1. Let's start the show.Copy !req
2. You've seen them
at Mardi GrasCopy !req
3. and on spring break.Copy !req
4. Now, see them as
you've never seen them before,Copy !req
5. in the wilds of Africa!Copy !req
6. That's right, available for
the first time on home video,Copy !req
7. it's National Geographic's
"Third-World Girls Gone Wild!"Copy !req
8. No collection of videos showingCopy !req
9. girls lifting their shirts up
is completeCopy !req
10. without National Geographic'sCopy !req
11. "Third-World Girls Gone Wild."Copy !req
12. Call now.Copy !req
13. Dave Chappelle!Copy !req
14. Hey!Copy !req
15. Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.Copy !req
16. You know, folks, uh,
it's Oscar season,Copy !req
17. and, uh, I don't know
who's gonna win,Copy !req
18. but I gotta tell you,
the most moving filmCopy !req
19. that I saw last year had to beCopy !req
20. Antwone Fisher.Copy !req
21. - Yes.Copy !req
22. It was directed
by Denzel Washington,Copy !req
23. but more noteworthy than thatCopy !req
24. is it was written
by Antwone Fisher,Copy !req
25. which is pretty deep.Copy !req
26. I didn't know you were allowedCopy !req
27. to write a movie about yourself.Copy !req
28. I mean, you know what I mean?Copy !req
29. The temptation to lie would be
too strong for meCopy !req
30. to do something like that.Copy !req
31. Not that I'm a liar,
but, man, this is a movie,Copy !req
32. you gotta tell the legend.Copy !req
33. So I bring to you now,
Dave Chappelle,Copy !req
34. written by Dave Chappelle.Copy !req
35. Once in a great while,Copy !req
36. a film comes along
that changes the wayCopy !req
37. we think about ourselves.Copy !req
38. Last time, alright?Copy !req
39. I want you to push,
Mrs. Chappelle.Copy !req
40. I want you to push.Copy !req
41. Excuse me.Copy !req
42. Ah!Copy !req
43. That is one funny-ass kid.Copy !req
44. Wacka-wacka!Copy !req
45. And look at the penis
on him!Copy !req
46. It's bigger than mine!Copy !req
47. What are you
gonna name him?Copy !req
48. I'm gonna call him Dave.Copy !req
49. Dave?
- Dave Chappelle.Copy !req
50. Watch your eye.Copy !req
51. He set his sights
on comedy,Copy !req
52. and would not be denied.Copy !req
53. Something needs to happen with
this comedy thing right now.Copy !req
54. His skills took him
to the top,Copy !req
55. and allowed him to have sex
with Janet Jackson,Copy !req
56. Jennifer Lopez,Copy !req
57. a bunch of the girls
from the Big Pimpin' videoCopy !req
58. and Halle Berry.Copy !req
59. That was great havin' sex
in the shower, Halle Berry.Copy !req
60. You drained
my Monster's Balls.Copy !req
61. - Aw, girl...Copy !req
62. Oh, hold up, I'm getting a call,
I'll be right back.Copy !req
63. Hello?Copy !req
64. Hey, Dave,
it's Eddie Murphy.Copy !req
65. And Richard Pryor.Copy !req
66. Ah, what's up, y'all?Copy !req
67. Hey, man,
we were just talkingCopy !req
68. about how much funnier
you are than us.Copy !req
69. Y'all crazy, man.Copy !req
70. Can you come
have dinner with us, Dave?Copy !req
71. I mean, really, please?Copy !req
72. Could you... Could you
have some dinner?Copy !req
73. Dinner tonight
sounds great, Richard Pryor.Copy !req
74. Really? Ha!Copy !req
75. You gonna bring Halle?Copy !req
76. 'Cause that's a fine bitch.Copy !req
77. Nah, son, that ain't
no dinner thing.Copy !req
78. Call me later, man.Copy !req
79. Hey, Halle,
how you gettin' home?Copy !req
80. And all the time,
he kept it real.Copy !req
81. Did I tell y'all
to sell drugs, huh?Copy !req
82. No, Hove did that!Copy !req
83. So hopefully none of y'all
have to go through that.Copy !req
84. His amazing journeyCopy !req
85. led him straight
to the halls of power.Copy !req
86. Thanks for having me, Mr. Bush.
I appreciate the invitation.Copy !req
87. Well, son,
your huge heart,Copy !req
88. generosity and courage
have saved America.Copy !req
89. You're the champ.Copy !req
90. I know I am.Copy !req
91. I beat everybody I faced,
and I'm still here.Copy !req
92. I'm still standin',
I'm still strong!Copy !req
93. I'm bright.Copy !req
94. Would you like to take
a bath with my daughters?Copy !req
95. They could learn something
