1. Okay, we're all set up
in there, Mr. Peralta.
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2. Just sign here.
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3. What's all set up?
What's going on?
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4. Ah, thank you for asking,
Terrence.
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5. You see, the food
in prison was inedible.
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6. All I thought
about day and night
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7. were the things
I wished I was eating.
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8. And you, Amy.
I thought about you a lot.
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9. Sex with you, just,
us doing sex with foreplay.
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10. Great save, babe. Thanks. And so I
decided to make my food fantasy come true.
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11. Unbutton your pants
and take off your shoes,
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12. 'cause there's gonna
be a doinkload of sodium
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13. at Freedom Feast 2017.
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14. We begin where
all great stories begin.
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15. In the quaint little town
of French Fry Village.
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16. After that, we're gonna move our
adventure over to Cheeseburger Mountain,
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17. which consists, you guessed
it, of turkey burgers.
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18. I'm kidding,
it's cheeseburgers.
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19. This is kind of just stuffing.
You can avoid that.
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20. But it's attached to
the Thanksgiving turkey theme
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21. 'cause I was thinking about
that a lot up in the jail.
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22. And finally, we have
a big old Passover brisket
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23. 'cause you know
I loves my mom.
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24. If you would all take a seat
while I make a toast.
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25. Kindly raise your two liters.
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26. To freedom, to you,
and most importantly,
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27. to orange drank.
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28. And sex with Amy.
To sex with Amy!
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29. Sorry. Shouldn't have
said that last part.
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30. Boink, boink.
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31. Good morning, sir. Your
expression is inscrutable as always.
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32. And yours is extremely
scrutable.
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33. You want something.
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34. A video game, perhaps?
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35. Or a fidget spinner? I do
want both of those things,
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36. but that's not why I'm here.
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37. I'm back and I'm ready for
a case, so what do you got?
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38. A murder? A sui?
A murder-sui?
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39. They often follow
one another.
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40. Ooh, maybe you've got
an avunculicide up in there?
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41. The murder of an uncle. I'm surprised
you know what that word means.
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42. I learned about a lot
of new crimes in prison.
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43. Those people real bad. You
know you can't work a case yet.
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44. You've been assigned
to desk duty.
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45. Oh, please. Don't make me
sit behind a desk all day.
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46. That's worse than prison. No,
it's not. Prison real bad.
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47. Those are the rules for anyone
experiencing a traumatic work-lapse.
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48. It wasn't that traumatic. You just said,
and I quote,
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49. "Prison real bad." Look,
I'm ready. I'm the same old Jake.
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50. I don't know why
you have an issue with this.
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51. Rosa was happy to comply.
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52. So, what, now I'm just supposed
to do anything that Rosa does?
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53. I mean, what if she
jumped off a cliff?
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54. If Rosa were
to jump off a cliff,
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55. she would've done her
due diligence regarding
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56. the height of the cliff,
the depth of the water,
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57. and the angle of entry,
so... Yes.
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58. If you see Rosa jump off
a cliff, by all means.
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59. Jump off a cliff.
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60. You jump off a cliff.
Gladly.
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61. Provided Rosa did first.
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62. Hey. Babe.
You forgot your lunch at home.
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63. Aw, thanks Adrian. You're
the sweetest. Aw, of course.
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64. I French kissed every slice
of meat in that sandwich.
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65. Pimento, welcome back.
How was Argentina?
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66. Eh, it was
kind of boring, actually.
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67. Although, one funny thing
did happen to me.
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68. Still feels like you and I
have a different idea
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69. about what a funny thing is.
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70. Right? Anyway.
I should boogie.
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71. What? Say good-bye to mommy. Ooh,
don't mind if I do.
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72. All right,
I'm just gonna look over here.
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73. Okay. They're
doing that thing. Man.
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74. I think it's still happening.
I'm still hearing it.
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75. Phew!
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76. Hang on. Were you creeps
watching that the whole time?
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77. Well...
Uh...
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78. I'm just
kidding. I know you were.
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79. It's like an eclipse.
You should always look at it
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80. with both eyes wide open.
Full on. You're welcome.
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81. I love you, babe.
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82. Love you, too.
Yeah!
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83. Must be so nice
having Pimento back.
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84. I mean, you shouldn't
eat that sandwich.
