1. God save Ireland, said the heroes
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2. God save Ireland, say us all
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3. Whether on the gallows high
Or the battle field we die,
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4. Oh, what matter
when for Erin dear we fall
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5. High upon the gallows tree
Swung the noble hearted three
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6. By the vengeful tyrant
stricken in their bloom
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7. But they met them face to face
With the courage of their race,
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8. And they went with souls
undaunted to their doom
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9. God save Ireland, said the heroes
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10. God save Ireland, say us all
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11. Whether on the gallows high
Or the battlefield we die,
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12. Oh, what matter when
for Erin dear we fall
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13. Well, that's a very
interesting question, I suppose.
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14. But as far as I'm concerned, if you'll
excuse me, it's a non-question.
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15. You see, it never really occurred to me.
You see, at a very early age,
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16. I decided to be me own master
and the servant of no one.
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17. And that left two promising
possibilities. Either be a king or a poet.
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18. Now, as Ireland had her fill of kings,
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19. I clearly saw I had to educate
myself to the way of words.
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20. So, I took to drink immediately,
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21. fell in love at every opportunity, and
avoided the schoolroom like the plague.
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22. I advise you to do the same.
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23. You have eyes like emeralds.
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24. I'll gladly buy their splendid memory
with the story of my life.
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25. Will you do me the honor,
Mr. Devlin?
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26. All included in the price, Mr...
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27. The name is Pauley.
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28. Vincent Pauley.
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29. I understand you're in the market.
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30. Any special inscription?
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31. Whatever is appropriate.
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32. Perhaps we could have a drink sometime
and discuss each other's work.
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33. I'd enjoy that. Sometime soon?
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34. Oh, I see that crafty look
of disapproval.
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35. You want to love me, Kerry,
but you think I drink too much.
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36. Mr. Full's Irish Dew.
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37. The label says,
"Let each man be paid in full."
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38. What do I owe you, Kerry?
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39. Thank you very much, sir.
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40. Well now,
for all your righteousness,
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41. when did you last write to your mother?
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42. A week or two ago.
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43. More like a month or two ago.
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44. Why don't you write today?
Write her about life in America.
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45. Write her about your job
with Mr. O'Connell.
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46. Laying lines of red bricks
like a craftsman born.
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47. Why don't you write her anything you
damn well please, only write her.
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48. I'll write her you drink too much.
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49. Mr. Devlin, please.
My name is Pauley.
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50. Mr. Devlin.
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51. I don't recall inviting you here,
Mr. Pauley.
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52. I prefer neutral ground.
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53. You're the one in a rush.
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54. Can we be alone?
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55. Run along, Kerry.
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56. Excuse me.
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57. You're satisfied
I come from your friends?
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58. They're satisfied.
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59. Care for a dram?
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60. No, thank you.
Let's get this done with.
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61. We're talking about
a large sum of money, Mr. Pauley.
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62. I've never handed over a sum like that
to a man I've never had a drink with.
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63. I'm not a convivial man,
Mr. Devlin.
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64. Now, this is the item
I think we'll be talking about.
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65. The M11. Easy to fire.
Easy to conceal.
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66. Rate of fire, 1200 per minutes.
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67. Effective range, 200 yards.
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68. And this is
the companion piece, the M10.
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69. Uses a more powerful charge.
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70. Greater range, more expensive.
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71. My recommendation is still the M11.
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72. As I understand it, the need is for
hit and run, close quarters.
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73. Why spend the extra money?
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74. My handguns are superb.
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75. But they will not give
the rate of fire.
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76. A poet's choice.
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77. We'll stay with the M11.
500 weapons.
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78. $300 a unit, as stipulated.
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79. $150,000 for the order.
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80. That's agreeable, then.
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81. You may keep that, if you like.
Beautiful craftsmanship.
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82. Has a built-in silencer.
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83. The full order of M11's to be delivered
aboard your ship or wherever preferred...
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84. on the 30th of the month.
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85. When?
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86. The 30th. Guaranteed.
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87. I told you the 15th.
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88. My supplier advises me
the 15th is not possible.
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89. The ship sails at 3:00 p.m. on the 15th.
After that, your guns are useless.
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90. I understand the urgency...
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91. of the weapons arriving in
Belfast by a certain day,
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92. but my supplier can't supply
what he doesn't have.
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93. At least, not at these prices.
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94. You're suggesting something extra
might touch his heart?
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95. Or yours, Mr. Pauley.
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96. I am suggesting
his priorities might be adjusted,
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97. possibly, for an additional $50,000 in
all cash in advance by tonight.
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98. If I agree to the extra $50,000.
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99. It's up to you, Mr. Devlin.
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100. I deal only in guns. Not rebellion.
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101. I'll be in touch.
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102. I'm sure you will.
And when we meet again,
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103. let's make it somewhere else.
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104. Mr. Pauley.
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105. So, a policeman says,
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106. "What are you doing with that great
load of dynamite in that paper sack?"
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107. "Dynamite?" says I.
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108. "I'm only 14 years old.
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109. And I'm begging your English pardons,
the fella that sold it to me...
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110. said it was flaming bloody fireworks
to celebrate the king's birthday."
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111. "King's birthday
ain't for five months."
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112. "Oh, well, then, sirs.
Celebration's a bit premature.
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113. So, if it's all the same to you,
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114. I'll wait for the great day
back in Ireland."
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115. Well, they packed me off...
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116. to an English hotel for the wicked,
complete with royal iron bars,
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117. porridge like gravel,
and frequent roll calls.
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118. "Devlin, Joseph!"
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119. "Yes, sir." "Where?"
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120. "Here. Right here."
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121. "Oh?" "That's right."
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122. "Devlin, Joseph.
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123. You are a miserable bit
of incomprehensible filth."
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124. He could tell right off, I had
the makings of a professional poet.
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125. Well now, it's nearly 11:30 and,
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126. as for my own poetry,
we're sick to death on it.
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127. Glorious as it is.
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128. Now, I grant you,
this is an odd gathering.
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129. A boy from the back streets
of Belfast...
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130. come to wring your pockets
and your consciences.
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131. But there are some here
with ties of blood...
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132. and some who have memories
of those selfsame streets.
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133. Kate O'Connell.
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134. She's given over her house
for these money-raising shenanigans.
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135. And George, her son.
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136. He's never seen
his mother's Belfast,
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137. but he understands the pity of it.
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138. Irish against Irish.
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139. They cut each other down
with guns and bombs.
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140. Oh, I've seen it well enough.
Kerry here fled from it.
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141. The madmen on both sides.
Hot to kill, calling it duty,
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142. passion, patriotism,
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143. even morality, God help us.
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144. And they said to me,
"Once you were one of us, Joe."
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145. "Oh, no," I said. "No."
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146. I was a foolish child.
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147. I was one of your victims.
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148. But we're all bloody victims
of the Irish sorrow.
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149. Well, nothing was ever
solved by guns.
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150. And nothing ever will be.
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151. But by St. Pat's good hands
and a hand to the pocketbook,
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152. we can look to the widows
and the orphans,
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153. the helpless, and the hopeless.
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154. Because those of us here
in this house, this room,
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155. this night, we can be their help
against the lunatic gunmen.
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156. We can be their hope.
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157. And why not?
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158. If we don't put it in
that little barrel,
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159. I'll tell you what'll happen to it.
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160. Some find it most important
and others roll about
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161. Some take delight in playing
and wind up full of doubt
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162. Why search any farther,
the answer's where you are
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163. So join the celebration,
it's whiskey in the jar
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164. Oh, whack a diddle diddle
oh, whack a diddle dee
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165. There's no greater pleasure
than whiskey in the jar
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166. Oh, whack a diddle diddle
oh, whack a diddle dee
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167. It makes your spirits rise up
when there is whiskey in the jar
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168. For a rough guess,
I'd say $46,000.
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169. $45,200 this time.
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170. You should've been
a businessman, Joe.
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171. And live your life?
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172. Not for all the wealth
of O'Connell Industries.
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173. Don't you trust
your accountant, George?
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174. My husband trusted everyone,
built the O'Connell business.
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175. My son trusts no one
and built it twice as big.
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176. I trust my son.
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177. Go right ahead, George.
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178. And make sure that Mr. Moore
puts the money in the right account.
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179. You have the majesty
of queens, madam.
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180. When will you see
your Mr. Pauley again?
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181. When the time's right.
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182. Does he know about the ship?
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183. He knows she sails on the 15th.
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184. I want to be at that meeting, Joe.
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185. Well, now.
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186. Mr. Pauley comes
recommended by our friends.
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187. I wonder what that's worth.
