Columbo 1x2

1. Les, I'll tape a memo for you

2. on the Bronson matter tomorrow.

3. As far as that Delthorne Corporation suit is concerned,

4. they've got me.

5. As far as I can see, they're holding firm.

6. They want $300,000

7. and they want delivery tomorrow night.

8. They've got me.

9. Oh, Leslie, I thought...

10. Hello, Pat?

11. Leslie.

12. Uh, listen, about our tennis date...

13. Yeah, I know I've been very forgetful lately.

14. Uh, Pat, please, call me at the office tomorrow

15. at 12:15, sharp.

16. Just say "tennis,"

17. and I'll remember to put it on my office calendar.

18. All right, Pat. Good-bye.

19. When did you sustain these injuries, Mr. Crowell?

20. This September 16, Friday, 8:30 in the evening.

21. You were admitted to a hospital

22. for emergency care on that night?

23. Yes, I was. St. John's Hospital, Santa Monica.

24. Your Honor, I'd like to introduce

25. these hospital records as Exhibit "A".

26. Mr. Crowell, what was the extent

27. of your injuries due to your fall?

28. My back was hurt real bad.

29. Objection, Your Honor.

30. The plaintiff is not competent

31. to give expert medical testimony.

32. Sustained.

33. I would like to introduce Exhibit "B,"

34. a full Doctor's report on the plaintiff's condition

35. showing damage to the lumbar region of the spine

36. with concomitant nerve damage,

37. resulting in partial paralysis to the left side of his body.

38. Did you find out anything?

39. No one's seen or heard from him since he left Phoenix.

40. Did you check the hospitals?

41. I've had Nancy calling all morning. Not a thing.

42. What about the police?

43. Zero. Shall we...

44. Let me think about it for a while.

45. Objection. irrelevant and immaterial.

46. Sustained. The answer may go out.

47. Shall we put out a missing person's report?

48. I'll do it myself after lunch.

49. How goes it here?

50. We have a nice middle-class jury.

51. They dislike the insurance companies,

52. second only to their distaste,

53. for working-class people. Your witness.

54. Mr. Crowell, you are a punch press operator,

55. is that correct? Yes.

56. Have you ever been on welfare before?

57. Objection.

58. Sustained.

59. That night that you fell down the stairs

60. in the defendant's apartment house,

61. where had you been prior to your accident?

62. At a café across the street.

63. In point of fact, Mr. Crowell,

64. according to the bartender there,

65. you had at least three drinks and no dinner

66. before you left the café

67. and returned to your apartment.

68. And not being able to see

69. the stairwell steps properly, you fell.

70. Objection, Your Honor. Counsel is testifying

71. and assuming facts not in evidence.

72. The plaintiff alleges the stairs were improperly lit.

73. Although the plaintiff may well have been.

74. Objection, Your Honor.

75. Sustained.

76. Court will be recessed until 1 o'clock.

77. I've convinced my client to discuss

78. a possible settlement.

79. I'm sure you have.

80. My office, 10 minutes?

81. Mine, at 12:30.

82. It looks good.

83. Very good.

84. I'll get your insurance company off the hook cheaply this time.

85. I've been all over that building of yours

86. and you better start maintaining minimum safety standards,

87. or the next time, somebody may get killed.

88. Thank you.

89. Hi, Mrs. Williams. Michael.

90. Have you heard anything?

91. There's still no word from Mr. Williams.

92. I've tried everywhere.

93. Thank you, Nancy. Bring in your pad.

94. We'd better outline a settlement.

95. He'll be here soon.

96. What time do you have, Michael?

97. 12:15.

98. Uh, Les, they're asking 150,000.

99. My guess is that he'll say that his client is ill and needs cash

100. and offer to settle for half.

101. We'll tell him that his client is losing

102. and that he'll take what he can get,

103. which is nuisance value at $10,000.

104. That's hitting him pretty hard.

105. I'll get it.

106. Yes?

107. Les? One word: tennis.

108. Yes.

109. Don't forget.

110. What? Who is this?

111. Hello?

112. Hello?

113. What is it?

114. You better call the police.

115. That man on the phone said he's got my husband.

116. I want men posted here and here.

117. But keep them out of sight.

118. I don't want a lot of worried neighbors

119. calling the police every 5 minutes.

120. Mr. Carlson.

121. Hoffman, this is Carlson.

122. We don't want any press leaks on this.

123. Now listen, I don't want to have

124. to add up all the favors you owe me

125. and I'm sure you don't want me to either.

126. Right.

127. We'll stay out of the papers

128. for the time being, Mrs. Williams.

129. Thank you.

130. Is that tap-in ready?

131. No, not quite yet, sir.

132. We'll be able to monitor.

133. Any phone calls that come in through this, Mrs. Williams.

134. Will you be able to trace the calls?

135. Maybe. Unfortunately, the kidnapper is usually

136. smart enough to keep the call short

137. so we won't have the time.

138. But with this tape, we can make voice prints at the lab.

139. That sometimes gives us

140. a lead on making identifications.

141. There's something I have to ask you.

142. I want you to be completely honest with me.

143. Of course.

144. After I pay the ransom,

145. what are the chances of my getting my husband back?

146. All right, I'll be honest with you, Mrs. Williams.

147. There's no way of knowing.

148. All we can do is hope for the best.

149. We'll do everything we possibly can.

150. Oh, of course, you will. I know that.

151. Look, Mrs. Williams.

152. Let's try to take an optimistic point of view on this, hmm?

153. He's probably just fine.

154. You'll have him with you in another 24 hours.

155. That's— That's all I want.

156. Excuse me.

157. Carlson. Yes, I'll hold.

158. Uh, Mrs. Williams?

159. Yes?

160. Uh, Lt. Columbo, local police.

161. I, uh, seem to have

162. dropped my pen out here somewhere.

163. Just a minute.

164. Would you like some help?

165. Oh, no, that won't be necessary. Thank you very much.

166. I'll— I'll just take another quick look. Uh...

167. I can get a flashlight.

168. Oh, really, don't bother. It's all right.

169. I, uh— I've got some matches.

170. It's no trouble.

171. Oh, really, it's not that important,

172. it's just a pen.

173. You see, it was engraved, that was the only reason.

174. But I'll buy another one, and I'll have that one engraved.

175. You see, the pen itself was worthless. Uh...

176. Is that it? Where?

177. There. Oh.

178. No. No?

179. Is everything all right, Mrs. Williams?

180. Lt. Columbo's lost his pen.

181. Oh, listen, don't bother him about it.

182. Lt. Columbo?

183. Oh, yes. How do you do? How are you?

184. Uh, Mrs. Williams, I think that

185. we can forget about the pen now.

186. Would you like me to get you a flashlight?

187. I offered him—

188. No, really, it's not that important.

189. That last call was from the police.

190. They found your husband's car.

191. Was there any sign of violence?

192. None whatsoever.

193. How do you suppose they stopped it?

194. The car was found near a stop sign.

195. So we assume that when your husband

196. pulled up to the intersection,

197. the kidnappers found the opportunity.

198. Um, Mr. Carlson,

199. there's a gentleman here to see you.

200. Oh, Lieutenant

201. Yes, gentlemen, this is Lt. Columbo,

202. our local police liaison.

203. How do you do?

204. As I was saying, the stop sign suggests that...

205. ls there something we can do for you, Lieutenant?

206. Uh, well, I dropped by to tell you

207. that they found the car.

208. We already have that information.

209. I can see that.

210. How's the tap-in coming?

211. Not yet.

212. Feel perfectly free to stay if you like, Lieutenant.

213. Oh, thank you very much.

214. Jerry, I'd like you to get a man,

215. check out the houses in the area where the car was found.