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85. Something's wrong.
He's acting weird...
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86. er than normal? Yes.
He's not telling me something.
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87. You guys did spend
several months apart.
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88. Maybe it's all in your head.
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89. Oh.
Bitches be crazy,
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90. is that what you're saying,
Terry? What? No, no.
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91. I did not say that.
I would never say that.
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92. Not cool, Terry.
My relationship's in trouble.
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93. Terry loves women!
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94. Women be sane!
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95. Welcome to the first day of
the rest of your life, desk brother.
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96. I don't think so.
This is just temporary.
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97. That's what I said.
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98. Join us, Jake.
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99. You know you want to.
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100. We're going to Wingsluts.
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101. My God. Charles!
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102. Charles, Charles, Charles!
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103. What's wrong?
Going crazy over here, man.
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104. The only worthwhile thing I've
done today was take a Buzzfeed quiz
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105. about what kind of onion I am.
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106. Hmm. Vidalia.
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107. Ah. cipollini. That was
not the point of my story.
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108. Oh.
Desk duty is a nightmare.
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109. Name one thing someone
accomplished
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110. while sitting behind a desk.
Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery.
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111. Yeah, but think about how
much faster he would've done it
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112. if he'd got off his ass
once in a while, right?
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113. Well, just tell me what
you're working on, huh?
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114. Before the stapling starts
again, please? Please?
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115. I don't know if I should.
Charles, Charles, Charles!
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116. I need this, man.
Just give me a little taste.
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117. Grand larceny.
No!
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118. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
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119. I just...
I love grand larceny.
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120. I know.
I didn't wanna bring it up.
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121. It'll never happen again,
just...
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122. Who got robbed?
Sneaker store.
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123. I hope you die!
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124. Oh! That was way too harsh.
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125. Charles, forgive me. This is crazy,
right? It doesn't seem fair.
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126. I should be working this case.
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127. Yeah.
I will work this case.
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128. There's gotta be a way to fix
it. and I'm gonna figure it out.
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129. Are you serious?
Yes.
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130. Yeah!
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131. Wow, throwing your file
all over the place, Charles?
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132. Really immature.
Yeah, you're right.
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133. I'll go clean it up.
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134. Well, figured out
what's off with Pimento.
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135. He's cheating on me.
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136. No.
Oh, Rosa.
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137. I found his
credit card statement.
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138. There's a charge for
a restaurant called La Palapa.
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139. Two entrees. One flan.
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140. One flan?
One flan.
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141. That's cold.
Yeah.
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142. Cold.
I'm so confused.
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143. They shared the flan!
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144. Okay, but... That seems
like a bit of a stretch.
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145. Nope.
When it comes to cheating,
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146. you gotta pay attention
to all the signs.
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147. During my year abroad in Japan,
I learned that the hard way.
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148. Chiaki...
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149. There was no Japanese tea sock.
But there was a Japanese man.
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150. I wasted a year on Chiaki.
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151. So, what should I do? Maybe
don't jump to conclusions.
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152. No! Interrogate him!
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153. Follow the flan, Rosa.
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154. Follow the flan.
Right.
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155. Follow the flan.
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156. Guess what
I'm holding behind my back?
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157. Before we begin, what are the
parameters of the guessing game?
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158. How many guesses do I get?
Is there a time limit?
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159. Forget it.
You ruin everything.
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160. It's the police code
and ethics manual.
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161. Chapter four. Page 83.
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162. You should not have told me.
I never would've guessed it.
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163. Now I've won.
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164. This.
This is what I've missed.
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165. It clearly states that
I can get off of desk duty
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166. if I pass a field evaluation
performed by a member
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167. of the Municipal Police
Training Council.
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168. That's right.
It's a loophole.
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169. Loophole high five.
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170. Loop...
Hole.
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171. Loop...
Hole!
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172. Loop...
Hole!
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173. Enough. This is
highly inappropriate.
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174. Did you also see
where it states,
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175. "If you fail the evaluation,
you will be suspended"?
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176. I would have to take your gun and
badge. I'm not worried about that.
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177. I swear to my personal Lord and Savior,
Steph Curry, I'm ready.
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178. I think you're rushing.
It's a bad idea.
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179. Doesn't matter. I'm allowed
to demand my own evaluation.
