1. I think that I had better
try and help you.Copy !req
2. Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor.Copy !req
3. Detective Lucerne
helping me.Copy !req
4. Wait till I tell my wife.Copy !req
5. You. Hands up.
No noise.Copy !req
6. We still think
it was premeditated,
don't we?Copy !req
7. Oh, I don't know, sir.
What do you suppose?Copy !req
8. And here I thought
you were in shock.Copy !req
9. You thought
I was confused.Copy !req
10. You're right.Copy !req
11. Perhaps scared.Copy !req
12. You're amazing.Copy !req
13. If you tell me that
one more time,
I'm gonna kill myself.Copy !req
14. That's ridiculous. Is it?Copy !req
15. Half-a-dozen people
have already attested
to the factCopy !req
16. that I was nowhere
near the Baker home
on the night she was killed.Copy !req
17. Not one of those
six people realizedCopy !req
18. he was listening
to a recording.Copy !req
19. Not one of those
six people realizedCopy !req
20. that vague illusion
moving behind the screenCopy !req
21. was not you at all,Copy !req
22. but someone else.Copy !req
23. A fascinating theory.Copy !req
24. You know, some people think
you're the most brilliant
detective of our times.Copy !req
25. I tend to agree
because, as it happens,Copy !req
26. you're absolutely right.Copy !req
27. Yes, I did kill
Mrs. Baker.Copy !req
28. But for all your
vaunted brilliance, Lucerne,Copy !req
29. there's no way in the world
that you can prove
what I've just said.Copy !req
30. Ah, the other half
of the team.Copy !req
31. The gentleman
whose silhouette
impersonated you so wellCopy !req
32. behind the screen.
It's Joseph, isn't it?Copy !req
33. It'll be a treasure
to pill you, Mr. Lucerne...Copy !req
34. I'm sorry!Copy !req
35. "Treasure to pill you?"Copy !req
36. He was all right
up to there.Copy !req
37. Replace him.Copy !req
38. Claire,
don't you understand?Copy !req
39. The studio doesn't
pick up one centCopy !req
40. of this extra tab
on Ward, we do.Copy !req
41. You and I,
we produce the show.
We own it.Copy !req
42. This extra money for Ward
is coming out of our pockets.Copy !req
43. Why don't you just
let me handle that?Copy !req
44. Now, gentlemen,Copy !req
45. may we continue?Copy !req
46. Who does Ward Fowler
think he is?Copy !req
47. Now, look, Claire.Copy !req
48. As representative
of this studioCopy !req
49. I will not stand
for this precedent.Copy !req
50. There is no actor
in the business
who is irreplaceable.Copy !req
51. Claire, Ward Fowler
is not the first actor
on this networkCopy !req
52. to win an Emmy,Copy !req
53. and he's already one
of the highest paid performers
in television.Copy !req
54. If we give in to him now...Copy !req
55. Now, say you
don't give in to him.Copy !req
56. He walks.Copy !req
57. Then what are you
going to do?Copy !req
58. Without Ward Fowler,
there isn't going to be
any next year for this show.Copy !req
59. And because of Ward Fowler,Copy !req
60. Detective Lucerne
has the highest rating
in television.Copy !req
61. Sid and I have given you
a show that has been a winner
year in and year out.Copy !req
62. ButCopy !req
63. Ward Fowler is the show.Copy !req
64. As the other half
and rather silent partner
of this team,Copy !req
65. I'm afraid I have to go along
with my wife.Copy !req
66. Try to look
pleasant, Ward.Copy !req
67. You're supposed
to be pleased
when you get a raise.Copy !req
68. How many times
must I tell you that?Copy !req
69. Do you enjoy
insulting me, Claire,Copy !req
70. as much as you enjoyed
making love to me?Copy !req
71. Or more?
You didn't use to think
I was so bad.Copy !req
72. Well, I, didn't
used to think.Copy !req
73. Neither did I,
if I remember.Copy !req
74. You do remember?Copy !req
75. What a tribute.Copy !req
76. You know, I don't buy
this hell-hath-no-fury act
of yours.Copy !req
77. I just think it's your way
of blackmailing meCopy !req
78. and feeling wronged
all at the same time.Copy !req
79. And, you know,
it's so wasteful.Copy !req
80. 'Cause I'd give you
anything you asked for.Copy !req
81. Just 'cause you asked for it.
You know that, don't you?Copy !req
82. I know you invented me
and I'm still grateful.Copy !req
83. I get a little bored
with this kind of talk.Copy !req
84. You give me what I want
because there's nothing
you can do about it,Copy !req
85. and that's
the only reason.Copy !req
86. Otherwise, darling,Copy !req
87. grateful or not,
you wouldn't give me
the sweat off yourCopy !req
88. personality.Copy !req
89. Joe! Joe, those were
marvelous night scenes.Copy !req
90. Wonderful!Copy !req
91. Thanks, Mrs. Daley.Copy !req
92. Now, Ward, you just
keep remembering
that I invented you,Copy !req
93. all of you,Copy !req
94. and I only take half
for my trouble.Copy !req
95. Just half.
Off the top.Copy !req
96. Buy the silver, the usual way.Copy !req
97. You're quite
the little dictator.Copy !req
98. You know, you sound
like that show
we did last August.Copy !req
99. The one where we tried
to make the murderer
sympathetic.Copy !req
100. Oh, yes. That was because
the blackmailerCopy !req
101. was so dictatorial
and vicious.Copy !req
102. Well, I wouldn't
dwell on it if I were you.Copy !req
103. You wouldn't make a murderer,
not even a sympathetic one.Copy !req
104. That much personality
you don't have.Copy !req
105. Excuse me.
There's a call for you,
Mrs. Daley.Copy !req
106. Where would you
like to take it?Copy !req
107. Mrs. Daley's gonna
take the telephone call
in my dressing room.Copy !req
108. Thank you.Copy !req
109. Where else would Mrs. Daley
take her telephone calls?Copy !req
110. No, that's all right,
Cathy.Copy !req
111. Yes, I can make
the 9:20 preview.Copy !req
112. But I...
No. I'll have to leave
from the office.Copy !req
113. I have tons of work to do.Copy !req
114. No. You thank Mark for me,
but he is Ward's gofer,
not mine.Copy !req
115. And, besides,
I don't like cheeseburgers.Copy !req
116. All right, sweetie,
I'll stop at Tony's
on the way to the previewCopy !req
117. and get a sandwich.
Yes, I will.Copy !req
118. See, tell Sid that he's sweet,
but he should leave.
I'd rather go alone.Copy !req
119. Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.Copy !req
120. Sid is having an affair
with his secretary.Copy !req
121. It makes him
so considerate.Copy !req
122. It's boring to have
so much attention.Copy !req
123. Is there anything
that doesn't bore you, Claire?Copy !req
124. Mmm-hmm.
Silver certificates.Copy !req
125. I would paper my bedroom
with them if I could.Copy !req
126. I wouldn't
put it past you.Copy !req
127. Where would you
put it?Copy !req
128. trail in the top half
of the inning...Copy !req
129. The third inning already.Copy !req
130. Yeah, I was held up
in traffic, Ward.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
131. Look, if you have
something else to do,
just let me know.Copy !req
132. Oh, but I don't, honest.Copy !req
133. I've been looking forward
to this game like crazy.Copy !req
134. Good. You know how I hate
watching these things alone.Copy !req
135. Here,
I'll get you a drink.Copy !req
136. Hey, I've been on the wagon
for eight months, Ward.Copy !req
137. That's a world's record
for me.Copy !req
138. Huh, Ward?Copy !req
139. back in
Kansas City, you'll recall,
earlier this week and...Copy !req
140. One drink isn't gonna turn you
into a pumpkin, you know.Copy !req
141. out there.
Here's the wind, the pitch
and the swingCopy !req
142. and a high, pop fly
on the infield.Copy !req
143. Settling under it,
the shortstop, Jones,
who makes the catch.Copy !req
144. One away!Copy !req
145. Los Angeles with one out,
a tie game at threeCopy !req
146. and here comes first baseman,
Tony Eberly...Copy !req
147. Uh-oh.
We're in trouble.Copy !req
148. Eberly's up.
Automatic out.Copy !req
149. What're you talking about?
He's a good kid.Copy !req
150. Couple more years,
he'll be right there.Copy !req
151. No way.
He can't hit in a clinch.Copy !req
152. Are you kidding?Copy !req
153. Wanna put your money
where your mouth is?Copy !req
154. Yeah.Copy !req
155. Ten bucks says
he gets a hit.Copy !req
156. You're on. You got it.Copy !req
157. Swings into the wind-up
and here's the pitch.Copy !req
158. Fastball, high.
And taken by Eberly,
it's ball one.Copy !req
159. Ball one.
If he gets a walk, no bet.Copy !req
160. Eberly digs in.Copy !req
161. Waves that bat back and forth.Copy !req
162. Brenner leans in,
gets his sign from Kowalski.Copy !req
163. Here's the wind
and here comes the pitch.Copy !req
164. Swung on and a high
fly ball, foul and drifting
into the stands in leftfield.Copy !req
165. One ball,
one strike to Eberly.Copy !req
166. Here's the wind,
here comes the pitch.