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188. You see, I'm not much of a
trusting fellow myself, George.
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189. Mr. Pauley knows
no one in this room but me.
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190. And no one in this room
knows Mr. Pauley.
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191. So we'll keep it that way.
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192. You take care of the money,
I'll take care of our business.
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193. "For the great Gales of Ireland,
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194. Are the men that God made mad...
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195. For all their wars are merry...
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196. And all their songs are sad."
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197. And I wonder what
our guests would say...
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198. if they knew it was
all going to buy guns.
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199. - Mr. Devlin.
- Mr. Pauley.
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200. I have very good news for us.
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201. Have you now?
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202. Have a drink on it.
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203. My very own.
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204. How very thoughtful of you,
Mr. Pauley, and how very observant.
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205. Will you join me?
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206. No. I'll pass, thank you.
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207. Then I'll drink
to my own good fortune.
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208. This far and no farther.
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209. Three hundred of these
delivered on the 15th.
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210. The extra $50,000
struck a sentimental chord.
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211. When I leave here, Mr. Pauley,
you'll have my money.
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212. I'll have your sincere
promise of the guns.
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213. May I count on the pleasure
of your company here in Los Angeles...
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214. until the weapons are in my hands?
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215. Whatever is necessary.
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216. I'm very pleased to hear it.
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217. You see, I'm curious as to
how a man like you spends his time.
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218. Now, today, you treated yourself to a
fine blazer jacket with gold buttons.
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219. You had an excellent lunch
of Indian curry.
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220. I'm partial to the spicier
varieties myself.
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221. Then you visited the airline office
in this very hotel...
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222. where you purchased passage
on a flight to Lisbon,
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223. leaving in two and a half hours.
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224. Now, what puzzles me,
Mr. Pauley,
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225. is how you can possibly
be in Lisbon...
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226. and Los Angeles
at one and the same time.
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227. I see.
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228. I think we'd better
clear the air here.
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229. You're here to purchase guns,
not the story of my life.
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230. But you do understand my concern.
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231. I don't have to account to you.
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232. We execute traitors, Mr. Pauley.
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233. Didn't you know that?
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234. Love of God, Joe,
what have you done to us?
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235. I picked up every piece
of paper in the man's suite.
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236. Somewhere in these scraps, I'll find
his supplier and be my own middleman.
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237. What supplier?
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238. According to you, Pauley was gonna
steal our money and run.
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239. This time he became greedy.
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240. But he served our friends before.
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241. Where the hell do you think
he gets his guns?
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242. Makes them in a cellar
with Santa's elves? Oh, George.
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243. Somewhere there's a supplier.
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244. How will you introduce yourself?
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245. "I'm Devlin. I'm the lad who
shot your dealer."
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246. What the hell is he doing?
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247. I'm writing my mother.
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248. Well, he can write her
how we'll all end up in prison.
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249. I want him back in the brickyard.
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250. George, you're like the gallant
young knight...
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251. who flung himself onto his horse and
went galloping off in all directions.
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252. Kerry.
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253. Start with this, George.
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254. No one of us had anything
to do with this base crime of murder.
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255. It has nothing to do with us.
And if for the sake of argument...
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256. someone known to you or me did take
a hand in punishing Vincent Pauley,
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257. there is no connection
for the police to turn up.
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258. Nothing ties the gunman
to the victim.
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259. No one ever saw them together.
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260. Only Vincent Pauley
knew his executioner.
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261. Poor Pauley's dead.
And that's the end of it.
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262. There's a policeman in the parlor.
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263. Excuse me.
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264. My name is Joe Devlin.
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265. Excuse me, sir.
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266. I couldn't resist
trying your pinball machine.
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267. I guess I tried a little too hard.
But that's an old problem with me, sir.
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268. The way I keep steering
and pushing and pulling at things,
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269. someday the whole sky is going to
light up and it's gonna say, "TILT."
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270. And that's gonna be
the end of the world.
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271. My name is Lieutenant Columbo, sir,
I'm with the police.
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272. Homicide.
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273. - You wanted to see me, Lieutenant?
- Oh, I've already seen you, sir.
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274. I mean, I've seen you before.
Your one-man show.
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275. Mrs. Columbo,
she insisted that we go.
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276. I'm gonna tell you the truth.
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277. I'm not all that much
of a poetry fan.
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278. But the way that you held
that audience that night,
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279. Mr. Devlin, you could've heard
a pin drop.
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280. You were fantastic.
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281. Oh, Mr. O'Connell.
This is Lieutenant Columbo.
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282. And the young man is Kerry Malone,
late of the Emerald Isle.
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283. If you're here about the parking ticket,
Lieutenant, I'll come quietly.
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284. Right, sir.
That's what everybody says.
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285. Well, in that case,
I'll escape while I can.
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286. Joe.
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287. Kerry, I left a bit of a mess
out there on the table,
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288. perhaps you could clean it up.
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289. I will.
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290. Well, now. How can I help you,
Lieutenant?
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291. Well, it has to do
with a man named Pauley.
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292. Vincent Pauley.
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293. I believe you knew him, sir.
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294. Pauley?
The name isn't familiar.
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295. Care to try your luck again,
Lieutenant?
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296. Oh, thank you very much, sir.
This is a real treat for me.
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297. Carries me right back
to my corner candy store.
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298. I could've sworn that you and
Mr. Pauley were acquaintances.
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299. You never met him?
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300. Should I have met him?
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301. Oh, I forgot to say, sir.
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302. He was shot to death last night
in his hotel room, sir.
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303. My goodness.
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304. We haven't been able to find out
much about him, sir. Except for this.
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305. You see this, sir?
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306. It's your book,
"Up from Ignorance".
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307. Well, certainly,
I'd recognize it anywhere.
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308. We found this book, sir,
in Mr. Pauley's top coat pocket.
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309. And right here, sir, in the fly leaf,
you see this, sir?
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310. That's where you signed his book.
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311. "To Vincent Pauley,
all the best, Joe Devlin."
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312. I thought you certainly
must've known him, sir.
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313. It's all in the touch, isn't it, sir?
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314. Oh, yes.
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315. The secret is in a fine hand.
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316. I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I signed
thousands of these in the last month.
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317. New York, Chicago, San Francisco.
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318. This particular book, sir,
comes from Chandler's bookstore...
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319. right here in Los Angeles.
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320. Well, I was signing
at Chandler's last week.
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321. But I don't recall your Mr. Pauley.
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322. Well, there's this, too, sir.
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323. He wrote something right here,
on the top of the same page, sir.
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324. We checked the handwriting
with the hotel registry.
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325. You see this, sir?
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326. He wrote these words.
"Ourselves Alone."
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327. What do you think that means, sir?
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328. I don't remember this.
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329. That certainly
is a disappointment, sir.
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330. He must've written it in later.
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331. It doesn't give us much to go on.
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332. Oh, dear.
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333. Well, I guess
I'll be running along, sir.
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334. Oh, look at that, sir.
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335. It looks as if you've beaten me.
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336. It's all a matter of luck,
Lieutenant.
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337. Oh, I doubt that you depend
upon luck, sir.
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338. You're not that kind of man.
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339. You know, that's terrific.
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340. Pinball machine,
right here in your living room.
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341. No,
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342. she'd never go for it, sir.
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343. Goodbye, Lieutenant.
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344. Goodbye, sir.
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345. You bloody fool.
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346. I didn't quite understand
that last part, ma'am.
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347. I was wondering how you liked it.
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348. Oh, well, to tell you the truth,
I haven't had a chance to read it yet.
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349. It's a smasher.
Especially if you're Irish.
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350. Well, my name, ma'am, is Columbo.
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351. Lieutenant. I'm with the police.
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352. I'm wondering, ma'am,
if you can recall...
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353. seeing the man
that's in this photo.
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354. He was here in this shop last week
when Mr. Devlin was signing his books.
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355. Looks like he's asleep.
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356. Yes, ma'am. You could say that.
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357. This is the book
that be bought that day.
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358. And Mr. Devlin inscribed it.
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359. I don't remember him.
I'll ask the other clerks.
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360. Well, thank you, ma'am,
that would be very helpful.
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361. Sorry, Lieutenant. No Luck.
No one remembers him.
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362. Well, thanks
just the same, ma'am.
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363. Would you like me to have that wrapped
for you, Lieutenant?
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364. Just browsing, ma'am.
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365. $55 for a book? I could have
my car fixed for that.
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366. That's a very expensive book, ma'am.
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367. Not if you enjoy erotic art.
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368. Well, I'm not sure
my wife would go for it, ma'am.
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369. Your wife might just surprise you.