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180. Yes, but as your
commanding officer,
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181. I choose the evaluator.
And I choose...
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182. Me.
Wait. What?
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183. I'm a qualified member
of the MPTC.
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184. I'll administer it.
All right. Fine.
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185. I'll pass your dumb evaluation
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186. and crack this case.
Bring it on.
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187. I will.
Good.
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188. Good.
You're good. But I'm better.
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189. And I'm gonna ace this thing
before you can even...
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190. Oh, wait, wait,
what are you writing down?
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191. Sir?
What are you writing down?
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192. Charles...
What's he writing?
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193. Write something good.
Write something good.
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194. We're just gonna leave. Just
stop writing. We're just gonna leave.
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195. We're gonna leave. Just
stop writing. Stop writing.
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196. Unless it's good.
No.
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197. Is it good?
Is it good?
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198. We're gonna go. Sir?
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199. Write something good.
Write something good.
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200. It looks like the perp
knew what he was after.
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201. All he took was a shipment
of thousand-dollar,
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202. limited-edition Weezies
designed by Little Wayne.
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203. Oh, it's Lil.
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204. Oh, like Lillian.
No.
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205. Lillian Wayne. Okay.
Okay.
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206. Captain, I hope you're
wearing your evaluating pants,
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207. 'cause I'm about to put on
a crime-solving clinic.
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208. I am wearing my evaluating
pants. What? 'Cause I was just...
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209. Wait, what are
evaluating pants?
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210. They have a deep bottom
pocket for my notepad,
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211. and they don't crease,
which is a must,
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212. given how much
I squat during an evaluation.
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213. Mmm-kay, well there were
no witnesses to the crime,
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214. which is weird since there was
a long line of sneaker-heads
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215. right outside the window,
and you're actually squatting.
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216. Just, uh, ignore me.
Unless you can't.
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217. It's not a problem.
I love ignoring you.
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218. Don't write that down.
But continuing with the case,
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219. There were no signs
of forced entry.
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220. Hmm.
No fingerprints.
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221. Hmm.
And no DNA evidence.
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222. Hmm.
Okay, I can't ignore you.
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223. What are you writing
down there?
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224. Probably that you're crushing it,
Jake, because you are crushing it.
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225. Are you trying
to squat a peek?
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226. Of course I'm trying
to squat a peek,
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227. but I also might be
solving the case.
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228. Charles, come take a look at
this. There's a security camera
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229. across the street
we didn't see before.
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230. I have a feeling our answers
are in that footage.
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231. Squat five.
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232. Too far.
I'll move closer.
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233. Still too far.
A little closer.
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234. Getting closer.
There we go.
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235. Worth it.
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236. I followed the flan. I confronted Pimento
about La Palapa and he lied to me.
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237. He denied ever even
hearing about the restaurant.
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238. Hmm, that is strange.
And this morning,
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239. he left the house
in clean clothes.
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240. He never does that.
Never?
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241. You need to follow him. Catch
him with his spoon in the flan.
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242. That's exactly
what I was thinking.
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243. I need to check out a full
surveillance kit. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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244. That's against the rules.
Sarge?
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245. There are no rules when it comes
to cheating, Amy. I totally agree.
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246. But unfortunately,
the NYPD does not.
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247. I can't lend you department
equipment for personal use.
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248. But there may be a
work-around. Hitchcock!
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249. You have any surveillance equipment
Rosa can borrow? You mean my creep kit?
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250. No prob.
Got another one in the car.
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251. See, Amy? That's what
a real friend looks like.
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252. Okay.
Security footage came in.
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253. Let's see what we got.
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254. Probably a huge break. Well,
let's not put too much pressure on it.
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255. You're right.
It's probably a dead end.
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256. Also not helpful. Let's
just watch the footage.
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257. Yes. Great.
All right, so,
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258. here we have the camped-out
line of sneaker-heads.
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259. Not much going on
around midnight.
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260. Let's just fast-forward.
It's okay.
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261. Still pretty calm
at around 1:00 a.m.
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262. That's all right.
Fast forward.
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263. And also looking a little bit
slow around 3:00 a.m.
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264. So, basically
it shows nothing.
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265. Or...
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266. Does it show everything?
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267. Ooh! Sorry not sorry. It
was just a stupid pencil.
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268. It was a gift
from my deceased father.
