1. Sam, let me have the TV control.
Copy !req
2. - What are you gonna watch?
- Something extraordinary on TV.
Copy !req
3. - What's up. Game on?
- What is it, the Bruins?
Copy !req
4. I think the lady
singing the anthem is loaded.
Copy !req
5. Diane, what the hell is this?
Copy !req
6. Wagner's "Ring of the Nibelungs",
the complete cycle.
Copy !req
7. "Das Rheingold", "Die Walküre",
Copy !req
8. "Siegfried"
and finally "Götterdämmerung".
Copy !req
9. I hope they don't use
that canned laughter.
Copy !req
10. It's not comedy. This is opera.
I'll explain as we proceed.
Copy !req
11. This is the story of a golden ring
with magical powers
Copy !req
12. that curses anyone who owns it.
Copy !req
13. Wait. They had that same story
on Scooby Doo Saturday morning.
Copy !req
14. But the dog sang
a little better than that.
Copy !req
15. Come on, you guys. Give it a chance.
Copy !req
16. The first three hours are...
Copy !req
17. I put up with your sporting events.
Copy !req
18. It's time that you return the favour.
Copy !req
19. After ten minutes, if you aren't
totally mesmerised by its beauty,
Copy !req
20. - I will turn it off.
- Ten minutes?
Copy !req
21. Very funny.
Copy !req
22. Culture's wasted on you.
Oxygen is wasted on you.
Copy !req
23. That was not a very nice thing
to do to Diane.
Copy !req
24. - Sam's got a point there.
- She has watched a lot of sports.
Copy !req
25. Let's give it another shot.
Copy !req
26. Coach, I'm gonna be in the back
checking the wine.
Copy !req
27. OK, Sam.
Copy !req
28. Would you like to join me?
It's quiet, empty, dimly lit.
Copy !req
29. Much like your mind.
Copy !req
30. So, what do you say?
Copy !req
31. Sam, you talk a lot
about our having a dalliance,
Copy !req
32. but I've always been told
that barking dogs don't bite.
Copy !req
33. Biting. Is that what you're into?
Copy !req
34. Do you know what bothers me? There
are women upon whom this works,
Copy !req
35. and they're allowed
to vote and drive cars.
Copy !req
36. So, what do you say?
Copy !req
37. Fred and Ginger are taking a break,
Copy !req
38. but they'll be back
to nauseate you later on.
Copy !req
39. Eddie, it's been nice talking to you.
Copy !req
40. By the way, did I tell you that
my wife passed away some time ago?
Copy !req
41. Yeah.
Copy !req
42. Thanks. I really appreciate that.
ls your wife dead yet, Ed?
Copy !req
43. That's good. I wanna thank you
for thinking about me,
Copy !req
44. and I'll get back to you.
Copy !req
45. So long, pal.
Copy !req
46. What is it?
Copy !req
47. Pal of mine, Eddie Fuentes, manages
in the Winter Leagues in Venezuela.
Copy !req
48. He says if I can learn Spanish,
he might have a job for me, coaching.
Copy !req
49. You mean you're gonna
return to coaching?
Copy !req
50. Yeah,
baseball's so much simpler than life.
Copy !req
51. In baseball
I always know where I'm at.
Copy !req
52. We're up, I'm in the coach's box.
They're up, I'm in the dugout.
Copy !req
53. The game is over, I hit the head,
get a cheeseburger.
Copy !req
54. - Sounds like a great life.
- It's terrific.
Copy !req
55. You know any Spanish, Coach?
Copy !req
56. I took some courses for a couple
of days just to learn a few phrases.
Copy !req
57. Like what?
Copy !req
58. Like, "How tall is my dentist?"
and "Is that really your sister?"
Copy !req
59. Just enough to get by.
Copy !req
60. - You're gonna do fine, Coach.
- Thanks, Cliff.
Copy !req
61. Interesting.
Copy !req
62. That was Sam's brother.
He's on his way over.
Copy !req
63. - Brother? Didn't know he had one.
- Me either.
Copy !req
64. - He didn't tell any of you?
- Coach?
Copy !req
65. Si?
Copy !req
66. - Did you know Sam has a brother?
- Of course I know he had a brother.
Copy !req
67. - He hates him.
- Why does he hate him?
Copy !req
68. He was cruel to him. When Sam was a
kid, he'd shove his head underwater.
Copy !req
69. Wait a minute. That was my brother.
Copy !req
70. Come to think of it,
that was my head.