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370. That's a fact ma'am.
She usually does,
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371. but not $55 worth.
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372. - Sinn Fein, Lieutenant.
- Ma'am?
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373. It's Gaelic for what's
Sinn Fein.
written in the front of your book.
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374. - Mr. Devlin's book?
- Mmm-hmm.
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375. It's Gaelic for "Ourselves Alone."
It's the battle cry of the Irish Rebellion.
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376. "Ourselves Alone?"
Is that what that means?
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377. That's what that's meant
for 70 years.
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378. They're still shooting guns
over there.
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379. Sinn Fein.
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380. Goodbye, ma'am.
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381. Lieutenant. Lieutenant Columbo.
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382. Is this the latest
scientific method?
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383. Only when we're
not expecting company, sir.
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384. I didn't think we'd be seeing
each other so soon.
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385. That's not a complaint, sir.
I'm very pleased.
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386. As am I, Lieutenant.
I believe I may be of some assistance.
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387. I see you've been
reading my book.
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388. Up to the part where you escape from
the English prison and come to America.
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389. It's really fascinating, sir.
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390. Well, as it turns out,
the most fascinating thing of all,
Copy !req
391. is these two words
written by your Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
392. "Ourselves Alone."
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393. I remember them now.
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394. I remember they were already
here when he gave me the book to sign.
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395. I'll be a monkey's uncle.
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396. You know, sir, that is exactly
the same thought that I had.
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397. Because when you wrote there,
Mr. Devlin,
Copy !req
398. you wrote over the words
"Ourselves Alone." You see that?
Copy !req
399. So, those words, "Ourselves Alone,"
they had to be written first.
Copy !req
400. And those two words just
staring up at you from a blank page,
Copy !req
401. that's why I wondered
why you didn't notice them.
Copy !req
402. I thought it was strange at the time.
Copy !req
403. But not nearly as strange as
a policeman knocking on my front door...
Copy !req
404. making enquiries about a murder.
Copy !req
405. I'm afraid the shock
must've addled my memory.
Copy !req
406. Oh, don't mention it, sir.
I understand.
Copy !req
407. Lord knows, I know how
confused people can get...
Copy !req
408. when the police come around
and start asking questions.
Copy !req
409. But to tell you the truth, sir.
Copy !req
410. I've been asking myself a lot of questions
about some of the things in this room,
Copy !req
411. and I don't mind telling you,
I'm very, very confused.
Copy !req
412. Someone with a mind like yours,
Copy !req
413. a creative person
with a superior, logical brain,
Copy !req
414. do you think you could give
me a moment to help me, sir?
Copy !req
415. You put a poor poet
out of his depth, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
416. Well, just consider this, sir.
Copy !req
417. We found this whisky bottle
right here.
Copy !req
418. Right next to Mr. Pauley's body.
Copy !req
419. But there's where it spilled.
Copy !req
420. - You see the stains, sir?
- Yes.
Copy !req
421. - Whiskey.
- The bottle must've been here.
Copy !req
422. On the desk.
Right over the stain.
Copy !req
423. The way I see it,
when Mr. Pauley got shot,
Copy !req
424. he knocked the bottle to the floor
and it spilled out.
Copy !req
425. I'm afraid I'm missing
our problem, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
426. The problem is...
Copy !req
427. how did the bottle get from here...
Copy !req
428. to here?
Copy !req
429. And why?
Copy !req
430. I find that very interesting.
Do you find that interesting, sir?
Copy !req
431. Sounds a bit dreary to me.
Is it important?
Copy !req
432. Well, sir, the bottle
didn't fly around the room on its own.
Copy !req
433. There's gotta be a reason.
Copy !req
434. I plead poverty of invention.
I haven't a clue.
Copy !req
435. You must never make a mistake
of confusing Irish blarney with logic.
Copy !req
436. Well, sir, let's put that aside
for a moment. I got another one for you.
Copy !req
437. I got it here someplace.
Copy !req
438. Have you considered motive
for Mr. Pauley's murder?
Copy !req
439. Well, it turns out
that's another problem, sir.
Copy !req
440. This is Mr. Pauley's briefcase.
A briefcase for carrying papers.
Copy !req
441. Only we can't find
any papers in the room.
Copy !req
442. Not a single shred, sir.
Not even in his wallet.
Copy !req
443. Not in his jacket pocket.
Not in the desk.
Copy !req
444. Unusual.
Copy !req
445. But we found his money and his
credit cards all over the floor.
Copy !req
446. So the motive
certainly wasn't robbery.
Copy !req
447. At least,
not your ordinary robbery.
Copy !req
448. Incredible the way
you piece these things together.
Copy !req
449. Well, we're just scratching
the surface, sir.
Copy !req
450. Here's something else
the killer might have taken.
Copy !req
451. If it was just a robbery, that is.
Copy !req
452. The maid said this case
belonged to Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
453. Good lord. A very warlike gentleman,
your Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
454. That's another thing, sir.
Copy !req
455. The victim was killed
with his own gun.
Copy !req
456. Better and better.
How do you know that?
Copy !req
457. We found the gun right here, sir.
The boys have it down at the lab.
Copy !req
458. Then the killer came into the room,
took a gun from this case.
Copy !req
459. Your Mr. Pauley hears
the breathless beat of angel's wings,
Copy !req
460. as a drunken Irishman
once wrote.
Copy !req
461. And the assassin replaces
the gun in the case. Hooray!
Copy !req
462. No connection to the murder weapon!
Copy !req
463. Well, it could've happened
that way, sir, very easily.
Copy !req
464. But not necessarily.
Copy !req
465. The killer might have already
had Mr. Pauley's gun in his pocket...
Copy !req
466. when he came here last night.
Copy !req
467. I mean, we have to allow for that
logical possibility, sir.
Copy !req
468. Because they did know each other.
Copy !req
469. Lieutenant, you're a fountain
of delightful surprises.
Copy !req
470. How can you be sure
the victim knew the murderer?
Copy !req
471. Well, it's that bottle again, sir.
Copy !req
472. Full's Irish Dew, you see?
Copy !req
473. Now, according to the hotel,
Copy !req
474. when Mr. Pauley couldn't get
that particular brand from room service,
Copy !req
475. he sent out for it.
Copy !req
476. And since he didn't drink himself,
Copy !req
477. he must've ordered
the bottle for somebody, sir.
Copy !req
478. For the killer.
Copy !req
479. Was this the room of an ascetic?
Copy !req
480. Or was it the house of the Devil?
A man who didn't drink, you say?
Copy !req
481. He was a diabetic, sir.
Copy !req
482. We found this medical
alert bracelet on his wrist.
Copy !req
483. I'll be a son of a gun.
Copy !req
484. Here's what I've been
looking for all the time.
Copy !req
485. Here's where I'm really
going to need your logic, sir.
Copy !req
486. "LAP 2-1-3."
Copy !req
487. What does that mean to you, sir?
Copy !req
488. That's Mr. Pauley's handwriting.
Copy !req
489. L-A-P, 2-1-3.
Copy !req
490. Well, I said "LAP," but I suppose.
Copy !req
491. "L-A-P" could stand
for something, too.
Copy !req
492. Could you give me a wee bit
of background, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
493. Oh, right, sir. Sorry.
Copy !req
494. If you'll just step into
the bedroom for a minute.
Copy !req
495. I found it tucked
right under this lamp, sir.
Copy !req
496. Just stuck there.
Copy !req
497. "L-A-P, 2-1-3." You think it has
some special significance, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
498. Well, it occurred to me that maybe
this is what the killer was looking for.
Copy !req
499. What an interesting point.
Copy !req
500. Let's see what we can fetch up
from the dim, gray bog.
Copy !req
501. "L-A-P."
Copy !req
502. LA 213. That's the
telephone area code for Los Angeles.
Copy !req
503. - But then you have your "P," sir.
- Yes, of course.
Copy !req
504. Why would anyone in Los Angeles,
write down the telephone area code.
Copy !req
505. When it's written right here
on the phone, sir.
Copy !req
506. "L-A-P."
Somebody's initials, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
507. But then you have
your "2-1-3", sir.
Copy !req
508. A safety deposit box number.
Copy !req
509. I'm gonna write that down.
Copy !req
510. "P."
Copy !req
511. For police,
a police badge number?
Copy !req
512. Another good one.
Copy !req
513. A personal license plate.
Copy !req
514. Terrific.
Copy !req
515. A code number
for a club membership?
Copy !req
516. You're fantastic, sir.
Copy !req
517. A postal code
outside the United States.
Copy !req
518. Well, I don't know
about that one, sir.
Copy !req
519. The mind flags,
temporary exhaustion.
