Carol & the End of the World 1x6

Directed by Erica Hayes

Misty Lee as (voice) • David Kaye as (voice) • Scott Adsit as (voice) • Ato Blankson-Wood as (voice) • Brandon Fobbs as (voice)

While Donna celebrates April Christmas with her kids, a tipsy Carol decides to chaperone a mysterious young trick-or-treater.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Stupid weekend.

2. Stupid, dumb, stupid weekend.

3. - Beautiful! I love it! - What?

4. - Oh. - All right, more of that.

5. Now, bigger. Bigger, now.

6. More agency now. Yeah, more energy.

7. That's it.

8. Okay, good. Let's, uh… Let's take five.

9. The capsule will showcase the diverse life and culture Earth—

10. Cynthia Torres, the last woman in Cincinnati, is happy knowing—

11. - Everyone knows, bitch!

12. Everyone!

13. I swear to God, if Keppler doesn't kill you, I will!

14. Jesus!

15. …with the remaining crew abandoning The Grand Coda,

16. - leaving passengers stranded aboard the—

17. Marlon, your mom is here!

18. Merry April Christmas!

19. Mmm!

20. The house looks insane!

21. - Oh, thanks. It took forever.

22. Ooh!

23. You're getting so cute!

24. Hi, Jackie, Connor, James, Janet,

25. Vanisha, Sherry, Kristina.

26. And who is this?

27. Oh, this is Afu.

28. Here. Sherry knit you a sweater.

29. - Put it on. - Right now?

30. Come on. You gotta wear it. - I mean, yeah, we all got ours.

31. Okay, okay! I'll put it on.

32. You mumbled everything.

33. Everything!

34. Jackie, did I mumble?

35. No, but you were doing this weird voice thing.

36. - Yes, yes! What was that goofy-ass voice?

37. Uh… "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past!"

38. That was a British accent!

39. Nobody else was doing an accent.

40. Oh, it's perfect!

41. I was following the script. It's Dickens. It's a British play.

42. You remember Connor in A Christmas Carol?

43. When was this? Middle school?

44. No, high school. Yeah, I think you had to work.

45. Oh.

46. - They ruined acting for me anyway. - No, we saved you.

47. They kept walking up afterwards

48. and asking for autographs in front of everyone,

49. calling me Denzel.

50. We were trying to cheer you up.

51. I… I don't remember you acting.

52. Some wine?

53. Thank you.

54. Trick-or-treat!

55. Um, hold on.

56. Okay.

57. You're real.

58. I'm sorry.

59. I think I had too much wine

60. to drink.

61. What?

62. I'm drunk. I'm sorry.

63. Do you have candy?

64. I don't know.

65. If you promise not to cry or make a mess,

66. I guess you can come in and look for some.

67. I'm not supposed to.

68. Yeah.

69. Wow. It's already dark out.

70. Should you even be out this late?

71. I'm a vampire.

72. Hi.

73. I'm Carol.

74. Trick-or-treat!

75. Hi, Greg.

76. Hi, Carol. Oh. Are you okay?

77. No, I'm pretty drunk right now.

78. I wasn't going to tell you, but I guess I just did.

79. I'm sorry.

80. I'm drunk.

81. Are you the Tin Man?

82. No, I'm just Greg. Honey, do we have any candy?

83. - No, but we have pie. Do you want pie?

84. Two, please.

85. Is this your nephew?

86. No. I don't know who this is.

87. I'm trying to get him home.

88. He's alone and it's dark.

89. And I don't really…

90. Kids make me nervous.

91. The costume?

92. No, but it doesn't help.

93. - Will you please help me get him home? - Of course!

94. Honey, make those pies to go. I need to help a little Dracula get home.

95. I'm a vampire.

96. Do they want Thanksgiving turkey or some mashed potatoes?

97. Nope, just bring the pies.

98. Mm!

99. Sherry, this must be your influence.

100. 'Cause we don't have the cooking gene in my family.

101. That's not true.

102. - Marlon could always cook. - Since when?

103. He taught us how to make breakfast.

104. - He did? Yeah.

