Carol & the End of the World 1x2

Directed by Mollie Helms

Michael Chernus as Eric (voice) • Bridget Everett as Elena (voice) • Sean Giambrone as Steven (voice) • Megan Mullally as (voice) • Fred Tatasciore as (voice)

After getting oriented at the office, Carol embarks on a quest for printer toner and goes to a party at her friend Janette's house.

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!req Carol & the End of the World 1x2 [02:32]
!req Carol & the End of the World 1x2 [Carol & the End of the World 1x2]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Carol & the End of the World 1x2 [10-11]; !req Carol & the End of the World 1x2 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I can't die alone, Carol! I can't do it!

2. Those feminine qualities of yours would go a long way toward helping Steven.

3. This was a mistake. I'm sorry.

4. Can we at least talk about it?

5. Carol!

6. - Carol, please! Come back!

7. Carol!

8. Joanna!

9. Marcy Anne!

10. That's why everything's so screwed.

11. Love! It's some dumb chemical telling us to procreate.

12. That's not love. Not real love.

13. You know what's real love? This.

14. This is real love. Us.

15. This moment.

16. I don't know, man. I was just looking for my dog.

17. I'm a good person, right?

18. I think I'm gonna be sick.

19. - Get back! Get away!

20. Stop following me!

21. Dad?

22. Carol.

23. What?

24. Carol.

25. Where did you go?

26. Sorry, I was…

27. - Um, excuse me, sir?

28. Um…

29. Um…

30. Don't just stand there.

31. Come in.

32. Thirty-eight…

33. - Sorry. I was just looking for…

34. Um, I just wanted to know who—

35. Sixty…

36. - Sir? No.

37. No. No. No.

38. No. No.

39. All right. Let's get you started.

40. What?

41. Lovely. And one more just in case.

42. Great.

43. - So this is— - Name?

44. Um, Carol. Carol Kohl.

45. I'm sorry, it's just—

46. Social?

47. - I was just wondering— - Social?

48. Uh, 212-09-7694.

49. This is your employee welcome packet.

50. Inside you'll find a map of the building, our handbook, calendar,

51. and your emergency contact form.

52. I'm gonna need that by the end of the day.

53. Did you drive in?

54. No, I took the train.

55. That's how I got here. I saw this woman and she—

56. - Okay. If you do decide to drive…

57. …let me know so I can get you a parking pass.

58. Okay, but—

59. Look at that. That's really nice.

60. Show this to security downstairs or they won't let you in.

61. Your duties will be mostly day-to-day. Sorting, filing, collating, copying.

62. You might be called upon to do some light to moderate lifting,

63. so be prepared.

64. That's Payroll, this is Accounts Receivable,

65. Sales is two floors up, Marketing is one down,

66. these men are all named Terry,

67. and this right here is you.

68. Any questions?

69. I guess, um…

70. Is this…

71. Everyone here is…

72. But outside…

73. I don't… I mean…

74. What is this?

75. Welcome aboard.

76. Administrative assistants are the glue that bind everything.

77. They're the lubricant which allows everything to run smoothly.

78. Well-informed.

79. Dependable.

80. A self-starter.

81. - Waits for no instruction.

82. Proactive. An impeccable sense of detail.

83. - It seems to be beyond the figures. - The gap-to-gap problem?

84. Maybe. I'll check the books.

85. Did you say first quarter or third quarter?

86. - I don't remember. - Could be both.

87. Accounting is a voyage.

88. It requires patience and focus.

89. The liabilities of 9-19 will appear as liabilities of current assets…

90. More! More! - …within 12 months.

91. Boardroom attire. Slacks. The efficient arrangement of numbers.

92. Fold them into February's statement.

93. Price points. Adjustments to the EOQ.

94. Nesting depreciating assets. Accrued outbound expenses.

95. As of end of day. On the 10th of the month.

96. Well, you know what they say about these pesky elevators.

97. Watch out. They'll always let you down.

98. Uh…

99. Hi, I'm Carol.

100. Um, I'm stepping out to get some toner.

101. So… if anyone needs anything, just let me know.

102. Chips?

103. Maybe some apples?

104. Those nuts?

105. Macadamia nuts?

106. Okay, sorry. I'll be back.

107. - No, no, no, no!

