Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix 1x2

Directed by

Glenn Wrage as Pay'J (voice) • Daniel York as Pagan Min (voice) • Balak as Bullfrog (voice) • Courtney-Mae Briggs as Jade (voice) • Boris Hiestand as Alex Taylor (voice)

On a mission to secure a smuggled high-tech tool, the Warden's crew of Ghosts infiltrates the unsavory underworld ruled by mob boss Pagan Min.

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1. Warning. Watching this program is mandatory.

2. Every offender will get a 500-credit fine.

3. They came from another dimension

4. to create chaos in our own.

5. But one of them wanted more.

6. Hi!

7. Welcome to The Rayman Show!

8. Look, kid. Nobody wants to see a monster on TV.

9. Maybe because I'm different,

10. I can make a difference.

11. Watch the rise and struggles of Eden's most beloved icon.

12. I just wanna entertain people.

13. To give them hope! To give them dreams!

14. Rayman is Rayman,

15. in The Ray of Hope, a Rayman story.

16. Available on all of Eden's devices this Friday.

17. Warning. This screening is mandatory.

18. Every offender will get a 500-credit fine.

19. Excuse me, Dom. Would you like some tea?

20. Pagan-fucking-Min!

21. How long is this disrespect gonna last?

22. I've been waiting here for 40 minutes!

23. Dom! Dominique, my friend.

24. I am so sorry.

25. I know we had a meeting, but I…

26. hmm, I totally lost track of time.

27. How was your flight?

28. You're late.

29. Come on, Dom. You know how it is.

30. Yeah, I know you'd rather get your ass spanked than talk business.

31. - You think this is funny? - Here we go.

32. I've lost three good men to get this piece of junk for you!

33. Well, clearly not good enough!

34. All right, all right.

35. That was uncalled for, and I'm sorry about your men.

36. Can we talk business now?

37. - This should turn your frown upside down.

38. Here's your toy.

39. Nice. Worth all the trouble.

40. Dom, it's always a pleasure doing business with you.

41. Go fuck yourself.

42. Min!

43. You… can't… do this.

44. Don't move.

45. Empty your fucking pockets. Give me everything.

46. Well, that's not something you see every day.

47. I said—

48. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, there. Easy, easy.

49. Whoa, dude, you look like shit.

50. Tell me, what's your name?

51. Dolph Laserhawk.

52. This is a mission briefing,

53. and I need your undivided attention.

54. So stop daydreaming.

55. Good. Once again then.

56. This is the Golden Super-Scope, a device of massive power

57. that can open a portal to another dimension.

58. It was stolen from one of Eden's research labs.

59. We believe it's now in the possession of the triad's kingpin, Pagan Min.

60. That guy.

61. I've been trying to expose him for years. He is one crazy motherfucker.

62. Precisely.

63. Pagan Min is your run-of-the-mill mob boss.

64. He likes violence and long walks on the beach.

65. But above all, he likes control

66. and doesn't hesitate using the cheapest, dirtiest tricks to keep it.

67. You mean, like, planting bombs inside people's heads?

68. Right.

69. So, your mission is to infiltrate Pagan Min's fortress,

70. deactivate the security, take care of his guards,

71. and make your way to his private quarters to the top.

72. Min's pagoda is the city's biggest underground gambling scene.

73. Clandestine fights, hookers, drugs, you name it.

74. The whole thing is heavily guarded.

75. So, Pey'j, you are an up-and-coming wrestler

76. with his femme fatale agent.

77. I don't do femme fatale.

78. Now you do. - What? Come on!

79. Bullfrog, you go through the sewers.

80. Oh, yes! So I can murder him.

81. No. Pagan must live. - Aw.

82. You don't touch Pagan Min.

83. Once you guys take care of security,

84. it's your turn, Laserhawk.

85. Locate the scope's signature in the lobby,

86. put the replica in its place, boom. A simple in and out.

87. Now go. And remember…

88. You are ghosts. You don't exist.

89. This is Jade, reporting from a Supermaxx cell.

90. Day four.

91. The cybernetic woman known as the Warden is forcing us to operate her dirty deeds.

92. A death sentence looming from literally inside our heads.

93. - Hey! Hey! Coucou! Bullfrog!

94. This is the Super-Scope replica

95. we will have to swap with the original one in Min's pagoda.

96. Laserhawk, how do you feel about this mission?

97. Okay. No comment then.

98. Well, as an assassin, I think it will be easier to kill Pagan Min

99. and then steal the Super-Scope.

100. But when the boss is saying you don't assassin, we don't assassin—

101. Okay.

102. Hey, Pey'j!

103. Are you done in there? Pey'j?

104. You're gonna make fun of me.

105. I swear we won't make fun of you. Right?

106. Uh… Yes. Promis juré.

107. Right, Laserhawk? I don't care.

108. Of course he doesn't care.

109. Come on, you. Get out.

110. Oh, okay.

111. Wow. Ah ouais, quand même.

112. I know next to nothing about wrestling.

113. Why do I have to humiliate myself like this?

114. Well, because I can't do it, she can't do it, and he won't do it.

115. And the guy who was supposed to do it is very, very dead.

116. Oh, that poor Cody Rhodes dude. What an ugly mess.

117. Guys, do me a favor.

118. If the Warden blows my head off, please look away.

119. Hey, that's not funny.

120. What? I mean, let's face it.

121. Between Pagan Min and Miss Maniac out there,

122. our chances of survival are kinda slim.

123. Don't you say that again!

124. I made a promise on your parents' grave

125. that I would protect you no matter what. And I will!

