1. (SINGING AS WAGNER'S BRIDAL
MARCH) Here comes the bachelorCopy !req
2. All dressed in my nice jacket
I only wear for special eventsCopy !req
3. Oh, you're already on fire.
Thank you, my friend.Copy !req
4. And, gentlemen,
welcome to my bachelor party.Copy !req
5. This is the elite party squad.Copy !req
6. That is, assuming the Captain
is ready to let loose?Copy !req
7. Captain?
I don't think so.Copy !req
8. I want you guys to think of me
as one of the boys.Copy !req
9. So tonight I'll be swapping
out my captain's hat for my...Copy !req
10. Kangol hat.
Call me Raymond.Copy !req
11. Okay, Raymond in
the Kangol hat, I willCopy !req
12. definitely call you Raymond,
Raymond in the Kangol hat.Copy !req
13. This is the best night
of my life.Copy !req
14. Mine too.
Sharon gave me permissionCopy !req
15. to get wasted.Copy !req
16. She's even putting a pasta potCopy !req
17. next to the bed in
case I hurl. Smart.Copy !req
18. I'm definitely putting a pasta
pot on our wedding registry.Copy !req
19. Charles, tell us everything
we're doing tonight.Copy !req
20. Well, that could
take a long time.Copy !req
21. I've been planning this
bachelor party for 10 years.Copy !req
22. But I met Amy eight years ago.Copy !req
23. What does she
have to do with this?Copy !req
24. JK.
I'm happy for you both.Copy !req
25. No, no, tonight is aboutCopy !req
26. creating a bond
that will last forever.Copy !req
27. Tonight is about
The Batch Boys.Copy !req
28. Eh, we can
brainstorm the name later.Copy !req
29. No, we can't because I already
made fanny packs.Copy !req
30. Ah, well, that settles that.Copy !req
31. This, uh, clearly says
"Bach Boys."Copy !req
32. No, it's "batch."Copy !req
33. You know, like
the beginning of "bachelor."Copy !req
34. I've been working on this
for 10 years. Don't ruin it!Copy !req
35. Okay, so let's fanny up,
Batch Boys,Copy !req
36. because it's time to party.Copy !req
37. Whoop, whoop!Copy !req
38. Yes.Copy !req
39. Whoop, whoop,
Raymond in the Kangol.Copy !req
40. Let's go.Copy !req
41. I'm so excited
for tonight.Copy !req
42. Thank you to my best friend,
Kylie, for organizing this.Copy !req
43. And thank you for coming,
ladiesCopy !req
44. and gentlemen.Copy !req
45. I still don't get
why you guys are here.Copy !req
46. Well, as I understand it, AmyCopy !req
47. lost some sort of bet
with Jake. It's true.Copy !req
48. In hindsight,
we should probably stopCopy !req
49. making major decisions
through bets and competitions.Copy !req
50. More importantly,
why are you guys dressed like that?Copy !req
51. You look like
you're on Empire.Copy !req
52. That's what we were going for.
Drip, drop.Copy !req
53. We brought you a little gift.Copy !req
54. I had to guess on cup size.Copy !req
55. Just gonna burn that for you.
Thank you.Copy !req
56. Amy, I too have a gift, okay?Copy !req
57. Tonight, until
the stroke of midnight,Copy !req
58. I will not make fun of you
in any way at all,Copy !req
59. no matter what.Copy !req
60. That is so sweet.Copy !req
61. And my gift to youCopy !req
62. is a cray-cray night
of funky fun!Copy !req
63. I fear I've already made
the biggest mistake of my life.Copy !req
64. So, Kylie.Copy !req
65. What's the first event
of the night?Copy !req
66. I thought we'd start
by discussing the etymologyCopy !req
67. of the word "bachelorette."Copy !req
68. Whoo-whoo!Copy !req
69. Or we could just play
Never Have I Ever.Copy !req
70. Maybe later?
I'll start.Copy !req
71. Never have I everCopy !req
72. flashed a bartender
to get a free drink.Copy !req
73. You guys know how
the game works, right?Copy !req
74. You drink if you have done it.Copy !req
75. Oh.
We understand.Copy !req
76. Okay, Batch Boys,
the festivities officially begin now.Copy !req
77. Let's just grab a couple cabs