Swung on and missed.Copy !req
167. Ooh, he had
his best rip at that one,Copy !req
168. but he swung through
a fastball,
knee-high on the inside.Copy !req
169. Brought it in under the fist,
did Whitey Brenner.Copy !req
170. And so the count goes
one and two on Eberly.Copy !req
171. One out,
no one aboard for Los Angeles.Copy !req
172. Brenner looks in,
gets his sign.Copy !req
173. The outfield deep around
toward leftfield.Copy !req
174. Here's the wind
and here comes the pitch...Copy !req
175. Wahlberg
sprinting around firstCopy !req
176. and he comes into second
with a stand-up double.Copy !req
177. So we swing into
the top of the fifth inning,
and we're all tied at...Copy !req
178. You gotta mix it up a little.
You gotta live, sweetie.Copy !req
179. Tony. Tony, for ten years
you have been trying
to corrupt me.Copy !req
180. What can I do?
I am a purist.Copy !req
181. So will you please
wrap up my sandwich
and on the doubleCopy !req
182. because I have to be
at a preview in ten minutes.Copy !req
183. Ah, it is a pity m'lady.Copy !req
184. Cast out these
beautiful morsels
from our life...Copy !req
185. Tony. Tony!Copy !req
186. You are auditioning
again for me, Tony!Copy !req
187. Please, I told you...Copy !req
188. Let's play it simple.
No noise.Copy !req
189. You. Hands up.Copy !req
190. Hey, is this a joke?Copy !req
191. Quiet, shut up!
What have you got?
Cash.Copy !req
192. Hey, she's a friend of mine. Shut up, I said!Copy !req
193. Open the cash register.Copy !req
194. I already made a deposit
this morning.Copy !req
195. That's all I got for you.
I swear to God, take it.Copy !req
196. The guy
across the street...Copy !req
197. Turn around.
Put your hands up.Copy !req
198. You, move ahead.
Move around.Copy !req
199. Hold it!Copy !req
200. Put your hands up.Copy !req
201. My hands... Up. Higher.Copy !req
202. Walk to the door.Copy !req
203. Please, don't.Copy !req
204. I said walk to the door.Copy !req
205. Ward?Copy !req
206. It is you, isn't it?Copy !req
207. Move to the door,
Claire.Copy !req
208. You're wrong.Copy !req
209. I know you.Copy !req
210. You're not the type.Copy !req
211. Keep your hands up.
Higher!Copy !req
212. Why should I do
what you tell me to doCopy !req
213. if you're going
to kill me anyway?Copy !req
214. Because if you do as I say,
maybe I won't.Copy !req
215. Well, this is one mess
you're going to have to
clean up for yourself.Copy !req
216. I am going to lower
my hands now and leave.Copy !req
217. Good night, Ward.Copy !req
218. A double
in the bottom
of the sixth inning by...Copy !req
219. has given Los Angeles
a 7-5 leadCopy !req
220. and we're ready to go
in the seventh inning.Copy !req
221. Leading it off will be
Vince Carr.Copy !req
222. Whitey Brenner was relieved
by Kowalski
back in the fourth inningCopy !req
223. He's into the wind-up
and here comes the pitch.Copy !req
224. Carr swings and misses.
It's 0 and 1.
A good fastball.Copy !req
225. Carr hitting.231
on the season.Copy !req
226. Seventh inning
here in Los Angeles.Copy !req
227. A beautiful night and
the score is 7-5, L.A.Copy !req
228. The wind and the pitch
and a high fly ball to left...Copy !req
229. And here comes
Scooter D'Agosta
in from the bullpen.Copy !req
230. It's a critical spot, now.
Bases loaded.Copy !req
231. We got two outs
in the ninth inning.Copy !req
232. And the game is 7-6.Copy !req
233. D'Agosta has won four
and lost three on this season,Copy !req
234. has eight saves.Copy !req
235. He's a...Copy !req
236. from Brenner
and the count now is full,Copy !req
237. three balls, two strikes
on Tony Eberly.Copy !req
238. We're tied at three
in the bottom
of the third inning...Copy !req
239. Mark! Wake up!
You're missin' the game!Copy !req
240. Hey! How can you
fall asleep?Copy !req
241. Eberly's got the count
to three and two.Copy !req
242. and a high-fly ball,
sliced down
the right field line.Copy !req
243. Fair or foul?
It's at the foul pole.
It's a home run!Copy !req
244. You just lost ten big ones,
fella. Pay up.Copy !req
245. The dope finally made it.Copy !req
246. Oh, what a head.Copy !req
247. Come on.
You'll sleep it off. Okay.Copy !req
248. Okay, okay. There you go.Copy !req
249. I should've realized
you can't take the stuff.Copy !req
250. I'm sorry, Ward.Copy !req
251. Just a few minutes.Copy !req
252. He's had trouble getting
his curve ball over tonight.Copy !req
253. 1-1, the count.
The pitch to Johnson...Copy !req
254. Swung on, a line drive.
Base hit into leftfield.Copy !req
255. Johnson circles at first,
the throw comes into second,
he holds at firstCopy !req
256. with a solid base hit to left.
And with one out,
a 4-3 lead,Copy !req
257. Johnson at first base,
and here's catcher,
Phil Baxter.Copy !req
258. What have you got, Morella?Copy !req
259. Hey, Lieutenant.Copy !req
260. We're gonna wanna ask him
some more questions before
you take him in for x-ray.Copy !req
261. You bet.Copy !req
262. Got us a dead lady
and one pretty beat up
deli owner.Copy !req
263. What happened?Copy !req
264. Robbery.
Guy comes in all bundled up
like a downhill racer.Copy !req
265. Comes over to here,
lady's over here.Copy !req
266. Tony's behind
the cash register.Copy !req
267. Takes her money,
grabs the money
out of the till,Copy !req
268. shoves Tony up
against the oven.Copy !req
269. He starts
pistol-whipping him.Copy !req
270. The lady
must've started to goCopy !req
271. because Tony heard
the guy yell, "Don't move."Copy !req
272. Went back
to pistol-whipping him,Copy !req
273. the lady must've really got
scared and started to run.Copy !req
274. The guy came out,
shot her in the back.Copy !req
275. You got an ID?Copy !req
276. Almost celebrity,
you might say.Copy !req
277. You ever watch a show
called Detective Lucerne?Copy !req
278. Are you kidding?
We never miss that show.
What a detective.Copy !req
279. Claire Daley.
She produced it,
she and her husband.Copy !req
280. Here's her wallet,
Lieutenant.
Money's gone.Copy !req
281. Didn't bother
with anything else.Copy !req
282. Oh, sir?
What's that fella's name?Copy !req
283. Tony.Copy !req
284. Tony!Copy !req
285. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
286. My name is Columbo,
Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
287. Do you think you can answer
a few questions?Copy !req
288. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
289. I'm a little scrambled,
but go ahead.Copy !req
290. Now, I know this fellow
was all covered up,Copy !req
291. do you remember anything
that might set him apart?Copy !req
292. Like his size
or the way he walked,
the way he talked?Copy !req
293. This guy came in.Copy !req
294. He was cool
as a cucumber.Copy !req
295. Wearin' a blue parka,Copy !req
296. and a red ski mask.Copy !req
297. A little taller than
those bottle of olives
on top of that counter.Copy !req
298. Not a big guy,
about your height.Copy !req
299. Average height.Copy !req
300. Well, that's right,
average height.Copy !req
301. Or a little shorter.Copy !req
302. Or shorter.Copy !req
303. Well, that's about it.Copy !req
304. She was a sweet person.
We go back ten years,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
305. There we are.
Two weeks after
I opened up the place.Copy !req
306. What a soul
this lady had.Copy !req
307. Find him,
Lieutenant, please.Copy !req
308. All right, kill the noise!
Let's have quiet, please!Copy !req
309. Roll 'em.Copy !req
310. And action!Copy !req
311. Jimmy, Jimmy.
Let's go in tight.Copy !req
312. Tight, tight. I'm as tight as I can go.Copy !req
313. Get down!
We're shooting a movie.Copy !req
314. Get down.Copy !req
315. Get down.Copy !req
316. Cut! Cut!Copy !req
317. What is this?
Who is that?Copy !req
318. Let's move it.
We've cut.Copy !req
319. It's a little too late
to be careful, sir.Copy !req
320. I'm sorry, I...Copy !req
321. Oh, what is going on here?Copy !req
322. Will somebody get
the security guards?Copy !req
323. I can't tell you
how sorry I am, sir...Copy !req
324. Would you mind
very much, sir...Copy !req
325. for making
this disturbance.
I really can't tell you.Copy !req
326. My name is Columbo.
I'm from the police.Copy !req
327. We're ready
when you are. Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
328. No, that's all right, Danny.
Just hold on a second.Copy !req
329. It's all right.Copy !req
330. Never mind
the security.Copy !req
331. Okay.
Take five!Copy !req
332. You'll have to excuse me,Copy !req
333. Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
334. I'm terribly sorry.Copy !req
335. How can I help you?Copy !req
336. Oh, that's very
nice of you, sir.
I appreciate that.Copy !req
337. After what I did.
Gee whiz.Copy !req
338. Where was I?Copy !req
339. This is
a little difficult.Copy !req
340. I'm looking
for a Mr. Daley.Copy !req
341. Sid Daley?Copy !req
342. He wasn't at his house
last night and he wasn't
there this morning,Copy !req
343. and they just told me
at his officeCopy !req
344. that they don't know
when he's gonna be in,Copy !req
345. so I was wondering if,
you know,Copy !req
346. I thought maybe somebody here
would have an idea
where he might be.Copy !req
347. Yes, this is
about Claire, isn't it?Copy !req
348. Yes, sir.
Yes. I'm afraid it is.Copy !req
349. I heard about the shooting
on the radio.Copy !req
350. And I still...
I still can't...
