1. I've decided to go abroad for
an indeterminate amount of time.Copy !req
2. I want to make a literary pilgrimage.Copy !req
3. Watching her go, I don't know,Copy !req
4. it kind of feels like
the end of something.Copy !req
5. It makes you wonder
if she was the only thingCopy !req
6. that was still keeping us together.Copy !req
7. - We're getting married!
- The Runkles!Copy !req
8. I now pronounce you
wife and early man.Copy !req
9. What the fuck?Copy !req
10. Dude, I told you
I never wanna see his assCopy !req
11. on one of my sets ever again.Copy !req
12. Listen,
this is a producer-driven medium,Copy !req
13. you ineffectual little shit bird.Copy !req
14. Shut the fuck up, both of you.Copy !req
15. I was just thinking about what I want
for all the people in my life,Copy !req
16. and I realised
that I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
17. I want to see you smile
and know you mean it.Copy !req
18. Hank has to go.
He's gotta see a horse about a girl.Copy !req
19. This is about following your bliss?Copy !req
20. - Is this about love?
- It is.Copy !req
21. Then you must go.Copy !req
22. Go and get her, pal.Copy !req
23. Karen, hello.Copy !req
24. What are you doing here?Copy !req
25. I thought you ran off
with the Rock and Roll Circus.Copy !req
26. I did.Copy !req
27. But I came back for you.Copy !req
28. Karen.Copy !req
29. Hello.Copy !req
30. What are you doing here?Copy !req
31. I thought you ran off
with the Rock and Roll Circus.Copy !req
32. I did, but I came back for you.Copy !req
33. Well, I know it's overwhelming,
disorienting even.Copy !req
34. But I couldn't be out there
knowing thatCopy !req
35. you were back here alone, by yourself.Copy !req
36. Getting older, by the way.Copy !req
37. Karen, I love you.Copy !req
38. I have always loved you,
and I will always love you.Copy !req
39. But we need to resolve this shit,
one way or the other.Copy !req
40. - Wouldn't you agree?
- Sure, sure, but...Copy !req
41. No, no. No buts.Copy !req
42. We gotta...
We gotta roll up our sleevesCopy !req
43. and do the work, right now.Copy !req
44. I say we stay here,
until we figure it out.Copy !req
45. Or until we both get so fucking
horny we can't stand it.Copy !req
46. Either way, it's a win win
for both of us.Copy !req
47. - Hello.
- Dude, please, no.Copy !req
48. Absolutely not.
We are not sharing our table with you.Copy !req
49. What are you, European or something?Copy !req
50. - I'm sorry, should I...
- No, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
51. This... This is...Copy !req
52. This is... What is this?
Explain yourself, woman.Copy !req
53. Hank, this is Chris.Copy !req
54. - He's in my yoga class.
- Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
55. And this is Hank.Copy !req
56. - He's...
- He is... He is?Copy !req
57. from my life.Copy !req
58. Yoga class?Copy !req
59. That fucking old chestnut?
Karen, please. Come on.Copy !req
60. I'm sorry.Copy !req
61. You should be.
Hey, what are we talking about here?Copy !req
62. Bikram?Copy !req
63. Who has time
to make time during Bikram?Copy !req
64. It's so fucking hot
and farty in there.Copy !req
65. You ever let one loose
in there, cowboy?Copy !req
66. I'm sure you have.Copy !req
67. It's hard not to let a little
prairie dog run in through there, huh?Copy !req
68. Why don't we do this another time?Copy !req
69. Now there's an idea.Copy !req
70. - I'm sorry.