or...Copy !req
78. Oh, my God.
What do we have here?Copy !req
79. Damn!Copy !req
80. Nice work on the limo,
Charles.Copy !req
81. What...Copy !req
82. What just happened?Copy !req
83. Well, that was weird.Copy !req
84. A suspicious bag.Copy !req
85. Maybe we should
see what's in it?Copy !req
86. Ooh.
A mystery bag.Copy !req
87. I hope it's got
those light-up necklaces.Copy !req
88. People love seeing large groups
of drunk men wearing those.Copy !req
89. Nope. It's a bunch
of school supplies.Copy !req
90. Is this gonna be one of
those scavenger hunts, Boyle?Copy !req
91. 'Cause that pasta pot
isn't filling itself.Copy !req
92. Come on,
Terry. Let's just see what the plan is.Copy !req
93. Charles, what are we doing?Copy !req
94. I don't know
anything about it.Copy !req
95. But why don't we take
this map and this sextantCopy !req
96. and chart a course
to the restaurant?Copy !req
97. Title of your sex-tant tape.Copy !req
98. Ah, did not work at all,Copy !req
99. but I love that
you attempted it.Copy !req
100. Title of your sex-tant tape.Copy !req
101. All right, let's go!Copy !req
102. Never have I everCopy !req
103. had sex in the back of a car.Copy !req
104. No way.
Everyone's done that?Copy !req
105. Yeah.
Except for you.Copy !req
106. Kylie, you're telling me you
had sex in the back of a car?Copy !req
107. Actually, it was a school bus,Copy !req
108. on the way back
from Model UNCopy !req
109. with Myanmar.Copy !req
110. It's like I don't
even know you.Copy !req
111. Look, we've done
like nine rounds of this,Copy !req
112. and you haven't drunk once.Copy !req
113. Maybe we should
play something elseCopy !req
114. that actually gets you drunk.Copy !req
115. I love you, dude, but you
haven't had the craziest life.Copy !req
116. That's not true.
I've done stuff.Copy !req
117. Just say ones that
are a little less wild.Copy !req
118. Uh, never have I ever
made a turn without signaling.Copy !req
119. Okay, a turn is a big deal.Copy !req
120. It's not like you said,
never have I everCopy !req
121. changed lanes
without signaling.Copy !req
122. Never have I ever changed
lanes without signaling.Copy !req
123. You guys are insane!Copy !req
124. Never have I everCopy !req
125. accepted the terms and
conditions without reading them.Copy !req
126. It's too risky.Copy !req
127. Left a movie
without watching the credits.Copy !req
128. Those people worked hard.Copy !req
129. Used more than the recommended
amount of conditioner.Copy !req
130. They make the conditioner.
They know what they're doing.Copy !req
131. This is lame.
Let's play something else.Copy !req
132. No.
No, no, no, okay.Copy !req
133. Never have I everCopy !req
134. had a one-night stand
with a guy from a band.Copy !req
135. Whoops!
Yes, I have!Copy !req
136. Whoa, I am V impressed, Amy.
V impressed.Copy !req
137. In fact, Kylie,Copy !req
138. it was the lead singer
of your wedding band.Copy !req
139. Boom!
That's right.Copy !req
140. I'm a wild girl!Copy !req
141. Watch out, Madonna.Copy !req
142. Uh, Ames?Copy !req
143. I told Jake that
you really liked that bandCopy !req
144. and he booked it for
your wedding as a surprise.Copy !req
145. What?Copy !req
146. Surprise!Copy !req
147. So, according to this map,Copy !req
148. the restaurant should be
right here.Copy !req
149. But it's just an
old abandoned building.Copy !req
150. That's odd.
Unless...Copy !req
151. You don't think
when the sun sets thatCopy !req
152. certain letters on that
graffiti wall will be illuminatedCopy !req
153. by a shaft of light?Copy !req
154. I don't think that.Copy !req
155. We've been at
this bachelor partyCopy !req
156. for over an hour,
wandering around aimlesslyCopy !req
157. and we haven't done
one bachelor party thing!Copy !req
158. Well, Terry, if you'd like,