I mean I...Copy !req
351. I can't quite...Copy !req
352. I keep expecting her
to walk in through the door.Copy !req
353. I know it's silly
for me to think that...
No.Copy !req
354. You want
some ice?Copy !req
355. No, no, no, no, no.
But she was something
special to me.Copy !req
356. I mean, everybody felt that,
but she was.Copy !req
357. I wouldn't be
worth a damn today,
if it wasn't for her.Copy !req
358. And it was
more than that.Copy !req
359. She was my friend.Copy !req
360. Hey.
Take it easy, Ward...Copy !req
361. Exactly what time
did it happen, Lieutenant?Copy !req
362. Last night, sir.
About ten minutes to nine.Copy !req
363. Ten minutes
to nine.Copy !req
364. God knows
what I was doingCopy !req
365. when she could have
used my help.Copy !req
366. Alone in my room, probably,
with some idiot script.Copy !req
367. You were not,
you were watching
the ballgame with me.Copy !req
368. I was? A ballgame?Copy !req
369. Oh, God. I hope I wasn't.
I was alone.
I hope I wasn't...Copy !req
370. But you
weren't alone.Copy !req
371. Listen, Lieutenant,
he's upset.Copy !req
372. He's nervous,
you know?Copy !req
373. And he...Copy !req
374. Mark, for God's sakes!
Will you stop it!Copy !req
375. This isn't one
of my shows!Copy !req
376. This actually happened.
Claire's...Copy !req
377. Claire's dead.
Now, will you take that soup
and get out of here.Copy !req
378. I can't take
anymore today.Copy !req
379. Look, all I meant
was you...Copy !req
380. Will you just
get out of here!Copy !req
381. Sir... And stay out!Copy !req
382. Sir, he didn't
mean any harm,Copy !req
383. if you'll forgive me
for saying so, sir.Copy !req
384. I sometimes have
a silly effect on people,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
385. Just being
a police lieutenant,
you know.Copy !req
386. At least,
I hope that's why.Copy !req
387. Yes, I'm sure it is.Copy !req
388. Your friend, sir.
He was just trying
to be nice.Copy !req
389. What?Copy !req
390. Oh. Him. No, no.
He wasn't trying to be nice.Copy !req
391. He was trying
to fix me up with an alibi.Copy !req
392. Then it wasn't true?Copy !req
393. What, Lieutenant?Copy !req
394. I... Excuse me.
I keep swimming
in and out of myself.Copy !req
395. Well, you know,
that's what happens, sir.Copy !req
396. It's kind of like
being in shock.Copy !req
397. Maybe you ought to sit down
for a minute, sir.Copy !req
398. I am not in shock.
I don't need to sit down.Copy !req
399. What was it
that you asked me?Copy !req
400. Well, sir, it was only
what you saidCopy !req
401. about being
fixed up with an alibi.Copy !req
402. I mean, did he
have a reason to?Copy !req
403. Lieutenant, would you mind
speaking clearly?Copy !req
404. Did who have a reason
to do what?Copy !req
405. Make an alibi, sir,
your friend.Copy !req
406. I mean, were you watching
the ballgame at ten minutes
to nine, sir, with him?Copy !req
407. Oh, I see. Well...Copy !req
408. Yes, I suppose I was.Copy !req
409. I don't have
an exact memoryCopy !req
410. about time,
that's why I have Mark.Copy !req
411. And if he says
I was, I was.Copy !req
412. He's very responsible
about time.Copy !req
413. That's what makes him
a superior gofer.Copy !req
414. You think she was murdered,
don't you?Copy !req
415. I beg your pardon,
sir?Copy !req
416. You heard me.Copy !req
417. Yes, sir, I did.Copy !req
418. I mean...Copy !req
419. Yes, I do think it was
a premeditated killing, sir.Copy !req
420. I mean, I think the robbery
was staged to cover-up
the murder.Copy !req
421. How did you know,
sir?Copy !req
422. Why else
would you be here?Copy !req
423. It could be just
a routine check, sir.Copy !req
424. No, Lieutenant.Copy !req
425. They don't send a police
detective stumbling aroundCopy !req
426. asking silly, fake-innocent
questions on a routine check.Copy !req
427. I know that
from my show.Copy !req
428. Well, silly, fake-innocent
questions like what, sir?Copy !req
429. Like, "Mr. Daley
wasn't at home last night.Copy !req
430. "He wasn't there this morning.
They told me at the office.Copy !req
431. "Said they didn't know
when he'd be in,Copy !req
432. "and I was wonderingCopy !req
433. "if anybody here had any idea
where he would be."Copy !req
434. A man
on a routine check...Copy !req
435. Your chair, sir.Copy !req
436. just asks for Mr. Daley.
