Clarence 1x50

Damien C. Haas as Nathan (voice) • Donovan Patton as Mr. Reese (voice) • Rick Zieff as Brad (voice)

Ms. Baker introduces a new student, a short little kid with a hook for a hand named Balance. Clarence is pumped to have a new friend, despite Balance’s gruff attitude and snarky jibes at the other kids.

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!req Clarence 1x50 [02:32]
!req Clarence 1x50 [Clarence 1x50]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Well, class, I'm sure you've noticed

2. we have a new student with us today.

3. Would you like to get up and say something about yourself?

4. We're all friends here. Don't be shy.

5. I hear ya. I hear ya.

6. Well, they calls me Balance.

7. Guess it's like how they say.

8. Ya lead a man to the creek,

9. and before ya know it, he ain't got much to drink.

10. Ain't that right... Melanie, is it?

11. Uh... "Ms. Baker" is fine.

12. She sure is.

13. Sweeter than niller puddin' I might add.

14. Anyway, before I show y'all my good hand,

15. ya best calm yourselves, y'heard?

16. I said calm yourselves!

17. That's better.

18. Well, enchanté.

19. Well, ain't that a plum playin' hard t'get.

20. 'round my patch a lady kiss a man's good hand on meetin'.

21. But I'll play it your way.

22. Ow!

23. It's you! Balance, right?

24. That was so cool

25. when you showed your hook hand and everyone freaked out.

26. My name is Clarence. I used to be a new kid too.

27. But I think I've pretty much been to every room

28. in the school now, except the girls' room.

29. Now I can show you around. Here are the lockers.

30. Here's mine. It's where I keep my rocks.

31. I found this one in Jeff's yard.

32. It looks like someone took a bite out of it.

33. And this I got from Sumo's yard. It has fur.

34. Pretty neat, huh?

35. Anyway, it's almost lunch time. You wanna sit with me?

36. You been goin' around sayin' ya look like me? What?

37. You've been walkin' around saying you look like me?

38. You think you're better than me? Hmm?

39. No. I just thought we could—

40. Don't be stickin' yer nose where it don't belong,

41. or else you might just end up startin' an avalanche.

42. I said avalanche!

43. Now, what do we have here?

44. Let me see that tray, honey.

45. Now what'ya call this'n?

46. Green beans.

47. Never seen anythin' like it.

48. Wow. Balance is so cool.

49. He's new, so we should probably make him feel welcome.

50. I don't know, Clarence.

51. If he wants to be left alone, we should leave him be.

52. Plus, something's not right about that kid.

53. I'm gonna talk to him. Clarence, wait!

54. Hmm.

55. Hey, Balance. You! What'd I say?

56. We got off on the wrong foot, and I was thinkin' if you want,

57. you can sit with me and my friends to make up for it.

58. We can be seat buddies!

59. "Seat buddies," he says.

60. You just thick as a thistle bush, ain't ya?

61. Um, is that good?

62. You askin' me lots of questions, son,

63. and I don't do so good with questions.

64. Now, grub, that's a different story.

65. Hey, guys, this is my new friend.

66. He's called Balance on account of—

67. Um, why do they call you Balance?

68. Hup! Whoa!

69. I ain't your dancin' boy!

70. Y'all city slickers think you're better than me?

71. Lookit this one, shakin' like a sycamore tree.

72. Cat got your tongue?

73. And this one over here. Ain't you a big boy?

74. Loomin' over the world' like you own it all, don'tcha?

75. Uh, I'm just tall, I guess.

76. Well, a guess ain't a measure stick, now, is it?

77. No. You got a lot of girth, boy.

78. I'm feelin' a pair of eyes lickin' the back of my neck.

79. What ya starin' at, son?

80. Hmph. Ain't nothin' but a fool's gaze.

81. He's such a kidder. I hope he does me next.

82. I don't think he's funnin' around.

83. What do we have here?

84. The weird guy with the weird voice is here.

85. I'm so scared. What're you gonna do, anyway?

86. Your eyes gon' go sour!

87. You know what's wrong with you? You a sass boy.

88. I been here one day and can see no one cares for ya.

89. Ain't got no friends.

90. Only people who like you are in it

91. for your worldly possessions.

92. Well, soon enough you're gonna be all alone,

93. left high and dry with no guy to high-five!

