Not tonight.
I gotta get up early.Copy !req
545. Got somethin' special goin' on?Copy !req
546. Uh, yeah.
I think I'm gonna do a little fishin'.Copy !req
547. Hey. All right. If you catch
something good, bring it in.Copy !req
548. I'll give you a bowl of chili free.
Hey!Copy !req
549. Come on, General,
just one more drink, huh?Copy !req
550. One more?Copy !req
551. Look, it's 4:00 in the morning.Copy !req
552. Go on home
to your wives, gentlemen.Copy !req
553. Let's go up for one more drink.Copy !req
554. Look, I always make it a rule
to be in bed before reveille.Copy !req
555. Go home.
Good night, gentlemen.Copy !req
556. Ahoy, Lieutenant.
You're an early bird.Copy !req
557. Oh, yes, sir.
Be right with you.Copy !req
558. Yeah. I'm just, uh...Copy !req
559. combining a little
business with pleasure.Copy !req
560. At this hour?Copy !req
561. Well, George... My brother-in-law
George? Well, you don't know him.Copy !req
562. But at any rate, he's a fantastic
fisherman, this man...Copy !req
563. and he told me that...Copy !req
564. the best time to catch anything
is around about now. He says,Copy !req
565. get there before everybody, and you
kind of catch the fish off guard.Copy !req
566. Mm-hmm.
Doesn't look like it worked.Copy !req
567. Not yet.
But I'm gonna keep trying.Copy !req
568. I don't think you'll catch
anything big around here, Lieutenant.Copy !req
569. You're too close in.Copy !req
570. Oh? Yeah, you know?
You're probably right.Copy !req
571. General, there's somethin'
I don't understand.Copy !req
572. All the other fishing boats,
they were goin' out...Copy !req
573. and your boat is just comin' in.
