1. Why the hell
are we up this early?
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2. - Camp Campbell campers!
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3. Hau.
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4. - Why.
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5. I am sure you must be
wondering who we are,
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6. but have no fear. I —
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7. - David, what the fuck
are you doing?
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8. - I am not David!
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9. though... if he were here
he'd tell you to mind your language.
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10. I am chief Squatting Bear.
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11. - Oohhh that's awesome.
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12. - Gwen, why is David
dressed like a turkey?
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13. - because he's fucking David, Nikki.
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14. you've been here long enough
to figure that out.
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15. - Gwen! Don't break character!
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16. And I'm not a turkey.
I'm an indian chief.
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17. - Like Max?
- What? Uh — No!
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18. Like the Cherokees! You know,
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19. WOWOWOWOWOWOL!
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20. - Wow, that is racist.
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21. - Seriously. Are you offended?
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22. - Silence!
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23. Do your thing.
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24. Uh... right.
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25. We represent the
Order of the Sparrow.
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26. A secret society
that gathers only
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27. to honor the most
worthy of campers.
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28. - So then what are
you doing *here*?
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29. - Look, guys,
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30. the order's been around
since I was a camper.
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31. It's a huge honor!
And it's really cool!
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32. - I'll believe that when I see it.
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33. - Oh you will, Max,
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34. because today you will all be given
the chance to prove your worth.
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35. - Do we have to?
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36. - No, but —
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37. WAIT! Nevermind!
It's mandatory!
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38. but, those of you who are
accepted into the Order
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39. will receive the
ultimate prize.
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40. - Huh? There's a prize?
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41. - What is it!
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42. - Tell us now, turkey-man!
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43. - Yeah. Wait what prize?
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44. - All will be revealed at the
setting of the sun, sister Gwen.
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45. So, shall we begin?
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46. Yeah!
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47. Well this is stupid.
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48. Seriously. "Do good every day?"
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49. that's just bad grammar.
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50. I think it's "Do good"
like a superhero.
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51. - I could be the hero
this camp deserves.
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52. - I can be nice! I'm the nicest!
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53. - Great! Because you all have
until sundown to convince me.
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54. - David! You know me!
You know I love nature!
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55. You know if I could I would
have BABIES with nature.
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56. So do I get my prize now?
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57. - Calm down, Nikki
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58. - Aaah!
- Step off!
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59. May I help you up, David?
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60. - Nurf! That was —
- A very kind gesture, I know.
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61. So can my prize be cigarettes?
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62. - You sure this will work?
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63. - Uh... yes!
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64. - Harrison!
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65. - Oh, Nerris, you clumsy fool!
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66. Never fear.
I shall save you
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67. out of the kindness
of my gold heart.
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68. - ... Gwen!
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69. - David, please.
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70. Allow me to assist you with
the consumption of your sandwich.
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71. There we are.
All chewed up for you!
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72. - Um...
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73. - Here comes the zeppelin!
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74. - Gah!
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75. - Resistance is futile,
turkey-man!
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76. - What in the —
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77. Hey, David.
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78. Like what I've done
with the place?
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79. - Wh-What did you do
to the camp!
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80. - I cleaned it!
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81. The floors were
covered in dirt!
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82. - That's because
it's the forest!
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83. - I know! I really did
some good today.
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84. So for my prize, I was
thinking of a Broadway deal.
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85. - Preston, put it all back now!
Please!
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86. - But —
- I'm on it!
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87. beep... beep... beep...
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88. - Agh!
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89. - Uh, I'll take my
hover boots now.
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90. David,
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91. witness me.
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92. Witness my love for nature.
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93. - Ow! You whore!
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94. Let me love you!
Goddamnit!
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95. This doesn't count, David.
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96. They don't ACTUALLY care.
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97. - W-w-what do you mean!
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98. Of course they do!
Look at 'em!
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99. No. They're just doing all of this
because they think
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100. they'll get something awesome
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101. - A little motivation never hurt anyone.
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102. - Until they find out
there IS no prize.
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103. - Of course there's a prize!
It's a great prize!
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104. - Money?
- No!
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105. A new pony? A motorcycle?
An electron microscope!
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106. - No! It's better than all of that!
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107. It's symbolic and beautiful!
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108. Is it "a job well-done?"
