1. A serving wrench,
just like in "Cable Guy".Copy !req
2. Okay, okay.
I'm going to say it.Copy !req
3. Can I help you, my lords?Copy !req
4. Does thou have a mug of ale
for me and me mate?Copy !req
5. Yeah, we like it.Copy !req
6. We like it a lot.
We like it a lot.Copy !req
7. Oh. More Jim Carrey fans.
Delightful.Copy !req
8. We're going
to do this every yearCopy !req
9. for the rest
of our lives, dude!Copy !req
10. My lords, welcome back.Copy !req
11. Happy
"Medieval Times-aversary".Copy !req
12. Hey, real quick.
Can I "ass" you a few questions?Copy !req
13. Did you read my short story?Copy !req
14. Yeah,
loved how short it was.Copy !req
15. Oh, do you want to hear the most
annoying sound in the world?Copy !req
16. Eeeeeeeeh!Copy !req
17. Eeeeeeeeh!Copy !req
18. Down, down, down,
the red knight is going down!Copy !req
19. Come on, dude,
Medieval-Times-aversary.Copy !req
20. Uh, oh, uh, yeah, uh,
down, down, down,Copy !req
21. the red knight is going down,
yep, cool.Copy !req
22. Yeah! 15 years later,
and we're still equally psyched.Copy !req
23. Eeeeeeh!Copy !req
24. Josh, Candice is dabbing!
Remember that?Copy !req
25. Josh!
La, la, la, la, la, la, laCopy !req
26. Ugh,
Can't get a moment's peace.Copy !req
27. Good morrow, kind sir!Copy !req
28. W-where's thine armor?Copy !req
29. My armor? What?
Why would I need that?Copy !req
30. Dude, it's our
Medieval-Times-aversary.Copy !req
31. Uh, listen,
I can't go today.Copy !req
32. A literary agent said that
he'd read "Future Viking 3030,"Copy !req
33. and I want to send it to him
by the end of the day.Copy !req
34. Come on, man!Copy !req
35. We've gone every year
on this day since high school.Copy !req
36. I know, but I need
to hand this in.Copy !req
37. Besides, I was hoping
you'd read it.Copy !req
38. You always give me
really good feedback like,Copy !req
39. "I love it.
It's awesome,"Copy !req
40. and, "Is there a king of books?