I could share a lewd story.Copy !req
159. Kevin got me quite horny
this morning.Copy !req
160. Oh, see?Copy !req
161. Come on, guys.
I'm hungry!Copy !req
162. Oh, you're in luck.
The fanny packCopy !req
163. is filled with granola.Copy !req
164. Mmm!
Loose granola.Copy !req
165. I don't want fanny granola!Copy !req
166. I want steaks and whiskey!Copy !req
167. Is this whole night
just gonna be puzzles?Copy !req
168. Good question.
Perhaps that's somethingCopy !req
169. the limo can answer!Copy !req
170. Oh.
Oh, yes, the limo's back!Copy !req
171. We finally get to
ride in the limo.Copy !req
172. Nope. The limo is not for us.
This is something else.Copy !req
173. Oh, no, I'm being kidnapped!Copy !req
174. We have your friend!
Your mission is to find him!Copy !req
175. Is that a Serbian accent?Copy !req
176. It is.
Write that down for later.Copy !req
177. Oh!
I'll see you in six hours.Copy !req
178. Six hours?Copy !req
179. Charles, let us
get in the limo, please!Copy !req
180. Terry's so hungry!Copy !req
181. No!Copy !req
182. Okay, let's not get
discouraged just because...Copy !req
183. We've been doing this
for 93 minutesCopy !req
184. and we haven't figured out
one damn clue.Copy !req
185. That's why I said
to not get discouraged.Copy !req
186. All right,
what about book two? Maybe it's a code.Copy !req
187. All we have to do is decipherCopy !req
188. this list of thousands
of random numbers.Copy !req
189. Huh, I wonder if
one of them is... 6-9?Copy !req
190. Pretty sure he means 69,
but I'm so hungryCopy !req
191. I can't even appreciate
horndog Raymond.Copy !req
192. I say we bail
on the scavenger hunt.Copy !req
193. There's a restaurant
one block away thatCopy !req
194. rolls meat to you on a cart.Copy !req
195. Charles would be so upset
if we bailed.Copy !req
196. But what if
Charles never knew?Copy !req
197. If we can figure out
where he's going to beCopy !req
198. at the end of the night,
we don't have to doCopy !req
199. any of his dumb puzzles.
Right.Copy !req
200. Instead, we can spend
the next six hoursCopy !req
201. eating and drinking andCopy !req
202. talking about
how we lost our V cards.Copy !req
203. And then we show up
at the final locationCopy !req
204. and pretend we did
the stupid hunt.Copy !req
205. Yeah, yeah...
Interesting.Copy !req
206. All right, I'm not saying
I'm on board with thisCopy !req
207. 'cause it's a little bit cruel,
but hypothetically,Copy !req
208. if we were to cheat...
Got it.Copy !req
209. I hacked his email.Copy !req
210. His password's
really easy to guess.Copy !req
211. Dianne Wiest.
And look here.Copy !req
212. There's a receipt
for a party boat rentalCopy !req
213. and also a cake deliveryCopy !req
214. to a dock down
in Bergen Beach.Copy !req
215. That's got to be
where this night ends.Copy !req
216. All right, fine.Copy !req
217. We will stop and get
one tiny, little snackCopy !req
218. just to recharge
our brains and bods,Copy !req
219. but under no circumstances
will weCopy !req
220. do any bachelor partying
without Charles.Copy !req
221. Whoo!
I'm getting married!Copy !req
222. This is my bachelor party!Copy !req
223. You guys, I can't haveCopy !req
224. some rando one-night stand
at my wedding.Copy !req
225. I'm on
the band's website.Copy !req
226. Not to tease you, butCopy !req
227. just so we all have
the complete information.Copy !req
228. Which one is he?
Constantine Kane.Copy !req
229. Yes.Copy !req
230. I see.Copy !req
231. Why don't you
just cancel the band?Copy !req
232. If I cancel, I'll have toCopy !req
233. tell Jake why,
and I don't want to do that.Copy !req
234. Well, it says he's playing a
solo show in Bed-Stuy tonight.Copy !req
235. We can just go down there
and ask himCopy !req
236. to pull out of the wedding.