Why is that?Copy !req
574. I've won a lot of battles, Lieutenant,
and I've caught a lot of fish...Copy !req
575. by doing the unconventional thing.Copy !req
576. Do you know that I have always
envied somebody with that talent?Copy !req
577. I don't think you can learn that.Copy !req
578. You know, I think
you're born with that?Copy !req
579. You know, inventors,
and military strategists?Copy !req
580. Now, I wish I had that,Copy !req
581. because that'd be a terrific thing
in my work. Do you know what I mean?Copy !req
582. Mm-hmm.
Yes, I'm sure it would.Copy !req
583. Oh, General, talking about work,Copy !req
584. there's a couple of loose ends
I'd like to tie up...Copy !req
585. Nothin' important, you understand,
but I would like to get 'em tied up.Copy !req
586. Fire away.Copy !req
587. Well, I was watchin'
the news on television last night.Copy !req
588. Those film clips of you in action?
Great stuff! Really.Copy !req
589. Thank you.Copy !req
590. Yeah, it was just thrilling.Copy !req
591. But you know, General, I happened
to notice that you were...Copy !req
592. carrying a pearl-handled pistol.Copy !req
593. Splendid weapon.
A single-action Colt.45.Copy !req
594. Yeah, I remembered that! That was
kinda like your trademark, wasn't it?Copy !req
595. Well, the thing is this,
that, uh...Copy !req
596. yesterday, when I asked you
whether you owned any guns...Copy !req
597. you showed me your souvenirs,
and you showed me your target pistol.Copy !req
598. Which is all very well and good.Copy !req
599. But I was wondering, whatever happened
to that pearl-handled revolver?Copy !req
600. Because when I looked into the crate,
you know I didn't see it in there.Copy !req
601. Lost it, Lieutenant.
Long time ago.Copy !req
602. When I was in the hospital in Korea,
someone "liberated" it, you know.Copy !req
603. Wanted a souvenir.Copy !req
604. Actually, I was...
I was pretty pleased it was taken.Copy !req
605. It was getting to be just too much
of a publicity gimmick.Copy !req
606. I see. So the Hollister Exhibit...Copy !req
607. is gonna have to do without
the famous Hollister gun.Copy !req
608. Uh, not exactly. M.M.I.
wanted one for their Memorial...Copy !req
609. so they had a duplicate made.Copy !req
610. I see.Copy !req
611. Uh-huh. Now, uh,
I've gotta change.Copy !req
612. So, if there's anything else
I can do for you?Copy !req
613. No, that'd be all, sir.Copy !req
614. Oh, fine, fine.
Just a piece of advice.Copy !req
615. Find a different spot.
Or use a different bait.Copy !req
616. Otherwise, you're not
gonna catch anything, Lieutenant.Copy !req
617. Mrs. Stewart. Mrs. Stewart?Copy !req
618. Good afternoon. Did you watch
television last night?Copy !req
619. Yes, I did.
Uh, how did you find me?Copy !req
620. I went by your apartment.
Had a nice talk with your mother.Copy !req
621. - Quite a lady.
- Isn't she?Copy !req
622. I understand that you're through here
in about an hour.Copy !req
623. Do you suppose that
you and I could go somewhere...Copy !req
624. oh, a public place,
if you're worried...Copy !req
625. someplace where
we could have a drink?Copy !req
626. Why?Copy !req
627. Well, you're breaking the law.Copy !req
628. Uh, wha...?
I don't think I understand.Copy !req
629. You're accusing, convicting and
sentencing me, without a fair trial.Copy !req
630. Now, wouldn't you say
that that's un-American?Copy !req
631. Here's to your convictions,
and my acquittal.Copy !req
632. Well, I don't judge you, General.Copy !req
633. I just report what I saw.Copy !req
634. Uh, I'd like to suggest...Copy !req
635. the possibility that
you were deceived.Copy !req
636. Deceived by whom?Copy !req
637. By yourself.Copy !req
638. We all know the tricks that
the sun and the sea...Copy !req
639. even your own eyes
can play on you, huh?Copy !req
640. Particularly after
a long day on the water.Copy !req
641. Would you admit
that that's possible?Copy !req
642. Just possible.Copy !req
643. Well, I suppose so.Copy !req
644. The defense rests. For today.Copy !req
645. Now, I think we ought to
prosecute these martinis...Copy !req
646. before their statutes
of limitations expire.Copy !req
647. Uh, your mother told me
that you were divorced.Copy !req
648. Yes.Copy !req
649. Well, I saw how very, um...Copy !req
650. good you were with those children?Copy !req
651. Do you have any of your own?Copy !req
652. No.Copy !req
653. Unfortunately.
I always wanted them, but...Copy !req
654. Tom... why, th-that's my ex...
he didn't want children.Copy !req
655. We used to fight about that a lot.Copy !req
656. Well, maybe you only lost
one battle... Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
657. Not a whole war.Copy !req
658. Well, what about you?
Are you married?Copy !req
659. No. Never could find the time.Copy !req
660. First, there was my military career.Copy !req
661. And then, my construction company.Copy !req
662. I was married to the business,
as they say.Copy !req
663. Well, I-I can understand that.Copy !req
664. Do you ever... regret it?Copy !req
665. Not really.Copy !req
666. Oh, there are exceptions.
Like, uh...Copy !req
667. last night, when the door opened
and I saw you.Copy !req
668. Oh, come on, General.Copy !req
669. You don't think I'm so insensitive as to
not see through that remark, do you?Copy !req
670. Now, what do you mean by that?Copy !req
671. Well, yesterday I called the police...Copy !req
672. and I... I reported that
I saw you shoot a man.Copy !req
673. And today, you're telling me that when
you saw me, music filled your ears...Copy !req
674. and thunder and lightning
filled the sky? Oh, boy!Copy !req
675. Yeah, you're right, you're right.Copy !req
676. I guess if we both see such a scene
in a movie, we'd... we'd break up.Copy !req
677. I meant it, though.Copy !req
678. And to prove that,
I want to take you to dinner.Copy !req
679. Agreed?Copy !req
680. I'll take that for a yes.Copy !req
681. And if Helen had just closed her eyes
to some of Tom's... flirtations...Copy !req
682. they might still be married!Copy !req
683. Whatever happened
to your husband, Mrs. Walters?Copy !req
684. Who knows! Sent him out
for Chinese food thirty years ago...Copy !req
685. and I haven't
heard from him since.Copy !req
686. You know that I have
raised that girl...Copy !req
687. since she was three years old,
single-handed?Copy !req
688. Mother...Copy !req
689. - Mrs. Stewart.
