1. Alright, locking it up.
Who needs a ride home?
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2. Come on, who needs a ride home?
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3. I guess we're all sober enough
to drive ourselves tonight.
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4. Looks like you get to go
straight home for a change.
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5. I've never driven straight home.
I wouldn't know how to do it.
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6. - OK, Coach. You can take me.
- What a prince.
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7. - Thanks, I owe you one.
- Any time.
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8. Goodnight now.
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9. Drop me off at Kenmore Square.
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10. I can catch a cab
to take me back here to my car.
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11. What do you think you're doing?
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12. Just having a little late-night fun.
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13. Listen, pencil neck,
you're starting to get on my nerves.
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14. Please don't call me pencil neck.
I am not a pencil neck.
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15. I'm sorry.
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16. I didn't mean to call you
pencil neck, gozzlehead.
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17. Name calling.
The last refuge of the monosyllabic.
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18. I don't know what that means
but I heard slob in there.
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19. Hey, come on, Diane, Carla,
you go at each other every night.
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20. We're getting scouts in here
from the roller derby.
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21. Listen, I mean it. Do something
about this, or I'm gonna...
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22. I'm gonna think
about personnel changes.
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23. What choice do we have, Sam?
We don't like each other.
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24. No, Carla, Sam's... Carla.
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25. Sam's making good sense.
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26. You could knock me over
with a feather, but he is.
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27. We need to sit down together
and talk this out.
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28. That's nuts.
What's there to talk about?
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29. Listen. I want you to sit down
and settle this, or else.
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30. We'll do it.
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31. Carla
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32. Do it.
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33. - Can we use this table?
- Oh, you mean here? No.
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34. I was thinking more along the lines
of your homes or a coffee shop.
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35. Down by the docks, maybe.
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36. Sam. We'll lock up, don't worry about
it.
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37. Now is the time. This is the place.
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38. Unchecked rage
is like a festering wound.
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39. Laughs aplenty tonight.
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40. Look. You expect me to I leave the
two of you here without a referee?
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41. Come on. What could happen?
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42. in a room filled
with glass and alcohol. Silly.
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43. - This was your idea. Bye.
- Alright. Check the locks twice, OK?
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44. Aye, aye, captain.
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45. And make sure the lights over the bar
are out.
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46. Lights over the bar. Right.
Goodnight.
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47. Maybe check the thermostat.
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48. We'll do that, yes.
Thank you, goodnight and goodbye.
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49. I have no life insurance.
Just this place.
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50. Goodnight.
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51. OK, let's sit down, relax and open
the lines of communication.
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52. I want a drink.
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53. Wonderful.
Let's have a bottle of wine.
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54. I think we've got your favourite.
Château Guam.
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55. I'm talking a drink. I'll make it.
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56. Wonderful. OK.
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57. You're gonna like this.
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58. And then we use...
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59. I only do it for special occasions.
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60. Well, Carla, thank you. I'm honoured.
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61. You're really getting
into the spirit of this thing.
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62. - What's the drink?
- A family recipe.
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63. We call it Leap lnto An Open Grave.
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64. You're kidding.
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65. My Uncle Joe stumbled across it
when he was making a car bomb.
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66. You're kidding, right? Carla?
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67. One for good luck.
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68. Nice touch.
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69. Keep the glasses moving so the fumes
don't burn a hole in the ceiling.
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70. Delicious.
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71. And it goes right to your head.
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72. No one in my family lives past 43.
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73. OK, let's chat.
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74. I don't know what we're talking for.
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75. We're different people.
We'll never get along.
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76. - We're not totally different.
- Name one similarity.
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77. Well, we...
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78. We're both women.
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79. Why do I get the feeling
that we're jerking our chain, here?
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80. No, there's more.
We both share the same job.
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81. Of course,
I'm not as good at it as you are.
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82. It doesn't take a genius to notice.
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83. But thank you.
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84. You know, Carla, I particularly
admire the way you handle passes.
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85. - Yeah?
- Yeah.
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86. A guy in the back room tonight
asked me
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87. if I wanted to play something called
The Shepherdess And The Hun.
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88. Which part did he want you to play?
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89. This is fun, isn't it?
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90. Easy give-and-take
between two working gals.
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91. You know,
I think we're coming together.
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92. That's the Open Grave.
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93. Give it another 15 minutes, you'll be
French-kissing the sump pump.
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94. No, seriously. We're connecting,
I'm certain of it.
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95. Yeah. People need people.
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96. I'm a people person. I can be there
for you, I wanna be there for you.
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97. Please, benefit from my depth.