Thank you.Copy !req
437. Well, you're
absolutely amazing, sir.Copy !req
438. You're right.Copy !req
439. And here I thought
you were in shock.Copy !req
440. No, you didn't.Copy !req
441. You thought
I was confused.Copy !req
442. Perhaps scared.Copy !req
443. And probably
playing for time.Copy !req
444. Amazing.Copy !req
445. What makes you think
her murder was premeditated?Copy !req
446. The usual thing, sir.Copy !req
447. Little facts that plain
don't fit, you know, sir.Copy !req
448. Anything I hate,
it's one of those
little facts.Copy !req
449. Doesn't ever seem to matter
how small it is, either, sir.Copy !req
450. It could be this big.Copy !req
451. Like he left
the credit cards behind.Copy !req
452. I mean,
why does a street robber
grab money from a walletCopy !req
453. and leave the credit cards?Copy !req
454. They're worth a pretty
good piece of change
on the black market.Copy !req
455. You see what I mean, sir?Copy !req
456. Credit cards. What else?Copy !req
457. Oh, there was
an alligator bag.Copy !req
458. A diamond ring.Copy !req
459. I doubt very much
if a robber in a hurry,
on the edge of panic,Copy !req
460. is gonna take the time
to pull the ring off
of Claire's finger.Copy !req
461. You mean, sir...Copy !req
462. You mean, if she was dead,
he couldn't get it off?Copy !req
463. Well, she is,
I believe, isn't she?Copy !req
464. Well, yes, sir.
But he could have
asked her for it first.Copy !req
465. Before he shot her.Copy !req
466. I remember Claire trying
to get that ring off
at a party once.Copy !req
467. Some silly game people
were playing.Copy !req
468. She couldn't.
Not even with soap.Copy !req
469. And you can check that out
with her husband.Copy !req
470. He was the one that asked her
to take it off.Copy !req
471. He was on the other team.Copy !req
472. Boy, when you say you studied,Copy !req
473. you aren't kidding,
are you, sir?Copy !req
474. Well, then, what about
the alligator bag?Copy !req
475. An alligator bag
that is six years oldCopy !req
476. is apt to be worn-looking.Copy !req
477. It doesn't look
like it's worth very much.Copy !req
478. It probably isn't.Copy !req
479. How do you happen
to know all that much
about her bag, sir?Copy !req
480. I gave it to her.Copy !req
481. Well, that takes care of that,
doesn't it?Copy !req
482. Right. Well,
I guess, thenCopy !req
483. there's only
the credit cards, sir.Copy !req
484. If the killer is an idiot.Copy !req
485. I beg your pardon, sir,Copy !req
486. I don't quite follow
your meaning there.Copy !req
487. Well, you don't
kill a womanCopy !req
488. and then sell the credit cards
with her name on it.Copy !req
489. The police have been known
to bribe fences before,
you know.Copy !req
490. Well, of course.
I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
491. I should've thought
of that myself.Copy !req
492. Jeez, I guess you're right,
aren't you?Copy !req
493. Not a lot to go on,
is there?Copy !req
494. Cup of coffee?Copy !req
495. Sir?Copy !req
496. Except the panic.Copy !req
497. The panic?Copy !req
498. Yes, sir.
I might have something
in this area.Copy !req
499. See what you think.Copy !req
500. Mrs. Daley was shot
at a distance of 30 feetCopy !req
501. and she was shot
in the back.Copy !req
502. Are you with me
so far?Copy !req
503. Yes, I think
I can grasp that.Copy !req
504. Now,Copy !req
505. Tony...Copy !req
506. He's the owner
of the deli.Copy !req
507. He said that the killer
was "cool as a cucumber."Copy !req
508. That's a direct quote, sir.Copy !req
509. So that means that
when Mrs. Daley
tried to run,Copy !req
510. that's when
he lost his cool.Copy !req
511. See, that's when he panicked
and he shot her.Copy !req
512. But he hit her
right in the heart, sir,Copy !req
513. and at the distance of 30 feet
while she was running.Copy !req
514. Now, that's hard
to do in a panic.Copy !req
515. What do you think?Copy !req
516. I think that I had better
try and help youCopy !req
517. because you're going
to ask me to, aren't you?Copy !req
518. You did it again, sir.
You read my mind.Copy !req
519. Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor.Copy !req
520. Detective Lucerne
helping me.Copy !req
521. Wait till I tell my wife.Copy !req
522. Somebody
asking for me?Copy !req
523. Oh, Sid,
it's all right.Copy !req
524. This is
Lieutenant Columbo
from the police department.Copy !req
525. This is Claire's husband,
Sid Daley.Copy !req
526. Sid, what can I tell you?
You know how I...Copy !req
527. How I felt
about Claire, huh?Copy !req
528. We're ready, Mr. Fowler!Copy !req
529. Yeah. Yeah,
I'll be right there.Copy !req
530. Whoops!Copy !req
531. We're hooked.Copy !req
532. I'm terribly sorry
to have this happen
at such a tense moment.Copy !req
533. Mr. Fowler, we're ready!Copy !req
534. I said,
I'll be there.Copy !req
535. I'd better watch this,
Lieutenant. Do you mind?Copy !req
536. What's the story, huh?Copy !req
537. We're running
a little late, Sidney.Copy !req
538. Let's move it, huh?Copy !req
539. Lieutenant,
what about this robber?Copy !req
540. Do you have
any leads?Copy !req
541. Well, sir...Copy !req
542. The truth is, it seems to be
a little bit more complicatedCopy !req
543. than a robbery, sir.Copy !req
544. Oh? What the Lieutenant is sayingCopy !req
545. is that he's come
to the conclusionCopy !req
546. that Claire may have been
murdered and the robbery
may be a cover-up.Copy !req
547. Murdered?Copy !req
548. That's insane.Copy !req
549. Don't you think
you should have come to me
first with this, Lieutenant?Copy !req
550. Well, I tried to, sir.
I've been looking for you
ever since last night.Copy !req
551. I was with my lawyer
last night.Copy !req
552. We meet for chess
once or twice a month,Copy !req
553. and last night turned out
to be a marathon session.Copy !req
554. We didn't quit
until five in the morning,Copy !req
555. so I stayed over.Copy !req
556. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
557. This friend,
sir, the lawyer,Copy !req
558. where can I
reach him?Copy !req
559. Is this
a grilling session?Copy !req
560. What am I?
Some kind of suspect
or something?Copy !req
561. Nothing personal, sir.Copy !req
562. I have to ask
these routine questions.Copy !req
563. Well, his name is Leo Hart.Copy !req
564. But I think you're gonna
have trouble contacting him.Copy !req
565. He took the plane
for Rome at noon.Copy !req
566. We're ready to roll.Copy !req
567. Let's do it then, huh?Copy !req
568. Mark! Why don't you
entertain the Lieutenant
while we shoot this.Copy !req
569. I'm sure he's
seen this, anyway.Copy !req
570. Seen it?
He was in it.Copy !req
571. Yeah, you know,
Ward is right.Copy !req
572. Time is my business, you know,
and I always know it.Copy !req
573. Oh, boy,
am I hung-over today.Copy !req
574. I'll be glad
when this day's over.Copy !req
575. Hey, what time you got,
Lieutenant?Copy !req
576. 11:00 on the dot.Copy !req
577. Are you kidding?Copy !req
578. Jeez, I paid a thousand
smackers for this watch.Copy !req
579. I lost five minutes
overnight.Copy !req
580. Do you mind,
sir?Copy !req
581. I have never seen
a thousand dollar
watch before.Copy !req
582. Boy, that must
be solid gold.Copy !req
583. That's platinum.Copy !req
584. Oh, no wonder
it looks so different.Copy !req
585. Well, there's nothing wrong
with your watch, sir.Copy !req
586. You have
11:00, too.Copy !req
587. Yeah, but it should be
five minutes past eleven.Copy !req
588. I always set my watch,
you know, five minutes fast.Copy !req
589. You know, you're always
racing against time
24 hours a day.Copy !req
590. Excuse me, sir,
are those men
members of your crew?Copy !req
591. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
They're with us all the time.Copy !req
592. Good. I think I'll have
a word with them.Copy !req
593. Thank you very much
for everything.Copy !req
594. Excuse me, sir.
Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD.Copy !req
595. I wonder if I can have
a word with you?Copy !req
596. We're gonna
have the hotel
in the shot, right?Copy !req
597. Everything.Copy !req
598. On the master, right?Copy !req
599. In the master, right. Okay.Copy !req
600. This is where... He comes up right here.Copy !req
601. Can I ask you this?Copy !req
602. What now?Copy !req
603. This is just the way
we discussed it.Copy !req
604. This we do on stage...
This is on stage three, right?Copy !req
605. Right. Stage three.Copy !req
606. How long do we stay there? Two days at the most.
Then we go to four.Copy !req
607. Well, what I wanna know...
Would you make a note
of this, Cathy?Copy !req
608. What I wanna know
is do we really
need this set?Copy !req
609. Excuse me, sir.
I don't wanna
interrupt you.Copy !req
610. Is that the
shark from Jaws?Copy !req
611. Yeah, I believe it is,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
612. That's the one
that they used
in the picture?Copy !req
613. I think so.Copy !req
614. Well, that looks
different to me.Copy !req
615. I can't help that.Copy !req
616. If we do scene 31
on stage four...Copy !req
617. Could they have two?Copy !req
618. I... You know,
because in the picture...Copy !req
619. Lieutenant... ... at the end,
it got all mangled.Copy !req
620. Lieutenant, I know
you didn't come here
to talk about sharks.Copy !req
621. I'm pressed for time.
What do you want?Copy !req
622. Well, I just wanted
to ask a couple questions...Copy !req
623. We got wardrobe
in five minutes.Copy !req
624. I can give you
two minutes.Copy !req
625. Fine.Copy !req
626. Thank you
very much.Copy !req
627. I understand, sir,Copy !req
628. that you and your wife
were living apart.Copy !req
629. That's true, Lieutenant.Copy !req
630. We haven't been close
for some time now.Copy !req
631. Would you
know, sir,Copy !req
632. whether or not
she was seeing somebody?Copy !req
633. I don't mean
to get personal,Copy !req
634. but somebody whom
she might be emotionally
involved with?Copy !req
635. Claire was devoted
to her work, Lieutenant.Copy !req
636. She wasn't any more
interested in loversCopy !req
637. than she was
in her husband.Copy !req
638. It made for a pretty
miserable marriage.Copy !req
639. Well, still, you must've
gotten along pretty good.Copy !req
640. I mean, you were
partners in business.Copy !req
641. Partners?
That was on paper, Lieutenant.Copy !req
642. Claire fought me
on everything.Copy !req
643. She had to have things
done her way.Copy !req
644. If I said white,
she'd say black.Copy !req
645. All you have to do
is take a look at this new
Ward Fowler contract.Copy !req
646. Paying an actor
that kind of money
is insanity.Copy !req
647. Now, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.Copy !req
648. Are you saying that you didn't
wanna pay him that money?Copy !req
649. I think they should
have turned him down.Copy !req
650. I think he would have folded.Copy !req
651. But Claire argued me
right under the table.Copy !req
652. I was an idiot
for giving in.Copy !req
653. Now, if this show
takes a dip
they'll drop it.Copy !req
654. I still don't understand.Copy !req
655. You and your wife
were partners.Copy !req
656. Now, isn't it
to her best interestCopy !req
657. not to give him
all that money?Copy !req
658. In anything involving Ward,
she always took his side.Copy !req
659. Forgive me
for asking this, sir.Copy !req
660. I seem to remember storiesCopy !req
661. that at one time
they were pretty close.Copy !req
662. Are you suggesting
that their relationshipCopy !req
663. was still pretty close?Copy !req
664. Yeah.
But not the way you mean it,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