Copy !req
520. Deprivation of nourishment.
Copy !req
521. Will you be my guest at lunch,
Lieutenant?
Copy !req
522. I was just about to ask you, sir.
Copy !req
523. This is for what I learnt at The Rose
and Thistle in Donegal.
Copy !req
524. This is for the Old Celt,
Londonderry.
Copy !req
525. This one's for the Royal Crown
in Belfast.
Copy !req
526. You've got your work
cut out for you, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
527. What do I need, sir?
Copy !req
528. Sixty-six to get out.
Copy !req
529. This is for taking on an Irishman
in his own backyard.
Copy !req
530. This is for being an Italian
in an Irish pub.
Copy !req
531. Hold this.
Copy !req
532. And this is for the sainted memory
of Sergeant Gilhooley.
Copy !req
533. Great shakes in Ireland, you did it!
Copy !req
534. Well, I got lucky again, sir.
Copy !req
535. I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
536. Who is Sergeant Gilhooley anyway?
Copy !req
537. I might want to pray to
him myself sometime.
Copy !req
538. He was a desk sergeant back
in the 12th precinct,
Copy !req
539. taught me how to play darts.
Copy !req
540. Well, haven't I been taken
for a stroll through the woods.
Copy !req
541. And by a policeman,
into the bargain.
Copy !req
542. We're not that bad, sir,
when you get to know us.
Copy !req
543. Oh, I'm well acquainted
with the police, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
544. A penniless lad scooting
through the streets of New York.
Copy !req
545. You had to have a touch of rascality
in order to survive in those days.
Copy !req
546. You had to be quick of wit
and fleet of foot.
Copy !req
547. You had to do without a coat.
Copy !req
548. And tell yourself that an aching belly
was as natural as the shivers.
Copy !req
549. Most of all, you had to have
a keen eye for the police.
Copy !req
550. So, you see, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
551. Even today, when I spot a gentleman
of your persuasion,
Copy !req
552. my instinct is to flee.
Copy !req
553. Well, if you don't mind, sir,
Copy !req
554. I'm going to take that
as a very high compliment.
Copy !req
555. Sinn Fein, sir.
Copy !req
556. Ah? You're a revolutionary.
Copy !req
557. For those of our years and intelligence,
that can be a risky undertaking.
Copy !req
558. Well, you've outgrown all that, sir.
The war against the English and all.
Copy !req
559. Some of my best sweaters
are English, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
560. We learn, as a drunken Irishman
once wrote,
Copy !req
561. to seek the unstained
pastures of peace.
Copy !req
562. You know what I think, sir.
Copy !req
563. I think the same fellow
who wrote that...
Copy !req
564. wrote about the breathless
beat of angel's wings.
Copy !req
565. Sinn Fein, that's Gaelic,
isn't it, sir?
Copy !req
566. How would you translate that?
Copy !req
567. "We, us."
Copy !req
568. "Those who stand by themselves."
Something like that.
Copy !req
569. "Ourselves Alone," sir?
Copy !req
570. Yes, even better.
Copy !req
571. But when Mr. Pauley
wrote those words in your book, sir,
Copy !req
572. you said you thought
it was very strange.
Copy !req
573. You misunderstood me, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
574. I meant, I didn't know
why he wrote "Ourselves Alone."
Copy !req
575. I suppose in retrospect,
Copy !req
576. it was an Irish salutation
to an Irish book-writer, that's all.
Copy !req
577. Well, that certainly
would explain it, sir.
Copy !req
578. Ah, Mr. Devlin, your bottle, sir.
Copy !req
579. Drink hearty.
Copy !req
580. Not today, Joan.
Copy !req
581. Well, how do you like that, sir.
Copy !req
582. Full's Irish Dew.
Copy !req
583. That's the same thing
Mr. Pauley had.
Copy !req
584. It is that.
Copy !req
585. Japan sends televisions.
Copy !req
586. Ireland sends whiskey.
Do you care for a nip?
Copy !req
587. No, thank you very much, sir.
Copy !req
588. As a matter of fact,
I think I better be running along.
Copy !req
589. It's been a terrific lunch, sir.
Copy !req
590. It's been my pleasure, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
591. I'm sure we'll be seeing
each other again soon.
Copy !req
592. The detective, what did he want?
Copy !req
593. What does anyone want, boy?
A bit of cheer and comfort.
Copy !req
594. This far and no farther.
Copy !req
595. Well, what is it, lad?
Copy !req
596. Well, after you left,
I was watching the telly,
Copy !req
597. and I happened to glance
at Mr. Pauley's program log.
Copy !req
598. Mr. Pauley's indeed.
Copy !req
599. There's a phone number
written there on yesterday's page.
Copy !req
600. And did you call
that phone number?
Copy !req
601. I did, sir. It's a Mr. Jensen,
and I've got his address.
Copy !req
602. You're a credit to your mother, boy.
Copy !req
603. Well, sir. You look like a man
ready for the good life.
Copy !req
604. And how are you today, sir?
Copy !req
605. Excellent, thank you. My name is Devlin.
I'm looking for Mr. Jensen.
Copy !req
606. One and only. You're in the market
for one of our beauties.
Copy !req
607. I'm in the market, so to speak.
Copy !req
608. Mr. Pauley, Mr. Vincent Pauley
suggested I pay you a visit.
Copy !req
609. No, the name
doesn't ring a bell.
Copy !req
610. But we do have a passel
of customers here.
Copy !req
611. The turnover, you would not believe,
brother Devlin.
Copy !req
612. And that's because
our prices are right.
Copy !req
613. You just look at this
little model right here...
Copy !req
614. Another time, perhaps. Mr. Pauley
was arranging a purchase, I believe.
Copy !req
615. Well, if it's an RV, we've got it.
Copy !req
616. We've got the largest
inventory west of Chicago.
Copy !req
617. Super savings on every shape,
every make, every model.
Copy !req
618. Perhaps Mr. Pauley was negotiating
with another dealer.
Copy !req
619. Thank you, Mr. Jensen.
Copy !req
620. Uh, uh... Yes, sir, uh...
Copy !req
621. Now look, I'll tell you.
If you get a lower price from anybody...
Copy !req
622. I'm going to give you
one of these gorgeous hats.
Copy !req
623. Yes, I will, sir. And that goes
for your friend, too, sir.
Copy !req
624. It will be a pleasure
to do business with you.
Copy !req
625. We're being counted on, Joe.
Time's slipping away.
Copy !req
626. I have never betrayed anyone
who counted on me.
Copy !req
627. Don't turn me into one of those.
Copy !req
628. Right. Death before dishonor.
Copy !req
629. Long life, Majesty.
Copy !req
630. Unfortunately, they don't pass out guns
at the local supermarket.
Copy !req
631. Maybe you could think it through
without a glass screwed into your fist.
Copy !req
632. You and young Kerry
ought to get up an act.
Copy !req
633. Hymn-singing for the multitudes.
Copy !req
634. George is right. He's usually right.
Copy !req
635. Drink when it's done with.
Copy !req
636. Well then, why don't I put the whole mess
into the princeling's manicured fingers?
Copy !req
637. Might I remind you that your
sole contribution to this business...
Copy !req
638. has been safe cash
and a righteous tongue.
Copy !req
639. But then, you've got such an executive
flair about you, Mr. O'Connell.
Copy !req
640. Why don't you step
into this mess and clean it up?
Copy !req
641. There's a policeman calling,
ma'am, to see you.
Copy !req
642. Or Mr. O'Connell.
Copy !req
643. Would this policeman
be Lieutenant Columbo?
Copy !req
644. You, Mr. Devlin?
Copy !req
645. Me, Lieutenant.
Thank you, Kerry.
Copy !req
646. Well, this is certainly
another pleasant surprise, sir,
Copy !req
647. the way we keep running
into each other.
Copy !req
648. We just can't keep meeting
like this, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
649. Gee, this is some house.
This is a remarkable room, sir.
Copy !req
650. I mean, all this marble
and all this glass.
Copy !req
651. The most beautiful parlor I've ever seen.
Copy !req
652. Well, it isn't exactly
a parlor, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
653. But come and meet the lady
it was built for.
Copy !req
654. May I present my friend, Kate O'Connell.
Copy !req
655. My friend, Lieutenant Columbo,
Copy !req
656. who hangs about Irish pubs
and skins unsuspecting dart players.
Copy !req
657. I believe you already know
of her son, George.
Copy !req
658. Yes, I remember, Mr. O'Connell.
Copy !req
659. Thanks for seeing me, sir.
How do you do, ma'am?
Copy !req
660. About that dart business,
all I had was a lucky throw.
