Carol & the End of the World 1x3

Directed by Bert Youn

Delbert Hunt as (voice) • Shelby Young as (voice) • Matt Walsh as (voice) • Tim Heidecker as (voice) • Natalie Peyser as (voice)

Banana bread builds bridges between Carol and her new colleagues. Michael gets to know the Grand Coda's captain.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Girl, are you trying to kill me?

2. This is amazing!

3. I know, right? Death by banana bread.

4. Put that on a shirt. Girl! You gotta put that on a shirt!

5. Really? You think so?

6. Oh, please. I would never take it off.

7. It would be my favorite shirt in the world.

8. "Death by banana bread."

9. You're hilarious!

10. You're my new best friend.

11. We're gonna be seeing a lot of each other, Carol Kohl.

12. I'll never judge you or deliberately hurt you,

13. and I will comfort you when you cry.

14. Now cut me off a bigger piece, 'cause I'm in—

15. I couldn't wait.

16. Large, right?

17. Oh, my God. Yeah. How did you know?

18. Please, girl!

19. I know my Carol.

20. Carol?

21. Carol?

22. - Carol?

23. Follow me.

24. You need to stop staring.

25. - Sorry. - It's freaky as hell.

26. Okay. It's just…

27. Um… It's just that I wanted to thank you.

28. For the toner.

29. It's banana bread.

30. Shit.

31. - Okay. - What?

32. It's nothing. I thought you might be some kind of psycho.

33. Listen, this is nice and all, but before you pull out any more desserts,

34. I should go.

35. Okay.

36. I need to get back to work.

37. Okay.

38. - Donna?

39. Look, I know you probably have lots of questions like I did.

40. - But you'll learn it doesn't matter. - But how does it even work?

41. Carol, it's a job. Who cares how it works? It just does.

42. - And stop staring at me. - Okay.

43. - I'm serious. Stop staring. - Sorry.

44. If I see you staring again, I'm gonna throw a stapler at you.

45. Got it.

46. Bernard!

47. Shots!

48. It's like holding an eggplant! Ha!

49. That's really nice. Elena's going to love that one.

50. Oh, my goodness.

51. Welcome aboard The Grand Coda.

52. My name is Captain Jason McNelis.

53. And I'll be your skipper on this journey around the world.

54. Captain! This is such an honor.

55. - Thank you. - It feels like we're in good hands.

56. Well, sir, you're in the best.

57. I've been out on the seas for 30 years now,

58. and have captained The Vision, The Fantasy,

59. The Esposito, and now The Grand Coda.

60. Anyway, welcome aboard and enjoy your meal.

61. Thank you.

62. Welcome aboard The Grand Coda.

63. Welcome aboard.

64. …going on 30 years now.

65. …The Fantasy, The Esposito…

66. Yes, 30 years now. A little bit about myself?

67. …The Vision, The Fantasy…

68. …a family of fishermen…

69. …going on 30 years now…

70. Enjoy your meal.

71. Enjoy your meal.

72. Enjoy your meal.

73. Thirty fuckin' years.

74. - Excuse me. - Listen up.

75. We're gonna need volunteers to stay and work through the night.

76. - Show of hands? - Who can stay?

77. Thank you.

78. Mmm!

79. Oh.

80. Any good?

81. I was getting kind of hungry too. You mind if I…

82. Oh. No.

83. Of course.

84. It's some kind of audit.

85. Huh?

86. The question about the office. It's some kind of audit.

87. I don't know what we're doing exactly or how it works, but…

88. …it's some kind of audit.

89. Oh.

90. That's pretty much all I know. Anyway, I should get back to work.

91. Sorry I was rude before. It's just, you really did freak me out.

92. It's okay.

93. - Hey, Donna? - Yeah?