I don't know.Copy !req
237. Tonight was supposed to be
about us bonding,Copy !req
238. and instead, it's just starting
to be about some dude.Copy !req
239. No, it's about your
bachelorettes having your back.Copy !req
240. But I wanted
tonight to be fun.Copy !req
241. And it will be.Copy !req
242. We're having
a drunken adventure!Copy !req
243. Really?Copy !req
244. Okay.
Yeah. Let's do it.Copy !req
245. Yay!
Bachelorette adventure!Copy !req
246. Kylie, you should talk less.Copy !req
247. Sorry, I have to
direct it somewhere.Copy !req
248. Nice to meet you,
by the way.Copy !req
249. Hey, guys,
if you're running out,Copy !req
250. I'm just gonna take
Hitchcock to the hospital.Copy !req
251. Is he okay?Copy !req
252. He drank a lot during
Never Have I Ever.Copy !req
253. We're gonna
get his stomach pumped,Copy !req
254. try to get
ahead of this thing.Copy !req
255. That meat was good.Copy !req
256. You know what we should order?Copy !req
257. More meat.Copy !req
258. Yeah, we should.Copy !req
259. We're the Steak Studs!Copy !req
260. The Steak Studs!Copy !req
261. No, no, no... Wait!Copy !req
262. Charles already
gave us a name.Copy !req
263. And that is the only one
we're gonna use.Copy !req
264. Steak Studs! Steak Studs!Copy !req
265. Steak Studs! Steak Studs!Copy !req
266. Wait, wait.
Steak Studs...Copy !req
267. It's Charles.
Oh, no. Oh, no.Copy !req
268. What do we do?
What do we do?Copy !req
269. Everyone, calm down.Copy !req
270. It'll be fine.
I have an idea.Copy !req
271. Why is everyone looking at me?Copy !req
272. You just said you had an idea,
then you stopped talking.Copy !req
273. Oh, my goodness.
I'm very intoxicated.Copy !req
274. Oh, he's FaceTiming me,
you guys.Copy !req
275. What do I do?Copy !req
276. He can't know
we're at the restaurant.Copy !req
277. I need a neutral background.Copy !req
278. I'm a neutral background!Copy !req
279. I'm huge!
Yes. Genius.Copy !req
280. Let me put on my jacket.
Okay.Copy !req
281. Hey, best man.Copy !req
282. Jake!
Oh, I'm so scared.Copy !req
283. The kidnappers
have me tied up and...Copy !req
284. Where are you guys?Copy !req
285. I don't want to say, in case
the kidnappers are listening.Copy !req
286. Smart.
But please hurry.Copy !req
287. They're torturing me like
James Bond in Casino Royale.Copy !req
288. It's all groin stuff!
Oh, my God.Copy !req
289. Save me!
Save...Copy !req
290. That was close.Copy !req
291. So...Copy !req
292. Should we order another round?Copy !req
293. And that's why I cryCopy !req
294. Every time I eat
my pecan pieCopy !req
295. À la modeCopy !req
296. Yeah, Constantine!
Thank you.Copy !req
297. Namaste.Copy !req
298. Look, in my defense,Copy !req
299. he didn't used to
have that man bun.Copy !req
300. It was just a ponytail.Copy !req
301. I'm just gonna
write some of my thoughts downCopy !req
302. just to let them out,
so I don't explode.Copy !req
303. Okay, look, no matter how lame
that dude's man purse is,Copy !req
304. Amy Santiago still
had a one-night stand.Copy !req
305. To Amy!
Amy!Copy !req
306. Yeah.Copy !req
307. Actually, it technically
wasn't just one night.Copy !req
308. Explain.Copy !req
309. Well, he caught me trying to
sneak out the next morning,Copy !req
310. and then he started crying,Copy !req
311. so I hugged him, andCopy !req
312. while we were hugging, um,Copy !req
313. his mom FaceTimed,
and he introduced me as his girlfriend.Copy !req
314. Okay, so then
right after the call,Copy !req
315. you broke up with him,
ended it.Copy !req
316. Uh...
How long were you withCopy !req
317. crying wedding-band man bun?Copy !req
318. Not that long.
I doubt he even remembers me.Copy !req
319. Oh, my God.
Amy Santiago.Copy !req
320. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
321. the love of my life is here.Copy !req
322. Three months.
We dated for three months.Copy !req
323. All right.
This is the boat.Copy !req
324. Now, Charles has to think
we're totally soberCopy !req
325. and we solved his puzzle.Copy !req
326. So we good?
Yep, I'm drunk as hell!Copy !req
327. That's not what I asked.
Don't worry about me.Copy !req
328. I've seen you do enough of
these harebrained schemesCopy !req
329. to know how to play along.Copy !req
330. If Charles asks what's wrong,Copy !req
331. I'll just
put on a quaint smile and say,Copy !req
332. "Nothing."Copy !req
333. Amazing.
That is actually perfect.Copy !req
334. All right, now let's hold on
to each other for balanceCopy !req
335. like three
totally sober grown men.Copy !req
336. Come here.Copy !req
337. And here we go.Copy !req
338. Oh, yeah, we're nailing this.Copy !req
339. Hello?
Charles?Copy !req
340. Surprise!
Welcome to the party, pal!Copy !req
341. Wow!
This is amazing!Copy !req
342. Yeah!
Now we get to the best part.Copy !req
343. Steaks and shots!Copy !req
344. Oh, more meat and alcohol.Copy !req
345. "More?"