Copy !req
71. Don't Sam and his brother
spend any time together?
Copy !req
72. They get together whenever he's in
town, but he's never been to Cheers.
Copy !req
73. He's coming now,
and someone has to tell Sam.
Copy !req
74. Let me do it. I'm a smoothie
about breaking bad news.
Copy !req
75. - Your apartment burned down.
- My God. Really?
Copy !req
76. No. Your brother's on his way over.
Makes you feel better, doesn't it?
Copy !req
77. - I hate it when you do that.
- It cushions the blow.
Copy !req
78. - My brother's in town?
- I took the call.
Copy !req
79. - He was just leaving his hotel.
- Good. Did you tell him I was here?
Copy !req
80. Of course. I had no idea
this would be a problem.
Copy !req
81. No problem. My brother's coming over.
I love my brother.
Copy !req
82. That's not what I heard.
Copy !req
83. Step in here and let me show you
something I've triumphed over.
Copy !req
84. Don't tell me
you've finally mastered the stapler.
Copy !req
85. Sit down. What they were
talking about out there
Copy !req
86. is I used to have this problem
with my brother, Derek.
Copy !req
87. It was kind of...
an inferiority complex.
Copy !req
88. But that was a long time ago,
and I conquered it.
Copy !req
89. Here it is. This is the guy that
used to make me feel like nothing.
Copy !req
90. What?
Copy !req
91. He's very nice-looking. He'd be even
better if he had his two front teeth.
Copy !req
92. I blacked those out myself.
Copy !req
93. That was before
I got over my problem.
Copy !req
94. I didn't go to any psychiatrists.
I didn't read any fancy books.
Copy !req
95. I just sat myself down and said,
"My brother's no better than I am."
Copy !req
96. I'm sure you're right.
Copy !req
97. - What's he do for a living?
- He's an international lawyer.
Copy !req
98. It so happens I come from
a very intelligent family.
Copy !req
99. I guess Derek does OK for himself.
Copy !req
100. He must make 50, 50 grand a year.
Copy !req
101. You're kidding.
Those guys make 10 times that much.
Copy !req
102. It's the job. Last year he travelled
so much, he had to buy his own plane.
Copy !req
103. What kind of life is that?
Copy !req
104. The poor wretch.
Copy !req
105. Who am I kidding? The guy
is better at everything than I am.
Copy !req
106. He's perfect.
Copy !req
107. Sam. He's maybe a man
of some accomplishment,
Copy !req
108. but this all sounds like a younger
brother idealising his older sibling.
Copy !req
109. - You think so?
- Sure.
Copy !req
110. He's just an ordinary Joe.
Copy !req
111. Can I keep this?
Copy !req
112. You must have a sense of humour
about these things.
Copy !req
113. Maybe you're right. If I looked
at it right, it could be funny.
Copy !req
114. - Sure.
- One less tooth and a moustache.
Copy !req
115. Sam, nuclear bomb just hit Boston.
Copy !req
116. Derek's here.
Copy !req
117. They're catching on.
Copy !req
118. Listen. Wait.
I don't want you to worry about me.
Copy !req
119. I'm used to living around
Mr Wonderful all my life.
Copy !req
120. It's no big deal. It's just that when
he's in the room, I feel invisible.
Copy !req
121. Sam, I don't pay you
a lot of compliments,
Copy !req
122. but I really don't feel you have
any need to feel inferior to anyone.
Copy !req
123. Thank you. That's very nice.
Copy !req
124. - Nice voice. Who is that?
- Guess.
Copy !req
125. Way to go, Derek.
Copy !req
126. - Can we get this man a beer?
- I'll get it.
Copy !req
127. Sam, sorry, I didn't see you.
Copy !req
128. Derek, how about a beer?
Copy !req
129. No, thank you, Norm.
Copy !req
130. What a guy.
Can I catch a beer, Sammy?
Copy !req
131. - Where are my waitresses?
- Watching the show.
Copy !req
132. - The show?
- Derek's doing trick pool shots.
Copy !req
133. Must have had fun
growing up with him.
Copy !req
134. Do you have any idea what kind
of gift I could get for Derek?
Copy !req
135. - Gift?
- I feel I should get him something.
Copy !req
136. He did get me a job.
Copy !req
137. He got you a job, after all
those months you're been looking?
Copy !req
138. Not just a job.
He got me a great job.
Copy !req
139. For the first time
I'm gonna have my own parking space.
Copy !req
140. Got a secretary, a window
for water bombs, all the perks.