- Don't be.Copy !req
71. Yeah, don't be.Copy !req
72. It's totally cool.
I know where to find you.Copy !req
73. Stalker.Copy !req
74. Really nice to meet you, Hank.Copy !req
75. Pleasure was all mine, yoga man.
All fuckin' mine, all day long.Copy !req
76. Bye, bye now. Namaste away, buddy boy.Copy !req
77. Thanks.Copy !req
78. Look, this is what makes us fantastic.Copy !req
79. We're laughing about that creeper.Copy !req
80. What are you talking about?
He's totally hot.Copy !req
81. What? Westside yoga guy?Copy !req
82. That is the oldest shtick in the book,
Karen. You're not falling for that.Copy !req
83. His cum probably tastes like hummus.Copy !req
84. Cummus.Copy !req
85. Oh, my God.Copy !req
86. This is not going as I had hoped.Copy !req
87. Hanky Panky.Copy !req
88. I thought I would find you here.Copy !req
89. One Pear Cosmotini, please,
my good man.Copy !req
90. He's not kidding.
And he's not gay any more, entirely.Copy !req
91. No.Copy !req
92. I came back for her, Charlie.Copy !req
93. Yep, Atticus told me all about it.Copy !req
94. I ripped my heart out
and I threw it at her feet.Copy !req
95. And what did she give me in return?Copy !req
96. A shit sandwich to chew on.Copy !req
97. But enough of my harrowing despair.
Tell me about your honeymoon.Copy !req
98. Did you crazy kids
fuck each other's faces off?Copy !req
99. Never mind all that. I got news.Copy !req
100. Don't tell me. Another gnarly skin tag
has sprouted upCopy !req
101. on the underside of that
hideous little pouchCopy !req
102. you like to call a scrotum?Copy !req
103. That, and Atticus just fired me.Copy !req
104. Bummer.Copy !req
105. But not before he fired you, too.Copy !req
106. That's impossible.Copy !req
107. That cunty little
fuckin' ginger loves me.Copy !req
108. He was incredibly moved by my quest.Copy !req
109. Yes, he was. Yes, he was.
And then he got incredibly bored.Copy !req
110. And your absence made him grow
a hell of a lot fonder of Aaron SorkinCopy !req
111. who suddenly became
incredibly available.Copy !req
112. Aaron Sorkin.Copy !req
113. Bringing your Broadway career
to a sudden screeching halt.Copy !req
114. OK, well, what now?Copy !req
115. I'm waiting. Go on. Say it.Copy !req
116. - Come on, just say it already.
- Say what?Copy !req
117. - Say it.
- Oh, that.Copy !req
118. - Yeah.
- No, I won't say that.Copy !req
119. - Make me happy.
- I can't.Copy !req
120. It would be irresponsible of me, Hank.Copy !req
121. I do not have an offer for you.Copy !req
122. That's not entirely true, actually.Copy !req
123. Yeah, some kid keeps emailing me
about wanting to interview youCopy !req
124. for his college newspaper
or some shit.Copy !req
125. - I need a fucking job, Charlie.
- Yeah, so do I, Hank.Copy !req
126. I need to present myself to Karen
as an adult male with a job,Copy !req
127. a hunter and a gatherer, a provider.Copy !req
128. You're sweet.
And totally fuckin' naive.Copy !req
129. There are no jobs, Hank. Not any more.Copy !req
130. Why, you don't ask?Copy !req
131. Because you have
pissed on and pissed offCopy !req
132. anyone and everyone
who's ever given you one.Copy !req
133. You have taken a shit
on all of it, Hank.Copy !req
134. Books, movies, theatre...Copy !req
135. Well, what about television?Copy !req
136. - What about it?
- I could shit on that.Copy !req
137. You don't even watch television.Copy !req
138. Doesn't mean I can't write it.Copy !req
139. What are we gonna do, Hank?Copy !req
140. It's all right.
It's all right, baby boy.Copy !req
141. Tonight we drink.Copy !req
142. Tomorrow you start
making some phone calls.Copy !req
143. An opportunity will present itself.Copy !req
144. If not, we can always stuff
our pockets full with rocksCopy !req
145. and walk hand in hand
into the Pacific.Copy !req
146. That sounds romantic.Copy !req
147. Speaking of romance,
I want to hear about your honeymoon.Copy !req
148. Did you give your ageing bride
a kidney infection?Copy !req
149. No. Really?Copy !req
150. OK. Talk to me, buddy boy.
Tell me all your woes.Copy !req
151. Dr Hanxtable is most definitely in.Copy !req
152. - Where's my bride?
- Marcy Runkle!Copy !req
153. My beautiful bride.Copy !req
154. - Cokey Smurf.
- Are you serious, right now?Copy !req
155. - This is just what we need, Charlie.
- Whoa! S and M Smurf!Copy !req
156. A bad case of whisky dick.Copy !req
157. - No whisky.
- Don't worry about it, Marce.Copy !req
158. - I didn't drink any whisky.
- Dude's been slammingCopy !req
159. - Pear Cosmotinis all night long.