What does that mean?Copy !req
346. Uh...Copy !req
347. Nothing?Copy !req
348. Isn't this great?
Uh-huh.Copy !req
349. So there is one question
about the scavenger huntCopy !req
350. you have to answer.Copy !req
351. Was he everything
you thought he'd be?Copy !req
352. Yes.Copy !req
353. He was everything
I thought he'd be.Copy !req
354. Never before has a person so
perfectly met my expectations.Copy !req
355. I know!Copy !req
356. Isn't Reginald VelJohnson
the best?Copy !req
357. Reginald VelJohnson?
From Die Hard?Copy !req
358. Sergeant Powell was
a part of my bachelor party?Copy !req
359. Is what I said
upon meeting him.Copy !req
360. I'm just still
emotional about it.Copy !req
361. I can't believe
you pulled that off!Copy !req
362. Yeah, I did.Copy !req
363. I have one more
surprise for you.Copy !req
364. If I could have
your eyes, ears,Copy !req
365. and emotional cores...Copy !req
366. I'd like to take you all
on a journey.Copy !req
367. Wow, you got a lot of
photos of my birth.Copy !req
368. Your mom didn't have any pics,
so I had to call the hospital.Copy !req
369. Ah.
Jake Peralta.Copy !req
370. My partner.
My best friend.Copy !req
371. My brother.
My idol.Copy !req
372. The one man who has never
let me down.Copy !req
373. Oh, that's very kind.Copy !req
374. Tonight had to be the biggest,Copy !req
375. most special
bachelor party ever.Copy !req
376. It had to be
extraordinary because you,Copy !req
377. my friend,
are no ordinary man.Copy !req
378. In fact, you are
24 karat gold.Copy !req
379. So if we get
the big jobs and we make...Copy !req
380. 24 karat gold!Copy !req
381. Is that a phrase I say?
No.Copy !req
382. Like the coins from the hunt!Copy !req
383. Yes, of course.
From those.Copy !req
384. Now, Terry,
please present your gold coin.Copy !req
385. My gold coin?
The hell?Copy !req
386. From the last stop, the
one with Reginald VelJohnson.Copy !req
387. Yes, right, I already told you
that I was there and I met him.Copy !req
388. Stop bringing it up.
Terry, give the man his coin!Copy !req
389. The hell are you
talking about, Jake?Copy !req
390. The coin. Give him the coin.
What coin? I don't have a...Copy !req
391. You give him a coin.
Give him his gold coin.Copy !req
392. What's going on, guys?
All right, here's the deal.Copy !req
393. Terry's coin fell out
of his pocket, and we lost it.Copy !req
394. We just didn't have
the heart to tell you.Copy !req
395. Oh, no.
That cost $800.Copy !req
396. All right, Terry will
pay me back later.Copy !req
397. What?
Captain, your coin, please.Copy !req
398. And as our lives change...Copy !req
399. I ate mine.
You ate your coin?Copy !req
400. Yes, I thought
it was chocolate.Copy !req
401. But you hate chocolate.Copy !req
402. It has "too much taste."Copy !req
403. Oh, man.Copy !req
404. You guys didn't do
the scavenger hunt, did you?Copy !req
405. And you call yourselves
The Batch Boys?Copy !req
406. Actually, we call ourselves
The Steak Studs.Copy !req
407. Raymond!Copy !req
408. Why?Copy !req
409. I know why you're here,
Turtle Bug.Copy !req
410. I feel like
the fact that you justCopy !req
411. called me that
means you don't.Copy !req
