1. Excuse me, cutie.
Copy !req
2. Cutie?
Who do you think you're talking to?
Copy !req
3. - Her.
- Better be.
Copy !req
4. - As long as you're here.
- I ain't here.
Copy !req
5. What's the matter? Did we get up on the
the wrong side of the web this morning?
Copy !req
6. - I hate it when they call me cutie.
- I know how you feel.
Copy !req
7. Earlier, a customer had the effrontery
to refer to me as "honey".
Copy !req
8. But that makes sense.
Honey is bee barf.
Copy !req
9. - Did that snort mean we were amused?
- No, definitely not.
Copy !req
10. That was a snort of disapproval.
Copy !req
11. - Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!
Copy !req
12. - How's life, Norm?
- Ask a man who's got one.
Copy !req
13. - Here's mine now.
- About that, Norm.
Copy !req
14. - He raised the prices.
- I was going to say.
Copy !req
15. You would have found a way
to cushion the blow.
Copy !req
16. Sure, Sam. Why not?
It's Get Norm Year. Join the fun.
Copy !req
17. - Come on. It's only a quarter.
- Only a quarter? Easy for you to say.
Copy !req
18. - Maybe this will change your tune.
- He's going for his gun.
Copy !req
19. It's my calculator, Coach.
Copy !req
20. I'll figure out how much I can drink
and still stay within my suds allowance.
Copy !req
21. - What have you got?
- I'm going to have to cut back 8.7%.
Copy !req
22. Comes out to one beer every half hour.
Copy !req
23. I'm going to have to drink
a little more slowly.
Copy !req
24. Slowing down isn't so bad.
Copy !req
25. Sam, you've got one of the cutest
waitresses I've ever seen.
Copy !req
26. Oh, stop. I'm blushing.
Copy !req
27. I meant you.
Copy !req
28. - So what?
- Sorry.
Copy !req
29. You sure are.
Copy !req
30. Romance is in the air, Sam.
Copy !req
31. - Well, I'm a little busy, but I suppose...
- Oh, Sam!
Copy !req
32. If you could see past your codpiece...
Copy !req
33. you'd notice I was referring
to that gentleman there.
Copy !req
34. He's been watching Carla all week.
Copy !req
35. Haven't you seen him give her
those looks? It's embarrassing.
Copy !req
36. If he were any more overcome with
desire, there'd be drool on his chin.
Copy !req
37. Excuse me. What were you saying?
Copy !req
38. For whatever reason, he's attracted
to Carla, but he can't get started.
Copy !req
39. - I should help him.
- You shouldn't.
Copy !req
40. We'll compromise. I'll help him.
Copy !req
41. I knew we could work this out.
Copy !req
42. - Excuse me. I'm Diane Chambers.
- Hello. Henry Zenzola.
Copy !req
43. - Nice to meet you. Mind if I sit down?
- No, please.
Copy !req
44. Henry, I'll put it right on the line.
How do you feel about Carla?
Copy !req
45. The waitress with the foul mouth
and nasty disposition?
Copy !req
46. - That's her.
- She's the hottest thing walking.
Copy !req
47. Do you want to get to know her?
I can arrange it.
Copy !req
48. You think so? I've tried all week.
She acts like I'm contagious.
Copy !req
49. Has she actually made
any retching noises?
Copy !req
50. You're in. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
51. What a nice person.
Is she always like that?
Copy !req
52. Yeah. Coach, give me a beer.
Copy !req
53. You're ahead
of your one-beer-a-half-hour schedule.
Copy !req
54. No, I'm on London time.
God save the Queen.
Copy !req
55. His name is Henry. He's interested
in you. I think you should talk to him.
Copy !req
56. I don't. If he's interested in me,
there's something wrong with him.
Copy !req
57. Carla, I assure you he's charming.
I think he's attractive. Don't you?
Copy !req
58. As cue balls go, he's a looker.
Copy !req
59. For some reason, guys I'm interested in,
or guys interested in me,
Copy !req
60. always have something
seriously wrong with them.
Copy !req
61. Carla, I can see that,
but stop feeling you're undesirable.
Copy !req
62. Are you kidding? I'm too desirable.
Copy !req
63. I'm a vermin magnet.
Copy !req
64. Come on, Carla. This guy's not like that.
He's attractive, charming, intelligent
Copy !req
65. and opposites attract, so go for him.