94. Balance, how could you?

95. I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

96. But you bullied my friend Belson!

97. Time to speak up and tell an adult!

98. Balance! This is completely unacceptable!

99. You didn't provide any medical forms.

100. You get to the nurse's office to get vaccinated.

101. Come on, honey. But, Ms. Baker!

102. I'll be with you in a minute. This is important.

103. Come on, Balance.

104. I don't do kindly with shots.

105. Can I hold your hand?

106. Uh, y-yeah, okay.

107. Don't worry, buddy.

108. We got to to catch him in the act.

109. What are you talking about?

110. Catch him red-handed. Hey! Knock it—

111. Show the school how much of a bully he is.

112. Yo-ho-ho-ho, Balance.

113. Hey, uh, so, that was some great stuff back there,

114. you know, in the cafeteria,

115. talkin' about how everyone was, um, lame.

116. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. Now, move along!

117. Wait, wait! Oh, look at Clarence over there.

118. Don't you have, like, any more zingers or whatever for him?

119. Zingers? What you got there?

120. Oh! Uh, nothing.

121. You testin' my patience, son.

122. You tryin' to push my buttons?

123. Well, pretty soon ain't got no buttons left to push.

124. Hey! You leave my friends alone!

125. Wait, wait! What are you doing? Get off of me!

126. Clarence! Balance! Belson!

127. What is going on here?

128. Balance was pickin' on my friend Belson!

129. Yeah, we got it all on tape! Yeah.

130. Is this true? Well, let's hear it.

131. Come on, now. Hand it over.

132. It just sounds like Balance singing a song

133. for his agriculture project.

134. Good work, Balance.

135. Ah, thank ya kindly, Mitter Reese.

136. Now, get back to class, all of you.

137. One good trick deserves another.

138. One good man deceives his brother.

139. Well, I'm out.

140. What? No! We were so close!

141. We got to form another plan. First we're gonna—

142. Come on, man! Did you not see that?

143. He switched the tapes out in front of us.

144. Do we even have an agriculture project?

145. But what about the— No way, man.

146. I've seen some stuff in my life. This guy's bad news.

147. Yay!

148. Water me, water me.

149. Yay!

150. Uh, thank you, Percy,

151. for that very avant-garde representation

152. of an avocado's life cycle.

153. Okay, who's next?

154. It just doesn't make sense.

155. How could he switch the tapes?

156. Something's up with that Balance.

157. Okay, next up,

158. we have Darcy with her—

159. Ms. Baker, might I have the pleasure

160. of relieving myself in the little boys' room?

161. Sure. Go ahead.

162. Hmm? Hello?

163. Balance was... in the bathroom... shaving.

164. I think he's an adult... man.

165. I'm standin' there with all this stolen fruit, right?

166. And I says, "Anyone seen my goat?"

167. But— But—

168. Clarence, this is the teachers' lounge!

169. Teachers only!

170. It's okay. Let the boy stay.

171. He's just in time for the show.

172. Hand me that creamer over there.

173. Oh, uh, okay.

174. Not yet! You!

175. Try wavin' your arm under my leg.

176. Try and knock me down.

177. Uh, you sure? All right.

178. Hup! Hup!

179. Hmm. Hup!

180. That's incredible.

181. What? How did he—

182. How did I what, doc?

183. How did I switch the tapes?

184. How did I know you were gonna come here?

185. Well, you see, I've always been here, Clarence,

186. and now I've got the teachers

187. eating out of the palm of my hand.

188. H-how are you talking to me? Are you telegraphic?

189. I can make you think you're hearin' anything I want.

190. Even smell anything I want.

191. Mmm, pizza!

192. I can make you think you're smellin' your own—

193. No, wait. Lasagna?

194. Silence! Listen to me, boy.

195. There's the man's world and there's the spirit world.

196. But you can't handle my world.

197. Little bird, fly away home.

198. Your house is on fire, your children all alone.

199. Balance! You little devil!

200. Are you getting in people's minds again?

201. Oh!

202. Yowch! What the...?

203. Huh? Huh?

204. You belong to me, to my circus!

205. You don't understand!

206. They got green beans

207. and beautiful women far as the eye can see!

208. It's paradise!

209. Don't you remember, Balance?

210. We had a contract!

211. You signed it with that right hand of yours.

212. You mean the hand you took!

213. It's a hand!

214. Everyone, calm down!

215. Chumo! Beff!

216. Never!

217. My sincerest apologies

218. for the reckless endangerment of the young'uns and such.

219. Here's two complimentary admissions

220. for the next time we're in town.

221. Hyah!

222. Well, I guess it's like they say—

223. You lead a man to a creek,

224. but the creek was actually just a big old pile of mud.

225. I'm free! Heh, heh!

226. Okay, everyone, get inside!