from you,Copy !req
96. and I heard you have
a 16-inch penis.Copy !req
97. Eighteen, but who's countin'?Copy !req
98. Yeah, gimme
one of them...Copy !req
99. Yeah, thing there...
Did I get that right? Yeah...Copy !req
100. No!Copy !req
101. True story.Copy !req
102. Hey, look, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break,Copy !req
103. and we'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.Copy !req
104. Thank you.Copy !req
105. Ha-ha! Go ahead.Copy !req
106. Welcome back, gang,
welcome back.Copy !req
107. Folks, in my ongoing effortCopy !req
108. to promote dialogue amongst
the diversity of Americans,Copy !req
109. I have another segment
I would like to bring to you.Copy !req
110. A lot of you might, uh,
have questionsCopy !req
111. that you want
to ask gay people,Copy !req
112. but you're afraid, again,Copy !req
113. 'cause you're afraid to ask.Copy !req
114. So I gave people an opportunityCopy !req
115. to ask those questions, as well,Copy !req
116. and I got none other than
Mario Cantone,Copy !req
117. known as the gay guy
on, um, Sex and the City.Copy !req
118. Matter of fact,
he's just a gay guy in the city.Copy !req
119. But he's also
a fantastic comedian.Copy !req
120. Please, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
121. make some noise
for Mario CantoneCopy !req
122. and Ask a Gay Dude.Copy !req
123. Alright, I would like to knowCopy !req
124. when a gay guy
is performing oral sex,Copy !req
125. is it better than a female?Copy !req
126. Better... Better...
How the fuck do I know?Copy !req
127. Next question!Copy !req
128. It's better!Copy !req
129. Hey, yo, I just got one question
for you fruity pants out there,Copy !req
130. it's Bazaar Royale from
Bloodline Records,Copy !req
131. I wanna know,
what is the rainbow about?Copy !req
132. What is the rainbow about!Copy !req
133. I'm not feelin' the rainbow!
I'm not feelin' the rainbow!Copy !req
134. Get back at me about that!Copy !req
135. "Fruity pants",
let me tell you something.Copy !req
136. I'll put a band-aid
over your left cheekCopy !req
137. and make you my Nelly.Copy !req
138. Fruity pants!Copy !req
139. Since you're guys...Copy !req
140. Like, guys are always,
like, after every chick...Copy !req
141. So, since you're still a guy,
but you like guys,Copy !req
142. then, you'd be after
every guy...Copy !req
143. So, do you want me...Copy !req
144. now?Copy !req
145. Do you want this?Copy !req
146. You can't have this,
but if you want...Copy !req
147. I wanna know
do you want this?Copy !req
148. Oh-oh, you tease.Copy !req
149. You big tease.Copy !req
150. Hold on one second.Copy !req
151. I gotta tell you guys, man, uh,Copy !req
152. my favorite TV show
for the last few yearsCopy !req
153. has been The Real World.Copy !req
154. Maybe real life is just more
interesting than fake life,Copy !req
155. I don't know what it is...Copy !req
156. But that show moves me!Copy !req
157. But the thing that makes me,
like, mad about...Copy !req
158. Not mad, but I just don't like
this about The Real World,Copy !req
159. is every few years, they always
put a Black guy on thereCopy !req
160. and try to make him
look crazy.Copy !req
161. Like, he'll freak out,
you know, but it's like...Copy !req
162. Of course, he's gonna freak out.Copy !req
163. You put him aroundCopy !req
164. six of the craziest
white people you can find,Copy !req
165. and then expect him to live
a normal life.Copy !req
166. They would not like that
if we made a showCopy !req
167. where we put one white guyCopy !req
168. around six of the craziest
Black people we could find,Copy !req
169. would they?Copy !req
170. Well, guess what?Copy !req
171. I got a show just like that.Copy !req
172. This is the true story of six
motherfuckin' strangers...Copy !req
173. Bein' put in a motherfuckin'
house...Copy !req
174. And havin' their
motherfuckin' lives taped...Copy !req
175. Find out what happensCopy !req
176. when people stop
bein' all polite and shitCopy !req
177. and start bein' real.Copy !req
178. Mad real.Copy !req
179. Mad Real World, son.Copy !req
180. Hoboken!Copy !req
181. a'ight?Copy !req
182. - A'ight?