665. Oh, sure, they'd
had a big romance,Copy !req
666. but by the time
I came into the picture,
it was dead.Copy !req
667. But that didn't mean
that Claire was finishedCopy !req
668. watching over Ward's career.Copy !req
669. She stopped being a lover
and she became a mother.Copy !req
670. Sent him off to have
his teeth capped.Copy !req
671. Made him drop ten pounds.Copy !req
672. Showed him how
to comb his hair.Copy !req
673. It sounds like
she was proud of him.Copy !req
674. It was ego.Copy !req
675. Claire's ego.Copy !req
676. You learn.Copy !req
677. Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
678. No problem.
No problem.Copy !req
679. Lieutenant Lucerne.Copy !req
680. I just wanted
to fill you in, sir.Copy !req
681. Right.
What have we got?Copy !req
682. Nothing.Copy !req
683. We still think
it was premeditated,
don't we?Copy !req
684. Oh, I don't know, sir.
What do you suppose?Copy !req
685. Well, I suppose
if that's your instinct,
then it must be right.Copy !req
686. My instinct
about Claire,Copy !req
687. and I don't have
any clues to go on,Copy !req
688. is that she was
what they call,Copy !req
689. I believe the term
is victim-prone.Copy !req
690. Some people are,
you know?Copy !req
691. And Claire, well,Copy !req
692. Claire was given
to taunting people.Copy !req
693. She was a born victim.Copy !req
694. She was the kind
who asks for it.Copy !req
695. In her marriage,
in her life...Copy !req
696. Quite possibly
in her death.Copy !req
697. That's fascinating,
sir.Copy !req
698. You've got quite a way
of putting things.Copy !req
699. Especially about Mrs. Daley.
Let me ask you, sir.Copy !req
700. Could you maybe
tell me more about her?Copy !req
701. Not much.Copy !req
702. But you're right.Copy !req
703. About what, sir?Copy !req
704. What you're thinking.Copy !req
705. I was lying before.Copy !req
706. I didn't like
Claire very much.Copy !req
707. I haven't for years.Copy !req
708. Which doesn't mean to sayCopy !req
709. I wasn't shocked by the news
of her death, I was.Copy !req
710. And I was still a little bit
shook up
when you first walked in,Copy !req
711. so I said whatever sounded
right to a detective.Copy !req
712. Some other detective.
Not you.Copy !req
713. Please sit down.Copy !req
714. Properties, a glass
for the Lieutenant, please. Yes, sir.Copy !req
715. You had me absolutely
fooled, sir.Copy !req
716. Really?Copy !req
717. Scout's honor.Copy !req
718. Even after you asked
a few questions
around the set?Copy !req
719. Thank you.
Our fights, Claire's and mine,Copy !req
720. weren't always discreet.Copy !req
721. And some of them
were overheard, I believe.Copy !req
722. You must have been
told by the crew.Copy !req
723. You know how people talk.Copy !req
724. Yes, I do.
I know exactly how they talk.Copy !req
725. But gossip doesn't
mean anything, sir,
does it?Copy !req
726. One way or another.Copy !req
727. I mean, we still don't have
anything to go onCopy !req
728. except the fact that
the killer hit the bull's-eye
from 30 feet.Copy !req
729. If he hit the bull's-eye,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
730. What do you mean, sir?Copy !req
731. I mean that there's
as good a chanceCopy !req
732. of a man hitting
the shoulderCopy !req
733. as there is
of his hitting the heart.Copy !req
734. Which leads us
to another theory.Copy !req
735. We're going to assume
that our man is a robber,Copy !req
736. with no prior intent
to kill anyone.Copy !req
737. And we're also going to take
into account the factCopy !req
738. that a bullet
aimed high at the backCopy !req
739. has a better than 28% chanceCopy !req
740. of killing the victim
by hitting a vital organCopy !req
741. in a crime
that is not premeditatedCopy !req
742. by a robber who is not
an expert marksman.Copy !req
743. Now, what do you think
the odds rise toCopy !req
744. if the man
is an expert marksman.Copy !req
745. Do you think an ex-mercenary,
a kid hung-up on guns,Copy !req
746. excuse me,
a former policeman,
shoots still targets?Copy !req
747. No. Part of being
an expert marksmanCopy !req
748. is hitting a moving target.Copy !req
749. And a man who is accustomed
to firearms enough to be
an expert marksmanCopy !req
750. is often
in a situation of panic.Copy !req
751. That's brilliant, sir.Copy !req
752. That's very impressive.Copy !req
753. No wonder you solve
more crimes than I do, sir.Copy !req
754. Oh, wait a minute.Copy !req
755. Wait a minute, sir.Copy !req
756. I forgot.Copy !req
757. Forgot what?Copy !req
758. The dress.Copy !req
759. The what?Copy !req
760. I think I can show you
what I mean, sir.Copy !req
761. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
762. Would you draw a circle
back there right around
the area of the heart?Copy !req
763. Don't press too hard, sir.
I don't wanna ruin the coat.Copy !req
764. Now what?Copy !req
765. Now I drop my hands.Copy !req
766. Do you see what happened
to that circle, sir?Copy !req
767. When I dropped my hands,
the circle dropped, too.Copy !req
768. Now, when I first saw
Mrs. Daley's body,Copy !req
769. I noticed that
she was wearingCopy !req
770. one of those
tight-fitting dresses.Copy !req
771. And that the bullet hole
in the dressCopy !req
772. was about an inch below
the actual wound in her body,Copy !req
773. which meant that she had
to be holding her hands upCopy !req
774. when she was shot.Copy !req
775. And she couldn't be
running away, could she?Copy !req
776. I mean, with her hands
standing like this.Copy !req
777. No one runs for their lives
with their hands straight up.Copy !req
778. So, either she was walking
with her hands straight upCopy !req
779. or she was standing still
with her hands straight upCopy !req
780. when the gunman
shot her in the back.Copy !req
781. Very well done.Copy !req
782. But I wish you had said
something before about this.Copy !req
783. It would've saved us
a lot of time, wouldn't it?Copy !req
784. Well, we're back
to our deliberate murderer,
aren't we?Copy !req
785. And this time
there's no doubt about it.Copy !req
786. Really, Lieutenant,
really well done.Copy !req
787. Ward, the car's ready
to leave for the back lot.Copy !req
788. This is what the police artist
came up with.Copy !req
789. Not much help, is it?Copy !req
790. No help at all, sir.Copy !req
791. I shouldn't have
wasted your time.Copy !req
792. Well, I'll just
let myself out.Copy !req
793. Thank you very much.Copy !req
794. Where is the...
Oh!Copy !req
795. There's the door.Copy !req
796. Lieutenant,
where do you think
he got the costume?Copy !req
797. Well, funny you should
mention that, sir.Copy !req
798. I've been asking myself
that same question all day.Copy !req
799. There's a couple
of odd things about it.Copy !req
800. Neither the parka
nor the ski maskCopy !req
801. have any markings on them.Copy !req
802. No way to trace themCopy !req
803. and they were cut
to ribbons, anyway.Copy !req
804. You certainly
lock yourself in here, sir.Copy !req
805. And very smart
to do it, too.Copy !req
806. Oh, here we go.Copy !req
807. No, that doesn't work
either.Copy !req
808. You think he mutilated
the disguiseCopy !req
809. because he was afraid
someone might recognize it?Copy !req
810. Exactly, sir.Copy !req
811. Boy, do you and I
think the same way.
It's amazing.Copy !req
812. Isn't it?Copy !req
813. I wonder, sir.Copy !req
814. Is there a trick
to unlocking this door, sir?Copy !req
815. I can't seem
to manage it.Copy !req
816. Everybody has
trouble with this.Copy !req
817. Thank you very much,
sir.Copy !req
818. Oh, did I mention
the mask?Copy !req
819. That it was slashed?Copy !req
820. No. That it had
makeup on it.Copy !req
821. The lab
turned it up, sir.Copy !req
822. Where would he find a mask
that had makeup on it?Copy !req
823. That's a very good question.Copy !req
824. I believe you know
the answer.Copy !req
825. I believe I do, sir.Copy !req
826. We could be looking
for a woman.Copy !req
827. Precisely.Copy !req
828. We've assumed all along
it was a man,Copy !req
829. but it's possible
we were wrong.Copy !req
830. Particularly
in the light of this.Copy !req
831. Oh, I'm relieved
to hear you say that, sir.Copy !req
832. I thought
you were going to sayCopy !req
833. it was impossible
because of Tony.Copy !req
834. Tony...
He's the owner
of the delicatessen.Copy !req
835. Saying that the voice
was a man's.Copy !req
836. But, the below average heightCopy !req
837. and the fact that
the voice was disguisedCopy !req
838. and it was
muffled by the mask...Copy !req
839. All indicate
at least the possibility
of a doubt as to the gender.Copy !req
840. The lab is going
to be running some more tests
on that makeup,Copy !req
841. so I'll report tomorrow.Copy !req
842. You should be on salary,
sir, with these hours.Copy !req
843. I feel I am.Copy !req
844. Good working with you.Copy !req
845. Thank you.Copy !req
846. I guess I just
got carried away, sir.Copy !req
847. I hope you don't mind.Copy !req
848. No, no. It's all right.Copy !req
849. These shoes, sir,
they're really terrific.Copy !req
850. Now I know
why, Lieutenant Lucerne,
he always look so tall.Copy !req
851. Yes, well, I would appreciateCopy !req
852. a certain amount of discretion
in that matter, Lieutenant.Copy !req
853. Public image, you know.Copy !req
854. Oh, right, sir.Copy !req
855. Oh, well,Copy !req
856. you don't have to worry
about a thing, sir.Copy !req
857. As far as I'm concerned,Copy !req
858. you're four inches
taller than I am.Copy !req
859. And that's the end of it.Copy !req
860. Thank you,
Lieutenant Columbo.Copy !req
861. My pleasure,
Lieutenant Lucerne.Copy !req
862. Sir, I got the second
lab report on the mask,Copy !req
863. so I hurried
right over.Copy !req
864. Yes?Copy !req
865. It turns out that it
probably isn't a woman, sir.Copy !req
866. You see,
it was actor's makeup.Copy !req
867. Not the kind of makeupCopy !req
868. that women use in the street.