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269. A pencil? Your dad
gave pretty bad gifts.
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270. Although on the other hand,
all my dad ever gave me
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271. was abandonment issues,
so, potato-tomato.
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272. But look at this. Right around
4:00 a.m., the line moves down.
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273. Everyone except
for that blue pup tent,
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274. which is interesting.
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275. Oh, my boy's got a hunch.
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276. He's got bunches of hunches.
I think they didn't move down
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277. because they didn't care about their place
in line. I believe all they cared about
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278. was the placement
of their tent, which was...
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279. Right over this manhole cover.
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280. And I wonder
what's behind this.
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281. Hayouken!
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282. Oh, look.
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283. It's the sneaker store
stock room.
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284. Whoa.
How does he do it, folks?
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285. It was a team effort,
Boyle. Humble five? You know it.
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286. Uh, I couldn't possibly.
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287. Of course we still have no idea
who was in the blue pup tent.
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288. You know what?
There is no pleasing you.
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289. That is accurate.
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290. What do you want?
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291. Hey.
Hi, Rosa.
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292. How's the Pimento
stakeout going?
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293. Has he done anything
suspicious yet?
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294. No.
Just regular Pimento stuff.
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295. Ugh. It's like he's going all
norm-core to through me off the scent.
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296. Or maybe it could be Pimento
wasn't cheating on you.
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297. What? You sound like
a real Amy right now.
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298. Hey...
I know,
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299. but even a broken Amy
can be right twice a day.
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300. Hey! We went to lunch at La
Palapa and we shared the flan.
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301. Oh, so you two
are boning now?
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302. No!
No!
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303. The flan's huge.
Everyone shares it.
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304. The restaurant tells you to.
Hmm.
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305. Maybe it's time to put
the creep kit away, Rosa.
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306. Wait.
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307. Pimento just walked up to
a woman. A female woman?
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308. Rosa, is it a female woman?
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309. They just kissed.
Oh, no.
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310. I'm so sorry, Rosa.
Whatever.
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311. Hope you enjoyed the flan.
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312. So, what's this about
a giant flan?
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313. The manager at the store
recognized the pup tent
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314. from two previous
sneaker launches.
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315. And he ID'd the owner
as one Morris Richman.
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316. Who just so happens
to work for Con Ed,
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317. on underground
electrical wires.
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318. He also just so happens
to live a-right a-here.
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319. You might wanna squat for this,
Mr. Evaluator.
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320. I decide when
the squatting is necessary.
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321. This was my choice.
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322. Can I help you? NYPD.
Are you Morris Richman?
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323. Yes.
And are those...
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324. Weezies?
Yes.
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325. Well done, Peralta.
Thank you.
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326. But it wasn't me.
It was Steph...
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327. Working through me.
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328. What is going on?
Oh, he's been evaluating me.
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329. It's been up and down,
but this is a clear win.
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330. Oh, sorry, you mean
what's going on with you?
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331. You're under arrest for grand
larceny. I didn't do anything.
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332. Is this about the Weezies?
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333. A friend gave them to me.
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334. I'm innocent.
Come on, man, I'm innocent.
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335. Sure you are, buddy.
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336. We all know you did it.
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337. Charles!
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338. We arrested the wrong guy.
What?
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339. Morris Richman didn't do it. We
have to fix this right now.
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340. I'll wait for you
to not be naked.
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341. This is really bad, Charles. Jake,
can you please spiral a little quieter?
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342. Nikolaj is still asleep and if he hears
two men arguing in the next room,
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343. he might think
he's getting sold again.
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344. Aww, man,
his backstory is so sad. I know.
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345. Look. I don't know how I
screwed this up, I mean,
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346. maybe Holt got in my head
with all of his squatting.
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347. It was a powerful image.
I think I rushed this all
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348. so I could
pass the evaluation.
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349. Bottom line,
we arrested the wrong guy.
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350. What about the pup tent?
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351. And the manhole?
And he was wearing Weezies.
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352. Maybe his friend gave them
to him just like he said.
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353. We have no physical
evidence tying him to the stock room.
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354. Plus, where are the rest
of the sneakers?
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355. Okay. So,
do we tell Captain Holt?
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356. No. Then he'll fail me
and I'll get suspended.
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357. We gotta solve this
on our own.