Copy !req
66. He's always talking there about the Sox.
He knows Yaz personally.
Copy !req
67. - Yaz?
- Yaz.
Copy !req
68. - OK, I'll talk to him.
- Oh, goody.
Copy !req
69. Just long enough to find out
what's wrong with this loser.
Copy !req
70. I like a person with an open mind.
Copy !req
71. - You're Hank?
- Yeah. How do you do.
Copy !req
72. Shut up and answer a few questions.
Copy !req
73. Where'd you come from?
We never saw you here before.
Copy !req
74. - I don't really get out that much.
- He's married.
Copy !req
75. No. I'm single.
Copy !req
76. - Ever been married?
- No.
Copy !req
77. Gay as a goose.
Copy !req
78. - What?
- I like women. Some women very much.
Copy !req
79. Hooker bait.
Copy !req
80. I don't mind being put through my paces.
I'm always one to enjoy a good game.
Copy !req
81. I hope this one gets better.
Copy !req
82. - This proves nothing.
- He is great and it's killing you.
Copy !req
83. I admit he is tough, but I'll crack him.
Copy !req
84. We're going for a cup of coffee on you.
Sam, I'm taking a break.
Copy !req
85. You got a criminal record?
Any mental illness in the family?
Copy !req
86. OK, open your mouth.
Copy !req
87. Who's the world's greatest matchmaker?
Copy !req
88. - Say it.
- I'm not going to say it.
Copy !req
89. Admit Carla and Hank have been an item
since they went out to dinner.
Copy !req
90. I hate to see that.
Copy !req
91. You think Carla's making a mistake?
Copy !req
92. No. I just had my last beer
of the 20th Century.
Copy !req
93. Hey, everybody. We came from
the game. We killed the Oilers 28 to 3.
Copy !req
94. Hank has great season seats.
Copy !req
95. Spitting distance
from the visitors' bench.
Copy !req
96. Listen, Hank, thanks a lot.
I had a great time.
Copy !req
97. I did, too.
Do you want to meet for a light supper?
Copy !req
98. I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you before.
We're through. Beat it.
Copy !req
99. - What did you find wrong with him?
- Nothing.
Copy !req
100. I do not want to talk about it. Sam,
what do you need from your office?
Copy !req
101. - Nothing.
- I'll see if you have any.
Copy !req
102. - What happened?
- I don't know. We got along so great.
Copy !req
103. Hank, sit down. Coach, pour him a beer.
Copy !req
104. I'll see if Carla needs help
finding that nothing.
Copy !req
105. Hey, Hank, you know,
when I'm really kind of depressed,
Copy !req
106. I usually like to buy a beer for a friend
who's a little behind on his beer budget.
Copy !req
107. Well, I'm not really feeling
all that depressed.
Copy !req
108. You're not? You fall hard for a girl, you
think you've got her where you want her
Copy !req
109. and she cuts you off
at the kneecaps in front...
Copy !req
110. - Set them up.
- Thank you. This'll help.
Copy !req
111. - I want to be alone.
- I'll only be a second.
Copy !req
112. I've got something important to do.
I have to fix the... immediately.
Copy !req
113. OK. All right.
Copy !req
114. - What are you doing here, Sam?
- I wanted to see if you wanted to talk.
Copy !req
115. I don't.
Copy !req
116. Sam, this guy is perfect
in every other way.
Copy !req
117. The only thing left is that he must be
lousy in bed. Who needs it?
Copy !req
118. You know, from over here, it seems
like you're just afraid to go with this.
Copy !req
119. - Being vulnerable.
- Vulnerable?
Copy !req
120. It's just a word I picked up somewhere.
Copy !req
121. I'm scared he's going to be so crazed
with desire, I'll never get rid of him.
Copy !req
122. That's not it.
You're afraid you're going to fall for him.
Copy !req
123. No, I'm not going to fall for him.
I've already fallen for him.
Copy !req
124. You're afraid he'll turn into a jerk?
Copy !req
125. - No, smart guy. He's already a jerk.
- Why's he a jerk?
Copy !req
126. - Because he's dishonest.
- Why is he dishonest?
Copy !req
127. Because he's hiding the fact
that he's a jerk.
Copy !req
128. Who's jerking who here?
You always say you're tough.
Copy !req
129. You act tough. You're not tough. Tough
guys take chances. You're chicken.