Pancake.Copy !req
869. Women very often
use a brand of makeupCopy !req
870. that's made up for actors
like pancake.Copy !req
871. I, for example,Copy !req
872. use precisely
that product myself.Copy !req
873. Yes, sir.
I know.Copy !req
874. Yes. I'm sure you do by now.Copy !req
875. No, but the point here
is something else, sir.Copy !req
876. You see,
the lab found tracesCopy !req
877. of four different shades
of makeup on that mask.Copy !req
878. And women, you know,
they don't usually
change shades that much.Copy !req
879. So, in the light of that,
sir, I got to thinking.Copy !req
880. Where did it lead you
to this time?Copy !req
881. A guess, sir.Copy !req
882. A professional
makeup man?Copy !req
883. Right, sir.Copy !req
884. And then
to my makeup table.Copy !req
885. Oh, no, sir.
No, sir. No.Copy !req
886. I only came here
to see you. Honest.Copy !req
887. I was just fooling around
with the shoesCopy !req
888. just to pass the time
for something to do
until you came in.Copy !req
889. No. I didn't look
at another thing
while I was here.Copy !req
890. That means
you didn't have to.Copy !req
891. You already
know something.Copy !req
892. Where did you look?Copy !req
893. Guess, sir.
I'll give you three guesses.Copy !req
894. The studio wardrobe
department.Copy !req
895. You got it in one,
sir.Copy !req
896. That's absolutely amazing.
You're right.Copy !req
897. The parka
and the ski mask.Copy !req
898. That's where they both
came from.Copy !req
899. And the gun?Copy !req
900. Come on, sir.
You're putting me on.Copy !req
901. You know that guns don't come
from the wardrobe department.Copy !req
902. Of course.
How stupid of me.Copy !req
903. No, that's
the prop department, sir,Copy !req
904. not the wardrobe department.Copy !req
905. How does a smart man
like Lieutenant LucerneCopy !req
906. make a mistake like that?Copy !req
907. Because you're not talking
to Lieutenant Lucerne
at the moment,Copy !req
908. are you, Lieutenant?Copy !req
909. You're talking to Ward Fowler.Copy !req
910. Well, what's
the difference, sir?Copy !req
911. The difference
is Ward Fowler's
under suspicion of murder.Copy !req
912. And a man
under that kind of threatCopy !req
913. is apt to make mistakes.Copy !req
914. He's apt to get rattled.Copy !req
915. Well, who ever said
anything about Ward FowlerCopy !req
916. being under
suspicion of murder?Copy !req
917. Lieutenant Lucerne did.Copy !req
918. He did?Copy !req
919. Well, how did he come
to that conclusion, sir?Copy !req
920. He had to face
the same fact you did.Copy !req
921. What fact is that, sir?Copy !req
922. There are only four people
who could have
murdered Claire.Copy !req
923. You mean the four people
who knewCopy !req
924. where Claire Daley
was going to be that night.Copy !req
925. Exactly! And only one of thoseCopy !req
926. is instantly associated with
makeup, wardrobe and props.Copy !req
927. Well, now, let's see.Copy !req
928. Mrs. Daley
took the callCopy !req
929. from her secretary
in your dressing roomCopy !req
930. when she said that
she was going to...Copy !req
931. Oh, what's his name, sir?Copy !req
932. Tony's.Copy !req
933. You know Tony, sir.
He's the one who...Copy !req
934. If you tell me that
one more time,
I'm gonna kill myself.Copy !req
935. Sorry, sir.
Have I said that before?Copy !req
936. So the number of people
who knewCopy !req
937. where Claire Daley
was going to be that night,Copy !req
938. her secretary,Copy !req
939. Mr. Sid Daley,Copy !req
940. Mark...Copy !req
941. I'm curious
as to how Mark knew.Copy !req
942. Well, sir, Mark offered
to bring her a cheeseburgerCopy !req
943. and she told her secretary
to tell himCopy !req
944. that she not only
didn't want a gofer,Copy !req
945. she didn't want
a cheeseburger, either.Copy !req
946. And that she was going
to get a sandwich
over at Tony's.Copy !req
947. And she said to tell
her husband the same thing.Copy !req
948. I see.Copy !req
949. Well, no you don't, sir.Copy !req
950. I mean, you must
have seen before.Copy !req
951. Because you were
in the roomCopy !req
952. when she took the call,
weren't you?Copy !req
953. She made it from
this dressing room.Copy !req
954. I don't know.
I'm not sure.Copy !req
955. I'm not in the habit
of listening to other people's
telephone calls.Copy !req
956. I didn't know that Claire
was going to Tony's.Copy !req
957. You didn't, sir?Copy !req
958. Absolutely not,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
959. Then how did you know,
sir, that there were
only four peopleCopy !req
960. who knew where Claire Daley
was going to be that nightCopy !req
961. and how did you know
that you were one of them?Copy !req
962. The same way
you did.Copy !req
963. I asked Claire's secretary
and she informed meCopy !req
964. that the call was made
from my room.Copy !req
965. You did, sir?Copy !req
966. Oh, yes, I did,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
967. Oh, that's
very good, sir.Copy !req
968. Thank you, Lieutenant.
I believe you meant that.Copy !req
969. Oh, I did, sir.Copy !req
970. I'd say we make rather
a good team, don't you?Copy !req
971. Yeah. Sort of like
Sherlock Holmes
and Watson, sir.Copy !req
972. No, no, no,
no, no.Copy !req
973. More like Sherlock Holmes
and Sherlock Holmes.Copy !req
974. Well, what I mean, sir,
is the way I see it,Copy !req
975. I'm working with
the highest paid detective
in the world.Copy !req
976. It's not as high
as it sounds.Copy !req
977. Not when you have to pay out
as much as I do.Copy !req
978. Well, I gotta get
to work on Sid Daley.Copy !req
979. Boy, it's hard to find
someone in Rome, sir.Copy !req
980. Yes, I imagine.Copy !req
981. But his story has
to be checked out
just like anybody else's.Copy !req
982. Oh, by the way,
sir,Copy !req
983. did I mention
that we found the gun
in the prop department?Copy !req
984. No. What you said was
that was where you were
gonna look for one.Copy !req
985. Oh, that's right, sir.
Right.Copy !req
986. And you didn't wanna
jump to conclusions.Copy !req
987. No good detective
should.Copy !req
988. Was there anything
on the gun?Copy !req
989. Anything like
what, sir?Copy !req
990. Fingerprints,
what else?Copy !req
991. Oh, right.
No, I don't think so, sir.Copy !req
992. The lab is
still running tests.Copy !req
993. By the way, sir,Copy !req
994. why do you think
he put the gun backCopy !req
995. and threw away
everything else?Copy !req
996. Perhaps because
he didn't have time
to get rid of the gun safely.Copy !req
997. Guns are very easy
to trace.Copy !req
998. And the prop roomCopy !req
999. may have seemed
the safest place to him.Copy !req
1000. I think
you hit it again, sir.Copy !req
1001. Ready when you are,
Mr. Fowler.Copy !req
1002. Be right there.Copy !req
1003. Oh, sir, if you didn't think
I was gonna be in the way,Copy !req
1004. I would love to...Copy !req
1005. No. Not at all.
Be my guest.Copy !req
1006. Oh, thank you very much,
sir. I appreciate that.Copy !req
1007. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
1008. I don't wanna
appear grabby,Copy !req
1009. but do you think I could
have one of these, sir?Copy !req
1010. Certainly.
As many as you want.Copy !req
1011. That's the usual
publicity nonsense.Copy !req
1012. Ward Fowler this,
Ward Fowler that.
Nothing.Copy !req
1013. Nothing to you sir,
but to my wife...Copy !req
1014. Boy, she's gonna
be tickled pink.Copy !req
1015. But blend it on. All right.Copy !req
1016. No. I mean blend it,
especially on this side.Copy !req
1017. Oh, I see.
All right.Copy !req
1018. Like that?Copy !req
1019. I can't tell.Copy !req
1020. Oh, am I in the way, sir?
Oh, forgive me.
I didn't mean to intrude,Copy !req
1021. That's all right,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
1022. That's remarkable.Copy !req
1023. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1024. Remarkable
how you do that, sir.Copy !req
1025. My wife would like
to have you around.Copy !req
1026. Thank you, Lieutenant.Copy !req
1027. You know, this bio, sir,Copy !req
1028. it doesn't say
anything aboutCopy !req
1029. when you were
first discovered,Copy !req
1030. and what you were doing
when you were discovered,Copy !req
1031. who discovered you.Copy !req
1032. I'm going to have
a little chatCopy !req
1033. with the publicity department
about that.Copy !req
1034. Come to
think of it, sir,Copy !req
1035. it was Mrs. Daley
who discovered you, wasn't it?Copy !req
1036. Now, Lieutenant,
I told you all about that
with great emotionCopy !req
1037. and in great detail
the first time we met.Copy !req
1038. Well, that's what I mean, sir,
it should be in here.Copy !req
1039. Excuse me, Kenny.
Thank you.Copy !req
1040. Where were you
and when...Copy !req
1041. Lieutenant, why don't you
just ask meCopy !req
1042. what it is
you wanna know?Copy !req
1043. Where did Mrs. Daley
discover you, sir?Copy !req
1044. That's something even
my wife doesn't know.Copy !req
1045. It doesn't say anything
here in the bio.Copy !req
1046. It doesn't even say
whether Ward Fowler's
your real name or not.Copy !req
1047. And that's something
any Lieutenant Lucernefan
would wanna know.Copy !req
1048. Why don't we
stop pretendingCopy !req
1049. that I'm brilliant and you're
simple for one moment.Copy !req
1050. I'm gonna confide
something in you.Copy !req
1051. Anything you tell me, sir,
it's between us.
