1. Oh, man. Look at her.Copy !req
2. I can't wait for us to play.Copy !req
3. We're gonna have so much fun together.Copy !req
4. Blue 42! Hut hut! Hike!Copy !req
5. Stiff arm! Spin move!Copy !req
6. He passes! He scores!Copy !req
7. Josh, support the neck!Copy !req
8. Oh, I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!Copy !req
9. Hey, look at this little baby! Is she ticklish?Copy !req
10. Ha ha!Copy !req
11. Pbht!Copy !req
12. Daddy, Daddy, picky up!Copy !req
13. Prepare for lift off!Copy !req
14. Dad!Copy !req
15. We saw this really old movie at school todayCopy !req
16. called "King Kong"!Copy !req
17. It had Jack Black in it!Copy !req
18. Classic!Copy !req
19. Let's play "King Kong"!Copy !req
20. Hmm.Copy !req
21. Uh, Dad?Copy !req
22. Aaah!Copy !req
23. Well, Mr. Singleton, no wonder you threw your back outCopy !req
24. lifting your daughter.Copy !req
25. You have literally zero core strength.Copy !req
26. Oh, my God.Copy !req
27. Will I ever be able to pick her up again?Copy !req
28. Only if you start exercising.Copy !req
29. So there's nothing I can do?Copy !req
30. Look, you need to work on your coreCopy !req
31. if you want to get better.Copy !req
32. I would like a second opinion.Copy !req
33. Start exercisingCopy !req
34. or you will never lift your daughter again.Copy !req
35. Let's do this. For Candice.Copy !req
36. You know what they say...Copy !req
37. if you ain't pukin', it ain't workin'.Copy !req
38. Jim Crunch.Copy !req
39. Thank you, strong sir.Copy !req
40. You ever get tired of playin' with the pupsCopy !req
41. and want to run with the big dogs,Copy !req
42. I'm right next door.Copy !req
43. I want to run with the big dogs.Copy !req
44. What we do here isn't just exercise, Josh.Copy !req
45. It's a churchCopy !req
46. where we max out greatness...Copy !req
47. annihilate weakness...Copy !req
48. and discover unrealized swole-tential.Copy !req
49. Weights are my angels, and gains are my God.Copy !req
50. We're not just blastin' bodies, we're blastin' lives.Copy !req
51. Whoa.Copy !req
52. You make it sound like a cult. Thanks!Copy !req
53. If you do everything I say and devote yourselfCopy !req
54. to the swoletown system of WODs —Copy !req
55. "workouts of the day" —Copy !req
56. you will get the massive gains you deserve.Copy !req
57. I just want to be able to lift up my daughter.Copy !req
58. When I'm done with you,Copy !req
59. you'll be able to kill your daughter.Copy !req
60. First, here's you right now, string bean.Copy !req
61. But next, you'll get swole.Copy !req
62. Then cut.Copy !req
63. After that, ripped, yoked, jacked,Copy !req
64. and finally, shredded, which is what I am.Copy !req
65. Wow. What's that?Copy !req
66. Oh, no one has ever achieved absolute unit.Copy !req
67. You have to complete the impossible WOD,Copy !req
68. which could literally kill you.Copy !req
69. Let's focus on getting you swole first, okay?Copy !req
70. Well, these don't look so —Copy !req
71. Daddy, come play with me!Copy !req
72. Sorry, Candice.Copy !req
73. A few more WODs and a couple of protein shakes,Copy !req
74. and I should be able to lift you as high as the ceiling.Copy !req
75. Yay!Copy !req
76. Jim Crunch says that pain is just weakness leaving the body.Copy !req
77. And if you ain't achin', it ain't workin'.Copy !req
78. Know your limits and defy them daily.Copy !req
79. Because you don't stop when you're tired —Copy !req
80. you stop when you're done.Copy !req
81. And if you —Copy !req
82. Yeah!Copy !req
83. Sorry.Copy !req
84. Bridgette, I'm scared.Copy !req
85. Yeah, you're married to a monster.Copy !req
86. No, I'm scared of how hot Josh is.Copy !req