It should be you, my liege!"Copy !req
41. I'm not going to read
that giant thingCopy !req
42. on our Medieval-Times-aversary,
but I am willing to pregameCopy !req
43. by watching a double feature
of this and this.Copy !req
44. You know, that movie
doesn't really hold up.Copy !req
45. How dare you!Copy !req
46. Also, Medieval Times
is not historically accurate.Copy !req
47. They serve tomato bisque soup
with focaccia dippers.Copy !req
48. It's how knights ate!Copy !req
49. Josh, I love "focach", but it's
not from medieval times!Copy !req
50. Thine dippers
are delicious,Copy !req
51. and I shall dip them
by mine self!Copy !req
52. Oh, ugh, ugh.Copy !req
53. Don't even think
about helping me.Copy !req
54. It's pretty cool these shows
end so early now, huh?Copy !req
55. Want to help me trim
Candice's fingernails?Copy !req
56. They're so tiny.Copy !req
57. Ugh.
What?Copy !req
58. We have, like, an extra
30 minutes to hang out.Copy !req
59. This isn't just hanging out
to me, Em.Copy !req
60. This is serious.Copy !req
61. Look at Weird Al
judging us.Copy !req
62. We need to go to a cabin
in the woodsCopy !req
63. and write songs
like we used to.Copy !req
64. I'd love that!Copy !req
65. My December opens up a bit
during winter break, or in 2032,Copy !req
66. Candice goes off
to college.Copy !req
67. No, I meant this weekend,
like, now!Copy !req
68. Uh, n — now?Copy !req
69. Now!Copy !req
70. We're never going to
write anythingCopy !req
71. while you're here
being a mombie.Copy !req
72. I'm not a mombie.Copy !req
73. Emily,
party in the hills!Copy !req
74. You want to go?Copy !req
75. Did you go poopy
in your diapy?Copy !req
76. In my defense, you did shit
your pants at the party.Copy !req
77. Pfft, and we haven't written
a new song since.Copy !req
78. Ugh, our Gotye parody
is still relevant!Copy !req
79. What are you doing?Copy !req
80. How'd you do that
so fast?Copy !req
81. I'm 26.Copy !req
82. Interested, seriously?Copy !req
83. I have a busy weekend.Copy !req
84. Ugh!Copy !req
85. In honor of your
Medieval-Times-aversary,Copy !req
86. mugs of grog
for ye and ye mate.Copy !req
87. Me mate is not here.Copy !req
88. Why not?
What happened?Copy !req
89. I should've seen
the signs.Copy !req
90. We've been
drifting apart.Copy !req
91. All he cares about
is his book and...Copy !req
92. In honor of your
Medieval-Times-aversary,Copy !req
93. mugs of grog
for ye and ye mate.Copy !req
94. Ugh, without Alex here,Copy !req
95. this grog just tastes
like horse pee.Copy !req
96. He's onto us, Cletus!
Switch to plan B!Copy !req
97. Get your brownies,
piping hot and authenticCopy !req
98. to the time period!Copy !req
99. Ugh.Copy !req
100. Oh, hey.Copy !req
101. You hungry, boy?Copy !req
102. Man's best friend,
unlike stupid Alex.Copy !req
103. Who Alex?Copy !req
104. Aah! Ugh!Copy !req
105. Me dog and boy.Copy !req
106. Dude, that's awesome!Copy !req
107. Dude!Copy !req
108. Dude!Copy !req
109. Whoa, I cant believe you live
in this van, so cool!Copy !req
110. Me try
to make it homey.Copy !req
111. Me copied Dwellmagazine.Copy !req
112. Wow. Your owner must be
pretty awesome.Copy !req
113. Me owner
opposite of awesome.Copy !req
114. Me owner not awesome.Copy !req
115. She once
brilliant scientist,Copy !req
116. but she play God,
make human-animal hybrids!Copy !req
117. She treated me
like I was specialCopy !req
118. until she not like
the way me act.Copy !req
119. You think
you're so smart, huh?Copy !req
120. You think I can't clone
another dogCopy !req
121. that knows how
to wear underpants?Copy !req
122. Me only joy was watching
Jim Carrey movies.Copy !req
123. Me watched
"The Mask" 300 times.Copy !req
124. "Somebody stop me!"Copy !req
125. It probably
why I so well-adjusted.Copy !req
126. Years pass.Copy !req
127. I tried to improve, but nothing
was good enough for her.Copy !req
128. Your performance
is an abomination!Copy !req
129. I'll have to bury the project
and bury you!Copy !req
130. Me realize
it time to go.Copy !req
131. Me wants to be free,
free to see the world,Copy !req
132. free to make
my own choices!Copy !req
133. Been on run ever since.Copy !req
134. Well, I'm glad
you're safe now.Copy !req
135. Me never be safe.Copy !req
136. Do all dog boys
feel this alone?Copy !req
137. I think
you're the only dog boy.Copy !req
138. Oh, all righty then.Copy !req
139. Ah, you really
get me, Dog Boy.Copy !req
140. Actually, me name Tory.Copy !req
141. Yeah, I like Dog Boy.Copy !req
142. How about DB?
Nah, just Dog Boy.Copy !req
143. Hmm, okay!Copy !req
144. You got anything
to rhyme with drifterCopy !req
145. Ugh, I can't believe
you brought your daughter.Copy !req
146. Pearl is hanging out
with Candice,Copy !req
147. and Josh is hanging out
with some dog, so let's do this!Copy !req
148. Yes!Copy !req
149. We are going to write
so many songs!Copy !req
150. And I am totally
going to focus!Copy !req
151. Mom Emily
would answer that.Copy !req
152. Musician Emily
does not pick up.Copy !req
153. Uh, okay,
just this once.Copy !req
154. Hi, sweetie!Copy !req
155. Yeah, you can watch
a movie with Pearl.Copy !req
156. Wait.
Did you say "Training Day"?Copy !req
157. Hold up.
You're going in and out.Copy !req
158. Ugh.Copy !req
159. Hey, man. I know our whole
Medieval Times thingCopy !req
160. is still really important
to you.Copy !req
161. No, it's fine.Copy !req
162. I met the coolest guy there,
the coolest.Copy !req
163. You went without me?
I did, and it was smoking!Copy !req
164. I don't meant to bother you,
but I'm looking for a lost dog.Copy !req
165. Sorry.
We haven't seen him.Copy !req
166. Are you sure?Copy !req
167. Nope, haven't seen him, uh,
no dogs in the building!Copy !req
168. Bye!
That her!
