1. Okay. Hole me.Copy !req
2. Nothin' but mouth.Copy !req
3. Whoa, impressive.
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
4. That's uh-nothing.Copy !req
5. Diaz has been chucking D-holesCopy !req
6. into my mouth-piece since
we were back at the academy.Copy !req
7. Check this out.Copy !req
8. Oh!Copy !req
9. Express yourself
I'm expressingCopy !req
10. With my full capabilities
and now I'm livingCopy !req
11. In correctional facilitiesCopy !req
12. 'Cause some don't agree
with how I do thisCopy !req
13. I get straight and meditate
like a BuddhistCopy !req
14. Droppin' flavor
my behavior is hereditaryCopy !req
15. But my technique
is very necessaryCopy !req
16. Blame it on Ice CubeCopy !req
17. Because he said it getsCopy !req
18. Oh!
Uh-oh.Copy !req
19. Heads!Copy !req
20. What the...Copy !req
21. It's finally happening!Copy !req
22. Attention, Nine-Nine.
We have an announcement.Copy !req
23. Shrek Live is coming back
to Broadway!Copy !req
24. Nope, you dreamed that.
Aw.Copy !req
25. We just came in hereCopy !req
26. to tell you to save the date,Copy !req
27. because we're getting
married on May 15th.Copy !req
28. We found a venue!Copy !req
29. Wow!Copy !req
30. Finding a place in the spring
in New York is impossible.Copy !req
31. Sharon and I had to get
married in Albany in December.Copy !req
32. Terry was too cold
to consummate.Copy !req
33. Hm, good to know.
We got really lucky.Copy !req
34. The place was booked solid
for the next two years,Copy !req
35. but a couple fell out.Copy !req
36. Of a fifth-floor window.Copy !req
37. She was teetering
and he tried to grab her...Copy !req
38. Babe, we agreed we wouldn't
talk about that part.Copy !req
39. Right. Sorry.
It was gruesome.Copy !req
40. Never again.
The EMTs said thatCopy !req
41. it was a meat pancake.
I'm done.Copy !req
42. So, tell us about the venue.Copy !req
43. Oh, well,
there's not much to tell...Copy !req
44. other than
it's a gorgeous mansion!Copy !req
45. Big ol' house!
With a professional kitchen.Copy !req
46. Chop-chop, y'all!
Ooh.Copy !req
47. A private library
for the ceremony.Copy !req
48. My girl loves books!
Seven bathrooms!Copy !req
49. No lines, ladies!Copy !req
50. And an outdoor
reception area.Copy !req
51. Uh-can I get a gazebo?Copy !req
52. I apologize to
a host of communities.Copy !req
53. The point is, these nuptials
are going to be "toit"!Copy !req
54. Speaking of "toit nups,"
we better get going,Copy !req
55. because we don't have
a lot of time and we haveCopy !req
56. to meet with
17 wedding vendors.Copy !req
57. A jam-packed scheduleCopy !req
58. that could only be achievedCopy !req
59. by a type-A personality!Copy !req
60. Jake.
Yep, we gotta go.Copy !req
61. I have some
unfortunate news.Copy !req
62. An NYPD officer has
gone missing.Copy !req
63. The department suspects
foul play.Copy !req
64. Oh, my God.
Do we know the officer?Copy !req
65. Yes, it's...Copy !req
66. Sergeant Peanut Butter.Copy !req
67. My nemesis.
Your nemesis is a horse?Copy !req
68. Are you still mad
at Peanut ButterCopy !req
69. because he won a medal
the same day as you?Copy !req
70. He totally upstaged me.
He Tucci-ed me!Copy !req
71. Look what you get
if you do an image searchCopy !req
72. of "Charles Boyle,
medal of valor."Copy !req
73. Huh? They cropped me out
of my own photo!Copy !req
74. You just keep that tab open
on your phone all the time?Copy !req
75. No, I just looked it up
real fast.Copy !req
76. You didn't see.
Captain, I solved it.Copy !req
77. Charles kidnapped
Peanut Butter.Copy !req
78. I did not.Copy !req
79. But it's no surprise
that somebody did.Copy !req
80. Hey, my kids love that horse.Copy !req
81. Your kids need help wiping
their butts, Sarge.Copy !req
82. They're not exactly geniuses.Copy !req
83. The actual suspect
is Jesse Gurmwald,Copy !req
84. a disgruntled civilian adminCopy !req
85. who was recently fired
by the mounted unit.Copy !req
86. He's gone to ground,
but detectives throughoutCopy !req
87. the city are checking
every possible hideout.Copy !req
88. Diaz, Boyle, here's a list
of locations in our precinct.Copy !req
89. Be thorough.
Yes, sir.Copy !req
90. And just to be clear,Copy !req
91. if I went missing,
you guys would conductCopy !req
92. an equally thorough search,
right?Copy !req
93. You should get going.Copy !req
94. So, we can wrap it in silk,Copy !req
95. or, for a more rustic feel...