94. Death by banana bread.

95. What?

96. - Oh, nothing. Uh…

97. It's, uh… death by banana bread?

98. Carol, is there something in that bread?

99. Oh, no. There's…

100. It's just regular bananas, eggs, flour.

101. It's a s-saying?

102. Okay.

103. I'll see you around.

104. How's your night going?

105. Not bad. Yours?

106. It's okay.

107. - Time just kinda—

108. What?

109. Does staying late happen a lot?

110. Sometimes.

111. It's like an "every other month" thing. The reason always changes.

112. Monthly reports due,

113. quarterlies for something or other, fires.

114. - Fire? - Yeah. People settin' shit on fire.

115. One lady didn't wanna go home. She tried setting the elevators on fire.

116. Don't make me go back out there.

117. I can't.

118. Please! Please! No!

119. No. I hate it. I hate it out there!

120. I get that.

121. I'm not sure why,

122. but it's strange as hell bumping into someone from work on the outside.

123. Jonathan, please get up.

124. Mommy wants to go home.

125. I am going to count to three. One…

126. We've never mentioned it.

127. But she didn't need to say a thing.

128. Shit, after raising five mostly on my own, I got it.

129. Sometimes you just need an office.

130. - Ever make zucchini bread? - Sometimes.

131. Mm. I can't bake for shit.

132. Tenth floor has a private bathroom.

133. And most of the soda machines are empty, but 22 still has Mr. Pibbs.

134. I bring in my own Schweppes.

135. Your nails are really nice.

136. Thanks.

137. I do all my own designs.

138. Cow print, butterflies, dog paws, cat paws,

139. little ducks, roosters, pizza, burgers, tacos,

140. sunflowers, roses, poppies, daisies, palm trees, bumblebees,

141. polka dots, sunrise, sunsets,

142. different flags, American, Mexican, Japanese…

143. She's always like, "The only real prison is our minds."

144. - She got a thing with her arms? - Oh, no. She's skydiving.

145. Oh, okay.

146. Yeah, that's annoying.

147. I went up one floor to Sales.

148. Uh-huh?

149. And two floors down to Marketing.

150. Right.

151. There was nothing there.

152. You start dreaming about this place yet?

153. You too?

154. I did payroll last night.

155. I think I sent a fax.

156. - Does your family know you come here? - No, they think I'm writing a novel.

157. - My parents think I surf. - What?

158. I know.

159. I don't even like putting on a swimsuit.

160. You told your parents you surf?

161. And they believe that shit?

162. This is nice.

163. Yeah.

164. Carol, I swear, if I knew you had a thing about parakeets,

165. I never would have brought them up.

166. I'm just tired.

167. No, I'm sorry. It's my fault.

168. I'm just tired.

169. - That guy was on the Food Network. - Really?

170. Hosted a cook-off show.

171. I wonder why he's here.

172. We've all got our reasons.

173. I think I know why. - Huh?

174. Sorry. You were talking about why we're here?

175. I think I know why.

176. Hi. I don't think we've ever been formally introduced.

177. I'm… Luis.

178. Donna.

179. Luis.

180. Donna.

181. Hi. I'm Carol.

182. Nice to meet you.

183. Wow. Look at this.

184. Mmm.

185. Would you like a piece?

186. Yes, please.

187. A… A little bigger. Little…

188. Oh! Bless your heart.

189. Thank you!

190. Mmm!

191. So, you were…

192. Oh, right. Why he's here.

193. Actually, why we're all here.

194. Um…

195. It's because we're dead.

196. Mmm, delicious.

197. Moist, with a… a slight crumble.

198. Like, metaphorically?

199. No, like we're all dead.

200. We all died, and now we're all here.

201. Uh-huh.

202. In an office?

203. Purgatory.

204. The office is, um, Purgatory, or at least I think so.

205. - It's just one of my theories. - Yeah, no. I don't think so.

206. Think about it.

207. Why would the office still be up and running

208. if it wasn't Purgatory?

209. Who the hell knows? But it doesn't mean we're dead.

210. Like, wouldn't I know if I died or not?

211. Not necessarily.

212. Trust me. I've given this some thought.

213. I wonder how I died.

214. Carol! You're seriously buying this?

215. No, but I still wonder.

216. You drowned in the ocean.

217. Yep. That's what I thought.

218. Would you like to know how I think you died?

219. - Hell no.

