Chappelle's Show 2x3

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Dave Chappelle examines the age-old myth about white people's inability to dance. Dave tries out a new sleep aid. The Three Daves: A retrospective look at Dave at age 18, 24 and 30.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Let's start the show.

2. Ladies and gentlemen,

3. Dave Chappelle!

4. Oh!

5. Hey, everybody.

6. Hey!

7. Alright!

8. Alright!

9. Welcome to Chappelle's Show.

10. Man, welcome, guys. Thanks for coming out tonight.

11. You at home, thanks for tuning in.

12. You know, folks, it's been an interesting couple of weeks

13. here at Chappelle's Show—

14. Lot of flak I've been getting

15. for the racially-charged sketches.

16. It happens.

17. But I think I'm being misunderstood,

18. so I just want to take a moment to explain myself, okay?

19. I'm not advocating

20. in any way, shape or form

21. any type of racial hatred.

22. I'm just making fun of each other's cultures.

23. It's fun.

24. Problem is, when you do stereotypical kind of jokes,

25. there's no room for subtleties.

26. People always say things, for instance,

27. that white people can't dance.

28. It's not that white people can't dance.

29. Is that, is that really how it goes?

30. I don't think so.

31. Let's explore this further, okay?

32. I'd like to introduce a piece now

33. called "White people dancing."

34. Hey, gang.

35. You know, all my life I've heard that white people can't dance.

36. I don't believe that.

37. I don't think it's so much that white people can't dance,

38. it's just that they like certain musical instruments.

39. That instrument, my friends, is electric guitar.

40. It speaks directly to the soul of the white person.

41. They find it irresistible.

42. Now with me, as you can see, is my good friend, John Mayer.

43. How are ya?

44. And we are going to test this theory this afternoon.

45. You ready?

46. - I'm ready. - Let's do it.

47. Let's go.

48. It's my personal theory

49. that when white people hear electric guitar,

50. they cannot resist the urge to dance,

51. no matter where they are.

52. Well, me and John went to different locations

53. and put this theory to the test.

54. Okay, folks, here we are in a corporate board room.

55. You can see people behind us working in the bullpens.

56. And right now, a meeting is in progress.

57. We want to see what happens when you play electric guitar

58. in the most professional of settings.

59. - Ready, John? Yeah, I'm ready.

60. Okay, cool, go, go.

61. I knew it, I knew it.

62. Come on, let's get out of here.

63. Okay, we've seen how white people

64. respond to guitar music at work.

65. Now we're in a chic Manhattan restaurant.

66. It's lunchtime, the business crowd is here.

67. A lot of bush votes in the room.

68. Let's see how the conservative crowd acts

69. when they hear guitar music while they're eating.

70. John, play— Play The Fight Riff, play I!

71. These people— look it here!

72. Oh, my God, look at this!

73. Oh!

74. Oh, my gosh.

75. I've never seen anything like this, folks.

76. Enjoy your lunch, everybody.

77. Alright.

78. Every experiment needs a control.

79. Now, right now, me and John

80. are in a barber shop in Harlem.

81. Everyone here is either Black or Latino.

82. Let's see how electric guitar works on them.

83. - Ready, John? - Yeah.

84. Okay, okay, go, go.

85. Hey, yo!

86. Shut the fuck up!

87. Okay, okay.

88. That went pretty much how I expected.

89. Now, let's see how the blacks respond to drums.

90. Questlove, go.

91. Ahh... yeah!

92. Yeah!

93. Yeah!

94. Uh!

95. Play somethin', play somethin', play somethin'.

96. Oh!

97. Yeah!

98. Whoo!

99. Whoo, that worked like gangbusters!

100. But I still happened to notice,

101. some of the Latin people were nodding their heads,

102. but they weren't really feeling it

103. As much as I thought they would.

104. But I think I got the remedy.

105. What would happen if I incorporated within that

106. an electric piano?

107. Sanchez, go!

108. Alright, this is going great.

109. Now I'm gonna kick it up a notch, watch this.

110. Ay, caramba!

111. Ole!

112. Hey, guys, have a good day.

113. Sorry for interrupting.

114. So what did we learn, gang?

115. We learned that white people can dance

116. If you play what they like, electric guitar.

117. Of course, we, the blacks, can't resist drums.

118. And Latino's love congas and electric piano

119. with Spanish gibberish over it, I guess.