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98. This stuff. Great.
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99. You would do that for me?
You'd listen to me?
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100. With all my heart, mind and soul.
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101. You know, Thank you.
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102. There are moments when I wanna spill
my guts, know what I mean?
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103. Yes.
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104. I've got things,
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105. one thing in particular,
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106. that I've been carrying around
inside of me for a long time.
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107. Tell me.
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108. I barely know you.
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109. Well, Carla, you brought it up.
You obviously want to get it out.
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110. Maybe I do, but...
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111. Carla, I swear,
I'll keep my mouth shut. I swear.
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112. About five years ago...
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113. .. Sam threw a party here.
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114. The big guy was still on the sauce
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115. so every night
was an excuse for a big bash.
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116. Anyway, this one time
he was too tanked to drive home.
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117. So I took him.
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118. I helped him upstairs...
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119. ..to his bedroom.
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120. One thing led to another.
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121. Nine months later, Gino was born.
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122. - Gino?
- Sam's son.
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123. Carla, I don't believe this.
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124. Me neither, you're gonna die.
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125. Sam.
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126. Sam did this?
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127. He's a beast.
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128. No. Sam's been really good about it.
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129. I mean,
he's always helped out with the kid.
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130. I've never blamed him for anything.
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131. It's as much my fault as his.
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132. But you bore the child,
you're raising the child.
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133. You plucky little soldier, you.
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134. Sam and I are the only ones
that know, understand?
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135. Carla, l...
I just wanna hug you right now.
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136. I feel kinda close to you, too.
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137. People
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138. People who need people
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139. Good God.
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140. Carla, my gumba.
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141. I like somebody who knows
when she's had enough.
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142. Hi. Sorry I'm back,
I forgot my bubblegum.
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143. I know that sounds crazy...
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144. Oh, my God, Carla, you killed her.
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145. Don't get your hopes up, Sam.
I just mixed her a drink.
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146. Carla, you made her an Open Grave.
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147. Yeah. And she leaped right in.
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148. She's out cold.
This is irresponsible.
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149. - I tried to slow her down.
- I'm gonna take her home.
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150. - Will you get her things for me?
- Sure.
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151. Did you straighten things out?
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152. Yeah. You know, it was great.
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153. She got sickening,
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154. I told the biggest lie I could
think of and she started to sing.
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155. - Why did you do that?
- She brings out the devil in me.
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156. I dunno. I was
getting a buzz on feeling loose.
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157. I decided to have some fun with her.
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158. What did you tell her?
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159. Sam, it's something I told Diane.
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160. She swore she would never tell
another living soul.
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161. She'll tell you tomorrow.
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162. - Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm.
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163. - How's it going?
- Daddy's rich, Mamma's good-lookin'!
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164. Good evening.
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165. Hi, Diane. How are you?
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166. Hey, Sis,
how's my buddy feeling today?
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167. Well,
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168. ..l got up this morning,
washed my face.
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169. I shaved my tongue.
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170. I came right in.
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171. However,
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172. no regrets.
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173. Evenings like that
come seldom in a lifetime.
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174. - How are you, Carla?
- Fine, thanks.
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175. How is poor little Gino?
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176. A little hung over, are we?
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177. I can't keep anything from you.
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178. You know,
I know something to stop hangovers.
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179. Thank God. What is it?
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180. Don't drink so much.
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181. Thank you.
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182. But thank you, Sam. Truly.
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183. For getting Carla and I together
at last.
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184. You're welcome.
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185. She really is a wonderful woman,
isn't she?
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186. Yeah. She's alright.
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187. And her children
are truly wonderful, too.
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188. Yeah,
if you like chainsaws with feet.
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189. But I understand that Gino is
an extraordinarily fine young man.
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190. Which one's he?
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191. He's... who he is.
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192. - Sam, where's my bourbon and ginger?
- Coming right up.
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193. You're slipping, sweetheart.
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194. - You're staring at me.
- Oh, was l?
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195. Right through me, in fact.
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196. I've got to get home
to the little lady.
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197. - It's my tenth wedding anniversary.
- Congratulations.
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198. - Big plans, huh?
- The biggest.
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199. We're going out for a pizza. It gets
me back here about ten o'clock.
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200. A whole quarter.
I'm gonna name the Ferrari after you.
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201. - Now look here, miss...
- No, you look...
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202. - My office now.
- It's a whole dollar below insult.
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203. - Carla, right now.
- Sam.
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204. It wasn't her fault.
She was deliberately snubbed.
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205. Diane, she's my employee.
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206. This is none of your business.
Stay out of it.
