Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6x4

1. All right, Jeffords, what's this meeting all about?

2. I've got a full workload today.

3. I didn't call it. I thought you did.

4. What? I did no such thing.

5. So if neither of you called it, then who did?

6. Gina.

7. Right. Yeah. That makes sense.

8. Oh, Sheila, that was awesome. Okay, just stay here.

9. Wow. I can't believe I executed that to perfection.

10. That was amazing. Gina, what's this all about?

11. I wanted to make one final grand entrance.

12. Final? What do you mean?

13. I've decided to leave the Nine-Nine.

14. Which is why...

15. Oh, okay.

16. I'm handing in my two weeks' notice.

17. I don't understand. What are you gonna do?

18. I'm not sure, but Jake convinced me it was time to start a new chapter.

19. It was time to spread my wings and fly.

20. I'm an angel. I'm an angel.

21. I'm an angel. This is crazy.

22. I can't imagine the Nine-Nine without you.

23. Don't worry. I have a parting gift for all of you.

24. I printed "Time for Gina's Opinion" hoodies for you with your names on them.

25. There you go.

26. That's fun. So, like "Time for Jake's Opinion"?

27. What are you, insane? No. It says "Time for Gina's Opinion"

28. in large text on the back.

29. And then your names are stitched really tiny on the front.

30. I had to guess at some of the spellings.

31. Arnie? But that's not all.

32. Over the next two weeks, I will be leaving each of you

33. with a signature Gina Moment,

34. something so shocking that it will stay with you

35. for the rest of your lives,

36. much like this interpretive dance piece,

37. entitled "The Linexit."

38. This dance will be performed in four movements,

39. each one expressing one aspect of my personality.

40. Oh.

41. Awesome. Was that the first movement?

42. What? Are you crazy? No. That's the warm-up.

43. Each movement is 45 minutes. Oh, damn.

44. Hit it!

45. Hey, Craptain, you ready to get curb stomped?

46. What? At chess.

47. We have a weekly match. I'm teaching Gina to play.

48. And she, in turn, is teaching me to trash talk.

49. The hospital called. Your test results came back positive.

50. You're a stage five dumb-ass.

51. You have come so far.

52. You any good, Gina? The best.

53. She struggles. We've been playing for four years now

54. and she has yet to defeat me.

55. Well, good luck. I'm rooting for you, Gina.

56. You would take the loser's side, Jeffords, you bitch.

57. Trash talk. Okay. I don't like this.

58. I'm gonna go. Really good, sir. Really good.

59. I don't know why you're so confident you'll win.

60. You still don't even know the names of all the pieces.

61. You dumb-ass. Nice.

62. But I do know the names. I've simply rebranded them.

63. My queen is Rihanna. My king is Beyoncé.

64. And this little guy is Kevin.

65. Would you be willing to murder Kevin, the love of your life?

66. Yes. Chess Kevin means nothing to me.

67. Gina, have you thought this through?

68. Have you considered the ramifications of what you're doing?

69. Yeah, I mean, I named this guy Hitchcock,

70. and now I kind of want him off the board.

71. I was talking about your decision to leave the Nine-Nine,

72. although I understand your confusion.

73. There are many parallels between the game of chess

74. and the game of life. Not really.

75. They're just a bunch of pieces of wood on a place mat.

76. In chess, every move has consequences.

77. Some of which won't reveal themselves until too late.

78. Even a small, seemingly insignificant decision

79. can change the course of the entire game.

80. I feel like you're worried I haven't considered

81. the consequences of quitting, but I have.

82. I know you feel like you could be doing more with your life,

83. but you're leaving the Nine-Nine without a clear plan, it's reckless.

84. What you don't get, but the greats do is that in order to be successful,

85. sometimes you gotta be reckless. Boom.

86. Checkmate. All right, all right. I see you.

87. It was a good game, though, for a dumb-ass.

88. Okay, you're kind of overusing that one.

89. Maybe switch it up a little bit.

90. Oh, good note. You dick.

91. That landed good. All right, re-rack. Let's play again.

92. Okay, my move?

93. Whites go first.

94. Chess really is like life. Commentary.

95. The game you love is racist,

96. and you're complicit. So what's your plan?

97. Not with chess, with your life moving forward.

98. I mean, I could do basically anything.

99. I could come up with a new form

100. of cryptocurrency called GinaCoin, make millions.

101. Could write a YA novel about literally anything I think and make millions.

102. I could discover a new type of melon, make millions.

103. I'm not saying your dreams are unattainable.

104. But you can pursue them

105. while you're still gainfully employed here at the Nine-Nine.