220. Already know how I'm gonna die,

221. and I don't need you going on about it either.

222. So how do you think you died?

223. Massive heart attack.

224. Just a massive coronary.

225. Mmm.

226. What's in this?

227. Cinnamon?

228. Oh.

229. You mind if I…?

230. It's your ship.

231. Can't sleep?

232. Just… happy.

233. Your parents seem to be having a good time.

234. - They're not my parents. - Oh. They're not?

235. - We're a throuple. - Oh.

236. Good for them.

237. Uh, and you.

238. You all seem happy.

239. Couldn't be happier.

240. - Where'd y'all meet? - I was Bernard's registered nurse.

241. Oh, wow.

242. Isn't there like an oath that you… You know.

243. - I'm sorry if I, uh… - No, it's okay.

244. I know this kind of stuff is generally frowned upon,

245. but for the past three years, I've dressed Bernard,

246. washed him, fed him, given him his shots,

247. and each and every single day,

248. he's looked at me with this love that I've never felt before.

249. That's a love that changes you.

250. I bet.

251. I fell for him first.

252. And Pauline, well,

253. she exudes this affection and compassion that I just admire.

254. I don't care what my oath was, or the ethics behind it,

255. or what my responsibility was to my profession.

256. Hm.

257. I just wanted to spend my whole life within that,

258. and I knew doing any less was going to feel dishonest.

259. Nothing haunts you like the choices you don't make.

260. Exactly.

261. And the sex?

262. Sublime.

263. - I'm gonna head back inside. - Have a good night.

264. You too, Captain.

265. - Excuse me. - Listen up.

266. It's time for office calisthenics.

267. Please follow along,

268. as studies show stretching keeps proper blood flow to the muscles.

269. This is mandatory.

270. Let us begin.

271. If this isn't Purgatory, right, or a cult,

272. then I can't see how you'd say no to it being performance art.

273. But there's no audience.

274. Art doesn't need an audience.

275. It just needs to be pure.

276. Yeah, that's not this.

277. Look, look at this woman at the copier.

278. Tell me that isn't pure.

279. I can kind of see it.

280. That's just crazy!

281. So, what, the boss is like some art director

282. giving out lines for a show no one is ever gonna see?

283. Why not?

284. Because it's insane!

285. Okay, well, if it's not that, then I have no idea what this is.

286. It's just work!

287. Why does it need to be more complicated than that?

288. Maybe he's just lonely.

289. Three bananas, two cups all-purpose flour…

290. Hello? - …one cup sugar, one spoon cinnamon.

291. Who is this?

292. These really are the best dreams.

293. Work dream?

294. Yeah.

295. I got so much done.

296. Come on. I wanna show you something.

297. This used to be the headquarters for this big-time food and beverage company.

298. But that's not the exciting part.

299. Isn't this great? It's a tanning salon!

300. The building must have rented out an unused floor for extra money.

301. What? What's wrong?

302. Nothing.

303. I was just expecting more of a Wetzel's Pretzels situation.

304. Come on. It's gonna be fun.

305. We'll lotion, get some sun, some…

306. some vitamin D.

307. C-Come on, guys.

308. C-C… Carol?

309. I don't know.

310. This kind of thing makes me uneasy.

311. Fine.

312. I was just trying to show you guys something fun, and, uh…

313. I'm sorry, it's just been a long night. I feel, like, so…

314. Luis, are you okay?

315. Look, I'm sorry.

316. We've been inside all day.

317. Maybe some sun

318. or pure, concentrated UV light would do us some good.

319. Right, Carol?

320. Carol agrees too. Come on.

321. Really?

322. Yeah. But I'm keeping my clothes on.

323. - I didn't plan on all this. - That's totally fine.