- That's what I had.Copy !req
160. He'll probably grow
a big-lippy puss, down there.Copy !req
161. I'm gonna fuck you so hard, Marcy.
I'm gonna fuck you.Copy !req
162. Yeah, let's not write any cheques
your limp biscuit can't cash, OK?Copy !req
163. Hey, hey, be gentle with the boy.
He's delicate right now.Copy !req
164. What about me?
I impulse remarried a depraved lunaticCopy !req
165. who can't even get it up for me.Copy !req
166. I know. It's not good.
I'm sorry, Marcy, you deserve better.Copy !req
167. Yeah, I do. I do.Copy !req
168. Hey, you guys. Bring it in.
Take a knee.Copy !req
169. OK.Copy !req
170. You guys gotta get this shit
in perspective, OK?Copy !req
171. I came back for the love of my life
and she rejected me,Copy !req
172. which bums me out on many levels.Copy !req
173. Not the least
of which is that you fucktardsCopy !req
174. got your shit together before we did.Copy !req
175. Now you, you're letting
your pasty white cone headCopy !req
176. get in the way of the prime directive.Copy !req
177. Yours is not to reason why.Copy !req
178. Yours is to seek and destroy
her shimmering snatch.Copy !req
179. Don't be fucking with her elf esteem.Copy !req
180. Thanks, Hanky.Copy !req
181. And she's got the magic vagina.Copy !req
182. - You know you want it.
- I do want it.Copy !req
183. - I'm gonna fuck your face off, Marcy.
- All right.Copy !req
184. Fuck your face.Copy !req
185. You're gonna fuckin'
be seeing fuckin' stars.Copy !req
186. - One step at a time.
- I'm gonna fuck you.Copy !req
187. Let's see if we can
get some blood flowin'Copy !req
188. to that thin, bent wang
of yours this week.Copy !req
189. Wait. Hank, stay.Copy !req
190. You're not coming.Copy !req
191. WhatCopy !req
192. can I do for you?Copy !req
193. Settle down, dude.
Are you Charlie Runkle?Copy !req
194. Who's asking?Copy !req
195. My name's Levon. I've been
emailing you about Hank Moody.Copy !req
196. I want to interview him.Copy !req
197. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
198. I sent you, like, 20 emails.Copy !req
199. Why are you here?
Who told you where I live?Copy !req
200. The Internet told me.
You got a pretty retarded name.Copy !req
201. Do you know how many Charlie Runkles
there aren't in Los Angeles?Copy !req
202. - You got the wrong Runkle, kid.
- You're lying.Copy !req
203. That's you.
You're the masturbating agent.Copy !req
204. Look, whatever.
If Hank's into it, I'll be in touch.Copy !req
205. No, come on, man, can I meet him?Copy !req
206. No! No, that's impossible.Copy !req
207. What's the racket?Copy !req
208. How the fuck a brother supposed to
get some beauty sleep around here?Copy !req
209. That's him. You're him.Copy !req
210. - Who?
- You're Hank Moody.Copy !req
211. Hank Moody I must be. Who you be?Copy !req
212. This would be Levon.Copy !req
213. He's the kid
I've been telling you about.Copy !req
214. He wants to interview you
for his college newspaper.Copy !req
215. What the fuck, Runks?
I didn't tell you to set that up.Copy !req
216. You lying,
fucking masturbating asshole.Copy !req
217. You did get my emails.Copy !req
218. I like this kid. Levon?
That's pretty groovy.Copy !req
219. Your parents big Elton John fans?Copy !req
220. My mother.Copy !req
221. Must have good taste.Copy !req
222. That's debatable.Copy !req
223. Hey, look, are you OK
with whatever this is?Copy !req
224. Yeah, it's fine.Copy !req
225. Come on in.Copy !req
226. Levon, you got 15 minutes.Copy !req
227. I want you out of here
before I wake up.Copy !req
228. Now, what do you want to talk about?Copy !req
229. OK. Right.Copy !req
230. So where were you born?Copy !req
231. You want to go way back.Copy !req
232. I was born and bred in the Bronx.Copy !req
233. But my parents moved to raise me
like veal on the Island of Long,Copy !req
234. which ultimately inspired me to escape
back to the big, bad wilds of the cityCopy !req
235. as soon as I was vaguely able.Copy !req
236. How many girlfriends have you had?Copy !req
237. A few?Copy !req
238. How many significant relationships?Copy !req
239. What, you writing my obituary?Copy !req
240. Do you consider yourself a misogynist?Copy !req
241. Not really.
I mean, I'm a big fan of womaninity.Copy !req
242. I like it all,
big, fat, tall, short, small,Copy !req
243. white, black, yellow, purple.