87. I always thought I was attracted to string-bean beta males,Copy !req
88. but apparently, I love big, ham-hock hunks.Copy !req
89. Em, check this out —Copy !req
90. I got that "V" thing like the dudes from "300."Copy !req
91. "I. Am. Sparta!"Copy !req
92. Uh...Copy !req
93. Daddy, can we go play "King Kong"?Copy !req
94. You bet! Uhp!Copy !req
95. Sorry, I gotta get to Swoletown.Copy !req
96. If I miss even one workout or meal,Copy !req
97. I could lose my massive gains.Copy !req
98. Hell, yeah! Sorry.Copy !req
99. But we were playing.Copy !req
100. I know, sweetie.Copy !req
101. But it's important we support him now that he's hot.Copy !req
102. 99.Copy !req
103. 100!Copy !req
104. Congrats, Josh. You're officially shredded.Copy !req
105. Thanks, guys. But I need more.Copy !req
106. I want to become an absolute unit.Copy !req
107. It's too dangerous.Copy !req
108. The last guy who attempted the impossible WODCopy !req
109. died after his hammies exploded.Copy !req
110. You know what they say —Copy !req
111. If you ain't dyin', it ain't workin'.Copy !req
112. Bro, listen. This is me, Jim Crunch, talking.Copy !req
113. Even if your hammies survive the 'splozh,Copy !req
114. we don't know what all that muscle could do to your mind.Copy !req
115. My dude, I appreciate you.Copy !req
116. But would you tell the sunCopy !req
117. not to rise and grind each morning?Copy !req
118. Would you tell the moonCopy !req
119. not to blast its quads into the night sky?Copy !req
120. Oh, I love your energy right now, brah.Copy !req
121. If anyone can become an absolute unit,Copy !req
122. it's you, brah.Copy !req
123. I'm gonna start a gratitude journalCopy !req
124. and just write your name in it, brah.Copy !req
125. You're the wind beneath my traps, brah.Copy !req
126. You're the reason I got so good at kegels, brah!Copy !req
127. Words fail me, bro!Copy !req
128. Bro! Bro!Copy !req
129. Daddy, look at my drawing!Copy !req
130. Not now, Candice, I'm making a chicken smoothie.Copy !req
131. Be firm.Copy !req
132. God, he's so freakin' hot.Copy !req
133. Josh, we need to talk.Copy !req
134. I'm horny — happy you've gotten so healthy.Copy !req
135. What I'm trying to sex is — shit, hold on.Copy !req
136. Josh? You're neglecting Candice.Copy !req
137. You haven't played with her all week.Copy !req
138. We just made this chicken smoothie together.Copy !req
139. She's fine.Copy !req
140. Oh...Copy !req
141. Maybe I have been a little preoccupied.Copy !req
142. Damn.Copy !req
143. I got to get back to the gym.Copy !req
144. I'll play with Candice tomorrow —Copy !req
145. the best "King Kong" ever.Copy !req
146. Because once I do the impossible WOD,Copy !req
147. I'll be an absolute unit.Copy !req
148. I don't know what that is,Copy !req
149. but somehow I know I need it.Copy !req
150. Just promise you'll spend time with Candice, okay?Copy !req
151. I promise.Copy !req
152. It's like warm marble.Copy !req
153. The impossible WOD.Copy !req
154. 10 reps of every exercise at one 100% of your max.Copy !req
155. You've only got 10 minutes.Copy !req
156. Ready?Copy !req
157. Go!Copy !req
158. He's doing it, Tony.Copy !req
159. He's really doing it.Copy !req
160. Just one more rep, Josh!Copy !req
161. It's happening!Copy !req
162. You're the king.Copy !req
163. King... Kong?Copy !req
164. Candice!Copy !req
165. I coming to play!Copy !req
166. Hang on, you gotta take a victory selfie for the wall!Copy !req
167. Worth it, bro.Copy !req
168. Check the passport of your heart.Copy !req
169. Anything to declare?Copy !req
170. Yes. Inner peace.Copy !req
171. Play. With. Candice!Copy !req
172. Dad?Copy !req
173. I know perfect place play "King Kong."Copy !req
174. Going up!Copy !req