- Alright?Copy !req
183. When I first entered the house,
um, you know...Copy !req
184. needless to say,
I was a little surprisedCopy !req
185. to meet the other roommates.Copy !req
186. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
187. How ya doin'?Copy !req
188. What's up, baby?Copy !req
189. What? What?
What? What?Copy !req
190. Hey, what's goin' on?
My name is Chad.Copy !req
191. I don't really hang out
with too many Black people.Copy !req
192. Who ordered pizza?Copy !req
193. No, no, no, I... I...
I'm your new roommate, right?Copy !req
194. You wanna... You wanna room?Copy !req
195. Nah, all the beds is full.Copy !req
196. You got to room with TyRee.Copy !req
197. My name is TyRee, and, yeah,Copy !req
198. I went to prison.Copy !req
199. I'm your roommate, Chad.Copy !req
200. Well, looky here, Chad,Copy !req
201. for the entire period
you in my room,Copy !req
202. I better not catch you
standin' up peein'.Copy !req
203. You sit down when you pee,
you understand?Copy !req
204. Uh...Copy !req
205. That's right.Copy !req
206. Now, get your fat-ass on
out of here, white boy.Copy !req
207. Nighty-night,
keep your butthole tight.Copy !req
208. Let me try on some
cotton Dockers.Copy !req
209. What's the square root
of this apartment?Copy !req
210. He didn't knowCopy !req
211. what he was getting
himself into, you know?Copy !req
212. They gave us a job
running the juice bar.Copy !req
213. - Alright, enjoy.
- Thanks a lot.Copy !req
214. I wasn't really crazyCopy !req
215. about the wayCopy !req
216. some of the other roommates, um,Copy !req
217. acted in the juice bar.Copy !req
218. Look at me, America,
I'm makin' juice.Copy !req
219. I call this, "The Tron Special."Copy !req
220. Boo-ya!Copy !req
221. This right here
is the good shit.Copy !req
222. Drip, drip, drip, drip...Copy !req
223. It's just better if, uh, if—Copy !req
224. Get outta my face, nigga!Copy !req
225. I'm making juice, alright?Copy !req
226. Fine, fine, you make your juice,
I don't know.Copy !req
227. Whoa!Copy !req
228. They didn't have much respect
for the job.Copy !req
229. Alright, alright.Copy !req
230. Hold on, let me roll, one more
roll, one more roll. Alright.Copy !req
231. Hey, uh, guys,
you know, uh...Copy !req
232. We're here to work, not play.Copy !req
233. You know, we can't have
this conversation every day.Copy !req
234. Hey!Copy !req
235. Yo, what is your problem, man?Copy !req
236. Why you wanna
work so hard, huh?Copy !req
237. Yeah, man, America wanna
see us live, not work.Copy !req
238. Look at me, America,
Look how Tron is living.Copy !req
239. For the city...Copy !req
240. Get your ass
outta here. Now!Copy !req
241. This is a place of business...Copy !req
242. Well, bring some juice back,
nigga!Copy !req
243. Sell me some juice, bitch,
I'm thirsty!Copy !req
244. Get me a Philly Blunt, son.Copy !req
245. And a banana cognac, biatch!Copy !req
246. C'mon, a-clickety-clack,
a-clickety-clack.Copy !req
247. Police, nigga, police!Copy !req
248. They comin' this way!Copy !req
249. This way, come on, y'all!Copy !req
250. Get my money!
Hurry, get my money!Copy !req
251. My girlfriend Katie
came in from Maine,Copy !req
252. so great to spend
some quality time with her.Copy !req
253. Hi, my name is Katie.Copy !req
254. I know we're still young,Copy !req
255. but, I get the feelingCopy !req
256. that Katie, you know,Copy !req
257. she might be the one.Copy !req
258. TyRee made me
really uncomfortable,Copy !req
259. the way he was looking
at me and Katie.Copy !req
260. Something in his eyes
that kind of scared me,Copy !req
261. you know, and, uh...