- Hello, Lieutenant.Copy !req
690. Well, I hope you don't
expect to eat now.Copy !req
691. No. I already had dinner.Copy !req
692. At a lovely restaurant overlooking
the city. It was just beautiful.Copy !req
693. Well, you might have called.Copy !req
694. Did you dine alone?Copy !req
695. Why, no. Not this time.Copy !req
696. As a matter of fact, I had
dinner with General Hollister.Copy !req
697. General Hollister!Copy !req
698. Well, what do you know about that?
Are you gonna see him again?Copy !req
699. Well, he-he asked me
to come out on his yacht.Copy !req
700. Well, that calls for a drink.Copy !req
701. You play your cards right...
bourbon today, champagne tomorrow.Copy !req
702. Makes you kinda wonder, doesn't it?
About the General.Copy !req
703. What do you mean?Copy !req
704. I didn't tell him your name, you know.
And I didn't tell him where you lived.Copy !req
705. So, uh, he musta gone
to a lot of trouble to find you.Copy !req
706. Curiosity about his accuser.Copy !req
707. Yeah, could be that.
Course, it could be something else.Copy !req
708. Oh, thanks a lot, Lieutenant.Copy !req
709. Am I so uninteresting that he couldn't
be interested in me for myself?Copy !req
710. Oh, no. No, no.
No, I didn't mean that at all.Copy !req
711. You're a very individual person.Copy !req
712. No, what I was talking about
was the shooting.Copy !req
713. You see, I had second thoughts
about the shooting.Copy !req
714. You see, our traffic people, they
picked up a couple of kids.Copy !req
715. They were joyriding in a car
they hot-wired.Copy !req
716. And it turned out this car belonged
to a Roger Dutton...Copy !req
717. and he's a Marine colonel,
Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
718. And it could be that he was the man
that you saw in the General's house.Copy !req
719. You know, you did a lot of
investigating...Copy !req
720. for a man who asked me if I wore
glasses, or if I had been drinking.Copy !req
721. Well, that's just part of the job.Copy !req
722. Anyway... I found out
this Colonel Dutton...Copy !req
723. booked a passage on an 8:00 p.m.