175. Daddy go higher!Copy !req
176. Mom! It's okay, Candice!Copy !req
177. Josh, you look incredible.Copy !req
178. Please put our daughter down.Copy !req
179. Candice ready to play "King Kong"?Copy !req
180. Uh, this is pretty freaky,Copy !req
181. but I'll take what I can get?Copy !req
182. Huh? Workout time.Copy !req
183. Me go back gym.Copy !req
184. But we didn't play!Copy !req
185. Strong Daddy need gains!Copy !req
186. You care more about your stupid gains than me.Copy !req
187. I wish you never got strong.Copy !req
188. Oh!Copy !req
189. What if me no able pick you up?Copy !req
190. You getting so big.Copy !req
191. I don't care if you can't pick me up to play.Copy !req
192. Just as long as we play.Copy !req
193. Really?Copy !req
194. Of course.Copy !req
195. Oh, forget the gym.Copy !req
196. Let's play.Copy !req
197. Oh!Copy !req
198. I love you, Dad!Copy !req
199. I love you, t—Copy !req
200. Bullseye.Copy !req
201. That's my husband.Copy !req
202. Hunk, right?Copy !req
203. Huh?Copy !req
204. How long have I been out? Three hours.Copy !req
205. That's five meals, four smoothies, and two workouts!Copy !req
206. I lost all my gains.Copy !req
207. That's okay.Copy !req
208. I liked strong Dad, but I love Dad Dad.Copy !req
209. Yeah, no, it's — it's good that you're normal again.Copy !req
210. Was I feeling passion I've never felt before?Copy !req
211. Yes. "But..."?Copy !req
212. No, that's it.Copy !req
213. Well, there is one final workout I need to do.Copy !req
214. Jim Crunch!Copy !req
215. DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA! DNA!Copy !req
216. DNA! DNA!Copy !req
217. What's up? What are we doing?Copy !req
218. We got our results backCopy !req
219. from that bulk genetic test we bought from Costco!Copy !req
220. Nice. So, whose ancestors killed who?Copy !req
221. Well, my people came from Guadalajara...Copy !req
222. Bridgette's came from Kyoto...Copy !req
223. and Josh is white.Copy !req
224. Can you believe it?Copy !req
225. Mine says there's a 92% chanceCopy !req
226. I'm descended from a long line of... creeps?Copy !req
227. Ooh, aha.Copy !req
228. You're out of here!Copy !req
229. Well, that doesn't seem scientific!Copy !req
230. Please let me be related to Bruce Willis.Copy !req
231. Well, this can't be right.Copy !req
232. Ma told me my birth parents died.Copy !req
233. But Costco says they're living in Malibu?Copy !req
234. Ooh, ahh, ooh!Copy !req
235. You told me they were dead!Copy !req
236. Randy — And not just that they were dead —Copy !req
237. that they were astronautsCopy !req
238. who went on a top-secret mission to Mars!Copy !req
239. Where they and their trusty chimpanzee, Derek,Copy !req
240. were attacked by MartiansCopy !req
241. and they heroically died protecting the spaceship.Copy !req
242. Is none of that true?Copy !req
243. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
244. It's just — I could never bring myselfCopy !req
245. to tell you the truth about your parents.Copy !req
246. Which is?Copy !req
247. Your parents, Wyatt and Deborah Trickle,Copy !req
248. were thieves.Copy !req
249. And not just any thieves.Copy !req
250. Gas thieves.Copy !req
251. Masters of the "sip 'n slip."Copy !req
252. They slurped gas out of tanksCopy !req
253. from Santa Maria to Santa Clarita.Copy !req
254. Deborah was "the nose..."Copy !req
255. able to sniff out a full tank from 30 yards away.Copy !req
256. Wyatt was "the cheeks,"Copy !req
257. able to suck gas out of a tank faster than you can sayCopy !req
258. "Hey, what you doing over there? That's my car!"Copy !req
259. Then, one night, I came along.Copy !req
260. Hands up!Copy !req
261. Little did I knowCopy !req