106. What's the rush to turn your back on stability and a paycheck?

107. I don't want stability and a paycheck. I wanna take a risk.

108. Quote, "A bird can never learn to fly if it doesn't leave the nest."

109. End quote. Gina Linetti, right now.

110. Quote, "The bird that leaves the nest too soon

111. "plummets to its death on the concrete below."

112. Captain Raymond Holt, immediately afterwards.

113. Nothing bad ever happens to me.

114. I have a crystal in my pocket at all times.

115. What about when you got hit by that bus?

116. That bus was going 60 miles per hour,

117. and here I sit before you completely fine.

118. And you wanna say crystals don't work?

119. Gina, I'm serious.

120. What if you get sick? Healthcare is expensive.

121. What if something happens to your daughter?

122. Checkmate. Did you just delay

123. that victory by a few moves to punctuate your point?

124. I did. Barf. Rack them.

125. Okay, Captain, you made some good points.

126. I mean, I get what you're saying about the healthcare situation.

127. Checkmate.

128. I believe that you're smart enough

129. and talented enough to do anything you want.

130. But you have to have a plan.

131. Mmm... Interesting.

132. Let me ask you something, sir. Did you always have a plan

133. for everything you ever did?

134. You always thought out every choice you ever made?

135. Yes. By the time I was 10, I had mapped out my entire life.

136. I knew that I wanted to go to the academy.

137. I knew I wanted to become a detective.

138. And you did it. Then move on to sergeant.

139. And you got it. Next, lieutenant.

140. Nailed it. And then, finally, captain.

141. Wow, I'm convinced.

142. I think I should reconsider my decision.

143. We're not done with the game. I know. I just wanted to stand,

144. so I could turn slowly and say...

145. But wasn't there another step in the Holt life plan?

146. Gosh, what was it? What came after captain?

147. I can't seem to remember for dramatic effect.

148. I wanted to be commissioner.

149. Gina Moment. I get your point.

150. Even the best laid plans sometimes don't work out.

151. They sure don't. And now it's time for Gina's closing thoughts.

152. Just because you wanna do something doesn't mean you get to do it.

153. Life is chaos.

154. Success is completely arbitrary,

155. and confidence is everything.

156. I was just worried.

157. But I guess after working with you for five years,

158. I should've realized

159. you know what you're doing. Thanks, Captain.

160. Have you thought this through? Not at all. And yet...

161. Checkmate. That was completely illegal.

162. That's not at all how the queen moves.

163. That's how this queen moves. Checkmate.

164. It's against the rules of chess.

165. Well, Gina Linetti done reinvented the game.

166. I'm supporting your overall career decision.

167. I'm on board, but you can't assign...

168. Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub. I won both things. Chess and the argument.

169. This little birdie, she gotta fly the coop.

170. I'm taking this with me as a little remembrance, sir.

171. Ka-kow! Ka-kow!

172. Hey. What are you two up to?

173. I'm on my phone and Rosa is just sitting there silently.

174. The yewzh. Well, I was thinking

175. we could have a ladies lunch today.

176. Amy, I wish I could do lunch today,

177. but I'm currently out of town.

178. Come on. I wanna hang out one last time before you...

179. Before you leave us.

180. You're really special, Gina, and even though...

181. I'm sorry. I just get so emotional about these things, you know?

182. I wish I could be more like Rosa.

183. I got bored. What's going on? See? She doesn't even give a damn.

184. I wish I could do that.

185. Then I would cry less at the bank.

186. It's just there's this one poster of this older Asian man

187. opening a savings account for his grandson.

188. Okay. All right, here's what's gonna happen.

189. Amy Santiago, as my parting gift to you,

190. before I leave your life forever...

191. We'll still see each other outside of work.

192. Before I leave your life forever, I'm gonna fix you.

193. I'm gonna teach you how to be more cool and detached like me and Rosa.

194. What's going on? But we could still go to lunch, right?

195. I mean, or not.

196. Whatevs. Decent start.

197. Yeah, sure, I mean, we'll go to lunch with you.

198. Why not? Okay, okay, cool.

199. Just before we go,

200. I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a bit.

201. Not to cry about you leaving, but just to take a huge dump.

202. So, if you hear any crying from the bathroom...

203. Not about you. It's the dump. Okay?

204. Gina, since you're leaving, I'd like to make a toast.

205. Bye. Oh, my God. That was perfect.

206. So nice. Gina, I got a little going-away present for you.

207. Don't worry. It's nothing big.

208. Oh, my goodness. Wow.

209. You once said if you ever die,

210. you wanted someone to turn your tweets into a book,

211. so that's what I did.