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358. And I think I know how. I
found a lead on the dark web.
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359. Nice. The dark web.
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360. It's the only place
you can buy quality bat meat.
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361. Mmm. Gross.
Anyways, I posted a message
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362. looking for Weezies and I
got pointed to MizzBK-Sneaks.
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363. She put this pic up yesterday.
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364. Ah. Those are our stolen
shoes. But who's MizzBK-Sneaks?
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365. Her name is Jenny McFadden.
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366. She moves her merch out of the
back of a bodega on Willoughby.
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367. Cool, cool, cool, cool.
All right, one problem.
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368. If we go to the bodega looking
like detectives, we'll spook her.
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369. Right you are,
Charles my chum.
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370. But we won't
look like detectives.
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371. I brought
all my best sneakers.
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372. Get your fat,
sweaty feet ready. Yeah.
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373. We're gonna look
flippity-dippity-fly.
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374. Hey. So, you doing okay?
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375. Not really.
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376. I waited outside that restaurant for
two hours and he never came out.
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377. Cantaloupe?
I'm good. Amy?
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378. Also good. Also good.
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379. I spent the whole night
riding my bike,
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380. just thinking and riding,
riding and thinking.
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381. Also, I drank some water
from the stream.
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382. And what did you figure out? I'm gonna
dump his ass. He should be here any minute.
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383. Oh, you're gonna do it
at work. That's great.
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384. There you are.
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385. Babe, I've been
looking for you all night.
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386. You didn't come home. 'Cause I knew
if I did, I would stab you in the face.
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387. Oh, Terry, we have
the thing in the other room.
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388. Mmm-hmm.
Phone...
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389. Yeah. Meeting. Uh, work.
Friend lunch. Yep.
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390. So is this
a sexy stab in the face?
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391. Or an angry stab in the face?
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392. Don't play dumb with me.
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393. I know about your mistress.
I know about La Palapa.
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394. I know about the flan.
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395. Babe, wait. Oh, I've been
waiting. I waited all night to do this.
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396. We're done. It's over.
What? No.
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397. I don't have a mistress.
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398. That woman's name
is Señora Reyes.
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399. She's my Spanish teacher.
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400. Oh, please.
No, I'm serious.
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401. The only reason
we were even at La Palapa
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402. was so I can practice
ordering in Spanish.
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403. And, by the way...
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404. It did?
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405. Oh, my God.
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406. Oh, my God.
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407. Adrian, I'm so sorry.
You must be so mad at me.
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408. What? No, of course
I'm not mad at you.
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409. Are you kidding? Jealousy's,
like, the hottest emotion.
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410. Let's do this.
Okay, let's do it.
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411. All right. This guy
looks like the gatekeeper.
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412. Just follow my lead.
Okay.
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413. Hey, how are ya?
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414. Just grabbing
a couple things.
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415. Ham puffs, a single tampon,
and a hot rod magazine?
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416. Know how we do.
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417. Hey, listen, we're looking
to score some kicks.
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418. You know where we can
find some? Yeah. The mall.
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419. The mall. What do we look
like, Jay and Silent Bob?
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420. Actually, yeah.
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421. Fair enough. Look,
we're friends with Jenny McFadden.
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422. Okay.
Well, if that's true,
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423. tell me what her
favorite shoe is.
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424. Old school Impala All-Stars.
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425. Okay. I'll go get her.
Great.
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426. I can't believe that worked.
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427. I just guessed the coolest
shoe I knew and I was right.
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428. Nope, he's running away.
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429. Ugh, these shoes
are so uncomfortable!
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430. They're dress sneakers,
you're not supposed to run in them.
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431. Freeze!
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432. NYPD. Let me see your hands.
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433. I didn't do anything.
Then why were you running?
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434. I didn't want any trouble.
I have two priors.
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435. Where is Jenny McFadden?
There is no Jenny McFadden.
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436. That's a cover for the dude
who steals the shoes.
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437. His name is Morris Richman.
Oh, no.
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438. No, no, no, no, no.
Why are you freaking out?
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439. This is great. You were right
all along. It was Morris Richman.
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440. You'll definitely pass
your evaluation now.
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441. Yeah, the only thing is...
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442. You let Morris Richman go?
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443. Single tampon?