412. Uh, quick question.
If I make fun of Constantine,Copy !req
413. does that count
as making fun of you?Copy !req
414. Yes.
Okay.Copy !req
415. Can I make fun of you?
I'd rather you didn't.Copy !req
416. Well, I have to remove myself
from this situation.Copy !req
417. Look, I want to talk to you
about a gig you have coming up.Copy !req
418. Jake Peralta booked it.
Yeah.Copy !req
419. Your wedding.
What?Copy !req
420. If you knew that,
then why did you take it?Copy !req
421. I wrote you a love song.Copy !req
422. I'm gonna sing it,
and I'm gonna win you back.Copy !req
423. Then we're gonna be
on The Today Show.Copy !req
424. I love Hoda.
Yeah, no.Copy !req
425. No, we will not.Copy !req
426. This is what's
gonna happen, okay?Copy !req
427. You're gonna call Jake,Copy !req
428. tell him something came up,Copy !req
429. and you have to
cancel the gig.Copy !req
430. Not happening.
I'm gonna get on that stage.Copy !req
431. And I'm gonna play
Amy Come Back.Copy !req
432. Fine. I'm gonna
tell Jake everything.Copy !req
433. I'm canceling your band.
Boom.Copy !req
434. Okay!
That'll just cost you $15,000.Copy !req
435. Excuse me?Copy !req
436. Well, when I heard
it was your wedding,Copy !req
437. I knew your fiancé
would cancelCopy !req
438. when he found out about us,
so...Copy !req
439. I put in a huge kill fee.Copy !req
440. Yeah, he never even noticed.Copy !req
441. He didn't read
the terms and conditions.Copy !req
442. Look, Charles,
I'm sorry that we cheated,Copy !req
443. but your puzzle was too hard.Copy !req
444. Oh, don't give me that excuse.Copy !req
445. I worked hard on this night!Copy !req
446. And it all led up
to this momentCopy !req
447. where everyone gives you
$3,200 in gold coins!Copy !req
448. Again, is the gold coin thing
based on something I said?Copy !req
449. You're 24 karat gold!Copy !req
450. Yeah, right, okay.
You guys are the worst.Copy !req
451. You're right, and
we shouldn't have lied to you.Copy !req
452. But all of this, the puzzle,Copy !req
453. it's what you wanted, not me.Copy !req
454. I just wanted
to hang out with my friends.Copy !req
455. Well, don't let me stop you.Copy !req
456. You can hang out with
your friends all you want,Copy !req
457. because I'm leaving.Copy !req
458. Charles!Copy !req
459. Come on, slideshow.Copy !req
460. Boyle isn't picking up,
and I called Genevieve.Copy !req
461. She doesn't know where he is.
Wait.Copy !req
462. I bet Charles is looking for
the coins he hid all over the city.Copy !req
463. They were so expensive.Copy !req
464. Also, why does he keep saying
I'm 24 karat gold?Copy !req
465. No idea.
Makes zero sense.Copy !req
466. We'll have to
figure it out later.Copy !req
467. In the meantime,
we gotta find those coins.Copy !req
468. Yes, but how do we figure out
where they are?Copy !req
469. All we have to do is solveCopy !req
470. the entire six-hour
scavenger hunt immediately.Copy !req
471. Raymond, toss me that sextant.Copy !req
472. Guys, we can do this!Copy !req
473. We cannot do this.Copy !req
474. We're way too drunk.Copy !req
475. But there has to be
someone that knowsCopy !req
476. where those coins are, right?