Big fan of lady-ness.Copy !req
244. I thought you wanted
to talk about my writing.Copy !req
245. - I've read your books.
- And?Copy !req
246. Do you have any children?Copy !req
247. Yeah, one. A daughter.Copy !req
248. Does she think
that you are a good father?Copy !req
249. I'm sure she has issues
with the old man.Copy !req
250. Do you think that
you're a good interviewer?Copy !req
251. How many hearts
have you broken in your life?Copy !req
252. Hey, kid, do you
have a problem with me?Copy !req
253. Did I fuck
your girlfriend or something?Copy !req
254. Hank! Hank, you were right!Copy !req
255. A new day has dawned,Copy !req
256. and the opportunity
has presented itself.Copy !req
257. Come on, change your clothes.
We got ourselves a meeting.Copy !req
258. - What? Where?
- I'll tell you on the way.Copy !req
259. Come on, let's go.
You, kid, out of here.Copy !req
260. - Wait.
- Just...Copy !req
261. Can I come with you guys?
It might be good for the article.Copy !req
262. You know what? We'll reschedule.Copy !req
263. Really great start today!Copy !req
264. Bye.Copy !req
265. Just don't come off as one of those
snotty, pretentious fucksCopy !req
266. who looks down on television.Copy !req
267. Me? Never.Copy !req
268. How is it?Copy !req
269. To be honest,
it's like a colonoscopy of the mind.Copy !req
270. - Hank.
- But if he asks,Copy !req
271. I will tell him it's
totes fuckin' brill.Copy !req
272. I will be my
absolute best self in there.Copy !req
273. Good boy.
It's weird seeing you like this.Copy !req
274. All driven and shit.Copy !req
275. Funny how these things
come full circle, huh?Copy !req
276. When people are truly connected, they
can never fully escape each other.Copy !req
277. Speaking of which, how's Marcy?Copy !req
278. Good. Great.Copy !req
279. Yeah. Just back
from the honeymoon, actually.Copy !req
280. Gosh, Runkle, you really know
how to kick a guy when he's down.Copy !req
281. I know exactly what
that woman is like on a honeymoon.Copy !req
282. Our magnificent sex organs
were fused ten days straight.Copy !req
283. I couldn't stand
not being inside of her.Copy !req
284. I'd walk around the hotel room andCopy !req
285. boom, right there on my jock.Copy !req
286. Steady, Runks.Copy !req
287. Hey kid, nice to see you.
How you doing?Copy !req
288. I'm great, Moody.Copy !req
289. Last we met, I was directing
Santa Monica Cop, the movie,Copy !req
290. now I'm peripherally involved with
Santa Monica Cop, the TV show.Copy !req
291. So, things are going really well
for me. Thanks for asking.Copy !req
292. Shit. What the fuck happened?
Where'd you go wrong?Copy !req
293. I recall things going to shitCopy !req
294. somewhere around the time
you showed up.Copy !req
295. Oh, pshaw. The very idea.Copy !req
296. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
let us not rehash ancient history.Copy !req
297. Right?Copy !req
298. OK, Sam went off the rails,
they shut the picture down,Copy !req
299. my beloved wife divorced me.Copy !req
300. But did I wallow?Copy !req
301. Well, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
302. But then I picked myself the fuck up,Copy !req
303. I dusted myself off,Copy !req
304. and I sold that messy,
late-term abortion as a TV pilot.Copy !req
305. Because that is what a producer does.Copy !req
306. He takes a sudden burst of rain
and turns it into a golden shower.Copy !req
307. Quiet.Copy !req
308. Writers start talking shit about you
the second you leave the room.Copy !req
309. I want to know whose option
not to pick up when the time comes.Copy !req
310. Rosenberg.Copy !req
311. You fucking dick.Copy !req
312. You'll get yours. Very nice.Copy !req
313. Try paying for private school
next year with no job.Copy !req
314. You must be Hank.Copy !req
315. Henry James Moody, the first.Copy !req
316. Rick Rath. Call me Rath.Copy !req
317. - Who are you? Why are you here?
- I'm his agent.Copy !req
318. He likes to make sure
I don't use my faeces as a crayon.Copy !req
319. Take a walk. You guys, too. Get out.Copy !req
320. Leave us alone. Talent only.Copy !req
321. Remember what I told you.Copy !req
322. - Guy's a monster.