flight to Switzerland.Copy !req
724. But then, he never showed up
to take the plane.Copy !req
725. Well, I-I still don't
get the connection.Copy !req
726. No, you see, this Colonel Dutton,
he was in the Marine Matériel Command.Copy !req
727. That's a, uh, he's
a procurement officer.Copy !req
728. But he had a lotta dealings
with General Hollister.Copy !req
729. And he suddenly took a leave
and then he just disappeared.Copy !req
730. Now, if you could identify
the officer in this photograph...Copy !req
731. as the man that
General Hollister shot...Copy !req
732. Then, I think, a lot of
these pieces would fall into place.Copy !req
733. I... I can't be sure.Copy !req
734. Well, now that photograph
is three years old...Copy !req
735. It all happened so quick.
I just can't be sure.Copy !req
736. I see. Uh-huh. Okay.Copy !req
737. We haven't found a body yet,
so why don't you just keep that?Copy !req
738. And maybe we'll come
back to you, yes? All right.Copy !req
739. Uh, good night, Mrs. Walters.
Good night, Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
740. Uh...Copy !req
741. You know what strikes me?
You're the one that downgrades yourself.Copy !req
742. One dinner with General Hollister...Copy !req
743. and you begin to doubt your senses.Copy !req
744. Helen? You awake?Copy !req
745. Ahh! I never knew
how hard fishing could be.Copy !req
746. Never tell that to a fisherman.
Look.Copy !req
747. What do you see?Copy !req
748. Your house.Copy !req
749. And in the window?Copy !req
750. I can't see anything, because of
the reflection of the sun on the water.Copy !req
751. You know, you said that
you saw a shooting there,Copy !req
752. about this same time of day.Copy !req
753. Ooh.Copy !req
754. Dance?Copy !req
755. Uh, me? No.Copy !req
756. What?Copy !req
757. No, I... I'm kind of a klutz.Copy !req
758. Well, you know, my ex-husband,
Tom, you know, he was...Copy !req
759. he was like a ballroom dancer,
I mean, he was so smooth...Copy !req
760. it was like... it was like
he was ice skating, you know?Copy !req
761. And then, I mean, I...Copy !req
762. Well, people used to smirk
and make jokes.Copy !req
763. Those were my plumper days.Copy !req
764. My mother said...
I looked like a radish.Copy !req
765. - Come here.
- No!Copy !req
766. Come here. That's an order.Copy !req
767. This late development has just
come into our newsroom.Copy !req
768. Early this morning, the body
of a man surfaced in the ocean...Copy !req
769. one-half mile off Marago Cove.Copy !req
770. The body has been identified
as that of Colonel Roger Dutton...Copy !req
771. of the United States
Marine Matériel Command.Copy !req
772. The police report that Colonel
Dutton's whereabouts...Copy !req
773. has been in question
for the past two weeks.Copy !req
774. We return you now to
The Timothy Jones Show.Copy !req
775. Ahoy!Copy !req
776. Ahoy, there, Lieutenant.Copy !req
777. What's this,
another fishing expedition?Copy !req
778. Not exactly. Just wanted
to talk to you, General.Copy !req
779. Oh, I'm afraid I can't
right now. No time.Copy !req
780. Uh, unless you want to go along.
A short scenic cruise?Copy !req
781. I, uh... I'm taking an overnight haul.
I want to test the engines.Copy !req
782. Okay.Copy !req
783. Uh, cast this line off down here
and then hop aboard, huh?Copy !req
784. Gorgeous craft!
Must have cost a mint, huh?Copy !req
785. As they say, Lieutenant,
if you have to ask, you can't afford it.Copy !req
786. Right. You know, the biggest thing
I've ever been on before is a rowboat.Copy !req
787. Lieutenant...Copy !req
788. you didn't come all the way out here...Copy !req
789. just to talk about
life on the high seas.Copy !req
790. Huh? Oh!
No. No, I was wondering, General...Copy !req
791. have you heard about that body
that they found off Marago Cove?Copy !req
792. Oh, Colonel Dutton? Yeah, I just heard
about it. Just came on the radio.Copy !req
793. That is shocking.Copy !req
794. Any idea what happened?Copy !req
795. Yes, sir.Copy !req
796. Somebody shot him, sir.Copy !req
797. I guess they weighted him down
and then they just dumped him.Copy !req
798. - Is that a fact?