216. Somebody may have seen something or heard something last night.

217. Start from Sunset and work your way up.

218. Oh, and, Hammond, be sure to get the lab report

219. on the briefcase

220. and the luggage found in the car.

221. Mr. Carlson, do you suppose

222. that the kidnappers followed him

223. all the way from Phoenix?

224. Well, I doubt that, Mrs. Williams.

225. But they must have known when he left Phoenix.

226. Was there a ransom note?

227. That's what makes us think they may have had someone there

228. checking out the time of departure.

229. You see, if that's true,

230. they could notify their confederates there. Sir?

231. Hmm?

232. Uh, the Lieutenant would like to see the ransom note.

233. Oh-oh, certainly.

234. Do you know exactly what time

235. your husband would have left Phoenix?

236. I, um...

237. Excuse me. May I see the envelope, please?

238. Oh, surely

239. No, no.

240. L-I didn't, neither did anyone in my office.

241. Hammond, which police garage

242. would they have taken the car to?

243. Downtown.

244. I'll arrange for our people to run a set of fingerprints.

245. You know, strange thing, Mrs. Williams.

246. When you look at the route

247. that your husband must have taken,

248. the best place would've been here...

249. What is that, an aerial map?

250. Mm-hmm in your own neighborhood.

251. Oh, I see.

252. The streets are dark, secluded.

253. What's it for?

254. Excuse me.

255. Well, it came with the instructions

256. from the kidnappers.

257. Oh, they sent instructions? Oh, yeah.

258. What were they?

259. Well, Mrs. Williams is to fly alone,

260. north along this highway.

261. Once she reaches this point on the map,

262. she takes a heading out across the desert.

263. Exactly.

264. There'll be a flashing light signal right about there,

265. and the money is to be dropped in a bag.

266. The usual warnings, no cops.

267. Right.

268. When is the drop?

269. Well, that we don't know.

270. But like it says, they'll call us tonight.

271. Now listen, Miller.

272. The victim's car has been picked up by the LAPD.

273. They've got it in the downtown garage.

274. That's right.

275. What I want you to do is run a fingerprint check

276. on it for us, will you?

277. You fly a plane?

278. Yes.

279. By yourself?

280. Yes.

281. No kidding?

282. No kidding.

283. Yeah, they'll probably give you a little static, but...

284. We're going on the basis

285. that the victim crossed the state line.

286. Excuse me.

287. How's it going?

288. Fine, fine.

289. Be through in a few minutes.

290. Working out of Phoenix as well as here.

291. We'll have to wait till he gets off the phone

292. before we can check it out.

293. Fascinating.

294. Right. Well, you let me know if you have any problems.

295. Right.

296. Can I help you, Lieutenant?

297. Oh, no, just browsing.

298. For anything in particular?

299. No.

300. Because if there's anything you'd like,

301. I'd be only too happy to help.

302. Oh. Thank you very much.

303. Uh, Mrs. Williams.

304. Yes?

305. Men's room?

306. Oh, the powder room is up those steps,

307. down the hall and first door on your right.

308. Have you got that?

309. Yeah, I got it.

310. First door on your right

311. It'll be ready in a minute, Mr. Carlson.

312. Good.

313. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

314. Perfect.

315. House is cold.

316. I must say, Mrs. Williams,

317. you're bearing up through this very well indeed.

318. Oh.

319. It may seem like it, but if it weren't for you...

320. Well, that's very kind of you, Mrs. Williams,

321. but we just do what we can. That's all.

322. You're very modest.

323. Tell me, do you think that you'll find any trace of

324. fingerprints in the car?

325. Frankly, I doubt it.

326. Well, it's a very professional, well-planned operation.

327. See, they knew

328. what time your husband was coming from out of town.

329. They know about your flying a plane.

330. No, I think the only fingerprints we'll find

331. will be your husband's

332. and yours, of course.

333. Did you find it, Lieutenant?

334. Oh, yes, very well. Thank you.

335. Mm-hmm.

336. Listen, I've got to tell you, Mrs. Williams,

337. that, uh, you've got some beautiful place here.

338. You just make yourself at home.

339. Say,

340. you know the soap you have in the bathroom,

341. the ones shaped like little lemons?

342. Yes.

343. Well, I was almost afraid to use him.

344. But that's what they're there for,

345. Lieutenant, to be used.

346. Well, if you don't mind my asking,

347. when you use one and you put it back in the plate,

348. how do you keep it from sticking to the others?

349. It's a problem.

350. That's what I figured.

351. Think of that— Do you know what I think?

352. I think since we're all going to be waiting here that

353. I'm going to fix us all dinner.

354. Oh, that won't be necessary, Mrs. Williams.

355. We can have something sent in.

356. Oh, please, let me do it. It will keep me busy.

357. All right, thank you.

358. Uh, Mrs. Williams.

359. Yes?

360. Don't you have any live-in servants?

361. Yes.

362. Oh, why, it must be the same problem everywhere.

363. If you want something done, you got to do it yourself.

364. How is that, Lieutenant? Huh?

365. Oh, I was just saying,

366. you know, you pay a lot of money for help

367. and you end up doing the cooking.

368. Well, you see, my housekeeper's been on vacation

369. for the last week, so.

370. Oh.

371. Oh, I see then, so you've been here alone?

372. Well, listen, if there's,

373. I mean, anything I can do to help,

374. peel potatoes, whatever, you just feel free.

375. Oh, oh, you'll— you'll be the first to know.

376. Les?

377. Mrs. Williams.

378. Hello?

379. Les?

380. Paul?

381. They've got me. They want $300,000.

382. When?

383. Tomorrow night. Just follow instructions

384. Paul? Paul!

385. Play it back. Make sure we got all of it.

386. That's the spot.

387. From this point on the highway to here

388. it's over 150 miles of desert.

389. There's no way we can cover all of it.

390. Hello?

391. Les?

392. - Paul? - They've got me.

393. They want $300,000. When?

394. Tomorrow night. Just follow instructions.

395. I'm not going to take any chances with my husband's life!

396. Well, there's nothing to worry about, Mrs. Williams.

397. We'll arrange to have you followed by a helicopter.

398. Give you plenty of room.

399. Oh, I know you will. I'm sorry.

400. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that.

401. It's quite all right, Mrs. Williams.

402. We understand how you feel.

403. I think I'll go upstairs.

404. I'll be in my room if you want me.

405. That's a good idea.

406. We'll be covering the place all night,

407. so you rest easy.

408. All right. That's it for tonight, fellas.

409. Let's wrap it up and go home, huh?

410. I'll get this tape to the lab right away.

411. Goodnight, sir. Goodnight.

412. Goodnight. Goodnight.

413. Check with you in the morning.

414. All right.

415. Well, Lieutenant, I guess that's it for tonight.

416. Lieutenant?

417. Let's call it a night, huh?

418. Oh.

419. Hey, sorry.

420. Thinking and...

421. Unique woman.

422. What's that?

423. Oh, you see, she's an exceptional woman.

424. Oh.

425. What do you mean?

426. Well, when the phone rang, you know, she ran to the phone,

427. she picked up the receiver and, uh...

428. She never asked her-her-her husband if he was all right.

429. I don't see anything strange about that.

430. The woman was frightened She was under stress.

431. That's right, yes. She—

432. She was. She was under stress. Right.

433. See, I just can't help thinking though, but

434. if I was in the hands of kidnappers

435. and my wife didn't ask me if I was okay,

436. I'd think about that.

437. What's your point, Lieutenant? Point?

438. No, no, no, no point,

439. just that she's a unique person.

