Cheers 2x2

Directed by James Burrows

Paul Vaughn as Paul • Paul Willson as Tom • Jerry Prell as Customer

Carla goes on a maternity leave and is replaced by her supposedly shy and innocent sister.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. LI'L SISTER DON'T CHA

2. Oh, no. Here comes another order.

3. I need two martinis. One straight up, one over.

4. Gin or... vodka?

5. Gin. Beefeaters.

6. Anything else?

7. Yes. There's something else.

8. Something I need... desperately.

9. A Molson Golden ale.

10. Sam, you're out of this room.

11. Coach, we were gonna kiss.

12. We were?

13. Do you mind if I do these first, Sam?

14. It won't budge.

15. I think I'll be pregnant for the rest of my life.

16. Just like it said in the yearbook.

17. - Stubborn little bugger, isn't he? - He learnt about brothers and sisters.

18. He decided to stay inside where it's safe.

19. There's a theory that late-born babies are more intelligent. I was born late.

20. - Hey, so was I. - It was just a theory.

21. - How did it happen the last time? - Benny Hill did it.

22. - Benny Hill? - I laughed so hard I went into labour.

23. I heard that could happen.

24. If laughter's what you need, I have a face that makes people laugh.

25. But you got a nice personality, Diane.

26. No, I'm going to make a funny face.

27. I don't think it's gonna help, but go ahead.

28. Very funny.

29. Let me have two Gansetts for the lovely couple at the back.

30. - Have you got yourself covered yet? - Yeah, it's all set.

31. - My sister's gonna fill in for me. - Great. Thank you.

32. Which sister is this? No-Neck?

33. No, not No-Neck. Another one.

34. You have a sister named No-Neck?

35. It's her nickname. Everyone in my family has one.

36. Just out of curiosity, Carla, what's your nickname?

37. - Muffin. - You're kidding?

38. What's wrong with Muffin?

39. It's just an incredible coincidence. You and I have the same nickname.

40. No?

41. Daddy always called me his muffin because I was so sweet and toasty.

42. I'm Muffin cos my brothers put yeast in my ears and tried to bake my face.

43. Should I ask what this sister's called or will I regret it?

44. Annette is different than the rest of us. She's always been the good one.

45. - Every family has its white sheep. - You two close?

46. We never spent much time together. I only see her at family occasions.

47. Weddings, holidays, stays of execution.

48. Anyway, the thing about Annette, she's real shy.

49. A wallflower. She doesn't have many friends.

50. We'll take care of her. When are we gonna meet her?

51. Soon. I've been in labour for four minutes.

52. - It was my funny face, wasn't it? - Why didn't you say something?

53. I tried to hold out until my customers left.

54. It was my last shot at a pity tip.

55. Mail it to me. I'll be at Saint Elygius Hospital.

56. Enjoy your drinks while I'm under the knife.

57. I'm Carla's sister, Annette Lozupone.

58. What an interesting name. How do you pronounce it?

59. - Lozupone. - Gee, just like it sounds.

60. - Hi, Annette. I'm Sam. - Hi.

61. We've been waiting for you. I see you already met Coach.

62. He must be a good worker.

63. Let me introduce you around here. That's Cliff, Annette.

64. This is Norm. This is Diane Chambers.

65. - Annette. - Diane.

66. Well, you must hear about me from Carla all the time.

67. - She didn't mention another waitress? - I've heard her talk about Fishface.

68. She quit.

69. - Nice kid, that Annette. - Yeah, she is, Coach.

70. - Yeah, she's cute too. - Cute?

71. You like her there, Cliffo?

72. - I just said she was cute. - Are you gonna ask her out?

73. No.

74. You haven't had a date in months.

75. There's an explanation that you riffraffs probably wouldn't understand.

76. I have impossibly high standards for a woman.

77. She has to like you, right?

78. Excuse me. I'll get you a pad and we'll get a tray.

79. - Here's a pencil. - OK, Coach. Thanks.

80. You'd do her a favour if you asked her out. She'd feel more comfortable.

81. Well, I don't know. Maybe on the way out.

82. Gotta go.

83. So soon? The night's young and it's your round.

84. Got a big day tomorrow. They've asked me to test-drive a new postal vehicle.

85. - How come they asked you? - I've got the best safety record.

86. - Never been near an accident. - Not since you were born.

