Clone High 1x12

Directed by Ted Collyer • Harold Harris

John Stamos as Himself (voice) • Andy Dick as Sexual Education Officer (voice) • Andy Dick as Thomas Edison (voice) • Joe Flaherty as Abe’s Foster Dad (voice) • John Stamos as John Stamos (voice) • Judah Miller as Scangrade (voice) • Andy Dick as Mr. Sheepman / Thomas Edison / Sexual Education Officer (voice) • Neil Flynn as Julius Caesar / Tux Guy / Moses (voice)

It's prom night, and Abe finds himself torn between Cleo and Joan, Gandhi forms a prom posse, and the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures threatens to take back the clones.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Tonight, on a very special part one

2. of a very special two-part season finale of Clone High,

3. it's prom season, and Abe must choose

4. between the woman he loves

5. and that other girl with the red hair.

6. Hey, Mike, bring up that shot of the two of them roll—

7. Yeah, that's the one.

8. Well, I'll be in my trailer.

9. Marie Antoinette, will you go to the prom with me?

10. Merde!

11. Anne Boleyn...

12. You think people are going a little overboard

13. on these prom invitations?

14. Helen of Troy, will you go to the prom with Nostradamus?

15. Uh, no.

16. I knew you were going to say that.

17. Ugh, if you're gonna ask a girl to prom,

18. try to avoid the usual clichés,

19. like your helicopter or your talking fetal horse.

20. Whatever, I don't need some guy in rented pants

21. taking me to a dance.

22. Dance?

23. Joan, you know the expression

24. "Prom is the single most important event in your life"?

25. No.

26. Well, now you do.

27. You want to be president?

28. Well, you better go to prom, because all of them did.

29. Plus, prom is the night

30. where everyone steps up a base, sex-wise.

31. Uh, listen, Abe, I really don't want to go to prom.

32. Abe, why are you wasting time on that eyesore Joan?

33. Shouldn't you be planning

34. on how you're asking me to the prom?

35. Which, since I'm Cleopatra, will be the most original

36. and elaborate prom-posal this school has ever seen.

37. Yeah, yeah, I'll get to it, Cleo.

38. Oh, Joan, you poor spinster.

39. I'll make sure you get to prom, one way or another.

40. Whoooo! Whoo!

41. So, um, do you have a prom date?

42. No takers so far, Marie Curie,

43. but I can't wait to tear up the dance floor.

44. And now that my testicles have descended,

45. I can't wait for some serious dry humping.

46. Yeah.

47. Dry what?

48. You know, like this...

49. But with your clothes on.

50. That sounds kind of nice.

51. Can't talk now, Marie.

52. Got to go find me a prom date.

53. Are you sure making a documentary

54. revealing your evil plan is the best idea?

55. Quiet, Mr. B. It's on.

56. I first got the idea for Cloney Island

57. after seeing the movie Jurassic Park III.

58. But my ill-conceived amusement park will be filled

59. with human clones instead of zoo animals.

60. It's as foolproof as the amusement park

61. in the movie itself.

62. Stamos on line two.

63. Is it prom season already?

64. He beat me out for prom king in high school,

65. and every year, he calls to rub it in.

66. John! Good to hear from you.

67. Yes, I do remember that.

68. Yeah, you won, all right.

69. Uh, say hi to Rebecca for me.

70. Okay, sure.

71. I will. Okay? Yeah.

72. Stamos!

73. Oh! There goes my whole day!

74. I hate Stamos!

75. Motherfu—

76. You know, Cleo,

77. prom is an important time for all teens.

78. For example, it's where we all lose our virginity.

79. I mean, right, we're all virgins.

80. Cleo, I have something important to ask you.

81. Cleo, will you please do me the honor

82. of giving Joan a makeover so she can get a prom date?

83. What?

84. Abe, even though we're going out,

85. you still have to ask me to prom,

86. and my invite has to be perfect in every way.

87. Because, and this may have slipped your mind,

88. I'm Cleopatra.

89. Joan, I'm on it.

90. I'm just procrastinating for some reason.

91. There's no time to explain why.

92. But here's a little joke to tide you over.

93. I've seen the other invites.

94. Two words: Bor-ing.

95. Catherine the Great,

96. you ready to do the dry humpty hump?

97. Ah, get off your high horse.

98. Susan B. Anthony,

99. I got a dollar that says

100. you got an addiction to friction.

101. Eva Perón.

102. You keep your distance!

103. I just want someone to love,

104. dry hump, leave, and then brag about.

105. Is that so wrong?

106. Get a load of that loser.

107. Talking to himself in the mirror.

108. You, handsome guy.

109. What're you looking at?

110. I'm looking at you, hotshot.

111. Your devilish good looks don't impress me.

112. Well, what would impress you, dreamboat?

113. Getting that shrimp cocktail, Gandhi, a prom date is what.

114. What, are you cuckoo?

115. What's the matter, turkey? Chicken?

116. A fin says I get the crybaby a prom date.

117. You got yourself a bet.

118. You got yourself a bet, pretty boy.

119. Ugh, why do you let that guy get to you?

120. Abe, you mentioned an important prom decision

121. that you made about me?

122. That's right, Joan.

123. I did, Joan.

124. Joan, would you make me the happiest guy on Earth

125. and accompany me to...

126. the mirror so I can give you a makeover

127. so some other guy will go to prom with you?

128. Oh, Abe, of course I'd love—

129. Uh, make-what now?

130. Don't thank me yet.

131. We got a lot of work to do.

132. A lot of work.

133. Uh, in what universe would I ever let you

134. give me a makeover?

135. In the universe where I care about you, Joan.

136. God knows I should be busy planning a fancy way

137. to invite Cleo to prom,

138. but I can't get you out of my mind.

139. I'm in your mind?

140. We'll have to spend a lot of time alone together.

141. Alone... together?

142. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

143. Oh, Abe, I've been waiting for this moment my whole—

144. Makeover!

145. Joan, are you ready to be blown away?

146. Joan, wait!

147. You forgot your sexy vampire teeth.