126. Hey, hey, hey. All right. Calm down.

127. You've always been there for me, Pey'j. I know that. Okay?

128. And you're right. We've been in stickier situations before.

129. We will get through this. Together.

130. Yeah. Together.

131. Ghosts, you're taking off in five.

132. Jade, where's your outfit?

133. My outfit…

134. Oh yeah. I was thinking I could go dressed like this.

135. You're not here to think, Jade. You're here to follow orders.

136. So I won't say it again. Shut up and suit up.

137. I don't do femme fatale.

138. I mean, I can pull off a lot of things, but femme fatale? Fuck no.

139. Um… Well, I think you look good.

140. Yeah, sure.

141. Um, Jade? Mmm?

142. I'm really sorry about what happened back there.

143. I-I think I just snapped

144. because of the whole bomb-in-our-heads thing and…

145. I don't know.

146. Oh, come on. It's all right.

147. We've got a lot of reasons to be on edge.

148. Yeah. Yeah, sure. But, uh… made me think.

149. - Hmm? About what?

150. I think…

151. - I've got feelings for you.

152. What? No.

153. Oh. No! No, no! Oh, no, no, no!

154. I mean, you're my uncle. Not really my uncle, but still.

155. - I mean, you? You? - [door, muffled] Guys! You're up!

156. Ah, shit!

157. Okay. Uh… Let's get on with the mission.

158. - Um… Hello?

159. - Jade, you don't have to say hello. - Oh. Okay.

160. So, are you guys in position?

161. Uh, yeah. I guess.

162. So now use your talent to get us a key card to the first security booth.

163. Can you do that?

164. My talent. Okay.

165. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

166. Oh shit!

167. Hey!

168. Seduce him.

169. Hmm… Fuck. I don't know.

170. This?

171. [Jade, thinking] Oh. Um… Uh…

172. Ugh. Whatever.

173. Sure. There you go. Wow!

174. [Jade, thinking] I think that's, um… Okay.

175. - …I guess?

176. I'll show you some talent.

177. Whoa! Honey! I think you've had enough.

178. - I'm in. Okay, perfect.

179. The security booth should be at the end of this corridor, on the left. Stay alert.

180. Yeah, yeah. Got it.

181. I just hope the security card will be enough to get—

182. I was just looking for the bath…

183. Okay. Thanks.

184. Warden? I'm isolating the first floor from the rest of the building.

185. Good. Bullfrog, you're up.

186. Let's see.

187. Alarm. - What the hell is this?

188. - Someone deactivated the signal. - Alarm.

189. - Alarm.

190. Okay, done. Get ready.

191. I'm opening the hatch.

192. Laserhawk, it's your turn.

193. It's about damn time.

194. I'm in.

195. Got it.

196. Now, nice and easy.

197. You replace the Super-Scope with the replica, and you're out.

198. No.

199. Laserhawk? Laserhawk, what the hell are you doing?

200. You stay on target. I repeat, you stay on target!

201. Alex!

202. Laserhawk, don't!

203. Well, well, well. What have we here?

204. Correct me if I'm wrong, Alex,

205. but isn't your crazy ex-girlfriend supposed to be dead?

206. Yes. He should be dead.

207. For God's sake.

208. Remaining Ghosts, abort mission. Abort mission right now.

209. - Um, yeah. About that.

210. Great.

211. I pride myself on being a well-mannered man,

212. but this week, I've been cock-blocked twice.

213. So, it'll be the bare minimum of courtesy to tell me why—

214. No, no, no. Fuck that. Who?

215. Who sent you to steal my shit?

216. What was that, pretty boy? Did I say something funny?

217. Alex, I thought that being a backstabbing bastard was bad enough,

218. but I never expected you to stoop so low.

219. You know what? You're right.

220. He's really got the attitude.

221. Alex told me everything about you, you know?

222. How you used to mob people outside of gay bars in MegaCity 4,

223. and the ashamed, closeted, little queer, lying to himself and the world around him.

224. Please, go ahead.

225. I'd rather be dead than have to look at your face for one more minute.

226. Hmm…

227. Nah.

228. Jade? Jade!

229. No. Talk to me, baby.

230. - Talk to me, Jade!

231. Ah!

232. To kill someone that wants to die, where's the fun in that?

233. Am I right?

234. I will rip your fucking heart out.

235. Oh, come on. You know you won't, honey.

236. So, where was I? Ah, yes.

237. Who the fuck sent you, please?

238. Warden.

239. Huh?

240. Jade's bomb. Do it.

241. What? No!

242. Did you hear me? Blow her fucking head off!

243. What the fuck is this shit?

244. Take that, motherfuckers!

245. Guards! Do your fucking job and stop these assholes!

246. Baby! Baby, I'm hit! Help me!

247. Help me, baby! Please!

248. Alex!

249. Alex, why?

250. You piece of shit.

251. No. No way.

252. Pey'j, remember what I said? Pagan Min must live.

253. Can you do at least one thing right in this mission?

254. I don't care if it's the last thing I ever do. He will pay.

255. Brother, please calm down. Vengeance is not the way.

256. Let me go, frog!

257. I do this for your own good.

258. Let him go.

259. Huh?

260. Laserhawk! This is your last warning!

261. - If you— - What are you gonna do?

262. Kill us all?

263. Frog.

264. Let him go.

265. No!

266. No. Please don't!

267. Don't!

268. Are you sure you guys wanna do this?

269. Oh, most definitely.

270. …sir.

271. Good.

272. Because I'm not offering you money, glamour, or fame.

273. You are here because you've had enough of being treated like shit

274. because of your social status, your gender, or your breed.

275. You are here because you are tired of being used either by Eden

276. or a self-indulgent, narcissistic little prick.

277. You are here because you want this world to change.

278. Well, guess what?

279. This world won't change until it's burned to the ground first.

280. - That's what I'm offering you. - [Super-Scope clatters]

281. Chaos.