1. Previously,
on a very special Clone High...
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2. I'll sleep when I die.
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3. You'll die
if you don't sleep!
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4. I was thinking
we could sleep together.
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5. And that was really something.
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6. But it's crap compared to
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7. this very special episode
of Clone High.
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8. Hello, it is I,
Dan Patrick,
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9. here with Chris Berman.
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10. Welcome to the Clone High
High School pep rally
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11. as they prepare
for the big homecoming game
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12. against archrival GESH.
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13. Word, Dan.
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14. GESH—that's Genetically
Engineered Superhuman High—
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15. has dominated this storied
three-year rivalry.
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16. You said an expository mouthful,
my versatile friend.
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17. Clone High has yet to score
a single point on GESH.
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18. That may change
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19. thanks to their new and
extremely untested captain,
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20. Abe "Weakest" Lincoln.
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21. And here comes Ghandi as
school mascot DNA Dan.
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22. And now DNA Dan
will unfurl
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23. the traditional homecoming
spirit banner.
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24. My sources tell me this year,
it's going to say,
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25. "Clone High Rules," Chris.
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26. Dear God.
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27. The inspirational banner
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28. has been defaced
by GESH, Chris.
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29. I've never seen a worse
atrocity, Dan,
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30. and let me remind you
I was in that movie
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31. where Whoopi Goldberg
coached the Knicks.
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32. Hey, Chris,
we've sure provided
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33. a lot of background
information, haven't we?
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34. We sure have, Dan.
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35. The odd thing is, my mic
isn't even plugged in.
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36. That's nothing, Chris.
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37. I've been talking into my fist
for the last five minutes.
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38. Ghandi is pissed, yo.
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39. I worked my beige ass off
on that banner.
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40. I'm going to get those
GESH freaks back,
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41. because if Mahatma Ghandi
stands for anything,
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42. it's revenge!
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43. Ghandi's scream
was right.
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44. The stakes were here.
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45. But now they're here.
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46. Those GESH hoodlums
are going to feel the wrath
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47. of 104 pounds of
all-beef captain.
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48. And the wrath of 105 pounds
of grade-A girl meat.
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49. I'm playing on the team
this year, captain.
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50. Oh, Joan.
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51. You know the rules.
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52. No girls or animals
can play on the boys' teams.
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53. But I beat you
every time we play.
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54. You were keeping score?
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55. Ugh!
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56. Joan, wait.
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57. Maybe you should try on
my letterman's jacket.
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58. You mean—
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59. That's right, Joan.
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60. I'm giving it to Cleo
at the homecoming prom,
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61. and I want to see
how it fits a girl.
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62. What makes you think
Cleo wants your jacket?
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63. You had one date with her,
and she went home with JFK!
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64. Her house is more
on his way home.
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65. I may be blind,
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66. but I can still hear someone
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67. not following through
on her jump shot.
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68. What's troubling you, Joan?
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69. Oh, Toots, I know I could help
the boys' basketball team,
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70. but the rules don't allow
girls or animals.
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71. Joanie, you may find this
hard to believe,
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72. but there was a time
before racism was eradicated
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73. when they wouldn't let black
folks play organized sports.
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74. So racism kept you
from playing pro basketball?
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75. Yes, Joan.
Yes, it did.
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76. Over here.
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77. Yes, Joan.
Yes, it did.
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78. As usual, your words have
inspired me, Toots.
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79. I know just what I'm gonna do.
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80. Ha! Still got it.
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81. Ooh!
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82. Colonel Principal,
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83. my counterpart at GESH.
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84. We meet again.
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85. I say, Scudworth,
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86. I reckon it's time
for our annual wager.
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87. That's good julep.
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88. Now, I'm a sportin' man,
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89. so this year,
I'm willing to bet
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90. that your puny clones
can't even score
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91. a single point off of my boys.
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92. What? My clones will wipe
the floor with your mutants.
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93. In this instance,
"wipe the floor"
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94. means "score a point on."
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95. What would you
care to wager?
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96. Last year,
if you recall,
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97. I won your
first-born child.
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98. You leave Brian out of it.
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99. No, let's up the ante.
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100. Loser does
the winner's laundry...
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101. for a week!
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102. All right, Scudworth.
You've got yourself a deal.
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103. By the way, how is Brian?
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104. Delicious!
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105. Knock, knock.
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106. Who's there?
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107. GESH.
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108. GESH who?
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109. GESH who's going
to beat Clone High!
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110. GESH! GESH! GESH!
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111. Ha! Ha! Ha!
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112. And let's hear it for our
minister of comedy,
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113. Detlef Schrempf.
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114. And, finally,
a man who needs no introduction,
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115. our mascot, Geshie!
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116. GESH seems invincibly
prank-proof,
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117. even that spirit guy.
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118. That's it, Ghengis!
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119. The spirit guy!
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120. We'll steal his mascot costume
and do something to it.
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121. But what?
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122. We'll poop in it!
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123. Hey, Cleo.
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124. I'm dedicating
this next shot to you.
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125. Dinger.
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126. Who are you?
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127. My name is John Dark.
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128. As in Joan D'Arc,
the French name for Joan of Arc?
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129. No.
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130. Nothing like that at all.
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