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109. Because that's a fucking
cop-out, David!
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110. - IT'S A BONFIRE.
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111. What?
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112. - What?
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113. - A bonfire!
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114. - ... a bonfire.
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115. - Yes! It's the highest honor.
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116. The fire is lit with a
flaming arrow signifying the —
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117. - Wait. We don't actually
get anything?
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118. - I mean... of course you do!
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119. Everyone gets their own sash.
Like this!
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120. - But it's so ugly!
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121. - W-well...
- David,
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122. is this seriously it?
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123. - Yeah, David.
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124. - Okay. You guys
just aren't seeing it.
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125. I'm telling you.
This is amazing.
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126. The big fire, there's music,
a ceremony, oh!
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127. And the passing of the staff!
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128. The chief chooses a new member
to carry his staff
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129. and lead the new
generation of sparrows!
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130. - So, one of us
gets a stick?
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131. - IT'S AN ANCIENT STAFF.
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132. Welp, this is a trainwreck.
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133. - No wait, I'll show you!
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134. Let me just get it lit.
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135. - David,
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136. let it go.
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137. - No, no, no! I can still light it!
You'll see!
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138. - I can't believe I frenched
a platypus for this
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139. - Come on, kids.
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140. Guys, wait!
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141. I-I've almost got it,
I'm sure!
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142. - Well, David, you were right.
This IS amazing.
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143. - If I could just show you...
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144. - Do you really think a big campfire
and some outdated...
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145. honestly, kind of racist tradition
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146. is going to make anyone
care about anything?
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147. No one gives a shit, David.
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148. Nobody want to be here.
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149. God. It's like you live in
this stupid make-believe world
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150. where "everything's great!"
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151. The universe doesn't
work that way, idiot
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152. Just look around!
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153. It's what I've been trying
to show you since day one.
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154. Life sucks.
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155. And we live in a world of
desensitized, apathetic assholes.
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156. Why don't you just
get with the program
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157. and stop giving a shit?
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158. - You're right.
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159. - What?
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160. - Times have changed.
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161. Whether I like it or not.
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162. The campers don't care,
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163. Gwen doesn't care,
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164. even the founder of this place
has better things to do.
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165. That's why I'll never
stop trying.
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166. Because somebody
fucking has to.
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167. - David...
- Go back to your tent, Max...
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168. You'll just catch a cold.
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169. Oh, give me a break!
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170. - David!
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171. - Huh?
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172. - Campe Diem,
brother David.
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173. - Oh my gosh.
You all look perfect!
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174. - And it's all thanks to
your guidance, David.
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175. - Let us rejoice.
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176. - David, I am the spirit of
the Order of the Sparrow.
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177. Thank you for showing the children
the joy of camping, nature
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178. and life.
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179. Also, hey! I'm your real father.
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180. - Oh thank you, spirit!
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181. This is all just so incredible!
I feel like I'm dreaming!
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182. - That's because you are, idiot.
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183. - What?
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184. David. David?
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185. David, can you hear me?
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186. - Gwen?
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187. Aah!
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188. Wake up, buttercup!
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189. - Nikki, no more arrows!
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190. - You can't control me, white devil!
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191. WOWOWOWOWOWOL!
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192. - You're all dressed up as...
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193. - Indians. Just like you said!
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194. - We designed the outfits
ourselves.
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195. - Do you love them?
I LOVE THEM!
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196. - But, why?
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197. - Alright, I fixed it.
Everybody hurry up and...
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198. ah, shit. He's awake.
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199. - Max?
Did you —
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200. - DO NOT LOOK TOO DEEPLY INTO THIS.
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201. You suck, this world sucks,
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202. and one day we're all gonna die
and none of it will matter,
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203. but if we didn't do this,
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204. I'm pretty sure you'd kill
yourself or something.
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205. - Oh, Max!
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206. - Or shoot up the camp.
I don't know. It was a possibility.
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207. - Thank you.
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208. - Whatever. Just take
your stupid stick.
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209. Awww.
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210. Lucky.
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211. - You know,
it is kinda nice.
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212. - Hey Max, how'd you start a
fire with wet wood, anyway?
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213. - I'm not an idiot, David.
I used gasoline.
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214. - Wait what.
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215. Waaahooo!
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216. Do it again! Do it again!
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