- Leave us alone.Copy !req
323. - Just a fucking monster.
- Talent only.Copy !req
324. I'm not gonna hire you, Hank.Copy !req
325. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
326. You don't even want to hear
what I think about the script?Copy !req
327. I mean, I had a whole
speech prepared and everything,Copy !req
328. followed by a PowerPoint presentationCopy !req
329. and a brief
but very moving puppet show.Copy !req
330. Stu asked me to sit down with you,
I admit I was intrigued,Copy !req
331. but then I did my due diligence.Copy !req
332. And every single person
I reached out toCopy !req
333. said you are
an absolute, fucking nightmare.Copy !req
334. So there you have it, case closed.Copy !req
335. Sorry, but the last thing
I need around hereCopy !req
336. is some snotty, pretentious fuck
who's gonna look down on television.Copy !req
337. Yeah, but if I'm not wrong,Copy !req
338. you do need a writer
who can actually write, right?Copy !req
339. Well, yeah, talent's always a plus,Copy !req
340. but life is too short
for shenanigans, Hank.Copy !req
341. I'm too old to be babysitting
toddlers with toxic personalities.Copy !req
342. OK, just hang on and hear me out, OK?Copy !req
343. If I'm not mistaken, you got a room
full of hacks and wannabes in there.Copy !req
344. The hacks give you a safe,
fear-driven mediocrityCopy !req
345. because they just want
to keep their pools heated,Copy !req
346. and the wannabes want to be
because the lifestyle looks so swell.Copy !req
347. But they have nothing
to write about and it shows.Copy !req
348. That's an incredibly
cynical generalisation, Hank.Copy !req
349. I am the best of both worlds.Copy !req
350. I have the sexy,
energetic brain of a newbieCopy !req
351. and the body of a drunken, old hack.Copy !req
352. And you shit the bed
all over this town.Copy !req
353. So, why would this gig
be any different?Copy !req
354. Fair enough. That's a good point.Copy !req
355. And I have squandered
a lot of opportunities, it's true.Copy !req
356. - Yeah.
- I could give you a bunch of excuses.Copy !req
357. I could blame it
on my masturbating agentCopy !req
358. or I could chalk it up to fear
and self-loathing in Los Angeles,Copy !req
359. but the truth is thatCopy !req
360. I'm trying to
grow the fuck up for once.Copy !req
361. I'm on a quest to
reclaim the best parts of myselfCopy !req
362. before it's too fucking late.Copy !req
363. And it all starts
with me getting a job.Copy !req
364. Well...Copy !req
365. That's very inspiring,Copy !req
366. but are you sure
you can actually handle the job?Copy !req
367. - Yeah.
- Yeah?Copy !req
368. Can you show up on time?Copy !req
369. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
370. Play nice with others?Copy !req
371. Maybe. Yeah.Copy !req
372. Can you take a note
without getting defensive?Copy !req
373. Possibly.Copy !req
374. Can you work with actors
without fucking them or punching them?Copy !req
375. So, you have read my work.Copy !req
376. Yeah, I've read your work.
I like your work.Copy !req
377. It actually reminds me
of some of the shit I used to write.Copy !req
378. Once upon a time, back in New York.Copy !req
379. Before all of this shit
swallowed me whole.Copy !req
380. Hey, man,Copy !req
381. I'm a sucker for
a good redemption story,Copy !req
382. but I am suspicious of your motives.Copy !req
383. What is this really about?Copy !req
384. I guess you could say
it's about a girl.Copy !req
385. The writer's assistant just IMed me.Copy !req
386. Rosenberg's doing
his impression of you again.Copy !req
387. Think he's trying to stage a coup.Copy !req
388. Motherfucker.Copy !req
389. I'd give the fucker a tittie-twister,
but that's just me.Copy !req
390. Thank you for seeing me.Copy !req
391. No, hey. Sit. You stay.Copy !req
392. I'm not guaranteeing anything,Copy !req
393. but I might have an open seat
in about 45 seconds.Copy !req
394. I got eyes and ears all over
this fucking building, scumbags.Copy !req
395. OK. To be perfectly honest,Copy !req
396. I'm just...
I'm feeling a little bit nervous.Copy !req
397. OK.Copy !req
398. Can we just not be
such a fucking girl, Charlie?Copy !req
399. This is just me. It's just me.Copy !req
400. Your sexy, little fucking ninja.Copy !req
401. - What?
