1. Thank you.Copy !req
2. Oh.Copy !req
3. Uh…Copy !req
4. - Hi. I'm Jonathan Fall.
- Oh, uh…Copy !req
5. Captain Fall, yes, nice to meet you.Copy !req
6. I'm Günther. Nice button.Copy !req
7. Oh, this stupid thing? Yeah.Copy !req
8. The stewardess put it on me.Copy !req
9. Said it was because I seemed
so insecure and asked so many questionsCopy !req
10. and was so very needy or something?
I…Copy !req
11. It's classic flight humor.Copy !req
12. Cool. Let's go.Copy !req
13. Oh.Copy !req
14. Oh, wow.Copy !req
15. No, no, no, no, Captain.Copy !req
16. No manual labor for you.
I'll bring your bags to your quarters.Copy !req
17. Oh, thanks, great. Um…Copy !req
18. - Then I'll just go inside?
- Yeah.Copy !req
19. Okay, and just start captaining or…Copy !req
20. Eh, just walk up there.
Yeah, that's all I know.Copy !req
21. Thanks.Copy !req
22. Hello?Copy !req
23. Is anyone here?Copy !req
24. Oh, hello, miss.Copy !req
25. I… Oh.Copy !req
26. Uh…Copy !req
27. Is anyone here?Copy !req
28. - Surprise!Copy !req
29. - Ah.Copy !req
30. Whoo!Copy !req
31. The new captain! Whoo!Copy !req
32. It is a great honor for me
to welcome a manCopy !req
33. that I sincerely hope will become
one of my best friends and confidants.Copy !req
34. He is a man we will all depend on
to guide us safely across the seas,Copy !req
35. and he alone
will have the sole responsibilityCopy !req
36. for any cargo this ship carries.Copy !req
37. Please, let's give a big round of applauseCopy !req
38. for the one, the only,
Captain Jonathan Fall.Copy !req
39. - Come up here, brother. Come on.Copy !req
40. Oh, up on the stage? Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
41. Please, accept the key to the ship.Copy !req
42. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Look at that!Copy !req
43. - Welcome to the family, Capitán.
- Thank you.Copy !req
44. Hey, guys.Copy !req
45. I… I just wanted to use this opportunity
to let everyone knowCopy !req
46. that I am also new here on the ship.Copy !req
47. Uh, my name is Nico,
and I worked for three wonderful yearsCopy !req
48. at the abandoned
warehouse facility in Hamburg,Copy !req
49. and I must have impressed
someone in the organizationCopy !req
50. because, before I knew it,
I was promoted and transferred here.Copy !req
51. But what this is really about,
our new captain,Copy !req
52. and first up
is the ritual signing of documents.Copy !req
53. Just a bit of fun.Copy !req
54. Of course.Copy !req
55. There you go!Copy !req
56. My first autograph.Copy !req
57. And initials on every page, please.Copy !req
58. This is great guys. What a welcome.Copy !req
59. Yeah. Thank you, my friend.Copy !req
60. It's done.Copy !req
61. Okay, roger that. Yes.
Okay, people, the documents are signed.Copy !req
62. It's go time.Copy !req
63. - Hi, Captain.
- Oh, hi.Copy !req
64. So cool they threw this party
for us newcomers.Copy !req
65. Yes. What an amazing welcome.Copy !req
66. Yeah. I've heard all kinds
of great things about you.Copy !req
67. Lots of details, and I've seen pictures,
and I've already read your file, and…Copy !req
68. Yeah, I know
pretty much everything about you.Copy !req
69. There's a file on me?Copy !req
70. File? No.Copy !req
71. But you said something
about a file on me that you already read?Copy !req
72. Yeah, or… or I heard it.Copy !req
73. People are just saying
all this positive stuff about you.Copy !req
74. And where I come from,
we call that a file.Copy !req
75. An oral file.Copy !req
76. Okay.Copy !req
77. - What were they saying, then?
- Um… T… Pos…Copy !req
78. Positive things.Copy !req
79. - Superlatives.
- I would love for you to be specific.Copy !req
80. I'm not that used
to positive feedback, you see,Copy !req
81. so it would be fun to know
what the… what the buzz is out there.Copy !req
82. Uh… Well, uh… you know…Copy !req
83. The blond hair.Copy !req
84. Not too tall.Copy !req
85. Shoes.Copy !req
86. - Things like that.Copy !req
87. Nico.Copy !req
88. So, Captain Fall,
are you ready to settle in?Copy !req
89. Yeah, sure.
I didn't quite catch your name there?Copy !req
90. It's Liza. Liza Barell.Copy !req
91. I'm the activity manager. Come with me.
I'll show you to your quarters.Copy !req
92. Wrap it up! Let's go! Vámonos.Copy !req
93. So, Captain, excited to be here?Copy !req
94. Oh, very. Very.Copy !req
95. - And a little nervous, uh, to be honest.
