Clarence 1x37

Directed by Raymie Muzquiz

Maria Bamford as Dilliss (voice) • Jeff Bennett as Seymour / Rooster (voice) • Kirk Thornton as Cab Driver (voice)

Things in the Wendle household are turned upside down when Mary’s mom Dyllis comes to visit, butting her way into every corner of Clarence, Mary and Chad’s life.

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!req Clarence 1x37 [Clarence 1x37]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I saw that.

2. You're picking your nose.

3. That means I can pick my nose now too.

4. What? Clarence.

5. No, I wasn't, and neither should you, all right?

6. I just had an itch. Oh. Okay.

7. Hey, Chad, I thought that mom was picking her nose,

8. but then she said that it was just an itch,

9. but it looked exactly like she was picking it.

10. Well, then she probably was, Clarence.

11. Your eyes don't lie, but your mouth can.

12. Like, the words that you say...

13. I mean... um, yeah.

14. What are you guys talking about?

15. Oh, well, we were just talking about how some people

16. pick certain excuses instead of telling the truth.

17. Oh, come on! It was itchy.

18. Sure. Okay. Whatever you say.

19. "Snot" my problem. Okay, that's not even funny.

20. Oh, could you help me with my bags?

21. I haven't taken a cab drive in years

22. because I was afraid of reckless drivers.

23. We're here and everything. I'm not sure if I can tip,

24. 'cause I only have so much cash.

25. And you're a good driver, but you scared me!

26. That one point during our drive, I thought

27. I saw you drive through a stoplight.

28. It was green, lady. I would never break the law.

29. I'm not saying you were a bad driver.

30. I don't have the money here.

31. Should I answer the door?

32. Thank you for carrying my bags.

33. This is the place! Oh, this is so exciting!

34. I wonder if they're home. I hope so.

35. Hello? Mary? Honey? I'm here! Open up!

36. Oh, it's very dark out here— Very, very dark...

37. Guess I'll just... answer it.

38. Thanks for nothin', lady!

39. Huh?

40. Mary! Oh, my Mary!

41. Oh, it's good to see you!

42. You're, uh... Hey, ma.

43. I'm sorry to just drop in surprise like this,

44. but I got thinking of you.

45. Nice to meet you— And the boy!

46. Is it a boy? I haven't seen you in two years!

47. Well, don't just stand there! Give your Nana Wendle a hug!

48. Did you get that card? I sent you a card—

49. Oh, I can't remember. Was it Easter? Some other holiday?

50. Mrs. Wendle! Aah! Oh, my goodness!

51. Who is this?

52. Damien! You look different. Your face—

53. It looks different. It's a different shape.

54. Ma, no. Damien's gone. This is my boyfriend, Chad.

55. Yeah. Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Wendle.

56. Chad? Oh, I was hoping to see Damien.

57. He was such a gentleman, and he had a—

58. Well, ma, we were about to sit down to dinner.

59. Uh, would you... like to... join us?

60. Oh! Yes. That'd be lovely.

61. I would just absolutely adore a sit-down meal

62. with my daughter and grandson... strange man.

63. Oh! Look at this! This is your home.

64. Even this corner, where it doesn't look like you cleaned.

65. I hear mold is a major issue these days,

66. have you gotten tested for mold?

67. I've been tested.

68. Your father wasn't up for visiting. 'Scuse me—

69. But I so very desperately wanted to see you and the boy.

70. Um, 'scuse me— We're not getting younger.

71. It's hard because he's got fibromyalgia,

72. and I've got corns. Um, excuse me.

73. H-how come you smell like burnt pennies all the time?

74. Hey, hey! Check it out!

75. Okay, Clarence, hand me... my dragon sword.

76. Your dragon knife has arrived.

77. Do the sound. Do the sound. Do the sound.

78. Shing!

79. It is now my honor to—

80. What is that? Oh, I don't know.

81. It's a little extreme for a meatloaf.

82. Oh, it's too sharp!

83. You should be wearing gloves. You should put that down.

84. I got some better utensils in my purse here.

85. No, no. Hold on a second.

86. I got something in here.

87. I got my thesaurus, okay. There's the salsa flier.

88. Oh. Where did I put it? Ah!

89. There we go! It is my honor to—

90. Here. Let me just cut this for you.

91. Oh! Ha. Really, it's— You stab it!

92. Uh, it's okay. You stab— Let me show you.

93. Let me show you! Aah!

94. All right, run it under cold water. It's okay.

95. Oh, I can't believe that happened.

96. Oh, my! Now, where am I gonna sleep?

97. I peeked in Clarence's room and I saw his lovely bunk bed.

98. That top bunk would be ideal.

99. Okay, okay, sure. Yeah. Uh, you can sleep with Clarence.

100. All right, hon?

101. Oh! I'd love to have one of your pictures!

102. This one. You actually can't have these.

103. They're part of a storyboard of a movie I'm making.

104. Oh. What about this hippo?

105. That's actually a really important thing I need too.

106. I got to keep it 'cause that guy's

107. a guy that drives a train that I'm making.