- Nothing.Copy !req
402. It's just... That seems like
something Stu would call you.Copy !req
403. I'm sorry.Copy !req
404. Well, yeah, it probably is.Copy !req
405. Among other things.Copy !req
406. And I'm sorry, baby.
I just get confused.Copy !req
407. Things happened so fast between us.Copy !req
408. I know, I know.
Look, maybe we just made a mistake.Copy !req
409. Hey, you shut the fuck up.Copy !req
410. No retreat, no surrender.Copy !req
411. I am not ready to call this shit yet.Copy !req
412. OK? Gimme kissy.Copy !req
413. Gimme more.Copy !req
414. Hey, no, not yet. Not so fast, OK?Copy !req
415. Just it's... It's a little...Copy !req
416. Handsy.Copy !req
417. OK. OK, baby.Copy !req
418. Why don't you just let Mommy
work her mommy magic?Copy !req
419. OK?Copy !req
420. OK. OK.Copy !req
421. Yes, please, Mommy.Copy !req
422. But don't actually call me Mommy,
because that's fucking creepy, right?Copy !req
423. Right. Yeah, my bad. OK.Copy !req
424. It's not working, Marcy.Copy !req
425. It's just... It...Copy !req
426. Oh, my God!Copy !req
427. - Stop it!
- I want to feel something! Anything!Copy !req
428. No! Be nice to my penis!Copy !req
429. Stop!Copy !req
430. It's so upsetting, Marcy.Copy !req
431. I know, baby. I get it. OK?Copy !req
432. But just breathe. You gotta relax.Copy !req
433. Just breathe.Copy !req
434. OK. Look, you know what?
Let me go down on you.Copy !req
435. What? No, no, no, no...Copy !req
436. Yes, Marcy! Yes, please!Copy !req
437. I insist, OK? I'm gonna go down on youCopy !req
438. because I need to
feel like a man tonight!Copy !req
439. OK, so munching my box
has become all about you?Copy !req
440. You're such a
fucking narcissist, Charlie.Copy !req
441. I need to go down on you, Marcy!Copy !req
442. Fine. Go ahead.Copy !req
443. OK.Copy !req
444. Oh, my God, Charlie. If you're gonna
eat me out you can't cry.Copy !req
445. OK. I'm sorry.Copy !req
446. OK.Copy !req
447. Yeah, Papi, get it.Copy !req
448. Is that good?Copy !req
449. I don't want you to think
I am European or anything,Copy !req
450. you know, but maybe
I could share your table?Copy !req
451. I'm sorry, mademoiselle,Copy !req
452. but I'm meeting somebody
from my Pilates class.Copy !req
453. A very flexible guy.Copy !req
454. He can actually suck himself off and
clip his toenails at the same time.Copy !req
455. We're taking it slow.
Just getting to know each other.Copy !req
456. Hank, I'm not involved with anyone.Copy !req
457. Well, that's good to know. Me neither.Copy !req
458. I'm just kidding
about the Pilates guy.Copy !req
459. Good to know.Copy !req
460. So, what are you doing here?Copy !req
461. I'm meeting this kid.Copy !req
462. He's gonna interview me
for a college newspaper.Copy !req
463. Oh, dear. Has it come to that?Copy !req
464. I know, right?Copy !req
465. You remember that nice lady
from the New York Times,Copy !req
466. who wrote that nice profile
on me all those years ago?Copy !req
467. I do. The one with the ample bosom.Copy !req
468. Yes, she did have an ample bosom.
You know what I didn't do?Copy !req
469. I didn't sample that ample bosom
because I loved you so much then.Copy !req
470. And I still love you.Copy !req
471. Because you're an incredible
human being, Hank Moody.Copy !req
472. - Finally you speak the truth.
- Yeah.Copy !req
473. I'm sorry about the other day.Copy !req
474. I'm sorry, too.Copy !req
475. Although,
I don't know why I'm apologisingCopy !req
476. cos I came back for you and all.Copy !req
477. It was a lot to process, you know?Copy !req
478. And the timing was all off...Copy !req
479. Well, that's us in a nutshell.Copy !req
480. Couple of good timers
with exceptionally bad timing.Copy !req
481. No.Copy !req
482. Hello? Excuse me.Copy !req
483. Are you the wife?Copy !req
484. - No, no, I'm not.