It wasn't appropriate.Copy !req
262. Keep on doin' what you doin'.Copy !req
263. And then there was
that one night in my room.Copy !req
264. Say, nigga,
get your ass up.Copy !req
265. I need that bed.
I got company.Copy !req
266. My man, Lysol,
fresh out the joint.Copy !req
267. Yeah.Copy !req
268. Hello, Lysol.
No problem, TyRee.Copy !req
269. C'mon, Katie, let's go.Copy !req
270. No, nah, nah, son,Copy !req
271. ooh, she can stay.Copy !req
272. You know what, Chad?
I'm gonna stay here.Copy !req
273. Lysol and TyRee, they're just
genuinely nice guys.Copy !req
274. What you waitin' for, man?
Get your fat-ass out of hereCopy !req
275. before I cut some bacon
off your back.Copy !req
276. Can we stop the tape?Copy !req
277. What's up?Copy !req
278. Yeah, we gonna send that
back to the joint,Copy !req
279. so niggas know
how we livin' out here,Copy !req
280. you know what I mean?Copy !req
281. I saw Katie with, uh,
TyRee and Lysol,Copy !req
282. and, um,Copy !req
283. I worked my way through it.Copy !req
284. Do your thing there,
doggy, Yeah!Copy !req
285. Oh, Katie...Copy !req
286. Yo, could you hold it down?Copy !req
287. We're tryin' to make
love over here.Copy !req
288. Chappelle's Show
will be right backCopy !req
289. with more Mad Real World,
biatch!Copy !req
290. Okay.Copy !req
291. And, now,
more Mad Real World.Copy !req
292. Um, it's good to be
alone for a minuteCopy !req
293. in the confession room.Copy !req
294. Niggas is wildin'!Copy !req
295. I remember that we were
all joking around,Copy !req
296. and Tron got me in a, uh,Copy !req
297. a sleeper hold.Copy !req
298. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
299. I'm king of the world!Copy !req
300. I don't think he meant
to hurt me, but, uh...Copy !req
301. I don't... I'll be honest,Copy !req
302. I don't remember
a whole lot after that.Copy !req
303. We gonna take
Chad upstairs,Copy !req
304. you know what I'm sayin',
and tuck him in.Copy !req
305. Oh, okay, that's nice, yeah.Copy !req
306. Be careful if you get
a sleeper holdCopy !req
307. because the next day
your anus will really hurt.Copy !req
308. You know, I'll admit it,Copy !req
309. when my dad came by,
I was a little bit concerned.Copy !req
310. Hey, guys,Copy !req
311. I'd like to introduce you all
to my dad.Copy !req
312. I brought some brownies.Copy !req
313. Do they got weed in 'em?Copy !req
314. No!Copy !req
315. I felt bad for that white boy,Copy !req
316. but his daddy shouldn't have
looked at her like that,Copy !req
317. so, you know?Copy !req
318. 'cause I don't like
how you looked at me.Copy !req
319. Why you gotta
look at me like that?Copy !req
320. Zondra, I apologize.Copy !req
321. I don't know
how I'm looking at you.Copy !req
322. Like that!
- Like what?Copy !req
323. Oh, look! Look, he doin' it!Copy !req
324. I'll look over here!Copy !req
325. Don't look at me!Copy !req
326. He don't know
how to talk to people.Copy !req
327. Why you gotta
be lookin' at me, white man?Copy !req
328. I'm not looking
at anyone, if someone...Copy !req
329. I've been stabbed!Copy !req
330. Blah, blah...Copy !req
331. Zondra, I've been stabbed.Copy !req
332. And I don't know what I did!Copy !req
333. You came in the house
with six wild niggas,Copy !req
334. that's what you did!Copy !req
335. "I'm... I'm bleeding!"Copy !req
336. Hey, guys,
what's going on out there?Copy !req
337. Ha! I said, look...Copy !req
338. Enough!Copy !req
339. What is wrong
with you people?Copy !req