108. - Oh, God! Oh, God!

109. - Hello? - Carol, it's Janette!

110. Oh, God. It was so nice running into you the other day.

111. I told you I would call.

112. - Didn't I say I'd call? - Yeah.

113. So what have you been up to? Tell me everything.

114. Oh. Well…

115. You know, I, um…

116. I started

117. various things.

118. Um, I'm sculpting and… playing bass.

119. That's amazing, Carol.

120. Yeah, it's what I've always wanted to do.

121. That's wonderful! Lisa and I just got back from Tibet.

122. - Yeah, you— - It was life-changing, Carol.

123. We went to Lhasa. You know, we did a lot of the boring…

124. Lisa and I are having a Keun Baan Mai, a Buddhist housewarming,

125. and we would love for you to celebrate with us.

126. Please say you'll come! Promise you'll come!

127. - Okay. - Oh, great!

128. Okay, I'll send you the invite. I can't wait.

129. Okay.

130. - And Carol? - Yes?

131. I wish you a thousand lifetimes and a thousand deaths.

132. Oh.

133. Okay.

134. Mom, Dad! These are my new friends!

135. I'm in Germany!

136. Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke! Hoi, hoi, hoi!

137. Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke! Hoi, hoi, hoi!

138. Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke! Hoi, hoi, hoi!

139. Oh, my God.

140. - Hello? Hello.

141. - This message is for Carol Kohl. - Um…

142. - Your probationary period is almost up. - Yes.

143. I'm calling to schedule a performance evaluation…

144. - Hello? - …with management for next week.

145. - Give me a call back.

146. - My extension is 2152. - This is her.

147. - Also, before I go… - Speaking.

148. …if you could make two copies of that contact information, that would be great.

149. - I need one for my records. - Um…

150. And another for Recruiting. Thanks.

151. - Hello? - Okay, I look forward to hearing from you.

152. Uh… thanks.

153. "Additional assistance has been provided inside your top drawer."

154. "Please use at your discretion."

155. Oh… - Yo, whose mom is this?

156. I, uh…

157. Turn off the lights! - Sorry!

158. Mm!

159. - Hello? Hello.

160. - This message is for Carol Kohl. - I'm here.

161. I'm calling to inform you

162. that your evaluation has been moved up to tomorrow morning.

163. - Yikes! - Can you hear me?

164. If you could please get me those copies as soon as possible,

165. that would be great.

166. Okay, have a good day. Bye.

167. We are writing to confirm your evaluation tomorrow morning.

168. Also, copy machine 1B is still out of toner.

169. Please see to that immediately.

170. We look forward to meeting you. Management.

171. Um, I'm stepping out again to get toner and I, uh…

172. I don't know.

173. Anyway, while I'm out, if anyone needs anything…

174. Anything?

175. Anything at all?

176. Please!

177. Anyone?

178. Yogurt?

179. Stupid toner!

180. Oh, my God! Carol! Welcome!

181. Hi, Janette.

182. Please put that down.

183. That's not for sale.

184. Thanks.

185. It's about being in a relationship with your…

186. Carol! Ah! I am so glad you came.

187. Mwah!

188. Oh. Okay.

189. Are you enjoying the yak milk? Isn't it refreshing?

190. Janette got it shipped straight from the Damxung Province.

191. Yeah, it's good.

192. It has a strong fragrance, but it's not too—

193. I'm vegan, so I don't know.

194. And Janette's lactose intolerant, so we haven't tried it yet,

195. but just knowing it's in the house makes us feel so at home.