- Yeah.Copy !req
799. I guess the sharks must have cut
through whatever was holding him down.Copy !req
800. Well, this is all very
interesting, Lieutenant, but...Copy !req
801. why are you telling me this?Copy !req
802. Well, sir, uh... to protect you.Copy !req
803. - Protect me?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
804. You see, I know
that this is ridiculous...Copy !req
805. but the fellas down there
at the department, they're sayin'...Copy !req
806. they've got some kind of
a pretty good case against you.Copy !req
807. - Oh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
808. Of course, they're way out
of line, I know that.Copy !req
809. Of course, of course.Copy !req
810. But you know, they have these ideas,
and it could be embarrassing.Copy !req
811. I tell ya, I, uh...
I kinda hate to get into it. I mean...Copy !req
812. you know, a man of your stature.Copy !req
813. By all means, get into it, Lieutenant.Copy !req
814. Yes, sir.Copy !req
815. Well, take motive.Copy !req
816. Your construction company got a lot
of contracts through Colonel Dutton.Copy !req
817. So did hundreds of other companies.Copy !req
818. Yeah, but it seems as though he was...Copy !req
819. being investigated
by the Inspector General.Copy !req
820. And if he were killed, there
would be no way of proving...Copy !req
821. a conspiracy
to defraud the government.Copy !req
822. Well, if no one's around, perhaps
that means it doesn't exist!Copy !req
823. Right. Right, that's a good point.Copy !req
824. Uh, there's one other thing.Copy !req
825. Uh, the morning
after he disappeared...Copy !req
826. you went out on your yacht.Copy !req
827. Sheer coincidence.Copy !req
828. Yeah, it probably is. But we do know
that the body was disposed of at sea.Copy !req
829. Now, I've been studying
the tides, General.Copy !req
830. Now, the Coast and Geodetic
Survey's got a book on 'em...Copy !req
831. and it shows that a body dumped
off the marina in the ocean...Copy !req
832. might carry down to Marago Cove.Copy !req
833. Might, Lieutenant. Might.Copy !req
834. Sheer speculation!Copy !req
835. Lieutenant, you should tell
your... colleagues...Copy !req
836. that they have yet to show any link
between Colonel Dutton and myself...Copy !req
837. something that would prove
that we actually met on that day.Copy !req
838. Yes, sir, uh, you're right there.Copy !req
839. But now that you mention it,
it occurs to me...Copy !req
840. that the night
that the colonel disappeared...Copy !req
841. I did see a car like his
across the street from your house.Copy !req
842. I don't know what kind
of a car the colonel drove...Copy !req
843. but there must be thousands
of them in Southern California.Copy !req
844. You didn't, uh, by any chance...
check the registration at the time?Copy !req
845. Uh, no, sir. No, sir, I didn't.
There's no reason to.Copy !req
846. Now, that was unfortunate, wasn't it?Copy !req
847. Uh, General, if you don't mind,
I'd like to go back now.Copy !req
848. Yes, as you wish. I guess we're
about through with this test run.Copy !req
849. You know, Lieutenant,
I don't see how a man...Copy !req
850. with the name of "Columbo",
shouldn't he be more at home on a boat?Copy !req
851. Must have been another branch
of the family, sir.Copy !req
852. How soon before we land?Copy !req
853. Not long.Copy !req
854. You know, General, there is a link
between you and Colonel Dutton.Copy !req
855. Really?Copy !req
856. Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
857. An eyewitness to the murder
of a military man in your house.Copy !req
858. Help the lady aboard.Copy !req
859. Oh! Oh, Lieutenant, would you...Copy !req
860. Let me take the bag.Copy !req
861. Well, no, maybe you better...
Could you just... Yeah. No, no. Yeah.Copy !req
862. Should I take the bag? All right.Copy !req
863. All right? Okay? Oh!
Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
864. Are you all right?Copy !req
865. Me? Fine. Just fine, yes.Copy !req
866. There's something I wanted
to talk to you about, Mrs. Stewart.Copy !req
867. Uh, we've just recovered a body.Copy !req
868. A Colonel Dutton, the man
that I spoke to you about?Copy !req
869. Somebody dumped him in the ocean.Copy !req
870. He thinks I shot him.Copy !req
871. What I think is unimportant.
What counts is what you saw.Copy !req
872. I... Well, I-I didn't see anything.Copy !req
873. Well, now, Mrs. Stewart,
that's not what you said.Copy !req
874. Well, no, it was the light,
some crazy reflection...Copy !req
875. Yeah, but you told me
that you distinctly...Copy !req
876. I don't care what I said.
I was wrong.Copy !req
877. Can't a person make a mistake?Copy !req
878. Look, maybe if I could talk
about this later on.Copy !req
879. I'm gonna say the same thing later
that I'm saying now, so would ya...Copy !req
880. Would you just please leave me alone?Copy !req
881. If you ever want to go out again,
I'll be happy to take you, Columbo.Copy !req
882. Hey, Lieutenant. How goes it?Copy !req
883. So-so, huh?
How 'bout a bowl of chili?Copy !req
884. - Bert, gimme some chili.