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207. Coach,
Sam just called Carla "an employee".
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208. No kidding. How did Carla take it?
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209. - What do you think he's gonna do?
- Nothing. Bawl her out a little.
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210. How dare he chastise her?
She can barely scrape out a living.
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211. How much suffering
does she have to do?
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212. She's raising four children, not
to mention one of them is Sam's...
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213. One of Carla's kids is Sam's kid?
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214. - No. I didn't say that.
- Let me figure this out, now.
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215. Sam knows Carla five years, right?
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216. Carla's youngest kid, Gino,
is seven and a half.
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217. That's it. It works out.
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218. Wait a minute.
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219. - Gino is seven and a half years old?
- Yeah.
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220. And Sam and Carla have
only known each other five years?
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221. Right, but who would ever figure
that Gino was Sam's kid?
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222. She lied.
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223. She deliberately lied.
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224. You mean that Gino's not Sam's kid?
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225. No.
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226. Holy mackerel! This is gonna break
Sam's heart when he hears this.
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227. I reached out to her.
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228. That weasel.
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229. Coach,
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230. what do you do when you are so
furious you have to do something?
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231. Well, I know you'll think it's crazy,
but I bang my head on the bar.
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232. Doesn't sound crazy to me.
It might do me good right now.
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233. Well, OK.
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234. - No, don't. Stop that, please.
- You feel better?
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235. Yes. Thank you.
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236. - How about you?
- I feel fine.
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237. To me, it's kind of a picker-upper.
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238. Hello. My name is Carla.
I'll be your slave for the evening.
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239. No, I won't do it.
I won't give her the satisfaction.
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240. She's just waiting for me
to break her confidence.
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241. She can play me for the fool,
but she will not tarnish my dignity.
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242. This is none of your concern.
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243. Hello, my friend,
my dearest confidante.
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244. How's your rotten,
lying little mouth?
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245. Got you.
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246. "One thing led to another,
and then Gino was born."
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247. I knew it. I knew you'd tell.
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248. You had to tell somebody
our secret to find out.
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249. - That's beside the point.
- It isn't.
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250. I knew you couldn't keep it. You hold
your secrets like your booze.
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251. Telling me that story
was reprehensible.
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252. Lighten up.
You wanna be my friend?
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253. You wanna get along?
Let your hair down.
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254. How about I take your hair
and scour the sink with it?
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255. Is that a Brillo shot?
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256. Only if it offends you.
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257. You sound like a lady
who is getting tired of her teeth.
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258. I'm tired of your teeth
and all the vermicelli in between.
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259. In my office.
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260. Be quiet!
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261. I think Sammy can handle that one,
huh, Coach?
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262. I hate to see that kind of thing
between women.
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263. I know what you mean, Coach.
Women fighting is very unladylike.
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264. Unless, of course,
they're wallowing around in mudpits.
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265. Now, somebody,
please, tell me what's going on.
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266. Last night,
out of the goodness of my heart,
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267. I reached out to this little twerp.
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268. And she deliberately duped me
into believing
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269. that you were
the father of one of her children.
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270. - Me?
- Yes. She referred to it as a joke.
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271. Snicker, snicker.
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272. I told her we fooled around once
and Gino was the result.
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273. Gino?
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274. You told her that you and...?
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275. You thought that she and l...?
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276. Gino?
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277. Your Gino?
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278. You should have seen her face.
Her chin was in her lap.
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279. Of course, laugh at the fool.
Laugh at my expense.
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280. - Show her a picture of Gino.
- Yeah, OK.
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281. You think he's funny-looking. You
wanna see what makes Gino laugh?
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282. - His real dad.
- Let me see.
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283. Look, Whitey, I'm sorry.
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284. I know I can be a real pain
sometimes.
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285. And I know that I take things
a little too seriously at times.
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286. I guess
I need to be reminded of that.
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287. Well, I'll always be there for you.
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288. Listen,
I want you two to shake hands.
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289. You're alright.
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290. Maybe we can go to a movie one night.
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291. Fine. When?
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292. I'll get back to you.
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293. I'm proud of you, I really am,
for holding your own with Carla.
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294. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
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295. Sam, could I ask
a little off-the-cuff question?
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296. Sure.
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297. Who took me home last night?
You or Carla?
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298. You don't remember?
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299. No.
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300. We both did.
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301. Who put my pyjamas on?
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302. - Carla did.
- You'd already left by that time?
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303. No. I was still there.
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304. You mean watching?
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305. No. I was in the other room,
minding my own business.
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306. On my good behaviour.
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307. Trying on your lingerie.
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