She must track van!Copy !req
169. Jesus!
What the hell is that?Copy !req
170. Dog Boy isn't a that.Copy !req
171. He's my new best friend.Copy !req
172. It's stereotype that dog
is man's best friend,Copy !req
173. but in this case,
it true.Copy !req
174. Dog Boy got
his degree online.Copy !req
175. He's basically
as smart as you.Copy !req
176. University of Phoenix.
Go, browsers!Copy !req
177. Hey, boy.Copy !req
178. You want to go check out
some Jim Carrey landmarks?Copy !req
179. Coast is clear, so this
concludes our broadcast day.Copy !req
180. Click.
- How dare you?Copy !req
181. Quoting "The Cable Guy"
was our thing.Copy !req
182. Come on, Dog Boy.Copy !req
183. Let's go do more quotes
in the van.Copy !req
184. Fine!Copy !req
185. Then I guess I'll uncancel
all my meetingsCopy !req
186. with LA's
top literary agentsCopy !req
187. who specialize
in viking science fictionCopy !req
188. for young adults.Copy !req
189. A van with a dog's head?Copy !req
190. Some people have no class.Copy !req
191. I swear I've seen that van
somewhere, from some cold case.Copy !req
192. Mom, you're supposed to be
retired from cop stuff!Copy !req
193. Why can't you play mahjong like
the rest of the old ladies?Copy !req
194. Cold cases are
my mahjong!Copy !req
195. Hey, Candice.
You want to catch a criminal?Copy !req
196. Can I be a corrupt cop?Copy !req
197. I want to be Denzel!Copy !req
198. Go get my computer, Randy!Copy !req
199. It's huge!Copy !req
200. Just go get it!Copy !req
201. You used to
let me be Denzel.Copy !req
202. To new best friends!Copy !req
203. To new friends!Copy !req
204. What the hell!
That thing ate my manuscript?Copy !req
205. That's it!Copy !req
206. Found your dog.Copy !req
207. Meet me at —
Ugh.Copy !req
208. Oh, good, you here!Copy !req
209. Me love your book.Copy !req
210. My book?
But I thought you ripped it up?Copy !req
211. Oh, no, me just rip up partCopy !req
212. where Alexi die
in space battle.Copy !req
213. Alexi good character
with much to live for.Copy !req
214. Need him for next book.Copy !req
215. You think there
could be a sequel?Copy !req
216. Sequel?Copy !req
217. Me think FutureViking 3030
could be franchise.Copy !req
218. Wow, that is
a huge compliment.Copy !req
219. Oh, no.Copy !req
220. Phew, okay.Copy !req
221. Me online professor said
me had nose for prosCopy !req
222. and other
dogs' buttholes.Copy !req
223. Ha! You, sir,
are a delight!Copy !req
224. Vis-a-vis, uh, sniffing
on those buttholes, uh...Copy !req
225. Hey, wasn't sure if you were
more into pizza rollsCopy !req
226. or dog chow,
so I got both for toni—Copy !req
227. What's going on here?Copy !req
228. Oh, my friend here just gave meCopy !req
229. some really thorough notes
on my book.Copy !req
230. It wasn't exactly, "You are
the king of books, dude,"Copy !req
231. but I found it insightful.Copy !req
232. Oh, so now my feedback
is too dumb for you?Copy !req
233. Uh, excuse me, bros.Copy !req
234. Dog Boy need to find a hydrant
with his name on it.Copy !req
235. What's your deal?Copy !req
236. I'm just having a stimulating
rap sesh with a fellow writer.Copy !req
237. There's no way that you're
hanging out with Dog Boy.Copy !req
238. Dog-boy loves
Medieval Times,Copy !req
239. and you think
you're better than that!Copy !req
240. Oh, I think both me
and Dog Boy —Copy !req
241. Dog-boy!Copy !req
242. Comic Sans?Copy !req
243. I mean, an address?Copy !req
244. We've got the sex.
We've got the drugs.Copy !req
245. Let's comedy
rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
246. Yeah, yeah, roll.Copy !req
247. What are you doing?Copy !req
248. - What?