- Ah, there you go.Copy !req
885. Comin' right up, Lieutenant.Copy !req
886. Got the best in town, you know.Copy !req
887. - You got a match?
- Sure!Copy !req
888. Lemme get this chili to ya.
Here you go, your crackers...Copy !req
889. Here you go. Help yourself.Copy !req
890. How do you like that coffee?
Is that black?Copy !req
891. - What is this?
- That's my helmet from the war.Copy !req
892. What war?Copy !req
893. What war? World War II!Copy !req
894. My wife says I can never
throw anything out. So the other day...Copy !req
895. she put her foot down. She says
either the junk goes or she goes.Copy !req
896. You decided to keep her.Copy !req
897. It was a tough decision.Copy !req
898. Anyway, I brought all
my war trophies over here.Copy !req
899. Hey! Wait a minute.Copy !req
900. You're one guy that can appreciate this.
I'll get you another bowl of chili.Copy !req
901. My chili is good, no matter what...
Here. Yeah, I got this, that...Copy !req
902. Look at this. Like, I saved a little...
It's a Japanese stirring spoon.Copy !req
903. - I got 'em at Okinawa, the commissary.
- Yeah.Copy !req
904. Ah, well. You know,Copy !req
905. I guess my wife is right.
I can't give anything away.Copy !req
906. Especially when it means something to ya.Copy !req
907. Yeah, that was
a long time ago, Lieutenant.Copy !req
908. - Bert, gimme a dime.
- Okay, Lieutenant. There you go.Copy !req
909. Let me give you that
bowl of chili I dropped on ya.Copy !req
910. Is that cream and sugar in that coffee?Copy !req
911. Mrs. Stewart? Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
912. Mrs. Stewart? Listen.Copy !req
913. I appreciate very much your
coming down here and meeting me.Copy !req
914. Just remember our agreement,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
915. No questions and no
trying to get me to change my mind.Copy !req
916. Not one question.
Not even a half a question.Copy !req
917. I only wanted you to see the exhibit.Copy !req
918. - Why?