440. Goodnight, Lieutenant.

441. Yeah, goodnight, goodnight.

442. Now, if you'll just initial here

443. and sign here on all three copies.

444. Three hundred thousand dollars, all yours.

445. We got all the serial numbers? Yes, sir.

446. The bank was very cooperative in helping us mark the money.

447. Well, we certainly appreciate your help.

448. You're welcome.

449. Apart from your savings,

450. trust accounts and municipal bonds,

451. we naturally were forced to sell all of your stocks

452. at a considerable loss.

453. I'm sorry, but there was no other alternative.

454. I know that, Mr. Perkins,

455. but this is no time to worry about money.

456. Of course, Mrs. Williams I brought a bag, Mrs. Williams.

457. Oh, thank you.

458. That won't be necessary. I have a bag.

459. All right. This should do it.

460. If you don't need me any longer. Gentlemen.

461. Thanks again.

462. Mrs. Williams.

463. We've got a priority clearance

464. on that air corridor marked on the map.

465. You'll be all by yourself.

466. What about you?

467. Well, we'll be holding a position

468. about 2 miles behind you.

469. You promised to keep your people clear of the area.

470. The highway patrol units all have their instructions.

471. If they spot a car picking up the money,

472. they just make an identification and then will let it pass.

473. Chances are they'll get the money and clear out

474. before anyone gets a chance to get near them,

475. so I wouldn't worry too much about that, Mrs. Williams.

476. I'm concerned about my husband's life.

477. Oh, of course.

478. If you gentlemen will excuse me, I'll change.

479. All set, Mrs. Williams?

480. I'm ready.

481. All right. Let's go.

482. You ride in the rear.

483. Certainly, certainly.

484. When you want to talk, press this button.

485. Want to listen, just release it.

486. 8-3-5-Romeo, takeoff.

487. You're clear, 8-3-5-Romeo.

488. What was that?

489. What was what?

490. I think there's something wrong with the motor.

491. Take it easy, Lieutenant. Everything's just fine.

492. This is 8-3-5-Romeo, 3-5-Romeo.

493. We read you, 8-3-5-Romeo.

494. Am approaching northbound freeway

495. and descending to 1,000 feet

496. Airspeed at 150.

497. We're holding a position on your heading,

498. airspeed 150.

499. Right.

500. How much further is it?

501. How much further is it?

502. How much further is it?

503. She'll notify us

504. as she approaches the Palmdale turnoff.

505. Is that near?

506. Well, do you see that highway down there to your right?

507. Yes, I do.

508. Well, she'll be heading off across the desert

509. from the next coordinates.

510. Oh, good.

511. This is 3-5-Romeo. Approaching coordinates.

512. Begin new heading 20 degrees northwest.

513. We read you.

514. Airspeed at 150.

515. This is 33-Foxtrot to all ground units.

516. We're approaching the Palmdale turnoff.

517. Maintain radio silence

518. until visual contact is established.

519. Right.

520. This is 8-3-5-Romeo, 3-5-Romeo.

521. Have established visual contact with light

522. at spot access road by coordinates 28.

523. We read you.

524. Circling now to make drop.

525. This is 33-Foxtrot

526. to special highway patrol units 12 and 22.

527. Move toward access road near map coordinates 28.

528. Drop completed. Over and out.

529. They got it.

530. Any sign of them?

531. No, sir.

532. There's a highway only a half mile that way

533. with a lot of heavy traffic.

534. They must have gotten lost in that before we even got here.

535. Well, we knew that going in, didn't we?

536. Mr. Carlson?

537. Want to look at this?

538. All right. Let's go home.

539. Lieutenant? Lt. Columbo!

540. Let's go!

541. Hey, Lieutenant. Lieutenant, I'll take that.

542. Are you coming, Lieutenant?

543. Uh, no. Why don't you go ahead?

544. I'm gonna take a little walk, clear my head.

545. You know what I mean?

546. All right.

547. How is my father?

548. What are you doing here?

549. How is he?

550. Have you heard from him?

551. No, not yet.

552. But you paid the kidnappers the ransom money.

553. When will they bring him back?

554. We don't know

555. I, uh...

556. I wasn't expecting you.

557. After I got your cable,

558. I caught the first plane out of Zurich.

559. There was only a 30-minute layover.

560. You didn't have to come.

561. What you mean is, you didn't want me to.

562. What I mean is that there's nothing for you to do here.

563. Let's drop the polite charade, Leslie.

564. I hate you as much as you hate me.

565. Maybe more.

566. And you don't have to play the martyred stepmother

567. to me anymore. I've outgrown that.

568. So you see, all the expensive education in Switzerland

569. isn't a total loss.

570. Margaret, we're both tired and we're both upset.

571. I'm sure neither of us wants to say anything they don't mean

572. or that we may be sorry for later.

573. Why don't we get some sleep?

574. Tomorrow may be a long day.

575. Margaret, I'm worried.

576. I love him, too.

577. I haven't been able to sleep.

578. I'm terribly nervous.

579. Margaret, I'm afraid.

580. I don't want anything to happen to him.

581. I know. I know.

582. Don't worry. Don't worry.

583. What kind of insurance

584. could he have?

585. Enough to cover

586. Doctors and hospital bills.

587. Say, 125 a week cash benefit.

588. Around 50,000 capital sum.

589. Capital sum? What's that?

590. In case he gets killed.

591. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

592. I suppose you have to think of everything in your business.

593. Well, your husband would understand.

594. I'm sure I could sell him.

595. On the idea of some accident protection.

596. Why don't I talk to him about it?

597. You could try, but he's pretty tough going.

598. Oh, they're all tough at first.

599. He has a lot on his mind.

600. He doesn't seem to want to listen to anything

601. except maybe the baseball game on the radio.

602. A little early for the late show?

603. Sometimes we sit here all evening

604. and never say a word to each other.

605. Sounds pretty dull.

606. So I just sit and knit.

607. Is that what you're waiting for?

608. No calls?

609. Except to say they haven't heard anything.

610. They've got fuzz of some kind out on the street,

611. watching the house.

612. Federal agents.

613. And there's nothing in the paper about daddy or the kidnappers.

614. No. We've kept it out of the press.

615. And off the radio and the television.

616. I was waiting for the news.

617. Where are you going?

618. I have a date in court.

619. How can you do that?

620. I mean, how can you function?

621. Seems like a strange time to play lady lawyer.

622. Someday, when you take on responsibilities,

623. you'll find out that you don't always have a choice,

624. that you have to function, no matter what.

625. I guess I'm lucky I'm still irresponsible,

626. because all I can think about is my father.

627. No more than I.

628. Why don't you try to occupy yourself

629. with something, Margaret?

630. I mean something besides television

631. and running up overseas telephone bills.

632. You might find that it'll pass the time more quickly.

633. I'll call you the moment I hear anything.

634. Leslie. Good luck.

635. With your case.

636. Thank you, Margaret.

637. Good afternoon. I sell accident insurance on husbands.

638. You got one that's been around too long?

639. One you'd like to turn into cash?

640. Just give me a smile and I'll help you collect?

641. Boy, what a dope you must think I am.

642. I think you're rotten.

643. I think you're swell,

644. so long as I'm not your husband.

645. Get out of here.

646. You bet I'll get out of here, baby.

647. I'll get out of here, but quick.

648. Now when their attorney cross-examines

649. you about the accident,

650. cry.

651. About what?

652. Everything.

653. Especially when he asks you how fast you were going

654. when you hit their car.