Burlap.Copy !req
96. Oh, that's neat, but...Copy !req
97. We want these nups
to be toit.Copy !req
98. Excuse me?
Could we wrap the flowersCopy !req
99. in New York Times
crossword puzzlesCopy !req
100. from key dates in our lives?Copy !req
101. Oh, is that something
you'd like?Copy !req
102. Uh, boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!Copy !req
103. Here's the deposit.Copy !req
104. I designed you
a signature cocktail.Copy !req
105. I call it the "Peraltiago."Copy !req
106. Ooh!Copy !req
107. Mm... and the judges give
it a score of...Copy !req
108. Jeremy,
did you make that cakeCopy !req
109. that I called you about?Copy !req
110. Yes, I wasn't entirely sureCopy !req
111. if you were joking or not,
but...Copy !req
112. A Nakatomi Plaza cake?Copy !req
113. The groom is on
a licorice hose.Copy !req
114. Welcome to the wedding, pal.Copy !req
115. Oh, Amy.Copy !req
116. These nups may
be getting too toit.Copy !req
117. Since Diaz and Boyle are
searching for Peanut Butter,Copy !req
118. I need you to be available
to workCopy !req
119. any cases that might come in.Copy !req
120. Of course, Captain.
My pleasure.Copy !req
121. Morning, Amanda.Copy !req
122. Oh, and I thought
we should transferCopy !req
123. the Glenmoore assault
to the Nine-Eight.Copy !req
124. Absolutely. Brian.Copy !req
125. Looking swole.Copy !req
126. You're looking swole.
Is today leg day?Copy !req
127. Legs for an hour,
two hours blasting the glutes.Copy !req
128. Terry's got butt for days!Copy !req
129. Excuse me?Copy !req
130. I said,
"Terry's got butt for days!"Copy !req
131. Please stop talking
about my body.Copy !req
132. What?
I'm Teri.Copy !req
133. You just said
I had "butt for days."Copy !req
134. Oh, I see what just happened.Copy !req
135. Terry's gonna regret this.Copy !req
136. Are you threatening me?
No!Copy !req
137. No, no.
This is a misunderstanding.Copy !req
138. My name is also Terry,Copy !req
139. and I was talking
about my butt.Copy !req
140. So you were complimenting
your own body?Copy !req
141. Well, I'm pretty proud of it.Copy !req
142. Do you know how old I am?Copy !req
143. Okay.
Apology accepted.Copy !req
144. Seems pretty arrogant, though.Copy !req
145. This might not
be the right time,Copy !req
146. but talking about yourself
in the third personCopy !req
147. has finally...