87. Was that comment addressed to me, Paul?

88. No, Cliff. If it were addressed to anybody, it'd get lost in the mail.

89. If I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.

90. If you weren't wearing it, we'd all step outside.

91. Cliff? Annette.

92. Excuse me. I just had a sudden thought here.

93. If you're not doing anything, maybe we could go out if you want.

94. Really? That sounds nice.

95. Well, I'd better warn you. I'm going on a special assignment for the department.

96. I've got no right to ask you to wait for me.

97. Here's my phone number in case you make it.

98. - Great. Well, Auf Wiedersehen. - Bye.

99. What do you think? How's the new girl doing?

100. Very well. That date with Cliff is the second one she's made here.

101. Really?

102. Well, that's good. She's breaking out of her shell.

103. Sam, it's Cheers. It's a romantic bar.

104. As many people fall in love here as get sick.

105. So what do you say? Maybe 1 am?

106. That would be fine.

107. - She's not what Carla thinks she is. - Yes, she is. She's just...

108. She's naive.

109. Sam, I am an excellent judge of character.

110. And I say she's loose.

111. Stop. She's not loose. I'll talk to her. I'll keep her from getting into trouble.

112. Annette, can I talk to you in my office?

113. By the way, you'd do a lot better if you stop meddling in other people's sex lives

114. and concentrated on mine.

115. That's great. That'll keep me till the end of the minute.

116. - Did I do something wrong? - I just wanted a little talk with you.

117. I know you haven't worked in bars before

118. and I wanted to explain how men behave in bars.

119. They have a few drinks, get a little high

120. and get carried away around a beautiful new waitress.

121. And, well, does this make any sense to you?

122. Why don't you we sit down here? See, I thought maybe that...

123. Take me, take me!

124. Sam, telephone call.

125. I'll just tell them you're breaking in a new waitress.

126. No! Coach!

127. OK, folks. Almost ready.

128. That was Cliff. He's feeling a lot better. He's coming in.

129. What happened to him anyway?

130. He was doing his test drive a few days ago.

131. He stepped into a pothole, smashed his leg, but he finished his route in pain.

132. He figured those 1974 Christmas cards couldn't wait another day.

133. Annette? You're late again.

134. I'm sorry. Would you like to take me into your office and scold me?

135. - Just maybe don't do it again. - I won't.

136. She's turned into the thing that devoured Boston.

137. - We've gotta tell Carla. - No, we do not.

138. It's none of our business if she likes men.

139. Loves men. She can do whatever she wants with her sex life.

140. It's in the Bill of Rights.

141. Where is it in the Bill of Rights?

142. Well, you know, the part about the right to assemble and bear arms.

143. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

144. Hey. I thought you said you weren't gonna call me stupid

145. now that we're being intimate.

146. No. I said I wouldn't call you stupid while we're being intimate.

147. OK, folks. The movie's ready.

148. - I got the lights. - Thanks, Sam.

149. Sit down. Get nice and comfy. Here we go. Everyone comfortable?

150. This film I call "A Trip To The Hospital To Visit Carla

151. And Her New Two-Day-Old Baby. "

152. - I like it. - Thanks, Sam.

153. Here we are in the elevator.

154. Those elevator doors are opening and we go into Carla's room.

155. And, yes, we go in...

156. And... Oh, gee, I made a mistake. That's the dead guy's room.

157. The widow was so upset. I tried to cheer her up with a gift.

158. It just wasn't the right moment.

159. Now, here we are.

160. I'm on the right floor, and there's Carla's room, I hope, and in we go.

161. It is! All the kids were very good.

162. They were on their good behaviour. Then Anthony squirted his water pistol.

163. Here I am wiping the lens.

164. And Seraphina grabbed the camera, crawled under a bed

165. and I begged her for it and I had a heck of a time.

166. Then Ann Marie jumped on my back.

167. Coach, didn't you get a shot of the baby?

168. - There she is. - Which one's Carla's?

169. It's the little girl. Doesn't she look like her mother? That's all.

170. I got the lights.

171. That was nice. I'm glad I got to see the babies.

172. You haven't been over there yet?

173. I got as far as the hospital, but I met the surgeon in the parking lot.

174. We split a six-pack in his van. What a nice fellow.

175. - Hey, look here! - Welcome back.