655. Excuse me. Just sit down there.

656. Give me the brief, Michael.

657. Ah. Les.

658. Have you found my husband?

659. Can we talk to you privately for a moment?

660. You can tell me here.

661. I think we'd better speak privately.

662. Just tell me, did you find my husband?

663. Please, Mrs. Williams.

664. Will you tell me? Is he all right?

665. Your husband is dead, Mrs. Williams

666. Oh.

667. Are you all right, Mrs. Williams?

668. Give me a moment.

669. Can we get you a Doctor?

670. Yes.

671. I'll arrange to have you driven home.

672. Get my bag and things.

673. I'm very sorry.

674. I know.

675. Lieutenant.

676. Uh,

677. did she ask where the body was?

678. No.

679. I didn't think so.

680. Oh, listen, one more thing, Mr. Carlson.

681. She didn't, uh, ask how her husband was killed, did she?

682. No.

683. That's what I thought.

684. All right, Lieutenant, what's bothering you now?

685. No, nothing.

686. No, come on. Something's bothering you.

687. No, it's just that up until now,

688. you know, she was very cool and she was very composed

689. and she suddenly fell apart in front of other people.

690. I don't see anything so strange about that?

691. No? Convenient maybe?

692. Conven... Look, Columbo,

693. if you think she had something to do with the kidnapping,

694. just come out and say so.

695. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.

696. You asked me what was bothering me and I told you.

697. Let's understand this one thing.

698. If you start harassing this woman,

699. I'm going to take it upstairs.

700. Uh, just one minute, Mr. Carlson.

701. You see, it's like this.

702. This is not just a kidnapping. This is a murder now.

703. And I kind of figure that's my department.

704. I'll see you around.

705. I gave Margaret an injection, put her to bed.

706. She'll be asleep soon.

707. Oh, good.

708. Take two of those before you go to bed.

709. They'll put you out all night long.

710. Thank you. I can't thank you enough.

711. Really, all of you. I...

712. We'll let you get some rest now.

713. You're so brave. Thank you.

714. Call me if you need me.

715. I will, I will.

716. Goodnight, darling. See you tomorrow.

717. Goodnight. Thank you.

718. Take care of yourself. Bye.

719. Mrs. Williams, we'll be keeping a man on the house

720. for the next few days.

721. Is there anything else we can do?

722. No, thank you.

723. Goodnight. Goodnight.

724. Let us pray.

725. O Lord, we implore you to grant this mercy

726. to your dead servant,

727. that he who held fast to your will by his intentions

728. may not receive punishment in return for his deeds.

729. So as the true faith united him

730. with the throng of the faithful on earth,

731. your mercy may unite him

732. with the company of the choirs of angels

733. in heaven through Christ our Lord.

734. Eternal rest grant upon him, O Lord,

735. and let perpetual light shine upon him.

736. May he rest in peace.

737. May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,

738. through the mercy of God,

739. rest in peace.

740. My deepest sympathy to you, Mrs. Williams.

741. Thank you.

742. I pray you be comforted. Thank you.

743. God's peace be with you.

744. Leslie.

745. Yes, Margaret.

746. This is what you wanted, isn't it?

747. Are you all right?

748. I'm all right.

749. I'm all right. It's nothing.

750. I'm all right.

751. Are you all right?

752. Yes. Thank you.

753. Who are you?

754. I'm Lt. Columbo. I'm from the local police.

755. If there's ever anything you want,

756. you're not alone. Margaret.

757. Remember, I'm always available.

758. You'd better come. They're waiting for you.

759. I see now what you mean about her,

760. Les. She's spoiled and completely selfish.

761. No, Pat. You can't blame her.

762. Paul and I both indulged her too much, I guess.

763. It was our fault, really.

764. If she were mine, stepdaughter or not,

765. I would kick her out right now without a dime.

766. Oh, Pat, I think Les should get some rest.

767. Yes, I think so, too.

768. Too much money...

769. So sad.

770. You've got to make her grow up, Les.

771. Are you all right?

772. Yes, I am. Thank you very much.

773. Good-bye, Leslie. Good-bye.

774. Oh, I have to tell you

775. how much I appreciate everything.

776. You have been such good friends.

777. Paul loved you.

778. He loved you all. So do I.

779. Good-bye, Leslie. We love you.

780. I'll call tomorrow. Okay.

781. Margaret!

782. Margaret, come down here, please.

783. I know you're up there listening,

784. so you might as well come down.

785. You called, mother dear?

786. I think we'd better have a talk.

787. Of course, mother dear.

788. Margaret, I'm willing

789. to overlook the incident at the cemetery.

790. I'll write it off to adolescent hysteria.

791. But I'm in no mood to tolerate

792. any further outbursts, sarcasm, anything.

793. Of course.

794. You're making it very difficult for us to live together.

795. I think you should go back to school this weekend.

796. The school doesn't open for another month.

797. There's nobody there.

798. You have friends in Paris. Visit them.

799. Leslie, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here.

800. Why?

801. It's my home, too!

802. Margaret, while we're on the subject of school,

803. I think we better talk about something else.

804. Like what? Finances.

805. Your father,

806. well, your father and I have kept you very sheltered

807. from our financial affairs,

808. but now I think that you are ready to face certain realities.

809. I have my own trust account.

810. You did. I won't bore you with the details,

811. but since you're a minor,

812. your father and I had joint control of that account.

813. What happened to it?

814. In order to pay the ransom,

815. I was forced to close that account out

816. along with everything else that we had.

817. You're trying to tell me that we're broke. Is that it?

818. No. It's not as bad as all that.

819. My law practice and the firm will provide us with enough

820. to keep us off the streets of Beverly Hills.

821. But there will have to be certain re-adjustments.

822. You mean my allowance.

823. That's a very good example.

824. How much of a "re-adjustment"?

825. I don't know. I'll have to see what I can come up with.

826. I'll let you know.

827. In the meantime, while you're here

828. for the next couple of weeks,

829. why don't you try to find yourself a job,

830. pick up some extra cash?

831. Might come in handy.

832. May I help you?

833. Lt. Columbo. I had an appointment

834. Oh, of course. My goodness, you're early.

835. I know.

836. How'd you get in?

837. Oh, the janitor was nice enough to let me in.

838. Mrs. Williams should be here in a moment.

839. She's never late for an appointment.

840. Oh, really? Me, I got this terrible habit,

841. I'm always early.

842. Whenever I have to be anywhere, I get there ahead of time.

843. What, you a legal secretary?

844. Believe it or not, I'm an attorney.

845. I'm called an associate

846. which means that since the secretary phoned in sick,

847. I have to fill in.

848. I don't know how you do it.

849. Do what?

850. Work for a woman.

851. Oh, it doesn't bother me.

852. It just so happens that she's one of the best trial

853. attorneys in this state.

854. Good morning.

855. Good morning. Have I kept you waiting?

856. Uh, no, I was early. Oh, good.

857. Well, won't you come in?

858. Shall I hold the calls?

859. Please, Michael.

860. I'm sorry to bother you

861. on your first day back and all, but...

862. Oh, that's all right, Lieutenant.

863. I understand the federal people

864. haven't come up with anything.

865. No, nothing, not a word, not a clue.

866. Say,

867. that's some telephone.

868. Yes.

869. What are you, uh... You big on gadgets, are you?

870. No.

871. I just happen to find that one a great help.

872. You see, say that I want to get in touch with a client

873. to be in court, say, Monday, for example.

874. I just tape a message

875. and this machine calls my client

876. and does it for me.