262. what they'd be willing to do to get away.Copy !req
263. They left you behind so they could make offCopy !req
264. with 15 gallons of premium unleaded.Copy !req
265. Aww.Copy !req
266. Eventually, the law caught up to them.Copy !req
267. I brought you to visit themCopy !req
268. to try to keep them in your life.Copy !req
269. Here! But they weren't interested.Copy !req
270. So, that's why I never told you.Copy !req
271. I couldn't stand the idea of you thinkingCopy !req
272. someone wouldn't want you.Copy !req
273. Well, despite what you think,Copy !req
274. I'm a big boy that can handle the truth.Copy !req
275. In fact, I already e-mailed my parents,Copy !req
276. and I'm meeting them today.Copy !req
277. Randy, you need to be careful.Copy !req
278. Ma! I can take care of myself!Copy !req
279. Ow! No!Copy !req
280. Do not kiss it better!Copy !req
281. I'm a grown man!Copy !req
282. I'll kiss it better!Copy !req
283. Better.Copy !req
284. Hey! How was the toy store?Copy !req
285. A bust. Candice thought everything was for babies.Copy !req
286. Luckily, Home Depot was having a sale next door.Copy !req
287. You bought her a leaf blower?Copy !req
288. You're the one who always says she should be playingCopy !req
289. with non-gendered toys!Copy !req
290. Ohh.Copy !req
291. Ohh.Copy !req
292. Look at that red-ass Mullet.Copy !req
293. You must be a Trickle.Copy !req
294. C'mon 'n give us some sugar!Copy !req
295. You a Trickle.Copy !req
296. Aww. Come here you little pickle.Copy !req
297. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
298. Hell, neither do we.Copy !req
299. But let's head inside and talk over some fine dinin'.Copy !req
300. What? McRibs?Copy !req
301. That's G-God's favorite sandwich!Copy !req
302. Hell, yes!Copy !req
303. When you're with the Trickles,Copy !req
304. McRibs are on the menu year round!Copy !req
305. Take that, Ronald McDonald,Copy !req
306. you withholdin' sack of dog shit.Copy !req
307. I can't believe how incredible this is.Copy !req
308. My mo— um — Pearle told me you were bad people.Copy !req
309. You obviously can't be.Copy !req
310. 'Cause you guys are rich.Copy !req
311. Well, we were bad people.Copy !req
312. Out of our minds on gas fumes.Copy !req
313. Always lookin' for the next big slurp.Copy !req
314. When we got out of prison, we straightened up.Copy !req
315. No more suckin' gas from cars.Copy !req
316. What do you do now?Copy !req
317. We're frackers! We suck gas from the land.Copy !req
318. I use "the nose" to sniff out natural gas.Copy !req
319. And I use "the cheeks"Copy !req
320. to lay back and sip hillbilly Mai Tais.Copy !req
321. Mountain Dew and rum.Copy !req
322. This tastes like I banged my head on a pole.Copy !req
323. I love it.Copy !req
324. Hot damn, look at that!Copy !req
325. You got the cheeks, too!Copy !req
326. I guess I do!Copy !req
327. Randy, we are so sorry for not reachin' out.Copy !req
328. We just — Ah, we thought it was best you move on.Copy !req
329. We didn't deserve to be your parents.Copy !req
330. I don't care what you did in the past.Copy !req
331. The important thing is you're here now,Copy !req
332. and you aren't tossing me at anyone as a means of escape.Copy !req
333. Hell, I'll drink to that!Copy !req
334. Thanks for the ride, Mom and Dad.Copy !req
335. Today was perfect.Copy !req
336. It was our pleasure.Copy !req
337. Do you smell gas?Copy !req
338. Candice! Stop giving that kid sick air!Copy !req
339. Ah. Never mind.Copy !req
340. Pearle! Get on over here!Copy !req
341. We can't thank you enough for doing such a terrific jobCopy !req
342. raising our boy.Copy !req
343. Looks like we threw our baby at the right cop.Copy !req
