1. So, long story short, that's
why I bring my own salt.
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2. Fascinating.
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3. Uh, excuse me!
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4. I specifically asked
for no mayonnaise.
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5. That's our signature
house aioli.
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6. Mayo is aioli!
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7. Mayo is the devil's
condiment! Ugh!
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8. Bingo. Miss?
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9. I couldn't help but notice
you hating on mayo.
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10. Paul here —
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11. Travis!
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12. Whatever.
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13. He also hates mayo,
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14. so maybe you two
can, you know, talk?
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15. All white sauces
are a no for me.
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16. Mayo, ranch.
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17. Urp! The sound of the word
"ranch" makes me want to vomit.
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18. Kiss me, you dreamboat!
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19. And then they made out
over dry sandos. Ugh!
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20. If it makes you feel
any better,
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21. I totally crashed
and burned on my last date.
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22. Literally.
We went go-kart racing.
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23. I T-boned her car
and singed off my leg hair.
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24. You have a way better chance of
meeting someone new than I do.
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25. Oh, can you imagine
if you met someone first?
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26. And moved on?
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27. Aah!
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28. Whoops.
Sorry about that.
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29. Wouldn't want
to accidentally
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30. rekindle our
relationship, right?
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31. Yeah. Right.
Like that could ever happen.
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32. Bridgette! We wanted you
to be the first to know.
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33. We're engaged!
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34. I hope you don't mind, but we
told all our single friends
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35. that you were the one
who set us up!
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36. - Bridgette!
- I'm desperate!
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37. Me next!
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38. Okaaaaay.
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39. You want me
to be a matchmaker?
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40. Everyone I go out with
is a total freak!
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41. Exactly. And all those freaks
want to meet their soul mates.
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42. Alright.
Who's ready to get monogamied?
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43. Great. Now everyone in town
has a date but me.
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44. Uh, not everybody.
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45. What'd you lose in the couch
this time, goofus?
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46. My favorite...
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47. It's about a Viking
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48. murder horse that...
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49. Bridgette here.
Hottest matchmaker in town.
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50. I'm Hannah.
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51. I teach at a small
liberal-arts college,
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52. and I'm looking for a guy who
gets my passion for Viking lore.
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53. Ohh.
You like Vikings?
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54. Uh, duh-doy!
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55. And I'd love a guy in tweed...
who wears glasses...
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56. Ha!
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57. and has unkempt facial hair
that kind of smells
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58. like if hummus fermented
in a beard for six years.
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59. If he did exist,
which he doesn't,
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60. you'd hit it off, right?
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61. Ohh, yeah!
It's gone!
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62. I'm sorry, but I don't
know anyone that —
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63. And now I'll never be able
to find another copy
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64. of "Need for Steed 3..."
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65. "Tales of a Norse Horse."
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66. Is that the Bronze Anniversary
Special Edition?
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67. And the 14-hour
director's cut!
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68. Well, thanks!
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69. He'll get this back to you
after he's done.
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70. Do you wanna maybe
watch this in my room?
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71. Please tell me you live
in a cramped space
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72. with no ventilation.
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73. I call it "a closet."
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74. Ooh!
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75. Hey! What are you —
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76. Bridgette,
you truly are the best!
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77. Arghhh!
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78. Good morning,
Bridgette!
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79. Heyyy.
You, uh, slept over?
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80. Yeah!
We were up so late
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81. geeking out over
ancient Norse runes.
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82. Ohhh. So you only crashed here
'cause you were tired.
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83. Yeah.
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84. And we had sex.
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85. All yours!
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86. Greaaaaat.
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87. Uh-oh!
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88. Bridgette doing chores.
What's wrong?
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89. Have you met
Alex's new friend?
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90. No, but are you maybe,
uh, jealous?
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91. Me? Jealous?
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92. Eh, don't mind us. Just two
lovebirds looking for a snack.
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93. Chirp, chirp.
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94. I need to get out of here!
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95. So, uh, I'm looking for
someone tough like me.
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96. Casual horseback falconry?
What —
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97. HanbergerLoveJourney?