- This is the mother of my child.Copy !req
485. - Yeah.
- OK.Copy !req
486. Did he leave you?Copy !req
487. No. She left me.Copy !req
488. Actually, it's complicated.Copy !req
489. Yeah, sounds like it.Copy !req
490. Well, I believe
we actually had an appointment.Copy !req
491. Oh, yeah, sure. I'm gonna shoot.Copy !req
492. Let's talk later
about things big and small.Copy !req
493. I want to tell you
all about my new job.Copy !req
494. I'm intrigued.Copy !req
495. Stop it.Copy !req
496. It was nice to meet you.Copy !req
497. My name's Karen, by the way.Copy !req
498. OK. Bye.Copy !req
499. OK. Good luck.Copy !req
500. Is it cool if I record this?Copy !req
501. Yeah, whatever you gotta do.Copy !req
502. OK, great.Copy !req
503. Hi.Copy !req
504. Hi yourself.Copy !req
505. OK, so I'm here with Hank Moody,Copy !req
506. writer of books
and some movies, I guess.Copy !req
507. Anything else?Copy !req
508. No, I think that about covers it.Copy !req
509. Thanks for the intro, Charlie Rose.Copy !req
510. She's pretty hot. That lady.Copy !req
511. - I concur.
- Like in a MILFy way.Copy !req
512. That's the besty way.Copy !req
513. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
514. I guess you hit that, huh?Copy !req
515. Totally. I totally hit that.Copy !req
516. Cool. Do you still love her?Copy !req
517. I do. Very much so.Copy !req
518. Are you guys, like, together still?Copy !req
519. Not like, at the moment, like, no.Copy !req
520. I guess it's smart
to keep your options open.Copy !req
521. Wouldn't want anything tying you down.Copy !req
522. Yeah, but freedom's
just another word for missing someone.Copy !req
523. I think Taylor Swift said that.Copy !req
524. You want to be a writer?Copy !req
525. No. No, not really.
Seems like hard work.Copy !req
526. It's the worst. It sucks balls.Copy !req
527. It's having homework
for the rest of your life.Copy !req
528. What do you want to do?Copy !req
529. Well, I kind of want to be an actor.Copy !req
530. Right on. Noble. Practical.Copy !req
531. Yeah.Copy !req
532. My grandmother says
I remind her of a young...Copy !req
533. Dustin Hoffman.Copy !req
534. No, Marlon Brando.Copy !req
535. Yeah.Copy !req
536. It seems like fun, you know?Copy !req
537. You show up somewhere.
Everyone's always really nice to you.Copy !req
538. Get to hang out with
all these beautiful actressesCopy !req
539. and kiss them and shit.Copy !req
540. Maybe have a nude scene,
touch their boobs.Copy !req
541. Then you get to move on,Copy !req
542. do the same thing
all over again somewhere else.Copy !req
543. Seems like a really great life.Copy !req
544. The life I'm trying
to lead for myself.Copy !req
545. Sure.Copy !req
546. Bet you fuck a lot of actresses, huh?Copy !req
547. I'm sorry, what is this
supposed to be about again?Copy !req
548. You. The type of guy you are.
Things of that nature.Copy !req
549. Well, how do you think
you know what type of guy I am?Copy !req
550. Well, I don't know.
I'm trying to figure it out.Copy !req
551. One thing I know for sure,
you seem kind of into yourself.Copy !req
552. And you seem to have
some kind of weird beef with me, kid.Copy !req
553. You sure I didn't
fuck your girlfriend or something?Copy !req
554. - No, no, not at all.
- You sure about that?Copy !req
555. Pretty much, yeah.Copy !req
556. Never really had
what you'd call a girlfriend.Copy !req
557. Well, I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
558. Yeah.Copy !req
559. But you did fuck my mom.Copy !req
560. What?Copy !req
561. You fucked my mom.Copy !req
562. Really? You're not fucking with me?Copy !req
563. Oh, dear. Oh, me. Oh, my.Copy !req
564. Believe it or not,
this has happened to me before.Copy !req
565. It's very unpleasant.Copy !req
566. But we're gonna get through it.Copy !req
567. Just keep calm and carry on.
All right?Copy !req
568. Now...Copy !req
569. When did this unfortunate moment
of carnal whimsy occur?Copy !req
570. I don't know, I guess about
nine months before I was born.Copy !req