- No, you shouldn't be.Copy !req
96. On this ship,
everyone takes care of one another.Copy !req
97. Wow. Well, that sounds great.Copy !req
98. Lookin' forward to that.Copy !req
99. - Yeah, we are like a family.
- Oh.Copy !req
100. Bummer.Copy !req
101. Oh, this whole area here is off limits
because of electrical stuff.Copy !req
102. - You don't need to worry about that.
- Well… Oh. I love electrical stuff.Copy !req
103. Wires and switches and fuses and…
and those things. They're so cool.Copy !req
104. Wait, why is that off-limits
to the captain?Copy !req
105. - You know what attracts me?
- Uh… No.Copy !req
106. Guys who don't enter restricted areasCopy !req
107. and who don't ask
all kinds of questions about it.Copy !req
108. That really gets
my genital juices flowing.Copy !req
109. What?Copy !req
110. Yeah, not to get too personal or anything,
but just don't go in here.Copy !req
111. You have more important things to do.Copy !req
112. So this is the captain's quarters.Copy !req
113. Ho-ho!Copy !req
114. Wow! This is amazing.Copy !req
115. Oh, and this… this is my fish tank?Copy !req
116. Mm-hmm, yes.Copy !req
117. Ha! Hi, guys.Copy !req
118. So why don't you just get some rest?Copy !req
119. We'll see you tomorrow morning,
and you'll be ready to start your work.Copy !req
120. How does that sound, Captain?Copy !req
121. That sounds amazing. Yes, let's do that.
I will rest and see you tomorrow.Copy !req
122. Dismissed.Copy !req
123. No. But dismissed.Copy !req
124. Good morning, Captain!Copy !req
125. Please, join me and let me show you
everything Rio has to offer.Copy !req
126. Oh! That would be great,Copy !req
127. but I'm gonna get to know
every part of the shipCopy !req
128. before the guests board.Copy !req
129. Wanna be prepared, you know?Copy !req
130. Well, uh, it is a tradition to board
every port you are in as a captain.Copy !req
131. Yeah, but I was in Rio yesterday.Copy !req
132. Yeah, but you weren't
the Captain yesterday.Copy !req
133. You hadn't boarded.Copy !req
134. - Okay, that… that is a valid point.
- Come on. You'll have a great time.Copy !req
135. You will come back to the ship
a lot happierCopy !req
136. and with fresh, fond memories.Copy !req
137. Okay then.
I would love to have fond memories.Copy !req
138. Wow, that's a big helicopter.Copy !req
139. It is.Copy !req
140. Ah, it's like a giant bumblebee.Copy !req
141. - Except that it's made of metal.
- Sure.Copy !req
142. - Very good observation, Captain.
- Yeah.Copy !req
143. And… And some oil-based materials also.Copy !req
144. Like, uh, plastic and… the works.Copy !req
145. Uh-huh.Copy !req
146. Hey, hey.
My friend, my friend, my friend. Hey.Copy !req
147. You don't have no watch, eh?Copy !req
148. Oh. That is true.Copy !req
149. My parents always told me my wrists
were too slim for me to wear a timepiece.Copy !req
150. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
151. Your wrists are… They are great. Eh…Copy !req
152. They are…Copy !req
153. …almost not hideous, eh?Copy !req
154. Hey, try this on, eh?Copy !req
155. - Oh.
- Ah?Copy !req
156. Cá ver? Like a glove.Copy !req
157. Wow. So beautiful. I…Copy !req
158. I always dreamt of owning
a genuine, authentic Rolex.Copy !req
159. It is a real Rolex, right?Copy !req
160. I've heard they actually make
fake watches.Copy !req
161. Mm-mm. No fakey, okay? I'm real deal.Copy !req
162. Okay, sorry, I had to ask.Copy !req
163. Just a precaution.
You can never be too careful. How much?Copy !req
164. Dois mil. Two thousand, eh?
In stores, at least double the price.Copy !req
165. - Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
166. Special deal for you,
my skinny friend.Copy !req
167. Oh, wow, so friendly.Copy !req
168. Um…Copy !req
169. I… I'll take it.Copy !req
170. I'll just
have to empty my savings account,Copy !req
171. but I… I… I look at this as an investment.Copy !req
172. And a hundred dollars extra to you
for excellent service, my friend.Copy !req
173. Hey-hey! Hey!Copy !req
174. Que Deus te abençoe. God bless you.Copy !req
175. Thank you, my feeble fella. Ha!Copy !req
176. - Oh.