120. So next time someone says

121. that someone from another race can't dance—

122. Alright, alright.

123. We're gonna need to see a permit.

124. Excuse me?

125. You have to have a permit to shoot out here.

126. And we will fine you.

127. John, do something quick.

128. Eh...

129. That's right, sing it!

130. Hey, my man, how you know that song?

131. I'm from the suburbs, man, I can't help it.

132. I can't help it!

133. We're gonna take a quick commercial break.

134. Keep dancin', we'll be right back.

135. - How's this? - Go!

136. Hey, everybody, welcome back to Chappelle's Show.

137. Thanks for joining us.

138. You know, folks, I hate to hit this point so hard,

139. But remember, whenever we do these racial commentaries,

140. it's always about the subtleties.

141. We're all part of the same human family.

142. Our differences are just cultural, that's it.

143. For instance, when a white person is

144. maybe having trouble sleeping,

145. You might take some kind of, uh, warm milk—

146. I don't know what you drink.

147. For the black people,

148. we have a sleeping aid, too.

149. And it's just coming out on the market.

150. It's available for everyone's consumption.

151. And we're proud to be the first sponsor

152. of the newest sleep aid for Black America.

153. Here it is.

154. What is it, honey?

155. I got a big meeting tomorrow,

156. and I still can't sleep.

157. I took sleeping pills and everything.

158. Relax, honey.

159. I think I've got just the thing.

160. From the makers of Valtran and Simelox

161. comes America's number one sleeping aid.

162. Ribs.

163. Hickory!

164. Oh, wow.

165. Here's how it works.

166. Once ingested, ribs go to work on your stomach,

167. spreading barbecue sauce and greasy porkiness throughout,

168. creating an age-old condition called, the "ITIS."

169. You'll feel sluggish, drowsy

170. and should be asleep in a matter of minutes.

171. Got that ITIS.

172. Thanks, ribs.

173. Oh...

174. Mud butt.

175. What would be the inverse of that joke?

176. If I did that joke for white people,

177. what would it be, like, turkey or something?

178. I don't know— turkey, right?

179. What's the food that white people say,

180. "Boy, that sure makes me sleepy"?

181. - Huh? - Box of wine.

182. - What is it? - Box of wine.

183. Box of wine?

184. Wine comes in a box, America, damn!

185. He said that without hesitation, "Box of wine."

186. "Puts me right out."

187. We're gonna take a quick commercial break.

188. Don't go nowhere, we got more comedy for you

189. on Chappelle's Show.

190. That's right.

191. Better not bring your kids!

192. Welcome back.

193. Welcome back to Chappelle's Show, everybod.

194. A lot— one thing I've been hearing a lot recently is,

195. they say, you know, "Dave, you make fun of everybody

196. and everything, but how come you never make fun of yourself?"

197. 'Cause it's not easy, I'm sensitive.

198. But since you guys have been so good to me tonight,

199. I feel like I owe you no less.

200. This next piece is about the real Dave Chappelle.

201. It's personal, it's actually very personal,

202. but here it is.

203. Hey, I'm Dave Chappelle, host of Chappelle's Show.

204. Many guys are familiar with my on-screen persona,

205. but the question keeps popping up,

206. Who is Dave Chappelle, really?

207. Well, guys, the answer isn't so simple.

208. You see, in the last 12 years,

209. I've been at least three different people.

210. Here's me at 18.

211. Sincere, earnest, relentlessly optimistic.

212. Then there was me at 24.

213. Budding movie star, reefer addict

214. and a man with a sexual appetite

215. that would make Michael Douglas seem gay.

216. Then, of course, is the man who stands in front of you now.

217. Proud father, loyal husband and prompt taxpayer.

218. All three of these men had different psyches

219. and handled things in very different ways.

220. And with your permission,

221. I'd like to explore these three men tonight

222. in a piece that I like to call,

223. "Three Dave's."

224. Alright, first scenario.

225. Let's say I'm having problems in a relationship.

226. Why don't we take a look at how I used to handle that at 18?

227. Sharon, Sharon, look.

228. I want to work this out,

229. but you gotta talk to me.

230. You gotta open up.

231. Last week, when we were at that Das EFX concert,

232. I riggity realized...

233. I liggity love you.

234. Clickety clow!

235. Come on, girl, don't be like this.

236. You act like all I want to do

237. is zooma-zoom-zoom in your boom-boom.

238. Why you gotta be like this?

239. Clickety clow!

240. What a biggity bitch!

241. I'm talking about myself, of course.

242. Alright.

243. Well, let's see how I handled relationship difficulties

244. at 24.