Terry knows!Copy !req
148. I love our venue so much.
Me, too.Copy !req
149. It's like
our very own Hogwarts.Copy !req
150. Yes!
And I'm Hermione.Copy !req
151. Yes!
And I am Snape.Copy !req
152. What?
I never realized I couldCopy !req
153. have feelings this strong
about a building.Copy !req
154. Okay, we just have to
drop off our deposit,Copy !req
155. and then we're done
for the day.Copy !req
156. Well, it would appearCopy !req
157. that we have achieved
what scholars refer toCopy !req
158. as the "toitest of nups"!Copy !req
159. Indeed!Copy !req
160. Ooh!Copy !req
161. Oh, hi, Susan.Copy !req
162. Hey.
We're normal people.Copy !req
163. Hi, I was just about
to call you guys.Copy !req
164. Ah, well, no need to call,
because we are here.Copy !req
165. And we've got our deposit.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
166. We just booked all our
vendors. It's really happening.Copy !req
167. Yeah, about that...Copy !req
168. Wait, what's wrong?
Something's wrong.Copy !req
169. That's the look my mom gave me
right beforeCopy !req
170. she told me that my dad left.Copy !req
171. Oh, God, did my dad leave
my mom again?Copy !req
172. How do you know my mom
and dad? You know, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
173. There must have been a mix-up.Copy !req
174. Someone just contacted
my managerCopy !req
175. and booked the venue
before you got here.Copy !req
176. But we had an oral agreement.Copy !req
177. You said we had until
the end of the day, EOD.Copy !req
178. It's not EOD.
The D hasn't E'd.Copy !req
179. It won't be E'd for ages!Copy !req
180. I'm sorry. It's out of my hands,
you know?Copy !req
181. Someone just swooped in
and got it.Copy !req
182. Wait.
Susan... Susan!Copy !req
183. Who?
Who would do that?Copy !req
184. Amy, we had something great
in the palm of our hands,Copy !req
185. and then someone swooped in
at the last minuteCopy !req
186. and stole it?Copy !req
187. There's only one person
who would do that.Copy !req
188. No.
But it couldn't be!Copy !req
189. Ah, but it is.Copy !req
190. The Vulture!Copy !req
191. Suckers.Copy !req
192. Oh,
no. Our nups have been un-toitened.Copy !req
193. We've got loose nups.Copy !req
194. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
195. What's your game here,
Vulture, huh?Copy !req
196. Why are you renting our venue?Copy !req
197. Why do you think, meat farts?Copy !req
198. I'm getting married.
Really?Copy !req
199. You once told me that marriage
is for women and gays.Copy !req
200. And that the only thing
you're married toCopy !req
201. is banging married chicks.Copy !req
202. Yeah, and I meant it all.Copy !req
203. But love?
Love hath changed me.Copy !req
204. No, it hathn't.
You just vultured our venue.Copy !req
205. Yeah, but I did it for love.Copy !req
206. My fiancée,
she means everything to me.Copy !req
207. You know,
she's hot like a chick,Copy !req
208. she's smart like a guy.Copy !req
209. Just talking to her
gives me a Harrelson.Copy !req
210. Harrelson?
Woody.Copy !req
211. Ew.
Yeah.Copy !req
212. Look, I know I've become
that gross, sappy guy,Copy !req
213. but dude,
she's the first chick I ever wantedCopy !req
214. to hang out with post-bang.Copy !req
215. I can't believe a real person
has agreed to marry you.Copy !req
216. Oh, my lady's real,
all right.Copy !req
217. Her name is Jean Munhroe,Copy !req
218. and we complete the
living hell out of each other...Copy !req
219. Sometimes twice a night.Copy !req
220. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
221. I need to handle this
right now.Copy !req
222. Look, I know how hard it is
to find a venue.Copy !req
223. But if it could happen for me,
it could happen for you.Copy !req
224. It happened for youCopy !req
225. because it did happen for us.Copy !req
226. Chins up, dingdongs.Copy !req
227. I'm trying to be happy
over here.Copy !req
228. Jake, what are we gonna do?Copy !req
229. We already gave deposits
to all our vendors.Copy !req
230. We're gonna get
this place back.Copy !req
231. How?
The Vulture's not gonna budge.Copy !req
232. Yeah, maybe, but he doesCopy !req
233. have a weak spot, his woman.Copy !req
234. Not that women are weak.
Just, she's our best shot,Copy !req
235. and she happens to be a woman.
Totally.Copy !req
236. Let's go talk to
that spineless skank.Copy !req
237. Yeah.Copy !req
238. Why do we even have
police horses anymore?Copy !req
239. We have motorcycles now.
They're faster, cooler.Copy !req
240. They also don't get boners
in the backgroundCopy !req
241. of every photo
of you and the mayor.Copy !req
242. What do you mean?
A horse is a perfect partner.Copy !req
243. Tough, scary,
and they don't show youCopy !req
244. 30 pictures of their kid
dressed as Wario for Halloween.Copy !req
245. I'm not talking about Nikolaj.Copy !req
246. I literally just showed youCopy !req
247. those pictures
five minutes ago.Copy !req
248. Really?
I don't remember that.Copy !req
249. Hmm.Copy !req
250. NYPD!
Hands where we can see 'em!Copy !req
251. Step away from Peanut Butter.Copy !req
252. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what's going on?Copy !req
