1. Aww!
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2. This is so...
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3. Boring.
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4. Ugh.
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5. Can we at least swim
in the pool?
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6. No. Look, don't
ruin this for me.
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7. I won thumb war
fair and square,
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8. so we're looking
at open houses.
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9. Oh, uh, I don't know where
to throw this garbage.
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10. Oh, wait — shazam!
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11. Just contemplating
how overcrowded L.A. is...
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12. in my two-acre
backya-a-a-ard!
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13. Ah, yeah,
that's the stuff.
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14. You don't even
drink tea.
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15. Yeah, because I can
never find it.
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16. If I had these tins, I would
drink tea all day, son.
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17. Husband.
All day, husband!
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18. Ha!
Can I try?
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19. See?
Open houses aren't boring.
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20. No! Josh!
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21. Jack-knife!
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22. I can't believe
you got us
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23. kicked out
of that open house.
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24. Hey,
I said I was sorry.
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25. Now can we do something
we're all...
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26. into?
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27. No!
Don't touch anything!
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28. I'm this close to connecting
Garfield to Jesus!
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29. Are you drinking
moonshine?
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30. No!
That's disgusting!
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31. That's my urine.
Uh...
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32. we'll just go in through
the kitchen.
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33. Watch out!
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34. Seriously? You had to do this
in the kitchen?
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35. Alex was taking up
the whole living room.
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36. Ugh.
Get in here, Candice!
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37. Your body is a paintbrush
that your spirit inhabits.
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38. Look, honey, we have a drawer
like the open house.
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39. It won't slam!
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40. Look, Em —
chandelier!
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41. I think I'm just gonna go
for a walk, get some air.
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42. You don't want to use
your body like a paintbrush?
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43. Nah, you guys do your thing,
I'll go do my thing.
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44. But we should do
a thing together.
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45. Is that thing cleaning up
this overcrowded apartment?
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46. Nah, there's gotta be
something better.
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47. Hmm.
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48. Oh, my God.
Wait.
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49. I've always wanted to be
a Family Bike family.
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50. - On your left!
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51. Wha— Wha —
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52. Where's your family,
loser?
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53. Ooh.
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54. That's what we'll do together.
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55. A family bike!
Emily!
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56. Huh?
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57. She left 30 minutes ago.
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58. Never gonna be mine, never gonna
be mine, never gonna be mine.
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59. But there's no harm
in looking.
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60. Oh, my God!
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61. I am so sorry!
No, no.
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62. I couldn't agree
with you more.
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63. Are you gonna put in
an offer?
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64. Me? Nah.
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65. To save money, my family lives
with a divorced couple,
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66. so open houses are more
of a guilty pleasure.
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67. Me too. I just like
to come check out
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68. how the other half lives.
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69. Also, at home, my kids
write on the walls with shit.
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70. Uh...
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71. Oh, is this
your daughter?
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72. Daughter?
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73. No. I'm —
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74. Whoa! You're superstar
Mona Arizona!
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75. Yeah,
my real name's Caitlin.
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76. What brings you here,
Mona?
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77. Well,
I'm an emancipated minor,
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78. so I like to go
to open houses
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79. because they represent
the normal life
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80. I'll never know.
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81. When you work as much
as I do,
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82. you start to fear
that you'll look back
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83. on these years and think,
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84. "Where did
my childhood go?"
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85. Yeah,
my triplets love you.
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86. They sing your songs
all the time.
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87. Whoa! Triplets?
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88. Yeah.
They can't sing.
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89. It's really bad.
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90. Don't forget to check out
the guest house.
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91. A happy family like yours
must have lots of visitors.
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92. Oh, no, we're not —
Oh, come on, Mom.
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93. Let's see where
Grandma's gonna stay.
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94. Um...
No harm in looking.
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95. Right... hon?
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96. Actually, I need
to get back to...
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97. You know what?
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98. Sure thing, hon!
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99. Wink!
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100. Huhuhuhu.
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101. Okay I've got
my algebra homework,
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102. my Spanish homework,
my history homework...
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103. Is there any subject
you don't have homework for?
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104. Haha!
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105. Lunch.
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106. Hey, wait a minute.
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107. Where is my lunch?
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108. Mom didn't pack it.
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109. Come to think of it,
where is Mom?
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110. You guys!
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111. Do you...
Do you guys hear that?