Copy !req
141. - Good for you, Norm. That's great.
- So what can I get him?
Copy !req
142. I really don't care what you get him.
Get him a tie.
Copy !req
143. Sure. I wouldn't dare
buy clothes for that guy.
Copy !req
144. He has his lint made in England.
Copy !req
145. Norm, hurry up. He's gonna do
some tap-dancing for us.
Copy !req
146. You two, come on back here.
We got a rich guy tap-dancing.
Copy !req
147. Sammy.
Copy !req
148. Your brother is one good-looking guy.
Copy !req
149. Did you ever hear Derek say
anything about being a sucker for
Copy !req
150. swarthy, fertile,
Mediterranean types?
Copy !req
151. - Afraid not, Carla.
- Figured.
Copy !req
152. Let me have a couple of Heinekens
and a couple of Löwenbräus.
Copy !req
153. How come your brother has beautiful
curly blond hair and deep blue eyes?
Copy !req
154. - Are they blue?
- Like Windex.
Copy !req
155. Boy, sounds like the stick lady's
having a good time, doesn't it?
Copy !req
156. Is that Diane's laugh? I thought they
were killing chickens back there.
Copy !req
157. He really got to her when he told
her about that time in Paris
Copy !req
158. when he got drunk with Anais Nin.
Copy !req
159. Really?
Copy !req
160. I was hoping you'd know.
Copy !req
161. Derek's always been like that,
always had to have the spotlight,
Copy !req
162. had to be the centre of attention.
Copy !req
163. if it's any consolation to you,
I know how you feel.
Copy !req
164. I got a sister
who's got me beat in every way.
Copy !req
165. She's five foot two,
Copy !req
166. her husband never has a drink
until noon, and she's a beautician.
Copy !req
167. How do you compete with that?
Copy !req
168. But after a while I said to myself,
"To hell with her. I'm me."
Copy !req
169. What you're trying to say is
I'm as good as my brother?
Copy !req
170. You're kidding?
You're not even as good as my sister.
Copy !req
171. But I still like you best, Sam.
Copy !req
172. That makes two of us.
Copy !req
173. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
174. What do you think?
You think Diane likes Derek?
Copy !req
175. "Does Diane like Derek?" I don't
know. I'll pass her a note in gym.
Copy !req
176. I know what my brother's like
around women, and I know Diane.
Copy !req
177. You know something?
I used to admire you.
Copy !req
178. But know what's happened to you
since she got here?
Copy !req
179. You've turned into a big weenie.
Copy !req
180. You're a dink, a wimp,
a fred, a loser.
Copy !req
181. Thank you.
Copy !req
182. I was having a confidence problem,
but that's been a real boost.
Copy !req
183. Just a few weeks ago, you were making
time with every foxy lady in Boston,
Copy !req
184. on your way to legendary status.
Copy !req
185. You were heading
for the Hounds Hall of Fame.
Copy !req
186. Then Lady Fishface
walked in the door.
Copy !req
187. - What's going on here?
- I don't know. It's driving me nuts.
Copy !req
188. Maybe she's playing hard-to-get,
Copy !req
189. but hard-to-get for me used to mean
I'd have to sit through dinner.
Copy !req
190. if you can't get to her, no one can.
Copy !req
191. - What about Derek?
- In a minute.
Copy !req
192. But don't worry.
He's got better taste than that.
Copy !req
193. - What?
- Your brother's teaching me Spanish.
Copy !req
194. You're learning the Spanish language
in one evening?
Copy !req
195. You want me to take the bar over?
Copy !req
196. I get it. You'd rather be here
when he's back there, right?
Copy !req
197. - Something like that.
- You don't have to draw me pictures.
Copy !req
198. Although I like it,
but you don't have to.
Copy !req
199. - What's your order?
- Sam, he's not that great.
Copy !req
200. He can tell an interesting story,
he's met a few interesting people,
Copy !req
201. but he's just a man like any other
man you'd meet in Greek mythology.
Copy !req
202. - What's your order?
- I don't have an order.
Copy !req
203. I thought you'd like to join
the party. I'll take the bar.
Copy !req
204. Go back there and enjoy yourself.
Copy !req
205. Believe it or not, I'm having a lot
of fun just being out here by myself.
Copy !req
206. I swear, it does not bother me
that my brother's here.
Copy !req
207. - Really?
- Really.
Copy !req
208. Good. I feel better
telling you about something.