253. You guys thought
you could catch me?Copy !req
254. I'll head him off.Copy !req
255. Fine,
I'll get the dumb horse.Copy !req
256. All right.
Oh, boy, oh, boy.Copy !req
257. Come on, you idiot!Copy !req
258. Run!Copy !req
259. Ugh, you dumb horse.Copy !req
260. Ha!Copy !req
261. Peanut Butter!Copy !req
262. Stop!
Peanut Butter, stop!Copy !req
263. Stop!
Boyle!Copy !req
264. Just let go!Copy !req
265. Okay, we have to force
the She-Vulture,Copy !req
266. Jean Munhroe, to give us
our venue back,Copy !req
267. so put on your game face,Copy !req
268. 'cause we're about to
stare down the devil.Copy !req
269. Devil can't stare
if the devil's gotCopy !req
270. tears in her eyes
and blood in her ears.Copy !req
271. Oh, I love your intensity.Copy !req
272. All right,
this is where she works.Copy !req
273. "The Zenith Fund."Copy !req
274. Ugh, it even sounds evil.Copy !req
275. Of course it is.
She's marrying the Vulture.Copy !req
276. Everything about her is evil.Copy !req
277. Time to enter
the den of bastardsCopy !req
278. who deserve to die.Copy !req
279. All right, snake,
show your face... It's a charity.Copy !req
280. Amy, it's a charity.Copy !req
281. Look at this,
"Jean, your selflessnessCopy !req
282. "puts us all to shame.Copy !req
283. "Humbled, Michelle Obama."Copy !req
284. Damn, Jean.Copy !req
285. Hi.
Can I help you?Copy !req
286. Uh,
yes. We're looking for Jean Munhroe.Copy !req
287. We know her fiance.
Oh, I'm Jean.Copy !req
288. Are you Jake and Amy?Copy !req
289. Keith has told me
all about you.Copy !req
290. He says you guys are the best.
Really?Copy !req
291. Keith says that?
Yeah... Oh, Janice?Copy !req
292. That village needs rice.
Double the last shipment.Copy !req
293. Just take the overage
out of my paycheck.Copy !req
294. So, what brings you guys
to the Zenith Fund?Copy !req
295. Uh... Actually,
something super important...Copy !req
296. Oh, I am so sorry.Copy !req
297. I've gotta take this.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
298. What do you mean,
"roadblock"?Copy !req
299. Do I have to fly down there
and talk to the rebels myself?Copy !req
300. Just get the rice
to those kids.Copy !req
301. Asante sana, Rafiki.Copy !req
302. Sorry about that.Copy !req
303. Wow, your job sounds
very intense.Copy !req
304. No, no, no, it's nothing
compared to whatCopy !req
305. these children go through
on a daily basis.Copy !req
306. It really puts things
in perspective.Copy !req
307. Right.
So,Copy !req
308. what was the important thingCopy !req
309. you came down here
to talk about?Copy !req
310. Uh, the kids.Copy !req
311. And the rice.
AndCopy !req
312. putting the rice
in the kids.Copy !req
313. Ladies and gentlemen,
we have two new donors!Copy !req
314. Yay!Copy !req
315. Ooh, there's a bell.Copy !req
316. Oh!Copy !req
317. Do y'all have an ATM?Copy !req
318. Sir, can I get $350
in petty cash?Copy !req
319. I need to throw
an ice cream partyCopy !req
320. for Teri-with-an-I,
make sureCopy !req
321. there's no hard feelings.