105. - I didn't realize— - Home Ec.

106. Oh.

107. Now, if Mom was hosting Christmas dinner, it would be at the old King Buffet.

108. All-you-can-eat garlic bread? Y'all loved that place!

109. Yeah, because you'd let us start off with the soft-serve and candy.

110. Okay, that sounds bad, but that was only on Christmas.

111. Back in the day, my gift game was lacking,

112. so I just let y'all get cracked out on sugar.

113. It was the least I could do.

114. Oh, remember? Remember? "Your balls are showing."

115. - Oh my God!

116. What?

117. What did the rug say to the Christmas tree?

118. One Christmas, they wouldn't stop with that!

119. It was so embarrassing. The whole dinner was that.

120. Five like that? I can't imagine it.

121. I can barely handle the fighting between these three.

122. It was nice sometimes.

123. I remember coming home from work and they'd all be crawled up on my bed,

124. like four little puppies.

125. That's because we were hiding from Connor and the handyman.

126. - The what? - Oh my God. The handyman!

127. I forgot about the handyman.

128. What's that? You never told me about no handyman.

129. - It was this thing Connor used to do. - No, we all did it.

130. Pfft. Stop. You always did that.

131. Okay, but Mom left me in charge and you all wouldn't listen.

132. - So I had to be creative. - What was it?

133. Connor would wear a slice of ham on his face,

134. then he would chase us around the house with a wrench.

135. "Are these shelves loose?"

136. Yeah. And then it became… Uh, what was that again?

137. "Did you change the furnace filter?"

138. I don't even know why it was so scary!

139. See, and you all say I'm not a good actor.

140. Yeah. You're only good with the piece of ham on your face.

141. Where was I in all of this?

142. That's when you worked nights at the Food Lion.

143. Right.

144. Oh, man. Remember when she set off the fire alarm? "Wake up!"

145. And Connor still be sleeping.

146. That's where you got that? Dad does that.

147. Well, yeah. You have Grandma to thank for that.

148. God, she's so big.

149. You were this tiny little thing.

150. You all were.

151. So, is everyone taking off in the morning?

152. Yeah. Afu and I are going to New Zealand for a wedding.

153. - The Great Barrier Reef. - Stonehenge.

154. - The salt flats in Bolivia. - India.

155. And you?

156. Me? Oh, you know.

157. Staying in town. Still got a lot of work to do on my novel.

158. You never know.

159. Maybe going out and exploring the world will get your creative juices going.

160. Yeah, maybe.

161. Thank you!

162. So, Mr. Vampire, do you know where you live?

163. And what direction would that be?

164. Oh, down there?

165. Okay. And do you happen to know how far?

166. I guess it's that way.

167. You think maybe

168. we should get the military involved?

169. Carol, those tiny feet of his couldn't have gone that far.

170. - We'll just trick-or-treat him home. - Hopefully it's close.

171. I don't know.

172. I have, like, six things I say to strangers.

173. "Hello."

174. "How are you?"

175. "Nice to meet you."

176. "Were you using that?"

177. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

178. Trick-or-treat! - But with kids, it's a free-for-all.

179. You ask them their name and they'll say, "You look sad,"

180. then forget they even said it.

181. I think they're fun.

182. Trick-or-treat!

183. Trick-or-treat!

184. - [flubs note, bangs piano keys] - Fuck!

185. Whoa!

186. Hello?

187. Is anyone home?

188. They gave me a Jolly Rancher!

189. Wow! That's a lot of candy!

190. Yeah, I got Snickers,

191. two Snickers,

192. Dots, Reese's Pieces,

193. Twix, Butterfingers,

194. chocolate mints, Fruit Chews, Skittles,

195. M&Ms, Kit Kats, gummy worms, Sour Patch Kids…

196. …Three Musketeers, gum, Warheads,

197. three packs of Starbursts, marshmallows,

198. Twizzlers, black Twizzlers…

199. - Laffy Taffy, Life Savers.