- I'll see you later!Copy !req
177. Wow. That was lucky. We made it
just before he closed for the day.Copy !req
178. Yes, lucky.Copy !req
179. Obviously in a rush to get home.
Probably a family man.Copy !req
180. Ah, look at that.Copy !req
181. Hey, give it, unmuscular man.Copy !req
182. Oh!Copy !req
183. Here, you can have this.Copy !req
184. Money! Passa grana, poha.Copy !req
185. For your information,
that was a $2,000 watch,Copy !req
186. and it's actually worth much more.Copy !req
187. It's a fake. Five dollars max.Copy !req
188. Actually, that…
that's where you're wrong, sir.Copy !req
189. It came with an oral guarantee.Copy !req
190. Cash. Now!Copy !req
191. Or I'll slice your cock in four.Copy !req
192. Oh no! No, no, no, no. No thank you, no.Copy !req
193. Then you'll get
four separate mangled penises.Copy !req
194. - None of them working properly.
- I don't want that.Copy !req
195. Aqui. Isso é tudo que eu tenho.Copy !req
196. Ah! Whoa!Copy !req
197. - Oh!Copy !req
198. - Ah!Copy !req
199. Eh…Copy !req
200. Just so you know,Copy !req
201. what just happened back there
is totally normal.Copy !req
202. I mean, it's almost boring.
It happens all the time.Copy !req
203. A normal occurrence, uh… just so you know.Copy !req
204. Fun fact. Rio has more
than 8,000 homicides every week.Copy !req
205. They say it's not even
a punishable offense here anymore.Copy !req
206. Can you believe that?Copy !req
207. So that's kind of fun.Copy !req
208. Huh? A fun thing to think about?Copy !req
209. Huh? Yes?Copy !req
210. Captain, is there anything I can do
to make you feel better?Copy !req
211. Uh, get you a soft drink, an ice cream?Copy !req
212. Oh, no, no, no thank you, Pedro.
You've done enough.Copy !req
213. You're probably tired anyway
after killing those three people.Copy !req
214. Well, you know,
one of them was killed by a bus,Copy !req
215. so you can subtract that one
from the equation.Copy !req
216. Yeah. I… I just think I need some time
to process everything that's happened.Copy !req
217. - I hope that's okay?
- Sure.Copy !req
218. Oh, and don't forget you have
your first announcement later.Copy !req
219. - It's going to be swell.
- Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
220. Operator. How may I help you?Copy !req
221. Hi. I would like to talk
to the Brazilian 911, please?Copy !req
222. Of course, hold on.Copy !req
223. Rio Police. How may I help you?Copy !req
224. Hi, um, my name is Jonathan Fall,Copy !req
225. and I have been involved
in a terrible incident.Copy !req
226. - Go on.
- Yes. A, um…Copy !req
227. A triple homicide, um, to be specific.Copy !req
228. I will look into it.Copy !req
229. But I've got to be honest
with you, you know,Copy !req
230. triple homicides aren't really something
we prioritize since they are so common.Copy !req
231. In many cases,
the victims, they asked for it.Copy !req
232. They asked to be killed?Copy !req
233. Sí, yeah, by trying to, you know,
rob someone or something like that.Copy !req
234. In those cases, they had it coming.Copy !req
235. Was that the case in the homicide
you want to report, sir?Copy !req
236. They… They did try to rob me, yes.Copy !req
237. Mm. See? Well, there you have it.Copy !req
238. But you did the right thing
by calling us, eh?Copy !req
239. And now the case is closed,
and we can all move on with our lives.Copy !req
240. Okay, so tha… tha…
that's how it works here?Copy !req
241. Sí, sir.
That is exactly how it works here.Copy !req
242. That is Rio's judicial system
in a nutshell.Copy !req
243. Um…Copy !req
244. Well, uh… understood.Copy !req
245. - Thank you…
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
246. …ma'am, I guess.Copy !req
247. Bye-bye now!Copy !req
248. - Uh…Copy !req
249. Well, great job showing our new captain
the sweet life in Rio.Copy !req
250. What a welcome.Copy !req
251. I'm sorry about that.
It got a little out of hand, I know,Copy !req
252. but my reflexes and instincts took over.