212. Oh, my God. I said so many witty things so fast.

213. Yeah.

214. Amy, I don't know what to say. This is horrifying.

215. What? This is way worse than crying.

216. I mean, you put so much work into this.

217. I'm completely uncomfortable. It makes me...

218. Kind of makes me sick.

219. Amy, there's something I want you to do right now.

220. Burn the book I made you?

221. Yes. It's the only way to cleanse your childish sentimentality

222. and become the true you, the one that's really Rosa.

223. Okay.

224. Sure.

225. I mean, it does include a very personal foreword I wrote

226. and $75 of my best archival glue.

227. But, yeah, this feels good.

228. Hey. Never seen you burning stuff at the bum barrel before. Right on.

229. What was in there, Hitchcock? Uh-uh.

230. First rule of the bum barrel,

231. never ask somebody what they're burning.

232. Well, okay, then.

233. All right, Amy, it's time. Put the book in the barrel. Let's go.

234. No! I can't do it.

235. What? I thought you wanted us to change you.

236. I thought I did, too, but I don't.

237. I like having emotions, okay? This is who I am.

238. You're leaving and that's a really big change

239. and I'm gonna cry about it a lot, okay?

240. And there it is.

241. Another flawless Gina Moment.

242. What? What's going on?

243. Amy, the lesson I wanted to leave you with is to just be yourself.

244. If you want to cry like an idiot for hours on end, just do it.

245. You wanna make a big old ugly book full of all my brilliant thoughts, do it.

246. Do you!

247. Thanks, Gina.

248. Oh, wow.

249. That was really, really sweet.

250. Oh, dip! I got Rosa to feel her feelings, too?

251. Inadvertent Gina Moment. Two for one.

252. Come in, my babies. Come in.

253. Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but you might want to take a couple of steps back.

254. This is not going to smell good.

255. Hey, does anyone have a contact at Ellis Island?

256. Ellis Island? What's going on?

257. I'm trying to secure a cool venue for Gina's going-away party, Gina-rama.

258. Oh, that invitation said "Geena-rama,"

259. not "Gyna-rama."

260. I thought it was weird they'd move Gyna-rama from Tampa.

261. It's really a warm weather event.

262. Wait, I'm confused. Did the Met fall through?

263. That place is stuffy and lame.

264. And also, it's $12 million.

265. But the point is, I decided. It was my call!

266. Just have it at Shaw's.

267. It doesn't have to be splashy. It's a party for Gina.

268. It absolutely has to be splashy, Terrence.

269. Terrence, would you jump into a pool without water?

270. No, the splash is what keeps you alive.

271. Splash is life. I know what you need.

272. An insane devil stick performance.

273. I have a brand-new routine that is steamy.

274. Boyle, we're looking for splashy, not steamy, but thank you.

275. Well, steam is what you get when you add splash to fire.

276. And we will not keep you in mind.

277. Hey, that reminds me, Gina, we still haven't secured

278. a celebrity guest for the party.

279. How would you feel about the guy who shot that video

280. of that rat smoking a vape pen?

281. Can we get the rat? Pretty sure the rat

282. is just a big ball of tumors at this point.

283. Is that the vibe you're going for? Maybe.

284. If you want a celebrity, I met Leroy Pipe at Gyna-rama '08.

285. I have a buddy who works in private security.

286. They do protection for tons of big names.

287. He'll know who's in town. Fantastic. Please call him right now.

288. No need. Leroy Pipe is in. All he needs is bail money.

289. Great.

290. But also, Terry, you still call your guy. Gotcha.

291. Gina, big news. Terry's friend got back to us

292. and he says they're doing security for Bayside High's number one wrestler,

293. A.C. Slater. That's right, Mario Lopez.

294. Oh, my God. I had such a big crush on him.

295. Yeah, we all had a big crush on A.C. Slater.

296. Get in line!

297. I'll be cooler when we meet him. I should hope so.

298. Anyways, he's hanging out at the Manhattan Club right now.

299. We can go there and try and talk to him.

300. Jake, you can't just walk into the Manhattan Club.

301. It's very exclusive.

302. Like, how exclusive are we talking here, Gines? No jeans?

303. More. No poor people of any kind,

304. no matter how well they hide it?

305. More. Just a tiny slice of the super rich?

306. More. Is it all Illuminati?

307. Is it just a whole room full of lizards? Bingo.

308. Well, then I guess we'll have to transform ourselves.

309. Into the uber wealthy.

310. Charles. Turn that music off.

311. Oh, sorry. I was just practicing in case you guys change your mind.

312. Okay, we're about to walk into the land of money.

313. Remember, all rich people are monsters, so unleash the beast.

314. Got it.

315. Open it!

316. Good afternoon. May I help you? We're here all the time.

317. Get familiar with these faces,

318. or get familiar with the unemployment line.