200. That's great. Isn't that great, Carol?

201. Uh-huh.

202. And a chocolate bunny and a bunch of lollipops.

203. Hey, buddy? I don't think anyone is home.

204. Um, young man?

205. How about the next house be our last, okay?

206. We still don't even know where you live.

207. Young man?

208. It's getting late.

209. - [up-tempo electronic music playing] - Hey!

210. Come back!

211. Mr. Vampire!

212. Oh, God. I think I'm gonna die.

213. - Are you okay?

214. No!

215. Shit! Shit! Shit!

216. It's everything we talked about.

217. Ten Percocet, two dozen Xanax, and a Tylenol 3.

218. Enjoy.

219. Hi, Mom.

220. Thank you, Mom.

221. Yeah, just some people over.

222. Nothing too big.

223. I love you, too.

224. Yes, Mom, I'm still gay.

225. Thank you for calling.

226. Say hi to Dad for me, okay?

227. I love you. Kisses.

228. Sherry, do you know where the other nightlight is?

229. I wish I didn't have to work as much as I did.

230. I had to, you know?

231. Maybe I could have done it differently.

232. Vampire!

233. Little vampire!

234. Mr. Vampire?

235. I'm sorry, vampire boy!

236. Please come back!

237. Sir, sir, have you seen a tiny vampire walk by?

238. Like Nosferatu?

239. No, like a Dracula, but smaller.

240. I have candy, little boy!

241. Or I can get some!

242. - All the candy you want!

243. - Me? - No, not you.

244. A little vampire boy.

245. - Aww.

246. Little vampire?

247. Hello?

248. Um, hi.

249. So, I guess…

250. I'm not sure, but…

251. Um, do you want to come down now?

252. Maybe go home?

253. You smell.

254. Yeah.

255. That's vomit.

256. I'm sorry about that.

257. So, are you okay?

258. 'Cause I was pretty worried about you.

259. It's weird.

260. Usually…

261. I mean, I can handle teens

262. and some older ones,

263. but anything younger, I struggle.

264. I couldn't even play with baby dolls when I was your age.

265. I shouldn't have tried to force you to go home,

266. but when you went missing, I got really scared.

267. You did?

268. Yeah. More scared than kids usually make me.

269. I like being scary.

270. Yeah, well, you're the scariest.

271. Will you forgive me?

272. I hate baby dolls too.

273. Yeah, they creep me out.

274. Even looking at pregnant women sometimes kind of…

275. Do you know what a panic attack is?

276. No.

277. It's like, um,

278. if someone took all your candy,

279. and you couldn't find it,

280. but you had to find it.

281. And then you realize

282. maybe there wasn't any candy in the first place.

283. You're funny.

284. I don't know about that,

285. but I want to thank you for not insulting me for no reason.

286. Where are your parents?

287. All set?

288. Oh.

289. Thanks.

290. Merry Christmas, Mom.

291. Daddy! Santa got me a new bicycle!

292. If you look, there's more under the tree.

293. - This one's for you. - Oh.

294. What's this?

295. Who's it from?

296. Santa!

297. Oh.

298. Where did you find this?

299. In the attic with Grandma's old stuff.

300. Oh my God.

301. Ooh, look at you.

302. Oh! Nail salon.

303. Mom came home from a double being like,

304. "Sorry, I'm late. My reindeer broke down."

305. Yeah, then dumped like two garbage bags filled with toys on the ground

306. - and collapsed on the couch.

307. - That was so funny! - And she was out!

308. Woman didn't wake up until the next morning.

309. Oh, and we just left her there.

310. Shoot, that suit was comfortable with the pillows.

311. - That's still my favorite Christmas. - Mine too.

312. Trish. Come say goodbye to everyone, okay?

313. Mmm! Ooh!

314. Mm.

315. Thank you for the gift.

316. It means a lot. It really does.

317. I wish…

318. I just know there should have been a lot more of me in here.

319. Mom, no.

320. Yeah, you did enough.

321. You did.

322. Thank you.

323. - We should do this again. Yeah. Next month.

324. Yeah! May Christmas!

325. Mmm.