Camp Camp 1x9

Directed by

David enlists the help of Gwen and Max to toughen himself up for Nurf's behavioral correction camp. Will Nurf's deep-rooted issues prove to be too much for him?

Request examples:

!req Camp Camp 1x9 [02:32]
!req Camp Camp 1x9 [Camp Camp 1x9]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Camp Camp 1x9 [10-11]; !req Camp Camp 1x9 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. T-G-I-F, kiddos! Boy has it been a week!

2. Monday we went base jumping for Ered's Extreme Sports Camp,

3. Tuesday we froze Harrison alive for Magic Camp,

4. I can fix that...

5. Wednesday was a double-whammy for Arts and Performance!

6. Do not move a muscle.

7. And all of these hilarious props and gags

8. are courtesy of Thursday's Visual Comedy Camp!

9. Thursday's over, Scotty.

10. Go back to your tent.

11. So, Gwen,

12. Which camper are we focusing on to wrap up the week!

13. Uh...

14. Oh no.

15. Come on, co-counselor. Who's it gonna be?

16. It's... Nurf.

17. Breach!

18. Oh dear. Nurf's... camp?

19. What camp did Nurf sign up for?

20. Nurf... didn't sign up for a camp...

21. his parents signed him up...

22. for behavioral correction camp.

23. Boot Camp.

24. FUCK YEAH! Scare me straight!

25. In all seiousness though, if I don't see definitive results

26. I'm contacting my parents.

27. I don't—

28. AND DON'T BE A FUCKING FA—

29. —Or I'll tell them you touched me!

30. Right. We knew this day would come.

31. - I don't know if I can do this, Gwen!

32. Camp is supposed to be about learning... and having fun!

33. Well we're gonna learn that little shit some MANNERS, David!

34. because we are contractually obligated to!

35. I am NOT... moving back in with my parents

36. But I'm not tough enough

37. to run a boot camp!

38. Thank you! - Mhmm.

39. YOU may not be tough enough to run a boot camp, David,

40. but I can teach you.

41. Teach me?

42. Oh yeah.

43. Teach you how to be mean — how to be HARD!

44. How to keep kids like Nurf out there from walking all over you!

45. After all,

46. there's only one camper at Camp Campbell worse than him,

47. and it's me.

48. What do you want?

49. Double dessert, no activities for a week,

50. and David's social security number. - Done.

51. Gwen! - SHUT UP, DAVID.

52. Okay. - No!

53. You can't just back down the moment someone gets in your face, idiot!

54. Yeah! Ya gotta stand up for yourself!

55. I can't do this alone,

56. which means you've got to pull yourself together!

57. Gosh darnit, you're right, Gwen.

58. Today's the day I get hard!

59. - ... Okay maybe we don't phrase it like that.

60. Oh no! Rule 1: No backing down!

61. Look out, world!

62. I'm hard and I'm coming!

63. Whether he likes it or not, Nurf is gonna let me in!

64. Owie.

65. So does he want to help Nurf or fuck him?

66. Alrighty, Nurf.

67. It's high time we whipped you into shape!

68. Uh... sonny!

69. Now I am confiscating that pocket knife!

70. You're pathetic.

71. - And getting blood on my boots.

72. Guys,

73. I just don't know if this whole "tough guy" technique is going to work.

74. What if we just... I don't know... give him a hug?

75. Those always make me feel better!

76. NO HUGS!

77. You've just got to change your perspective on life.

78. Tell me, how do you feel about your co-counselor Gwen?

79. Well...

80. She's smart, she helps me run activities...

81. No, no! You're being positive again!

82. Gwen's the fucking worst!

83. She slacks off, reads garbage,

84. and has no idea what she's doing with her life!

85. What.

86. There's no time-traveling doctor coming to save you, Gwen!

87. Get your shit together!

88. I just want to have his British babies!

89. Now, it's your turn.

90. Nurf! I've got a bone to pick with you!

91. - Let him have it.

92. - Now this may sound harsh,

93. but gosh darnit, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE!

94. In fact, I'd go as far to say,

95. YOU'RE MEAN!

96. Okay let's dig a little deeper there, idiot.

97. Right! I know that's probably hard to hear! - No...

98. - And may have even been a litte too far!

99. - Not at all... - But by golly,

100. It seems to me you've never been very polite to anyone!

101. God damnit.

102. I just don't think you're aware of the impact

103. your behavior is having on other campers!