Why?Copy !req
322. She gets it was
a misunderstanding.Copy !req
323. She's a Teri,
and you're a Terrance who,Copy !req
324. even though he's not a child,Copy !req
325. still goes by a nickname
ending in a Y.Copy !req
326. I mean,
don't people call you Ray?Copy !req
327. How dare you.Copy !req
328. Sir, I don't want any tensionCopy !req
329. between the squad
and the uniformed officers.Copy !req
330. I'm just thinking
about the precinct.Copy !req
331. You're lying.Copy !req
332. You're upset because
Teri-with-an-I called youCopy !req
333. arrogant, and you haveCopy !req
334. a pathological need
to be liked.Copy !req
335. What?
No, I don't.Copy !req
336. I just happen to be
a great personCopy !req
337. who's naturally beloved
by all,Copy !req
338. despite my personal
ambivalence.Copy !req
339. Well, if that's true,
then you won't mindCopy !req
340. walking across the bullpenCopy !req
341. without saying hello
to anybody.Copy !req
342. No problem.Copy !req
343. No nods allowed.Copy !req
344. What?Copy !req
345. Okay, it's gonna be okay.Copy !req
346. You're a busy sergeant.Copy !req
347. They can't always expect you
to be friendly.Copy !req
348. Time to go to frown town.Copy !req
349. Let's do this, Jeffords.Copy !req
350. Hey, Sarge.
Bill!Copy !req
351. What up, man?Copy !req
352. You were right.Copy !req
353. Terry loves to be loved!Copy !req
354. Hey, Monica!
Hey, Doug.Copy !req
355. Ooh, who wants a nod?Copy !req
356. Hey.
Any luck finding a new venueCopy !req
357. that's available on May 15th?
Yeah.Copy !req
358. May 15, 2026.Copy !req
359. Please tell me the vendors
are giving us backCopy !req
360. our deposits.