What can I say?Copy !req
253. Give him an hour or two,Copy !req
254. and I'm pretty sure
he'll be perfectly fine.Copy !req
255. Do you really think so?Copy !req
256. Yeah, I'm already over it,
so shouldn't be a problem for him.Copy !req
257. - Hey, Capitán!
- Jesus Christ almighty. Oh, you scared me.Copy !req
258. - Sorry, my friend.
- Oh!Copy !req
259. But it's time
for you to introduce yourselfCopy !req
260. and make a destination announcement.Copy !req
261. Yes. Okay. Um…Copy !req
262. Hi, I am Captain Fall, and we're heading—Copy !req
263. In the mic, Captain.Copy !req
264. Oh, of course, yeah.
Or else no one hears it.Copy !req
265. - Exactly.Copy !req
266. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
267. - Hello, cruise p… passengers.Copy !req
268. Uh… Hi. I'm… Jonathan Fall.
I'm your… I'm Captain Fall.Copy !req
269. Uh… I am 29—Copy !req
270. We are leaving Rio
for an Atlantic Ocean cruiseCopy !req
271. with Cape Town as our next destination.Copy !req
272. Enjoy your yourselves,
get comfortable, and have fun.Copy !req
273. - You should get some rest, Captain.Copy !req
274. - And we'll try this again tomorrow.Copy !req
275. Yeah, yeah. Uh… Some rest would be good.Copy !req
276. Definitely.Copy !req
277. Fuck me.Copy !req
278. - He's a wreck.
- Pff!Copy !req
279. Talk about living in the past.
Time to move on, no?Copy !req
280. I didn't think he would be this fragile.Copy !req
281. Maybe it's we who are desensitized
after all this violence for so many years.Copy !req
282. Maybe his is just a normal human reactionCopy !req
283. after witnessing a super brutal
triple murder up close.Copy !req
284. Shit. It's him.Copy !req
285. Mr. Tyrant, hello.
To what do we owe this honor?Copy !req
286. Liza! Pedro! Nico!Copy !req
287. Just who I wanted to talk to.Copy !req
288. Hello, Señor Tyrant.Copy !req
289. It's an honor, sir.
And thanks for the promotion, by the way.Copy !req
290. Can I put you down
as a reference in my CV?Copy !req
291. It would be so helpful,
like, it's a stepping stone—Copy !req
292. Word is that our new captain
isn't feeling too well?Copy !req
293. - Who told you that?
- Rumors travel fast, my dear.Copy !req
294. Oh, he'll be fine. You have my word, sir.Copy !req
295. Good! Good to know.Copy !req
296. Because I can't afford
another failed captain.Copy !req
297. Of course.Copy !req
298. If he doesn't work out,
there will be changes to the crew.Copy !req
299. Someone will have to be terminated.Copy !req
300. That won't be necessary, sir.
I wouldn't even bother with…Copy !req
301. - Mm…Copy !req
302. Hello?Copy !req
303. Well, cock me.Copy !req
304. Yeah. Cock me too, right in the face!Copy !req
305. And stomach.Copy !req
306. - What?
- Well, we all know whose fault this is.Copy !req
307. Pedro's or…Copy !req
308. Yeah, but let's hope
I can bail you out, okay?Copy !req
309. I really hoped
I wouldn't have to play this card so soon.Copy !req
310. Oh! Hi, Ms. Barell.Copy !req
311. Hi, Captain.
I brought you a brand-new uniform.Copy !req
312. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
313. I understand you had a kind of
unpleasant experience in Rio.Copy !req
314. Yeah, it was actually very unpleasant.Copy !req
315. Horrible. Uh… Like a nightmare.Copy !req
316. Hmm. You know, in this profession
you have to respect cultural differences.Copy !req
317. - Everyone is not exactly like us.
- Mm-hmm. I… I guess.Copy !req
318. So what you witnessed is not
better or worse than what we're used to.Copy !req
319. It's just, mm, different.Copy !req
320. Triple homicide is different, for sure.Copy !req
321. Oh.
What… What… What are you doin'?Copy !req
322. We have to get you out of that uniform.
There are still some bloodstains on it.Copy !req
323. Oh. Oh, oh yeah.Copy !req
324. Oh.Copy !req
325. Sorry about the, uh… stiffness. I…
I don't know.Copy !req
326. It's probably just a physical reaction
to the, uh, circumstances or, um…Copy !req
327. Argh.Copy !req
328. I don't usually get, uh…Copy !req
329. erections when women undress me.