Copy !req
661. I certainly hope you'll forgive
me for barging in like this, ma'am.
Copy !req
662. Anyone who can skin Joe Devlin
is welcome in the O'Connell home.
Copy !req
663. Oh, thank you, ma'am.
Copy !req
664. Something wrong?
Copy !req
665. I didn't know
who I was dealing with.
Copy !req
666. I mean, O'Connell's.
Is it this O'Connell's?
Copy !req
667. O'Connell Industry?
Copy !req
668. And this and this and this.
My father built most of these.
Copy !req
669. And you built the rest, sir.
Look at this.
Copy !req
670. Dams and buildings and docks
and skyscrapers.
Copy !req
671. It's like the whole country was raised
right under the O'Connell flag.
Copy !req
672. It's not a flag, Lieutenant.
It's a company emblem.
Copy !req
673. We're not quite royalty
for all of Joe's desperate jokes.
Copy !req
674. You see? The modesty of queens.
How can we help you, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
675. Ah, well, ma'am, Mr. O'Connell,
what it's about,
Copy !req
676. it's about the American Friends
for Northern Ireland.
Copy !req
677. I understand you're both
on the board of directors.
Copy !req
678. As am I, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
679. Yes, sir. You seem to be here, too.
Copy !req
680. As I understand it,
you're sort of a pacifist group?
Copy !req
681. It's nothing so dramatic, Lieutenant.
We're Irish-Americans who...
Copy !req
682. deplore the violence on
both sides in Northern Ireland.
Copy !req
683. So we've banded together
to do what we can for the victims.
Copy !req
684. Why do you ask, Lieutenant?
Did you want to make a donation?
Copy !req
685. I'm afraid it has to do
with a murder, Mrs. O'Connell.
Copy !req
686. A man named Pauley was found shot.
Copy !req
687. Excuse me, ma'am.
Copy !req
688. That's a continental stitch,
isn't it?
Copy !req
689. You do needlepoint, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
690. Oh, no, not me, ma'am.
My nephew's the needlepointer.
Copy !req
691. It seems to relax him before he goes
into those weightlifting contests.
Copy !req
692. Excuse me, ma'am.
Copy !req
693. Ah, yes.
That's a basket weave stitch...
Copy !req
694. you've got mixed in there,
am I right, ma'am?
Copy !req
695. Right again, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
696. You mentioned Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
697. Did I tell you, sir?
Maybe I forgot.
Copy !req
698. Did I mention that he was
an illicit arms dealer?
Copy !req
699. That would account for the gun case.
Copy !req
700. The boys at the FBI,
Copy !req
701. they got a file on him
that would choke a horse.
Copy !req
702. But this man, Pauley, ma'am,
Copy !req
703. he was found murdered
a few days ago.
Copy !req
704. Forgive me, ma'am
for being indelicate like that.
Copy !req
705. But you know, all the years
that I've been doing this kind of work,
Copy !req
706. I still don't know how
to make it sound inoffensive,
Copy !req
707. when one person kills another.
Copy !req
708. You say this man was
in the weapons business?
Copy !req
709. Not only that, sir.
Copy !req
710. He has deals sending arms
to Northern Ireland.
Copy !req
711. Guns bought right here
in this country, ma'am.
Copy !req
712. More blood and death.
Copy !req
713. So, while you folks are raising money
to help some of the victims over there,
Copy !req
714. it looks like there's other people
raising money for guns for the terrorists.
Copy !req
715. You mean here?
In southern California?
Copy !req
716. That's what the boys in the FBI think.
Copy !req
717. I thought maybe you folks might have
heard about this gun-running business.
Copy !req
718. About the kind of element who could
have been dealing with Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
719. It's just a long shot, ma'am.
But we have to check it all out.
Copy !req
720. The murderer just might have been
one of those Irish gun-runners.
Copy !req
721. They've killed so many,
I suppose one more or less...
Copy !req
722. wouldn't make that much
difference to them.
Copy !req
723. George, you could have a look around.
Copy !req
724. That's all I ask, ma'am.
Copy !req
725. We'll see what we can find out for you,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
726. You can count on us, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
727. Mrs. O'Connell isn't one to betray her
responsibilities. Are you, Kate?
Copy !req
728. Will you show the lieutenant out, Joe?
Copy !req
729. I can find my own way.
Thanks again, ma'am.
Copy !req
730. Mr. O'Connell. Mr. Devlin.
We'll stay in touch.
Copy !req
731. We'll all stay in touch.
Copy !req
732. It seems you've struck
up a fine friendship, Joe.
Copy !req
733. Oh, by the way, sir.
I've come up with another one.
Copy !req
734. Another what?
Copy !req
735. "L-A-P 2-1-3."
An address, sir.
Copy !req
736. What do you think
of 213 Los Angeles Place.
Copy !req
737. Well done, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
738. I got somebody
checking it out right now.
Copy !req
739. A fine friend, indeed.
Copy !req
740. Ourselves Alone.
Copy !req
741. Mr. Brandon.
Copy !req
742. I can get my hands on some M16's.
Copy !req
743. I prefer a smaller weapon.
Copy !req
744. I'm just telling you what I've got.
Copy !req
745. Fifty M16's. Maybe 60.
Copy !req
746. Not enough.
Copy !req
747. Like I said, I'm telling you
what I've got.
Copy !req
748. Thank you for telling me
what you've got.
Copy !req
749. Go to hell, Mr. Devlin.
Copy !req
750. In actual fact, I'm looking for
a mutual friend.
Copy !req
751. A gentlemen by the name of Proctor.
Copy !req
752. What's going down?
Copy !req
753. The world, in terminal descent.
Copy !req
754. We were in touch a year or two back,
Mr. Proctor and myself.
Copy !req
755. I thought we might
renew our acquaintance.
Copy !req
756. You mean guns?
Copy !req
757. Yes, possibly.
Copy !req
758. No more of that for Proctor.
No guns.
Copy !req
759. You see, we're into coke,
poppy and hash.
Copy !req
760. You know, happy stuff.
Copy !req
761. A moral decision, I assume.
Copy !req
762. Thank you for your time.
Copy !req
763. Not a chance, not in this world.
Copy !req
764. What I sell goes out under license.
Strictly legal.
Copy !req
765. I'm offering a considerable amount, man.
Copy !req
766. Surely that'll cover
any legal technicalities.
Copy !req
767. You got the wrong guy. Sorry.
Copy !req
768. Well, just don't stand in my
doorway, Mr. Devlin. Come on in.
Copy !req
769. These Coast Guard people are impossible.
They keep on changing their lights around.
Copy !req
770. Well, now, I trust everything
is going well.
Copy !req
771. I need help, Captain.
Copy !req
772. So do I, Mr. Devlin.
Copy !req
773. The merchandise has been held up.
I need more time.
Copy !req
774. Perhaps you could delay your departure.
Copy !req
775. I'm sorry to hear about your merchandise.
Copy !req
776. For two or three days.
Copy !req
777. Not even for two or three hours,
Mr. Devlin. I have a schedule to keep.
Copy !req
778. Well, perhaps you could contrive to...
Copy !req
779. How do you like that, sir?
We've both come up with the same thing.
Copy !req
780. LAP-213.
Copy !req
781. Pier 213, Los Angeles Harbor.
Copy !req
782. Well done, Lieutenant. And I thought
I was going to surprise you.
Copy !req
783. Well, I gotta be honest with you, sir.
Mrs. Columbo. It was her idea.
Copy !req
784. I mean, the way that woman
reads the newspapers,
Copy !req
785. she reads the obituaries,
she reads the personal notices.
Copy !req
786. And she reads the shipping news.
Copy !req
787. She showed it me right in the paper.
This here freighter at Pier 213.
Copy !req
788. Oh, she's a beauty, she is.
Copy !req
789. How did you come up with it, sir?
Copy !req
790. Well, the truth is,
I had a bit of help myself.
Copy !req
791. You see, George O'Connell's firm
built several of these docks.
Copy !req
792. And it was his suggestion that
LAP-213 might refer to this very pier.
Copy !req
793. Isn't that terrific, sir.
Copy !req
794. Up there on the ship, was that
the captain you were talking to?
Copy !req
795. Yes. I was investigating.
Copy !req
796. Then, you know, sir, that the ship
is going to England. Southampton.
Copy !req
797. No, I haven't quite got that far.
Copy !req
798. Well, wait till you hear this, sir.
Copy !req
799. Sergeant Burke made a couple
of telephone calls...
Copy !req
800. and it turns out that Southampton...
Copy !req
801. is the main transshipment
port for all goods going to Belfast.