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112. Oh, it's probably just
the Cohens' bat mitzvah party
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113. next door.
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114. Uh...
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115. Uh, Mom, you look like you
could use a glass of water.
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116. I think you're right,
Caitlin,
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117. but I'm pretty sure
your mom pronounces it —
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118. "Pinot Grigio."
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119. Yeah.
Water.
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120. The Family Bike
is here!
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121. Sign here, please.
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122. Hey, how'd you guys
get here so fast?
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123. I only ordered it
like 20 minutes ago.
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124. Says here you ordered it
three days ago.
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125. Three days?
Where the hell is Emily?
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126. Oh, yeah.
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127. Sorry, the orders for those
Emily real dolls
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128. are all backed up.
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129. Got mine last week,
though.
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130. Lot of fun, lot of fun.
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131. Isn't this song great?
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132. No.
No, it's not.
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133. Guys, something is wrong
in this house.
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134. You know how I wanted
a glass of water?
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135. Well, look.
Nothing.
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136. So I think,
"Hey, maybe the fridge.
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137. Oh, but it's
probably empty
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138. like the rest of the house,
Emily."
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139. Nope.
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140. It's packed with
paintings of food.
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141. Emily!
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142. I had a glass of water
an hour ago.
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143. Why don't you
let me try, huh?
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144. Ah!
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145. It's not funny!
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146. Hello?
Emily!
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147. Emily, where are you?
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148. Josh?
Oh, my God!
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149. I'm at the open house,
but something's...
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150. wrong here.
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151. Emily?
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152. Emily?
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153. Emily!
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154. Baby!
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155. Emi... ly!
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156. Come back!
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157. Where's your family,
loser?
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158. What a beautiful day.
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159. I'll get it!
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160. Emily!
There you are.
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161. Hey, I'm Dave,
Emily's husband.
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162. What?
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163. I'm Emily's husband.
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164. Josh! Don't come in,
don't close the door!
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165. What the hell?
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166. Try the window!
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167. Let's check upstairs!
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168. What's going on?
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169. It's a set, Josh.
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170. This whole thing —
it's a sitcom.
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171. Well, how do we get out?
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172. I don't know!
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173. Hon,
I know you're upset,
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174. but we can't say
stuff like that here.
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175. We'll lose our audience.
- That's it!
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176. Maybe if we do stuff
you can't do on sitcoms
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177. we can get out of here!
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178. What else can't you do
on sitcoms?
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179. I don't know.
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180. How did any of this
even happen?
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181. And who is that guy that
keeps calling you "hon"?
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182. Um... that's —
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183. Mom, why does this guy
call Dad "that guy"?
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184. And why does the girl
call you "Mom"?
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185. And why do I love
this water?
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186. Are you cheating on us
with another family?
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187. Um... well...
I...
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188. uh...
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189. The music.
That's it.
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190. We have to follow
the format, not fight it.
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191. I'm calling
a family meeting.
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192. The truth is, I haven't been
real with any of you.
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193. Josh, I came here because
sometimes I feel overwhelmed
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194. by the chaos
at the apartment.
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195. I know we chose
to have roommates
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196. so we could afford a better
school district for Candice,
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197. but just once a week,
I like to imagine life
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198. with a little more peace
and order.
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199. Open houses give me the strength
to deal
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200. with the weird art projects,
the exposed wires, and Alex.
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201. There's something really wrong
with that guy.
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202. Dave, Caitlin, I can't be a part
of your family anymore.
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203. I'm sorry, but it's time for me
to go back to my real home.
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204. I understand.
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205. But is it okay
if I just stay here?
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206. My triplets are a real pain
in the tuchus.
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207. I've never been so excited
to leave an open house!
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208. Let's go home.
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209. - Michelle?
- Dave!
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210. Where you been?
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211. There's something wrong
with the kids.
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212. They're making this weird noise,
and they won't stop.
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213. Uh...
Dave!
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214. You bastard!
Don't you shut me out!
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215. Don't you dare
shut me out!
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216. Ah, thank God.
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217. Classic Dave!
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218. Whataya gonna do with me?
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219. You were right. This is fun
for the whole family.
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220. - On your left!
- Hey!
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221. Nice family, loser.
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222. Oh, hey, I got you
something.
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223. Tins!
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224. Now you can finally
drink tea.
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225. Thanks.
Look out!
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226. How do you stop
this thing?
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227. Does anyone else
hear that?
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