319. I'm so sorry, but I have to check you in.

320. I need a member number.

321. I don't have my member number with me.

322. It's too bad you can't just use my Amex Black Card.

323. Oh, that's great. We can use that. You can? Well.

324. You think I carry around my own wallet?

325. I'm sorry, sir. If you could just give me a name, that would be great.

326. I'll give you a name. Pamplemousse La Croix.

327. I'm so sorry, Ms. La Croix,

328. you're not in the system. This is ridiculous.

329. You know what? Call Daddy. Daddy'll get us in.

330. Daddy, the man won't let us into the club.

331. Yes, Daddy. No, Daddy, no.

332. Daddy wants to speak with you. Gladly.

333. Hello, Daddy?

334. Yes, Daddy. No, Daddy.

335. Daddy! Oh, well, good question, Daddy.

336. Daddy wants to get this young man fired.

337. What is your first and last name?

338. Uh... You know what, forget about it. You can just go on up.

339. Fantastic.

340. Everything's well, Daddy. We're heading in, Daddy.

341. Gina, the bathrooms here are amazing.

342. I just peed on gold. I peed on gold!

343. That's so dope, but we don't have time. Mario Lopez is right there in the VIP.

344. So, how do we get him to come to your party?

345. Say we're his biggest fans? No, Jake. Celebrities despise their fans.

346. You get into entertainment to be removed from general society.

347. Oh. Okay. So, what do we say?

348. Well, whilst stars hate people,

349. they love animals.

350. 'Cause animals have bad bodies, so they're no competition.

351. Okay, so we say the party is for monkeys.

352. Monkeys with malaria. Malnourished malaria monkeys.

353. God, it's ridiculous how good we are at this.

354. Let's go in. Wait, I don't think there's any way

355. we're getting past those security guards.

356. We need a distraction.

357. How about this? I'll sprint past them,

358. and whilst they're chasing after me, you sneak into the VIP.

359. We said "whilst" twice in this conversation.

360. I know, this place is really rubbing off on us.

361. Heads up! Catch me if you...

362. Did! You immediately did!

363. Stop it! I'm telling Daddy!

364. Daddy!

365. Ow! Ow!

366. Hey. Hey, homie. You okay?

367. Yeah, I'm totally fine.

368. It really wasn't that bad of a beating.

369. I don't know why I'm lying. You were there. You held me as I wept.

370. Anyways, sorry that Gina-rama has been a little bit basic so far,

371. but all of that is about to change.

372. Because guess who just pulled up outside? He came?

373. A.C. Slater. A.C. Slater.

374. Er. Er.

375. Yes, dude!

376. I'm sorry!

377. Everyone, be cool! He's here!

378. Hey, is this the hungry monkey thing?

379. It sure is, A.C. Slater! I'm so sorry, Mr. Lopez.

380. I know you're not actually the very iconic character that you played.

381. You sure about that, preppy?

382. This is the best moment of my life.

383. So what's up? Can I come in and get a drink?

384. Actually, I'm sorry, the venue is at capacity.

385. There's just too many people inside.

386. What? Wait, I was told

387. that this event depended on me.

388. You just begged me, like, an hour ago.

389. And now I'm begging you to stop embarrassing yourself

390. 'cause it's not a good shade on you.

391. Are you really not gonna let me in?

392. There's nothing I can do, I'm...

393. Hey, Scully. Hi, Gina.

394. I brought my own pigs in a blanket.

395. Dope. Who's that guy?

396. Scully. Mario, you gotta calm down.

397. And you gotta walk away. It's over.

398. I'm so sorry.

399. Hey! Gina!

400. What are you doing? We had A.C. Slater right there

401. and you turned him away?

402. And that, Jake, was your Gina Moment.

403. What? But that sucked. Why was mine a bad one?

404. Because, Jake, I wanted you to understand

405. I don't need a celebrity or some crazy venue

406. or a huge goodbye party.

407. This is what I wanted, just to hang with my friends

408. and have a few drinks.

409. And laugh at Charles with his devil sticks until he makes eye contact...

410. You're killing it, bud.

411. You guys are all the splash that I need.

412. Oh, man.

413. Gina. Mmm-hmm.

414. You big cheeseball. I know.

415. Plus, it's so cool that I got to turn a celebrity away from my party.

416. That was kind of my Gina Moment for me.

417. I've always wanted to do that.

418. Right. Right.

419. Hey, it's raining outside. Is it cool if I just wait here

420. until my car comes? Get out of here, Slater!