176. When Cliffy comes marching home again... Come here.

177. Welcome home, Cliffo.

178. Thank you, Coach. Boy, I've missed you guys.

179. Except Paul.

180. - So, who wants to see it? - No, not me.

181. I can't stand that stuff. I can't even eat an open-faced sandwich.

182. It's almost gone now anyway.

183. - A little sudso there, Cliff. - Thank you, Coach.

184. I had healing hands to help me.

185. - You devil! - Some incredible, beautiful hands.

186. - He's been bitten by the love bug. - You've found somebody?

187. - Well... - He did, he did.

188. I never thought I was the kind of guy to fall head over heels.

189. Oh, God. It isn't Annette, is it?

190. - Yeah. - I'm so happy for you.

191. Thank you, Diane. It's great.

192. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm gonna ask for her hand.

193. - Annette? - Isn't it something?

194. Me and Carla's sweet little sister. It's like fate?

195. There she is.

196. - Hiya, sweetheart. - Hello there, handsome.

197. Sam, I think we have to talk in the back room.

198. Why?

199. It's our weekly seminar on the use of leitmotiv in the "Chanson de Roland".

200. Yeah. Boy, time really flies by, doesn't it?

201. - Norman, join us. Coach? - Not me, Diane. Thank you, no.

202. You're the guest speaker.

203. Hey, this might be good.

204. - We are confronted with a problem. - If we tell him, we ruin his life.

205. - What if we don't tell him? - If we don't tell him, we ruin his life.

206. Well, if I'm confused, everybody must be.

207. Cliff's a sweet guy. If anyone can change Annette, he's the one.

208. Maybe you're right. I guess we've been pretty cynical.

209. Who are we to judge? Maybe Annette really loves Cliff.

210. Face it. Love can be a rebirth for any man and woman.

211. - I feel better about that. - Wasn't it Dante who said...

212. - Annette, would you get me a soda? - Certainly.

213. - Cliff is really something special. - Which one's Cliff?

214. Let me tell him. I'm his best friend.

215. - Talk to you in the back room? - Sure, Norm.

216. You sure? This can destroy relationships.

217. He should hear this from someone who cares about him.

218. See you later, sweetheart.

219. - So what's going on, Norm? - Nothing.

220. - I can't talk to my buddy? - Sure. No problem.

221. So what's up?

222. What would you say your definition of friendship was?

223. Annette's out there waiting for me. Use a dictionary.

224. Friendship is two guys who remember the good times they shared.

225. - That's good. - Remember the times we shared?

226. - Listen. If you want a few bucks... - No. Cliff...

227. Remember when you thought that I was drinking too much?

228. And you felt I really ought to stop. As a friend, I appreciated that.

229. - You didn't stop. - I decided you were wrong, but...

230. Remember when we took a squirt on that guy's lawn?

231. We killed his Jack in a Pulpit.

232. What did you ask me back here for? It wasn't to talk over the good times.

233. Well, not just that.

234. More like about... Annette.

235. Norm. Look. When Annette and me are married, it won't change us.

236. Cliff, Annette's not as innocent as you think she is.

237. What's that supposed to mean?

238. Since she's been working here, she has been around.

239. And... around.

240. What are you saying this for? Are you jealous?

241. Because we're starting a new life and the magic's left your relationship?

242. More people have enjoyed Annette's magic than Doug Henning's.

243. Normie, I'll give you one second to take that back.

244. OK, I'll give you three.

245. - Who's she been with? - Everybody.

246. You?

247. Because you're married, right?

248. If you're married to a woman like Vera, you don't even think of extramarital sex.

249. You try not to think about marital sex.

250. So you're gonna hate me now?

251. Hate her?

252. Hate yourself?

253. My choice too, yeah.

254. I guess I should have known.

255. She said she invented all those things it takes years to learn.

256. I guess I ought to thank you, Norm.

257. It couldn't have been easy for you...

258. - I hope I do the same for you one day. - Thanks.

259. - Come on. Let's get a beer. - Are you kidding? The guys'II laugh.

260. No one will laugh at you.

261. They care about you and know you're hurting.

262. Anybody who laughs at you has gotta answer to me.

263. Normie, you're about the best friend I ever had.

264. You're mine.

265. Wanna hug?

266. Me neither.

267. It's not like you pulled me from a burning car wreck or anything.

268. English