Charles.Copy !req
477. Charles would know.
Brilliant!Copy !req
478. We just have to find Charles,
but where might he be?Copy !req
479. He's probably digging up
the gold coins.Copy !req
480. But who would know
where the gold coins are?Copy !req
481. Charles!
Charles knows where they are.Copy !req
482. But where is he... No,
wait, we're stuck in a loop.Copy !req
483. We're super drunk
and we're in a loop.Copy !req
484. We need to find someone
who isn't CharlesCopy !req
485. who knows where the coins are.Copy !req
486. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
487. It's Reginald VelJohnson.
What's going on?Copy !req
488. Who are you?
I'm Jake Peralta.Copy !req
489. You were part of
my bachelor party tonight.Copy !req
490. Oh, you're the jerk
who didn't show.Copy !req
491. He knows who I am.Copy !req
492. Okay, so I need to
come up with 15 grandCopy !req
493. or my father-daughter dance is
going to be performed by that.Copy !req
494. Wrong. You're forgetting
the most obvious option.Copy !req
495. Steal the contract
and destroy it.Copy !req
496. Destroy a legal document?
I can't do that.Copy !req
497. You were right,
I'm a boring squareCopy !req
498. who's never actually had a crazy,
stranger bone session.Copy !req
499. Gina, your looks are
just as hurtful as your words.Copy !req
500. I'm sorry.
I can only control so much.Copy !req
501. I shouldn't have come back.
Okay. Look.Copy !req
502. You don't have to steal it.
We will.Copy !req
503. Right?
Hell yeah.Copy !req
504. You guys don't
have to do this.Copy !req
505. We told you.
We're your bridesmaids.Copy !req
506. We have your back.
Okay.Copy !req
507. I think if we distract him,
I can sneak inCopy !req
508. and take the contract
out of his man purse.Copy !req
509. Won't he know what's going on?Copy !req
510. He saw all of us with Amy.Copy !req
511. Not all of us.Copy !req
512. Sick set.Copy !req
513. You were really
jamming up there.Copy !req
514. Oh.
I'm Lucious Lyon.Copy !req
515. Record executive at...
Executive Records.Copy !req
516. Lucious Lyon.
I've heard that name.Copy !req
517. Anyway, we're always
looking for new talent.Copy !req
518. "We" being me and my partner.Copy !req
519. That's Cookie.
Let me introduce you.Copy !req
520. Where is it?
Where is it?Copy !req
521. Why are there
so many scarves in here?Copy !req
522. You looking for this?Copy !req
523. I see him, Gina.
Thank you.Copy !req
524. Look, Sergeant Powell...Copy !req
525. Oh, I'm sorry, is it okay
if I call you byCopy !req
526. your character name
from Die Hard?Copy !req
527. No.
Okay.Copy !req
528. Look, Reginald, do you know
why Charles hired you?Copy !req
529. Because I love Die Hard
more than any other movie,Copy !req
530. and I loved you in it.Copy !req
531. For the record,
I loved you from Family Matters.Copy !req
532. Carl Winslow made me
want to become a cop.Copy !req
533. Come on, Terry,
you already haveCopy !req
534. like six other reasons
you became a cop.Copy !req
535. This is not your moment.Copy !req
536. And for the record,
that's the first timeCopy !req
537. I've ever heard him
even mention Family Matters.Copy !req
538. Look, it's late.
Please leave.Copy !req
539. Come on. Look...
My best friend is out there.Copy !req
540. And you're the only one
who knows where he is.Copy !req
541. So, as much as
I hate to do this,Copy !req
542. you're gonna tell us
where those coins are hidden,Copy !req
543. or you're gonna regret it.Copy !req
544. What are you gonna do to me?Copy !req
545. Stay here all night,Copy !req
546. making this sound.Copy !req
547. Fine, fine.Copy !req
548. I'll tell you where he is.
Yes.Copy !req
549. Thank you so much.Copy !req
550. Also, we're gonna
need you to take us there,Copy !req
551. 'cause we're all
too drunk to drive.Copy !req
552. You thought you could
distract me with a record deal?Copy !req
553. Please,
I'm already represented.Copy !req
554. By my mom.Copy !req
555. God, you're a turd.Copy !req
556. Well, this turdCopy !req
557. is your best friend's
future husband.Copy !req
558. Doink!
Hey, wait, no!Copy !req
559. Give that back to me!