- Look.Copy !req
919. In order to understand a man,
you have to understand his past.Copy !req
920. Quite a collection, huh?Copy !req
921. You see that book?
That's a Marine Military Manual.Copy !req
922. Do you know the story
behind that book?Copy !req
923. No. Mm-mm.Copy !req
924. Martin wanted to wait till the first
rush of tourists had passed,Copy !req
925. so he could explain
everything to me himself.Copy !req
926. I guess he wants you
to know what kind of man he is too.Copy !req
927. About this book.
There's a bullet in that book.Copy !req
928. A sniper tried to kill him.Copy !req
929. And that book stopped a bullet.
And you know, he never batted an eye?Copy !req
930. I mean, that... that tells you something
about what kind of man he is.Copy !req
931. Yes, that he's a man
filled with courage.Copy !req
932. More than a great deal. I think
he has an unusual amount of courage.Copy !req
933. More than you and I,
and more than average people.Copy !req
934. I mean, if was me, I would faint.Copy !req
935. I mean, most people would
take time to recover. But he didn't.Copy !req
936. You see, I think he's, uh...
He's a very a cool man under pressure.Copy !req
937. Hey, that's nice, isn't it? Isn't that
beautifully cut? Custom tailored.Copy !req
938. You know, I think
it's almost too nice.Copy !req
939. I mean, all that concern about clothes,
it's kinda vain, don't you think?Copy !req
940. Some men, Lieutenant, do not want to
look like an unmade bed.Copy !req
941. Just look at this stuff.Copy !req
942. Look at that!Copy !req
943. I mean, this man just had a natural flair
for attracting attention to himself.Copy !req
944. Sometimes undesirable attention, Lieutenant.Copy !req
945. You don't seem surprised to see me.Copy !req
946. Oh, I was kind of expecting you.
I mean, when I spoke to Mrs. Stewart...Copy !req
947. I had a hunch that she'd tell you.Copy !req
948. I'd like to know what this is all about.Copy !req
949. All right, sir.
I'll get right to the point.Copy !req
950. It's has to do with
that duplicate of your gun.Copy !req
951. What about it?Copy !req
952. Well, I find it hard to believe...Copy !req
953. Mrs. Stewart, see if you
agree with me on this...Copy !req
954. I find it hard to believe
that a man like General Hollister...Copy !req
955. who saved and cherished
every war souvenir...Copy !req
956. even the smallest photograph...Copy !req
957. I just think it's strange
that he was so...Copy !req
958. careless as to allow
his gun to be stolen.Copy !req
959. I mean, that pistol was the most famous
single symbol of his whole legend.Copy !req
960. You agree with me, don't you?Copy !req
961. Well...Copy !req
962. I don't know what
you want me to say.Copy !req
963. Well, if it was me...
if it was my gun...Copy !req
964. I would take very good care
of that gun.Copy !req
965. I'd have it in my apartment
where people could see it...Copy !req
966. and I would keep it polished,
and I would keep it oiled...Copy !req
967. and I would keep it loaded.Copy !req
968. And when a certain Colonel Dutton
came to see me...Copy !req
969. and threatened to expose me,
that's the gun that I would use.Copy !req
970. Well, if what you say is true,
I mean, you searched!Copy !req
971. Where is that gun?Copy !req
972. That's what I asked myself.
Where is the gun?Copy !req
973. Why not on public display?
Why not in a glass case?Copy !req
974. Why not in front of
thousands of people?Copy !req
975. And after we found Colonel
Dutton's body, anybody else...Copy !req
976. you, me, anybody else...Copy !req
977. We'd have gotten rid of that gun.Copy !req
978. We found the bullet in the victim...Copy !req
979. and the ballistics check will
match up the bullet with the gun.Copy !req
980. But somehow, General,
something told me...Copy !req
981. that you could never
get rid of that gun.Copy !req
982. It meant too much to you.Copy !req
983. You couldn't even
part with a cigarette lighter.Copy !req
984. No, that pearl-handled pistol
was just too tied up in your pride.Copy !req
985. Because of your tremendous
belief in yourself, you figured...Copy !req
986. everyone would accept your story about
having a duplicate made.Copy !req
987. But there never was a duplicate made,
was there?Copy !req
988. This, in fact, is the murder weapon,
isn't it, General?Copy !req
989. I assume Ballistics has
checked out the gun.Copy !req
990. That won't be necessary.Copy !req
991. All right, Lieutenant.Copy !req
992. I'm sorry.Copy !req
993. What is it with me, Lieutenant, huh?Copy !req
994. I seem to have a special talent,
you know? I mean, with...Copy !req
995. With all the men in the world,Copy !req
996. I always seem to pick Mr. Wrong.Copy !req
997. I'm seriously considering locking...Copy !req
998. myself in a closet
for the rest of my life.Copy !req
999. No. That's wrong.Copy !req
1000. That's just the way my niece,
Marilyn, felt after her divorce.Copy !req
1001. Now she's got a new husband.
As a matter of fact, he's a cop.Copy !req
1002. And they got six kids.Copy !req
1003. Lieutenant... I mean, just between us,
would you tell me the truth?Copy !req
1004. Do you really have a niece?Copy !req
1005. What kind of a question is that?
"Do I really have a niece?"Copy !req
1006. Well, do you?Copy !req
1007. Of course I've got a niece!
My wife's sister's girl, Cynthia.Copy !req