Copy !req
802. Belfast?
Copy !req
803. The guns.
Copy !req
804. Well, if we're right about
Mr. Pauley and the guns,
Copy !req
805. I guess it won't do no harm
to take some precautions, will it, sir?
Copy !req
806. What did you have in mind,
Lieutenant?
Copy !req
807. We'll bring in the FBI boys,
Customs, Coast Guard.
Copy !req
808. I'm going to have
this ship searched.
Copy !req
809. We'll check out everything
that comes aboard.
Copy !req
810. We'll check out every...
Copy !req
811. Will you look at that?
Copy !req
812. How do you like that?
Copy !req
813. That's practically
a brand new recap.
Copy !req
814. Criminal workmanship.
Can I give you a hand with the spare?
Copy !req
815. Well, the spare, sir,
that's back in my garage.
Copy !req
816. Very sensible.
Copy !req
817. If you get a flat at home,
the spare's out and ready.
Copy !req
818. Well, I'll have to press on,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
819. I have an appointment hawking my book
on one of those talk radio programs.
Copy !req
820. Oh, that's all right, sir.
I'll just call the auto club.
Copy !req
821. Good luck on your radio show.
Copy !req
822. Good luck on your tire.
Copy !req
823. Oh, Mr. Devlin.
Just one more thing, sir.
Copy !req
824. Yes, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
825. I hate to bother you.
Copy !req
826. Could I borrow a dime?
Copy !req
827. - A dime?
- A dime, sir.
Copy !req
828. A dime, sir.
Copy !req
829. I'm looking at a glass of good Irish ale...
Copy !req
830. clasped firmly in the hand
that wrote "Up from Ignorance".
Copy !req
831. Hi, Joe.
Copy !req
832. For those of you who want to call
Talk Radio, the number is 555-1776.
Copy !req
833. I'm Carole Hemingway.
My guest, Joe Devlin.
Copy !req
834. Poet, entertainer,
autobiographer, raconteur.
Copy !req
835. And infamous jailbird.
Copy !req
836. Joe, you were only 14.
Copy !req
837. Fresh as a daisy.
So was the dynamite.
Copy !req
838. - What were you going to blow up?
- England.
Copy !req
839. Modest aim. All of it, why?
Copy !req
840. Because it was there.
And I was Irish.
Copy !req
841. You're still Irish, Joe.
Copy !req
842. Ah,
Copy !req
843. but of a different hue, Carole.
Copy !req
844. - Non - violent?
- Violently.
Copy !req
845. A famous Irish philosopher named
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel...
Copy !req
846. once wrote that the essence of tragedy
isn't the conflict of right and wrong,
Copy !req
847. it's the conflict of right and right.
Copy !req
848. Can we get some music on?
Copy !req
849. Just bear with me, sir.
Copy !req
850. And for every death,
there's always a death to be avenged.
Copy !req
851. Vengeance, sweet vengeance,
Carole.
Copy !req
852. Ah, but what's the answer?
When will it stop?
Copy !req
853. Maybe at the great catch-up,
Copy !req
854. as another member of my tribe
once wrote, and wrote these words, too.
Copy !req
855. "Justice for the many,
justice for the free.
Copy !req
856. Let each man be paid in full,
that's just enough for me."
Copy !req
857. With that, Joe,
let's take some more calls.
Copy !req
858. The number is 555-1776.
Copy !req
859. I'm Carole Hemingway.
My guest, Joe Devlin.
Copy !req
860. - Hello, you're on the air.
- Hello.
Copy !req
861. My name is Marion.
Copy !req
862. Would you mind, sir. Could we
pull into that gasoline station?
Copy !req
863. Can't you wait
another five minutes?
Copy !req
864. I've been writing poetry ever since
I was a little girl.
Copy !req
865. You have my sympathies.
Copy !req
866. One's first poem is usually
a shriek of pure anguish.
Copy !req
867. I was always a very happy little girl,
Copy !req
868. what I wanted to know, was
if you could give me some advice...
Copy !req
869. on how to get my poems published.
Copy !req
870. Ah, that does
pose a problem, doesn't it?
Copy !req
871. I made my first acquaintance
with a publisher by striking him...
Copy !req
872. firmly on the nose during
an extemporaneous brawl in a bar.
Copy !req
873. Do you visit many bars, Marion?
Copy !req
874. We're putting you through
right away, hold on, please.
Copy !req
875. Right. Thank you very much.
Copy !req
876. I'm Carole Hemingway,
my guest, Joe Devlin.
Copy !req
877. Hello, you're on the air. Hi.
Copy !req
878. Hello? Hello.
Copy !req
879. May I speak to Joe Devlin?
Copy !req
880. Hello?
Copy !req
881. That sounds like
a very familiar voice.
Copy !req
882. Yes, sir. It's me again, sir.
Copy !req
883. Ah, we have a friend on the line,
Carole. Lieutenant Columbo.
Copy !req
884. Right. I was listening
to the program, sir,
Copy !req
885. and I was wondering, it's just
a trivial question, sir,
Copy !req
886. but it suddenly hit me.
Copy !req
887. I was wondering about that little
poem about justice for the many.
Copy !req
888. Was that written
by the same guy that wrote about...
Copy !req
889. angel's wings and
the unstained pastures of peace?
Copy !req
890. No, indeed, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
891. I discovered that bit of doggerel
on the subject of justice...
Copy !req
892. scratched on the wall
of a prison cell.
Copy !req
893. For all I know,
it may still be there.
Copy !req
894. Although I haven't checked lately.
Copy !req
895. I thought, sir, that the writer
might've been you.
Copy !req
896. I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
897. The author of that scrap
of folk wisdom appended his name.
Copy !req
898. Michael Dolan.
Copy !req
899. Later hanged.
Copy !req
900. In any case, Mr. Dolan's passion
for justice...
Copy !req
901. became my inspiration to escape.
Copy !req
902. And to this day, I revere his memory as
an original, if untutored philosopher...
Copy !req
903. on the roots of freedom for all men.
Copy !req
904. If we are all paid in full,
Copy !req
905. we can't go far wrong.
Copy !req
906. Right, Michael Dolan, right.
Copy !req
907. Well, I won't be taking up
any more of your time, sir.
Copy !req
908. Nice talking to you, again.
Copy !req
909. Brother Devlin.
Copy !req
910. Remember me?
Chuck Jensen, Jensen RV sale.
Copy !req
911. Of course, Mr. Jensen.
Copy !req
912. There I was, rolling along
the freeway when all of a sudden,
Copy !req
913. you come on the radio,
loud and clear, and I says to myself,
Copy !req
914. "That's got to be the Joe Devlin
that came to see me.
Copy !req
915. I mean, it's got to be
the real Joe Devlin, no doubt about it.
Copy !req
916. Only this time,
I'll go to see him."
Copy !req
917. Very enterprising of you,
Mr. Jensen. But I don't think...
Copy !req
918. Brother Devlin. Don't say no
before you hear my offer.
Copy !req
919. I've got a sweetheart of a deal.
Copy !req
920. Make your eyes pop.
One look will make you a believer.
Copy !req
921. Just like I made a believer
out of Brother Pauley.
Copy !req
922. Indeed.
Copy !req
923. Now, why don't you just
sit right down here, brother Devlin,
Copy !req
924. and make yourself comfortable.
Copy !req
925. It's kind of nice, ain't it?
Copy !req
926. And I can put you in
one of these little beauties for, uh,
Copy !req
927. about $150,000.
Copy !req
928. You mentioned Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
929. I've got your merchandise,
brother.
Copy !req
930. I was going to deliver to Pauley,
but wouldn't you know,
Copy !req
931. he turned up dead.
Copy !req
932. Yes. Unfortunate.
Copy !req
933. And I'm holding the goods,
the deal all made,
Copy !req
934. my middleman out of business
and no cash to feed the bulldog.
Copy !req
935. So the guns are all yours,
brother Devlin.
Copy !req
936. Same price, same terms,
cash on the barrelhead.
Copy !req
937. Yes, well. Let us say,
for the sake of argument,
Copy !req
938. the cash can be made available.
Copy !req
939. Where's the merchandise?
Copy !req
940. You're sitting on it.
Copy !req
941. And...
Copy !req
942. And...
Copy !req
943. And...
Copy !req
944. It's gonna be a pleasure to do
business with you, brother Devlin.
Copy !req
945. Here, Michael.
Copy !req
946. - I just come from the docks.
- Have you now?
Copy !req
947. The ship's thick with uniforms.
Customs, Coast Guard.
Copy !req
948. Ever on the alert.
Copy !req
949. - Even the FBI by the look of them.