- Are you checking your phone?Copy !req
249. What?
No!Copy !req
250. Okay. I was, but look how cute
Candice is being!Copy !req
251. You think Weird Al
checks his phoneCopy !req
252. during songwriting
sessions?Copy !req
253. No, he probably has
a parody phoneCopy !req
254. like a banana or something,
but who cares?Copy !req
255. You checked your phone
during your wedding.Copy !req
256. And I'm not married
anymore!Copy !req
257. Come on!
Let's focus!Copy !req
258. Fine.Copy !req
259. I just want to post that.Copy !req
260. Here, I'll show you a post!Copy !req
261. Post up!Copy !req
262. Mother —Copy !req
263. Time to see who owns
that damn van.Copy !req
264. Mm, I got you now,
Meredith Breedmore!Copy !req
265. To protect the sheep,
you got to catch the wolf,Copy !req
266. and it takes a wolf
to catch a wolf.Copy !req
267. Now you say one
of Ethan Hawke's lines.Copy !req
268. No one knows his part!Copy !req
269. So it wasn't enough for
you to ruin one friendship.Copy !req
270. You had to super-size it
and make it a combo!Copy !req
271. Ah, do you make
any references past 1998?Copy !req
272. You're like an old sweater that
I've had in my closet forever,Copy !req
273. and I can't throw it away
because I feel bad for it.Copy !req
274. Well, you're just like
a fat bearded sweaterCopy !req
275. that used to be skinnier
and without a beard.Copy !req
276. Ugh, your metaphors
are really terrible!Copy !req
277. Good because
I hate metaphors,Copy !req
278. and I definitely know
what those are.Copy !req
279. I cannot believe
you did that.Copy !req
280. I can't believe you haven't
focused on this bandCopy !req
281. since baby Yoko
came along.Copy !req
282. Well, then maybe
I'm quitting the band!Copy !req
283. Well, you quit the band
a long time ago!Copy !req
284. Um, e — excuse me.
Uh, is this your phone?Copy !req
285. It hit me while I was posting
a new song online.Copy !req
286. America's only respected
comedy songwriter...Copy !req
287. Weird Al Yankovic!Copy !req
288. Hey, when I'm with my family,
it's just Dad Al Yankovic.Copy !req
289. This is insane!Copy !req
290. We came to the woods
to write a new comedy song.Copy !req
291. Yeah, w — w — w —
well, we were supposed to.Copy !req
292. I'm focused on it, but Emily
doesn't seem to care.Copy !req
293. I do care.Copy !req
294. I think you can write songs
and focus on your family.Copy !req
295. And I think family
gets in the way!Copy !req
296. Who's right, Weird Al?Copy !req
297. Oh, oh, okay. First of all,
there are no sides.Copy !req
298. There are so many ways
to create a great piece of art.Copy !req
299. No matter what I'm writing,
whether it's "Eat It"Copy !req
300. or "Amish Paradise,"Copy !req
301. I always just try to be
true to myself.Copy !req
302. And after that,
I sharpen a narwhal tusk,Copy !req
303. puncture the heel
of my left footCopy !req
304. and use the blood to summon
the demon song godCopy !req
305. Nishquantasi.Copy !req
306. The demon song god?Copy !req
307. Yeah!Copy !req
308. Is that part
of the process?Copy !req
309. No, that's a bear.Copy !req
310. Aah!
I just wanted a Gotye parody!Copy !req
311. Aah!Copy !req
312. Oh, my God! That bear is mauling
Weird Al!Copy !req
313. Run!Copy !req
314. Forsooth, halt!Copy !req
315. I think
that was English!Copy !req
316. What the hell?Copy !req
317. Is that possum
wearing sunglasses?Copy !req
318. Great!
Of course she took Dog Boy
to an impenetrable fortress!Copy !req
319. Game over, man,
game over!Copy !req
320. I'm coming
for you, Dog Boy!Copy !req
321. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?Copy !req
322. Aah!Copy !req
323. Whah!Copy !req
324. Aah!Copy !req
325. Dog Boy?Copy !req
326. Dog Boy?Copy !req
327. Damn it!
That was a very expensive door!Copy !req
328. What are you doing
to myfriend?Copy !req
329. You mean myfriend,
probably more mine than his.Copy !req
330. Me miss you guys!Copy !req
331. But you probably miss
one more than the other.Copy !req
332. Am I right, buddy?Copy !req
333. Silence!Copy !req
334. Dog Boy is my property.Copy !req
335. You're interrupting
my life's work.Copy !req