Copy !req
130. - Don't ever call me that.
- That's what you are. You're chicken.
Copy !req
131. Hey! I want to go with you. You have
been cruising on your looks for too long.
Copy !req
132. - I'm not going to fight you.
- Let's go!
Copy !req
133. Come on. You're half my size.
Copy !req
134. That's dirty!
Copy !req
135. Nobody calls me chicken. I'm going
to go out there and be vulnerable.
Copy !req
136. I'm going to go open myself to happiness
like a banshee. Can I have the night off?
Copy !req
137. Thanks.
Copy !req
138. Feel better now? Yeah, I thought so.
Copy !req
139. - Want to go to my place?
- You bet.
Copy !req
140. We can't. My kids are there.
Your place?
Copy !req
141. I'm staying with a friend
until my apartment's ready.
Copy !req
142. Diane, give me the keys to your place.
Copy !req
143. - I will not.
- You're the matchmaker.
Copy !req
144. You want this thing to work out or end up
with a broken heart? And a broken lip?
Copy !req
145. Enjoy. And, Carla, when you're done,
just burn the place.
Copy !req
146. Come on.
Copy !req
147. You made me
the happiest man on earth.
Copy !req
148. Just wait.
Copy !req
149. - Are you all right?
- Don't worry.
Copy !req
150. She didn't hurt the good stuff.
Copy !req
151. Romance in this bar
is kind of an inspiration.
Copy !req
152. You, Diane, Carla, Hank there.
Copy !req
153. Seeing you makes me think somewhere
out there there's somebody for me.
Copy !req
154. There are those that would disagree.
Copy !req
155. I'm sorry, Cliff. Just a picture
came to mind of you in the sack.
Copy !req
156. I see your mailbag draped over a chair,
next to your gabardines.
Copy !req
157. That's as far as I wanted to look.
Copy !req
158. Wait a minute. I agree with Cliff.
Cheers is a romantic bar.
Copy !req
159. Take a poor guy like Hank with
his terrible problem. He can get a girl.
Copy !req
160. - Coach, what terrible problem?
- I can't talk about it. Hank said not to.
Copy !req
161. Coach, this could be important.
Can you give us a hint or something?
Copy !req
162. A hint? OK, I got one. Lefty Cramer.
Copy !req
163. The old third baseman?
Copy !req
164. Right. Lefty has the same problem
that Hank has.
Copy !req
165. Hank can't hit a breaking pitch?
Copy !req
166. - Oh, yeah, poor Carla.
- She'll be crushed.
Copy !req
167. Come on. Keep thinking. Think.
What problem did Lefty have?
Copy !req
168. Well, he was ugly as a mud fence.
I remember that.
Copy !req
169. He was a bad dresser.
He used to spit tobacco juice all over.
Copy !req
170. Could we forget Lefty?
Copy !req
171. What's wrong with Hank?
Copy !req
172. Wait a minute. I got it.
Coach, Lefty had a heart problem.
Copy !req
173. Hank has the same thing.
The least bit of excitement, it's curtains.
Copy !req
174. - Coach, how about sex?
- Diane, I thought you were Sam's girl.
Copy !req
175. I'm talking about Hank.
Copy !req
176. Hank is seeing Carla.
Are you listening to this?
Copy !req
177. Coach, she's trying to say,
is Hank in any danger with Carla tonight?
Copy !req
178. Not at all. Not unless
he gets overexcited about something.
Copy !req
179. Sam, we've got to stop them.
Copy !req
180. Hank wouldn't have gone with Carla
if he thought it was risky.
Copy !req
181. - We've got to stop them.
- We've got to warn Carla.
Copy !req
182. What a shock if the guy
drops dead in Carla's own bed.
Copy !req
183. - Oh, God. She's in my apartment.
- You're kidding.
Copy !req
184. That's the last time I let somebody
have a great time in my bedroom. Call.
Copy !req
185. - Just call.
- What am I supposed to say?
Copy !req
186. Tell her to look on the next pillow
and count the dead people.
Copy !req
187. Norman.
Just ask her if everything's all right.
Copy !req
188. All right. The line's busy.
Copy !req
189. Then maybe she's calling an ambulance.
Copy !req
190. Stop it.
We don't have to jump to conclusions.
Copy !req
191. A lot of people take the phone off the
hook so it won't interrupt their intimacies.