196. Oh. Hm. Hold on. Genevieve!

197. Oh! Mwah!

198. I am so glad you came.

199. …zodiac was the best one. I knew it wasn't gonna happen.

200. We need to go chanting sometime. Where do you chant?

201. - Do you like it? Are you into it? Yeah.

202. Um, so, how do you know Janette?

203. Through Lisa?

204. Isn't Dennis amazing? A vow of silence.

205. He won't even blink. It's so inspiring.

206. - He just absorbs. - Yeah.

207. So what about you? How have you been living?

208. Oh, you know. Keeping busy.

209. She's going to Tibet, right?

210. Carol, tell 'em you're going to Tibet.

211. - Tell 'em! - Oh. Well, I, uh…

212. She is! She promised me she'd go. Tell 'em!

213. I knew it. I could just tell.

214. I saw this white light around you, and I just knew.

215. I can see it too!

216. I remember, after my first trip, I lacked any vision in my life,

217. but, like, Tibet jolted me awake.

218. It's so sad. You have all these people sleepwalking through life unconscious.

219. I know. I just want to grab them and, like, shake them out of their bodies!

220. It's so great you're going. You'll finally know who you are.

221. I'm so excited for you! Aren't you excited?

222. You're never gonna wanna leave, Carol. Tibet is amazing.

223. Tibet's gonna be great. It's so amazing.

224. You gotta go to Tibet! It's gonna change you!

225. Ancient wisdom is everywhere. You'll see who you really—

226. - Um…

227. Sorry. Would you excuse me?

228. Is everything all right, Carol? - It's fine.

229. - I'm sorry. - Was it the yak milk?

230. No, it's fine. Thank you. Sorry.

231. - Oh, there you are!

232. We're just about to serve tea and Sikarni.

233. You're gonna love it!

234. It's yogurt, cardamon, and crushed cashews.

235. - You're not allergic to nuts, are you? - No.

236. I can eat nuts.

237. Is everything all right?

238. I'm sorry, Lisa, but I need this.

239. You need what?

240. Wait. Are you taking our toner?

241. You don't understand.

242. I need this.

243. You can't just take our toner.

244. Lisa, please.

245. What has gotten into you, Carol? Put it back! This is ridiculous!

246. - Please! - No!

247. Carol?

248. I'm really sorry.

249. No, please. Please, don't. No.

250. I'm not…

251. I… I…

252. I can't really explain it right now.

253. I'm sorry.

254. And I appreciate you inviting me to your house.

255. That was really nice.

256. Carol, this isn't you.

257. I just need this.

258. - I'm sorry.

259. Jesus, Carol!

260. Okay, I'm sorry.

261. Thank you.

262. Sorry.

263. I know! Isn't it gorgeous?

264. Lisa and I got so lucky.

265. I mean, it was just sitting there. Can you believe it?

266. Oh, shit.

267. - Oh!

268. She's got a gun! - I'm sorry.

269. I'm very sorry! I…

270. It was a really nice party.

271. I liked the dancing a bunch.

272. - Carol? - Step back, Janette.

273. Sorry, I just need to take this.

274. I'm sorry.

275. Was that toner?

276. Steven?

277. Carol, it's my dad. He needs you. Please, you have to come.

278. - Whoa! - Get back. Just get back.

279. Carol, please. He's a mess.

280. Steven, your dad is smart.

281. He'll figure it out.

282. We all need to figure it out.

283. I wish your dad well,

284. and maybe we can both learn from this.

285. I don't know.

286. I'm a bit out of control right now.

287. Now, please get back in the car.

288. Go on.

289. Just like that.

290. Good boy.

291. Thanks.

292. The toner. Was it…?

293. There's a closet full on the 43rd floor.

294. Oh.

295. Just so you know.

296. For next time.

297. I'm Donna, by the way. Welcome to The Distraction.

298. - I'm Carol.