Yes.Copy !req
361. One of them.
The photographer.Copy !req
362. Provided that you
hang out with him,Copy !req
363. so how do you feel about
spending the weekendCopy !req
364. on his houseboat in Yonkers?Copy !req
365. Ugh, Jake.Copy !req
366. Forget the perfect wedding.Copy !req
367. We're screwed.
I know.Copy !req
368. I can't believe
that saint of a womanCopy !req
369. is actually marrying
the Vulture.Copy !req
370. Maybe he's changed.Copy !req
371. How is that even possible?
I don't know.Copy !req
372. Nothing makes sense anymore.Copy !req
373. The Vulture's not the Vulture,Copy !req
374. good is bad, up is down,Copy !req
375. there's a young pope,
winter has come.Copy !req
376. That reminds me,
I orderedCopy !req
377. some premium cable channels.Copy !req
378. Hitchcock?
What was that sound?Copy !req
379. I just got an alert
from my hookup app.Copy !req
380. I'm about to boink with
a local single in my area.Copy !req
381. Ames.
Jake.Copy !req
382. Ames.
Jake!Copy !req
383. Ames!
Jake!Copy !req
384. Up is up, down is down,
the Vulture still boinks!Copy !req
385. I need to handle this
right now.Copy !req
386. I can't believe that bastard
is cheating on nice Jean.Copy !req
387. We have to save her.
We have to break them up.Copy !req
388. For nice Jean!
And the starving kids.Copy !req
389. And Michelle Obama.
And a little side benefit,Copy !req
390. if we break them up,
we get our venue back.Copy !req
391. Yes, but the main reason
is to save a wonderful personCopy !req
392. from making
a horrible mistake.Copy !req
393. Of course.
That's obviously the point.Copy !req
394. The venue is just secondary.Copy !req
395. What venue?
We're great people.Copy !req
396. Hey, Jake.Copy !req
397. See?Copy !req
398. Okay, so the Vulture
is cheating on Jean Munhroe,Copy !req
399. which totally tracks, because
he is the epitome of awful.Copy !req
400. Ooh, nice use of "epitome."
Thanks, babe.Copy !req
401. My question is,
why pretend to change?Copy !req
402. I mean, why get married
at all?Copy !req
403. I'll tell you why.Copy !req
404. Because Jean's dad
is worth $100 million,Copy !req
405. and she's his only heir.Copy !req
406. Then why did she need
our $1,000?Copy !req
407. I mean, I'm so happy
we gave the moneyCopy !req
408. so the kids could have rice
and et cetera.Copy !req
409. So, how do we break them up?
Simple.Copy !req
410. We catfish him
with Hitchcock's hookup app.Copy !req
411. Then, when he takes the bait,
we make him end thingsCopy !req
412. with Jean respectfully
and gently.Copy !req
413. Perfect.
She hurts for a bit,Copy !req
414. but she eventually moves on,Copy !req
415. and she finds
a much better man.Copy !req
416. Yes.
And as a distant,Copy !req
417. secondary benefit,
we get the mansion back.Copy !req
418. Agreed.
Okay.Copy !req
419. So, let's create a temptressCopy !req
420. that will boink-match
with him. Yeah.Copy !req
421. What's the sexiest name?
Valerie.Copy !req
422. That was fast.
Do you know a Valerie?Copy !req
423. No.Copy !req
424. I wish.Copy !req
425. All right, she's 19,Copy !req
426. from Daytona, and her job
is "spray tannist."Copy !req
427. Ugh, "tannist."
Not a real word.Copy !req
428. It's perfect.
Yeah.Copy !req
429. Okay, she's intoCopy !req
430. spring break, bong rips,
slurping shots,Copy !req
431. and crop tops that say
"little cutie."Copy !req
432. Noice.
She is not intoCopy !req
433. nerds, wearing pants,
needy guys, monogamy,Copy !req
434. or feminism,
and her quote is,Copy !req
435. "Whatever happened
to Girls Gone Wild?"Copy !req
436. This Valerie
sounds like a real pill.Copy !req
437. Okay.
Let's see who our matches are.Copy !req
438. Here we go.Copy !req
439. Uh-huh.Copy !req
440. Gross, mmm-hmm.Copy !req
441. Oh, Hitchcock?Copy !req
442. I mean, "Dave, age 28"?Copy !req
443. Ugh.
Come on.Copy !req
444. Oh!
Gotcha.Copy !req
445. There he is.
All right.Copy !req
446. And so begins
the delicate dance.Copy !req
447. We begin with a simple hello.Copy !req
448. And then we wait, so as
not to seem too aggressive...Copy !req
449. No, he sent us a picture
of his penis!Copy !req
450. Oh, God,
he just sent 15 more.Copy !req
451. Oh, God, it's horrible.
But it's wonderful.Copy !req
452. We're gonna save Jean!Copy !req
453. Yes, and we're gonna
get the mansion back!Copy !req
454. Oh, no.Copy !req
455. Yeah, he put a
little hat on it.Copy !req
456. Hey, there you are.Copy !req
457. You okay?
Yeah, no burns.Copy !req
458. The doctor said I was lucky
my body was so damp.Copy !req
459. So why did it take so long?
Well, the EMT spentCopy !req
460. loads of time
on Peanut Butter.Copy !req
461. But you know what?Copy !req
462. I don't care, because I savedCopy !req
463. that dumb horse,
so I'm the hero.Copy !req
464. And this time,
when I get my medal,Copy !req
465. my whole face will be
in the picture.Copy !req
466. You haven't seen the Post,
have you?Copy !req
467. What?
No.Copy !req
468. Why?
Somebody was walkingCopy !req
469. by the fire
and took a pictureCopy !req
470. on their cell phone.Copy !req
471. What?
That's not what happened.Copy !req
472. I saved him.Copy !req
473. That's not how
they're reporting it.Copy !req
474. No, look.
Daily News got it right.Copy !req
475. Yeah.Copy !req
476. "Hero Cop Saves
Helpless Buffoon."Copy !req
477. Oh, no.
Am I the buffoon?Copy !req
478. Uh-oh, dropped your phone.
Now we'll never know.Copy !req
479. Wait.Copy !req
480. There was a dash cam
in the car.Copy !req
481. We have footage
of what really happened!Copy !req
482. Brass already called.
They don't want us releasingCopy !req
483. that footage.
A hero horse is good PRCopy !req
484. for the department.
Hey, man, uh...Copy !req
485. Peanut Butter's going
on Ellen.Copy !req
486. Ellen?
That's my dream!Copy !req
487. Now he gets to dance
with DJ twitch!Copy !req
488. What's going on here?Copy !req
489. I'm throwing Teri-with-an-I's
party with my own money.Copy !req
490. I didn't know her favorite
kind of ice cream,Copy !req
491. so I printed a photo of her
and showed itCopy !req
492. to all the ice cream places
within 30 blocks.Copy !req
493. Nobody recognized her,Copy !req
494. so I got every flavor,
200 pints.Copy !req
495. This is the greatest day
of my life.Copy !req
496. Have you consideredCopy !req
497. this Teri-with-an-I might notCopy !req
498. be an ice cream person?