My apologies.Copy !req
330. Oh, that's totally fine.Copy !req
331. - Let me help you get your fresh pants on.
- Okay. Uh…Copy !req
332. Ah, oh.Copy !req
333. Ah. Oh…Copy !req
334. Mm.Copy !req
335. I think, uh, my penis just ejaculated.Copy !req
336. Um… Wow. I am so sorry, ma'am.Copy !req
337. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. No worries.Copy !req
338. Those things happen.Copy !req
339. Maybe you're just
a little attracted to me?Copy !req
340. Are you?Copy !req
341. I… I have to admit
there is some physical attraction there.Copy !req
342. Uh, definitely. Yes.Copy !req
343. Oh yeah? Mm… Just some?Copy !req
344. It's a… very strong attraction,
I would say.Copy !req
345. Well, maybe the feeling is mutual.Copy !req
346. - Who knows?
- Really?Copy !req
347. Mm-hmm. If you man up a little,
maybe you will find out.Copy !req
348. Man up?Copy !req
349. Yeah. Get yourself together.Copy !req
350. Put your new uniform on
and be the captain on this shipCopy !req
351. we all need you to be.Copy !req
352. Y… Oh, sure, I can do that. Definitely.Copy !req
353. You watch. You want a… You want a captain?Copy !req
354. Here… Here one… is.Copy !req
355. Good.Copy !req
356. I'll see you around, Captain.Copy !req
357. Yes! Yes and I will see you around,
Ms. Barell.Copy !req
358. Wow!Copy !req
359. You're our only hope, Pengo.Copy !req
360. Save yourself and tell the world about us.Copy !req
361. Expose these monsters.Copy !req
362. I hate to leave this giant iron fish
without my people.Copy !req
363. You have to.Copy !req
364. Just remember that you are
quick as a weasel but lack strength.Copy !req
365. If they catch you, it's over.
Then you can just give up.Copy !req
366. They will never catch me.Copy !req
367. Good. Get to one of the smaller iron fish
that we saw.Copy !req
368. Lower it into the ocean and get away.Copy !req
369. Thanks for trusting me with this honor.
I will not let you down.Copy !req
370. Good luck. The future of our people
rests in your hands.Copy !req
371. Ah!Copy !req
372. - Ah.
- Wah!Copy !req
373. Ah!Copy !req
374. Top of the morning to you!
And you.Copy !req
375. - Ah!
- Whoa-ho-ho. Hey there, little fella.Copy !req
376. You can't leave the ship.
Your parents would miss you, you know?Copy !req
377. Let go of me, you freak!Copy !req
378. Is the cruise
so boring to you?Copy !req
379. Let us see if we can find
your parents somewhere.Copy !req
380. And then we say, "God bless you,"
but you're too young to understand.Copy !req
381. I won't hold that against you,
you little rascal!Copy !req
382. Hey, Captain! There you are.
Uh… That is an escaped—Copy !req
383. Child? Yes, I know
what a child looks like, Pedro.Copy !req
384. I was a child at some point.Copy !req
385. If you can believe it.Copy !req
386. I've never seen a child
with so many tattoos before.Copy !req
387. - Huh! It's adorable.
- Yes, yes, very adorable.Copy !req
388. But his parents are worried sick,
so let me return him to them.Copy !req
389. Well, now, hold it right there, Pedro.Copy !req
390. - What?
- Not so fast.Copy !req
391. - He's not going anywhere.
- Okay.Copy !req
392. That's too bad.Copy !req
393. Not without a photo!Copy !req
394. Oh, it's every boy's dream
to have their photo takenCopy !req
395. with a captain of a ship.Copy !req
396. Yeah. I wanna preserve
all the important moments on my journey.Copy !req
397. Come over here!Copy !req
398. Cheese!Copy !req
399. Okay. You're supposed to say "cheese."
That's all right.Copy !req
400. - Make sure the boy gets that photo.
- Of course.Copy !req
401. Wow, that is a great shot.Copy !req
402. Yeah. It sure is, Captain.Copy !req
403. Yeah. I mean, he coulda
stepped it up a bit, but look at me.Copy !req
404. I look like a real… captain man.Copy !req
405. I'll deal with you later.Copy !req