108. Oh. Well, there's got to be something in here you don't want

109. Like a— Would you please give me that?

110. Um... I have to leave now.

111. Can I sleep in here with you guys tonight?

112. Oh. Come on, little man. It's just for one night.

113. Right, Mary? I don't... know.

114. Mary, you only have liquid soap?

115. I can't use liquid soap because it doesn't clean

116. as well as the soap bar.

117. I never used this hard soap before.

118. I hope it doesn't give me a rash. Mary!

119. This soap smells just glorious!

120. It's like a fantastic-smelling soap on a rope!

121. My special soap!

122. Shh! Just pretend you're asleep. She'll go away.

123. this is nice. It's better than a jam or jelly.

124. Mary? Are you even in there?

125. Oh! There you are, Mary! I was worried.

126. I— You didn't answer me. I thought you—

127. I thought you had fallen asleep!

128. I'll talk to her in the morning.

129. Oh! Uh...

130. The toaster, it's, uh—

131. I need a hose. It's not working, so I—

132. Are those groceries?

133. Yeah, sometimes I like to help out around here.

134. You know, that's just what Chad does.

135. Oh, that's nice. Well, let me just help.

136. Oh, uh... okay.

137. Well, what kind of car do you drive?

138. Uh, I don't have a car. We share Mary's.

139. Oh. You don't have your own car. Damien had a great car—

140. A beautiful blue sedan with...

141. On the cruise, I met this woman who wrote a memoir,

142. and she self-published it, and it was wonderful!

143. I mean, it wasn't very good, but it was funny!

144. It was funny she wrote it.

145. That sheep looks really good there, Julien.

146. Great work, you guys. I'll be right back.

147. I got to whizz.

148. Did you finish it yet? Let me see. I can fix it.

149. I can get in there. I ca— Yeah, I can hold it.

150. Was that a sheep on a volcano?

151. Okay, just sign here.

152. So, uh, this is a good deal and stuff, then?

153. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Just sign here.

154. Okay, it's just, you know,

155. a five-year payment plan sounds kind of—

156. And here. Friend, trust me—

157. You need this car. You were meant for this car.

158. Aah! Mary?

159. Where did you get this?

160. I found this covered up under the chair.

161. Why would you have something like this?

162. It isn't something I raised you to have.

163. And I don't approve of that tattoo.

164. Some people just don't understand boundaries.

165. Nana Wemble tried to fix the TV, but it's not even broken.

166. Ma! Are you okay?

167. Wha—? Oof!

168. Oh, the kitchen. Oh, the... fridge.

169. It's still such a mess in there.

170. I had to finish it. I wanted to help.

171. What? Ma, why is everything out of the fridge?

172. Oh, Mary, I had to. I mean, I—

173. Why aren't your leftovers properly labeled

174. with permanent marker— Or crayon, at least?

175. Mary, it's all okay.

176. I was gonna surprise you, but, hey, check it out.

177. You know what these are? Keys?

178. It's a hatchback! Chad, why did you buy a car?

179. We've already got one. We can't afford another car.

180. You're crazy! Is it blue, like Damien's?

181. Ma, not now!

182. Mom, Nana ruined my diorama for school.

183. I just made it better. The sheep—

184. He had the sheep in the wrong place—

185. In a volcano. What are you teaching that boy?

186. Ma! The car and our kitchen?

187. Now— Mary, hold on a sec.

188. I can't take it anymore!

189. Uh, Mary! Remember what your therapist said.

190. You don't stop talking! You talk forever!

191. You don't stop yapping your mouth— Unh!

192. You come into my house...

193. Aah! unannounced, and you—

194. You take over.

195. Aah!

196. I'm your mother, Mary!

197. Oh!

198. Just a minute. Wait a minute, Mary!

199. You take over and you— You come over here...

200. There's no need to get angry! You broke Clarence's project!

201. You wrecked the kitchen! I can't take it anymore!

202. Dilliss. What in the heck are you doing here?

203. We were supposed to drop by

204. for a quick hello and maybe a bite to eat,

205. and instead, you go missing for the last two days?

206. I wake up for checkout, your— Your bags are gone.

207. Oh, Seymour. Thank goodness you're here.

208. Hi, Dad.

209. Hi, honey. Creedence.

210. Okay, bye. Love you.

211. Was that Damien? Boy, he's—

212. He's looking pretty rough, isn't he?

213. That's what I thought!

214. Thinking, uh... maybe do chili tonight.