877. Oh, that's—

878. That's really something. Hmm.

879. You know, today they can do everything electronically,

880. I mean, if they wanted to.

881. I'd bet on that.

882. You don't mind if I take down the name of this, do you?

883. I mean, maybe I could

884. con the department into getting one for my office.

885. You have a pen? Oh, thank you.

886. These things, they really fascinate me.

887. You know, they got a new thing today,

888. uh, like if I want to take my wife to the ball game

889. I just dial this service

890. for the tickets.

891. And it's all done by the computer.

892. It's really, uh... It's unbelievable.

893. Hmm.

894. What did you want to see me about,

895. Lieutenant, exactly?

896. Uh, you see, Mrs. Williams, now that,

897. a murder has been committed, it's—

898. It's my job to look at this case from all possible angles.

899. I would think it would be your job to catch the kidnapper.

900. Oh, well, the federal agents are on that,

901. and, of course, we have our men on it, too.

902. Very reassuring.

903. Yes, it is, 'cause they do a fine job.

904. But, uh, you see, the thing is with me, uh,

905. I'm a strange guy.

906. Really? Yeah, I worry.

907. I mean, little things bother me. I'm a worrier.

908. I mean, little insignificant details,

909. I lose my appetite, I can't eat.

910. My wife, she says to me,

911. "You know, you can really be a pain."

912. You know what I mean?

913. Yeah, I get the general picture.

914. Why don't you get on with it?

915. Oh, yeah, sure, right.

916. Well, you see, there are certain things here

917. about your husband's kidnapping that

918. certain details that—

919. Does this lighter work?

920. Yes.

921. Boy, they really nag me.

922. Such as?

923. The bag for instance.

924. Which bag?

925. The one you dropped from the plane,

926. the one with the ransom money in it.

927. Oh, didn't I say which bag it was?

928. No, you didn't.

929. I'm sorry I thought I did.

930. What about the bag?

931. Well, I just thought it's funny

932. that whoever took the money out of the bag,

933. they didn't take the bag with them.

934. Well, what's so funny about that?

935. You figure a kidnapper,

936. he's afraid to get caught, right?

937. So he's not likely to stop,

938. open a bag, take the money out,

939. then run away and leave the bag behind.

940. Well, of course, you know more than I do, Lieutenant,

941. but don't people under stress

942. act more out of immediate emotion than logic?

943. That's absolutely true.

944. In fact, I'll go even further.

945. That's what does most criminals in, eventually.

946. Well, then isn't it safe to assume that, uh,

947. that they would open the bag to see

948. if the money was there?

949. And then, after they saw it,

950. out of fear or panic,

951. take the money out of the bag and run.

952. Yeah, that's probably right.

953. That's probably right. I'm sure that

954. it's right. I mean,

955. I don't mean to defend my point about the bag, but

956. I was just using that as an example

957. to show you the kind of person I am.

958. You understand how details bother me.

959. In other words,

960. I'm trying to show you a whatchamacallit of mine,

961. a...

962. An idiosyncrasy.

963. Right. Idiosyncrasy.

964. Gee, that's—

965. That's a good word.

966. Oh, one of the best.

967. Anything else?

968. Uh, no.

969. No, I guess, that's it.

970. Listen, I, uh,

971. I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

972. I really appreciate that.

973. It certainly helped

974. straighten things out in my mind.

975. Hmm. Anytime, Lieutenant.

976. Thank you again.

977. Oh.

978. What, something else?

979. I don't know what's the matter with me.

980. One other thing,

981. the angle of the bullet.

982. What about it?

983. Well, the bullet entered your husband's body

984. at a 45-degree angle.

985. What's the significance in that?

986. Well, that means that your husband was standing

987. and

988. see the way you're standing?

989. Oh, Leslie, I thought...

990. Just the way you're standing

991. You see just the way you're standing.

992. And the killer was sitting

993. just the way I am.

994. And from this position

995. the killer shot him.

996. I'm sorry, I...

997. Uh, would you, uh...

998. A little water on the table.

999. Thank you.

1000. I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you.

1001. That's all right. That's all right.

1002. Please, go on with what you were saying.

1003. Listen, I can come back another time.

1004. Mm-mmm. No.

1005. Really, I'm all right. I want to hear.

1006. Are you sure you're all right?

1007. Mm-hmm.

1008. There's not much else to say about it.

1009. It's just—

1010. It's just another one of those things

1011. that bothers me.

1012. I mean,

1013. what was your husband doing?

1014. Was he just standing there

1015. while some guy sitting down shot him?

1016. Well, at this point, uh,

1017. there's no way of really knowing what happened,

1018. is there?

1019. Right. You're right about that.

1020. Right. That's...

1021. But the other thing, now is peculiar.

1022. Something else?

1023. Your husband, he was shot with a 22-caliber revolver.

1024. So?

1025. Well, most criminals, they use a 32, maybe a 38.

1026. But this one was different?

1027. It sure was.

1028. And I tried to figure it.

1029. Why a 22?

1030. Hmm. That's interesting.

1031. Yes, you see, that is interesting.

1032. What if he wanted to fire into someone

1033. and be reasonably certain

1034. that the bullet didn't have the velocity

1035. to go through the body?

1036. But why?

1037. Because he didn't want any trace of the crime

1038. in the room where he shot him.

1039. Well, you've given these details

1040. of yours a lot of thought, Lieutenant.

1041. Listen, I know all these things don't seem like much.

1042. Put them all together, one of top of the other,

1043. and I'm telling you,

1044. that kidnapping just doesn't add up.

1045. Let me understand you correctly.

1046. Are you implying that this was perhaps

1047. not an ordinary kidnapping?

1048. That's right. That's interesting, isn't it?

1049. Now what if someone set out to murder your husband

1050. and he only made it look like a kidnapping?

1051. And so the ransom money, all that was a setup.

1052. Yes! That's possible.

1053. Look how that throws us off.

1054. We're looking for kidnappers that don't exist

1055. and in the meantime,

1056. the real killer is so close-by, we can't even see him.

1057. And all these little details of yours fall into place,

1058. the angle of the gun?

1059. Exactly.

1060. Shot by someone he knew

1061. while the murderer was sitting down.

1062. Caliber of the bullet.

1063. Right.

1064. Killed in a room where he didn't want to leave any traces.

1065. No bullet holes in the wall, for example.

1066. The empty bag?

1067. That's a puzzler.

1068. I can't figure that one out yet.

1069. Lieutenant, in all honesty,

1070. I must tell you you have collected

1071. one of the most absurd hypotheses

1072. I have ever heard.

1073. Nothing that you said proves anything

1074. one way or another.

1075. I know that. I'm not a lawyer,

1076. and maybe my theories are not as good as they should be.

1077. But, Mrs. Williams,

1078. I've been a cop for a long, long time

1079. and after a few years, believe me,

1080. the old nose gets to be pretty good.

1081. What do you want from me?

1082. You know how you could help?

1083. If you would just talk to me about your husband yourself,

1084. then maybe I can come up with somebody,

1085. a business associate, a friend, who knows,

1086. but somebody

1087. who might have a motive to kill him.

1088. And if you can't?

1089. Federal men are working on the kidnapping.

1090. There's no harm done.

1091. Lieutenant, I don't hold with this

1092. murder theory of yours.

1093. Mrs. Williams,

1094. you're perfectly within your rights.

1095. Lieutenant, let me finish.

1096. But I will do whatever I can to help you.

1097. Whoever it was killed my husband,

1098. for whatever reason, I want him found.

1099. I was hoping you'd say that.

1100. Michael, Lt. Columbo and I will be at the airport

1101. if you need us.

1102. Why will we be there?

1103. I try to get in a few hours flying

1104. at least two days a week and this is one of those days.

