Clone High 1x2

Directed by Christopher Miller • Phil Lord • Ted Collyer • Harold Harris

Sarah Chalke as X-Stream Erin • Donald Faison as X-Stream Bob (voice) • Zach Braff as X-Stream Mike • Marilyn Manson as Himself • Donald Faison as Wally (voice) • Neil Flynn as Carl (voice) • Sarah Chalke as X-Stream Erin (voice) • Zach Braff as X-Stream Mike (voice) • Marilyn Manson as Marilyn Manson (voice) • Donald Faison as X-Stream Bob / Wally (voice)

Abe runs for class president in an attempt to impress Cleopatra, but when Abe sells out to a corporate sponsorship, Joan questions his leadership abilities, and Gandhi falls ill.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Previously, on a very special Clone High:

2. Tempers flared,

3. robotic butlers cared,

4. saliva was shared,

5. and you, the audience, were moved very, very deeply.

6. Trust me.

7. All students are special at Clone High,

8. but only some students are ostracized

9. because they're special.

10. That is why it is my great pleasure,

11. as president of the student body,

12. to officially dedicate this impassable moat,

13. protecting us from the special ed. classroom.

14. Surprised Cleopatra didn't fill the moat with acid.

15. Actually, Cleo says it would kill the piranhas.

16. Joan of Arc, don't think about the moat

17. in terms of its divisive ignorance,

18. think of it as an opportunity for building community.

19. Hey, community!

20. Skinny-dipping in the piranha moat!

21. Yow!

22. Everybody get naked!

23. Whoo!

24. Finally,

25. I won't be running for re-election this year.

26. This is probably the last time

27. I'll ever use these oversized novelty scissors.

28. Unless a giant needs a haircut.

29. Oh, God.

30. I've got to go console her.

31. Abe Lincoln, don't.

32. She's just trying to get attention

33. and you're falling for it.

34. Ugh, it makes me so mad I could kiss you.

35. What was that last part?

36. I'm sorry, what?

37. No, I said I could piss glue.

38. As in,

39. "Oh, I'm so angry I could piss glue."

40. I've never heard of that.

41. Well, it's a very common expression.

42. Huh.

43. Well, see ya.

44. Stupid, Joan.

45. Real stupid.

46. Oh, JFK.

47. I can't bear to talk about it.

48. Thank God, because I hate it when—

49. It all started freshman year.

50. I was elected president.

51. But now...

52. Oh, JFK.

53. There, there.

54. It's term limits, Jack.

55. Dirty, dirty term limits.

56. My only hope is if someone,

57. and I have no idea who,

58. could run for president, win,

59. abolish term limits, resign,

60. and endorse me as his replacement.

61. But who?

62. Who?

63. Huh?

64. Oh, thank you, JFK.

65. Thank you for your courage.

66. Can we make out now?

67. Totally.

68. Hey, Cleo.

69. Oh.

70. Your secret army of clone historical figures

71. is maturing according to schedule.

72. I'm sorry, Scudworth, is that a scale model

73. behind you labeled "Dr. Scudworth's Evil Plan"?

74. Say!

75. Where'd you get those fresh Pumas, bro?

76. Actually, we're sponsored by Puma.

77. These bad boys are catalogue only.

78. If you're implying that I intend

79. to steal the clones away from you

80. and use them in an expensive clone theme amusement park,

81. then shame on you.

82. By the by, could I have $2 million?

83. You know...

84. for dry-erase markers and such.

85. They've got some keen new colors.

86. There's kiwi and...

87. mango.

88. For giggles, I'm going to keep saying "no"

89. until you turn the TV off.

90. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—

91. Perhaps you could get

92. Clone High a corporate sponsor.

93. Those Pumas were rather fresh.

94. Sell out?

95. And turn the school into an ad

96. for some profit-hungry corporation?

97. Why, that idea's as foolish

98. as getting new brakes from anywhere but Midas.

99. I can't believe JFK is running unopposed.

100. I mean, you'd think with a school full of world leaders

101. someone would be into student government.

102. Well, I'm a genetic duplicate of Abe Lincoln

103. and I'm not fit to be president.

104. If I only knew what fears

105. and insecurities were holding me back.

106. Abe, you should run.

107. I'll manage your campaign.

108. Together, we'll fight for things that really matter,

109. like new bishops for the chess club.

110. So what you're saying is,

111. if I run for president, I can get Cleo to like me.

112. That's why she likes JFK,

113. because he's a natural leader.

114. Great idea, Joan.

115. Clumsy, Joan.

116. Really clumsy.

117. So...

118. your product is called—

119. X-Stream Blu!

120. It's a power snack!

121. Stick it in your face hole!

122. This is something you eat?

123. It's really just pancake batter

124. mixed with blue house paint in a sports bottle.

125. Sick! Tight!

126. Cyber awesome!

127. I see.

128. Now, for allowing you to test market

129. this X-Stream Blu on my students,

130. I am willing to be paid $2 million.

131. Allow me to confer with my associates.

132. - To the max! - Literally!

133. I have low self-esteem!

134. We accept your offer.

135. Dead presidents, Mr. B.

136. Ask not what your student body president

137. can do for you,

138. ask what you can do

139. to your student body president's body.

140. Okay, there's nothing to worry about.

141. He's just making empty promises

142. and detailing his workout routine.

143. And on Fridays, I do abs and legs,

144. but not calves.

145. As you recall,

146. I do those with my lats on Wednesdays!

147. Thank you!

148. Good luck.

149. My name is Abraham Lincoln

150. and I'm running for student body president.

151. I love you, JFK!

152. We've got a lot of tough issues facing us right now,

153. such as adding a second section of AP calculus

154. for those who have a conflict between that class

155. and AP physics.

156. But first and foremost,

157. we must get tinted windows for the albino wing.

158. Whoo!

159. Okay, you're done.

160. Young men and women, please give it up for

161. the X-Stream Blu mega crew!

162. Hey, everyone!

163. I'm Tyler, that's Paco,

164. and we want you to get up out of your seats

165. and clap your hands to the beat.

166. 'Cause we're gonna tell you about X-Stream Blu,

167. a new max wicked food product

168. that lives where extreme meets blue.

169. It comes in a totally sick wide-mouth squeeze bottle!

170. Email!

171. That looks so good!

172. What's in it?

173. Great question!

174. Have a t-shirt.

175. That totally answers my question!

176. Man, the audience was not having that.

177. Huh, guys?

178. Um, Abe?

179. Just give me a few more minutes of denial.