Carol & the End of the World 1x7

Directed by Bert Youn

Laurie Metcalf as HR Lady (voice) • Shelby Young as (voice) • Loudon Wainwright III as (voice) • Tim Heidecker as (voice) • James Urbaniak as (voice)

Luis recruits Carol and Donna to look for a lost piece of jewelry, sending them deep into the recesses of the office's lost and found.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Sloppy. - Poor.

2. - Not up to par. - Lackadaisical.

3. Do we need to go on?

4. I… don't understand.

5. Gil, your output has been unsatisfactory and grounds for reprimand.

6. Which is why we think you might benefit from a little vacation.

7. Wha… A vacation?

8. A two-week, paid vacation.

9. Mandatory.

10. - Oh, please. No, I can't.

11. It's for the best, Gil.

12. It's time for you to take a load off and relax.

13. See the world.

14. Please! I'll do better—

15. We've already set your phone and email messages to outgoing.

16. Oh please!

17. Oh God!

18. Don't do this to me.

19. [both, cheerfully] Meeting adjourned.

20. Maybe you can show us pictures when you get back.

21. I can't go on a vacation.

22. Don't you just love it here?

23. I'm learning to play the trombone.

24. Ahh!

25. - Name?

26. Petey… Leonard.

27. That's Payroll. This is Accounts Receivable.

28. Sales is two floors up. Marketing is one down.

29. Conservative colors are recommended.

30. And this right here is you.

31. Any questions?

32. Welcome aboard.

33. It was a vintage piece, handmade with gold trimmings.

34. And it's not at home?

35. No, it has to be here. It must've fallen off somewhere.

36. You know it. I wear it every day.

37. You do?

38. Since when?

39. Since forever. I never leave the house without it.

40. It's my lucky beetle broach. You've seen it.

41. Luis, this is the first time I'm hearing of this bug broach.

42. It had a chain and emerald wings.

43. Remember?

44. My beetle broach.

45. I used to get compliments.

46. "What a beautiful broach." "That's a beautiful broach."

47. You know, things people say to someone wearing one.

48. I feel like I would remember that.

49. Carol?

50. It's a beetle?

51. Look, here, see?

52. That's where it used to go. It left a hole.

53. Donna, my abuela gave me that broach.

54. This is serious.

55. It's my signature broach.

56. Luis, relax.

57. If this broach neither of us have seen or can remember does exist,

58. then maybe someone found it and put it in the lost and found.

59. We have a lost and found?

60. Oh boy.

61. This is gonna take forever.

62. It's got to be somewhere in here.

63. This would be easier if I knew what the hell it actually looked like.

64. Bug broach.

65. Donna, it's a beetle broach.

66. The broach I've worn my whole life.

67. If you say so.

68. Wow, look at all this.

69. Yeah, it's amazing no one thought to throw this crap out.

70. Donna, these are people's belongings.

71. Not anymore.

72. But, like, look at this scarf.

73. It's so pretty. I wonder what happened to it.

74. - Carol, it's a scarf.

75. They're a dime a dozen. I get one every year.

76. Someone was cold, they wore it out and forgot it on a chair.

77. The end.

78. I guess so.

79. Trust me, Carol, not everything has some huge, elaborate story.

80. The coffee.

81. Are you okay?

82. I need coffee.

83. Shit, man. You need help?

84. Yo, baby!

85. You wanna race, or you wanna suck on some exhaust?

86. Espresso, baby!

87. Holy shit!

88. Oh…

89. Shit.

90. Saturday.

91. Who loses shit like this?

92. Just keep looking.

93. We're getting close, okay? I can feel it.

94. It's sad seeing all this stuff.

95. I bet they're missed.

96. I don't know. I just hate losing things.

97. In the fourth grade, I left a thermos at the zoo.

98. Sometimes I still go back and look for it.

99. Hey, look. An earring.

100. Hold up. That's mine. I wondered where that went.

101. Kiss my neck.

102. There's actually a lot of earrings in here.

103. After this, we're done. You hear me?

104. We can't keep…

105. Nope, not my style. Mm.

106. Too flashy.

107. Cassoulet is just about ready.

108. It's in the style of Toulouse.

109. Is that a region in France?

110. Mm-hm.

111. Did those numbers ever come back?

112. A 104.3% chance of impact.

113. Out of 100?

114. That's the number the computer came back with.

115. That doesn't make sense.

116. - Do you know Wigner? - The violinist?

117. Mathematician.

118. He saw math as this miracle because of how it made everything make sense.

119. Maybe the computer is wrong.

120. You're missing the point.

121. We're staring at a real miracle here.

122. - You think it would make a good play? - A what?