1105. Besides, I feel as if I want to get away from here.

1106. Come with me. We'll talk.

1107. Where, in a plane?

1108. Lieutenant, are you afraid of flying?

1109. Well, it's, uh...

1110. It's not one of my favorite pastimes.

1111. It's a great release for me being up here, Lieutenant.

1112. All alone, totally free.

1113. I do some of my best thinking up here.

1114. No kidding?

1115. No kidding.

1116. Mrs. Williams? Hmm?

1117. Would you not do that?

1118. You're nervous.

1119. No offense.

1120. I'm like this in a car.

1121. I'm always nervous when I'm not driving.

1122. Would you like to take over?

1123. I beg your pardon?

1124. I could teach you

1125. how to handle the plane in an hour.

1126. Oh, yes, well, really, that would be wasted on me.

1127. I don't intend to fly again.

1128. You make me feel terrible.

1129. Flying is a wonderful experience.

1130. I've ruined it for you.

1131. No, you haven't. I've never been crazy about flying actually.

1132. That's because you've never done it.

1133. What we don't know, we fear

1134. Take the controls.

1135. No, I'd rather not, thank you.

1136. Try it I want you to feel what happens.

1137. Really, that's very, very kind of you

1138. and I appreciate that.

1139. Why don't you just describe it to me?

1140. I want to show you how easy it is, Lieutenant.

1141. Are you ready?

1142. Ready for what?

1143. Here we go.

1144. Here.

1145. You take the controls.

1146. That's a mountain up ahead.

1147. What do I do?

1148. Turn the wheel to the left.

1149. Keep your feet off the rudder pedal.

1150. Pull back on the wheel, Lieutenant

1151. No, no. Not too much. Not too much.

1152. You've over corrected. Keep the plane's nose up.

1153. You have to treat the plane like a woman.

1154. You have to treat her gently.

1155. You have to treat her very gently.

1156. See? Watch out for that peak.

1157. Pull it up. Pull it up.

1158. Come on, Lieutenant. Up, up,

1159. up. Pull it up.

1160. That was brilliant, Lieutenant.

1161. You're gonna make an ace pilot.

1162. There.

1163. Like it?

1164. I'd appreciate it if we didn't talk for a while.

1165. Sure.

1166. Can you talk yet?

1167. Not yet.

1168. Ready?

1169. Okay.

1170. Ask me anything,

1171. I'll try to help you any way I can.

1172. Did you ever teach your husband how to fly?

1173. Ah, no. He wouldn't learn.

1174. Any other questions?

1175. Um, well, Mrs. Williams,

1176. did your husband have any personal enemies?

1177. He didn't have any personal enemies.

1178. Everyone admired my husband.

1179. And he was respected by his fellow attorneys.

1180. They elected him president of the local bar association

1181. for 5 consecutive years.

1182. But, you know, sometimes behind the applause,

1183. there might be somebody who's envious,

1184. somebody who resents all that success.

1185. If there was such a person, I never met him.

1186. What else?

1187. Yes?

1188. Um, this is not an easy question.

1189. You understand that?

1190. Go on.

1191. Did your husband ever have any relationships

1192. with any other women?

1193. My husband was never unfaithful to me.

1194. How do you know that? How can you be sure?

1195. Because he had a rigid code of ethics

1196. from which he never deviated.

1197. Must have been quite a man.

1198. There was nobody like him.

1199. I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you.

1200. No, it's all right.

1201. You've been of help.

1202. This is a process of elimination.

1203. You understand that?

1204. No other questions?

1205. No. No, I guess not.

1206. Then we'll head back.

1207. You all right?

1208. Oh, yeah.

1209. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

1210. Did you enjoy yourself?

1211. Well, it was, uh,

1212. it was quite an experience.

1213. Mm-hmm?

1214. I mean, I know what you mean

1215. now about relaxing up there,

1216. because when I first started out,

1217. I was very tense, but now...

1218. Anytime. Anytime, Lieutenant.

1219. Yeah.

1220. Uh, say,

1221. you know, I have this cousin, Ralph.

1222. His name is Ralph.

1223. Anyway, Ralph was the greatest at everything, you know?

1224. I mean, he thought better, he talked better,

1225. he made out better.

1226. Ralph was the greatest.

1227. But I mean, Ralph,

1228. boy, that Ralph was something,

1229. I'll tell you that. I'll never forget him.

1230. Uh, is there a point to this story, Lieutenant?

1231. A point?

1232. A point.

1233. No, I don't think there's a point, except—

1234. Well, maybe,

1235. you know, maybe what it was is that

1236. when you were talking about your husband in the plane,

1237. I guess that reminded me of Ralph.

1238. You see, because Ralph,

1239. he was a bore.

1240. I mean, he was so perfect,

1241. there were times I felt like killing him.

1242. Yes, well...

1243. I have to change now, Lieutenant.

1244. That's all, fellas.

1245. My mind is someplace else.

1246. Hey, Lieutenant.

1247. What do you say, Bert?

1248. Uh, what's the use of kicking?

1249. You know what's your trouble?

1250. You don't have much imagination.

1251. What do you mean by that?

1252. You always look at the menu

1253. and you always order chili.

1254. By God, you know, that's true.

1255. What'll it be?

1256. I'll have the chili, Bert.

1257. See what I mean?

1258. Well, look at it this way.

1259. You'll never be disappointed.

1260. Hey, you got something there.

1261. All right, bowl of chili.

1262. For the Lieutenant. Make it special.

1263. Lt. Columbo?

1264. Oh, yes? I'm Margaret Williams.

1265. You remember me?

1266. Oh, yes, of course.

1267. Yes, uh, I just didn't expect to see you here.

1268. Listen, try the chili. You won't be sorry.

1269. Lieutenant, I came to see you.

1270. Well, what— what about?

1271. My father's murder.

1272. Listen, I'm terribly sorry about that.

1273. We just haven't been able to come up

1274. with anything on that.

1275. Well, I may have something.

1276. Are you sure you won't have something to eat?

1277. Lieutenant, this is very important.

1278. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

1279. I'm listening.

1280. Could we move to that booth over there?

1281. Oh, certainly.

1282. You see, it's, uh,

1283. it's the crackers that make the dish.

1284. I think my stepmother

1285. may have had something to do with it.

1286. Now you realize what you're saying?

1287. Yes.

1288. Then tell me.

1289. She never loved him.

1290. She used him to get what she wanted for herself,

1291. a career.

1292. She used his name, his influence,

1293. so that she could become the famous lady lawyer.

1294. And to be a partner with my father

1295. was instant stature,

1296. instant success.

1297. Well, uh, when did all this start?

1298. Did this start while your mother was still alive?

1299. Yes, but he didn't have an affair with her.

1300. How can you be sure of that?

1301. I knew him.

1302. He was faithful to my mother

1303. all through those last years while she was dying.

1304. Well, when did they get together romantically?

1305. After my mother died.

1306. She talked him into leaving the state supreme court,

1307. something he'd worked for all his life.

1308. But he left it

1309. because he wanted to be with her.

1310. Is that when they became partners?

1311. That was the bait.

1312. He did that for her, so she married him.

1313. Why would she want to see him dead?

1314. My father came to visit me in Switzerland

1315. during last vacation.

1316. Then he told me what a fool he'd been,

1317. how she finally told him

1318. that she thought he was a bore,

1319. a dull, tiresome old man

1320. and she wanted a new arrangement.

1321. He started to cry.

1322. I'd never seen him cry before.

1323. He was to quit the firm, turn it over to her.

1324. Then they were to live their separate lives.

1325. She didn't ask for a divorce,

1326. just that they share the house,

1327. nothing more.