245. I love her but she don't trust me.

246. I can't be with someone who don't trust me.

247. Oh, that sounds terrible.

248. Do you want another song, honey?

249. Yes, I do.

250. - $10. - I know.

251. And the other day,

252. you know what she had the nerve to say to me?

253. That I smell like I been at a titty bar.

254. So the fuck what!

255. Well, let's see how I handle relationship problems today,

256. Now that I'm a father and a husband

257. and all that good stuff.

258. Baby...

259. Baby, you up?

260. Oh, ooh.

261. Scenario two.

262. Let's say I'm pulled over by the police,

263. and I'm being treated less than fairly.

264. These kinds of things happen.

265. Why don't we see how 18-year-old Dave used to handle that?

266. Help!

267. Okay.

268. Now, let's take a look at 24-year-old Dave.

269. - I ain't do nothin'! - Get on the ground!

270. - Get on—on the ground! - Alright!

271. Hey-yeah!

272. What about you?

273. Why don't you get on the ground?

274. That's right— give me my license back.

275. Now, spread your cheeks and lift your sac.

276. That's right, and you know what?

277. I am high... I'm high!

278. And now, let's take a look at 30-year-old Dave.

279. Hi, license, insurance and registration, please.

280. Sure.

281. Sorry about that, I was running late

282. for a shoot for my show...

283. Chappelle's Show, I'm Dave Chappelle?

284. Oh, yeah?

285. I'm rich, bitch.

286. You haven't seen it?

287. Don't get it.

288. Buckle up, baby!

289. Yah!

290. Over the last 12 years of my career,

291. I went through a lot of ups and downs.

292. A lot of people ask me, "Dave, how do you handle it

293. when you lose out on a movie part

294. that you really want?"

295. It's a good question.

296. I'll show you how I used to handle it at 18 right now.

297. Well, who got the part?

298. The Wayans Brothers?

299. There's, there's more?

300. And here's how I handled

301. the same type of situation at 24.

302. Chris Tucker... fuck!

303. This is the second time this happened.

304. Who got the other part?

305. Tell me man, just—

306. Jackie Chan?

307. That motherfucker can't even speak English.

308. Shit!

309. And now, here's how sensible Shoe Dave

310. handles it at 30.

311. Who?

312. Who's Nick Cannon?

313. Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious.

314. Man, fuck you, son.

315. You probably think he's so goddamned hilarious

316. Because he just walked off with your school clothes money.

317. It's funny, isn't it?

318. I'm broke, nigga, I'm broke!

319. Well, I guess that gives you guys a pretty good idea

320. of how I've changed over the years.

321. But before I go, I just want to give each of me

322. a chance to tell you their overall philosophy in life.

323. 18-year-old Dave, you're on.

324. "When you lose...

325. don't lose the lesson."

326. His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.

327. That was touching.

328. Alright, how about you, me at 24?

329. "Hey, hey, hey, hey...

330. smoke weed every day."

331. Nate Dogg.

332. Dave at 30, what you got for me?

333. Fuck Nick Cannon.

334. Dave Chappelle.

335. He's hilarious.

336. You know, you're acting like a little bitch, alright?

337. Stop saying that, you trying to make your father feel bad?

338. I gotta pay all the bills around here.

339. You're gonna go tell your mother?

340. You tell your mother I'm cussin' in the house!

341. That's right, shit!

342. We're gonna take a quick commercial break.

343. But Dave at 30 will be right back after these messages.

344. Welcome back.

345. Welcome back, everybody.

346. It is time for another

347. Chappelle's Show musical performance.

348. As you can see tonight, we were lucky enough to have

349. John Mayer and Questlove from the roots appear in our sketch.

350. And while we were shootin' the sketch,

351. we actually shot a musical performance just for fun.

352. This next one, folks, is just for you.

353. Please welcome yours truly and The Dave Chappelle trio.

354. You know, folks, right now, the world is in trouble.

355. And I know it seems like the sketches we do are racey,

356. but this is all just comedy.

357. Really, it's all about love.

358. So this song right now is not only going out to you at home

359. and everyone across America, but everyone across the world.

360. And it goes a little something like this,

361. Alright.

362. Alright, alright.

363. Turn around!

364. That's right.

365. Turns out that life is all about you.

366. Thanks for watching the show this week.

367. I'd like to thank my guests John Mayer,

368. Questlove.

369. John on keyboards.

370. I'm Dave Chappelle.

371. I'll see you guys next week.

372. I'll see you next week, everybody, God bless.

373. I'm out.

374. I'm rich, bitch!

375. Hi, thank you.