- Always a comfort.
Copy !req
950. They're taking the bleeding ship apart.
You'll never get the guns aboard.
Copy !req
951. That's where you're wrong, Kerry.
Copy !req
952. That's where they're all wrong.
Copy !req
953. For all their hunting and seeking,
she'll sail with the guns, count on it.
Copy !req
954. And one day, you'll tell your sainted
mother how Devlin did the trick.
Copy !req
955. It's him.
Copy !req
956. Run along, now.
Copy !req
957. It's a pity about Mr. Pauley.
Copy !req
958. It's a pity about us all, Kerry.
Copy !req
959. And he's not the first
innocent victim of war, is he?
Copy !req
960. Hello, Lieutenant.
Come along and have a game of darts.
Copy !req
961. If you don't mind, sir,
I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Copy !req
962. Was that Mr. Malone
you was just talking to?
Copy !req
963. Yes, young Kerry brings word
from my booking agent.
Copy !req
964. The show is about to return to the road.
With myself alone, center stage,
Copy !req
965. bringing truth and
beauty to the multitudes...
Copy !req
966. of the wealth of the Incas
to your humble servant. Have a drink.
Copy !req
967. Joan, two ales, celebration size.
Copy !req
968. Well, to tell you the truth, sir, it's
sort of a celebration for me, too.
Copy !req
969. So tonight, the treat's on me.
Copy !req
970. You just tell me when this runs out.
Copy !req
971. What's your occasion, Lieutenant?
Copy !req
972. The case, sir. Mr. Pauley's murder,
I think I'm getting close.
Copy !req
973. Then we'll drink
to your good fortune.
Copy !req
974. Here's to friendship, ripe and long.
Here's to voices raised in song.
Copy !req
975. Here's to a long and thirsty night.
Copy !req
976. Here's to the stuff
that makes it right.
Copy !req
977. I got one for you, sir.
Well, this is not exactly a toast.
Copy !req
978. We'll waive the formalities, Lieutenant.
Out with it.
Copy !req
979. "There once was an old man from Lyme,
who married three wives at a time.
Copy !req
980. When asked why a third,
Copy !req
981. he replied, 'One's absurd,
and two of them, sir, is a crime. '"
Copy !req
982. It's a good one.
Copy !req
983. I accept that as a challenge,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
984. Limericks at 20 paces.
Ready, aim, fire.
Copy !req
985. "The limerick is furtive and mean.
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Copy !req
986. or she sneaks to the slum...
Copy !req
987. and promptly becomes disorderly,
drunk and obscene."
Copy !req
988. That's a terrific limerick.
Try this one, sir.
Copy !req
989. "A real old bird is the Pelican.
Copy !req
990. His bill holds more
than this belly can.
Copy !req
991. He can take in his beak
enough food for a week.
Copy !req
992. I'm damned if I know
how the hell he can."
Copy !req
993. "As I was drinking gin and water..."
Copy !req
994. "And me being Corporal Riley..."
Copy !req
995. "Who should come in
but the landlord's daughter."
Copy !req
996. "And she took my heart entirely."
Copy !req
997. "Said Aristotle unto Plato,
'Have another sweet potato. '
Copy !req
998. Said Plato unto Aristotle,
'Thank you, I prefer the bottle. '"
Copy !req
999. I don't know how you do it, sir.
You never seem to run out.
Copy !req
1000. What that was, Lieutenant,
that was a statement of preference.
Copy !req
1001. Liam, me lad, this stuff's turned
to water. Bring us a proper drink.
Copy !req
1002. You know what I was thinking
about tonight, sir,
Copy !req
1003. driving out here to the harbor?
I was...
Copy !req
1004. thinking about that fella,
Michael Dolan, and that verse about...
Copy !req
1005. "Justice for the free.
Copy !req
1006. Let each man be paid in full.
Copy !req
1007. That's just enough for me."
Copy !req
1008. A chance remembrance, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1009. There you were in that prison cell...
Copy !req
1010. admiring the man who
wrote that on the wall.
Copy !req
1011. Did you ever get to meet him?
Copy !req
1012. No. I was told he was executed.
Copy !req
1013. For what crime, sir?
Copy !req
1014. This was a long time ago,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1015. Well, that chance remembrance of yours,
Copy !req
1016. about each man being paid in full.
Copy !req
1017. To tell you the truth, you made me
curious about Michael Dolan.
Copy !req
1018. So I checked him out with Scotland Yard,
Copy !req
1019. and it turns out that Michael Dolan...
Copy !req
1020. They certainly know you
around this town, sir.
Copy !req
1021. No matter where we go,
out comes your very own whiskey bottle.
Copy !req
1022. Easy beginnings. Prudent endings.
The trick is to know when to stop.
Copy !req
1023. This far and no farther.
Copy !req
1024. Well, it's my stopping time,
sir, I think I've had enough.
Copy !req
1025. Is it your intention
to insult the House of Devlin?
Copy !req
1026. Sure and the only proper thing is
to end the evening on a nectarous note.
Copy !req
1027. I'll make you a deal.
Copy !req
1028. Like you say,
Copy !req
1029. this far and no farther.
Copy !req
1030. To the drop.
Copy !req
1031. You were speaking
of Michael Dolan, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1032. It turns out he was one of those
Irish terrorists.
Copy !req
1033. According to Scotland Yard, he was
responsible for the murder of five people.
Copy !req
1034. One of them, a woman.
And there was a child, sir.
Copy !req
1035. I had no idea.
Copy !req
1036. You were a terrorist yourself,
in those days,
Copy !req
1037. I know you were very young.
Copy !req
1038. But there was that business
with the dynamite.
Copy !req
1039. I'm surprised you didn't know
about Mr. Dolan.
Copy !req
1040. Insidious old age, Lieutenant,
Copy !req
1041. comes sweeping in
like winter before its time.
Copy !req
1042. It could be I heard and forgot.
Copy !req
1043. You didn't forget his name.
You remembered it along with his poem.
Copy !req
1044. Well, there's the trick of memory.
Copy !req
1045. You retain a man's name
and a bit of verse and forget the rest.
Copy !req
1046. But that bit of verse,
Copy !req
1047. when you realized that was
written by a fanatic murderer,
Copy !req
1048. it's hard to see how you could
call Mr. Dolan a philosopher.
Copy !req
1049. Someone to be respected.
Like you said on the radio.
Copy !req
1050. Well, if I said it, Lieutenant,
Copy !req
1051. it was without realizing
Mr. Dolan's true character.
Copy !req
1052. Not much of a man
to revere, was he?
Copy !req
1053. No, sir. No, he certainly...
Copy !req
1054. Hold it. Just a minute.
Copy !req
1055. Something wrong?
Copy !req
1056. That fella, Dolan,
Copy !req
1057. he reminded me of one
that I almost forgot.
Copy !req
1058. "There once was a fella
named Finnegan...
Copy !req
1059. Who escaped from a jail
so to sin again.
Copy !req
1060. He broke laws by the dozen,
Even stole from his cousin,
Copy !req
1061. So the jail he broke out of,
he's in again."
Copy !req
1062. Anything?
Copy !req
1063. Nothing, not even a slingshot.
Copy !req
1064. Would you mind checking again, sir?
Copy !req
1065. I'm glad you could make it, sir.
Copy !req
1066. I knew you'd be interested
to see how these boys work.
Copy !req
1067. Thanks for thinking of me,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1068. You can tell the O'Connells, sir.
Copy !req
1069. If somebody is trying to
run guns on this ship here,
Copy !req
1070. they're certainly
going to be disappointed.
Copy !req
1071. You sure he won't outwit us, Lieutenant?
There's still a few hours before she sails.
Copy !req
1072. He might be able to fool me, sir.
But he's not going to fool these Customs boys.
Copy !req
1073. But then, we don't know
for sure there are any guns, do we?
Copy !req
1074. No. No, it's all conjecture.
Copy !req
1075. Still, the Friends for Northern Ireland
do appreciate what you've done for us.
Copy !req
1076. You've done a job and a half.
Copy !req
1077. It's more like a half a job, sir.
Copy !req
1078. I still got Mr. Pauley's
murder to think about.
Copy !req
1079. I thought you had that case
well in hand.
Copy !req
1080. I thought so too, sir, but it slipped
right through my fingers.
Copy !req
1081. I suppose I ought to get back to it.
Copy !req
1082. Will you forgive me for bringing you
down here, sir, and then running off?
Copy !req
1083. Oh, I understand, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1084. Fencing the hen house is one thing.
Catching the fox is another.