Copy !req
192. - How come we never did that?
- I might miss an important call.
Copy !req
193. - Go and see what's happening.
- You're right. Stay on the line.
Copy !req
194. - It's my fault. I pushed them into this.
- I'm going, too.
Copy !req
195. - I'll go with you. I know CPR.
- I'll go. I'm a CPA.
Copy !req
196. Stay here. I can handle this.
If we need you, I'll call you.
Copy !req
197. Please, God, let Hank be all right.
Copy !req
198. - Stop!
- Oh, no...
Copy !req
199. - I wonder if we're too late.
- Well, there's only one way to find out.
Copy !req
200. No, Sam. We can't just burst in on them.
That's a gaucherie.
Copy !req
201. Besides, we might actually see them.
Copy !req
202. What were we planning to do?
Copy !req
203. Let's make loud noises
to draw their attention.
Copy !req
204. - Fire!
- No, Sam. You'll startle him.
Copy !req
205. My God. I hope I didn't blow it.
Copy !req
206. Sam, that's so disgusting.
Copy !req
207. - Can you hear anything?
- Not a thing.
Copy !req
208. I thought Carla would be
the type to make noises.
Copy !req
209. - Hello there.
- They're just starting.
Copy !req
210. What the hell's going on here?
Copy !req
211. We thought you were in there.
Copy !req
212. Were you looking for pointers?
Copy !req
213. - We saw wine glasses...
- We had a drink and went out to eat.
Copy !req
214. - So you didn't actually...
- Let's pretend it's any of your business.
Copy !req
215. - No, we didn't.
- Why are you here? What's wrong?
Copy !req
216. Hank, I'm sorry for intruding, but Coach
said you had a heart condition.
Copy !req
217. - Did he?
- Did he make a mistake?
Copy !req
218. - He's right. I have a serious problem.
- You do?
Copy !req
219. He also said that any exertion
would be very dangerous for you.
Copy !req
220. We thought we'd catch you
before you and Carla...
Copy !req
221. Exerted.
Copy !req
222. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
223. Are you trying to tell me
you could have died?
Copy !req
224. Yeah. It could have happened.
Copy !req
225. Sex is OK for most people with
heart problems. For me, it's chancy.
Copy !req
226. - If we didn't get wild...
- Are you kidding?
Copy !req
227. I've almost killed off guys
with good pumps.
Copy !req
228. Would you butt out?
I am not going to forget this.
Copy !req
229. Of all the rotten things
guys have done to me.
Copy !req
230. - I was right.
- I didn't want to spoil it.
Copy !req
231. Spoil it? I would have felt great,
waking up tomorrow next to a stiff.
Copy !req
232. You wouldn't have had
to feed him breakfast.
Copy !req
233. Hank, why would you take such a risk?
Copy !req
234. How could I not?
Copy !req
235. Carla, I've been so careful for so long.
Then I met you and I just didn't care.
Copy !req
236. The more I got to know you,
the more I wanted to take the risk.
Copy !req
237. You're nuts.
Copy !req
238. I got so carried away,
I didn't think what it might do to you.
Copy !req
239. I don't know what to think about all this.
Copy !req
240. I guess I'd better leave.
Copy !req
241. Couldn't you just be good friends,
real good friends?
Copy !req
242. No.
I don't want to be just friends with Carla.
Copy !req
243. It would drive me crazy to not touch you.
Copy !req
244. Hear that, beanpole?
Copy !req
245. Carla, I'm sorry I disappointed you.
Copy !req
246. Wait a minute.
I just thought of something.
Copy !req
247. In a way, I think maybe
you and I were perfect together.
Copy !req
248. See, we never had an argument, right?
Copy !req
249. Not a harsh word.
No one looking in another direction.
Copy !req
250. Yes. It's like an incredibly delicate
flower. It doesn't matter how long it lasts.
Copy !req
251. Hey, whitey, this is my moment here.
Copy !req
252. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
253. In a way, Hank, I'll always remember you
as the best lover I ever had.
Copy !req
254. Goodbye.
Copy !req
255. Well, now I've seen past
your little masquerade
Copy !req
256. and there's a bond between us
that can never be broken.
Copy !req
257. I'm going to capture my feelings while
they're fresh and put them in my diary.
Copy !req
258. Wait, Diane. It's right here.
We were laughing about it at dinner.
Copy !req
259. English
Copy !req