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444. I am in shock, Peralta. I can't
believe you released Morris Richman.
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445. We have evidence. Great
evidence that Jake found.
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446. Exactly, which makes it even
worse that he let him go.
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447. That's not fair. I was trying to help,
but he tricked me.
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448. You blew this case.
You bungled your evaluation,
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449. and you never retrieved
my father's pencil.
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450. Sir, I am happy to get you a
new pencil. It won't be the same.
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451. And now you're just standing here,
mum as a mouse.
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452. Have you nothing to say
for yourself?
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453. I can explain.
Of course he can.
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454. My boy's got bunches of
explunches. Hit 'em, Jake.
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455. I'm not ready to be back.
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456. You should suspend me.
What?
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457. Look,
when we arrested Richman
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458. and he said he didn't do it,
I just...
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459. I couldn't stop
thinking about it.
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460. I mean, what if he was telling
the truth? What if he was innocent
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461. and I was putting
an innocent man in jail?
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462. It's just... Feels a lot harder for
me to put another human being
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463. in prison after
experiencing it myself.
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464. It's really horrible.
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465. Look, I wanted
to be back in the field,
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466. because I wanted
to be the old me,
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467. but the truth is,
I'm not the old me yet.
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468. Maybe I never will be.
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469. Anyways, I'm gonna
go cry in the bathroom.
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470. Peace out, homies.
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471. Hey. What's going on?
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472. I thought
everything worked out.
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473. Is there a reason
you're still upset?
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474. What makes you
think I'm upset?
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475. The giant hole
you carved into the table.
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476. Oops. Didn't notice.
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477. There. Fixed it.
Look, I get it.
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478. You feel guilty about accusing
him of cheating. That's on me.
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479. I encouraged you because of
all my unresolved Chiaki issues.
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480. No, it's not that,
it's just...
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481. Last night, when I ended
things with Adrian,
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482. I had this huge feeling
of relief.
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483. It's the first time in a long
time that I felt like myself again.
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484. Oh, Rosa. I think I got so worked
up about him cheating on me
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485. because I wanted it
to be true.
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486. I needed an excuse
to end things.
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487. And now
I don't know what to do.
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488. I think
you do know what to do.
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489. Thanks, Amy.
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490. I have no idea
what she's gonna do
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491. but that's the safest way
to give Rosa advice. Yep.
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492. Packing your desk.
That's a major downer.
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493. Yeah, so why are you smiling
like that? We found Morris Richman.
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494. Nuh-uh, Jake found him.
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495. We talked about this, Boyle. We agreed
that if you couldn't keep it together,
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496. you couldn't be a
part of this. I'll be good.
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497. We went through
your case file,
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498. and everything
we needed was there.
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499. Richman's aliases,
his known associates,
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500. and an address in Queens
that he used as a safe house.
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501. The 2-7 just picked him up.
Tell him the other stuff. Tell him.
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502. Tell him now.
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503. Yeah. I can't be here.
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504. When you demanded
to be put back in the field,
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505. I worried that you were being
flippant about your time in prison.
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506. I thought you would
be reckless, but I was wrong.
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507. Prison has made you
more cautious.
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508. Yeah, but what if
I'm too cautious now?
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509. I mean, I used to see
everything as black and white,
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510. and now,
it's looking real gray to me.
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511. I wish every cop had a voice in their
head asking, what if he's innocent?
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512. You see it as weakness,
but it means you're growing.
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513. It makes you
a better detective.
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514. So,
you passed your evaluation.
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515. You can go back in the field.
Oh.
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516. Well,
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517. Thank you for passing me.
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518. But I actually feel like I need
a little bit more time to readjust.
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519. I think I should ride the desk
for a few more weeks.
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520. I respect that.
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521. Okay, Charles, you can come hug
us now. We know you're still there.
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522. I never left.
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523. Thank you for understanding.
Yeah.
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524. Oh. Look.
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525. Oh, boy.
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526. Here's your blood back.
Mmm.
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527. Well, in that case,
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528. I guess you should have
your blood back too.
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529. What? How did you get this? You know, I
might want a couple minutes up here alone.
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530. Just to kinda process this,
you know.
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531. Of course.
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532. So, how'd it go? It actually
went surprisingly well...
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533. No! Rosa!
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534. Honestly, this is the best
I could've asked for.
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