1328. He could never stomach living a lie like that

1329. and he told her so.

1330. She just laughed at him.

1331. I put my arm around him.

1332. Didn't know what else to do.

1333. So what did he do?

1334. He threatened to throw her out

1335. and close down the office.

1336. He dared to stand up to her.

1337. I think that's why he was killed.

1338. Well, now, look, Margaret,

1339. you've told me some reasons

1340. why maybe your stepmother might have a motive.

1341. But they're all true.

1342. I didn't say they weren't.

1343. But you don't have any proof of anything

1344. and you don't have any evidence.

1345. All you have is your assumptions.

1346. You understand?

1347. Besides, how could she do it?

1348. What would she do, involve some other people?

1349. Hmm?

1350. That would be very risky, wouldn't it?

1351. No. You see, the only possible way would be...

1352. No. No, that's crazy.

1353. What is it?

1354. Now it just occurred to me that

1355. the only possible way

1356. would be if somehow there never was a kidnapping.

1357. She killed him,

1358. then set it up to look that way.

1359. Now I never said that.

1360. I mean, that's a crazy idea.

1361. I mean, forget that idea.

1362. Lieutenant, how do you go about

1363. proving something like that?

1364. Oh, goodness, I don't know how to do that.

1365. Listen, I think you got a crazy idea there.

1366. I think you ought to forget about it.

1367. Well, I'll be in touch with you, Lieutenant.

1368. All right, all right.

1369. You know, there might be something

1370. in the position of the car seat.

1371. Did you say something?

1372. I said there might be something in the position of the car seat.

1373. What car seat?

1374. Your father's car.

1375. You know, the night they picked up your father's car,

1376. somebody noticed that the car seat

1377. had been moved forward.

1378. I don't understand.

1379. Your father's a very tall man, isn't he?

1380. I mean, he's 6 foot or better.

1381. Well, whoever drove that car last,

1382. they had moved the seat forward.

1383. Like a woman?

1384. Could be.

1385. And, of course, there's your father's keys.

1386. What about them?

1387. We never found them.

1388. Keys weren't in the car.

1389. And later on

1390. when we found your father's body,

1391. the keys weren't on the body either.

1392. So?

1393. Well, did you ever notice how,

1394. just out of habit, when you get out of a car,

1395. you automatically reach for the keys?

1396. You see, the last person out of that car

1397. instinctively took the keys with them.

1398. And may still have them.

1399. Police Department?

1400. I'd like to speak to Lt. Columbo please.

1401. Mrs. Williams.

1402. Mrs. Williams.

1403. What is it?

1404. I got the telephone call. I came right over.

1405. I didn't call you.

1406. Well, I know that.

1407. It was your stepdaughter, Margaret.

1408. How did you get in here?

1409. She said she was gonna leave the door open.

1410. I don't understand. Why?

1411. Why did she call you?

1412. She said she had something to show me.

1413. Oh.

1414. Oh, Margaret?

1415. Margaret!

1416. You want me?

1417. Yes! Lt. Columbo is here to see you.

1418. No, I think he's here to see both of us.

1419. Are you?

1420. I thought he might like to know

1421. that I found these keys,

1422. my father's key ring

1423. and in your bedroom.

1424. Margaret, you say these are your father's keys?

1425. Lieutenant, could you explain the importance of these keys?

1426. It isn't at all clear to me.

1427. Well, you see, Mrs. Williams, it goes like this.

1428. The keys were not in the car,

1429. and they were not on your husband's body,

1430. so we were wondering what happened to him.

1431. My father was never kidnapped.

1432. He came home that night and you killed him

1433. Oh, Margaret.

1434. Margaret, you really don't know

1435. what you're talking about.

1436. Yes, I do!

1437. Oh, Lieutenant, I can't do anything with her.

1438. It's true! You— you killed him. It's true!

1439. Lieutenant, you know it's true.

1440. Wait a minute, just one moment.

1441. Go sit down. Sit down in that chair.

1442. Now listen to me, Margaret.

1443. What you're saying might mean something except for one point.

1444. These are not your father's keys.

1445. Margaret, I've had the house watched

1446. and you had a locksmith up here yesterday.

1447. And I've got an invoice of every duplicate key

1448. you had made.

1449. Now I'm gonna overlook what you did this time,

1450. but I want you to remember something.

1451. Forging evidence is a crime.

1452. But she killed him!

1453. There is no proof of that.

1454. She did it! I know it and you know it, too!

1455. No, I don't know it!

1456. Yes, you do! No, I don't know...

1457. Yes, you do!

1458. Young lady, don't you ever do that again.

1459. How could she think a thing like that, Lieutenant?

1460. I always knew that she resented me,

1461. but I never thought that she would go this far.

1462. I'm gonna have to tell you the truth, Mrs. Williams.

1463. Um, I knew how she felt.

1464. You see, the

1465. fact is she came to me the other day

1466. and she told me that she thought you were involved.

1467. I told her it was a far-fetched idea.

1468. Yes, but you did manage to tell her

1469. about the missing keys.

1470. You never mentioned them to me.

1471. That wasn't among those "little details"

1472. that was bothering you so much.

1473. Well, now, Mrs. Williams,

1474. if by some remote chance

1475. your stepdaughter had been right,

1476. it wouldn't have been

1477. very smart for me to have told you,

1478. now would it?

1479. I understand.

1480. Good afternoon, Mrs. Williams

1481. Lt. Columbo?

1482. Yeah?

1483. Thank you for straightening Margaret out. I appreciate it.

1484. Oh, it was the only thing I could do.

1485. I mean, I just can't have you accused of murder

1486. on the wrong evidence.

1487. I know you did it.

1488. I know it.

1489. I think you ought to see a Doctor, Margaret.

1490. Do you?

1491. Yes, I do.

1492. I think you're a very sick girl.

1493. You listening?

1494. Yes, but it's very difficult

1495. because I'm so sick.

1496. Margaret.

1497. Why don't you go back to Switzerland?

1498. I'll put you up at a hotel until school opens.

1499. I'm staying right here.

1500. You listen to me.

1501. You stay here only as long as you behave.

1502. One more little drama

1503. and I will not only cut off your allowance,

1504. I will tie up your estate.

1505. You will be on Social Security

1506. before you see a nickel of it.

1507. Where will all your friends be then, Margaret,

1508. when you haven't the money to buy them anymore?

1509. Yes?

1510. Hello, Mrs. Williams?

1511. Yes?

1512. This is Lt. Columbo.

1513. Mrs. Williams, I was wondering if I might drop by to see you.

1514. I got something to show you.

1515. I think you'll really appreciate it.

1516. It's for you.

1517. Some stunt, huh?

1518. Yeah, I remembered how you like gadgets.

1519. I thought you'd get a kick out of it.

1520. You know, something you could show at parties,

1521. something to amuse your friends with, like that.

1522. Would you like to tell me how you did it?

1523. Oh, it was nothing to it.

1524. No, I got one of these special phones of yours,

1525. I got a tape machine and I got a timer.

1526. And I rigged it up and that was it.

1527. I'm very busy, Lieutenant.

1528. Would you like to tell me

1529. what this has to do with my husband's murder?

1530. You see, I can't get anything past you.

1531. You really got me pegged.

1532. I'll tell you what it is.

1533. It just shows that

1534. your husband could have been dead

1535. at the time of the phone call,

1536. that his voice could have come from carefully edited tapes

1537. from your office.

1538. You know, Columbo,

1539. you're almost likeable in a shabby sort of way.