336. Okay.
What's your game, Meredith?Copy !req
337. Are you trying to
make furries even sexier?Copy !req
338. My note — Add more nips.Copy !req
339. What? No!
I'm trying to make this!Copy !req
340. What?
Huh?Copy !req
341. Huh?Copy !req
342. You're making
animal movies?Copy !req
343. Audiences are sick
of CG talking animals.Copy !req
344. Practical effects
are back in demand,Copy !req
345. and I'm going to make a fortune
off the backs of these hybrids.Copy !req
346. She force me
to act in these movies.Copy !req
347. That's why I try to escape.Copy !req
348. But wait. What about you saying
you wanted to be freeCopy !req
349. to make your own choices?Copy !req
350. Yeah, acting choices.Copy !req
351. What about her testing
your performance?Copy !req
352. Oh, yeah, me not testing well
among 18-to-34-year-olds.Copy !req
353. So you weren't
being tortured?Copy !req
354. If you had to make sense
of her terrible plots,Copy !req
355. you'd feel tortured, too!Copy !req
356. Bad dog! I know how to make you
more obedient!Copy !req
357. It's time for
a special director's cut.Copy !req
358. You're going to take his —Copy !req
359. Yep, in order to make
more dog boys,Copy !req
360. I just need what's
in his bean bags,Copy !req
361. his danglies,
his bing-bongs.Copy !req
362. Oh, my God, lady,
just say balls!Copy !req
363. Not one step closer,
gentleman!Copy !req
364. That squirrel kind of looks
like Candice.Copy !req
365. I really wasn't trying
to compare Candice to Yoko.Copy !req
366. She's a great kid.Copy !req
367. I'm sorry I wasn't focused
on our music, Bridge.Copy !req
368. The truth is,
I love the band,Copy !req
369. but I couldn't give it
everything you could.Copy !req
370. I love you
like a sister!Copy !req
371. And I love you like
a half-sister!Copy !req
372. I just —
I have a sister already,Copy !req
373. and I don't throw
that stuff around easily.Copy !req
374. They're going away.Copy !req
375. We're not going to die!Copy !req
376. Is that Josh and Alex!Copy !req
377. Did that do anything?Copy !req
378. Who cares?
Just run!Copy !req
379. Aah!
Oh, geez!Copy !req
380. Whoa!Copy !req
381. Aah!
Ah, no, no.Copy !req
382. To be or not to be!
Ugh!Copy !req
383. Huh?Copy !req
384. That'll be
quite enough, boys.Copy !req
385. You sure this best way
to neuter Dog Boy?Copy !req
386. I'm sorry about not going to
Medieval Times with you.Copy !req
387. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
388. I was being a dick to you,
but you know what?Copy !req
389. We tried to save
Dog Boy together.Copy !req
390. Together.Copy !req
391. Hey, man,
you want to hearCopy !req
392. the most annoying
sound in the world?Copy !req
393. Ugh, I do, man.Copy !req
394. I do.Copy !req
395. Eeeeeeh!Copy !req
396. Eeeeeh!Copy !req
397. Don't stop.
It's working!Copy !req
398. Eeeeeeeeeeh!Copy !req
399. Eeeeeh!Copy !req
400. Guys! Guys!
Ugh!Copy !req
401. Best friends!
He's okay!Copy !req
402. You two good team.Copy !req
403. We're just happy you're okay,
Dog Boy!Copy !req
404. Meredith Breedmore, your day
of reckoning has come!Copy !req
405. No, I'm doing the world
a service, better animalCopy !req
406. acting, better —
Ugh!Copy !req
407. I knew I seen that van before
because nothing gets past me,Copy !req
408. and now we finally got youCopy !req
409. for these six unpaid
parking tickets.Copy !req
410. What about my animals?Copy !req
411. What animals?Copy !req
412. Take her away, boys.Copy !req
413. Wait! Wait!
Wait!Copy !req
414. Aah! Aah! Oh!
Fly higher!Copy !req
415. Bridgette?
Emily?Copy !req
416. We saw everything.Copy !req
417. I think we might have
an idea for a song.Copy !req
418. This is a new song
that we just wrote.Copy !req
419. It goes out
to our new friend, Dog Boy.Copy !req
420. Take it, Dog Boy!Copy !req
421. Bye, Dog Boy!Copy !req
422. All righty then.Copy !req
423. All righty then!Copy !req
424. Let me
tell you something!Copy !req
425. Are they okay, Mommy?Copy !req
426. Yeah, sometimes old friends
say stuff no one else gets.Copy !req
427. But they're
really weird, right?Copy !req
428. So weird.Copy !req