324. I promise… this is going to be great.

325. I'm not gonna lie. This ain't bad.

326. How you doing back there, Carol?

327. It's sort of like a coffin.

328. But the blue light makes it soothing.

329. What would you get?

330. Without a doubt, the sesame chicken.

331. Mm! It was the best in the world.

332. The "world" world? Like, this world?

333. Absolutely.

334. I've been all over,

335. and nothing comes close to the sesame chicken from Panda Express.

336. I find that hard to believe. - I've had it.

337. It's very authentic.

338. Yeah. I've ordered it too, but I wouldn't call it all that.

339. It's not even the best in the city.

340. I didn't say anything when you said Sbarro's, okay?

341. I wasn't picking it for their pizza.

342. I said that's where I used to take my kids after games.

343. That's what I miss.

344. What about you, Carol? Is there anything you miss?

345. Um, well,

346. recycling, mostly.

347. And the feeling you get from saving money.

348. And Applebee's.

349. I wish I'd appreciated it more.

350. You don't realize the true value of things until they're gone.

351. Is that like a Chili's?

352. It's nothing like a Chili's.

353. It's different. Trust me.

354. So you've really traveled?

355. Me? Oh yeah. I've been all over.

356. The UK, Germany, China, Albania, Madagascar.

357. Name a place, I've been there.

358. Ugh. Sounds exhausting.

359. Yeah, well, I was a younger man then.

360. I started at 17.

361. Shit, 17?

362. I was pregnant with Marlon at 17.

363. That year I'd just come out to my parents, and I went for it.

364. I was like this burden had been lifted, and I just said, "Fuck it!"

365. I dropped out of school and backpacked through South America.

366. Was it nice?

367. The best experience of my life.

368. Wajto.

369. What's that?

370. Just a dude I met.

371. Wajto.

372. Flying stresses me out.

373. The takeoffs, and the landing part,

374. and I guess

375. the part where you're in the air.

376. Oh, traveling was never my thing either with the kids and work.

377. There was always something.

378. That's what they're all doing now. Traveling. Janet is in Ibiza.

379. Oh! I love Ibiza!

380. Oh! The club scene and the drugs are fucking amazing!

381. Of course. Great.

382. But, honestly, I… I don't think you missed out.

383. Sure, the majority of my trips were amazing, but…

384. they were also such a blur.

385. The friends you make all come and go,

386. and… it starts to wear thin.

387. You could be in paradise, but you still feel so far away.

388. I know what you mean.

389. I spent my whole life thinking I was working toward something.

390. I screwed up in the beginning, but I did everything right.

391. Everything.

392. Donna?

393. Uh, Donna, y-you probably should get out.

394. It's not something you want to lie in for too long.

395. Hello?

396. You two look ridiculous.

397. I just thought carving out a little piece was gonna make a difference.

398. Shit, owning a business made me feel special.

399. How dumb is that? And for what?

400. So some fuckin' thing could come out of the sky and wipe it all out?

401. I just feel so stupid.

402. You know why I'm here?

403. I don't really know what I want.

404. Everyone's got all these plans and I…

405. Nothing wrong with that.

406. Hell, work was the only thing that ever made sense to me.

407. Just clicks. That's the me I like.

408. This is actually the first job I've ever had.

409. You've never worked before?

410. Never. But I love all those little tools you guys use.

411. You know that feeling when you press down on a stapler?

412. I really enjoy that.

413. The Post-its are my favorite.

414. Oh, the click of the mouse.

415. We should probably get back.

416. I wonder where it came from.

417. Doesn't matter.

418. You know, I got a couple theories.

419. - Hey, uh… - Excuse me!

420. Eyes up here, gang.

421. You're all dismissed.

422. See you Monday!

423. Bye.

424. We live in the same building.

425. Oh.

426. I drive him to work.

427. You said you had a business?

428. A nail salon.

429. Oh yeah?

430. Yeah.

431. I do all sorts of designs.

432. French, floral stamp, tribal, African, Aztec,

433. jewel-encrusted, sequined, tie-dyed, nude, silver-tipped,

434. checkered, geometric, metallic, monochrome, cobra, zigzag…

435. Wow.

436. Did you say "Aztec"?