123. A good two-act play.

124. About a group of scientists and a computer.

125. Oh, uh…

126. I don't know.

127. Maybe?

128. The first act is set in London. The second at Harvard.

129. Eugene Wigner is in it. He eats a cassoulet.

130. You want to write a play?

131. I'm actually thinking about quitting NASA to do it.

132. Whoa. Wow.

133. - Come with me. - What?

134. Come and help me write this play.

135. I have a treatment and everything. We're both in it, and Wigner.

136. The actor playing the computer will speak into a microphone from offstage.

137. I… can't.

138. - You don't like the play? - No. I just can't.

139. Why not?

140. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

141. There's nothing I can't believe.

142. Suck my fuck, Keppler 9C.

143. - Easy, buddy. - And eat shit! Whoa!

144. - I'm okay, I'm okay. - Let's go back inside.

145. Don't fucking touch me! I'm fine.

146. I'm… fine.

147. 104.3%.

148. - A whole bag of shit.

149. I'm here. How was your day? Over.

150. Pretty much the best day of my life. Over.

151. Same. Over.

152. I rode a bull named Brutus for 17 seconds. Over.

153. I went white-water rafting without a life jacket. I almost died.

154. Over.

155. What are you doing tomorrow? Over.

156. Drag race through the city. You? Over.

157. Reuniting with a long-lost brother. Over.

158. Tell me how it goes. Over.

159. You know…

160. You know, I was thinking maybe…

161. If you ever wanted…

162. That we could…

163. Nah, you're busy.

164. Over.

165. What were you going to ask? Over.

166. It's nothing.

167. Over.

168. Okay.

169. Over.

170. You know what this reminds me of?

171. Shopping secondhand.

172. I always liked Goodwill.

173. Not the clutter or the childless toys.

174. But some of the sweaters were nice.

175. I once got a clock from Goodwill.

176. The kids swore it was haunted.

177. But two bucks is a deal, and it worked.

178. [inhales, sighs] That's good enough for me.

179. I feel like you guys aren't even looking!

180. What are you doing?

181. Almost done.

182. Um, Mom?

183. David?

184. - Who is she? - I don't know.

185. Your garbage disposal is broken.

186. Good morning little planet.

187. Where is it? You see it?

188. Christ. This is it, isn't it?

189. No, come on. You don't know.

190. It's aliens, right?

191. It's got to be aliens.

192. Oh God, it's aliens!

193. Just get the car ready.

194. Yes, pack everything.

195. I don't know where. It doesn't matter, just pack!

196. Calm down!

197. We ask for patience as we continue gathering information

198. on the planetary object that has appeared over the…

199. - Don't you see? We're all gonna die!

200. All of us, eaten up like nothing!

201. Get out of my way!

202. I'm sorry we didn't find your broach.

203. It sounded like a really beautiful broach.

204. I feel anxious.

205. I like banana bread.

206. We should talk more to Doug.

207. Well, that's it, I guess.

208. Golden Harvest Foods.

209. Those reports ready for me yet?

210. I need you to hunt down all our receipts for this past quarter. Thank you.

211. Yeah.

212. It's not zeroing out.

213. I really thought we were gonna find it.

214. Well, you never know.

215. Sometimes things pop back up.

216. Like all this stuff.

217. The umbrellas, the sweaters,

218. these pants with the rude word on the butt.

219. I don't know.

220. They're kind of like everyone here.

221. Aw, hell no.

222. I know you didn't just call me an umbrella.

223. No.

224. Maybe.

225. But hear me out.

226. Thank you. Don't forget October and November.

227. It's like there was a time we were all lost…

228. looking for somewhere to go.

229. It's aliens, right? It's got to be aliens!

230. Oh God! it's aliens!

231. We're all fucked!

232. I need the reports from January on my desk by end of day. Thank you.

233. You're not gonna believe what I'm doing right now.

234. I'm working!

235. Yeah, at a real thing.

236. I'm not kidding.

237. Right. Let's get you started.

238. I need the reports from January on my desk by end of day. Thank you.

239. Holy crap, is this for real?

240. It better not be no fucking cult.

241. Don't make me go back out there.

242. I can't! Please! Please, no!

243. No, I hate it. I hate it out there!

244. That's Payroll, this is Accounts Receivable,

245. Sales is two floors up, Marketing is one down,

246. these men are all named Terry,

247. and this right here is you.

248. I guess what I'm saying is,

249. sometimes you just gotta give things time to be lost.

250. You know?

251. Before they can be found.

252. Thanks, Carol.

253. Well, are we done here?

254. Oh!

255. There you are! I've been looking for you all day.

256. You were looking for me?

257. - I was looking for you!

258. Hahahahaha!