1540. Maybe it's the way you come slouching in here

1541. with your shopworn bag of tricks.

1542. Me? Tricks?

1543. The humility, the seeming absentmindedness,

1544. the, uh, homey anecdotes about the family,

1545. the wife, you know?

1546. Really?

1547. Yeah, Lt. Columbo

1548. fumbling and stumbling along,

1549. but it's always the jugular that he's after.

1550. And I imagine that, more often than not, he's successful.

1551. I appreciate that compliment, Mrs. Williams,

1552. and I particularly appreciate it coming from you.

1553. I must tell you,

1554. I'm disappointed in you, Lieutenant.

1555. I'm really very disappointed.

1556. How's that?

1557. You've reduced yourself

1558. from veiled threats and insinuations

1559. to vaudeville.

1560. Now what did you really expect to achieve

1561. by this tasteless stunt?

1562. Did you expect me to throw myself at your feet confessing?

1563. No. No, I didn't think you'd do that.

1564. Then what good did it do?

1565. I just add it up with all the other details

1566. and after a while, you're able to see

1567. what really might have happened.

1568. "Might have," "could have,"

1569. those aren't phrases that hold up in court.

1570. You'd be thrown out for lack of evidence.

1571. Yeah, but, you know, justice is strange, Counselor.

1572. You know, with some people,

1573. it's not enough just to be acquitted.

1574. With some people,

1575. it's also necessary to convince the public

1576. by producing the guilty party as well.

1577. I'm familiar with the Perry Mason

1578. school of justice, Lieutenant.

1579. It's not a bad tactic,

1580. threaten to ruin my reputation by accusation,

1581. create a doubt about me.

1582. But then there's always the other side.

1583. I could always show that you were hounding me,

1584. maliciously persecuting me.

1585. You're playing a weak hand, Lieutenant.

1586. Either arrest me

1587. or get out of here.

1588. I'm gonna have to tell you the truth.

1589. Department took me off the case.

1590. There's just nothing concrete,

1591. nothing to give to a DA.

1592. and there's a murder out in Malibu

1593. they want me to look into.

1594. And you couldn't bear to leave without saying good-bye, huh?

1595. That's right. That's right.

1596. After all that, I almost forgot to say it.

1597. Good-bye, Mrs. Williams.

1598. Good-bye, Lieutenant.

1599. Hello.

1600. How do you like it, Leslie?

1601. Just giving you the same kind of welcome home

1602. you gave my father.

1603. Stop, Leslie.

1604. The first one was a blank.

1605. But who knows?

1606. The next one may be the real thing.

1607. Margaret, just let me go by,

1608. just let me...

1609. Nothing.

1610. There's nothing in that gun.

1611. There's nothing,

1612. nothing in that gun!

1613. Margaret!

1614. Margaret!

1615. My father was never kidnapped.

1616. He came home that night and you killed him.

1617. I know you did it. I know it.

1618. I know it. I know it.

1619. I know it. I know it.

1620. I know it. I know it...

1621. Margaret!

1622. Is that what you want?

1623. Out! Out!

1624. I want you out of this house tonight!

1625. Even if you throw me out, Leslie, I won't stop.

1626. I'll hound you, humiliate you, embarrass you.

1627. Get packed!

1628. You used all of my trust account

1629. to pay the ransom

1630. and now you think you can get away

1631. with my share of the estate, too?

1632. You're not going to get away with it.

1633. I want what's mine.

1634. You want to negotiate, don't you?

1635. I just want what's coming to me.

1636. I'll give you 20,000 a year for 5 years.

1637. That will take you into your trust.

1638. My trust account was for 25 a year,

1639. plus a bonus of 5,000,

1640. all in cash.

1641. You are some little girl.

1642. All right, if you're on the plane tomorrow.

1643. Excuse me.

1644. I have a lot of packing to do.

1645. When you arrive at Zurich,

1646. Mr. Steiner will meet you at the airport.

1647. He'll take you to the bank and open an account for you.

1648. Good-bye, Margaret.

1649. Good-bye, Leslie.

1650. Lt. Columbo.

1651. Mrs. Williams.

1652. Pursuing or extraditing?

1653. Nah. Nah, just waiting.

1654. You seem depressed. Did a criminal get away?

1655. Come on, I'll buy you a drink for consolation.

1656. I hate to see you unhappy.

1657. You know, that's very nice of you.

1658. I have a heart, I do.

1659. Flight 26 to Phoenix,

1660. Denver and Fort Worth now loading at Gate 11.

1661. All passengers who have not checked in

1662. at the ticket counter, please do so...

1663. Yes?

1664. What will you have, Lieutenant?

1665. After you.

1666. Sherry.

1667. I'll have a root beer.

1668. A root beer?

1669. Lieutenant, you always manage to make me feel decadent.

1670. I do? Mm-hmm.

1671. Gee, I never knew that. I'm sorry.

1672. It's nothing personal. You understand that?

1673. Oh, I understand.

1674. I'm gonna miss you, Lieutenant,

1675. you and all your fascinating little details.

1676. You know, you're something.

1677. You really are something.

1678. I'm gonna try and take that as a compliment.

1679. Oh, it is.

1680. Is it?

1681. Believe me.

1682. All persons meeting incoming flights

1683. are requested not to go beyond the reception areas...

1684. To you.

1685. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated.

1686. Here's looking at you, Mrs. Williams.

1687. You know, for a while there

1688. I thought, "I'll never get her."

1689. All those little details, they just didn't make it.

1690. There was nothing conclusive.

1691. And then I thought, "It's got to be the money."

1692. What money?

1693. The ransom money.

1694. When a person engineers a false kidnapping,

1695. they have to have the money hidden somewhere.

1696. Now it cleaned you out to raise the ransom,

1697. so I thought,

1698. "I got to find a way to force her

1699. to use the ransom money."

1700. Thank you very much.

1701. You know, and it seemed like a nutty idea to everybody.

1702. I know it did to my wife, but I believed in it because,

1703. Mrs. Williams, you have no conscience

1704. and that's your weakness.

1705. Did it ever occur to you that there are very few people

1706. that would take money to forget about a murder?

1707. It didn't, did it? I knew it wouldn't.

1708. No conscience limits your imagination.

1709. You can't conceive of anybody being any different than

1710. what you are and you're greedy.

1711. And that's why, as bright as you are,

1712. and you're bright,

1713. you believed that Margaret could be bought.

1714. Flight 64 to Honolulu...

1715. Get to the point. Come on, get to the point.

1716. Well, here's the point, Mrs. Williams.

1717. You see?

1718. You were set up.

1719. I arranged it all with Margaret.

1720. I told Margaret

1721. that if she really wanted to nail you,

1722. she had to force you to use the ransom money.

1723. Oh.

1724. You're very lucky, Lieutenant.

1725. No.

1726. Congratulations. You're very smart.

1727. So are you.

1728. Thank you.

1729. Forgive the charade about the briefcase,

1730. but we had to make sure that

1731. the money was in there before we arrested you.

1732. I had no alternative.

1733. Would you like to finish your sherry?

1734. I don't think I want anymore.

1735. Would you advise Mrs. Williams of her rights

1736. and drive her downtown?

1737. Dr. Paul Bailey, please report

1738. to the international ticket counter.

1739. Dr. Paul Bailey, please.

1740. That'll be $1.10, please.

1741. Oh, yeah.

1742. I'll be with you in one minute.

1743. Um...

1744. Uh...

1745. Would you mind if I signed for this?

1746. Uh, I'm from the police, Lt. Columbo.

1747. I guess that'll be all right.

1748. All right, fine.

1749. Now.