I did think that.Copy !req
499. That's why there's
a taco bar coming.Copy !req
500. Yes.
Plus barbecue.Copy !req
501. Yes.
Plus a popcorn guy.Copy !req
502. Yes.
Plus vegan options.Copy !req
503. Why?
Sergeant,Copy !req
504. you've become unhinged.Copy !req
505. There's always gonna
be people in this worldCopy !req
506. who don't like you.Copy !req
507. That's a fact of life.Copy !req
508. I hear you, sir.Copy !req
509. But I hate the feelingCopy !req
510. of people being mad at me.Copy !req
511. So what?Copy !req
512. I was voted least friendly
in high school,Copy !req
513. and here I am,
a police captain.Copy !req
514. Do you know what
Mr. PopularityCopy !req
515. Vincent Mondale is doing
these days?Copy !req
516. He's a sociologist,
for God's sake.Copy !req
517. Sociologist, Terry.Copy !req
518. I'm sorry,
but I gotta do this.Copy !req
519. Okay, but just know.Copy !req
520. If you go through
with this party,Copy !req
521. I will like you less.Copy !req
522. Hello, Vulture.
Got a minute?Copy !req
523. Doesn't matter.
We don't care.Copy !req
524. Let me guess.
You guys are here to cryCopy !req
525. about the wedding venue
that I stole from youCopy !req
526. fair and square, right?
No.Copy !req
527. Actually, we wanna talk to you
about some other things.Copy !req
528. Like spring break,
slurping shots,Copy !req
529. and hating pants.Copy !req
530. Wait a second,
why does that sound familiar?Copy !req
531. I don't know. Maybe
you should ask... Valerie.Copy !req
532. Yeah, that's right.
We catfished you.Copy !req
533. Boom.
You're Valerie?Copy !req
534. Ah, I can't believe
I actually wastedCopy !req
535. my sweet dong snaps
on you bozos.Copy !req
536. All right,
here's how this is gonna go.Copy !req
537. You are gonna break up
with Jean,Copy !req
538. because we all know
you're justCopy !req
539. marrying her for her money.Copy !req
540. You're gonna do it nicely
and respectfully,Copy !req
541. and you're gonna make
a generous donationCopy !req
542. to her charity.
Nice touch, Ames.Copy !req
543. You guys got it all wrong.Copy !req
544. I don't care that she's rich.Copy !req
545. Look, I love her.Copy !req
546. I just got spooked.Copy !req
547. You put a vulture into a cage,
and...Copy !req
548. It freaks out.Copy !req
549. Actually, vultures do
very well in captivityCopy !req
550. and they mate for life.