421. Get out! Yeah? Yeah!

422. I can't believe Gina's gone. Me neither.

423. Hey, did you get a Gina Moment?

424. She said she was giving one to everyone,

425. but I didn't get mine. 'Sup, losers.

426. What are you doing here, Gina? Are you back?

427. Did my begging change your mind?

428. No, dawg. I'm just tying up some loose ends.

429. Gina, why are you still here? Jeez. What's the big deal?

430. It's just that you made us all toasts at Gina-rama

431. and say tearful goodbyes, but now you're still here.

432. I'm not back. I'm just cleaning out my desk.

433. And I have some stuff I wanted to give to you guys.

434. Charles, weirdly, you're kind of the person

435. I'm the closest to here. Don't say why.

436. Because I was your brother and your lover?

437. Sorry, I just can't control my tongue around you.

438. All right, well, here.

439. The Boyle family mother dough starter!

440. I'll think of you every time I handle her.

441. Oh, man. You know, I never really understood

442. the logic behind the two of us.

443. But I love you and I'm gonna miss you.

444. I'm gonna miss you, too, Gina. You're getting cold feet.

445. I mean, why haven't you cleaned out your desk

446. over your last two weeks?

447. Because, Terry, I was busy giving each and every one of you a beautiful GM.

448. Well, not all of us. Oh! Terry, that reminds me.

449. Rosa, do you want this plant?

450. Yeah. I mess with orchids. Great.

451. Well, that about wraps up everything I meant to do.

452. Come on.

453. I wonder if Holt's gonna hire a new assistant.

454. Well, he can't hire someone permanent right away.

455. He needs a rebound assistant first.

456. It's gonna be so weird seeing someone at Gina's... Oh!

457. She's still here.

458. Gina, what's going on? Cold feet.

459. She's never going to leave.

460. No, I wanted to make sure Holt was familiar with my filing system.

461. I didn't want to leave him in the dark.

462. There are no dividers. It's just a big pile of loose papers.

463. Okay, yeah, you get it.

464. I'll stick around the rest of the day in case you have any questions.

465. Never gonna leave!

466. She's definitely still gonna be here.

467. No way. She's gone.

468. Look, her desk, I told you, it's empty.

469. She's right over there burning stuff.

470. I'm just sage-ing.

471. Trying to clear this place of my energy.

472. Why? Cold feet.

473. No. No one's paying me for my vibes anymore.

474. I'm not trying to give them away for free.

475. Oh, my God. I know what's going on.

476. Gina, you're having second thoughts.

477. You have cold feet. I figured it out.

478. Jake for the win. There you go. Come on, man.

479. I never have second thoughts. That's the luxury

480. of having great first thoughts.

481. Gina, it's okay. You're scared.

482. Tare-bear, I love you, but don't try and hop on my thing, okay?

483. But for real. I'm not scared.

484. Hey, guys. You were right.

485. I'm scared as hell. Anyway.

486. I'm here all day.

487. Huh.

488. All right. I think we need to all get on the same page

489. for what to do about this Gina situation.

490. Well, we should tell her we believe in her.

491. Good point, Charles. And we all know

492. she'll succeed at whatever she tries.

493. I feel like this is all my fault.

494. She's staying for me. She just can't let go.

495. Hitchcock, you don't have to contribute. All right, guys, let's get in there

496. and support the hell out of Gina.

497. What is that?

498. It's a statue of her...

499. Texting on her phone.

500. Guys, look, there's a note.

501. Hello, Nine-Nine. I just wanted to thank you guys.

502. I was so nervous to move on

503. and I even started to doubt myself, which is crazy.

504. And your kind words really helped me,

505. especially yours, Terry.

506. Oh...

507. Psych!

508. Did he fall... Terry, did you fall for it?

509. Anyway, Terry, that's your Gina Moment.

510. Seriously? I've known her for seven years.

511. JK again. I'm really gonna miss you, Sarge.

512. I signed you up for an international yogurt of the month club.

513. Austria is in the fridge right now.

514. Terry's never had Austrian yogurt before.

515. Terry had the best moment of all.

516. Anyway, I didn't doubt myself for one second.

517. I'm more confident now than I've ever been.

518. I was only stalling because there was a shipping delay

519. with my golden statue.

520. That makes sense.

521. And even though she looks like she has wet hair

522. and just combed through a deep conditioning treatment,

523. and even though her jeans look cheap

524. and even though she has sausage fingers,

525. I hope it reminds you of me, and I'm gonna miss you.

526. I'll hold now for a five-minute applause break.

527. Do it! Please.

528. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

529. This feels right. I love you guys.