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98. Ugh! He never made up
a hashtag for me!
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99. is this a bad time?
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100. No, no. Not at all. Here.
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101. Oh. Okay.
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102. Unh! Guh!
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103. What does he —
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104. I knew
they wouldn't work out!
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105. Unh! Ow! We should, uh,
establish a safe word.
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106. Ooh, you're back!
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107. Mm-hmm.
What'd you want to talk about?
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108. Uh, look.
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109. I know things
have been weird.
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110. Weird? What?
How?
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111. You know,
me being with Hannah
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112. and us still sharing
a very thin wall.
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113. Ohhh! That! No, that's fine.
That's fine. I'm fine.
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114. no, I've just been super busy
having similar sex
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115. with tons of dudes.
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116. That's great!
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117. I just wanted to make sure
you were cool
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118. with me and Hannah
before things get,
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119. you know, serious.
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120. Of course!
Live your life!
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121. Thanks, Bridge.
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122. I'm glad you're here
to see this.
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123. Hit it!
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124. Aah!
Oh, my gosh!
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125. Hannah, my sweet,
tender Viking lover...
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126. will you marry me?
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127. Of course I will!
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128. Hanberger forever!
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129. Uh-huh!
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130. - Yay, Alex!
- Alex and the new girl!
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131. Congrats.
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132. Alex is on a budget,
so you get to be flower girl
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133. and cocktail waitress!
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134. On it, Dad!
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135. Yeah, a former tenant
left this in his unit.
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136. Actually, he kinda died
in his unit.
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137. What the hell
are you doing?
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138. Hey!
I was using that.
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139. You need to tell Alex that
you still have feelings for him.
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140. Pssh! Even if I did,
which I don't,
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141. this "marriage"
won't last!
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142. Once they run out of Viking
shows to watch together,
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143. they'll fall apart.
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144. I give it a week, tops.
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145. Nordic mead
or hanberger spritz?
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146. Ah. Auntie Bridgette's cut off.
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147. Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
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148. to join Alex and Hannah
in marriage,
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149. a contract not to be
entered into lightly.
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150. No mulligans, take-backs,
or JK LOLs.
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151. Hannah, do you take Alex
to be your —
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152. Wait!
This isn't right!
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153. Oh, no!
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154. Told ya so.
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155. Alex, I haven't been
honest with you.
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156. I don't teach at a small
liberal-arts college.
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157. Occidental
is more mid-sized.
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158. No, I — Ohh.
This is so embarrassing.
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159. I just have to show you.
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160. I am Hnoss.
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161. The Norse goddess
of lust and desire.
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162. Whoa!
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163. Come!
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164. We will wed in Valhalla
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165. and induct you as a god
by my side.
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166. This one's
on the house.
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167. Ohh!
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168. This is... very hot!
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169. Oh, ho, ho, ho,
holy shit!
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170. He's leaving?
For real? For... ever?
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171. Alex, wait!
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172. What in Odin's name?
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173. Bridgette?
What's wrong?
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174. I still have feelings
for you, okay?
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175. I'm sorry I didn't
tell you earlier.
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176. I-I didn't even
realize it myself.
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177. But I had to say something
before I lost you
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178. to becoming a god
or whatever.
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179. Hannah, I am so sorry
about all of this.
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180. But I can't marry you.
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181. What?
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182. Not when I still have
unresolved feelings
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183. for someone else.
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184. You're dumping me?
I am a literal deity.
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185. I don't need
to settle for a guy
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186. who can't even
commit to eternity.
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187. Hnoss out!
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188. Damn!
That would've rocked.
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189. But not as much as this.
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190. So, may I formally ask you out
on a second first date?
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191. I would love that.
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192. But let's take things slow
this time.
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193. I don't want to rush and
mess it up like I usually do.
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194. Well, except for the sex.
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195. That can happen
whenever, wherever.
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196. Deal. Ugh!
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197. I can't believe
I let your gross beard
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198. scratch my face!
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199. Oh, right.
Goddess ex.
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200. You blocked her
on Insta, right?
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201. We've been broken up
for like two minutes!
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202. Already
with the excuses.
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