340. Can't you be quiet
for one night?Copy !req
341. It's 1:30 in the morning
and I have to get up earlyCopy !req
342. to go to work!Copy !req
343. Damn it!Copy !req
344. Oh, this white boy's trippin',
"You people?"Copy !req
345. What the hell you mean,
"You people?"Copy !req
346. I think we need to have
a house meeting, y'all.Copy !req
347. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
348. A'ight?Copy !req
349. The reason why we called
this house meeting isCopy !req
350. because we just don't feel safe
with youCopy !req
351. in the house anymore, Chad.Copy !req
352. Are you serious?Copy !req
353. I don't feel safe.Copy !req
354. We feel as though you should
leave, man... today.Copy !req
355. I should leave?Copy !req
356. TyRee, you...
You stabbed my dad!Copy !req
357. And you had sex with Katie.Copy !req
358. Wait a minute,
you got that all wrong.Copy !req
359. I didn't have sex with Katie.Copy !req
360. Lysol had sex with Katie.Copy !req
361. I just filmed it.Copy !req
362. No, TyRee,Copy !req
363. you had sex with me too.Copy !req
364. Correction,Copy !req
365. I had sex with Katie.Copy !req
366. And now you want me to leave?Copy !req
367. I mean, really, man,Copy !req
368. we could just fuck you up.Copy !req
369. But, you know, we tryin' to be,
you know, congenial about this.Copy !req
370. But worse come to worse,Copy !req
371. we reserve the right
to fuck you up.Copy !req
372. Fuck you up.Copy !req
373. Right.Copy !req
374. Fine, I...Copy !req
375. I guess, I'll go.Copy !req
376. Hey, Chad?Copy !req
377. I had sex with Katie too, man.Copy !req
378. Katie has some big-ass titties.Copy !req
379. We're gonna take
a quick commercial break,Copy !req
380. and we'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.Copy !req
381. How about that?Copy !req
382. Now, here to reenactCopy !req
383. one of my favorite
Real World moments,Copy !req
384. make some noise for my man,Copy !req
385. David Broom
from the New Orleans' cast.Copy !req
386. What's up, maestro?Copy !req
387. Take me there, son.Copy !req
388. - Take me there.Copy !req
389. Oh, so baller!Copy !req
390. You mind if I sing
a little bit over that?Copy !req
391. Yeah, man, go ahead.Copy !req
392. Oh, yeah, you set 'em up nice,
I'm gonna come in.Copy !req
393. I'm gonna come in...
Watch how I do it.Copy !req
394. Aw, you lost me.Copy !req
395. Oh, that's monster.Copy !req
396. She treat 'em bad,
don't she?Copy !req
397. She treated them thugs bad.Copy !req
398. Come on, you rotten bitch,
be my baby!Copy !req
399. I would like to thank
David Broom.Copy !req
400. I would like to thank you
at homeCopy !req
401. and you here in the studio.Copy !req
402. God bless you all,
and I'll see you next week.Copy !req
403. I'm out.Copy !req
404. Hi, thank you.Copy !req
405. What you doin', girl?Copy !req
406. Huh? What you mean,
what am I talkin' about, girl?Copy !req
407. You know what
I'm talkin' about.Copy !req
408. Come over here
so I can stick my chocolateCopy !req
409. in your peanut butter.Copy !req
410. What?Copy !req
411. Oh, I'm sorry...Copy !req
412. No, no,
pardon me, miss, I...Copy !req
413. I understand, I didn't know
it was an emergency.Copy !req
414. Bitch, I'm tellin' ya!Copy !req
415. I didn't know it was
an emergency, I'm sorry!Copy !req
416. Alright! Hmm.Copy !req
417. Chad, it's your moms.Copy !req
418. She say something wrong
with you grandmother.Copy !req
419. She dead
or something, my fault.Copy !req
420. - Mommy?
BitchCopy !req