344. Just stepping up where others wouldn't.Copy !req
345. What're you two up to these days?Copy !req
346. Still doing the ole sip 'n slip?Copy !req
347. Ma! Geeze!Copy !req
348. They don't steal gas anymore!Copy !req
349. They frack it.Copy !req
350. It's more like burping the Earth.Copy !req
351. What would you know about burping anything?Copy !req
352. Ma! Stop getting hung up on the factCopy !req
353. that these guys abandoned me multiple times as a childCopy !req
354. and be nice!Copy !req
355. No, we understand, son.Copy !req
356. We don't deserve her trust.Copy !req
357. But we'd sure like to earn it.Copy !req
358. We want to stay in Randy's life,Copy !req
359. meet all his friends.Copy !req
360. Why don't we throw a big party, right here?Copy !req
361. A neighborhood carnival!Copy !req
362. We'd do it at our place,Copy !req
363. but we're re-glazing our butthole washers.Copy !req
364. In Europe, they're called "bidettes."Copy !req
365. That'd be amazing! Alright then.Copy !req
366. Oh, geeze!Copy !req
367. I have to say, Randy, this is pretty fun.Copy !req
368. I'm sorry I misjudged the Trickles.Copy !req
369. That's okay.Copy !req
370. I just wish I'd known about them sooner.Copy !req
371. Well, I hope you realizeCopy !req
372. I did what I did out of love.Copy !req
373. Uh, yeah. I guess so.Copy !req
374. Huh?Copy !req
375. Huh.Copy !req
376. Fracking?Copy !req
377. No, son. Shh, shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
378. We set this whole thing up so we could doCopy !req
379. a little bit of secret frackin'.Copy !req
380. I knew I smelled gas!Copy !req
381. Well, Goddamn.Copy !req
382. You got the cheeks and the nose.Copy !req
383. You're fracking under my house?Copy !req
384. Soon as we pulled up the other day, I smelled it.Copy !req
385. Ah, the motherlode, right here.Copy !req
386. We had to have it.Copy !req
387. Them swings're suckin' out natural gas as we speak.Copy !req
388. I'm sorry we didn't tell ya, bud.Copy !req
389. It's just the city can get real pricklyCopy !req
390. about fracking under people's houses.Copy !req
391. And we'll cut you in on the proceeds.Copy !req
392. Ah, you're a Trickle now!Copy !req
393. Huh. Are you sure this is safe?Copy !req
394. Of course!Copy !req
395. Nothin' bad ever happened from fracking.Copy !req
396. That's probably a coincidence.Copy !req
397. That sinkhole ain't playin'!Copy !req
398. Let's bail! C'mon, Randy!Copy !req
399. It's time for the ole sip 'n slip!Copy !req
400. No! You're gonna destroy my home!Copy !req
401. What do you expect us to do,Copy !req
402. dump the gas back into the ground,Copy !req
403. fill up the sinkhole,Copy !req
404. and go back to bein' all buddy buddy?Copy !req
405. Yeah, I guess!Copy !req
406. Sorry, Randy, but we ain't exactly the typeCopy !req
407. that puts gas into stuff.Copy !req
408. Now are you a Trickle or not?Copy !req
409. Adios, son!Copy !req
410. Until next time!Copy !req
411. Aaaah!Copy !req
412. Dad! Don't do this!Copy !req
413. Sorry, son.Copy !req
414. I love ya... but I love gas more.Copy !req
415. Uh-oh! Mama?Copy !req
416. Ma?Copy !req
417. I'll always be there to catch you, baby.Copy !req
418. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
419. Uh-huh.Copy !req
420. My God.Copy !req
421. He's the greatest Trickle that ever lived.Copy !req
422. That boy sucks just like his daddy.Copy !req
423. I can't hold it much longer!Copy !req
424. Yay!Copy !req
425. Ma, you've given me the best life I could've asked for.Copy !req
426. I may've inherited the Trickle nose and cheeks,Copy !req
427. but I got your heart.Copy !req
428. Oh, baby.Copy !req
429. Get rid of it!Copy !req
430. Has anyone seen my leaf blower?Copy !req