Like the shoes.Copy !req
1052. Lieutenant,
my real name,Copy !req
1053. so help me,
Charles Kipling.Copy !req
1054. And you're the only one
who knows that.Copy !req
1055. Now, Charles Kipling was
in a little bit of troubleCopy !req
1056. when Claire
first found him.Copy !req
1057. Actually, I was
doing theater
in Toronto.Copy !req
1058. Claire and I hit it off big,
she thought I had
a great future,Copy !req
1059. she persuaded me
to leave Canada.Copy !req
1060. And that was
the beginning.Copy !req
1061. The trouble straightened
itself out, of course.Copy !req
1062. But I've always been
a little sensitive about it.Copy !req
1063. You understand?Copy !req
1064. Oh, I certainly do,
sir.Copy !req
1065. Lou, Lou, I'm talking,
but you're not listening.Copy !req
1066. There's no money
in the budget.Copy !req
1067. Lou, will you believe me?
There's no money.Copy !req
1068. Look, that's the way it is,
take it or leave it.Copy !req
1069. Good. Good.
You got yourself a deal.Copy !req
1070. What is it this time,
Lieutenant?Copy !req
1071. I'm a very busy man.Copy !req
1072. There was no one
out there, sir.Copy !req
1073. It's all right.Copy !req
1074. So I just came in.
Congratulations.Copy !req
1075. Congratulations
for what?Copy !req
1076. I heard you came into
a lot of money.Copy !req
1077. I see. You heard
about my little windfall?Copy !req
1078. Yes, sir, I have.Copy !req
1079. Lieutenant, if you think
I knew anything about this,Copy !req
1080. you're wrong.Copy !req
1081. My lawyer called me
and told meCopy !req
1082. my wife's safe deposit boxCopy !req
1083. was practically layeredCopy !req
1084. with receipts for these
silver certificates.Copy !req
1085. I'll be damned
if I can figure out
how she did it.Copy !req
1086. I think the government's gonna
have a little trouble, too,Copy !req
1087. because she never
declared them as income.Copy !req
1088. She kept the certificates
in a numbered account
in a Canadian bank.Copy !req
1089. And it all goes to you,
right, sir?Copy !req
1090. And it all goes to me.
After taxes.Copy !req
1091. Including a few lovely IOUs
from Ward Fowler.Copy !req
1092. Is that so, sir?
That's surprising, isn't it?Copy !req
1093. Considering all the money
he makes.Copy !req
1094. I never question good fortune,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
1095. All I know is that
getting along
with Ward FowlerCopy !req
1096. is gonna be
a lot easier from now on.Copy !req
1097. What about a drink?Copy !req
1098. That's amazing
how she kept it from you.Copy !req
1099. Well she did.
I just found out about it.Copy !req
1100. Yes, sir, I know.
Your accountant told me.Copy !req
1101. Oh. Well, good.Copy !req
1102. Then that's it, huh?Copy !req
1103. Yes, sir, that's it.Copy !req
1104. Oh, there's
one more thing, sir.Copy !req
1105. Mr. Hart
is in Rome.Copy !req
1106. He's gonna be back
in his hotel room
in a little while.Copy !req
1107. Before I talk to him,Copy !req
1108. were you really playing chess
the other night?Copy !req
1109. Lieutenant, let's get it
straight right now.Copy !req
1110. I was not with Leo Hart
the other night.Copy !req
1111. But I wasn't busy
killing my wife, either.Copy !req
1112. Yes, Mr. Daley?Copy !req
1113. Molly, would you
come in for a minute?