Copy !req
209. Derek wants a beer.
Copy !req
210. I'm buying. I'm taking care of this.
Copy !req
211. I'm buying.
Copy !req
212. Sam, I love this bar of yours.
Copy !req
213. But you know the best thing about it?
lts owner.
Copy !req
214. - Thanks, Sam.
- Derek, one more game of pool.
Copy !req
215. You were about to tell me something.
Copy !req
216. Derek just wants to fly me out
to Martha's Vineyard tonight.
Copy !req
217. In a plane or on his back?
Copy !req
218. He didn't say, specifically.
Copy !req
219. Of course, he was all excited about
the new Learjet he just bought.
Copy !req
220. - But it's not a date or anything.
- What if it is? It's OK with me.
Copy !req
221. - I thought maybe you'd be bothered.
- Bothered?
Copy !req
222. I have a date myself tonight.
It's a good night for it.
Copy !req
223. OK. if you're sure.
Copy !req
224. I think you and Derek
will make a great match.
Copy !req
225. Really?
Copy !req
226. You both think you're perfect,
and one of you is right.
Copy !req
227. You know what your problem is?
You are afraid of your feelings.
Copy !req
228. I am not. I don't have
any feelings about this.
Copy !req
229. Whatever you and my brother
Derek want to do is OK with me.
Copy !req
230. I don't care.
Copy !req
231. - Fine.
- Please don't go.
Copy !req
232. What? What did you say?
Copy !req
233. I said I have no feelings about this.
Copy !req
234. No, after that. You said something.
It sounded like "Please don't go."
Copy !req
235. Please don't go? Are you crazy?
Copy !req
236. You gotta get over
this egotism of yours.
Copy !req
237. Go, with my blessings.
Have a good time, really.
Copy !req
238. Please stay here.
Copy !req
239. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
240. What was that? There at the end
you said something.
Copy !req
241. You're hallucinating. Get outta here
and have a good time. Go on.
Copy !req
242. OK, I'm glad you understand.
Copy !req
243. - if you go, I'll die.
- What?
Copy !req
244. - I heard you say something.
- You're coming unglued.
Copy !req
245. Please go. Have fun.
Copy !req
246. - OK, I'll go.
- There you go.
Copy !req
247. if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go freshen up.
Copy !req
248. - I'd rather stay with you.
- What? What did you say?
Copy !req
249. I didn't hear anything.
Copy !req
250. What do you say we go to the
Combat Zone and see a girlie show?
Copy !req
251. I've got a date, Coach.
Copy !req
252. Maybe I'll go alone.
Copy !req
253. It's a tough neighbourhood.
I think you need some protection.
Copy !req
254. You're right, Sam.
What do you say, Carla?
Copy !req
255. - Not tonight, Coach.
- Maybe some other time. Good night.
Copy !req
256. - See you tomorrow, Sam.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
257. Want me to hang around
till your date gets here?
Copy !req
258. - You probably wanna get on home.
- Are you kidding? It's 2am.
Copy !req
259. My kids might be there.
Copy !req
260. Sammy, would you just
tell me one thing?
Copy !req
261. What do you see in her?
Copy !req
262. Who?
Copy !req
263. The one who was off
on a Learjet with your brother.
Copy !req
264. The one who can't stop talking.
The geek.
Copy !req
265. I know she's not perfect.
I know she talks too much.
Copy !req
266. She's all those things you said.
Copy !req
267. But there are times
when I'm with her she just...
Copy !req
268. irritates the hell out of me.
Copy !req
269. - That's what you're looking for?
- Maybe it is.
Copy !req
270. I know what you mean.
I'm always falling for guys I hate.
Copy !req
271. My whole life has been the wrong man
at the wrong time in the wrong place
Copy !req
272. with the wrong birth-control device.
Copy !req
273. Sam?
Copy !req
274. You ever thought, even for a minute,
about you and me?
Copy !req
275. Sure I have, Carla.
Copy !req
276. A recent minute?
Copy !req
277. I was always afraid
you'd be too much woman for me.
Copy !req
278. You're a wise man, Sam Malone.
Copy !req
279. - Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Debbie.
Copy !req
280. Boy am I glad
you could make it tonight.
Copy !req
281. It really isn't very fair to call me
at the last minute like that.
Copy !req
282. It's a good thing
my boyfriend's a heavy sleeper.
Copy !req
283. I just didn't feel like
being alone tonight.
Copy !req
284. - What do you want to do?
- Something with just the two of us.
Copy !req
285. I don't wanna think about anything
or anybody but us all night long.
Copy !req