Research burn.Copy !req
551. All right, look.
I'm deleting the appCopy !req
552. from my phone
as we speak, okay?Copy !req
553. Come on.
Jean's over 30.Copy !req
554. No amount of money
in the entire worldCopy !req
555. could make me marry
a woman that old.Copy !req
556. But love can.
And will.Copy !req
557. You have two options.Copy !req
558. Either you break up
with her...Copy !req
559. Or we send her
the penis pics,Copy !req
560. even the one next to the,
I'm guessing, a mini soda can?Copy !req
561. Nah, it was regular size.
Really?Copy !req
562. Oh, Jean's here.
So what's it gonna be?Copy !req
563. You gonna tell her,
or do we have to?Copy !req
564. I've changed.
Nope.Copy !req
565. I won't do it again.
Nope.Copy !req
566. I'll give you the venue.Copy !req
567. Oh.
What's that?Copy !req
568. I'll give you the venue
if you don't say anything,Copy !req
569. but if you do,
I'm gonna keep it.Copy !req
570. Even if she and I break up,
all right?Copy !req
571. I love her.Copy !req
572. I promise you this.Copy !req
573. Deal.
Okay.Copy !req
574. Now just act normal, please.Copy !req
575. Oh, wow.
What a surprise.Copy !req
576. My donors.
Hello, Jean Munhroe!Copy !req
577. Nice to see you,
Jean Munhroe!Copy !req
578. You all looked so intense
when I got here.Copy !req
579. What were you talking about?Copy !req
580. Crime scene.
Soup.Copy !req
581. Uh... Soup crime scene.Copy !req
582. The Chowder Killer's
back at it again.Copy !req
583. Oh, I haven't heard of him.Copy !req
584. Yeah, well, he just moved
to ManhattanCopy !req
585. from New England.Copy !req
586. You guys are so lucky
to all work together.Copy !req
587. Oh, my gosh,
what is Keith like at work?Copy !req
588. Aw, Keith?
Our Keith?Copy !req
589. Well, he's a real crack-up,Copy !req
590. I'll tell you that for free.Copy !req
591. We have so many inside jokes.Copy !req
592. So many inside jokes.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
593. Hey, guys... Potato salad?Copy !req
594. You wouldn't understand.
It's from work.Copy !req
595. Oh, my gosh,
you guys are so crazy.Copy !req
596. Yeah.Copy !req
597. So how did you two meet?Copy !req
598. Oh, someone stole
from my charity,Copy !req
599. and another detective was
working on the case so hardCopy !req
600. for months,
and Keith came in,Copy !req
601. and solved it right away.Copy !req
602. Swooped in like an eagle.Copy !req
603. That's why my nickname's
the Eagle.Copy !req
604. Right, guys?
Yep.Copy !req
605. Everyone calls him...Copy !req
606. The Eagle.Copy !req
607. So, when did you
decide to propose?Copy !req
608. Oh... Ah, well, we were
just hanging out one night,Copy !req
609. and I looked over at Amy
and it hit me.Copy !req
610. She's incredible
and my best friend,Copy !req
611. and I just knew
in that moment...Copy !req
612. I wanted to spend
my life with her.Copy !req
613. I know what you mean.Copy !req
614. Keith and I are the same way.Copy !req
615. It is so nice to finally find
someone I can trust.Copy !req
616. Oh, boy.Copy !req
617. I can't do this.
Yeah, it's bad.Copy !req
618. Jean, we have to
show you something.Copy !req
619. No!
A penis? Why?Copy !req
620. Yep,
should've explained it first.Copy !req
621. Reese Witherspoon
is optioningCopy !req
622. the Peanut Butter story?Copy !req
623. What?
Forget that dumb horse.Copy !req
624. Have you seen this?Copy !req
625. "Exclusive Dash Cam
Footage RevealsCopy !req
626. "Hero Cop Saved
Sergeant Peanut Butter."Copy !req
627. I don't understand.
How'd they get this?Copy !req
628. Somebody must have leaked it.Copy !req
629. Perfect partner isn't a horse.Copy !req
630. The perfect partner
is somebody who,Copy !req
631. no matter how much
they hate you,Copy !req
632. would run through a fire
to save your life.Copy !req
633. Aw.
Thank you, Rosa.Copy !req
634. You're welcome.
All right, come with me.Copy !req
635. We're going to Shaw's.Copy !req
636. Whoa, all this is for me?
Yep.Copy !req
637. You saved Peanut Butter,
even though he's a dick.Copy !req
638. He is a dick.
To Charles Boyle, everybody!Copy !req
639. To Charles Boyle!Copy !req
640. Thanks, guys.Copy !req
641. So, Terry, you decided
not to throw a partyCopy !req
642. for Teri-with-an-I?
You were right.Copy !req
643. Why bother trying
to win over a strangerCopy !req
644. when I can make someone
I care about happy instead?Copy !req
645. Well, for the record,
Jeffords...Copy !req
646. I like you a lot
and I always have.Copy !req
647. All right.
Whatever.Copy !req
648. I taught him well.Copy !req
649. Who am I kidding?
Terry needs a hug!Copy !req
650. Mmm?Copy !req
651. Hey, I'm still
a little shaken up.Copy !req
652. We did the right thing, right?
Yes, definitely.Copy !req
653. She's way better off
without him.Copy !req
654. And she let him know it.Copy !req
655. Yeah, for a human angel,
girl could throw down.Copy !req
656. I hate wasting rice,Copy !req
657. but I hate you more!Copy !req
658. She may be the coolest woman
I've ever met.Copy !req
659. Yeah.
So, what's upCopy !req
660. with the wedding? Do we
need to find a new venue?Copy !req
661. Actually, we found a placeCopy !req
662. that's available
on the same date.Copy !req
663. Ooh, is it another mansion?Copy !req
664. No, it is not.Copy !req
665. Listen up, everybody!Copy !req
666. We are getting marriedCopy !req
667. in a public rec center!
Super cheap!Copy !req
668. On a basketball court!
Squeak-squeak!Copy !req
669. With one working bathroom!
Ladies gotta wait!Copy !req
670. And it's in
deep Staten Island.Copy !req
671. Destination wedding, y'all!Copy !req
672. But the point is,Copy !req
673. these nuptials are still
gonna beCopy !req
674. mad toit.Copy !req
675. I would marry you
in a dumpster.Copy !req
676. Aww, I would marry you
in a dumpster.Copy !req
677. Dudes, the Vulture's throwingCopy !req
678. an all-girl pudding wrestling
party in a mansion in May!Copy !req
679. It's the only important thing
happening that day!Copy !req
680. After party?
Fits our budget.Copy !req