I need your help.Copy !req
1114. Molly, would you please
tell Lieutenant ColumboCopy !req
1115. where I was
on Thursday evening,Copy !req
1116. the night
my wife was killed?Copy !req
1117. The truth.Copy !req
1118. Mr. Daley was with me,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
1119. We left the office
togetherCopy !req
1120. and we were togetherCopy !req
1121. in my apartment
until the next morning.Copy !req
1122. It's the truth.Copy !req
1123. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
1124. I believe it is.Copy !req
1125. Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne.Copy !req
1126. I suppose you came here
for a confession.Copy !req
1127. Well, you're not
going to get it, sir.Copy !req
1128. BecauseCopy !req
1129. you don't have
the facts, sir.Copy !req
1130. Wait a minute.
You're gonna love it.Copy !req
1131. Let's see
what we got here.Copy !req
1132. All right.Copy !req
1133. I don't know why
you started laughing.Copy !req
1134. Here.Copy !req
1135. Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne.Copy !req
1136. I suppose you came here
for a confession.Copy !req
1137. Well, you're not
going to get it, sir.Copy !req
1138. I'm just silly, sir,
but that machine,
that is really fantastic.Copy !req
1139. How much, roughly,
would a thing like that cost?Copy !req
1140. Oh, about $3,000.
Not counting the camera,
of course.Copy !req
1141. Three thousand?
Dollars?Copy !req
1142. Why, I can get a new car
for that. Not that I need one.Copy !req
1143. Lieutenant,Copy !req
1144. you have something
to say to me, don't you?Copy !req
1145. Yes, sir. I'm really sorry
to bother you like this, sir.Copy !req
1146. But just a couple of questions
before my report on Sid Daley.Copy !req
1147. It doesn't look like
he could have done it, sir.Copy !req
1148. He was with a girl
and she confirmed it.Copy !req
1149. I see.Copy !req
1150. I tell you what.Copy !req
1151. Let's you and I discuss
what I have to tell you first.Copy !req
1152. And then we can both
interrogate Ward Fowler.Copy !req
1153. You see,
as Lieutenant Lucerne,Copy !req
1154. I have a rather unpleasant
idea taking shape in my mind.Copy !req
1155. Brandy?Copy !req
1156. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
1157. What might that be, sir?Copy !req
1158. Well, that might be...
And I'm speaking strictly
as Lucerne, of course.Copy !req
1159. Of course.Copy !req
1160. It just might be,
unlikely as it may seem,Copy !req
1161. it just might
conceivably beCopy !req
1162. Ward Fowler
is the man we're after.Copy !req
1163. You mean the murderer?Copy !req
1164. Exactly.Copy !req
1165. No.Copy !req
1166. Yes. I know this comes
as a shock to you.Copy !req
1167. But let's think about it.Copy !req
1168. Let's examine
the possibilities.Copy !req
1169. Well, if you say so, sir,Copy !req
1170. but I don't see
where there could be
possibly a motive.Copy !req
1171. Why would Ward Fowler
wanna kill Claire Daley?Copy !req
1172. It's Claire Daley
who made him famous.Copy !req
1173. That's what I
was wondering and thenCopy !req
1174. I got to thinking
about the IOUs.Copy !req
1175. Oh, did you, sir?Copy !req
1176. Yes. Oddly enough I did.Copy !req
1177. I'm speaking as Lucerne,
of course.Copy !req
1178. Yes, of course.Copy !req
1179. Half a million dollars
in IOUs. Wow!Copy !req
1180. I couldn't help wondering why,
with all the moneyCopy !req
1181. that Ward Fowler makes,Copy !req
1182. he could owe
Claire Daley that much.Copy !req
1183. And then it hit me.Copy !req
1184. What hit you, sir?Copy !req
1185. Coffee?Copy !req
1186. Thank you.Copy !req
1187. Did you happen to see
a show last AugustCopy !req
1188. that had to do with a man
who was being blackmailed
by a woman?Copy !req
1189. Oh, yes, sir,
I did see that show. Yes.Copy !req
1190. He shot her.Copy !req
1191. Exactly.Copy !req
1192. Why would Claire Daley
blackmail Ward Fowler?Copy !req
1193. And then how?Copy !req
1194. That's where I'm gonna need
your help, Lieutenant.Copy !req
1195. Have you, by any chance,Copy !req
1196. checked with
the Toronto police by now?Copy !req
1197. Yes, yes,
as a matter of fact, I have.Copy !req
1198. I thought maybe you had.
And they told you...Copy !req
1199. They told me that
Charles Kipling was an alias.Copy !req
1200. And that's when
you decided to haveCopy !req
1201. Ward Fowler's fingerprints
checked with the FBI?Copy !req
1202. That is absolutely right, sir.Copy !req
1203. You're amazing.Copy !req
1204. Yes, it turns out that
Ward Fowler's real name
is not Charles Kipling.Copy !req
1205. It's John Snelling
and you're a...Copy !req
1206. He's not a Canadian.Copy !req
1207. He's an American.Copy !req
1208. And he went to CanadaCopy !req
1209. after he deserted
during the Korean War.Copy !req
1210. There you are.
There's your motive.Copy !req
1211. How would it look if
America's favorite detectiveCopy !req
1212. were known to be
a Korean War deserter?Copy !req
1213. Or hadn't that
occurred to you?Copy !req
1214. Oh, yes, sir,
it did occur to me,Copy !req
1215. but there's something
wrong with your thinking.Copy !req
1216. If you'll forgive
a criticism, sir.Copy !req
1217. I look at it this way.Copy !req
1218. If Ward Fowler's career
was ruined,Copy !req
1219. she wouldn't be able
to blackmail him anymore,
would she?Copy !req
1220. He wouldn't have
anymore money.Copy !req
1221. And on top of that,
the show would fold.Copy !req
1222. And it would be her show.Copy !req
1223. Do you understand
my point, sir?Copy !req
1224. I mean, does
an intelligent womanCopy !req
1225. go and destroy
her only means of income?Copy !req
1226. I don't know. Does she?Copy !req
1227. It's what that character did
in the show last August.Copy !req
1228. That's the implicit threat
of every blackmailer,Copy !req
1229. "Pay me or I'll ruin you."Copy !req
1230. Can I ask you
a question, sir?Copy !req
1231. Why don't we just
ask Ward FowlerCopy !req
1232. if he was being blackmailed
or not?Copy !req
1233. I asked him.Copy !req
1234. And?Copy !req
1235. He claims not.Copy !req
1236. He claims he has
what he calls a weakness.Copy !req
1237. And this weakness
has cost him a great dealCopy !req
1238. and Claire Daley
was kind enough
to lend him enough moneyCopy !req
1239. to cover
his rather extensive losses.Copy !req
1240. And do you
believe him, sir?Copy !req
1241. Taking your argument for him
into account, I think so.Copy !req
1242. I'm not sure. Do you?Copy !req
1243. Well, it's hard to say,
isn't it?Copy !req
1244. I mean,Copy !req
1245. taking your argument
against him into account.Copy !req
1246. I mean, you know, he had
an awful lot to conceal.Copy !req
1247. Did you know that?Copy !req
1248. For example, the Army unit
that he deserted from
was the artillery.Copy !req
1249. He was an expert marksman.Copy !req
1250. I checked on that, too.Copy !req
1251. He never told me that.Copy !req
1252. You see?Copy !req
1253. You never know, do you?Copy !req
1254. On the other hand,Copy !req
1255. Ward Fowler has an alibi.Copy !req
1256. He was with Mark
during the whole time
during the murder.Copy !req
1257. And that alibi is airtight.Copy !req
1258. Is it as airtight
as Sid Daley's?Copy !req
1259. Oh, I think it's more, sir.Copy !req
1260. I mean, a girl
that you're gonna marryCopy !req
1261. is much more apt to provide
an alibi than a gofer.Copy !req
1262. What do we conclude
from this interrogation?Copy !req
1263. Ward Fowler denies
having a motive,Copy !req
1264. he won't admit
to having means,Copy !req
1265. and he can prove that
he didn't have opportunity.Copy !req
1266. So that leaves us
with Sid Daley.Copy !req
1267. That's a great third act line,
isn't it?Copy !req
1268. "That leaves us
with Sid Daley."Copy !req
1269. Well, I think this has been
very helpful, sir.Copy !req
1270. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1271. I certainly
appreciate it.Copy !req
1272. Oh. One more thing, sir.Copy !req
1273. We got something else
on the gun.
Did I mention that?Copy !req
1274. No, you. Didn't.
What, Lieutenant?Copy !req
1275. A thread sir.Copy !req
1276. From the parka?Copy !req
1277. No, sir.
We haven't traced the garmentCopy !req
1278. from which
the thread came from yet, sir.Copy !req
1279. Lieutenant, if I were you,
I'd get a search warrantCopy !req
1280. for all four people involved.Copy !req
1281. Yes, sir.
That's just exactly
what I've done, sir.Copy !req
1282. In fact...Copy !req
1283. Could you
open this, sir?Copy !req
1284. I still don't have
the knack.Copy !req
1285. I would like for us
to know, Lieutenant,
the meaning of this.Copy !req
1286. Sid, please.Copy !req
1287. He asked me where you were,
Lieutenant. I hope
it's okay that I told him.Copy !req
1288. May I ask
what this was
all about?Copy !req
1289. Oh, there's
the sweater.Copy !req
1290. Does it match up
with the thread?Copy !req
1291. I think so.Copy !req
1292. We gotta take it down
to the lab, though,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
1293. It's the only
piece of clothing
that even came close.Copy !req
1294. I don't know what you're
talking about, Lieutenant,Copy !req
1295. but I do know that
suspicion is being
deliberately cast on meCopy !req
1296. and I can guess
by whom.Copy !req
1297. Well, sir, I won't deny
that Lieutenant Lucerne...Copy !req
1298. Will you stop calling him
Lieutenant Lucerne?Copy !req
1299. He's a television detective.Copy !req
1300. You can't conduct
an investigation
based on his suspicions.Copy !req
1301. Well, sir. I did have a reason
beyond his suspicions.Copy !req
1302. You see, the gun
that killed your wife, sir,Copy !req
1303. had a little piece of thread
that got caught
on the trigger.Copy !req
1304. I'm afraid, sir,
that that threadCopy !req
1305. came from this sweater.Copy !req
1306. A thread from my sweater?Copy !req
1307. Yes, sir. Mohair.Copy !req
1308. And the lab said
navy blue mohair.Copy !req
1309. And I remembered that was
the color of the sweaterCopy !req
1310. that you were wearing
the first day that I met you.Copy !req
1311. The morning
after she was murdered.Copy !req
1312. But that's incredible.Copy !req
1313. Yes, sir,
I agree with you.Copy !req
1314. But I've always had
a good memory for colors.Copy !req
1315. Bravo, Lieutenant.
Even I didn't remember that.Copy !req
1316. Didn't you, sir?Copy !req
1317. My goodness,
that's funny.Copy !req
1318. You see,
because one of
the reasonsCopy !req
1319. that I remembered
the sweaterCopy !req
1320. was because
you got hooked on it
that day.Copy !req
1321. Following
our discussion, sir.Copy !req
1322. Supposing Lucerne
was right beforeCopy !req
1323. when he got the idea
that Ward Fowler
was our man.Copy !req
1324. Supposing Ward Fowler
had planted that thread
on the gun himself.Copy !req
1325. I don't quite follow you.Copy !req
1326. Well, sir,
supposing you...Copy !req
1327. I mean, supposing
Lieutenant Lucerne
was right,Copy !req
1328. and Claire Daley
was blackmailing youCopy !req
1329. like in the TV show.Copy !req
1330. Lieutenant, I thought
we agreed that I had
what you calledCopy !req
1331. an iron-clad alibi?Copy !req
1332. Airtight, sir, that's what
we actually say.Copy !req
1333. Yes, sir, but you know
as well as I doCopy !req
1334. that you could have
rigged that alibi.Copy !req
1335. It was very brave of you, sir,Copy !req
1336. to show me
the videotape machine.Copy !req
1337. You certainly like
to take a chance.Copy !req
1338. And I always wondered,
of course,Copy !req
1339. how two drinks could have
given Mark such a hangover.Copy !req
1340. I figured it was
phenobarbital.Copy !req
1341. And then he would be out.Copy !req
1342. And you'd be able
to tape the game,Copy !req
1343. and go over to Tony's,
and kill Claire, and get home,Copy !req
1344. and then wake up Mark.Copy !req
1345. And he would be
disoriented and groggyCopy !req
1346. and guilty
about drinking.Copy !req
1347. And when you saw
the ballgame on TV,Copy !req
1348. and it looked just about
the same as it did
when he passed out,Copy !req
1349. he'd be glad to assume
he'd only been out
for a minute or twoCopy !req
1350. instead of the hour and a half
that had actually passed.Copy !req
1351. And you changed his watch,
didn't you?Copy !req
1352. And then you changed it back
to the right time
after he was asleep.Copy !req
1353. That was a mistake, sir.Copy !req
1354. You shouldn't have set it
to the correct timeCopy !req
1355. because Mark always keeps
his watch five minutes fast.Copy !req
1356. I wondered about that.Copy !req
1357. A thousand dollar watch
just doesn't lose
five minutes overnight.Copy !req
1358. Is that it?Copy !req
1359. No, sir. There's
also the height
of the criminal.Copy !req
1360. He's about my height.Copy !req
1361. And your heightCopy !req
1362. without the platform shoes.Copy !req
1363. And there's
one other thing, sir.Copy !req
1364. You're a crack shot.Copy !req
1365. Endlessly fascinating,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
1366. But as Lieutenant Lucerne
would say,Copy !req
1367. "Where there is no proof,
there is no criminal."Copy !req
1368. Fascinating,
notwithstanding.Copy !req
1369. But I think, sir,
I have the proof.Copy !req
1370. Here.Copy !req
1371. What proof?Copy !req
1372. Lieutenant, there are
no fingerprints on that gun.Copy !req
1373. You said so yourself
this morning.Copy !req
1374. This has been a rather silly
demonstration, Lieutenant.Copy !req
1375. Well, you're absolutely right
again, sir.Copy !req
1376. The killer cleaned the gun
of all incriminating prints.Copy !req
1377. But the thing is,
he forgot something.Copy !req
1378. Forgot what?Copy !req
1379. Well, sir, you know that
this gun was only
used as a prop.Copy !req
1380. So, of course, it was
never filled with
anything but blanks.Copy !req
1381. That is,
until you stole it, sir.Copy !req
1382. And in order to
kill Mrs. Daley,Copy !req
1383. you had to remove the blanks
and insert real bullets.Copy !req
1384. There were no prints
on the gunCopy !req
1385. because you
wiped the gun clean, sir.Copy !req
1386. But there is a reason
that the lab report
took so long.Copy !req
1387. You remembered
to clean the gun.Copy !req
1388. But you didn't remember
to do the same thing
with the bullets.Copy !req
1389. Damn!Copy !req
1390. I had to forget something.Copy !req
1391. That's always
how the third act ends.Copy !req
1392. You see, I've had
no rehearsal as a murderer.Copy !req
1393. I'm, after all, a detective.Copy !req
1394. Yes, sir, butCopy !req
1395. you did kill Claire Daley,
didn't you, sir?Copy !req
1396. She was a blackmailer.Copy !req
1397. And I killed her.Copy !req
1398. And up to now,
I'm glad I killed her.Copy !req
1399. And I believe
that in this killingCopy !req
1400. the murderer
has the sympathetic part.Copy !req
1401. Does that satisfy you?Copy !req
1402. Yes, sir.
That satisfies me.Copy !req
1403. Lieutenant, you would do me
an enormous favorCopy !req
1404. if you stopped calling me sir.Copy !req