Copy !req
1085. You do understand, sir.
Copy !req
1086. Oh, one more thing, sir.
Copy !req
1087. The next time you see Mrs. O'Connell,
will you tell her something for me?
Copy !req
1088. My nephew won two prizes the other day.
Copy !req
1089. Second prize for a needlepoint contest.
Copy !req
1090. First prize for weightlifting.
Copy !req
1091. Lieutenant Columbo.
Copy !req
1092. Yes, Sergeant.
No, I want your help.
Copy !req
1093. Call the Chief Customs Officer
at the Los Angeles Harbor.
Copy !req
1094. Tell him to hold the ship
in Pier 213.
Copy !req
1095. I don't want that ship to sail.
Copy !req
1096. We had to let her go. She's clean.
Nothing else we could do.
Copy !req
1097. Right, I understand.
Copy !req
1098. Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1099. Please see Mrs. O'Connell if you don't
mind. She'd like a word with you.
Copy !req
1100. Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1101. Yes, ma'am.
Copy !req
1102. Would you like to sail away on her?
Run away to sea. I think I would.
Copy !req
1103. Well, I wouldn't want
to give up my work, ma'am.
Copy !req
1104. And I want to thank you
for all your efforts.
Copy !req
1105. There'll be no guns
aboard the ship, will there?
Copy !req
1106. I don't really know that
for a fact, ma'am.
Copy !req
1107. No, not for a fact.
Copy !req
1108. Thank you, Lieutenant. Good day.
Copy !req
1109. Good day, ma'am.
Copy !req
1110. Here you go, Mr. Devlin.
Copy !req
1111. Ah, well done, Kathy, thank you.
Copy !req
1112. I thought I might find you here, sir.
Back at the scene of the crime.
Copy !req
1113. Sit down, Lieutenant.
Care for a drink?
Copy !req
1114. I wish I could, sir.
But not this time.
Copy !req
1115. Ah. Bound on official business.
Copy !req
1116. How goes the trail?
Copy !req
1117. Very warm, sir.
You might even say hot.
Copy !req
1118. Then you found your murderer.
Copy !req
1119. In a manner of speaking,
yes, sir, I have.
Copy !req
1120. And I certainly have you to thank.
Copy !req
1121. Whatever for?
Copy !req
1122. That line in Mr. Dolan's verse.
Copy !req
1123. "Let each man be paid in full."
Copy !req
1124. Full's Irish Dew.
Copy !req
1125. And take a look at what it says
on that label there, sir.
Copy !req
1126. "Let each man be paid in full."
Take a look at that.
Copy !req
1127. Do you see what I mean, sir?
Both lines are identical.
Copy !req
1128. "Let each man be paid in full."
Copy !req
1129. That's an interesting
observation, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1130. Here's what I think happened.
I'll bet my life on it.
Copy !req
1131. Mr. Pauley and the killer,
they were negotiating a deal.
Copy !req
1132. Arms for Northern Ireland.
Copy !req
1133. Yes, yes, we discussed that possibility.
Copy !req
1134. But I don't understand
the connection...
Copy !req
1135. between a line of poetry,
a whiskey slogan, and a murder.
Copy !req
1136. Right, I'm getting to that, sir.
Copy !req
1137. Remember the whiskey bottle
in Mr. Pauley's hotel room?
Copy !req
1138. This is it.
Copy !req
1139. Remember how we couldn't figure out
how a bottle could fall in one place,
Copy !req
1140. and end up in another place
right next to Mr. Pauley's body?
Copy !req
1141. Yes, I recall that very well,
Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1142. Well, try this one, sir.
Copy !req
1143. Mr. Pauley and the killer,
Copy !req
1144. they are having
an argument about the guns.
Copy !req
1145. Now, it's my personal theory...
Copy !req
1146. that the killer thinks
he was double-crossed.
Copy !req
1147. So when he shoots Mr. Pauley,
Copy !req
1148. he thinks of it as being
more like an execution.
Copy !req
1149. Like he's handing out justice.
Copy !req
1150. "Let each man be paid in full."
Copy !req
1151. Now there's a whisky bottle
laying on the rug.
Copy !req
1152. Another kind of
"Let each man be paid in full."
Copy !req
1153. Well, the killer, he's got a pretty good
sense of humor, sir.
Copy !req
1154. So he makes his own
private pun about it.
Copy !req
1155. And he moves the whiskey bottle
next to Mr. Pauley's body.
Copy !req
1156. Like the label on the whiskey bottle...
Copy !req
1157. will label the murder
for what it is. An execution.
Copy !req
1158. "Let each man be paid in full."
Copy !req
1159. Give him what he deserves.
Pay him off.
Copy !req
1160. Very ingenious, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
1161. But I say, a bit skimpy
in a court of law.
Copy !req
1162. Yes, sir,
but I think I handled that.
Copy !req
1163. It's these other bottles.
Copy !req
1164. Your personal bottles.
Copy !req
1165. This one is from the Irish pub.
Copy !req
1166. This one is from the place we went
to last night, before we came here.
Copy !req
1167. And like I said,
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1168. this one is from
Mr. Pauley's hotel room.
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1169. Now, do you notice anything special
about these three bottles?
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1170. They are, alas, empty.
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1171. There's something else, Mr. Devlin.
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1172. Your bottle from the pub.
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1173. Take a good look at it under the light.
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1174. You have me in a state
of wild suspense, Lieutenant.
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1175. Please, go on.
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1176. It's these scratches, sir.
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1177. You see these tiny scratches?
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1178. They're on all the bottles.
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1179. You see, the killer, he had that habit.
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1180. He would make a mark on the bottle,
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1181. and that would set how much
he was gonna drink in any one sitting.
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1182. Like on this bottle, sir.
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1183. This is a full bottle like the one that
was in Mr. Pauley's hotel room...
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1184. before it got knocked off the desk.
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1185. And there's the scratch, sir.
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1186. And there's the scratch
on Mr. Pauley's bottle.
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1187. All the same scratches.
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1188. But hardly identical, Lieutenant.
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1189. Oh, yes, sir. Absolutely identical.
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1190. I had the boys down at the lab
make a microphotograph...
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1191. of all these scratches.
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1192. There you are, sir.
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1193. The scratch on your bottle
from the pub.
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1194. The bottle from the other bar.
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1195. And the same scratch
on Mr. Pauley's bottle.
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1196. You see that, sir?
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1197. Right there in the photographs.
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1198. They're the very same scratches.
Identical, sir, like fingerprints.
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1199. And why are they identical?
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1200. Boys at the lab say the scratches
were made by a diamond.
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1201. I'd say a ring, sir.
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1202. And every diamond in the world
has its own special pattern.
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1203. Every diamond leaves
its own special signature.
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1204. Find the diamond,
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1205. and I've found my murderer,
sir. What do you say to that?
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1206. Do you know these lines, Lieutenant?
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1207. They're by Lewis Carroll.
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1208. "You can charge me with murder,
or want of sense,
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1209. we are all of us weak at times.
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1210. But the slightest approach
to a false pretense...
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1211. was never among my crimes!"
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1212. Well, sir, you pretended to
raise money to help the Irish victims...
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1213. and all the while you were planning
to make more victims.
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1214. Wasn't that a pretense, sir?
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1215. Politics makes liars
of us all, Lieutenant.
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1216. I bargained for the guns.
I'll stand by my bargain.
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1217. No regrets.
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1218. That'd be the Coast Guard, sir.
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1219. To stop the ship.
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1220. You knew.
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1221. That was a very clever plan,
Mr. Devlin,
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1222. the way you handled the guns.
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1223. Very clever.
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1224. I never would've figured it out,
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1225. if it wasn't for
Mrs. O'Connell's needlepoint.
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1226. Kate's needlepoint?
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1227. The guns, they aren't
aboard the ship at all.
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1228. Not yet, sir.
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1229. The guns aren't aboard the ship yet.
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1230. They're still on the tug.
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1231. They would've been loaded aboard the ship
just before the ship put out to sea.
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1232. But the house flag on the tug, sir,
the company emblem,
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1233. that's the O'Connell company emblem.
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1234. Just like Mrs. O'Connell's needlepoint.
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1235. She does terrific work, sir.
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1236. I guess it was just dumb luck.
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1237. My noticing that your friends
owned the tugboat.
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1238. So that's where the guns would be.
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1239. No, it's never just luck, Lieutenant.
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1240. Didn't your Sergeant Gilhooley
teach you that?
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1241. Well, now that you mention it, sir,
he did tell me to keep my eyes open.
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1242. Are you sure you won't
join me, Lieutenant?
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1243. Well, maybe I will after all, sir.
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1244. Now that we've come this far.
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1245. This far...
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1246. and no farther.
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