104. But... you know... if you ARE aware of that,

105. then that is some good self-awareness!

106. - Okay now you're just complimenting him

107. So, the tough love approach, huh?

108. You know, my uncle believed in tough love.

109. Turns out child protective services didn't, though.

110. Excuse me?

111. Assuming I've always been bad is pretty narrow-minded of you, David.

112. Did it ever occur to you that maybe

113. I'm just a product of a judgmental, overprotective society?

114. - Uh... - I mean you chew ONE pop tart

115. into the shape of a gun... and BAM!

116. In-school suspension!

117. Suddenly you're labeled a problem child.

118. "You're not like the other kids. You're bad."

119. So then you get sent to a place where other kids

120. perpetuate the same negative mentality, making you worse,

121. so that by the time you return to normal school life,

122. you actually are bad.

123. Thus continuing the endless cycle of crime and punishment.

124. Until all that's left is a little boy.

125. A litle boy who only believes he can be what the world tells him he is.

126. A loser.

127. A lost cause.

128. A bully.

129. Nurf... I am so sorry.

130. Whatever, dick-turd!

131. Man he is... way more fucked up than I thought.

132. You two are idiots.

133. Being tough isn't the same as being an asshole.

134. You guys gotta take this from a more psychological approach.

135. - How do you know? - As a matter of fact,

136. I dual-majored in psychology.

137. So you have TWO useless degrees?

138. Yeah.

139. What are you suggesting?

140. Well...

141. You sure you don't want to get in on this whole

142. Nurf-centric adventure today?

143. Yeah I'm good.

144. We'll probably do something crazy next week.

145. Oops! Didn't see ya there!

146. Just kidding, I was fully aware of the situation.

147. I'm just acting out for attention.

148. That being said, I do think I need corrective lenses.

149. My mom just won't take me.

150. Nurf!

151. I think it's time we all had a little talk.

152. Oh so we're doing the whole Freudian thing now?

153. Everyone wants to fuck their own mom.

154. Get over it.

155. Be strong.

156. Nurf,

157. we feel as though you have a relatively strong grasp

158. on the events that have led to your negative behavior,

159. and we wanted to walk through them with you together,

160. in the hopes of finding a solution.

161. This isn't going to be easy,

162. but we think— PUT THE KNIFE DOWN.

163. but we think that this is the only way

164. we're going to get to the root of your issues.

165. So, Nurf, What do ya say?

166. Well...

167. I think it all started when I joined the ballet . . . .

168. So really all these behavioral problems

169. seem to be stemming from a vast variety of issues,

170. but what's truly important is that I don't allow

171. society's labels to define who I am.

172. That choice belongs to me and me alone,

173. and I think I finally understand that.

174. I think so too, Nurf.

175. So, what are you gonna do now?

176. STAB MY DAD!

177. NO! What? Why!

178. I don't know, to break the cycle!

179. What do you expect, I'm just a kid!

180. Eat my farts, butt-nut! Hyah!

181. Jesus! What do we do!

182. And where does he keep getting knives!

183. Gosh darnit!

184. We are going to do things MY way!

185. With aggressive pacifism!

186. I'll get the bandages.

187. y-y-you shall not pass!

188. Heh-heh. Heh. Heh!

189. Wait, Nurf! Stop!

190. No! I'm done talking!

191. My emotions can only be expressed through sadistic tendencies!

192. I don't want to talk! Or shout, or any of that!

193. I just want to give you a hug!

194. Come here little guy!

195. Oh my gosh! Nurf!

196. I'm so sorry! Are you okay?

197. Woah... that... really hurt...

198. Jeez I can't believe I've been subjecting people

199. to physical violence like this.

200. I feel kind of bad about my behavior.

201. What?

202. Yeah I think I'm gonna go sit down in my tent and...

203. think about what I did today.

204. Sorry everybody.

205. Huh. I guess you... did it, David.

206. Good job.

207. But I didn't — Hey, David.

208. Thanks for everything.

209. No... WAIT! We need to talk about this!

210. This is not okay!

211. Nah, man I'm good.

212. I'm gonna tell everyone about how you helped me today.

213. Goodbye friends!

214. Well. I guess it turns out at the end of the day...

215. Sometimes you just gotta hit kids!