I'm wild!Copy !req
560. Keep going! Keep going!Copy !req
561. He's gaining on you.
Not for long.Copy !req
562. Free shots for everyone!Copy !req
563. Turtle Bug!Copy !req
564. Whoo!Copy !req
565. Buh-bye, Connie!Copy !req
566. Tell your mother
I said I never loved you,Copy !req
567. and that your whole family
is a bunch of friggin'...Copy !req
568. Whoo, I broke a rule!Copy !req
569. Never have I ever
slept with a guy,Copy !req
570. broken his heart,
hired him to play at my wedding,Copy !req
571. stolen a legally binding
contract from him,Copy !req
572. jumped on a bar
and dumped booze on everyone,Copy !req
573. fallen off the bar, probably
given myself a concussionCopy !req
574. and a permanent scar.Copy !req
575. I have ever!Copy !req
576. Well, it is officially
after midnight,Copy !req
577. so I can now
say whatever I want.Copy !req
578. Uh-oh.Copy !req
579. Tonight was awesome,Copy !req
580. and I loved hanging out
with your dorks.Copy !req
581. What?
Aw, yeah.Copy !req
582. You know, the word "dork"Copy !req
583. is actually a Celtic word
meaning "lungfish."Copy !req
584. Kylie, I'm trying so hard.Copy !req
585. This is where he
told me to wait for you.Copy !req
586. Oh, my God.
This is the corner whereCopy !req
587. John McClane met Zeus Carver
in Die Hard 3.Copy !req
588. Oh, Charles.
Yes, you're here.Copy !req
589. What's going on?
How did you find me?Copy !req
590. Did you solve the puzzle?Copy !req
591. No, they didn't.Copy !req
592. They cheated again.Copy !req
593. Reginald.Copy !req
594. Hey, man,
look. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.Copy !req
595. No, I'm the one
who should apologize.Copy !req
596. I overdid it tonight.Copy !req
597. I wanted everything
to be perfect, becauseCopy !req
598. it's our last big night
before you get married.Copy !req
599. I guess I was a little worriedCopy !req
600. things were gonna
change between us.Copy !req
601. Oh, Charles.
Come on.Copy !req
602. Of course,
things are gonna change.Copy !req
603. I'm getting married.Copy !req
604. I mean, didn't you make me
less of a priorityCopy !req
605. when you and Genevieve
got together?Copy !req
606. Yes.
See?Copy !req
607. I mean, no matter what,
we'll always be best friends.Copy !req
608. Hey, you know why I didn't
like your scavenger hunt?Copy !req
609. 'Cause it was stupid
and overcomplicated.Copy !req
610. And way too long.Copy !req
611. There was no food.
Or drinks.Copy !req
612. This is not
a group conversation, guys.Copy !req
613. Well, you could have stoodCopy !req
614. a little farther
away from us then.Copy !req
615. Point taken.Copy !req
616. I didn't like it becauseCopy !req
617. you got kidnapped
right at the beginning.Copy !req
618. You were gone for six hours.Copy !req
619. I wanted to spend
my bachelor party with you.Copy !req
620. I can't believe you pissed offCopy !req
621. Reginald VelJohnson
just to find me.Copy !req
622. Oh, please.
He'll get over it.Copy !req
623. No, I won't.
You've made an enemy for life.Copy !req
624. And I'm telling Bruce Willis
you suck.Copy !req
625. That's fine.
I'm fine with that.Copy !req
626. It's good.
What's important is thatCopy !req
627. we made up, my best friend.Copy !req
628. Not Bruce Willis.Copy !req
629. To Jake and Amy!Copy !req
630. To Jake and Amy!Copy !req
631. To us!Copy !req
632. Hey, so I need to
tell you something.Copy !req
633. I had to cancel
the wedding band,Copy !req
634. because I kind of dated
one of the dudes in it.Copy !req
635. Yeah, I know.
Man bun.Copy !req
636. He left me a very long messageCopy !req
637. with a lot of details.
Oh, no.Copy !req
638. He seems like
a really passionate guy.Copy !req
639. I'm never gonna
live this down.Copy !req
640. No, you are not.Copy !req
641. I'm just kidding.
I'll never bring it up again.Copy !req
642. Thank you.
You're the sweetest.Copy !req
643. I love you.
I love you too, Turtle Bug.Copy !req
644. Oh, my...
Yeah.Copy !req
645. Uh, do I still
need to be here?Copy !req
646. Yes, Reginald.Copy !req
647. We're all toasted
and we need rides home!Copy !req
648. It's Reginald VelJohnson!Copy !req